Latest / The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom / 232. Why Dropping Your Child Off at College Hurts So Much

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232. Why Dropping Your Child Off at College Hurts So Much · The Midlife Momma Podcast - Empty nest mom, Parenting adult children, Midlife transition, Christian mom

• 0:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Christian parenting.
• 0:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey mama, I'm Pamela Hinklman, certified emptiness coach and your listening to the mid-life Mama podcast.
• 0:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: This show is for Christian moms navigating the emptiness, learning how to let go with grace, set healthy boundaries, reconnected marriage, and step confidently into their God-given purpose.
• 0:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Each week I'll coach you through this season
• 0:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: On his conversations and practical tools that you can apply right away to your relationships and your life.
• 0:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: If this episode encourages you, I'd be grateful if you leave a quick rating and review.
• 0:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: It helps other moms find the support they need.
• 0:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: You'll find the link in the show notes.
• 0:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And make sure you're following the podcast, and let's get started.
• 0:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're preparing to drop your son or daughter off that college, or you've recently made that emotional drive home, this episode is for you.
• 0:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: You may be feeling excited for your child, while also carrying an ache that you didn't expect.
• 1:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: Those two emotions can exist at the same time.
• 1:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Today, I'm sharing six reasons why saying goodbye feels so incredibly hard, and how God gently meets us in this transition.
• 1:16
  [SPEAKER_00]: My prayers that you leave this episode feeling understood, encouraged and reminded that while y'all child is beginning a new chapter, God is faithfully walking you into it too.
• 1:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: Let me tell you about dropping our fifth child at college.
• 1:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: The August sun beat down as we unloaded our overpacked cars and slept box after box to the third floor of my daughter's dorm.
• 1:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: The sidewalks buzzed with nervous freshmen and parents carrying lamps, many fridge-raaders betting and everything else that somehow didn't fit into a single vehicle.
• 1:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: Everyone was smiling, but beneath the excitement lingered something heavier.
• 1:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Our youngest daughter, Kizaya, couldn't have been happier.
• 1:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: She carefully unpacked her favorite things while her dad wrestled the refrigerator up three flights of stairs and lofted her bed.
• 2:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: We arranged fluffy throw pillows on her futon, tucked little plants into the window sill and admired the cozy rooms she'd soon call a home.
• 2:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: A warm breeze drifted through the open window and for a moment everything felt just right.
• 2:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: We grabbed Chick-fil-A made one last target run and returned to her room for the final look around.
• 2:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: We didn't want to hover or make the good by harder than an opportunity was.
• 2:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: She sat on her futon, looked around her room with a smile and simply said, I think I'm ready.
• 2:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: She was, and I wasn't, because I had always been fiercely independent.
• 2:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: I never doubted she'd dry that college.
• 2:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: My tears weren't written in fear that she'd fail.
• 2:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: They came from the realization that I wouldn't no longer see her sweet face every morning or hear her walk through the kitchen every evening.
• 2:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: 18 years had somehow passed in what felt like a heartbeat.
• 2:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: I bet you've been there too.
• 2:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: As we've hugged goodbye, a lump caught in my throat, tears quietly rolled on our cheeks.
• 2:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: I think she cried more because she hated to seeing us sad than because she was afraid of what lay ahead.
• 3:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then we climbed into the car and began the three hour drive home.
• 3:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: The silence was almost unbearable.
• 3:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: The house waiting for us hadn't changed, but everything about our family had.
• 3:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're preparing to drop a son or daughter off that college, you've already made that drive with tears streaming down your face.
• 3:22
  [SPEAKER_00]: I want you to know you're not overreacting.
• 3:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're grieving a beautiful transition.
• 3:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: The sadness you feel is an assign you're holding on to tightly.
• 3:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's evidence of how deeply you've loved.
• 3:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Understanding why this season hurts can bring comfort and remind you that you're not walking through it alone.
• 3:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here are six reasons dropping your child at college
• 3:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: Reason number one, you won't be part of their daily life.
• 3:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: As our kids grow to high school, we slowly adjust to seeing them less.
• 3:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: They have jobs and sports friends and busy scandals, but nothing quite prepares you for the day they move away to college.
• 3:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's the ordinary moments that you grieve the most.
• 4:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: You won't hear them come through the front door after class or catch a glimpse of them standing in a kitchen looking for something to eat.
• 4:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: There's no passing hugs in the
• 4:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: no more seeing them in all their bedhead morning glory as they wander toward the coffee pot.
• 4:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: Those little moments seem so ordinary at the time, but they quietly become the rhythm of family life.
• 4:25
  [SPEAKER_00]: Their absence creates a space that feels impossible to explain.
• 4:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's longing mixed with gratitude.
• 4:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: You're thankful they're stepping confidently into the life God has for them.
• 4:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: Yet your heart aches because someone you love so deeply is no longer woven into that everyday fabric of your home.
• 4:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you've ever found yourself crying over something as simple as an empty bedroom or a quiet kitchen, don't judge yourself.
• 4:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Love always leaves fingerprints when someone you love every day for 18 years is suddenly gone.
• 4:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your heart naturally feels the weight of that change.
• 4:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: You have permission to
• 5:06
  [SPEAKER_00]: Reason number two, why it feels so hard, is that you realize how little control you really have.
• 5:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, this one hits, doesn't it, Mama?
• 5:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: One of the hardest parts of dropping your child off the colleges is realizing how much your role has changed.
• 5:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: When they live at home, their presence gave you a quiet sense of security.
• 5:24
  [SPEAKER_00]: If they were struggling, you can notice it.
• 5:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can make their favorite meal, stay up talking, offer advice, and simply be there.
• 5:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Even though you couldn't fix everything, being close made you feel like you could help, but college changes that.
• 5:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now they're making decisions without you.
• 5:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: They've had hard days.
• 5:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: They'll have hard days that you won't know much about until later, if they tell you at all.
• 5:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: They'll navigate disappointments, relationships, struggles, home sickness, and moments of uncertainty without you standing nearby.
• 5:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: That realization can leave your heart feeling helpless.
• 5:58
  [SPEAKER_00]: The truth is, we've ever had as much control as we imagined, we simply had proximity.
• 6:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now God is inviting us to exchange the illusion of control for deeper trust.
• 6:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Every time fear rises, let it become a cue to pray.
• 6:14
  [SPEAKER_00]: And trust your son or daughter to the God who never sleeps, never misses a detail, and loves them even more than you do.
• 6:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: While you can no longer be present for every moment of their journey, he can, and as you place your child into his faithful hands again, and again, you'll discover that peace grows were controlled once lived.
• 6:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Number three, you're replaying your parenting regrets.
• 6:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: Oh, this is a tough one.
• 6:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: The week's leading up to college can stir up regrets.
• 6:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: You thought you had long buried.
• 6:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: As you pack boxes and sort through 18 years of memories, your mind starts replaying old moment.
• 6:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: You wondered if you prepared them well enough.
• 6:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: You questions the times you've lost your patients, this opportunity is to listen, rescue you when you shouldn't have left them struggle, or carried responsibilities, they should have learned to carry themselves.
• 7:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's amazing how quickly one goodbye can make you second guess an entire childhood.
• 7:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: We Greta has a way of convincing us that if only we had done one thing differently, our child would be more confident, more prepared, more successful.
• 7:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: But that's simply not true.
• 7:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: No parent gets it right every time, and every one of us has moments we'd love to revisit.
• 7:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: But instead of allowing regret to become the loudest voice in your heart, we see he've got grace.
• 7:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remind yourself, I did the best I could with a knowledge and the wisdom I had at the time.
• 7:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: God has never asked you to be the perfect mother.
• 7:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: He simply asked you to faithfully love the child he entrusted to you.
• 7:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your mistakes are not stronger than God's ability to lead your son or daughter.
• 7:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: He has always been at work in your child's life and he is more than able to redeem what you wish you had done differently.
• 7:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: Trust him to fill every gap your parenting couldn't.
• 8:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Hey mama, if your house feels too quiet and your heart feels too heavy after launching your child, I've created a guide just for you.
• 8:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's called journaling through transitional grief.
• 8:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: A gentle, faith-filled resource to help you process the deep of motions of letting go.
• 8:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: Inside, you'll find six reflection questions that will help you name your feelings, invite God into the grief and experience his comfort in the middle of change.
• 8:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, transitional grief is only a season and God is leading you to warm peace, purpose, and joy.
• 8:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can grab your free copy at the link in the show notes.
• 8:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, let's get back to our conversation.
• 8:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: Reason number four, my drive, dropping your cup, your child off that college is so hard.
• 8:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: You fear your child may not succeed.
• 8:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: This one is hard.
• 8:53
  [SPEAKER_00]: Sending your child to college requires something every mom finds difficult, trusting them to navigate life without you.
• 9:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: As they step into this new season, your imagination can become your greatest enemy.
• 9:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your mind races ahead, filling in blanks with worst-case scenarios, hello and be ever gone that.
• 9:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: What if they never find their people?
• 9:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: What if they're overwhelmed by the coursework?
• 9:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: What if they make choices they'll regret?
• 9:19
  [SPEAKER_00]: What if they dripped away from their fame?
• 9:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: Before long, you're grieving possibilities that haven't even happened.
• 9:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: The fear is really about college.
• 9:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's about watching someone you love, walk into situations that you can't control.
• 9:35
  [SPEAKER_00]: When those anxious thoughts begin to spiral, gently bring yourself back to when it's true.
• 9:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your child doesn't need a mom who panics every time life gets hard.
• 9:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: They need a mom who believes they are capable, resilient and deeply loved by God.
• 9:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: When they call with a hard day, resist the urge to solve every problem.
• 9:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: Listen well, ask in questions, be curious, encourage them, pray with them if they're open to it.
• 10:03
  [SPEAKER_00]: Lend them your courage until they begin to build some of their own.
• 10:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: Little by little, they'll discover they can handle more than they thought they could.
• 10:11
  [SPEAKER_00]: And you'll discover that God has been caring for them all along.
• 10:15
  [SPEAKER_00]: Reason number five, Wyatt Hertz,
• 10:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you don't want to watch your child struggle, one of the hardest parts of sending your child to college is knowing they will struggle and you won't be there to soften every hard moment.
• 10:32
  [SPEAKER_00]: As mom, we spent years comforting encouraging helping our kids through disappointment.
• 10:37
  [SPEAKER_00]: We naturally want to make life easier for the people we love.
• 10:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: and watching them carry a heavy workload, navigate difficult roommates, wrestle with loneliness, or experience failure can make your heart ache.
• 10:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: But here's what I've learned.
• 10:50
  [SPEAKER_00]: Struggle isn't the enemy.
• 10:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Some of the very experiences we wish we could spare our children are the ones God uses to shape their character, deepen their faith, and build resilience.
• 11:02
  [SPEAKER_00]: Every challenge they work through without you quietly whispers, you can do hard things.
• 11:09
  [SPEAKER_00]: instead of rushing in to rescue, become their greatest encourager.
• 11:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: Listen well, pray faithfully remind them of what is true, believe in them even when they aren't sure they believe in themselves.
• 11:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: Then allow them the dignity of solving problems they are capable of handling.
• 11:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: As your child grows in confidence, you'll discover something surprising about yourself too.
• 11:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: The energy you spent carrying responsibilities that are no longer belong to you can now be invested in your own healing, your own calling, and the next season God has prepared for you.
• 11:42
  [SPEAKER_00]: Letting go is an abandoning your child.
• 11:44
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's making room for both of you to grow.
• 11:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: This is a hard one.
• 11:55
  [SPEAKER_00]: For years, motherhood shaped the rhythm of your days.
• 11:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: You poured yourself into packing lunches, helping with homework, cheering from the sidelines, praying through hard seasons, wiping tears, giving advice, and creating a home where your child knew they belonged.
• 12:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Loving your child wasn't just something you did.
• 12:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: It became woven into the fabric of who would you believe yourself to be.
• 12:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: And so when your child leaves her college, it's natural to wonder who am I now?
• 12:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: If your identity has become tightly wrapped around your role as a mom, this transition can feel like you've lost a piece of yourself.
• 12:31
  [SPEAKER_00]: The sadness isn't only about missing your child, it's about trying to figure out who you are in this new season.
• 12:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: But this is where God gently reminds you of something you've always been.
• 12:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: before you were ever a mom, you were his.
• 12:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your gods beloved daughter, chosen, redeemed, forgiven, treasured and deeply love, your worth has never dependent on how many children lived on your roof, or how needed you felt.
• 13:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your identity has always rested securely in Christ.
• 13:04
  [SPEAKER_00]: Motherhood is one of the greatest colonies God will ever give you, but it was never meant to be the only one.
• 13:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: This season isn't the end of your purpose, it's an invitation to discover the beautiful things God has preparing for you all along.
• 13:18
  [SPEAKER_00]: He still has people for you to encourage, gifts for you to use, dreams for you to pursue, and kingdom work for you to accomplish.
• 13:26
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your children are stepping into the life God has for them.
• 13:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Now, with the open hands and a trusting heart, it's time for you to step into the life He has for you too.
• 13:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: As you drive away from that college campus with tears in your eyes, remember this.
• 13:41
  [SPEAKER_00]: Your sadness is in the sign you're falling apart.
• 13:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's evidence that you love deeply.
• 13:46
  [SPEAKER_00]: Every hug, every bedtime prayer, every late night conversation, every ride to practice, and every ordinary Tuesday mattered.
• 13:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: dropping your emerging adult op-acologist one of the most sacred and bittersweet milestones of motherhood.
• 14:00
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's normal to grieve what was, even as you celebrate what's ahead.
• 14:05
  [SPEAKER_00]: As your child begins this new chapter, God is beginning one for you.
• 14:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: He sees every tear.
• 14:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: that falls on the drive home, he understands the ache of an empty bedroom in the quiet that settles over your house.
• 14:17
  [SPEAKER_00]: He also knows the plans he has for both you and your child.
• 14:21
  [SPEAKER_00]: So hold your emerging adult with open hands and hold tightly to the God who holds you both.
• 14:27
  [SPEAKER_00]: He has gone before your child and he will faithfully walk beside you in this new season of Motherhood.
• 14:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Mama, if you're grieving this transition, remember that your sadness isn't something to fix.
• 14:40
  [SPEAKER_00]: It's a reflection of the deep love you poured into a child for years.
• 14:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: Here's your coaching tip of the week.
• 14:47
  [SPEAKER_00]: And each episode, I will give you one actual step to improve your life.
• 14:51
  [SPEAKER_00]: Remember, you can't change everything, but you can take one step to be better.
• 14:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: This week, I want you to honor the grief.
• 14:59
  [SPEAKER_00]: Go to the show notes and grab my free guide, journaling through transitional grief, and begin the journey of working through the heart.
• 15:07
  [SPEAKER_00]: God is near, let him comfort you.
• 15:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: you can find the link to that in the show note.
• 15:13
  [SPEAKER_00]: And as you release your son or daughter into this next season, trust the same God who has bates belief care for them.
• 15:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: Until now, we'll continue to lead protecting God them.
• 15:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: He is already waiting for them on campus and he's walking beside you on the journey home.
• 15:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: If this episode encouraged you, I'd love for you to follow the podcast.
• 15:33
  [SPEAKER_00]: Leave a review and share it with another mom who's preparing to send a child to college.
• 15:38
  [SPEAKER_00]: And if you're struggling to let go or wondering who you are in this new season, I'd love to walk alongside you through coaching.
• 15:45
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can apply at the link in the show notes.
• 15:48
  [SPEAKER_00]: Grace and peace, mama.
• 15:49
  [SPEAKER_00]: You've got this and God's got you.
• 15:52
  [SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for spending time with me on the Midlife Mama podcast.
• 15:56
  [SPEAKER_00]: My hope is that you leave each episode, feeling encouraged, grounded, and clearer.
• 16:01
  [SPEAKER_00]: Clearer about what you're feeling, what God may be stirring in you, and how to move forward in the season of the empty nest.
• 16:08
  [SPEAKER_00]: Through these conversations, I'm not just sharing stories, I'm coaching you.
• 16:12
  [SPEAKER_00]: Helping you name what's happening beneath the service, challenging the thoughts that keep you stuck and take intentional steps toward peace and confidence as a midlife mom.
• 16:23
  [SPEAKER_00]: If you're ready to go deeper and want personalized coaching support, I invite you to apply for coaching.
• 16:29
  [SPEAKER_00]: Coaching is a focused one-on-one space where we work together to gain clarity
• 16:34
  [SPEAKER_00]: Process emotions and discern what God is calling you to in this next chapter.
• 16:39
  [SPEAKER_00]: You'll find the application linked in the show notes and let's stay connected.
• 16:43
  [SPEAKER_00]: You can find me on Instagram at P-Hinkleman that's P-H-E-M-K-E-L-M-A-N or on Facebook at Pamela Hinkleman M-D-Nest Coach.
• 16:54
  [SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to figure out the season alone mama.
• 16:57
  [SPEAKER_00]: Support and direction are possible and I'm here when you're ready.