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Unlocking Your Parenting Superpower: The Power of Words with Jody Hill · ABCs of Parenting Adult Children

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_03: And yet, the thing that is still the same is the impact that our words have on our kids.
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_03: And this is what I share with parents.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_03: The words that you speak to and over your children create a belief inside of them and what they believe about themselves.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_03: And that turns into their identity.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_03: And when they have that identity of I'm a failure, I'm not good enough, then their actions will come out of that.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, like what you were saying, James, like when you graduated high school, you did not have any confidence.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_03: Like if I had put you in a room with other graduates and I was like, okay, guys, problem solve, everyone, like get up, share, talk about this.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_03: Like, okay, who what do you have to contribute to the room?
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I guarantee you would have been along the side of the wall because of the lack of confidence that you had in your life.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_03: And so my goal is to how can I not like falsely blow up my children and their egos, but come alongside them in life in such a way where I am encouraging them and growing them.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_03: And so, like, for example, I remember being in fourth grade, took the bus to and from school, and there was a bully on that bus.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_03: Like, he is the definition of bully.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_03: He was mean.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_03: I remember one time he picked up a kid and like threw him on the ground.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_03: And here is like sweet little Jody in a home where we didn't even say, like, shut up.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_03: And here's this like bully on the bus.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_03: And I just kept my distance.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_03: And what was really interesting is one day it was time for me to get off the bus and the bully was like blocking the way.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_03: And so, like, I'm super nervous.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like walking up to him, and all of a sudden, he looks at me in the face and he just sneers at me and he's like, You're an idiot.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_03: To hear those words from an environment where, you know, like we didn't even say stupid or shut up, like it just like hit me really hard.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_03: And then in that moment, I remembered, like, no, I'm not.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_03: I know who I am.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_03: I have the confidence in who I am.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_03: This is not who I am.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_03: And so I just looked at him and I was like, no, I'm not.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_03: And then I walked off the bus.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_03: And I was super shaky and I was super nervous, but I did it.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_03: And I stood up to the bully.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_03: And that was because my parents instilled in me confidence in who I was and in my identity.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_03: And we get to have that role in our children's life because they are born to us.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_03: And we get to be the first people.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_03: They turn to us for the survival for their needs, and they turn to us to tell them who they are.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_03: And so we get that opportunity through our words to either build them up or tear them down.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_03: And so what my heart and my goal is, is to help parents understand you have a superpower.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_03: And that's why I call my book The Parent Secret Superpower.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_03: Because a lot of parents don't even realize that they have it.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_03: But the superpower that they have is their words.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_03: And they can use their words for life or for death.
• 2:40
  SPEAKER_03: And my goal is to equip parents to use them for life.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_03: It's like a Spider-Man's uncle said, with great power comes great responsibility, right?
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: There comes a moment in every parent's life when the role they've known for years begins to change.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: The children they once carried, guided, and protected become adults.
• 3:00
  SPEAKER_00: And suddenly the questions become different.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: How do you stay connected without holding on too tightly?
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: How do you continue loving well when relationships become complicated?
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: And while every family is different, no parent should have to navigate these questions alone.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Each week, James Moppet brings together experts and parents who have walked this road before to explore the realities of parenting adult children.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Through honest conversation and practical wisdom, listeners find hope for the journey ahead.
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: Whether your relationship is thriving, strained, or somewhere in between, there is hope, there is healing, and there is always the possibility of a stronger connection.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: ABC's of Parenting Adult Children.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Helping parents navigate loving their adult sons and daughters well.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: Hello and welcome back to ABC's of Parenting Adult Children.
• 4:03
  SPEAKER_01: My name is James Moffitt, and I will be your host.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode features a powerful conversation with Jodie Hill.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_01: Jody, how are you doing?
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_03: I'm doing so well.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks for having me on your podcast.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: Absolutely.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_01: Together we dive into the real life challenges and growth that come with parenting adult children, exploring boundaries, communications, and what it truly means to let go while staying connected.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_01: Let's get into this.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: Jody, thanks for being on the podcast.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: Please introduce yourself to the listening audience.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_03: Well, my name is Jody.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_03: I am a mama of four children, and I'm an author, a speaker, and my favorite place to go to is the beach.
• 4:41
  SPEAKER_01: Sweet.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and it's getting about that time.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_01: Before you know, I l I'm in South Carolina, and so June, July, and August are the days from hell.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_01: So it's like three digit temperatures and gets toasty and the humidity goes through the roof.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: I I do not like summertime.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_01: Summertime is not my is not my favorite.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I I'm built like a baby seal in a blong up north, a blong in the Arctic or Oregon or somewhere where it's cold and damp, right?
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_03: I grew up in Michigan, so it gets pretty cold in the wintertime.
• 5:15
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so I'm gonna read this from your profile for for the listening and watching audience on YouTube.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_01: Jody says I help parents understand how their everyday words shape a child's confidence, self-belief, and identity, especially in a world where peers, screens, and social media influence kids earlier than ever.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: There's just a whole ton of gold in that paragraph.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_01: My work is rooted in real life during a season when I could not control what my four young children would walk through.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_01: I realized I could influence how they walked through it.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_01: That insight led me to study the science and faith behind the power of words and become deeply intentional about how parents use their voice.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: And Jody, when I read your profile and I read this, I thought that's a message that we can't talk enough about, right?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_01: And and when it says I help parents understand how their everyday words shape a child's confidence, self-belief, and identity, words are very powerful.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_01: Especially in a world where peers, screens, and social media influence kids.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: Now that that doesn't mean there wasn't any peer pressure or anything like that.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_01: However, you didn't have screen time, you didn't have bullies bullying you on Snapchat or TikTok or any of these host of social apps that are out there.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_01: There's just a t about 10 or 15 of them.
• 6:37
  SPEAKER_01: I can't say all of them, but there are so many.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: And you hear of teenagers committing suicide because they are being bullied online.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_03: Horrible.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_03: Our children growing up in today's age.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I think I was one of the last generations to be raised without a cell phone.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_03: Like I didn't get a cell phone until I was in college.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_03: And so now you're right, like times are so different.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_03: And yet, the thing that is still the same is the impact that our words have on our kids.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_03: And this is what I share with parents.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_03: The words that you speak to and over your children create a belief inside of them and what they believe about themselves.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_03: And that turns into their identity.
• 7:15
  SPEAKER_03: And when they have that identity of I'm a failure, I'm not good enough, then their actions will come out of that.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, like what you were saying, James, like when you graduated high school, you did not have any confidence.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_03: Like if I had put you in a room with other graduates and I was like, okay, guys, problem solve.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_03: Everyone, like, get up, share, talk about this.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_03: Like, okay, who, what do you have to contribute to the room?
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I guarantee you would have been along the side of the wall because of the lack of confidence that you had in your life.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_03: And so my goal is to how can I not like falsely blow up my children and their egos, but come alongside them in life in such a way where I am encouraging them and growing them.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_03: And so, like, for example, I remember being in fourth grade, took the bus to and from school, and there was a bully on that bus.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_03: Like, he is the definition of bully.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_03: He was mean.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_03: I remember one time he picked up a kid and like threw him on the ground.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_03: And here is like sweet little Jody in a home where we didn't even say, like, shut up.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_03: And here's this like bully on the bus.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_03: And I just kept my distance.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_03: And what was really interesting is one day it was time for me to get off the bus and the bully was like blocking the way.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_03: And so, like, I'm super nervous.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like walking up to him, and all of a sudden he looks at me in the face and he just sneers at me and he's like, You're an idiot.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_03: To hear those words from an environment where, you know, like we didn't even say stupid or shut up, like it just like hit me really hard.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_03: And then in that moment, I remembered, like, no, I'm not.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_03: I know who I am.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_03: I have the confidence in who I am.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_03: This is not who I am.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_03: And so I just looked at him and I was like, no, I'm not.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_03: And then I walked off the bus.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_03: And I was super shaky and I was super nervous, but I did it and I stood up to the bully.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_03: And that was because my parents instilled in me confidence in who I was and in my identity.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_03: And we get to have that role in our children's life because they are born to us and we get to be the first people.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_03: They turn to us for the survival for their needs, and they turn to us to tell them who they are.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_03: And so we get that opportunity through our words to either build them up or tear them down.
• 9:24
  SPEAKER_03: And so, what my heart and my goal is, is to help parents understand you have a superpower.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_03: And that's why I call my book The Parent Secret Superpower, because a lot of parents don't even realize that they have it.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_03: But the superpower that they have is their words.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_03: And they can use their words for life or for death.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_03: And my goal is to equip parents to use them for life.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_03: It's like uh Spider-Man's uncle said, with great power comes great responsibility, right?
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_01: So let's talk about school buses just for a second.
• 12:53
  unknown: Okay.
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_01: Promise not to go down the rabbit hole too far.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: But but this is twenty tw uh twenty-six.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just say since nineteen seventy, school districts all across the United States have been cramming all of our children into these metal tubes with with no the driver sitting at the front of the bus, probably listening to headphones, not paying any attention to the bullies and and all the horrible things that are going on in the back.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_01: There's no seat belts.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_01: That's one thing that we need to fix.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: Why are we just rubber stamping school buses all through the generations and and we have children being tortured?
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_01: I was bullied on a bus.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_01: My kids were bullied on a bus, right?
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, anyway, I need to have an episode so I can rant about school buses.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: The horrible tragedy of bullying and not wearing seatbelts.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, why are there not any seatbelts in a bus?
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_03: All right, so I actually have an answer for that if you want to hear the answer to that one.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_03: Because I was curious myself.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_03: You want to know.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_01: Go ahead.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_03: So supposedly the buses have are so much big, they're so they're so big and they have so much mass that if they get hit by another car, it's not going to impact it.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_03: So that's why they don't do seatbelts.
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_03: Fact check me on that, but that is that's what I read at once.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_03: And I cry BS.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: I cry BS because what happen what happens if that bus gets stuck on a train track?
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: Gosh.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: Or if it gets hit by an 18-wheeler.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_03: That is a little question.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: Now, little four wheel wheeled cars and trucks that are smaller that have four wheels, I get that.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_01: They'll just they're just gonna bounce off.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: More damage is gonna happen to the passenger vehicle than the bus.
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_01: Plus, the bus is up off the ground a little bit.
• 14:35
  SPEAKER_01: But there's there's 18 wheelers.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: Where's there's thousands and thousands of 18 wheelers all around us all day long.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_03: Typically not on neighborhood side streets, but I get your point.
• 14:44
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, my kids going on a field trip since that's true.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_03: But I will say this let's talk about the bullying on the bus for a minute, right?
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_03: A lot of bad things can happen on the bus.
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_03: And also a lot of good things can happen too.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_03: And my heart and my goal is to raise kids who will stand up to those bullies.
• 15:00
  SPEAKER_03: So they have the confidence and who they are and the justice in them and the morality in them to know that this is not okay.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_03: I was just watching a movie with my 10 and 12-year-old.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_03: It was one of the Spider-Man ones with Andrew Garfield, and there was a bully that was like picking on this kid, and all of the kids were like around them chanting.
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, Are you kidding me?
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_03: Like, and I was talking with my kids.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_03: If you don't stand up, you're a bystander.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_03: And we need, and this we were listening to a Holocaust talk, and the guy was saying, we need more upstanders.
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_03: Like, if every one of those kids actually stood up to the bully, he would be vanquished.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_03: But if we stand by and don't and just let things happen, we are actually contributing to the problem.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_03: So, you know, my heart is just to raise kids who believe in who they are and know their identity and know their worth, know that home is a safe place to learn and fail and try again.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_03: And when we can do that for our kids, like we really can raise some incredible kids who can change the world.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_01: So, how old are your children?
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_03: So currently they are seven, eight, ten, twelve.
• 16:01
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so you've got you've got some preteens.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_03: I do new territory for me.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_01: And then they're going to turn into terrible teens.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_03: All right, let's talk about that, shall we?
• 16:13
  SPEAKER_03: Sure.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_03: One of my super strategies that I share is to stand against villainous beliefs.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm gonna make a statement that may be a little controversial.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, but I do not believe in the terrible twos.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_01: No, I said terrible teens.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_03: Well, we're getting there.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_03: I don't believe ferocious.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_01: The terrible twos are kind of cute in a lot of ways.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_01: Terrible teens are not cute.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_03: Well, and then I I reject it when people say, just wait till your kids are teenagers.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_03: Just wait till they're in the twos, just wait till they're in the fours.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_03: Because this is what happens, right?
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_03: When we believe something, we our brain starts to look for things that make it true.
• 16:53
  SPEAKER_03: So I have a great, okay.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_03: So my child, oldest child at the time, he was like, I don't know, two and a half, right?
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_03: Definitely in the terrible two phase.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_03: Well, like before I preface that, is when we believe something, then like I said, we show up expecting it and we also respond in that way as if like this is what we're gonna expect.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_03: And so we can even like come into situations like racing ourselves because we're like, great, this is the terrible two behavior.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_03: Here we go again, right?
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_03: Anyway, two-year-old son at the island in my kitchen.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_03: I had just finished cleaning it.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_03: Like, it's a moment of victory.
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_03: Like, let's celebrate, right?
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_03: I'd given my son a juice box.
• 17:25
  SPEAKER_03: I don't think he'd had very many juice boxes.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_03: And so I put my back to him and all of a sudden I hear liquid splashing.
• 17:33
  SPEAKER_03: And I turn around and I see my sweet, precious two and a half-year-old kid taking his juice box and squeezing it upside down on my brand new clean counter.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_03: So if I am a mom and I am believing that my child is in the terrible twos, they're always terrible or often terrible.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_03: They're out to get me, they're out to wreak havoc, they're out to throw a fit.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_03: How am I gonna respond in that moment?
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna be like, oh my gosh, what are you doing?
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_03: What are you thinking?
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_03: What are you, oh my gosh.
• 18:03
  SPEAKER_03: And then you grab them, I grab them, I pick them up, and I throw them out of the room.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, get out of here.
• 18:07
  SPEAKER_03: I need to clean this mess up.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_03: And then what do I have?
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_03: I have a kid who is a terrible because they're like throwing a fit now.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_03: And like all that was going on for them in that moment very well could have been, which is often the two, you know, and kids are in twos, they're developing, they're learning boundaries, they're learning what they can do and what they can't do, right?
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_03: All that was going on for him as this moment is, oh, I wonder what happens if I turn this juice box down.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_03: That's it.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_03: And all of a sudden he's being like ripped out, scolded, shamed, and shoved out of the room, right?
• 18:34
  SPEAKER_03: As opposed to what I did in this moment, which to preface, I'm not always perfect.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_03: I don't always get this right.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_03: However, this is what I did in that moment.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_03: I turned around and I was like shocked.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, okay, I was like, all right, let's take this, let's turn this up.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_03: The juice box is typically for drinking.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_03: If you don't want to drink it and you wanna see what happens when you turn it upside down, totally cool, but you can do that outside.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_03: And once the juice is gone, it's gone.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, bud?
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_03: All right, here's a paper towel.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_03: I've got a paper towel.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_03: Let's go ahead and clean this mess up, okay?
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_03: No drama, no temper tantrums, no shaming is needed.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_03: And what does this kid learn?
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_03: He learns what he does with the juice box.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_03: And guess what?
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_03: If he does it again, he goes straight outside or he loses a juice box, right?
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_03: He gets to learn what's okay and what's not okay, and he still gets connection with me, which I think is some of the biggest reasons why kids are turning outside of the home for their identity and for belonging because they don't feel like their home is a safe place for them to mess up.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_03: And it can be something as simple as a juice box or, you know, not doing well on a test or different things like that.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm continuing to believe the best is yet to come with every phase of my kids.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, will there be challenges?
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_03: 100%, but our mentality going into it really makes a difference.
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_03: So I don't know what you think about that, but that's my experience so far.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_01: I I think that you uh handled that situation very, very good.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: You're level headed, you didn't you didn't introduce any drama into this the situation and and you know it at at the age of two, you kind of expect that to happen because they're still learning, right?
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_01: 100%.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_01: And and the thing the thing that and I still have questions to ask you, but I want to roll with this conversation while we're we're doing it.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_01: Because it's really good.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: I think that well, I'll just talk about myself in my childhood, um, if you want to call it that, we weren't allowed to be children.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: Children were to be seen and not heard.
• 20:33
  SPEAKER_01: So because because our parents expected my sister and I to be perfect little ten soldiers.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: When we would go visit family members, we would we were told to, you know, don't speak unless spoken to, you go sit on the couch, you hold your hands in your lap, you don't touch things, you don't do any of that stuff.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_01: Which basically and back then I I didn't know, you know, and when I was a kid, the number one priority in my head, my little noggin, was to stay off mommy and daddy's radar, because I didn't want to get an ass whooping, right?
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: Because I I knew when I got home, I mean I'd get a talking to while we were at outside of the house, but when we got home, we probably got the belt.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: You know?
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: So I was a perfect little tin soldier as much as possible.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_01: And of course, you know, outside of mom and dad, you know, I was rebellious and did what I wanted to do.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_01: But with like when I was within sight or earshot of them, I was perfect.
• 21:24
  SPEAKER_01: Well I was perfect in their eyes, right?
• 21:28
  SPEAKER_03: Right, from what they know of.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, from what they know of.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_01: And but anyway, you know, and that's that's the thing that I want to take from the lesson I take from that is is that parents need to let their children, whether they're two years old or twenty years old, they have to live their lives and they're going to make mistakes.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 21:46
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and their kids, let's say from the age of two until about six, seven, eight, nine years old, they need to be able to run, you know, run and yell and romp and roll and play.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and use that energy, right?
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_01: And they learn how to socialize with other kids.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I think the biggest takeaway I have from my childhood is that we just weren't allowed to be kids, you know?
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: And there's there's nothing wrong with boundaries, there's nothing wrong with teaching kids things, teaching them our moral values, teaching our religion, our political standpoints, our views on this, that, or another.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_01: There's nothing wrong with having teachable moments, but every single minute of every single hour of every single day can't be a teachable moment.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_03: Or a moment filled of shame, right?
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: Kids need to kids need to have, just like adults, we need to have time to let our hair down and to relax and to breathe and read a book, watch TV, get on the internet, whatever it is that we want to do to relax and to unwind, kids need that too.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_01: Kids have their own unique pressures that they're under in this day and age.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_01: So I wanna I wanna back up a little bit and let's see.
• 23:01
  SPEAKER_01: See, a lot of these questions are for adult children.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_03: Well, something to think about too, you know, thinking about adult children, right?
• 23:08
  SPEAKER_03: Is that there may be some adults, some parents of adult children who are listening to this and they're realizing, like, crap, I've done a really crappy job with my children.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_03: And now it's just too late.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_03: Like they're old, right?
• 23:25
  SPEAKER_03: And so I what I would want to, what I want to encourage them is it is never too late.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I am 43 years old.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_03: And when my mom tells me, Joe, you are such a good mom, like I see you trying really hard, or whatever.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_03: She just affirms me, like I light up inside, right?
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_03: And so it is never too late, never, ever, ever.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_03: And so what I would encourage parents of themselves, whether your kids are adults or whether they're babies or whether they're teens, is like you can start today to shift the way that you speak to your children.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: What are some practical ways to establish healthy boundaries?
• 24:00
  SPEAKER_01: Well, let's say preteens and teenagers.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_01: There's some healthy what practical ways.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_03: All right.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_03: So I'm gonna great story.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_03: How do you do it?
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_03: My poor children, they are my guinea pigs, right?
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_03: So here's a really great example.
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_03: This is a perfect example of me instilling integrity and honoring their word to my children.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_03: All right, the other night I was getting the littles down, not really the littles anymore, but I was getting the younger two kids down, and my older two kids said, Hey, can we stay up a little bit later?
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, How about 9.15?
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_03: And they were actually we wanted to like cook something, and so can we do 9.30?
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, totally.
• 24:36
  SPEAKER_03: I gave them 45 minutes, right?
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_03: So I've said at 9 30, I need you coming up these steps and getting ready for bed.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_03: What time are you gonna be coming up the steps?
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_03: Like 9 30.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_03: Great.
• 24:47
  SPEAKER_03: I get the littles down.
• 24:49
  SPEAKER_03: And it comes 9 30.
• 24:51
  SPEAKER_03: And guess what?
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_03: They're not coming up the steps.
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_03: It's 9 31.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_03: It's 9 32.
• 24:57
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm just waiting and it's 9 33.
• 24:59
  SPEAKER_03: They finally come around the bottom of the steps and start coming up.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, hey guys.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_03: It's like, what time did you guys say that you were going to be coming up the steps?
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_03: 9 30.
• 25:08
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_03: What time is it now?
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_03: 9 33.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_03: Would you say that you honored the word that you gave me?
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_03: Like, well, we're coming up now, and it's only three minutes, mom.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, what prevented you from honoring your word of 9 30?
• 25:23
  SPEAKER_03: Like, well, you know, I just got the chicken nuggets in.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_03: Like the chicken nuggets that take 20 minutes to cook.
• 25:29
  SPEAKER_03: You just put those in now.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_03: Like, yeah, we were just busy doing so and and the and we just had this whole conversation.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_03: Excuse me.
• 25:36
  SPEAKER_03: So we had this short, brief conversation.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_03: It wasn't a whole conversation, but it was just like, hey, your word is really important to me.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_03: And I need to know in these small micro moments that I can trust you.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_03: And when you build trust in these little ways, then when you get a car and start driving, and I know that I can trust you when you're going to pick up your friends or you're not texting on your phone while you're driving.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_03: That builds trust for things down the road.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_03: And so a natural consequence of that, I was like, y'all, I'm really sorry, but tomorrow night you have to go to bed at your usual time.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_03: You can't stay up late.
• 26:11
  SPEAKER_03: But we'll try again.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_03: And then I also was like, hey, like, what could you have done differently to help you honor your word?
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_03: And then it's great because it's now it's like getting them to switch their brain and start thinking of like, okay, how can I show up differently?
• 26:23
  SPEAKER_03: Like, what could I have done?
• 26:25
  SPEAKER_03: Instead of just me like being like, oh my gosh, one, being like letting them get away with it and not saying anything at all.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_03: Or two, just like yelling at them, like, oh my gosh, you're late.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_03: You didn't do it.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_03: I know you guys are lazy.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_03: You're so much better than this.
• 26:38
  SPEAKER_03: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 26:39
  SPEAKER_03: You know, like that is not helpful.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_03: As an adult, when you do something that is not the best, like, does it feel good when someone's like yelling and shaming at you?
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_03: Or is it helpful when they partner alongside you to help you learn how to do differently?
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_03: So that's one example.
• 26:53
  SPEAKER_03: Because my goal is for my kids to learn responsibility without shame and to take ownership without fear.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_03: And when they feel like they can mess up in my home and in my presence, and again, we're not excusing it.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_03: They're taking responsibility and ownership.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_03: But when they have that strong foundation in my home, then I become a safe place for them.
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_03: So then when they get out and they're out with their friends and maybe they mess up or whatever, they know that mom's not gonna just like yell at them and cuss them out, right?
• 27:21
  SPEAKER_03: One that's not really I am, like to cuss my children out.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_03: But they know that I'm going to be a safe place for them.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_03: Will there be consequences?
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_03: 100%.
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_03: But it's the environment that I want to create to call my children up to who I know they can be instead of just squashing them down and being like, You're stupid, you're so forgetful, you're so irresponsible.
• 27:40
  SPEAKER_03: Like that is not helpful.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_01: So you have expectations for them with regards to their behavior and with following boundaries, and you have set a high bar with regards to who they are as an individual, whether they're two or or twelve or seven or whatever, right?
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so so how do you do that?
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_01: Take us through how you it's like you're we'll just use what what's one of your child children's names?
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_03: My youngest.
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_03: His name is Phoenix.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_01: Phoenix.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 28:10
  SPEAKER_01: So how old is he?
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_03: Seven.
• 28:12
  SPEAKER_01: Seven.
• 28:13
  SPEAKER_01: So you have Phoenix.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_01: He's just turned from six to seven.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_01: And when he was six, you had a a I'm trying to figure out how to say this.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_01: In other words, when you looked at him, you saw a developing young man that that is growing and learning, and you're raising the bar just a little bit higher each day, each month, to get him to to transition to a higher level intellectually, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, right?
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_01: And so how do you build that confidence in him so that he knows that mom thinks I'm a good person?
• 28:52
  SPEAKER_01: Mom trusts me to she trusts me to accept the boundaries and to meet those boundaries.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_01: And if I if I screw up, she's not gonna curse at me, she's not going to scream and yell uh and and have a total meltdown.
• 29:07
  SPEAKER_01: Or how do you how do you instill that in a child?
• 29:10
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_03: It starts in a lot of just the micro moments, right?
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_03: It's nothing big and nothing epic.
• 29:16
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, what I do for my children is one of my superpower strategies, it talks about calling them up to greatness.
• 29:23
  SPEAKER_03: So whatever gets attention, kids will repeat, even if it's bad behavior.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_03: So if there is something small that I see my child do, I will affirm them.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_03: So, for example, I was asking his eight-year-old sister to like pick something up.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, girlfriend, I was like, you need to pick this up, because I think this was like the third time I asked her.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_03: And you know what Phoenix did?
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_03: He like got up and he like picked it up and threw it away for her.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, buddy, that was really kind of you.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_03: Like, way to like be kind for your sister.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_03: And then sometimes, like, my kids, like, they'll try and do something.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, no, she actually needs to do it because I've asked her a million times and she gets to do this ones.
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_03: But like when I see like a little kindness, or like he's protecting her with his strength, or he does a good job putting his bowl in the sink.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_03: Like the smallest things that we can affirm our children in, they will repeat and they will thrive in that, right?
• 30:19
  SPEAKER_03: And I mean, I remember my daughter Ember, she's eight, almost nine now.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_03: She was probably three years old and she did something like helpful.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, Ember, like that was so helpful.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_03: Like you are such a good helper.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_03: And I kid you not, like I literally saw her countenance change, and it was just like, I can't even explain it.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_03: She just like got a big smile or shoulders back.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_03: And she is one of, she's my most thoughtful and like conscientious child and like helpful.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_03: So, for example, one time I was like scratching an itch of my arm and she comes in and she likes help scratch it, or like I'm opening my car door, and she literally like put her hand between the car door and the wall so it wouldn't bump it.
• 30:57
  SPEAKER_03: You know, just little things like that.
• 30:59
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm like, you know, one time I was working out in the hallway doing crunches.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_03: Now, Phoenix, my youngest, he's just sitting there counting, make sure I do them all.
• 31:06
  SPEAKER_03: And my youngest Ember, she's like, Do you want a pillow, mom?
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_03: And so, but when we see these, I know it was so sweet.
• 31:13
  SPEAKER_03: I was like, be like that.
• 31:14
  SPEAKER_03: No, I didn't say that.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_03: It just shows their uniqueness, right?
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_03: Um, but anything good that we can see, and I think it's really important to not praise the outcome necessarily, like, good job getting an A, good job getting a perfect score, good job getting that basket.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_03: But it's hey, good job studying really hard, or I'm proud of you for not giving up on that.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_03: I know that was challenging, and I see that you're a hard worker.
• 31:38
  SPEAKER_03: You know, things like that, anything good that we can find in them, we get to call them up to that greatness.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_03: We get to affirm their behaviors that we see, and then we get to call them up to new levels of behavior too.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_03: You know, for example, my oldest son, he um, you know, he's the oldest, and then he has a sister 21 months beneath him.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_03: And then sometimes, you know, he's a boy and he's roughhousing.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_03: And I have no problem with brothers roughhousing with their girls, right?
• 32:01
  SPEAKER_03: Like toughen them up a little bit, right?
• 32:03
  SPEAKER_03: But at one point it was a bit too much.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, hey, dude, I was like, God has given you your strength, not to hurt, but to protect.
• 32:12
  SPEAKER_03: And I see you as a protector, especially for your sisters.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_03: And he was little when I started doing that.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_03: And their relationship today is so sweet.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_03: And we were walking down the street just the other day, and she was out more in the street, and he was by the curb, and a car started coming, and he was like, Hey, London, scoot over, a car is coming.
• 32:32
  SPEAKER_03: This 12-year-old kid who's about to be a teenager in November, right?
• 32:35
  SPEAKER_03: And he has this like thoughtfulness and protectiveness above his sister.
• 32:39
  SPEAKER_03: And right there in that moment, I was like, dude, I was like, wait a look out for your sister and protector.
• 32:43
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I'm really proud of the young man that you're becoming.
• 32:45
  SPEAKER_03: So anytime we can affirm those behaviors, man, they just keep doing them more and more.
• 32:49
  SPEAKER_01: That's awesome.
• 32:50
  SPEAKER_01: So we have parents of adult children, and the age group is 18 to 30.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_01: So we've we've just launched past preteens, we've just launched past teenagers.
• 33:01
  SPEAKER_01: Now we have young adults.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and we know that young adults that can be challenging.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_01: And and as a parent, sometimes we see ourselves when we look at our children.
• 33:10
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes we really see ourselves when they do something wrong.
• 33:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's the worst.
• 33:15
  SPEAKER_01: Or if or if your personality quirk comes out of them.
• 33:26
  SPEAKER_01: Uh cockiness, the same attitude, you know, whatever it might be that that maybe we don't really appreciate about ourselves anymore.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_01: We we you know, hindsight's 2020 and we've grown up and we've matured and we have some wisdom now, at least we hope we do.
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_01: And and then when that when that mirror pops up and we see ourselves, you know, at their age, you're like, no, that's not way the way I want you to be.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want you to be a chip off the old block.
• 33:55
  SPEAKER_01: I want you to be you and approved.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_01: I don't want you to be me.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_01: I want you to be you, mini me.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why we call them mini me, because they they are literally a reflection of us, right?
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_01: And they and and hopefully they have you know our good characteristics as well as some of the bad.
• 34:14
  SPEAKER_01: And it's okay to have some bad characteristics.
• 34:17
  SPEAKER_01: There's okay to have personality flaws, there's okay to be weak in some areas.
• 34:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we're human.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_01: To be human is to err, right?
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's it's it's not when you make a mistake, that's not what's bad.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_01: It's when you make a mistake and you don't learn from it.
• 34:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right?
• 34:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and all through our lives, I turned 65 this year, and I'm still learning.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_01: Learning never ends.
• 34:42
  SPEAKER_01: Learning never ends.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_01: I learned something new in my pro my profession, doing IT support.
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_01: I I learn uh all kinds of stuff from interviewing guests like yourself, you know, subject matter experts in in in the field of parenting adult children and and parenting in general.
• 35:01
  SPEAKER_01: And um, so you know, I keep going back to the old saying of we need to let our kids be kids.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and I'm 65 and I have a a 28-year-old daughter and a 25-year-old son, they're still my kids.
• 35:15
  SPEAKER_01: I can be 80 and they'll be 50, but they're still gonna be my kids.
• 35:19
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah right?
• 35:20
  SPEAKER_01: We always look at our children, our our offspring as our children.
• 35:24
  SPEAKER_01: And so no matter no matter what age they are, we've gotta give we have to exercise some grace and mercy towards them to to give them the space to make bad decisions, give them space to to go down the road of life in their own way.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_01: At whatever speed that they want to go or however slow they want to go.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah you know, and and we're gonna make they're gonna make mistakes.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_01: Gosh, just I just look back at when I was, you know, between 1920 and about twenty-six, I was a dumpster fire.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_01: Man.
• 35:58
  SPEAKER_01: It's a miracle of God.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm still sitting here and talking.
• 36:02
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, because I was a dumpster fire.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, it was it was it was sad, but it it happens, you know.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_01: We we can all look back at our youth and go, God, I would love to be 20 again and have the knowledge I have at 64.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_01: Because I would do everything different.
• 36:18
  SPEAKER_01: Eh, you probably wouldn't.
• 36:19
  SPEAKER_01: You might, you might try to at first.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_01: But anyway.
• 36:22
  SPEAKER_03: We'd probably do the same things over again.
• 36:25
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I think even as we get older, you know, like you said, the the thing that never changes is they're always gonna be your kids.
• 36:32
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you're always gonna be their dad, regardless of age.
• 36:35
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, like I said earlier, like even though I'm 43, like my mom and her words are so important to me.
• 36:42
  SPEAKER_03: And my relationship with my mom is important to me.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_03: And so I just want to encourage any parent here that has, you know, older kids.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_03: Like, the best thing that you can do as a parent is just love your kids.
• 36:54
  SPEAKER_03: And what that can look like practically is just encourage them.
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_03: Encourage them with your words, let them know you love them, let you know that let them know that you're proud of them.
• 37:03
  SPEAKER_03: If you're in their home, like ask how you can help, ask how you can serve, let them go out on a date night if they have kids, right?
• 37:10
  SPEAKER_03: And then keep your mouth shut, like when it comes to them doing things differently.
• 37:14
  SPEAKER_03: I think my mom is so beautiful about like respecting like how I raise my kids.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_03: Um, if I want her opinion, I'll ask her for it.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_03: And sometimes she'll throw in ideas here and there, but it's always a place of respect.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I think it's really important to respect your kids as grown adults.
• 37:31
  SPEAKER_03: Like they are adults now, and you're not their mommy anymore, and you're not their daddy.
• 37:35
  SPEAKER_03: Now you just get to be their champion, right?
• 37:37
  SPEAKER_03: And so I think it's really important as a parent now with grown adult kids that you just love them.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_03: Like that really is the best thing you can do.
• 37:45
  SPEAKER_03: And honestly, like if you can own your crap with them too, that will do wonders for your relationship.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_03: Like, if you feel like your relationship with your children is severed, the best thing you can do, I know it's so hard and it involves killing your pride and humbling yourself.
• 37:59
  SPEAKER_03: But the best thing you can really do is just go to them and be like, hey man, like this topic, for example.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I realize that growing, like raising you, I did not do the best job with my words.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_03: And I'm really sorry.
• 38:12
  SPEAKER_03: If you want to share how that imp has impacted you or any certain situations, I just want to let you know I'm open to hear that and happy to even have that conversation now.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_03: But I'm committed to do better when it comes by you and when it comes to my ch my grandchildren.
• 38:25
  SPEAKER_03: And will you forgive me?
• 38:27
  SPEAKER_03: Man, you show up that way.
• 38:29
  SPEAKER_03: Like, I mean, if it's been a really bad relationship for many years, it may take a little bit of work, but if you just keep showing up consistently, like that's really powerful.
• 38:38
  SPEAKER_01: I think uh I think it shows vulnerability and it shows authenticity and it shows objectivity when you go to your when you go to your child and say, you know, I really blew it, you know, or or just be honest and say, Hey, I have some regrets about how I raised you.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_01: These are the things that I feel like I did wrong.
• 38:58
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and I I tried when I when my kids were teenagers and I'd blow it with them.
• 39:03
  SPEAKER_01: I I showed up as my father, even though I knew I shouldn't show up as my father.
• 39:08
  SPEAKER_01: They'd do something stupid and I'd blow up, you know.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, they teenagers will be teenagers and dads will be dads, and they went their way and I went my way, and then after everybody cooled down, you know, maybe not that day, maybe it took a couple of days.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_01: But after a couple of days, you know, I'd in passing I would go, Hey, you know, I was an asshole the other day.
• 39:27
  SPEAKER_01: Call it out.
• 39:28
  SPEAKER_01: Good for you.
• 39:29
  SPEAKER_01: Call me Mr.
• 39:30
  SPEAKER_01: Asshole because that's what I was.
• 39:32
  SPEAKER_01: I was a jerk.
• 39:33
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't respond.
• 39:34
  SPEAKER_01: I I responded emotionally to what you did or what you said, and I did not respond maturely, and I I did not measure my words like I should have.
• 39:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like my daughter, love her to death.
• 39:48
  SPEAKER_01: She she came into the kitchen while Katie and I were cooking hamburger helper one night and talking, whatever we were doing.
• 39:55
  SPEAKER_01: And out of the corner of my eye, I saw I saw her come into the kitchen.
• 39:59
  SPEAKER_01: She had shaved half of her head bald, the other half, the hair was still there, but it was multicolored.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and I'm a child of the 70s and 80s, right?
• 40:09
  SPEAKER_01: So I'm uh I'm a baby boomer through and through, and I have some I have some old-fashioned, you know, values in in a vision of what my daughter should look like.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 40:21
  SPEAKER_01: And uh I didn't go off on her.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_01: I just kind of looked over at her and went, so that's the hairdo of the week, huh?
• 40:27
  SPEAKER_01: And she was like, Yep.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't make a big deal out of it.
• 40:30
  SPEAKER_01: Inside, I was going, what?
• 40:33
  SPEAKER_01: What is wrong with you?
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_01: I wanted to go shake her and go, what is wrong with you?
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_03: Oh my gosh.
• 40:38
  SPEAKER_01: But I didn't, you know.
• 40:39
  SPEAKER_03: And I think that's incredible.
• 40:40
  SPEAKER_03: I'm very impressed on that one.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 40:43
  SPEAKER_01: Well, that was that was one one uh one gold star for dad, because dad didn't dad didn't blow up and in, you know, and she she uh she was exercising and still to this day is exercising her individuality.
• 40:58
  SPEAKER_01: Okay.
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_01: Well, there you go.
• 41:00
  SPEAKER_01: She is who she is, you know, body art, tattoos, nose rings, tongue stud, all of that.
• 41:07
  SPEAKER_01: That's that is who she is.
• 41:09
  SPEAKER_01: That's how she projects herself to the world.
• 41:11
  SPEAKER_01: And while I may not agree with it, or I may not be proud of it necessarily, yeah, that's who she is.
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_01: And so I have to accept that, right?
• 41:20
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 41:21
  SPEAKER_03: I think it's really important that like inside you're freaking out, but you withheld that part from her.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_03: And I think so many of us parents can not show up in that way, and we can just like let it all out.
• 41:33
  SPEAKER_03: And I think if we can realize that it comes there, it c oftentimes there's something else going inside of us.
• 41:39
  SPEAKER_03: It's not about her.
• 41:40
  SPEAKER_03: It's about, oh man, like, what are my friends gonna think?
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_03: And it's all, it's all something that you've got to work out within you, right?
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_03: I'll do a quick story before we wrap up.
• 41:48
  SPEAKER_03: I remember um I was trying to get all my four kids out the door.
• 41:51
  SPEAKER_03: I was a single mom at the time, and to me, it was like a badge of honor to like arrive at church on time.
• 41:55
  SPEAKER_03: Like, look, I did it.
• 41:56
  SPEAKER_03: Single mom, four young kids.
• 41:58
  SPEAKER_03: And it was like an ego thing, right?
• 42:00
  SPEAKER_03: And one of my kids was taking forever.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, and I literally was like, oh my gosh, can you please hurry up?
• 42:05
  SPEAKER_03: You are moving so slow.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_03: And I just took a like, I was like, why did I speak?
• 42:10
  SPEAKER_03: And I just took a moment and I just stopped everything, and I was like, buddy, I am really sorry.
• 42:14
  SPEAKER_03: I just like let off some steam at you.
• 42:16
  SPEAKER_03: I'm realizing this is a me thing and not even a you thing.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_03: I just want people to think I'm a good mom and sh by showing up to church on time, which is silly and stupid.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_03: But what's more important right now is my connection to you.
• 42:27
  SPEAKER_03: But I would love to leave soon.
• 42:29
  SPEAKER_03: So can you please move at a little faster pace and get the thing that you forgot and let's go.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_01: So, so as parents, we have to acknowledge that that we have emotions.
• 42:38
  SPEAKER_01: We have to acknowledge that those emotions are real and raw and powerful.
• 42:44
  SPEAKER_01: And just as we want to teach our children to manage their emotions and that their emotions are not bad, but there's a way to manage them so that they come out in a constructive way, we need to recognize that within ourselves, and we need to manage our emotions as well.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_01: And sometimes maybe you just have to put a pen in it and go, Well, I hear what you've said and I see what you've done, and I need to manage my emotions so that I don't say something I'm gonna regret tomorrow.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_01: So let's just part our ways and we'll come back together when we all have cooler heads and we can talk about this.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_03: That is so healthy, and that is so healthy because your kids will learn to do that for themselves when they need it, and they learn by what we model.
• 43:25
  SPEAKER_01: So, Jody, I really uh enjoyed this conversation and uh I appreciate uh and and I'm honored that you are doing what you can to be a good mom to those four kids.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to, for the listening audience, I want to read this uh little bit, little uh tidbit about Jody Hill.
• 43:43
  SPEAKER_01: She says, I am the author of Parent's Secret Superpower, an Amazon bestseller, and I blend science, faith, educational training, and real life parenting experience, fails included, to offer encouraging practical conversations that equip parents to unlock the secret superpower, their words, to impact their child's confidence and ultimately future.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_01: And so what I would say to the listening audience, you may be a grandparent.
• 44:10
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, and you may have your kids may have little grandkids, right?
• 44:15
  SPEAKER_01: And or they're maybe they're a little older than grandkids, you know, they're always going to be grandkids, but no no matter no matter how old they are, maybe you can buy this book and read it yourself and then maybe gift it, gift it to your kids so that they can glean some information out of it.
• 44:33
  SPEAKER_01: And you and you can go, hey, you know, I listened to this podcast episode and I heard about the power of words, and use that as a as a segue to say, you know, I realized that I was just an idiot at this point in time with you.
• 44:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_01: And I realized that my words tore you down instead of building you up.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_01: You know, and so you can use this as an educational tool, an opportunity to to be real and to be vulnerable and authentic, and just apologize for, you know, being not so good.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 45:06
  SPEAKER_01: And uh so, Jody, thank you for being here.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_01: Do you I want to give you like three minutes to talk to the parents or the grandparents and a little elevator speech?
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_01: We have a few extra minutes.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I would just love to encourage you, you know, that you really do have the power.
• 45:20
  SPEAKER_03: Like I said before, whether you have little kids or whether you have grown kids, your words carry power.
• 45:26
  SPEAKER_03: And you know, even in my book, I talk about the science behind it.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_03: Like it is measurable, the physical impact that words have on people.
• 45:33
  SPEAKER_03: And it's just so powerful.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_03: And then when you back that up, you know, for those of you who are people of faith, like with what scripture's been telling us for centuries about the power of our words, I'm like, oh, it's not just a woo-woo thing.
• 45:44
  SPEAKER_03: It's actually like legit when it says like the man a man's heart, like happy is a man's heart who has a positive, uplifted spirit.
• 45:51
  SPEAKER_03: I'm like, hmm, how do we get positive and uplifted spirits by speaking words of encouragement?
• 45:55
  SPEAKER_03: And how many people are in the hospital with heart attacks and stress and stroke because of the stress on their bodies, which come from words, which come from their beliefs, right?
• 46:04
  SPEAKER_03: And so, you know, it is such a powerful resource.
• 46:07
  SPEAKER_03: And if anyone wants access to the first superpower strategy that I share in my book, I have that available for them.
• 46:13
  SPEAKER_03: I'll give you, James, the links that you can put in the notes, but it gives you the audio version as well as a downloadable version of the first superpower strategy, as well as my top confidence boosters and busters.
• 46:25
  SPEAKER_03: So if you want to start today, like right now, what can I do to encourage my children or grandkids?
• 46:32
  SPEAKER_03: And what can I do to make sure I'm not doing these things that may be actually busting their competence?
• 46:38
  SPEAKER_03: All I have to do is just go to podcast.itsjodhill.com and then we'll give them that free resource.
• 46:43
  SPEAKER_01: Awesome.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_01: Well, thank you for being here.
• 46:45
  SPEAKER_01: And to the listening audience and to the viewers of the YouTube channel, I want to say thank you for the privilege of your time.
• 46:52
  SPEAKER_01: If today's conversation resonated with you, be sure to subscribe, follow, and share it with another parent.
• 46:57
  SPEAKER_01: Leave a review, keep showing up, keep growing, and we'll see you next time.
• 47:01
  SPEAKER_01: Bye bye.