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Schools Stamped Out Masculinity. Andrew Tate Is the Result. · Strictly Education

0:00
SPEAKER_01: There's a problem here of our own making.
0:03
SPEAKER_01: We have ignored traditional masculinity.
0:06
SPEAKER_01: We've said nothing good about it.
0:08
SPEAKER_01: So boys look at Andrew Tate and think, this guy gets it.
0:12
SPEAKER_01: I don't want Andrew Tate to be a voice for our boys.
0:16
SPEAKER_01: But let's be clear, he is owning territory that we have vacated.
0:27
SPEAKER_01: Hello, I'm Catherine Bribble Singh, Britain's strictest headmistress, and welcome to Strictly Education.
0:33
SPEAKER_01: Today we're talking about masculinity.
0:37
SPEAKER_01: In particular, the masculinity crisis that people talk about in schools.
0:42
SPEAKER_01: You know, the manosphere, toxic masculinity, misogyny, that sort of thing.
0:48
SPEAKER_01: So everyone agrees that there are some evil men online, and you'll hear about Andrew Tate and other manosphere influencers.
0:56
SPEAKER_01: You'll hear news stories about these shady figures objectifying women and awful sexually aggressive content and how that's affecting our boys.
1:05
SPEAKER_01: And the point I want to make today is that yes, men like Andrew Tate are utterly vile.
1:11
SPEAKER_01: But I think they're a symptom of things that we're doing.
1:15
SPEAKER_01: I don't think they're a cause of this crisis.
1:19
SPEAKER_01: It can both be the case that Tate is vile and that boys are following him or others like him for a reason.
1:27
SPEAKER_01: I think that Tate is popular because of something we are doing wrong.
1:33
SPEAKER_01: People will tell you that boys are being drawn to the manosphere because we have such a misogynistic culture.
1:39
SPEAKER_01: And I just don't buy that.
1:41
SPEAKER_01: So let me tell you what I think.
1:43
SPEAKER_01: We say nothing to boys about how to be good men.
1:47
SPEAKER_01: We constantly tell them how bad boys are and how bad masculinity is.
1:52
SPEAKER_01: And so we leave a bit of a vacuum.
1:54
SPEAKER_01: And the Andrew Tates of this world fill that vacuum.
1:58
SPEAKER_01: So here's an example of one teacher talking about the masculinity crisis.
2:02
SPEAKER_03: I spoke to one boy who basically said that because all females want to do is falsely accuse men of rap.
2:08
SPEAKER_03: Well, he might as well rap in real life anyway.
2:11
SPEAKER_03: It never fails to shock me, really, the kind of things that I hear.
2:14
SPEAKER_03: So I'm an English teacher, a secondary school English teacher.
2:16
SPEAKER_03: When I'm not doing that, I spend a lot of my time going around the country speaking to young lads about toxic masculinity, misogyny, sexual harassment.
2:26
SPEAKER_03: And so what you are seeing in the schools that I visit is misogyny has kind of gone mainstream.
2:31
SPEAKER_03: I hear boys giving opinions that women are inferior, referring to female students as numbers based on their physical attractiveness.
2:41
SPEAKER_03: Boys saying to their female teachers, I'm going to r you.
2:44
SPEAKER_01: Obviously, everything he's saying is shocking.
2:47
SPEAKER_01: But there's a specific comment at the beginning that I want to concentrate on.
2:51
SPEAKER_01: I'm going to be accused of r anyway.
2:54
SPEAKER_01: The kid knows that boys are thought of as the problem.
2:58
SPEAKER_01: This doesn't justify anything he says, of course.
3:02
SPEAKER_01: It's just clear that he believes society has it in for him and will accuse him, whatever he does.
3:10
SPEAKER_01: And this tells us something has gone wrong with the liberal West specifically.
3:15
SPEAKER_01: Because I can tell you that in much more patriarchal countries, Nigeria, Kenya, wherever, really, there's no way boys are saying that to their teachers.
3:25
SPEAKER_01: Something else is going on.
3:26
SPEAKER_01: The patriarchy is not the problem, right?
3:29
SPEAKER_01: Here's a tweet from Andrew Tate.
3:32
SPEAKER_01: Fact.
3:33
SPEAKER_01: Women are sex workers.
3:35
SPEAKER_01: Their pro I mean, as I said, I think Andrew Tate is vile.
3:39
SPEAKER_01: Their primary job now is to find one customer called a boyfriend to pay for their entire lives in return.
3:48
SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm not saying that word.
3:50
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
3:51
SPEAKER_01: If they fail at this, they do only fans or porn, the same game with more than one customer.
3:59
SPEAKER_01: If they're ugly, then they work a job badly and are miserable.
4:04
SPEAKER_01: So as I said, he's horrible.
4:07
SPEAKER_01: Now, you can see why people are a bit shocked.
4:09
SPEAKER_01: In the manosphere, women are no longer mothers or sisters or teachers, and Andrew Tate has a really demented view of women.
4:18
SPEAKER_01: They're defined by sex.
4:20
SPEAKER_01: This is the same sort of conversation boys are bringing into the classroom that our teacher in the video is noticing, and he's right to notice that.
4:27
SPEAKER_01: And it's horrifying.
4:28
SPEAKER_01: They're copying a world they see online.
4:31
SPEAKER_01: And I totally agree.
4:32
SPEAKER_01: This is definitely a problem.
4:34
SPEAKER_01: But here's my worry: people see these awful things from Andrew Tate, and they think masculinity is the problem in our society.
4:42
SPEAKER_01: It's masculinity that's toxic.
4:45
SPEAKER_01: So we need to be warning all boys all of the time of all the ways in which men have become evil and toxic.
4:53
SPEAKER_01: Now that's a problem.
4:55
SPEAKER_01: Because what then happens is that masculinity becomes reduced to a list of really bad stuff.
5:02
SPEAKER_01: So what if you happen to be a boy who's just a bit more boyish, right?
5:08
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I don't know, maybe you're argumentative, you're a bit physical, you like shocking people.
5:14
SPEAKER_01: Basically, you're just a boy, right?
5:17
SPEAKER_01: And all you're gonna hear in school is you as a boy are the problem.
5:22
SPEAKER_01: Masculinity is toxic.
5:24
SPEAKER_01: So here's one academic, Gary Backer, who is going to give us a list of the bad things men do.
5:31
SPEAKER_00: If we look at homicide statistics, if we look at life expectancy, if we look at incarceration rates overwhelmingly men, and we have a challenge with how we raise boys.
5:40
SPEAKER_00: There's what there's also what may have happened as you were growing up, but there's also the you know this big story we tell about manhood in the bigger world, which is tough it up, don't cry, don't seek help.
5:52
SPEAKER_00: The language we use, the emotional language we're more likely to use with girls than we are with boys as boys grow up, sends boys this message that don't show you're too, you know, needy or don't show you're too fragile because you will lose points.
6:08
SPEAKER_01: Now look, what he's saying is true.
6:10
SPEAKER_01: Violent crime leans overwhelmingly male.
6:13
SPEAKER_01: Murder, suite, sexual aggression, a lot more men committing those acts.
6:17
SPEAKER_01: But he sounds like he's saying it's mostly because previous generations raised boys to be too masculine.
6:25
SPEAKER_01: And the implication is that old-fashioned masculinity leads to all of the bad things.
6:32
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so there's another problem with this conversation, which is that we risk not really distinguishing the ways in which boys and girls are on average different.
6:40
SPEAKER_01: So I totally understand saying the murder rate is too high.
6:44
SPEAKER_01: But whatever the murder rate is, it will always be disproportionately at the hands of men, because men are more aggressive on average.
6:54
SPEAKER_01: So saying men do all the murdering kind of implies that we should be seeing a 50-50 split in the murder rate between men and women.
7:04
SPEAKER_01: But if men and women are different, then the bad things they do might also be different, right?
7:11
SPEAKER_01: It's as though we've mistakenly let boys be confrontational or competitive or tough because ideally they would be exactly the same as girls.
7:21
SPEAKER_01: And that diagnosis really matters.
7:24
SPEAKER_01: It totally changes what you do or don't say to boys and what you do or don't say about masculinity.
7:32
SPEAKER_01: I mean, look, imagine you're a boy who likes play fighting.
7:39
SPEAKER_01: Should your parents say, take him to karate, channel the natural aggression, teach him some discipline?
7:46
SPEAKER_01: Or should parents say, This is toxic?
7:51
SPEAKER_01: He needs gentle toys, we need him to be more nurturing, get him a pram.
7:57
SPEAKER_01: I mean, that sounds a bit odd, doesn't it?
8:00
SPEAKER_01: Imagine you're a boy who tries not to cry when he's playing sport and gets hurt.
8:05
SPEAKER_01: Should his parents say, good for you, be tough, Johnny?
8:10
SPEAKER_01: Or should the parents say, No, no, Johnny, you have to let out your emotions.
8:16
SPEAKER_01: This is the source of all the toxicity.
8:19
SPEAKER_01: Modern society is pushing us towards that second option.
8:24
SPEAKER_01: We're just constantly listing all the ways men and masculinity are bad.
8:28
SPEAKER_01: And this actually predates Andrew Tate and all of that online influencer stuff.
8:34
SPEAKER_01: So in 2019, the American Psychological Association stated that traditional masculinity, marked by stoicism, competitiveness, dominance, and aggression is on the whole harmful.
8:49
SPEAKER_01: So what are we saying?
8:50
SPEAKER_01: When a man is stoical and fights in a war for his country, are we saying that's bad?
8:56
SPEAKER_01: If a man is aggressive but controlled in standing up to a thug or defends his wife in the street when someone tries to grab her handbag, are we saying that's bad?
9:06
SPEAKER_01: Look, here's a Gillette advert from the same year.
9:09
SPEAKER_01: So this is again long before the rise of the Manosphere.
9:15
SPEAKER_01: The Me Too movement against sexual harassment.
9:24
SPEAKER_05: Is it one problem?
9:29
SPEAKER_05: We can't hide from sexual harassment is taking a moment.
9:32
SPEAKER_00: It's been going on far too long.
9:37
SPEAKER_00: We can't laugh in a month.
9:42
SPEAKER_00: What I actually think she's trying to say.
9:44
SPEAKER_05: Making the same old excuses.
9:46
SPEAKER_04: Boys will be boys, boys will be boys, boys will be boys.
9:50
SPEAKER_01: Unequivocally, sexual assault is awful.
9:53
SPEAKER_01: Let me make that clear.
9:54
SPEAKER_01: But why are we linking it to boys play fighting and then their dads ignoring the play fighting?
10:00
SPEAKER_01: I don't see why that has anything to do with sexual assault.
10:04
SPEAKER_01: The advert seems to suggest that boys play fighting are why we have sexual violence.
10:10
SPEAKER_01: Notice, we have been saying this to boys for years.
10:15
SPEAKER_01: We have been saying boys are the problem for years, and that masculinity must change.
10:23
SPEAKER_01: And boys can sense this.
10:24
SPEAKER_01: They know they're not liked.
10:26
SPEAKER_01: They're being told men from before were bad, and you need to be different from all the men from before.
10:34
SPEAKER_01: This then evolves into saying we need to make men basically a bit more stereotypically feminine.
10:40
SPEAKER_01: Here's one government minister for equalities from over 10 years ago.
10:44
SPEAKER_01: Encourage boys to play with dolls.
10:48
SPEAKER_01: Why?
10:49
SPEAKER_01: I mean, why?
10:50
SPEAKER_01: Boys should be encouraged to play with dolls to make them more nurturing and caring.
10:55
SPEAKER_01: Equalities minister Joe Swinson has suggested.
10:58
SPEAKER_01: Notice, equalities minister.
11:01
SPEAKER_01: We have this understanding that equality must mean that they're the same.
11:05
SPEAKER_01: No, equality does not mean sameness.
11:09
SPEAKER_01: She also criticized the messages society sends to children about gender roles.
11:15
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so here's my worry.
11:18
SPEAKER_01: We're warning that traditional masculinity for boys is bad.
11:21
SPEAKER_01: We're saying traditional femininity for boys is good.
11:25
SPEAKER_01: Now, for some boys, maybe this is how they are.
11:28
SPEAKER_01: They're temperamentally a bit more sensitive, and that's fine, of course.
11:31
SPEAKER_01: I don't have a problem with that.
11:32
SPEAKER_01: But on average, most boys are going to be a bit more disagreeable, a bit less sensitive, a bit more competitive, because they're boys, right?
11:41
SPEAKER_01: And I don't think that's a bad thing at all.
11:44
SPEAKER_01: It depends, right?
11:45
SPEAKER_01: So for those boys, we've said nothing about how to be a good young man.
11:50
SPEAKER_01: Absolutely nothing.
11:52
SPEAKER_01: So what do we then say to boys when it comes to modern kids' books?
11:56
SPEAKER_01: They'll be about expressing your feelings.
11:58
SPEAKER_01: They'll be about becoming a bit more nurturing and a little less tough.
12:02
SPEAKER_01: Here's one example.
12:03
SPEAKER_01: It shows a mom saying to a crying boy, big boys don't cry.
12:08
SPEAKER_01: And the little girl is there thinking, but big boys do cry.
12:12
SPEAKER_01: I've seen Uncle Jack cry lots of times.
12:16
SPEAKER_01: Look, he's crying in a book.
12:18
SPEAKER_01: He's crying holding a baby.
12:19
SPEAKER_01: He's crying with his friend.
12:21
SPEAKER_01: It's the same message.
12:23
SPEAKER_01: What they told you about masculinity is wrong.
12:26
SPEAKER_01: That's the message.
12:27
SPEAKER_01: Boys are just as emotional.
12:29
SPEAKER_01: Boys are just as nurturing as girls.
12:31
SPEAKER_01: Boys aren't stoical or tough.
12:33
SPEAKER_01: They tricked you into that.
12:35
SPEAKER_01: We also do this in schools endlessly.
12:37
SPEAKER_01: This is from a national online resource for teachers in Britain.
12:40
SPEAKER_01: How can we improve the lives of women and girls?
12:43
SPEAKER_01: One child, Will, says, I think mums should stay at home to look after the children and that dad should go to work.
12:50
SPEAKER_01: And here Sam is responding.
12:52
SPEAKER_01: I disagree, Will.
12:54
SPEAKER_01: Historically, women were expected to stay at home to raise families, but that's an outdated gender role.
13:00
SPEAKER_01: It's only fair that women should have equal opportunities to go to work.
13:04
SPEAKER_01: I've got lots of friends with stay-at-home dads and mums at work.
13:08
SPEAKER_01: Each family should do what suits them.
13:10
SPEAKER_01: I've got lots of friends with stay-at-home dads.
13:14
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so for a start, I don't know how true that is.
13:17
SPEAKER_01: Maybe some do, and good for them.
13:20
SPEAKER_01: But do most kids really have lots of friends with stay-at-home dads?
13:24
SPEAKER_01: And also, what if more boys do want to work and be a provider?
13:29
SPEAKER_01: What if more girls do want to raise children and look after their families full-time?
13:34
SPEAKER_01: I'm not saying they have to, but what if it turns out on average girls are more nurturing and boys are, well, you know, go out there, be adventurous, be competitive, deliver for your family.
13:47
SPEAKER_01: Do we see this as stereotypical conditioning that needs to be stamped out in schools?
13:52
SPEAKER_01: My worry is that that's how we see things.
13:54
SPEAKER_01: Here's another section of that online resource for teachers.
13:57
SPEAKER_01: Same lesson, be a role model.
14:00
SPEAKER_01: And Deep says, even though some people teased me that it was a girl's sport, I'm going to try out for cheerleading.
14:07
SPEAKER_01: It looks like a lot of fun and it'll help my team building skills.
14:11
SPEAKER_01: And another boy, Alex, responds, Well, if you're gonna go, I'll come along too.
14:16
SPEAKER_01: I'd like to try something new.
14:18
SPEAKER_01: I might even be good at it.
14:20
SPEAKER_01: So, what this is saying is that to be a good role model as a boy, you should do things that are more stereotypically associated with girls.
14:28
SPEAKER_01: Girls doing stereotypically male things is good.
14:31
SPEAKER_01: Boys doing stereotypically female things is good.
14:35
SPEAKER_01: There's only one thing we worry about.
14:39
SPEAKER_01: What about the boys who seem like old-fashioned boys?
14:43
SPEAKER_01: If you're a boy and you like stereotypically boyish things, we've said absolutely nothing to you except warning that you are the problem.
14:55
SPEAKER_01: So what if it turns out that most boys actually are drawn to confrontation, adventure, risk taking?
15:02
SPEAKER_01: And we need to give them positive versions of that.
15:06
SPEAKER_01: But all they hear about is cheerleading, stay-at-home dads, men crying, stereotypes of men being evil.
15:14
SPEAKER_01: Lots of very traditional men are not f ⁇ ists or murderers.
15:18
SPEAKER_01: Lots of very traditional men are great, but we're not saying that.
15:22
SPEAKER_01: Here's a school workshop, and the focus is telling boys to be feminists.
15:28
SPEAKER_02: We use participatory activities such as word association games.
15:32
SPEAKER_02: These allow the boys to explore the stereotypes that might be in their heads.
15:35
SPEAKER_02: We'll ask them to talk about the first words that come into their head when they think of a certain topic.
15:40
SPEAKER_02: For instance, when asked to think about men, they may come up with brave, strong, or daring.
15:45
SPEAKER_02: For women, they may come up with gentle, kind, and caring.
15:48
SPEAKER_02: So then we ask how and why?
15:50
SPEAKER_02: What causes these stereotypes?
15:52
SPEAKER_02: Our most powerful moments are when we have light bulb moments, when boys have the opportunity through talking to each other to realize that some of these ideas that they think they know are actually a result of conditioning and the world around them.
16:04
SPEAKER_01: Right, so he says boys being thought of as strong, brave, and daring is conditioning.
16:09
SPEAKER_01: The same for girls, being thought of as kind, nurturing, and caring.
16:13
SPEAKER_01: And notice he seems annoyed that boys could think like this.
16:17
SPEAKER_01: Look, a lot of these boys will be confused by this because they might just think to themselves, there are men in my life who are brave, strong, and daring, and I respect them.
16:25
SPEAKER_01: And my mom is really caring and kind to me, and I really love my mom.
16:29
SPEAKER_01: So if our teachers are telling them that this observation is somehow wrong and the root of all evil, then we leave a vacuum where some kids are going to think, understandably, I'm not sure you're right that this is all conditioning, because I'm seeing it in my own family, my uncles, my aunts, and so on.
16:49
SPEAKER_01: So there's a vacuum that's left for them.
16:52
SPEAKER_01: And then they go online.
16:55
SPEAKER_01: Now, a lot of those online voices are often horrible.
16:59
SPEAKER_01: But the problem is that they will fill that vacuum.
17:03
SPEAKER_01: It won't be a decent strong father figure who they can look up to.
17:07
SPEAKER_01: It'll be a bit of a scumbag, someone like Andrew Tate.
17:11
SPEAKER_01: There's a problem here of our own making.
17:14
SPEAKER_01: We have ignored traditional masculinity.
17:17
SPEAKER_01: We've said nothing good about it.
17:20
SPEAKER_01: So boys look at Andrew Tate and think, this guy gets it.
17:23
SPEAKER_01: Let's look at a clip where Andrew Tate is being interviewed by Piers Morgan.
17:27
SPEAKER_04: Please define toxic masculinity.
17:29
SPEAKER_04: Well, you tell me what you think it crosses a line from being a masculine good man to a bad man.
17:36
SPEAKER_04: There's no such thing as too much masculinity if it's genuinely masculine.
17:39
SPEAKER_04: Genuine masculinity is not out here to hurt people, it's absolutely the opposite.
17:42
SPEAKER_04: It's out here to protect.
17:43
SPEAKER_04: And when bad things happen, they call traditionally masculine men.
17:46
SPEAKER_04: If you need a firefighter, you need a masculine man.
17:48
SPEAKER_04: When you call the police because of the problem you had, you want masculine men.
17:51
SPEAKER_04: And as soon as a woman or a man is in trouble, when you look for backup, you look for masculine men.
17:55
SPEAKER_04: And masculine men have a duty to provide and protect those they care about.
17:59
SPEAKER_04: We have a duty to do things we don't feel like doing because we know we're supposed to do them.
18:02
SPEAKER_04: And that's why we stayed in the Titanic and died.
18:04
SPEAKER_04: Those were masculine men.
18:06
SPEAKER_01: So here's the issue.
18:08
SPEAKER_01: What Andrew Tate is saying is true.
18:10
SPEAKER_01: Look, Andrew Tate is vile.
18:12
SPEAKER_01: And I know there's all sorts of things in the courts about him, and as far as I'm concerned, good riddance to him.
18:17
SPEAKER_01: My point is, I don't want Andrew Tate to be a voice for our boys.
18:22
SPEAKER_01: But let's be clear, he is owning territory that we have vacated.
18:27
SPEAKER_01: A traditionally masculine man who is a police officer and runs towards danger, it's bad to think I want to be like that as a young boy?
18:36
SPEAKER_01: Why is that bad?
18:37
SPEAKER_01: It's great.
18:38
SPEAKER_01: All we say to boys is watch out for traditional masculinity.
18:42
SPEAKER_01: It's toxic.
18:43
SPEAKER_01: We have allowed a nasty guy to become the voice of common sense for huge numbers of boys.
18:49
SPEAKER_01: This is a problem.
18:52
SPEAKER_01: So what would I suggest we do instead?
18:54
SPEAKER_01: Okay, number one, get your boy away from unsupervised access to the internet and don't give him a smartphone.
18:59
SPEAKER_01: Not until he's at least 16 or even 18.
19:02
SPEAKER_01: These people are poison.
19:03
SPEAKER_01: The manosphere is poison, okay?
19:06
SPEAKER_01: Don't let him anywhere near it.
19:08
SPEAKER_01: Number two, we should be clear on what a good man looks like.
19:12
SPEAKER_01: Not everyone has to be a traditional man, and that's fine.
19:15
SPEAKER_01: But being a traditional man is still a good thing, and you can be a good man, right?
19:20
SPEAKER_01: The point is that with the personality you have, use whatever talent you have to be decent.
19:28
SPEAKER_01: We shouldn't change the personality or traits of boys.
19:31
SPEAKER_01: The point isn't to prevent boys from being traditionally masculine, it's to make them good versions of that, right?
19:39
SPEAKER_01: Good versions of being traditionally masculine.
19:42
SPEAKER_01: So it's true, men do most of the murdering.
19:46
SPEAKER_01: Men also do most of the running into danger and saving people and sometimes dying in the process.
19:51
SPEAKER_01: It's almost like what matters is what you do with masculine attributes if you happen to have them.
19:58
SPEAKER_01: If you're a man, do you use your masculine attributes to do good, or do you use your masculine attributes to do bad?
20:06
SPEAKER_01: You read about the hundreds of firefighters who died after 9-11 running into burning buildings, almost all of them male, or millions of soldiers who go to the front line in a war to fight the Nazis.
20:19
SPEAKER_01: Are we really saying, goodness, that's so toxic?
20:22
SPEAKER_01: Surely the point is whether the traditional masculine attribute is for a moral purpose.
20:29
SPEAKER_01: Number three, hold them accountable for being a good man.
20:32
SPEAKER_01: If you're brave and daring and then join a gang, well, shame on you.
20:36
SPEAKER_01: You've misused your strengths.
20:38
SPEAKER_01: But the problem isn't masculinity per se.
20:40
SPEAKER_01: The problem is a traditionally masculine attribute without the moral core that's required.
20:48
SPEAKER_01: That tough guy joining a gang isn't helping others.
20:51
SPEAKER_01: He isn't protecting the weak.
20:52
SPEAKER_01: The strengths you have should be used to serve others, not yourself.
20:56
SPEAKER_01: That's true for all of us.
20:58
SPEAKER_01: And we should hold our boys and everyone accountable to that.
21:02
SPEAKER_01: This is why boys often love sports coaches.
21:06
SPEAKER_01: They have someone who is pushing them to be competitive and tough, but calling them out when they behave badly.
21:13
SPEAKER_01: There's a lot of traditional masculinity there, but there's discipline and accountability.
21:18
SPEAKER_01: Think of Coach Carter, the Samuel L.
21:20
SPEAKER_01: Jackson film.
21:22
SPEAKER_01: I love that film, okay?
21:24
SPEAKER_01: All our kids watch it here at school.
21:26
SPEAKER_01: Coach Carter doesn't tell those boys, don't be tough, don't be competitive, don't be aggressive and trying to win.
21:33
SPEAKER_01: He never says any of that, but he puts them in their place when they behave immorally.
21:38
SPEAKER_01: That's different.
21:39
SPEAKER_01: That's why he changes those boys.
21:42
SPEAKER_01: And we aren't really comfortable saying any of this to boys.
21:45
SPEAKER_01: We just tell them all the ways masculinity is bad and talk about dolls and crying.
21:50
SPEAKER_01: We don't lead them in how to be good.
21:53
SPEAKER_01: Here's Charlie Kirk.
21:54
SPEAKER_05: I wanted to know your thoughts on masculinity and the definition of that.
21:58
SPEAKER_05: To be a man is To have self-control over your fleshly desires and an attitude towards courage and defending those that can't defend themselves, fostering a family towards godly purposes, and picking the fights that the rest of society should not be involved in.
22:15
SPEAKER_05: That's what men should do.
22:16
SPEAKER_05: The best story for young men right now is Genesis 12 of the Bible, which is basically like get off your tail, leave your father's home, and go on an adventure for God's purpose.
22:24
SPEAKER_05: Um, and of course, all throughout the scriptures, men in particular are called at this time, and it's the Hebrew word Heinani, which means here I am, which is God will call you to a place out of comfort and into duty.
22:36
SPEAKER_05: So, what it means to be a man are a lot of those things, and also standing up against injustice.
22:41
SPEAKER_05: The most masculine thing you can do is stand up against the injustice and the suffering of others.
22:46
SPEAKER_05: And then finally, we as men are not called to go sleep with like a hundred different women.
22:50
SPEAKER_05: That's BS.
22:51
SPEAKER_05: Find one woman for your life as a wife, take her as your wife, and have a family with that person.
22:56
SPEAKER_05: Monogamy takes effort.
22:58
SPEAKER_05: There is no skill in being, you know, a polyamorous polygamist.
23:02
SPEAKER_05: Uh, in fact, you'll end up being a very miserable person if that's the case.
23:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so you know, that was really well said.
23:09
SPEAKER_01: Men behaving badly isn't because they are masculine, it's because they lack good values.
23:14
SPEAKER_01: Do we say this in schools?
23:16
SPEAKER_01: Do we talk like he's talking there?
23:18
SPEAKER_01: None of what he said is anti-woman, right?
23:22
SPEAKER_01: If we said this sort of thing to our boys, would there even be an Andrew Tate?
23:26
SPEAKER_01: I don't think so, right?
23:27
SPEAKER_01: Because there wouldn't be a vacuum.
23:29
SPEAKER_01: Boys need leaders, boys need a team, boys need discipline and accountability.
23:35
SPEAKER_01: We should give it to them, not constantly analyze the failings of all men and tell boys that they are the problem.
23:46
SPEAKER_01: Okay, so here's my favorite bit where I get to answer some of your questions.
23:51
SPEAKER_01: Um so remember, if you want me to answer questions in the future, put it down below in the comments, and I'll see if I can get it to it next time.
23:59
SPEAKER_01: You can also find me on X at Miss Snuffy.
24:02
SPEAKER_01: So, first question I've got is from Brittany Van Dyck.
24:05
SPEAKER_01: She asks, uh, what are your top book recommendations for elementary children?
24:11
SPEAKER_01: My kids have fallen in love with Read Aloud Time.
24:14
SPEAKER_01: Really well done, Brittany, for having Read Aloud Time.
24:17
SPEAKER_01: Uh, we've officially read through every kid's book in our house.
24:21
SPEAKER_01: Well, that is wonderful.
24:22
SPEAKER_01: Now, first of all, I don't think you should feel bad about reading the book several times.
24:27
SPEAKER_01: So it's great to read a book.
24:28
SPEAKER_01: You can read it 25 times.
24:29
SPEAKER_01: Like, that's really nice.
24:31
SPEAKER_01: And even nicer when your child has read it so many times that they read it before you do.
24:35
SPEAKER_01: So they they read the first sentence out loud or they read it with you.
24:39
SPEAKER_01: It's lovely bonding time, and it's wonderful for their vocabulary and development.
24:43
SPEAKER_01: So do read those books over and over and over again.
24:46
SPEAKER_01: In terms of books, look, I don't know what age your children are.
24:49
SPEAKER_01: AI is really helpful with this.
24:50
SPEAKER_01: You can just type into AI traditional books for four-year-olds, traditional books for seven-year-olds, and so on.
24:56
SPEAKER_01: And actually be quite specific about the kind of thing you don't want to see in the books because the fact is that it is true, some books nowadays, the more modern books, uh, give you the wrong sorts of values.
25:07
SPEAKER_01: If you're looking for more traditional values, write that into AI for your kids' age, and they'll be able to make some suggestions and then you can buy them.
25:14
SPEAKER_01: Try out the local library, borrow books, have a look at what they say first.
25:18
SPEAKER_01: Be careful.
25:19
SPEAKER_01: Don't just assume it's a book and it's good, because lots of books these days, especially the more modern ones, will give your children the wrong values.
25:27
SPEAKER_01: Okay, next question.
25:29
SPEAKER_01: Mindful Eats asks uh, how do you address the impact of fragmented attention in this digital age when it shows up in the classroom?
25:37
SPEAKER_01: Or when it shows up at home, frankly.
25:39
SPEAKER_01: Um, look, if it shows up at home, it's really it's much easier because parents, you can then just get them off the digital stuff.
25:46
SPEAKER_01: More difficult for the teacher.
25:47
SPEAKER_01: Look, I mean, to be honest, someone who has fragmented attention, you gotta treat them a little bit like they're special.
25:55
SPEAKER_01: Parents, listen to what I'm saying.
25:57
SPEAKER_01: I'm saying that you've damaged your kids, that their your child's brain is not gonna be able to function in the same way as a child who has not been exposed to the digital world as much as your own child has.
26:09
SPEAKER_01: So always good to try and talk to the parents.
26:12
SPEAKER_01: Uh, you know, the head of year, the person in charge of the pastoral side of things, might want to talk to the parents to try and persuade them to get them off the laptop and the smartphone and so on.
26:22
SPEAKER_01: Always talk to the senior leaders at school to try and make sure that phones are banned in the school and so on.
26:27
SPEAKER_01: But all you can do is use the usual discipline systems, try and get the kid on side.
26:32
SPEAKER_01: I mean, it it'll be very hard.
26:33
SPEAKER_01: The kid isn't going to be able to ignore uh his iPad if that's what his parents are giving him.
26:38
SPEAKER_01: So you need to try and get the parents on board wherever you can.
26:42
SPEAKER_01: So Ian Guthrie says, you can't teach, so you discipline.
26:47
SPEAKER_01: I think he's talking about me, right?
26:49
SPEAKER_01: All that is produced is a climate of fear where you're broken or you resist.
26:54
SPEAKER_01: If only Ian Guthrie had come to see the school, uh, but of course he hasn't, and he just likes throwing stones from behind wherever he's hiding on his keyboard.
27:03
SPEAKER_01: Um, how do you know I can't teach?
27:05
SPEAKER_01: This whole buddy podcast is about teaching.
27:07
SPEAKER_01: Ian Guthrie, you'd do well to sit in your seat and listen.
27:10
SPEAKER_01: Discipline and teaching, what Ian doesn't understand is that they're one and the same.
27:16
SPEAKER_01: They're intricately linked.
27:18
SPEAKER_01: So you you when you're disciplining children, you're teaching them through, you're teaching them through praise and punishment how to be self-disciplined.
27:27
SPEAKER_01: Because eventually they'll be able to sit on that chair all on their own because you've praised them when they got it right and you've punished them when they've got it wrong.
27:34
SPEAKER_01: Same with doing their homework, same with turning turn, same with turning up on time.
27:38
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I I really don't even understand what he's saying.
27:43
SPEAKER_01: Do you believe in children at all?
27:45
SPEAKER_01: You ever seen a child?
27:46
SPEAKER_01: You know what?
27:47
SPEAKER_01: They could take a hundred detentions.
27:48
SPEAKER_01: They're fine.
27:49
SPEAKER_01: In fact, if anything, it makes them more resilient, makes them able to succeed in life.
27:52
SPEAKER_01: Okay, next question.
27:55
SPEAKER_01: Uh you are truly the voice we need, Catherine.
27:58
SPEAKER_01: Now, James Diegel, who says this, that's the kind of comment I want to hear.
28:03
SPEAKER_01: Now, can you please tell us how you enforce discipline?
28:07
SPEAKER_01: Great! There's somebody who wants to know how you do it, because James gets it.
28:11
SPEAKER_01: He gets that we have to enforce discipline because we are the authority in the classroom or at home.
28:17
SPEAKER_01: And it's our role to do this for kids.
28:19
SPEAKER_01: And when we do not enforce discipline, we are letting kids down.
28:22
SPEAKER_01: We need to remember that.
28:24
SPEAKER_01: We teachers cannot seem to be able to do it anymore.
28:27
SPEAKER_01: Oh gosh.
28:28
SPEAKER_01: So, what is your leverage?
28:30
SPEAKER_01: Oh, poor James.
28:31
SPEAKER_01: All right, listen, we can't say you can't.
28:33
SPEAKER_01: Okay, when we think we can't, we can't.
28:35
SPEAKER_01: And when we think we can, we can, okay?
28:38
SPEAKER_01: So we can do it.
28:39
SPEAKER_01: And I know it's hard.
28:41
SPEAKER_01: And I know it's hard because you're up against a culture outside of your classroom, which is very anti-discipline, as we just saw from the lovely Ian before.
28:51
SPEAKER_01: Now, listen, you gotta set your rules.
28:53
SPEAKER_01: You gotta be really clear about what you want from the kids, okay?
28:57
SPEAKER_01: And then you have to follow through with praise and punishment.
29:00
SPEAKER_01: You gotta have merits, demerits, point systems, something.
29:03
SPEAKER_01: You can always put it up on the board.
29:05
SPEAKER_01: You put a child's name up on the board when you're not happy with them, that they know name on the board means five minute detention.
29:12
SPEAKER_01: A little star next to their name, 10 minute detention.
29:15
SPEAKER_01: Two stars, 20-minute detention.
29:18
SPEAKER_01: For instance, right?
29:19
SPEAKER_01: I'm giving you an example of what you do.
29:21
SPEAKER_01: You might use your school system.
29:23
SPEAKER_01: You've got to be consistent and you've got to have a little stamper.
29:27
SPEAKER_01: You go around and stamp them with a little star to say, well done, when they're getting it right.
29:32
SPEAKER_01: Make sure you give them activities that they can do and that you praise them for it.
29:36
SPEAKER_01: You have to have, I'd say, four to five times the amount of praise to the amount of punishment, okay?
29:42
SPEAKER_01: So when you're telling them off, that's good.
29:44
SPEAKER_01: But for every time you tell them off, make sure you're praising them four or five times for the little things that they get right, okay?
29:51
SPEAKER_01: Eventually things will turn.
29:53
SPEAKER_01: I know it's hard.
29:54
SPEAKER_01: What's my re well, my leverage is that I have a whole school and all of us are consistent.
29:58
SPEAKER_01: So it's a little bit different.
29:59
SPEAKER_01: You're on your own, so it's harder for you.
30:02
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't mean that it can't be done.
30:04
SPEAKER_01: You can do it.
30:05
SPEAKER_01: I tell you what leverage for me when I was, you know, many years ago, I would ring home at the end of the day, and the kids never knew who I was gonna ring home for.
30:13
SPEAKER_01: And I always left at least an hour.
30:15
SPEAKER_01: Sometimes I do an hour and a half of phone calls at the end of the day.
30:18
SPEAKER_01: Some of them were phone calls to say that the child had misbehaved.
30:21
SPEAKER_01: Some of those phone calls were to say to the parent he'd done really well.
30:25
SPEAKER_01: So kids were always listening.
30:26
SPEAKER_01: Oh, I wonder if she's gonna call my mom today, you know?
30:29
SPEAKER_01: That could be good leverage to use.
30:32
SPEAKER_01: Right.
30:32
SPEAKER_01: Well, let me take the opportunity to remind you of my book, Diversity is not our strength.
30:37
SPEAKER_01: It's coming out in November, but you can get it in the pre-sales on Amazon, and there's the link below.
30:42
SPEAKER_01: Sorry, that's all I have time for today.
30:44
SPEAKER_01: I have a school to run.
30:46
SPEAKER_01: You have your life to live, so don't forget to like and subscribe at the channel below.
30:51
SPEAKER_01: Until next time, hold the line, strength and honor.
30:54
SPEAKER_01: See you next week.