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Is it possible for a narcissist to have a healthy relationship? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we are talking about can a narcissist have a healthy
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  relationship If you're new here, My name is Lee Hammock.
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  I'm a clinically diagnosed narcissist and welcome to
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  another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  So welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, folks.
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  Yes, yes, yes. This is one of the, yeah, people
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  see me as a diagnosed narcissist and I'm still married.
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  I still have my kids and whatnot.
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  They see me and how I'm making my relationship work, how we are
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  existing and things like that. And they one of the questions a
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  lot of people ask me, especially if you think, especially if they
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  think that they are dealing with a narcissist, is, can a
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  narcissist have a healthy relationship?
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  Is it possible? Will it ever be healthy?
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  And will they ever realize what they've done?
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  So is how do I say this while I was making it sound bad?
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  Because I don't want it to sound bad?
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  Y'all because it it is. It is a tough topic to deal
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  with. It's a tough subject to deal
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  with. Overall, how can it be healthy?
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  You know how What is? Ask yourself this question.
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  I mean, ask yourself this question right here.
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  What does healthy look like to you?
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  If if you if healthy to you means we're communicating in a
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  great way. We're we're having healthy,
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  we're we're talking and I'm being.
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  My voice is being heard. Their voice is being heard.
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  They feel even if they feel safe to talk to me, I feel safe to
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  talk to them. They treat the kids with loving
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  care, respect. All this stuff is going good,
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  then typically yeah. If that's your answer of what a
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  healthy relationship looks like, then typically the answer for a
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  narcissist. A real full blown narcissist.
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  It's probably going to be no, it will never get to that point.
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  Because most narcissistic people, especially the ones that
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  are not working on themselves, are not going to have that
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  ability to feel safe. The ability to feel safe in the
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  relationship in order to treat their kids good, in order to
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  treat their partners, treat their partners well.
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  Most narcissists are not going to have that ability.
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  And that sucks to say because I'm in a relationship, you see
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  me doing what I'm doing, but I'm in.
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  I've been in therapy for almost 7 years.
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  Y'all me. I've been battling the therapy
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  journey for almost 7 years. This is year seven right here.
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  I'm entering year seven of therapy and whatnot, and I'm in.
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  My relationship is not perfect. I still struggle.
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  We battle back and forth here and there, but we are.
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  There's a level of communication that existed when that was never
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  there before, Like because I'm in therapy, my wife is also in
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  therapy, and we've also done some marriage counseling.
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  There's been a lot of wheels turning within our relationship.
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  A lot of gears have been turning within our relationship to make
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  it work, to make it have a healthier environment.
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  You know, because I said more, a lot of some people don't use the
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  word healthy. They used the word normal.
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  They say, can the narcissist have a normal relationship?
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  And again, I'm with y'all, I answer questions with questions.
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  You know, why do you always answer a question with a
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  question? I'm inquisitive.
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  What movie did they come from? Put that in the Yeah, I put
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  that. I'm in.
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  Why do you always answer a question with a question?
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  I'm inquisitive. Put that.
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  What movie is that from? Y'all.
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  Put it in the screen. Put it.
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  Look, put it. Drop it in the comment section.
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  What movie that came from That comment right there.
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  And I'll pin the comment. The first one I see, the first
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  one Who leaves it? That's the correct movie.
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  But yeah, ask yourself the question.
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  What does normal look like to you?
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  What is normal? I always answer questions with
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  questions. What does normal look like to
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  you? Does normal?
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  Does normal consist of those same things the healthy consist
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  of We're emotionally safe where we hold hands and walk on the
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  beach and talk about our feelings that probably that
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  probably won't happen right there.
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  We all just skipping through the sunset and holding hands on the
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  beach and the waves are cresting in the background and the moon
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  is rising and the sun is setting at the same time and you have
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  that. You know there's a eclipse and
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  y'all y'all skipping towards a picnic on the beach and the kids
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  are there, you know, just just just like they have matching
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  outfits on y'all that probably doesn't exist.
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  A narcissist might do that for a photo opportunity to make their
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  reputation look good, but in realistically they're not going
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  to want to do that. That type of stuff.
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  Y'all, you know what I mean. Like normal and healthy.
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  I don't think normal and healthy exists in a relationship with
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  the narcissist. Even in my relationship we got
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  well I go what we call, we go through what I call new normal.
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  It's like it's a new normal. It doesn't mean it's bad, it
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  doesn't mean it's great, It just means it's a new normal.
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  Like we exist very well now. We there's a lot of love in the
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  house now. Like because I'm super self
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  aware I've I become more self aware every single day of how my
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  how my actions and my words affect people around me.
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  So because I'm super self aware of that, I'm able to curtail a
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  lot of the stuff that I might say or do wrong.
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  You know, I might be able to curtail whatever, like if she
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  says something to me to correct something I've done wrong.
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  I don't take it as criticism, I take it as them.
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  She's really just trying to help me, you know?
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  So we are able to talk. She feels safe enough to talk.
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  She feels emotionally safe and vulnerable to me.
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  I feel safe and vulnerable to her a lot more than I used to.
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  You know, is that narcissistic person going to be able to go
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  work on themselves to be able to feel emotionally safe and
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  vulnerable with you? Ask yourself that question right
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  there. Y'all these are.
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  And I say that because it's a tough for you to.
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  You have to answer that question yourself.
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  Look at your relationship. How long has your relationship
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  been going on? You know how long has has this
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  relationship? How long has this level been
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  going on of mistreatment of bad behaviours?
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  How have they shown you? I'm asking you this question as
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  well. Have they shown you the ability
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  to be consistent with anything in your relationship other than
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  treating you bad? I mean long term consistency.
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  I don't mean a week, a couple weeks or whatever.
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  I don't mean picking up a hobby where they start fishing every
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  week or whatever or go hunting or, you know, whatever they like
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  to do. I'm not saying that right there.
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  I'm saying what whatever, like have they shown consistency with
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  being able to put their to set a goal to be healthier, to do, to
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  go live a healthier, better life?
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  Have they been able to do that? Because the answer to that
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  question most times is going to be no.
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  They have been showing. The only thing they've been
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  consistent with is being inconsistent in your
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  relationship. The only consistency is it's it.
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  It's a tongue twister right there.
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  The only red leather, yellow leather, unique New York.
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  The only consistency is inconsistency.
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  You see like they only be consistent with treating you
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  badly. They'll only be consistent with
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  manipulation. They've only been consistent
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  with gaslighting. Like what are, what are the good
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  things? And like I said again, even if
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  they've been consistent outside of doing that type of stuff,
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  what have they been with? What have they been consistent
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  with that is beneficial to other people and not as beneficial to
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  them? Yeah, it's directly beneficial
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  to other people and not as beneficial to them.
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  You say you have to ask yourself these deep, these these deep
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  questions right here, y'all because these questions help you
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  determine I'm not like I'm not trying to tell you how to leave
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  your relationship. That's not this is not what my
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  channel is dedicated for. I know people, they how I talk
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  or how maybe how I used to present it made it seem like I
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  wanted everybody to leave their ties to relationship.
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  That's not my my goal here is to raise as much awareness as I can
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  to people to let you know that, hey, look, this is what's going
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  on. Look, here's the I'm I'm trying
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  to provide you as much information as I possibly can so
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  you can make a conscientious decision whether or not you want
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  to stay in this relationship. You can make the conscientious
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  decision whether or not you want to keep moving forward, you want
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  to stop. It's up to you.
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  I won't make people to make the decision on their own.
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  You see, that's my goal right there is to help people make the
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  decision on their own in order to keep moving forward.
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  Like, ask yourself these questions because you can.
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  If you can, you can ask look how comfortable, how safe do you
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  feel your relationship is that narcissistic person that you're
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  dealing with, Are they really, you know, are they going to
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  commit to going to therapy for the rest of their lives at least
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  long term therapy, I don't say the rest of their life.
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  Long term therapy, long term psychotherapy, long term
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  counselling, long term something.
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  If it's going to make your relationship better long term,
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  putting in the work, are they willing to do that?
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  Is there is there something that goes on that's going to show you
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  that they're willing to do this? You know, because they have to
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  be willing to put that work in. And y'all, I need to say this as
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  well. Whether or not they decide to go
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  get help is less about you. What do you think it is?
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  I know people go like, well, maybe I'm not worth enough for
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  them to go get help. Stop attaching your worth to
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  what somebody else is going to do for themselves.
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  Y'all have got to stop doing it. Stop attaching your worth or
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  your value to something that somebody is going to do for the,
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  like some something that somebody has to do for
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  themselves. It's not about you.
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  They're going to go to therapy for you and it probably isn't
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  going to work. It probably isn't going to work.
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  They need to go work on themselves for themselves.
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  Because if otherwise y'all it won't.
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  You won't have any kind of semblance of normalcy.
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  You won't have any kind of semblance of emotional and
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  physical healthiness. Safety within your relationship
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  dynamic. Why would you?
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  You know, if they've been toxic for years, they're probably
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  going to be toxic for more years to come.
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  And this is not me trying to be debilitated or trying to kill
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  Y'all's vibe or anything like that.
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  That's not my goal here. Y'all know that's not my goal.
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  My goal is to. If I'm giving you the
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  information provided, I'm providing you the information
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  necessary for you to make a conscientious decision whether
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  you where you want to stay or or go where you want to go.
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  Go read Doctor Romedy's book Should I stay or should I go go
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  check her book out. You know, because they can help
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  you out and make the decision as well.
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  Because if you are looking at your friends and family's
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  relationships and they have healthy, happy relationships
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  with their compassionate to each other, and you can feel a little
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  jealousy and envy coming from that, you're probably going to
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  like like that that's going to fester in your relationship
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  because you probably won't ever have it looking like that.
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  I'm not going to say things will never get better unless they're
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  if they're if they're if they're committed to working on
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  themselves, I'm going to say that it probably won't look like
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  your friends and family's relationship.
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  It probably if you if you had a healthy mom and dad marriage,
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  your relationship probably won't look like that.
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  Because if that person is not going to work on themselves and
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  acknowledge that they have problems and issues that they
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  actually need to work on, it's not going to be that.
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  It's not going to be beneficial to you.
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  It's not going to look like that for you.
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  This is again, y'all. This is not me trying to hurt
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  y'all's feelings. This is me just trying to raise
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  awareness and let you know. Just, hey, look, this is the
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  information that I have. This is the information I've
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  cultivated over the last 6 1/2 years of therapy, the last
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  three, almost 3 1/2 years. What I thought you thought the
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  last 3 1/2 years of talking about this online and helping
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  damn near millions of people understand, heal and grow.
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  Like millions of people that you only have 300 and something
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  thousand on YouTube. I have millions of people who
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  follow me all on the on the platforms.
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  Y'all YouTube is like mine. What second?
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  Yeah, YouTube. My second logger is my phone.
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  I got almost 2 billion on Tiktok.
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  But here's the healthiness. Y'all here's the growth for you,
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  Growth for you. Just be safe, take care of
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  yourself and make sure to subscribe to the channel
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  between. This is out peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  You are a mental illness Rockstar and I appreciate you
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  for being here. If you haven't already, make
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  sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel and
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  watch another one of my videos on my playlist.
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  There's also a link available up here for you to purchase my
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  kids. But remember, it's not your
• 12:04
  fault on Amazon so check that out.
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  Thank you. I will see you in the next
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  video. Peace.