Latest / Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse / Coping with Heartbreak: Losing a Beloved Pet and Finding Hope

Transcript

Coping with Heartbreak: Losing a Beloved Pet and Finding Hope · Start Your Comeback: Rebuilding after Divorce, Empty Nest, and Loss of Spouse

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Is there a major life transition benching you?
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: I know you may be asking what's next?
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: What's my purpose?
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: What if?
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Because I've asked those too.
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Start your Comeback Podcast.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: I'm Toni Thrash, a certified life coach, and I want to share the tools and practical steps to help you create a winning game plan to move into your new adventure.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Hi, welcome back.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: You're listening to episode 46.
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: If you were joining me last week, you heard me talk about not giving up.
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: Well, I just want you to know I'm still that adamant about it.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Don't give up.
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: I've been dropping hints all summer about an episode where I would discuss all the transitions I've walked through this summer.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: Well, today's the day, I have walked through two major transitions this summer.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: One was very much a shock and the other one I knew was coming pretty soon.
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: But let me just say this I have dreaded today.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: I have not wanted to do this episode.
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: I have put it off and put it off, and yet here we are.
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: It's now time.
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: I'd like to give you a little backstory to help you understand where I am and the irony of my story.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Most of you've heard my story, especially if you've been listening for almost a year now that I've been doing this podcast.
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: You know that I moved into my first apartment after divorce in 2014.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Not only was I divorced, but I was also an empty nester.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: I've spoken about this in a previous episode, but I want to give you a quick highlight.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: You see, back then I had no one to come home to and talk about my day.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: It was the loneliest I've ever been.
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: It was a difficult period of time.
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: Those first six months were brutal.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: I hated weekends.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: I hated Fridays.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: I hated coming home in general because there was no one here to talk to.
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: But I began talking to a couple of my close friends about maybe getting a dog.
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: They were like, yes, get a dog.
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: It won't necessarily eliminate the loneliness, but it might make it tolerable.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: So in March of 2015, I brought him home.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: His name was Andy and he was a border collie mix and just the best rescued dog I've ever met.
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: He was kind to everyone, he loved everyone, he was house trained, lease trained and, best of all, he didn't bark unless there was danger.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: He grew to be 70 pounds.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: So you know he was more than just a border collie in there and he was mine.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: We traveled together, we hiked together, we ran from coyotes together and we were lazy together.
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: I looked forward to coming home and it was the sweetest because we would always go for a walk.
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: So all that to say, monday, august the 26th, is National Dog Day.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to go into all the details.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to go into all the details, but Andy got sick in May and there was nothing left to be done for him.
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: So Andy left this world on June the 7th.
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: Hearing me whisper I love you and you've been the best dog.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: This grief has been harder than I anticipated.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: You see, I thought I would have him for at least four, five, six more years.
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: But let me just back up just a second because I need you to see the full picture.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: One morning at the beginning of May, maybe the end of April, I was having coffee early one morning and I just felt it in my soul.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: I was like you need to see your therapist.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: So I reached out to make an appointment with him.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: The only time he had available was July the 15th and I was like I'll take it.
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: There wasn't really anything going on in my life at that point.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: I just thought, you know, it's probably a good time to just check in and kind of get a feel for where you are.
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: Anyway, now going back, the loss of my walking and hiking buddy has been hard.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: Some days I keep thinking I just need to hurry home after work so that we can get our walk in, because he's been inside all day.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Or if you're my age and you have to wake up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I would have to check to see which side of the bed he was on, so I wouldn't step on him.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: I still do that occasionally.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: It's getting better.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: And then just yesterday I was on Facebook and there was a memory of him playing with another dog.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: Let me just say grief is real and it hits you and it hits hard.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: So on Monday, in honor of Andy, I'll be thinking of him and wishing he were here so we could go for a walk.
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: The other transition I walked through was that I moved.
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: I had been living with a roommate who is a very dear friend and I'm so excited for her.
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: She and her boyfriend got engaged and then they were going to sell the house and start over fresh.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: Well, I literally found an apartment and moved.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: Three weeks after I lost my dog.
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: I found an apartment close to my work, to my kids, to my friends, and really maybe it was a five-minute drive from where I was living.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: I find it odd, or ironic if you will, that I have now moved, after living with a roommate for two years, into an apartment by myself and just having lost my dog.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: So the fact that I had an appointment with my therapist booked before any of this happened and it was scheduled for after all of it happened is just a total God thing.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: I mean, really, I now come home to an empty apartment alone again.
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: It has been an adjustment, for sure, but easier a little bit than 10 years ago.
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: But I am processing this grief with my therapist and learning to walk through this transition again, because in a sense it's the same, only not so.
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: You may be asking yourself what is Toni doing to get through this walk of the shock of losing her dog and now living alone.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Well, I'm taking it one day at a time.
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: I'm reaching out, I'm talking to my kids and I'm talking to my close friends and I'm talking about Andy when I think about it and I'm just letting my people know I'm sad.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: I'm also leaning into some new friendships that bring me a lot of joy and laughter.
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: I'm journaling and I'm processing through each stage.
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: I still can't really go for a walk yet, but I know that day's coming.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: You see, regardless of the transitions we face, they all bring shock.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: I have said this over and over there's shock involved, whether or not you knew it was coming, or, to a degree, or you didn't know it was coming at all.
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: It's important to not bury your head in the sand and just walk through them, just keep asking what do I need to learn through this?
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: What do I need to learn this time?
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: Please just show me what I need to learn.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: So I have a question for you what are you walking through that you have found tough to talk about?
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: What are you grieving right now?
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: There are lots of you out there that are walking through something, or you may know someone who is walking through a major life transition.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: I would love for you to reach out and just let me know, because sometimes it's just nice to know that you have someone who's walking alongside you through this transition.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: But here's what I know whatever you do, don't lock it deep down inside.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: Talk about it, experience it and share it with someone or some ones who know you really, really well, because, at the end of the day, there's no judgment there.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: There's just a lot of love and a lot of understanding.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: Well, that's it for today.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Thanks for tuning in and listening to my transitions.
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I hope that you'll join next week as I begin a two-part series with my friend, dana Williams, as she discusses the shame and guilt of walking through a divorce and how she fought her way to healing.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: You won't want to miss it.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: I'll see you next time.
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: Hey, thanks for listening.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: I don't take it for granted that you're here.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: You didn't listen by mistake.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: If you want to reach out, you can DM me on Instagram at Tony Thrash Until next week.
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: Remember, there's still time left on the clock.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Let's get you off the bench to start your comeback.
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: I want to give a special shout out to Country Club for the original music.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: You can find them on Instagram at Country Club.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: Thank you.