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Almost Good Advice · The Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: This is almost Good Advice with Ben Higgins and Ashley
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: Aya Kinetic. My goodness, Ashley, Today's a day that we've
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: been waiting for for a while now. We've had this
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: crazy idea that during kind of the off season, what
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: we would really love.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: Is to hear from our listeners.
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: Why because that's one way to connect, is sitting in
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: a space where you can share your stories and share
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: your insights. But also this is called almost good advice
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: because one of the ways that we're approaching this is
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: we also want to learn from the listeners. We want
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: to hear their stories and kind of learn where they're
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: at in life. I can't promise that we're going to
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: have all the great answers, but what I can do
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: is promise that Ashley and I will talk through these
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: situations like we would if we were sitting at a
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: golden wedding or at dinner or on the phone. We
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: would be as honest about these situations as we can
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: be and as vulnerable as we can can be. Ashley,
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: to set this up, I've read through the questions submitted
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: and we've gotten some really good ones and you have not,
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: And so we're gonna kind of take this approach where
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: just for this episode at least, you're gonna go off
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: the cuff. I'm gonna have, you know, some thought that
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: I've put in behind these and we can kind of
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: bounce back and forth.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: How does that sound?
• 1:22
  Speaker 3: It sounds good. And I just want to say Ben's
• 1:25
  Speaker 3: advice will probably be the best advice you could ever get.
• 1:29
  Speaker 3: I feel like Ben is that's one of your strongest
• 1:32
  Speaker 3: suits is giving advice to other people.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: And I just have a big ego, so I just
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: give advice.
• 1:37
  Speaker 3: Oh oh, You're so good at it. Everybody goes to
• 1:40
  Speaker 3: you for guidance and you always have strong guidance. And
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: there was a girl, there's one of the women from
• 1:46
  Speaker 3: The Golden Bachelor who at the wedding was like I
• 1:49
  Speaker 3: just talked to Ben Higgins and he just he had
• 1:52
  Speaker 3: so much wisdom and like what I was asking him about.
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: I'm not sure if it was Ellen or Joan. I
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: didn't see Ellen at the wedding. It was probably Ellen
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: because I saw I think it was on Instagram that
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: she said something.
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Like that, Yeah, Ellen's really great.
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: What were you talking about just kind of.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: This process and the friendships that are coming from it
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: and what life looks like now and like, how do
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: you make sense of this wild thing that happened to them?
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: She's her name isn't getting thrown around for the next
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: Golden Bachelorette, and so she's kind of in this space
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: of being in limbo where she's made incredible friendships. I
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: think a lot of them don't necessarily want this season
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: to be over, and so what does life look like
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: once it's over? Like that just that kind of the
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: same stuff you would talk about with somebody in their
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: twenties coming off the show. I just think the perspectives
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: might be a little different and the ways that you
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: enjoy it are a little different when you're on the
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Golden Show or on the Younger Show.
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: And Ellen was just great.
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: I don't know if I had great advice for her
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: other than I just got to listen to kind of
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: her journey so far and what she's learning and either
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: be like, hey, you know what truth is. This isn't
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: gonna last, but what has in your life? Like what
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: has lasted forever? Even if you're in a marriage until
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: you know the day you pass, things are gonna change
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: in that marriage. It's gonna look different in five years
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: than it does today, like things change, and so how
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: do we love the change?
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: Like, how do we even just enjoy the change?
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: Stay freaking fantastic advice? And Ellen is so amazing. How
• 3:22
  Speaker 3: did I not see her? I actually like did not
• 3:25
  Speaker 3: see her? Well, she's so freaking cute. Okay, all right,
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: let's go with our first question.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're gonna do three stories today, three questions.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: Uh. The last one that we're gonna touch on, I
• 3:38
  Speaker 2: think is going to be the most complicated to talk about.
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I see it. I'm skiving.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it has the most like nuance. And so let's
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: start with Katie's. It starts like this. It says, oh
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: my gosh, you guys are my favorite bachelor people. That's
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: very nice. I don't just skip by that. I appreciate
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: you you saying that. Then she says, I don't really
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: have a specific situation, but I wanted your advice on
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: feeling like you're never going to find your person in
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: your twenties. All my friends are starting to get engaged,
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: and I feel so behind. I don't want to settle,
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: but I also don't want to be alone. Did you
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: ever feel like that? I already put myself out there
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: and try to date, so I feel a little lost
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: any advice.
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: My advice is to keep on staying positive, stay positive,
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: keep on just living, doing like your thing, Concentrate on yourself.
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: Make finding someone secondary because, like, I really feel like
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: when you're doing your own thing, and you're doing your
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: own thing, well, that's usually when the person comes along.
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: Ben and I both are in the exact same boat,
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: I think. Well, So Jared came out about his feelings
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: for me two months shy of my thirtieth birthday, and yes,
• 4:57
  Speaker 3: did I have this mental deadline that I was like,
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: oh my gosh by thirty, like I really want to
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: be able to say that, like I found the person
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: that I'm gonna be with for sure. It made me
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: feel good that we were getting on that track at
• 5:11
  Speaker 3: my thirtieth birthday. You did you meet Jess just around
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: twenty nine?
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Thirty nine? Yeah?
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: So I do think that like you are you twenty
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: you twenty nine? Katie? Well, it doesn't matter. I do
• 5:26
  Speaker 3: feel like once you're towards your end of your twenties,
• 5:29
  Speaker 3: things kind of start clicking. I think it doesn't It's
• 5:32
  Speaker 3: not a coincidence. I think you getting closer to thirty
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: makes you more confident in yourself and your decision making,
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: you don't care as much what other people are thinking.
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: Don't stress out about entering your thirty single either. Like
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: it's just it's you have to stay positive and put
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: yourself out there. But like you don't have to make
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: it a total job to date. Like I said, I
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: do think that, like as you're doing in rocking your
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: own thing, the right person will come along.
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: It's interesting this question, I'm sure is a question that
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: most people have in their twenties, right. I mean, I
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: remember we've talked about in here before, but I remember
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: laying in my bed at my old house in Denver
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: after my breakup from the show and coming to peace
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: with the fact that I might be single because that
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: relationship ended similarly to other relationships that I had in
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: the past, and I thought, Ben, you might just not
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: be cut out for this, Like there just might not
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: be that person that's gonna love you fully.
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: Isn't it funny that you had that thought in your twenties.
• 6:41
  Speaker 3: In my twenties, you're so young, Like, when you really
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: put in perspective, you're so young.
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: You're very young. But the point, Katie, is that you're
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: not alone in this thought. You know, there's many that
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: are feeling this way, and I think most people who
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: are single and wanting in their twenties are feeling similarly
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: to what your question is. And I go off of
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: what Ashley just said and also what Tanya rad who
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: is part of the iHeart family, once told me. Because
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: Tanya was really desiring a relationship, really single and wanting
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: for all of her twenties and she wants I said, Tanya,
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: how like, what advice would you give somebody else?
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: This is before she met her partner.
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: Now and and a lot of her thirties. I don't
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: think she met Robbie until she was thirty two.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: Thirty two, so there was this you know, this was
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: not a secret to anybody that Tanya wanted to love
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: hadn't found it.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: And she just told me this.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: She said, tell anybody that wants love to never stop dating.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: Now that means going on weird dates, going on bad dates,
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: going on great dates, and because I think you get
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: a better picture of where that person may be, like where,
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: what kind of interests you're into, what characteristics you like,
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: and so almost have fun with it. I also would say,
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: but based on everything else, like I have this really
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: bad advice that I give people who are single in
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: their twenties. And I think it's true, and I've had
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: I've shared it with multiple people, Like you aren't promised
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: a relationship, and that seems so daunting to hear that, right, Like,
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: you are not promised to be in a relationships.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: That's why it's the most terrifying thing ever, because it's
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: the most out of your control thing and probably the
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: most desired thing about life. And it will like freak
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: you out when you're lying in bed at night, being like,
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: this is the one thing I totally cannot control. Like
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: I can control my career and all of.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: That, but I refuse to give advice that I don't
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: believe is true. And the truth is, it is out
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: of your control. You aren't promised it, Like it's not
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: like everybody's gonna find it. So I say this, and
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: then I always kind of sandwich it with So as
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: a result, what I would tell you if you asking
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: me for my input in this is to really love
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: yourself and love the season of life you're in, because
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: the worst thing that could happen to you in this
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: is not that you don't find a partner like that sucks,
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: but it's not the worst thing that could happen. The
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: worst thing that could happen to you in this is
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: if you go fifteen twenty thirty years of your life
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: kind of in your prime of health and your prime
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: of career and your prime of connection and energy, and
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: you waste it because you've just been wanting this thing
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: that was not promised to you. And so start to
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: enjoy the singleness, enjoy the adventure, enjoy the lack of responsibility,
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: and enjoy the craziness of it all, and then hopefully
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: along the way somebody will come. But if you don't
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: enjoy this season, if you don't enjoy singleness, I promise you,
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: even if you find a relationship, you're gonna look back
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: and you be like I wish I would have XYZ.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: I wish I would have enjoyed that more. I wish
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: I would have taken more adventures. I wish I would
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: have traveled alone. I wish I would have gone to
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: the movies alone. All these things that you're not going
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: to be able to do later on. So you're not
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: promised it. I can't tell you you're gonna find it.
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: I can't even tell you the secret sauce too finding it.
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: But I can tell you to enjoy the season you're
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: in because you are human. You have life, you have breath,
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: and that is a really valuable thing that is very
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: very sacred in a miracle month success.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: So you are a miracle. So enjoy the miracle that
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: you are.
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: We should really just make this show Ben's advice, because
• 10:29
  Speaker 3: I would just love to be an audience member to it.
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: I would love to just listen to everything that East
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: View because it's amazing. I don't think I wouldn't come
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: up with I think you would.
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: You said the same thing I did, just in different.
• 10:41
  Speaker 3: Ways to really, I guess. So I do think that like,
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: while you are embracing yourself and loving yourself and all that,
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: the more you love yourself, the more you're probably going
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: to like exude that to the world and be more
• 10:53
  Speaker 3: attractive to everyone and be more a better partner.
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: Yeah. And the truth is your whole with her way
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: without somebody else. Yeah, you are. You are a whole human.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: Georgia doesn't want my advice, she wants Ashley's advice. So
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: here's the question for Ashley from Georgia. Okay, this question
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: is a little more Ashley, and then she says, sorry,
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: love you Ben Well, I love you too. I do
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: not take offense to this. How did you know that
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: Jared was the one? And you seem so sure of
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: him even when he was pursuing other people, And now
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: you guys are perfect together. I would love for you
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: to lean into that perfect together statement too. How did
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: you not give up when he was saying it wasn't right?
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: Ashley take it away?
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: Well, honestly, it was because his words weren't matching up
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: with his actions a lot of the times, to be honest,
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: so like he would send me flowers, but then no,
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: tell me, we were just friends and there was just
• 12:01
  Speaker 3: like a lot of mixed signals and I And there's
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: like a lot of chapters to it, obviously, like because
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: at first, like he he definitely didn't know I was
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: the one at first, but then when we got to
• 12:17
  Speaker 3: know each other, it was there was enough mixed signals.
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: There's enough interest from him for me to keep being
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: like no, no, I know, no, no, I know. But
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: then I don't know how to describe it. I definitely
• 12:29
  Speaker 3: just fell in love at first sight. It was so crazy.
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: I did not really believe in love at first sight,
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: and it was like a just a weird slap. It
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: was so crazy there, I just I just knew there
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: was just something about his personality and like how we
• 12:50
  Speaker 3: had these similarities that I'd never experienced in anybody else before.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: M had you guys had like it. When was the
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: first time you made out? Like when was the first
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: time he showed interest in you physically?
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: Well, like we did make out on the show twice
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: three times?
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: And then just remind me and remind everybody else you
• 13:08
  Speaker 1: made out in Paradise, Well, you made out in Paradise
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: and then you didn't really start dating for how long
• 13:13
  Speaker 1: in between there?
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: It was two and a half years from like us
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: first meeting to us dating.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: And yes, and but you kept but you kept the faith,
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: like you kept saying, like I still think Jared is
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: the one. He might not see it yet, but those
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: two and a half years kind of what I mean,
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: I think you just said it. But what encouraged you
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: to keep pursuing it was his actions or the things
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: that you still found for him to be pursuing you,
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: even if he didn't know, he was fully pursuing you,
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: Like he couldn't.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: Get you out of it. He didn't want to get
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: you out of his life. Right.
• 13:48
  Speaker 3: Well, there was a lot of just natural chemistry and
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: just the fact that like we wouldn't go like a
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: day without talking, and we would talk on the phone
• 13:56
  Speaker 3: for hours and it was so crazy, and and we
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: would all like he would stay in my place every
• 14:04
  Speaker 3: time he would come to La and then we would
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: do things with each other's families and he would come
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: like down to Virginia for my sister's birthday. There was
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: just so much. So there was plenty for me to
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: feel like there was interest, Like I just don't think
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: you do that as a friend just a friend, and
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: we like fulfilled the category of a boyfriend and girlfriend emotionally.
• 14:29
  Speaker 3: It was just not physically. So you just knew that
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: like hed he even if even if we were going
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: to try to take a break from each other, neither
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: of us wanted that.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Like you couldn't picture your life without him in it, yeah,
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: and he couldn't picture his life without you in it.
• 14:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: And that might be like the summary of the answer, right,
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: if you you can't picture your.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: Life without somebody, that's when you know.
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I would also just say that, like I hate
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: like this is the advice that I give every time,
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: and I kind of feel bad for it. But if
• 15:09
  Speaker 3: there's somebody who has like a lot of you have
• 15:12
  Speaker 3: a lot of confusion about and they seem to have
• 15:15
  Speaker 3: confusion towards you, if you start dating someone else and
• 15:20
  Speaker 3: they don't seem like at all jealous or at all
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: rattled by this, like it really doesn't affect their life,
• 15:29
  Speaker 3: then you probably have your answer that they really are
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: just your friend. Yeah, that's good advice, actually, And I
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: feel bad because like you don't want to use the
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: other person, it's not aboud using them, but like if
• 15:41
  Speaker 3: you really are just like okay, I am moving on,
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: I'm we're gonna like I found somebody that I like,
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: I'm dating them. If the person isn't rattled by it,
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: then like you really have your answer and that can
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: really help you move on because I guess, as I
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: always say, I'm the exception to the rule most people
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: who keep pursuing someone and then there's no supposed reciprocation,
• 16:06
  Speaker 3: or at least it didn't seem like there was on TV.
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: You you're probably not going to end up with them,
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: But like that's a great way of knowing for sure.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: I think you're right, And I remember that season where
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: it was really hard when you tried to move on.
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: It was really confusing for Jared, and I think for
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: most people who are wondering, that is a great response
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: because at some point you'd have to move on, Like
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: if that person is not reciprocating the feelings, you would
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: have to move on. You can't live your whole life
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: just being like, you know, oh, I love this guy
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: who doesn't love me, So you'd have to move on.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: But when that happens, what does it feel like?
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and it would probably be it's honestly, at that
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: point probably empowering to move on too.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: Okay, Ashley, we have a banger. The conclusion of this
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: first episode of Almost Good Advice is gonna end with
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: with Jenna's question, and again I asked you not to
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: look at these and have any preparations, so I'm gonna
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: read it to you. I think your first response is
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: going to be very very helpful here, Like if a
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: friend was talking to you about this and then I
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: have had more time to kind of think through how
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: would I navigate this or what type of advice would
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: I give? But this is a difficult situation. So here
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: it is, Jenna writes it, Ben, I loved seeing you
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: dance at the wedding. You're hilarious. Truth is I love
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: dancing super excited, too super excited to hear you your
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: guys's thoughts on my situation.
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: So basically, me and my two neighbors have been best
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: friends for years. My one neighbor, Sarah, is getting divorced
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: but still lives in the same house with her husband.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: My other neighbor, Isabelle, is now sleeping with Sarah's husband.
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: Sarah doesn't know, and Isabelle made me promise not to tell,
• 18:15
  Speaker 2: but now I feel awkward around Sarah. Isabelle says she
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: just wants to wait to tell Sarah until she decides
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: what to do. Should I give her more time or
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: should I tell Sarah Ashley first response.
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: My first response is that you have to tell Sarah,
• 18:35
  Speaker 3: but you also probably know that you're probably not going
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: to be friends with Isabelle afterward. But I don't know that,
• 18:41
  Speaker 3: Like I'm kind of Isabelle's characters is a little bit
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: fuzzy right now.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: For me, So I want to re enter this question
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: for you first. So, if one of your friends is
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: sitting in the similar situation. Let's call it your best friend,
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: one that you've known for years.
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: Okay, I already have it in my head, like my
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: sister and I have our two best shared friends were
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: like a foursome, and that's like we have our group
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: message and all that. Yeah, if the single one was
• 19:08
  Speaker 3: sleeping with my married friend's husband, yeah, I'm holy crap,
• 19:12
  Speaker 3: Like yeah, but we gotta tell her, We gotta tell her.
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: But then at the same time, like I'm so judgmental
• 19:19
  Speaker 3: in my head towards my single friend that I'm like,
• 19:23
  Speaker 3: I don't know if I can be friends with that
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: person of character. So there you go.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: So oh yeah, so there's some things here we don't know,
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: like what type of person is Isabelle them? What type
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: of person is Sarah? And what type of person are you?
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: Like how does this friendship work? But your best friend?
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: So we have that at least, but like, are these
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: girls Like we understand that Jenna is best friends with
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: the two neighbors, but are the two neighbors best friends
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: as well? Like are they a threesome of best friends?
• 19:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm assuming based on the sitt and so basically
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: me and my two neighbors have been best friends for years.
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: Can you believe this? Yes, say like, did somebody write
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: this for us?
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: No?
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: No, I can believe this because this is a situation
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: that I don't think is that uncommon?
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: The best friend you know finds a way in with
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: their best friend's husband once there is a divorce. So
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: do you want to hear my thoughts?
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah? And I guess we do have to reiterate that,
• 20:21
  Speaker 3: like they are getting a divorce, they're split up. It
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: helps a little bit, but it's not like they're just
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: like having an affair.
• 20:29
  Speaker 2: Well, there's a.
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: Friend code, you know, there's a friend Obviously, a fair
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: is not the word you can use here. I think
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: that is that is like clear in a boundary you
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: should set. Is a fair is not the word you
• 20:39
  Speaker 1: can use here? Now going against friend code, doing something
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: that feels like it might be stretching your morals and values.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: Maybe we could get to it, but it's it's this
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: is difficult, and so.
• 20:53
  Speaker 3: We'll first they're still living together.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: We'll first acknowledge that this is difficult. It's a really
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: hard thing to talk to you. I am on the
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: side where Jenna cannot tell.
• 21:03
  Speaker 3: What are you just playing Devil's advocate to me, No,
• 21:06
  Speaker 3: I'm not why because the husband needs.
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: To tell I think the husband has a big role
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: in this, Okay. I also think Jenna, if you compartmentalize
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: each situation situation, she has not put herself in the
• 21:20
  Speaker 1: situation to lose either friend. She has not made the
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: decision that Isabelle is making. So as a result, is
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: she if the question here I guess is what is
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: the right thing to do? Or how do I keep
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: my friendships? There's two those are two different things. How
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: do I keep my friendships? Jenna has not placed herself
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: in this situation of like this difficult situation. So what
• 21:45
  Speaker 1: I would do if I was Jena is I would
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: start hard pressing Isabelle, like you need to tell her
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: and you need to explain to her. The reason is
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: it's gonna affect not just Isabelle and Sarah's ex husband,
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: but it's gonna affect Jenna, Sarah, Isabelle and the ex husband.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: I would start pushing Isabelle to share her story with Sarah.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: I don't think Jenna needs to be that person.
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: Isabelle to start, Okay, sharing the story.
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: Like it is it is. Isabelle's issue is this isn't
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: even Sarah's issue. Sarah's gonna be hurt, she's gonna be sad,
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: she's gonna be confused, She's gonna be probably even more
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: angry at her ex husband than she already is.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: But this is Isabelle's issue to communicate.
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: And then when Sarah comes back to Jena AND's like,
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: how long have you known about this? You need to
• 22:36
  Speaker 1: tell Jenna needs to be honest with Isabelle and say,
• 22:38
  Speaker 1: I'm going to tell Sarah that I've known about this
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: the whole entire time, and the reason I didn't tell
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: her was because I push her to tell you. This
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: is her story. She needs to tell She needs to
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: own up this, She needs to be an adult. She
• 22:50
  Speaker 1: needs to acknowledge that this situation's messy and weird. And
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: here's the thing, Isabella doesn't want to tell Sarah, and
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: so Isabelle knows this is a messy, bad, weird situation.
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: But I don't think Jenna needs to be that person.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: I don't know if we ever need to be that person.
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: Because you still have that friendship with Isabelle and she's
• 23:09
  Speaker 1: confide in you about this. She obviously trusted you with
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: this information. And if you want to keep the friendship
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: whatever that means, then Jenna just needs to start hard
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: pressing Isabelle. Or here's another idea, here's what I do.
• 23:23
  Speaker 1: If this is my life, I'd say, Okay, Isabelle, I'm
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: gonna give you one week.
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: No, I was gonna say, yeah, I give a timeline.
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: Uh huh, yeah, I'm gonna give you one week.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: Okay, I can get to tell Sarah, or your husband
• 23:34
  Speaker 1: needs to tell Sarah, or you guys need to do
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: it together.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: You have one week, and if you don't tell her
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: in one.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: Week, I love you, I care about you, but this
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: is gonna affect me, and I'm gonna have to tell Sarah.
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: I don't want to tell Sarah. I don't want to
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: have to be that person, but I'm going to if
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: you don't. So I made the promise. I've stuck to
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: the promise. But I also, in return have the ability
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: to tell you that I'm going to tell Sarah because
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: this situation is ugly.
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, then I can get behind that one. I think
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: that's probably the best. That's raising.
• 24:08
  Speaker 1: It's it's just it's just hard. It's unfortunate that this
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: has to happen, because you know what, maybe the most
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: unfortunate thing here is that Jenna is kind of stuck
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: in the middle of something she had no part in.
• 24:20
  Speaker 2: Mm hmm, that's too bad.
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: All right, well, Ben, let's go with yours. Yours is
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: probably I mean, not that we have to decide the
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: best almost good advice, but yours is probably the best
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: almost good well.
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: And I think this is the way that you know,
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: we I've life doesn't always work perfectly, but I think
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: in difficult situations, ones that you feel stuck, I feel
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: like the best way to navigate it is always over communicate.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: Like you have to over you know, if it's marriage,
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: if it's friendships, whatever, the more you communicate, the the
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: better it. It kind of flushes itself out. And so
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: here it's the communication to you know, And that's also
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: great advice.
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: The only the times in my life where I've felt
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: the most stuck are the ones where I've tried to
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: make like people happy on both sides, and then like
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: I end up not over communicating and like kind of
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: keeping a little bit too secret on both sides just
• 25:17
  Speaker 3: to keep everybody happy. So that's amazing advice. And I
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: just feel like you should be a minister with a
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: sermon on Sunday every week.
• 25:25
  Speaker 1: That, Yeah, that would not go well, I would Ashley.
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: This has been our first episode of Almost Good Advice.
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: I think it was almost good Advice. I don't know
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: if it's the perfect advice. We didn't promise that, but
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: it's a lot of fun for us to hear from you.
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: I know your situations in life are all crazy. It's
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: full of joy and pain and confusion and isolation. Is
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: full of the human experience. And here at the Almost
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: Famous Podcast are Almost Good Advice episodes. Just hope to
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: help you feel a little less alone, know that you
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: aren't doing this thing isolated, that other people are in
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: it with you. And if you hear a story that
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: you relate with, Retican, we would love to hear more
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: from you, then we're gonna come back. We'll be back
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: next week with another episode of almost Good Advice. Keep
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: your stories flowing in. We don't want to stop this
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: anytime soon. We'll only have to stop it if the
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: story stop coming. So write in with your stories, big
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: or small, walk in front of them. We'll talk about
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: the best we can. This has been the Almost Famous
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: Podcast episode of Almost Good Advice.
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: Until next time.
• 26:29
  Speaker 3: I've been benpen Ashley See you guys.
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts on iHeartRadio,
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.