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07 - Mark Twain; his life and work. A biographical sketch by William M. Clemens · Mark Twain; his life and work. A biographical sketch

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  Speaker 1: This is chapter seven of Mark Twain, His Life and Work,
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  Speaker 1: a biographical sketch by William M. Clemens. This LibriVox recording
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  Speaker 1: is in the public domain. Chapter seven in England and Germany,
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  Speaker 1: read by John Greenman. In eighteen seventy two, Mark Twain
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  Speaker 1: sailed for England to arrange for the European publication of
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  Speaker 1: his works, and successfully securing Chatto and Windus as his
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  Speaker 1: English representatives and the publishing house of Tauchnitz at Leipzig
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  Speaker 1: as his continental agent. Already he was widely known and
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  Speaker 1: quoted in England and was a welcome guest. In speaking
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  Speaker 1: of his experience in London, he says, during my sojourn
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  Speaker 1: in smoky, dirty grand Old England, I received an invitation
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  Speaker 1: to attend a banquet there, and I went. It was
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  Speaker 1: one of those tremendous dinners where there are eight hundred
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  Speaker 1: to nine hundred invited guests. I hadn't been used to
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  Speaker 1: that sort of thing, and I didn't feel quite at home.
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  Speaker 1: When we took our seats at the table, I noticed
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  Speaker 1: that at each plate was a little plan of the hall,
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  Speaker 1: with the position of each guest numbered, so that one
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  Speaker 1: could see at a glance where a friend was seated
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  Speaker 1: by learning the number just before we fell to someone.
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  Speaker 1: The Lord mayor, or whoever was bossing the occasion, arose
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  Speaker 1: and began to read a list of those present. Number
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  Speaker 1: one Lord so and so, a number two, the Duke
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  Speaker 1: of something or other, and so on. When this individual
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  Speaker 1: the name of some prominent political character or literary celebrity,
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  Speaker 1: it would be greeted with more or less applause. The
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  Speaker 1: individual who was reading the names did so in so
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  Speaker 1: monotonous a manner that I became tired and began looking
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  Speaker 1: about for something to engage my attention. I found the
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  Speaker 1: gentleman next to me on the right, a well informed personage,
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  Speaker 1: and I entered into conversation with him. I had never
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  Speaker 1: seen him before, but he was a good talker and
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  Speaker 1: enjoyed it. Suddenly, just as he was giving his views
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  Speaker 1: upon the future religious aspect of Great Britain, our ears
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  Speaker 1: were assailed by a deafening storm of applause. Such a
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  Speaker 1: clapping of hands I never heard before. It sent the
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  Speaker 1: blood into my head with a rush, and I got
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  Speaker 1: terribly excited. I straightened up and commenced clapping my hands
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  Speaker 1: with all my might. I moved about in my chair
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  Speaker 1: and clapped harder and harder. Who is it? I asked
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  Speaker 1: the gentleman on my right, whose name did he read?
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  Speaker 1: Samuel L. Clemens? He answered, I stopped plauding. I didn't
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  Speaker 1: clap any more. It kind of took the life out
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  Speaker 1: of me, and I sat there like a mummy and
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  Speaker 1: didn't even get up and bow. It was one of
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  Speaker 1: the most distressing fixes I ever got into, and it
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  Speaker 1: will be many a day before I forget it. Mark
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  Speaker 1: lectured on various occasions in England with striking success. Reverend H. R. Hawse,
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  Speaker 1: who heard him at this time, writes, I heard him
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  Speaker 1: once at the Hanover Square rooms. The audience was not
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  Speaker 1: large nor very enthusiastic. I believe he would have been
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  Speaker 1: an increasing success had he stayed longer. We had not
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  Speaker 1: time to get accustomed to his peculiar way, and there
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  Speaker 1: was nothing to take us by storm. He came on
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  Speaker 1: the platform and stood quite alone. A little table with
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  Speaker 1: the traditional water bottle and tumbler was by his side.
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  Speaker 1: His appearance was not impressive, not very unlike the representation
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  Speaker 1: of him in the various pictures in his tramp abroad.
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  Speaker 1: He spoke more slowly than any other man I ever heard,
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  Speaker 1: and did not look at his audience quite enough. I
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  Speaker 1: do not think that he felt altogether at home with us,
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  Speaker 1: or we with him. We never laughed loud or long.
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  Speaker 1: We sat throughout expectant and on the kyvive, very well,
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  Speaker 1: interested and gently simmering with amusement. With the exception of
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  Speaker 1: one exquisite description of the old Magdalen Ivy covered collegiate
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  Speaker 1: buildings at Oxford University, I do not think there was
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  Speaker 1: one thing worth setting down in print. I got no
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  Speaker 1: information out of the lecture, and hardly a joke that
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  Speaker 1: would wear or a story that would bear repeating. There
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  Speaker 1: was a deal about the dismal lone silver Land, the
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  Speaker 1: story of the Mexican plug that bucked, and a duel
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  Speaker 1: which never came off, and another duel in which no
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  Speaker 1: one was injured. And we sat patiently enough through it,
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  Speaker 1: fancying that by and by the introduction would be over
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  Speaker 1: and the lecture would begin. When Twain suddenly made his
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  Speaker 1: bow and went off, it was over. I looked at
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  Speaker 1: my watch. I was never more taken back. I had
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  Speaker 1: been sitting there exactly an hour and twenty minutes. It
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  Speaker 1: seemed ten minutes at the outside. If you have ever
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  Speaker 1: tried to address a public meeting, you will know what
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  Speaker 1: this means. It means that Mark Twain is a consummate
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  Speaker 1: public speaker. If ever he chose to say anything, he
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  Speaker 1: would say it marvelously well. But in the art of
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  Speaker 1: saying nothing in an hour he surpasses our most accomplished
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  Speaker 1: parliamentary speakers. Mister Twain relates as one of the most
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  Speaker 1: harrowing experiences of his life a six hours ride across England.
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  Speaker 1: His fellow traveler, an Englishman, who, shortly after they started,
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  Speaker 1: drew forth the first volume of the English edition of
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  Speaker 1: Innocence Abroad from his pocket and calmly perused it from
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  Speaker 1: beginning to end without a smile. Then he drew forth
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  Speaker 1: the second volume and read it as solemnly as the first.
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  Speaker 1: Mark says he thought he should die, yet John Bull
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  Speaker 1: was probably enjoying it after his own undemonstrative style. Upon
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  Speaker 1: his return from England in eighteen seventy three, in conjunction
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  Speaker 1: with Charles Dudley Warner, Mark Twain issued his fourth book,
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  Speaker 1: The Gilded Age, which met with remarkable sale in this
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  Speaker 1: country and in Europe. In eighteen seventy six, there appeared
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  Speaker 1: the Atlantic Monthly that famous fragment Punch Brothers Punch with care.
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  Speaker 1: It had a curious origin. Early in April eighteen seventy five,
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  Speaker 1: the City Line of the New York and Harlem Railroad Company,
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  Speaker 1: having adopted the punch system, posted in the panels of
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  Speaker 1: their cars a card of information and instruction to conductors
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  Speaker 1: and passengers, both of whom were indirectly requested to watch
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  Speaker 1: the other. It read as follows. The conductor, when he
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  Speaker 1: receives a fair, must immediately punch in the presence of
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  Speaker 1: the passenger a blue trip slip for an eight cents fair,
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  Speaker 1: a buff trip slip for a sixth cents fair, a
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  Speaker 1: pink trip slip for a three cents fair for coupon
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  Speaker 1: and transfer tickets, punch the tickets. The poesy of the
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  Speaker 1: thing was discovered almost as immediately as the conductor immediately punched,
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  Speaker 1: and all sorts of jingles were accommodated to the measure.
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  Speaker 1: In September, the first poem appeared in print, and various
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  Speaker 1: versions appeared in the New York and Boston newspapers. In
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  Speaker 1: the January eighteen seventy sixth Atlantic Mark Twain's literary Nightmare
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  Speaker 1: appeared with the following version conductor, when you receive a
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  Speaker 1: fair punch in the presence of the pass, and Jair,
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  Speaker 1: A blue trip slip for an eight cent fare, a
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  Speaker 1: buff trip slip for a six cent fare, a pink
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  Speaker 1: trip slip for a three cent fare, Punch in the
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  Speaker 1: presence of the pass, and Jair chorus, Punch brothers, punch
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  Speaker 1: with care, Punch in the presence of the pass, and Jair,
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  Speaker 1: said Mark. I came across these jingling rhymes in a
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  Speaker 1: newspaper a little while ago and read them a couple
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  Speaker 1: of times. They took instant and entire possession of me.
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  Speaker 1: All through breakfast, they went whilsting through my brain, and
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  Speaker 1: when at last I rolled up my napkin, I could
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  Speaker 1: not tell whether I had eaten anything or not. I
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  Speaker 1: had carefully laid out my day's work the day before,
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  Speaker 1: a thrilling tragedy in the novel which I am writing.
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  Speaker 1: I went to my den to begin my deed of Blood.
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  Speaker 1: I took up my pen, but all I could get
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  Speaker 1: to say was punch in the presence of the pass
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  Speaker 1: and Jair. I fought hard for an hour, but it
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  Speaker 1: was useless. My head kept humming. A blue trip slip
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  Speaker 1: four and eight cent fair, a buff trip slip four,
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  Speaker 1: a six cent fair, and so on and so on.
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  Speaker 1: Without peace or respite, the day's work was ruined. I
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  Speaker 1: could see that plainly enough. I gave up and drifted
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  Speaker 1: down town, and presently discovered that my feet were keeping
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  Speaker 1: time to that relentless jingle. When I could stand it
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  Speaker 1: no longer, I altered my step, but it did no good.
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  Speaker 1: Those rhymes accommodated themselves to the new step and went
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  Speaker 1: on harassing me, just as before. I returned home and
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  Speaker 1: suffered all the afternoon, suffered all through an unconscious and
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  Speaker 1: unrefreshing dinner, suffered and cried and jingled all through the evening,
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  Speaker 1: went to bed and rolled, tossed, and jingled right along
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  Speaker 1: the same as ever. Got up at midnight frantic, and
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  Speaker 1: tried to read. But there was nothing visible upon the
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  Speaker 1: whirling page except punch punch, in the presence of the
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  Speaker 1: pass and jair. By sunrise, I was out of my mind,
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  Speaker 1: and everybody marveled and was distressed at the idiotic burden
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  Speaker 1: of my ravings. The literary nightmare awakened horse car poets
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  Speaker 1: throughout the world. Algernon Charles Swinburne in Las Revue de
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  Speaker 1: de Monde had a brief copy of French verses written
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  Speaker 1: with all his well known warmth and melody. Le chen
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  Speaker 1: de conte dicteiurre allah et de pay, the conducteur perseras
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  Speaker 1: en plain vu de voyageur coille rossois trois sous a
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  Speaker 1: coupon vert a, coupon jean pourci su se la fere
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  Speaker 1: a poor uissu said aunt, coupon coulais de rose en
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  Speaker 1: plair vus di voiger girl, don't perse sougnors ma'me frere
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  Speaker 1: toutain plain vieu devois yager ritzetera. The Western An enterprising
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  Speaker 1: Saint Louis magazine had a terrible attack and addressing Marco Twain,
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  Speaker 1: it came out in a Latin anthem with a following chorus,
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  Speaker 1: pungiti fratris, pungiti, pungitikun amore, bunghiti pro victore dile gensimi pungiti.
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  Speaker 1: A man who had just been reading the literary nightmare,
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  Speaker 1: said the Austin Vada Revelli stepped into a main street
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  Speaker 1: saloon muttering punch Brothers punch with care punch in the
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  Speaker 1: presence of the passeng chair. When a retired prize fighter,
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  Speaker 1: who was snoozing in a corner, got up and accosting
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  Speaker 1: the nightmare fellow demanded, whose ears are you going to punch?
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  Speaker 1: You bloody duffer. The other fellow tried to explain, but
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  Speaker 1: the fighter insisted that he the other fellow had said,
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  Speaker 1: punch brothers, punch with care, punched that big feller square
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  Speaker 1: in the ear. The Bridgeport standard man said, Mark Twain
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  Speaker 1: will sail for Europe on business in the spring, but
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  Speaker 1: if he plays any jokes on the captain there and
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  Speaker 1: don't come down with the red glare fare, the captain
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  Speaker 1: will probably rip and tear and punch him in the
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  Speaker 1: presence of the passengair. When The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
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  Speaker 1: appeared in eighteen seventy six, the fame of Mark Twain
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  Speaker 1: was universal. In this volume, he revealed the story of
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  Speaker 1: his boyhood days on the Mississippi and his pranks and
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  Speaker 1: adventures in the town of Hannibal. It was published as
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  Speaker 1: a book for boys and commanded an enormous sale, edition
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  Speaker 1: after edition being exhausted. In fact, Tom Sawyer sold better
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  Speaker 1: than any of his books, excepting Innocence Abroad. In the Meanwhile,
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  Speaker 1: the Gilded Age had been dramatized, and the production of
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  Speaker 1: the comedy on the American stage netted the author large
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  Speaker 1: sums of money. Injun Joe, one of the principal characters
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  Speaker 1: in Tom Sawyer, still lives at Hannibal, Missouri, and is
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  Speaker 1: one of the noted individuals of the town. He drives
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  Speaker 1: an old white horse and a red express wagon, borne
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  Speaker 1: down on one side from long and hard service. Joe
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  Speaker 1: hauls trunks from the depot and chores around with his
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  Speaker 1: horse and wagon. He loves a dollar more than anybody
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  Speaker 1: else in the town, and out of his meager earnings
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  Speaker 1: he has accumulated quite a fortune. He owns twelve tenement
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  Speaker 1: houses in Hannibal, ranging in value from five hundred dollars
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  Speaker 1: to a thousand dollars each. Yet from the clothes that
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  Speaker 1: he wears, one would naturally think that he would be
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  Speaker 1: constantly in dread of the ragman coming along and casting
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  Speaker 1: him into a sack of old iron and rags. A
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  Speaker 1: well known literary critic, in reviewing Tom Sawyer said, this
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  Speaker 1: literary wag has performed some services which entitle him to
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  Speaker 1: the gratitude of his generation. He has run the traditional
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  Speaker 1: Sunday school boy through his literary mangle and turned him out,
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  Speaker 1: washed and ironed into a proper state of flatness and collapse.
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  Speaker 1: That whining, canting, early dying, anemic creature was the nauseating
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  Speaker 1: model held up to the full blooded, mischievous lads of
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  Speaker 1: bygone years as worthy of their imitation. He poured his
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  Speaker 1: religious hypocrisy over every honest pleasure a boy had, He
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  Speaker 1: whined his lachrymos warnings on every playground. He vexed their lives.
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  Speaker 1: So when Mark grew old enough, he went gunning for him,
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  Speaker 1: and lo wherever his soul may be, the skin of
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  Speaker 1: the strumous young Pietist is now neatly tacked up to
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  Speaker 1: view on the Sunday school door of today as a warning,
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  Speaker 1: and the lads of today see no particular charm in
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  Speaker 1: a priggish hydropathical existence. In eighteen seventy seven appeared a
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  Speaker 1: volume of his complete sketches, which included most of his
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  Speaker 1: fugitive newspaper articles. In the following year, April eleventh, eighteen
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  Speaker 1: seventy eight, he sailed for Europe in the steamship Hulsatia.
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  Speaker 1: He was accompanied by his family, and after traveling in England,
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  Speaker 1: France and Switzerland, settled down to spend the summer in Germany.
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  Speaker 1: Here he obtained the materials for his famous book, A
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  Speaker 1: Tramp Abroad. In this volume, Harris Guide and Courier is
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  Speaker 1: introduced to the reader. Harris is not only invited to
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  Speaker 1: bow promiscuously, but is set on to talk to doubtful people,
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  Speaker 1: to entertain boores, and generally to be the butt of
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  Speaker 1: embarrassing situations. Mister Claremens made a minute study of the
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  Speaker 1: Germans their manners, habits, tastes and amusements. We all remember
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  Speaker 1: his treatment of the cases and gender in the German
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  Speaker 1: grammar mine gutend freeun minss guten freeund mynn gutten freeuned
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  Speaker 1: them and den and dem until one feels one might
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  Speaker 1: better go without friends in Germany than take all this
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  Speaker 1: trouble about them. What a bother, he cries, It is
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  Speaker 1: to decline a good male. But that is nothing to
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  Speaker 1: the trouble we are landed in by the female. Every
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  Speaker 1: man has a gender, and there is no sense or
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  Speaker 1: system in the distribution. In German. A young lady has
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  Speaker 1: no sex, while a turnip has. Thus, you say, Wilhelm,
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  Speaker 1: where is the turnip? She has gone to the kitchen
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  Speaker 1: where is the accomplished young lady. It has gone to
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  Speaker 1: the opera. Still better were his illustrations of the German fishwife,
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  Speaker 1: his argument with a raven, his adventures with a blue jay,
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  Speaker 1: and his perilous journey on the river raft were afterward
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  Speaker 1: exquisitely described in A Tramp Abroad, published in eighteen eighty.
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  Speaker 1: While on his return from Germany, he tarried in London
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  Speaker 1: and Glasgow, and while in the latter city, was elected
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  Speaker 1: a member of the Scottish Society of Literature and Art.
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  Speaker 1: End of chapter seven read by John Greenman.