Latest / How Hard Can It Be? with Diana Maria Riva / Sunny Hostin on her Ruined Mother’s Day, the Parenting of Adult Children, and the Lessons, Sanity, and Santeria of a 28-year Marriage

Transcript

Sunny Hostin on her Ruined Mother’s Day, the Parenting of Adult Children, and the Lessons, Sanity, and Santeria of a 28-year Marriage · How Hard Can It Be? with Diana Maria Riva

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: What would you do if you finally got around to
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: taking that self care vacation party of one for some
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: much needed rest and relaxation meantime, only to have your
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: husband crash it. My next guest will have you crying
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: laughing at her hilarious insight on being an insufferable parent,
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: the canoe test and who do you have to know
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: around here to be left alone around here? I mean, seriously,
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: how hard can it be? Welcome to this episode of
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: How Hard Can It Be? A podcast for gen X
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: women navigating midlife's most fantastic bullshit. I'm your host, Diana
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: many Arriva, and I am super excited to welcome my
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: next guest, who started off in journalism and then made
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: a move over into law, becoming a trial attorney for
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: the Department of Justice until her talents as an attorney
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: led her to television with Nancy Grace and Bill O'Reilly's
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: CNN and Fox, and most currently legal analyst and co
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: host of The View, but most importantly mama to Gabriel
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: and Paloma. She's a lawyer also a New York Times
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: bestselling author Badass Woman. Please welcome Sunny Hostage. Oh my gosh,
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: I love that instro. Thank you. That's great. I mean
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: it is. This is why we talk about how important
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: it is to have representation on television and film, that
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: art should depict life, because this is life.
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: It is life.
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: This is like, this is what you have brought to
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: the table.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: Oh, thank you, and just thank you for having me.
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: I mean, I've been I'm a fan.
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: So let me fan out so much murders of the
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: building and all the things.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: But no, I've listened to the podcast, I've listened to
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: you with Eva Eva, and you're just fantastic and thank
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: you your girlfriend.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: In my head.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: Anyways, I'm really happy to be here. Yes, and I
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: love that you said you talked about my children, Gabriel
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: and Paloma, because they are my life. They're you know, yeah,
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: I feel like I don't want to call them achievements,
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: but the greatest job that I have is being their mother. Yes,
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: you know, I feel blessed and highly favored.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: You are allowed to say it is your greatest accomplishment.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: I believe that. I do believe right. They're happy, they're healthy.
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: My son is very interesting. He's surfing right now in
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: Costa Rica, likely because of a girl, but it's it's
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: it's just been such a pleasure to see them, yeah,
• 2:40
  Speaker 2: become you know, to launch.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And I said, you know, and I had
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: an episode with Holly Robinson Pete and we talked about how,
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: first of all, I always say, if society's gonna blame
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: me for your kids turning out to be pieces of shit, yeah,
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: you definitely get the credit when they turn out wonderful, right, yes, Okay, you.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: Know I I think I was having this discussion with
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: both of my children around Mother's Day because Palomas at
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: Cornell and she's a sophomore. She's in finals, so she
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: wasn't going to come home. Gabriel, of course, is surfing
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: in Costa Rica, and so they you know, I knew
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: that I wasn't going to be with them, and so
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: I decided to take a trip on my own to
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: Mexico and my husband did crash the trip.
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, I love this.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: I planned to I planned to be by myself. But
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: what was just special about it is that they told me.
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: You know, I said, I can't believe I'm not going
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: to be with you for Mother's Day, but I know
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: that you're happy and that you know, you're hunkering down
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: and doing what you want to do. And my son
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: reminded me that when they were graduating from high school,
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: I gave them that book All the Things You'll all
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: the places You'll go, And he told me when he
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: was a freshman at Harvard, difficult it was. He didn't
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: feel like a fish.
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: Out of water. He didn't love it.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: And I told him, you know that book I gave you.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: Part of the title should be but go anyway. No,
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: despite the fear and the hesitation and those feelings, you
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: must go anyway. And so he said, you know, so
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: I'm in Costa Rica because I went anyway and he
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: told me to go anyway. And my daughter was like,
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: you know, you told me go anyway. So I'm not
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: coming home. And and I taught them, but they teach
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: me stuff every single day, all the time. It's really cool.
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: It is. It's a gift. It is you know. I
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: usually start with this icebreaker, but I want to move on.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: I want to stick here for a second because I
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: love you know, the gifts that we're getting from our children.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: It changes, it evolves, it evolves the older they get it.
• 4:54
  Speaker 2: Does I mean, I you know mineor my son's twenty
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: three and by almost twenty three years apart, and the
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: crazy thing for me has been parenting adults. I call
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: them kid alts because they're really almost like toddlers with
• 5:14
  Speaker 2: drivers licenses and passports right like they're really kids. Their
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: frontal lobes don't really develop to their thirty is the science.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, it keeps moving twenty five, it's thirty.
• 5:26
  Speaker 2: Every time I think we're almost there, it's thirty. And so,
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: you know, you hope that you have taught them enough
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: of a foundation that they can and they have enough
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: runway where they can fly and not fall out of
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: the sky. And that's and it's been very hard for
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: me because I keep on wanting to pull them back,
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: pull them to the tatomac, pull them back, pull them back.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: And my son in particular is fighting me on it
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: in terms of life, you know, work, what he's going
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: to do for, what his passions are, what his career
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: will be. The girls he dates that I don't like ever,
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: but he's doing his thing he doesn't want. He actually
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: called me insufferable recently and judgmental, which I am.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: Parents are, Yeah, are involved, we are in suffer of
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: course they're going to say that.
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: And I used to say, Leanna, I used to say,
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: well when if I pay, I get a say. But
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: see I don't pay for things for him, right, Like,
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: he's got his own phone, so he's not on the
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: Life three sixty, he's not on the find my phone.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: He you know, has his own apartment. So I have
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: to trust that I did okay for you know, twenty
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: one years, eighteen years, twenty three years, and that he's
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: making the right life decisions and maybe he'll regret some
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: of them he has already actually, and the same.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: For I have a son and daughter and they're three
• 7:10
  Speaker 1: years apart as well, just about that same age range.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: Would you say that you approach your son differently than
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: your daughter when it comes to these what do you
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: say these tethers that you have to She's.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: More mature, okay, she's more mature. She's a little more grounded.
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: He's a dreamer okay, and he has a wanderlust, so
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: he travels the world without much planning. My daughter is
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: a lot like me. Well they're both like me, but
• 7:42
  Speaker 2: because he's you know, I pivot a lot and I
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: take a lot of chances, which is what he does.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: But Bloma is sort of steady. Eddy she's an artist.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: She's a fine artist.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: He's a baiter.
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: But she's majoring also in political science.
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: She has both sides of the brains.
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: She's got both sides of the brain. She's thinking, you
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: know what, maybe I need to go to law school
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: because I don't want to be a starving artist. So
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: she's a planner. She's a smart kid. He's like, where
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: the waves take me? Oh, she looks good. I like
• 8:13
  Speaker 2: people who like me.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: You know. The the boy went to Harvard, he did.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: He's brilliant. Yes, he's got a lot going on for.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: He's a brilliant kid. But one of the life lessons
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: I just taught him is he likes girls that like him.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: And I told him the good place to start. First
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: of all, what's there not to like? You're six foot two,
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: you're good looking. I think you come from a good family. Smart,
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: you're brilliant, you're kind, you're happy. There's not much not
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: to like. There's real power in choosing not being chosen.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: I chose my husband, he didn't choose me.
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  Speaker 1: Were you always like that? Yes? Okay I was not.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: I love hearing that you were. I mean, if I
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: had been a little bit more listen, it all works
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: out for good reason.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: It does.
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  Speaker 1: But this is what I am trying to teach my children.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: The younger you are, when you get hip to that.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: That you get to choose. You choose, and there's real
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: power in that. I met my husband in church. But
• 9:15
  Speaker 2: I saw him walk in and I was like, oh,
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: he looks fine. I wonder what he does for a living, right,
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: because I was already a lawyer. And he walked out
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: of the church. I followed him out of the church.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: He walked to a bagel shop. I followed him to
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: the bagel shop and I introduced myself to him and
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: he said, oh, well, I'm graduating from medical school. I
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: was like, okay, and where are you from. He was
• 9:38
  Speaker 2: like Spain. I said, okay, oh see, okay. So it
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: was all checking off. But I chose him, you know.
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: So my story is similar. I went on to Hinge
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: and I found him, and when I saw him on Hinge,
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: I decided to reach out. Yes, right, it worked out.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: I literally went with the same thing. I'm like, I'm choosing.
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: You have to choose. Because I waited too late in
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: my life to choose. I would get a little too
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: flattered by the fact that I was being but you
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: were being chosen. I don't even know where that's.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: The power isn't in being chosen. It's doing the choosing.
• 10:10
  Speaker 1: Yes, choosing a great and your daughter has that naturally,
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: she does.
• 10:14
  Speaker 2: She does. She who was really stubborn as a little kid.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: And I leaned into it. You know where I think
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: a lot of parents would have said, my way or
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: a highway. I'm just not my husband is that parent.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: I'm not.
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: I'm make the case, you know, maybe it's the lawyer
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: in me. Make the case. Why should you go there?
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: Why should you wear that? Why should you be allowed
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: to do that? You know, make and if you can
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: convince me, then you can do it.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: And she was tough, she was.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: I mean, she had an explanation for everything, and it
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: was it was difficult to allow that.
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: I could let her find her reasoning. It was hard, yeah.
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: But it was well worth it because you know, I
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: might maybe I was not harder on her, but I
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: gave my son more cushion in a sense, you know, sing, Yeah,
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: I gave him more cushion, which has led.
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: To hang ten that Scabriel, how do you how do
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: how does this come into play when your children or
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: your son. And maybe in this case, when they're dating
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: someone you don't like, do you say, why should you
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: date this person? You say, I don't like her?
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: You know, I started with I don't like her. That
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: does not work. And what was interesting is my mother
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: told me that was didn't work. And I did it anyway,
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: and she said, my real name's as she goes. So
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: she's asked, listen, listen, do you remember all the times
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: I told you not to date Eric and not to
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: take you know, this one and that one.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: And what did you do?
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: I said, I dated them anyway? She said, correct, because
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: the more you push against it, the closer they get.
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: And he's like, I mean she really, she really did.
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: So for me, I did not follow that advice. And
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: he would stay with these girls that they were bad choices.
• 12:33
  Speaker 2: Well he was chosen, and now I I give prompts.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: So sound like he brings.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: Them home all the time, and they all are beautiful
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: and slightly vapid, right like it's like the low hanging fruit,
• 12:53
  Speaker 2: right like if it's like poison, never trust a big
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: butt and a smile, like if.
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: The girl like that's what he just looks, he's not
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: like thinking.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: And so now and my son is a thinker, so
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: he reads like call Young for fun or the Art
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: of War for fun.
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: He's a layered human being.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: He's very layered. So his recent dating fora I haven't
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: met the Costa Rican. I haven't met going to take
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: I haven't met this one yet. He hasn't told me.
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: But I'm sure that's why he's there, right, He's not
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: just in Costa Rica by himself surfing, no way. So
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: the recent one that he brought home, I said, ask
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: her what she reads? And he said why Why would
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: I ask her that? I said, because you read the
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: Art of War for fun, and you read Philosophers for fun.
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: And when I was a trial lawyer, I used to ask.
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: This was the days before the cell phones. They would
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: bring reading materials in the jurors and I would ask
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: them during voidir what did you bring to read? And
• 14:07
  Speaker 2: it tells you a lot about someone what they're reading.
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: Some of the jurors would be reading the Washington Post.
• 14:13
  Speaker 2: Because I was in DC, one Drewer was reading a
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: law book to prepare for jury duty. I don't want
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: that duror, Okay, I don't want the duror. That's like
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: trying to prepare reading criminal law. I want that Durer.
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: Some Drewors were like, you know, I don't really read
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: that says something to me. So I asked him, you
• 14:36
  Speaker 2: should ask because ultimately we know this gen xers know.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: You know, after a couple of years, the flame goes out. Okay,
• 14:45
  Speaker 2: you're not having sex from the ceiling and all of that.
• 14:48
  Speaker 2: You know. Joy bayharstays, you have to have a Martinian
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: an empty stomach to get in the mood after you've
• 14:53
  Speaker 2: been I've.
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: Been married twenty eight years.
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: Okay, Like the passion is okay, So you need to
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: make like be with your best friend. You need to
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: be someone that can be with someone that can challenge you.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: So he asked the girl what she reads?
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: Oh god, here we go.
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: She reads like US Weekly and my memoir. Why is
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: she reading about me?
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: Well, she's either a strategist and you know, approaching to
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: see the woman who raised him, or nosy.
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: Nosy and wants to be with him because he has
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: a mother who's a public figure.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: Oh okay, okay, see I'm a little naive.
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: It's manipulative. It's manipulative, and she probably didn't really read
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: my memoir.
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: This is what she just said, I think I think
• 15:47
  Speaker 1: you can quizzer on it. Did you like that part.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: Where okay, never mind ever by her anymore?
• 15:56
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, that is you know. Okay, I'll tell
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: you what I told my kids once, and they were like,
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: what I learned one time. I was I had only
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: dated one person for like a little minute, a few
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: minutes after my divorce. And we were in a canoe
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: together going down the Ohio River. Because I'm from cin cincinnatikay,
• 16:17
  Speaker 1: so all I knew is he was in the back
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: of the canoe, and I grew up canoeing with my
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: family and knew he couldn't get his shit together. And
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: all he did was yell, yeah, put it on this side,
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: put on this, and we just our canoe just went
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: like this and going circles circles. We went fucking nowhere,
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: and my daughter and his daughter were in another canoe
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: and my daughter was trying to and she his daughter
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: was just kind of hanging out whatever. It got to
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: the point where he barked at me so much. I said,
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: let's trade. You go in with your daughter and Sophie,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: you come with me. We did, and Sofie and are
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: like boom. We were off we go and right, and
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: then he gets in with his daughter. His daughter was
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: just like correct, sitting in the back and he's just
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: in a pedaling whatever. And as it says a lot,
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: it says a lot. If you want to know whether
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: or not you're going to be able to go to
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: the distance with someone, you get in the canoe, go canoeing.
• 17:07
  Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I need to advise my son to go canoeing. Yes.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: See what I had a surfing If they tip it,
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: then they go in circles like red nobody.
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: Isn't that an analogy for life? You know, you have
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: to grow together, work together. Yeah, if not, you do
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: go in circles.
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 17:35
  Speaker 2: I'm in an argument with my husband right now, but
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: that's going to go away according to you, it is.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: But I want to ask you about that too. Thirty
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: five year marriage, twenty year year marriage, Yeah, that's a
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: long feet And how do you walk through arguments now? Differently?
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: I am.
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: We are both very passionate people, and so mention. He's
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: from Spain, right, from Spain. So we're doing this. We're
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: really butting heads a lot, and it was about who
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: is right? And now I know that I'm with him forever.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: And I know he's my best friend. Yes, and I
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: don't say things that are hurtful. It can't be taken back.
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: And now I just take a I breathe, and I
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: take my time. This argument that I'm having with him
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: right now is started on Sunday.
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: Two days in Sunday Monday. No, it's three days, three days.
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: So this is the argument, and this is how I
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: handle things now with him. I did make a plan
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: to go away on Mother's Day because my children were
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: going to be with me, and I write books and
• 18:57
  Speaker 2: I'm working on a book, and so I wanted to
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: go to Mexico to my favorite resort there alone and
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: by myself and get a massage and drink tequila and sit.
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: On the beach.
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: Perfect And I wanted him to be at home and
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: watch our two dogs and our cats. And he crashed
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: my Mother's Day and surprised me and joined me. Now
• 19:28
  Speaker 2: I love him deeply, but I really did want to
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: be by myself, getting a massage and.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: Doing my thing.
• 19:40
  Speaker 2: So when he shows up, I'm like, hey, I'd had
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: a few you know. I got there in the morning,
• 19:47
  Speaker 2: I was lit and happy, and I had scheduled a
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: couple of treatments. You know, every day I was aggravated.
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: So I was like, oh, it's so nice of you.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: And he was like, you know, I just knew that
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: you would be because it was he said, I felt
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: that eventually you would be sad that you were alone
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: on Mother's Day.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: But mothers no, Mother's Day is the one day that
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: you don't want to mother.
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: Anyone, to take care of anyone. You want to be
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: taken care of. It's my kids were going to be away.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: I was like, bet so.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: And the other thing I forgot to mention is my
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: husband is cheap, extremely cheap.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: By the way, if you hear extra laughter, it's because
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: actress extraordinary are in the room. You have to make
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: a cameo here in a minute. But cheap cheap.
• 20:55
  Speaker 2: So he it's frugal, he's he's cheap. And so when
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: we fly together, he likes to fly and roll thirty
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: five B and I like to fly in C three
• 21:10
  Speaker 2: A yes, okay, I like an as'll see in the
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: front of the plane.
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: And I like to get champagne before take off. So
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: I made a round trip first class ticket.
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: It was great.
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: He was in the back of the plane on the
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: way back. So on Mother's Day, he's no the whole trip,
• 21:36
  Speaker 2: so he stays. He stays, we go to get the massage,
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: and you know, they give you the bill. This massage
• 21:43
  Speaker 2: was four hundred dollars. I didn't invite him, so I said, yeah,
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: I was four hundred dollars. Hi your meal, and he
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: just continues because he put a currency calculator on his
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: phone because everything was in pair, so I'm thinking he's
• 22:01
  Speaker 2: not even going to realize how much it is. Of
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: course he goes that four hundred dollars massage.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: Oh my god.
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: So then he ruined the massage. Then we go out
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: to dinner. He has to brings the freaking currency thing
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: out and he's like, that taco was twenty five dollars.
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: I did not First of all, I didn't even eat.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: I don't eat that much. Look at me, I don't
• 22:28
  Speaker 2: eat that much. Okay, he's eating everything and then complaining
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: about how much seventy two dollars worth.
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: Of that four taco? Yes, sir, you hate that.
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: Then finally Mother's Day, I wake up and I check Instagram,
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: hoping that Ginataurres has sent me something funny so I
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: could laugh because now I'm pissed off, and he sends
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: me this weird Instagram reel that talks about how it
• 22:58
  Speaker 2: only takes five seconds more to put the dish in
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: the dishwasher. Oh oh, so I'm like, oh, she all,
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: is this that you sent me on Instagram? He's like,
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: you know what I've noticed now that the kids aren't
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: at home.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: No no, no, no, no no no.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: He's like, you know, you have your tea in the
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: morning and you put it in the sink instead of
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: washing and putting it in the dishwasher.
• 23:28
  Speaker 1: Shit.
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: I blocked him on Instagram. I blocked him on Instagram.
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: I went, I got dressed, I turned off my location
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: on the family plan so he couldn't find me, and
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: I spent Mother's Day by myself. You ditched him at
• 23:49
  Speaker 2: the resort, I did. And I went to the airport
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: by myself. And he got on the plane and he
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: was in row thirty something and I was in three eight.
• 23:59
  Speaker 1: So he comes on your planning, you're sitting there in
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: the front seat. I get your big old sunglasses and
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: your champagne and my champagne.
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: I don't know, and I didn't, So I haven't spoken
• 24:08
  Speaker 2: to him since. Wait, he just okay, so now, so
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: I'm not talking to him. So he just realized I
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: blocked him on Instagram.
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: It's the funniest.
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: Thing because he loses his privileges because he doesn't know
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: what to send me right.
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: Sends me that I'm the timing.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: You send me that on Mother's Day after you crash
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: my Mother's Day.
• 24:41
  Speaker 1: He said, nobody invited you.
• 24:44
  Speaker 2: I cannot believe that you blocked me on Instagram. This
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: is at nine oh eight am. I have been hesitant
• 24:54
  Speaker 2: to talk to you directly because I see how angry
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: you are. I don't know how you see what happened
• 25:00
  Speaker 2: on Sunday. I meant no harm. You picked a fight
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: with me on other stake. It was not meant in
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: any way as an attack. It's just a statement, and
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: you took it personally, and now he has escalated beyond control.
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: PS I'll see you at honey, goes on and on
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: and on.
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: Why think about the fact that we're not talking over
• 25:31
  Speaker 2: dishes in the sink.
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: It's silly me. I'm please call me god, Oh my god.
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: The fight is not about dishes in the sink. What
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: is the fight about.
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: Timing and timing respect for what I do with desire yes,
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: I mean we could go down the line. There's so
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: many things that this fight is about.
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: He's so hurt and it's not about the dishes in
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: the scene.
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: Though, No four hundred dollar tacos whatnot. You were not invited,
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: I mean you know me. Oh he's not invited.
• 26:26
  Speaker 2: No, oh my gosh, this is but he loves to
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: be next to me and that's a beautiful thing.
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: Sure, sure when and in by.
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: Way he's apologizing, but he doesn't. That's the least he
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: missed the point cut in your please call me.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: I'm standing outside your bedroom door so that I haven't
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: called him.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: I'm mad at nine o eight this morning. Yeah, he
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: texted me down at nine o eight. I was at
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: the view already. But I'm mad still because the apology
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: makes my point.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: He'd missed the whole thing. Yeah right, well, I said.
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: But twenty eight years of marriage I forgive. I've forgiven
• 27:08
  Speaker 2: him already. But the long story short is that I
• 27:14
  Speaker 2: accept who he is and how he is clearly, and
• 27:17
  Speaker 2: I just you know, and I'll speak to him tonight.
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: It's interesting at this stage in life things do they
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: get better, do they get worse, or do we just
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: approach them from different perspectives.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: Oh, I think it's better. Yeah, okay, I wouldn't want
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: to be twenty. I mean, I'm fifty seven. I wouldn't
• 27:34
  Speaker 2: want to be twenty again, No, that would have been
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: a blank twenty. The twenties were you know, yeah, twenties.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: When we mean blocking people on Instagram, I mean.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: I would have just yeah, I'm ghosted him. I mean yeah,
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: oh yeah, I'd be done. I probably would have kicked
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: him out of the hotel. You know, all kinds of
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: crazy stuff. So it gets better.
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: I think with age, what do you think is the
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: biggest surprise? With ageigest surprised by the biggest mis misconception.
• 28:03
  Speaker 2: So I think the biggest surprise is, well, let me
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: start with the biggest. The misconception is that we care
• 28:17
  Speaker 2: about what other people think. It's a huge misconception, it is.
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: And the biggest surprise to me is that I really
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: don't give a ship. I can curse as a podcast.
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: My mother just called me the other day after this
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: for the first podcast.
• 28:38
  Speaker 2: I maybe cut that, but no, the biggest surprise is
• 28:43
  Speaker 2: that I just feel so secure and who I am
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: and who I've become, and I don't need exterior validation
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: the way I think me.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: I used to sure.
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: I have a very clear sense of self and purpose.
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: I'm very intentional, and I think for me, growing up
• 29:15
  Speaker 2: very poor in the South Bronx projects with that insecurity
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: of the poverty will give you fear of failure, a
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: strange feeling of identity. What it was, I mean being
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: black and Puerto Rican Gina, and I've spoken about this,
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: Afro Latina was not a term, and so I felt
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: growing up I lived in the gray a lot. You
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: know in this country, you know you're considered black by
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: the one drop rule. But I grew up as Alsunzion,
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: speaking Spanish and being rejected by the Latino community was
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: something that was weird for me, being in the black community,
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: being otherised, also as someone who was light skinned with
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: what people call good hair, right.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: And all of that.
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: It was a very tumultuous upbringing and I was raised
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: by teenagers all of those things. To now come to
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: a place where I know my value and my worth.
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: What I will accept, what I will not accept. I
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: know my viewpoint. I can stick up for other people.
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: I can allow my children to live you know, full
• 30:48
  Speaker 2: beautiful lives. Somewhat untethered that that comes as a surprise
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: to me. I wouldn't have expected to be sitting across
• 31:00
  Speaker 2: from you.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: Growing up.
• 31:05
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't have expected this big life that I have. Yes,
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: so this entire thing is a surprise to me.
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: Well, I will join you on that. I would not
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: have expected having the opportunity to interview a journalist, oh lawyer,
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: worked for their government author mother and the most wicked
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: sense of humor I could have ever imagined. This is
• 31:32
  Speaker 1: and the one of my one of the driving forces
• 31:35
  Speaker 1: for having this podcast. When they approached me about doing
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: it and they want They asked me about what topic
• 31:41
  Speaker 1: would would be for us women to get together like this, Yeah,
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: and have this conversation. Because the more I hear from you,
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: the more I learn, the more I say, I take
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: more nuggets from myself. Yes, that canoe analogy, Yes, I'm going.
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: To be using that tonight when I speak to him
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: Manuel at his nonsense. It's gonna be you turn that
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: canoe around, not me.
• 32:08
  Speaker 1: First of all, the next time that you have an
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: opportunity to get in the canoe. I want footage. I
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: want this post on Instagram and their caption just has
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: to be Dianna, that's it. Yes, I want to see
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: how this goes you too, Gina. That's a good one. Yes,
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: a good one.
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: Oh my god. And now my husband is gonna say,
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: so you told everybody about that story.
• 32:34
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: He's a surgeon, so a lot of times his patients
• 32:37
  Speaker 2: tell him, wow, you're in trouble, your wife said on.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: The View today right before them were going on Dury
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: like you podcast.
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: You know, you could just he can listen to it.
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: He'll see that we're getting I should he doesn't get it. Yeah, Well,
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: as Mammy said, men continue need to be needing to
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: be taught. He needs to be, he needs to be
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: as long as he's receptive. I think that's the renegotiable
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: contract in marriage, right, He's a constant renegotiable contract as
• 33:08
  Speaker 1: to what you need to learn about your partner.
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's actually I still find it interesting that
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: he does still surprise me, you know, and he makes
• 33:21
  Speaker 2: me laugh, like that text made me laugh.
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: Call me like I know I could hear him. Oh yeah,
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: I could just hear him.
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: We can feel it, I understand, and uh, he just
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: there's he surprises me. He's still interesting. You know. Well
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: that's he's still interesting and wicked, smart and really funny.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: Well and do you did you do the book test
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: with him? Oh?
• 33:49
  Speaker 3: Yes, for sure.
• 33:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: And that's why you can get through moments like this. Yeah,
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: because ultimately there's that through life, there's this thing, you know, where.
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: You need I think in life, true companionship to journey together.
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: Yes, you have to be friends, you have to.
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: Be best friends. And because you're walking through this life together,
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: you know, that's the biggest piece for me. And I
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: sort of had that aha moment probably like right after
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: our son was born. You know, I went through infertility
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: and bed rest for almost six months with him and
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: all sorts of things, and I saw the best of
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: my husband, I mean really did, and I realized we're
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: on this journey together. And through all the you know,
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: the proms and the breakups and the trying to find
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: themselves and all, you know, the Costa Rica and speaking
• 34:49
  Speaker 2: surfing in Costa Rica and all these things, I've had
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: my partner with me on a journey and we look
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: at things in different ways and I learn from him.
• 35:01
  Speaker 2: He's been exceptional with my son and these girlfriends. He's
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: like he's a man and he's in his twenties, he'll
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: figure it out.
• 35:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what, sometimes you need to hear that perspective.
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: The male perspective, like I'm like, oh my god, he's
• 35:16
  Speaker 2: local these one pregnancy away from ruining his life.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: He doesn't understand everything I did. I paid for Harvard.
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: God, you know, as you know, you think that way
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: as a mom, like, yeah, one pregnancy away, and my
• 35:35
  Speaker 2: husband is like, no, that's not gonna last.
• 35:38
  Speaker 1: That's not him. Oh yeah, you know what, when they
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: can call it, he called it every time. That is
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: a skill, isn't it something? I thought?
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: I thought the one crazy. He had a real crazy girl.
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: I really thought. I mean she she was smart and crazy,
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: which was scary because they got I hear the guys
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: back there like, yeah, it was a bad triggered. It
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: was a bad combo. She was beautiful, smart and crazy.
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: And I was like, oh my god, And well some
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: would say I have those qualities also, So I was
• 36:13
  Speaker 2: like game, saw game, you know. I was like, oh no, smart,
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: beautiful and crazy, damn. And they got into an argument
• 36:23
  Speaker 2: and it was raining outside, and he jumped into his
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: car and locked the doors. It was in front of
• 36:29
  Speaker 2: her house, and she jumped onto the hood of the
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: car and ripped off the windshield wipers so he couldn't
• 36:34
  Speaker 2: drive away.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: Oh that's when I'm.
• 36:37
  Speaker 2: Like, you know what, I kind of appreciated it. I
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: was like, that was smart. In the moment, you're like infuriated,
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: but you've insured he can't drive away. And my son
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: is not an angry person, So he's not somebody that's
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: gonna like yell and scream or anything. He's just gonna
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: sit there. But my husband said, the fact that she
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: damaged his property, he's going to break up with her.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: And that was it. Yeah, Yeah, we come it from
• 37:04
  Speaker 1: a more emotional perspective. I was like, she's crazy, she's
• 37:09
  Speaker 1: on stage, she puts you in an unsafe position, and
• 37:11
  Speaker 1: he's like, he's got to get new inshield wipers. That's
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: what my That's fifty six dollars that he didn't need
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: to spend.
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: That's what my husband said. She she messed with his car,
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: He's going to break up.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: Say that, isn't that crazy? That's that's I didn't grow
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: up with brothers, and my father never left a toilet
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: set up in his life. Yes, he has his four
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: four women in the house. I mean, he's just the best.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: He's been a solid and I have to say that
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: I did take from him how to raise my son,
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: because I'm my son. I was like, I don't know
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: what to do with boys. I don't know what to
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: teach him. I don't know what. And I remember teaching
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: my son how to tie a tie with a video
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: on a YouTube video. Wow it was he was going
• 37:49
  Speaker 1: to an eighth grade dance and he comes with the
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: tie and I'm.
• 37:52
  Speaker 2: Like, yes, I don't I don't know what to do.
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: Loop it around, loop it around, bring it under, pull
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: it down.
• 37:58
  Speaker 1: I sat there and watched the video and and then
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: at some point he bought himself shaving accessories because he
• 38:05
  Speaker 1: was shaving, and I was like, I didn't neeed you
• 38:07
  Speaker 1: amount of shave. So he figured that out. But there
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: have been times in my life where I've said to him,
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: justin do you think I missed anything? And he goes
• 38:14
  Speaker 1: everything I ever needed I got from you.
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: I know. Both of the my children have told me
• 38:19
  Speaker 1: that because as a single parent, you you don't have
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: those moments where you can say what do you think,
• 38:25
  Speaker 1: what's what's your viewpoint on this? Or what do you
• 38:28
  Speaker 1: and and he you know, Luckily, he's just he's a
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: beautiful It's like, you did well. I did. I did
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: what I feel good? Right, And I guess the other
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: part of that is that what I didn't know he
• 38:41
  Speaker 1: figured out. He figured out where to get shaving material
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: and where to get razors and took care of his.
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: You raised a resourceful I did solid I did. Boy.
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, man, And that's yes. And he is a
• 38:56
  Speaker 1: beautiful soul. Are you taking on anything new?
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah? I like to challenge myself a lot. I call
• 39:18
  Speaker 2: it pivoting, but it's really that I do get bored easily.
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: So I need to challenge myself to grow. It's something
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: I've realized about myself. So I started this writing thing, right.
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: I wrote the memoir because Justice Sotaor told me to.
• 39:37
  Speaker 1: Actually, I mean, when Justice sat a memoir, you're gonna
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: need it's where did I even know her?
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: But you know, we have similar upbringings. She grew up
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: in the Bronx projects, not too far from where I
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: grew up, and so because I was a federal prosecutor,
• 39:50
  Speaker 2: I had security clearance. And so when she started going
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: on her book tours, we met and she asked me
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: to start moderating her book tours, so we've become friends
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: and we were involved with the Bronx Children's Museum together
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: as well. And she told me that I should write
• 40:11
  Speaker 2: to my experience. And I was like, I'm not a
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: Supreme Court justice who cares about in my life. And
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: she explained to me that it's pretty aspirational for someone
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: to grow up as with Spanish as their first language,
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: with the name that nobody can pronounce to teenage biracial
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: to teenage parents and to make it yeah, what is
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: considered making.
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: It right out of the projects. And so.
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: I wrote that memoir prematurely, I still think. But I
• 40:46
  Speaker 2: started writing fiction because I've always been a writer, was
• 40:50
  Speaker 2: a journalist. I have a journalism degree and I've written
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: historically Black Beach community fiction, so it's historical fiction. And
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: now I'm writing a fantasy book about witches and the
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: most powerful witch is born in Puerto Rico.
• 41:11
  Speaker 1: I would love to be in this film. Yes, Well,
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: the good news is that it's been optioned all right,
• 41:23
  Speaker 1: so I can't.
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: Talk too much about it, but yeah, I would love
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: that because it has it's mythical it.
• 41:35
  Speaker 1: Some of the witches are.
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: They started in Melanesia and they're in Africa and in
• 41:42
  Speaker 2: Puerto Rico and Brazil, and they're you know, sort of
• 41:48
  Speaker 2: the diaspora, and and we're talking about you know, Santa Ri.
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: I write to Santa Ria and colonialism and just all
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: the things. And so that's been my latest challenge. I'm
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: writing that and I've created a world and I've never
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: really done that before because I've always been rooted in
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: historical fictions and a memoir which is based in truth.
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: So this is the first time that I've been able
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: to create a world, and it's gotten such I've gotten
• 42:21
  Speaker 2: such incredible feedback exciting that it's very exciting because my
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: books are being made into a series by Amasi, but
• 42:30
  Speaker 2: this this will be a film as opposed to a series.
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: Oh wow, so I'll be calling we are casting ourselves. Okay,
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: it's going to be fascinating. I really believe that it's
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: a beautiful, magical, mystical world, that it is just really swimming,
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: and I believe in a little bit of it. I
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: know that's okay, I believe. I think that's that's appropriate.
• 42:54
  Speaker 2: Did you ever hear as latinas? Did you ever hear
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: how to put somebody on that spell? No?
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: Oh, here we go Gina, have you heard of it?
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: You guys to go over here and sit and join
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: the show. I was gonna say, you got to share
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: the mic. You just come over.
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: You never heard about this spell?
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: Gina. Ladies and gentlemen, Gina Torres. When in New York,
• 43:19
  Speaker 1: I just go around and I gather all my celebrity girlfriends. Okay,
• 43:22
  Speaker 1: do you have to move the arm? This mo this
• 43:25
  Speaker 1: a little bit so that you can share.
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: So the last time we were together, people should know,
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: we were at the White House during the Biden administration
• 43:33
  Speaker 2: for the Afro Latina Latino Coalition discussion and we became
• 43:38
  Speaker 2: fast friends. So this is the thing my grandmother taught me.
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: She did practice a little santia and she wore you know,
• 43:46
  Speaker 2: cordialez and everything like that and would wear white and Okay,
• 43:51
  Speaker 2: So if somebody you need somebody out of your life,
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: or you need to neutralize someone so that they cannot
• 43:59
  Speaker 2: harm you, whether it be their gossiping about you, whether
• 44:03
  Speaker 2: it be a lover that you just need to get
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: them out of your life and you can't bring yourself
• 44:07
  Speaker 2: to do it, whether it be a frenemie. You write
• 44:11
  Speaker 2: their name on a piece of paper. I'm so glad
• 44:14
  Speaker 2: this is recorded with intention. With intention intention, well, you
• 44:21
  Speaker 2: can write that I've written things like that, but not
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: intention to do them harm. Only the intention is to
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: get them out of your life or whatever they're doing.
• 44:31
  Speaker 2: To neutralize whatever they're doing, you bail it up in tinfoil.
• 44:36
  Speaker 2: You put it in tinfoil, and then you put it
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: in akha especially for this, and then you put it
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: in the freezer.
• 44:44
  Speaker 1: So you put it in a box, and you put
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: it in a freezer. Yes how long?
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: Forever?
• 44:50
  Speaker 1: Okay, So try to make it so you write it,
• 44:53
  Speaker 1: put it in a tinfoil ball, and then a little box,
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: and then put in the freeze.
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: I have mine in a tupperware Has it worked every
• 45:02
  Speaker 2: single time?
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: I can literally think of times when I needed.
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: That every single time. And I just moved to a
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: new house and I was someone was helping me clean
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: out the refrigerator and she took the freeze the thing
• 45:18
  Speaker 2: and was gonna throw it away, and I went, oh, no,
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: that must be stay in ice. And I literally got
• 45:27
  Speaker 2: ice packs put it in the thing, and then brought
• 45:31
  Speaker 2: it in my new house and put.
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: It back in that freezer.
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: I can't believe you never heard of that. Everybody has
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: a grandmother that practices something other things, but not not
• 45:43
  Speaker 2: the freeze out. You know what else My grandmother taught me.
• 45:46
  Speaker 2: What's that when you're in an argument with a man,
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: you never break their things, like the mistake that that
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: girl made with my son. What you do is you
• 45:57
  Speaker 2: pick out something that you love, something maybe you could replace,
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: and you go, you made me so angry, and you
• 46:07
  Speaker 2: throw it and you break it. One he feels that
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: you're crazy, and so because you broke your own thing
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: that you like over him, then he feels a little
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: guilty about it, and he likes it. So when I
• 46:26
  Speaker 2: have a collection of plates, and a couple of years
• 46:32
  Speaker 2: into my relationship with my husband, took it's transfer where
• 46:37
  Speaker 2: I took it off the wall during an argument with
• 46:40
  Speaker 2: my husband and I threw it on the ground and
• 46:43
  Speaker 2: it shattered, and I said, look at what you made me.
• 46:47
  Speaker 2: Do You made me break something I cherish And it worked. Yes.
• 46:56
  Speaker 2: In fact, he called his best friend who's from England,
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: and said I heard him say, he calls me so soon.
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: I love her, man, but she broke her own ship.
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: This is what I'm dealing with. Oh my god, Yeah,
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: you break your own thing.
• 47:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so instead of that is good advice, just make
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: sure it's an ugly plate, like I didn't like that
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: one anyway. Yeah, you you throw it and you let
• 47:30
  Speaker 1: it shatter. So don't keep his car key your own?
• 47:33
  Speaker 3: Yes, something that you you've already been shopping for a
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: new car.
• 47:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, if you shot me for a new car. Oh,
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: you made me do that's my That was my grandmother.
• 47:49
  Speaker 2: Oh my god, three husbands, she had three husbands.
• 47:51
  Speaker 1: Took a Louisville slugger to my headline.
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: And that everyone is the secret of being married twenty
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: eight years and same.
• 48:06
  Speaker 3: Okay, that's perfect because I gotta run.
• 48:09
  Speaker 1: I got check that out.
• 48:11
  Speaker 3: That's good advice.
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: Well let me do. Let me do this little rapid
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: fire with the both of you that are you better?
• 48:17
  Speaker 1: Are your partners better? So just say me or Kevin
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: me or money? Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna give you
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: a subject and you say I'm better at it, or
• 48:27
  Speaker 1: Manny's better, You're better at it, or Kevin's batter better? Okay,
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: appliance repairs, Manhaven, conference call with school teacher, me like
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: if the kids misbehaving me? Okay, becoming an empty nester
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: who handled it better? Manny me, oh interesting self care
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: me me, she says with resentment. The better chef me,
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: best surprise gifts. I had this written before we heard
• 49:06
  Speaker 1: the surprise that you were given. I am better at
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: the surprise gifts. Needless you do midlife handling your ship?
• 49:20
  Speaker 1: Who's better at it? You and your man? Okay, you
• 49:27
  Speaker 1: see why we were a gift every single day. This
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: has been the wildest and most fun episode ever. And
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: this is you know what, This is what midlife looks like.
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: It feels like it is like this right here.
• 49:48
  Speaker 3: Please, I love to tell you about Panda time.
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: Yes, happened.
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: Well, because Kevin and I have been together in nine years.
• 49:55
  Speaker 1: It's a long time.
• 49:56
  Speaker 3: And he's somebody that likes to be with his partner,
• 50:00
  Speaker 3: and I'm somebody that likes to dip out because I
• 50:06
  Speaker 3: need time. We have I need time.
• 50:09
  Speaker 1: You need time.
• 50:10
  Speaker 3: You need time. So I watched some documentary about pandas
• 50:14
  Speaker 3: and how they come down out of the jungle okay
• 50:17
  Speaker 3: to mate, and then once they mate, they're like peace,
• 50:21
  Speaker 3: really see you, I would guess, and they raise their
• 50:25
  Speaker 3: their cubs all by themselves, and then and then they
• 50:28
  Speaker 3: send their babies out into the world. They go back
• 50:31
  Speaker 3: into jungle. And then when they get horny they come,
• 50:32
  Speaker 3: they come back, and yes, they get fat on bamboo.
• 50:37
  Speaker 3: They're happy, beautiful creatures. And and so I I like said,
• 50:46
  Speaker 3: this is me, this is this is my life, this
• 50:49
  Speaker 3: is my life. And so I tell Kevin, I said,
• 50:53
  Speaker 3: I need panda time. Wow, And he now understands what
• 50:58
  Speaker 3: panda timea's time and the time.
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: Well, everyone, you've just taken a new resource, a new
• 51:06
  Speaker 1: news pan the time. Yes, no surprises. You put the
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: thing on ice, you put the best, and you break
• 51:13
  Speaker 1: your own stuff.
• 51:14
  Speaker 2: Break your own there's so many great takeaways.
• 51:17
  Speaker 3: Now think about the takeaways.
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 51:23
  Speaker 3: But yeah, if you're younger, break your own stuff. If
• 51:26
  Speaker 3: you're if you're not, if you've gotten to this.
• 51:29
  Speaker 1: Not good stuffy right right in our lives, good stuff,
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: I'm like, this would be me.
• 51:34
  Speaker 2: I'd be like, you know what, yeah, yeah, exactly exactly.
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: You don't break there a mess plate. Okay, you breaked
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: the plate going from target?
• 51:44
  Speaker 3: Yeah, come on, you know I'm at I'm at the
• 51:46
  Speaker 3: place where I'm like.
• 51:49
  Speaker 1: Oh ship, it's there. My husband says, that's worse, that's
• 51:53
  Speaker 1: that's awful. It's they don't know what to do.
• 51:56
  Speaker 3: They don't know what hide you see the text I
• 51:59
  Speaker 3: got cut, call me your buttholes.
• 52:02
  Speaker 1: Just because it's three days, you have to start threatening,
• 52:05
  Speaker 1: like I'm going to block you on Instagram? Like no,
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: but can you believe it.
• 52:10
  Speaker 2: Took him three days to realize I have blocked him.
• 52:12
  Speaker 2: I blocked him Sunday morning. When I read that thing,
• 52:15
  Speaker 2: I went block.
• 52:16
  Speaker 1: So funny because what I hear young people say is
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: like they left me on red? Yeah, can you that's right?
• 52:21
  Speaker 1: Getting upset over that you left me on red? I'm like,
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: you sent me red messages into Wow. Well we gotta go,
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: but thank you, thank you, thank you Sony for being here,
• 52:33
  Speaker 1: for coming to see me, for for drawing my girl
• 52:36
  Speaker 1: Gina and when she heard you were going to be
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: in the studio today, and thank you for crashing.
• 52:41
  Speaker 2: You.
• 52:41
  Speaker 1: Guys got to get you some you know. If you don't,
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: they hearn't the gals you haven't see, They're gonna just
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: go on, get yourself some women like this in your life.
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: This is what we need. How hard can it be?
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: With the animae Ariva is a hyphen media group production
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: in partnership with Iheartsmichael podcast Network or more of your
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: favorite shows visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: you get your podcasts.