Latest / Stuff Mom Never Told You / Happy Hour #28: You Can Be Happy, Cinnamon Roll!

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Happy Hour #28: You Can Be Happy, Cinnamon Roll! · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. I'm not going to Steph.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I never told you protection of I Heart Radio. It
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: is Thursday, which means it is time for another happy hour.
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: As always with these drink responsibly, um, if you choose
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: to do so. For today's drink, it has coffee in it,
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: and I'm breaking my two cups rule, so you're gonna
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: say one of the cups for this episode. I was.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: I did it. It's fair. You do what you need to.
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: I think it'll be okay. So today we're talking about
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: cinnamon rolls again, which you can go and find. I
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: believe it was my very first happy hour I did.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: It was about cinnamon rolls. The troope, um, where we
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: discussed this drink. But Samantha, do you want to describe
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: on the basics. Yes, I think we've described it before,
• 1:03
  Speaker 1: but essentially it is coffee and you get chocolate syrup
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: or hot chocolate powder, however you want to do it.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Mix it in that hot coffee, add a little dash
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: of cinnamon, so the cinnamon roll part, and then you
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: can use either creamer bailies or not, and add that
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: into there. A little bit of whiskey if you desire
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: to add a little more punch to it, whipped cream
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: on top, a little more cinnamon, and there you have
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: any cinnamon roll? Yes, And I am drinking mine out
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: of the cinnamon roll mug Samantha made me, which I adore.
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: I want to take it with me everywhere, but I'm
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: also very afraid it will break. So yeah. Also, it's
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: fifteen ounces. It's not your regular? Is that more or less?
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: That's more coffee cup. I'm gonna have a good day then, right,
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, not only did you add a little
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: more than your typical m so the three and then
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: some oh no, oh you're fine. Fine, Yes, I do
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: want to say. When I was checking out, one of
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: the women asked me what the whip cream was for
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: and I said, you know, it's just I'd like to
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: put it on coffee. And she acted like I was
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: a genius and was so excited to try it. And
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, yeah, I put it on tough coffee,
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: a little cit of it, and she was like, oh,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: has she never got to that Starbucks over there? They
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: always put cream on coffee. I'm confused. I think they
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: were just being nice. Also, why she was asking you
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: about whip cream? What are that was super personal and
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: be like, I have a date, it's a activity. I
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: have a friend coming over. That's all you say. I mean,
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: I wasn't looking to mess with the kind women checking
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: me out. I see where her head goes. I'm just saying,
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: that's such a weird question. I guess maybe they're just
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: being nice, but like, still, you're like, why you never
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: know what you're gonna get with things like a whipped cream?
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: That's true, she thought it was pie, so you know,
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: pretty innocent. Innocent. Um, speaking of innocent, what we're talking
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: about today is we're revisiting the idea of cinnamon rolls
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: again because I've been thinking a lot about this this
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: topic because obviously I love cinnamon rolls, which is the troupe,
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: which is essentially someone who's really innocent, who's really sweet,
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: really bright, like a light a damn sweetheart, as I
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: like to say, And I also like reading terribly sad
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: things about them and also writing terribly sad things happening
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: to them. And I keep finding myself shouting, um, you
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: can be happy, cinnamon role, let yourself be happy, And
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: once again I find that that says something about my self.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Trauma and self esteem and particularly in this case, happiness
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: and Samantha knows like you, along with a bunch of
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: my other friends, have been getting my fan fiction updates,
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: and this one in particular, where it's just like wreck
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: kick me so sad, and and the author it sounds
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: like yes. And I recently had one update where the
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: author was like, I'm going to split this chapter in
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: half because it's so sad and you're gonna want to
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: take a break in the middle, and I was like, dang, true. Correct.
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: But I've been thinking about this whole idea for me
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: when a lot of times in these stories and when
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: I write them, and I think when I would describe
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: them to you, you'd probably think that doesn't sound as
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: sad as what you've been making it out to be,
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: because it is really really sad, but it's not like
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: the level of crying I have done. And I think
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: part of that is it's something I really connect to
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: where the Cinnamon role doesn't feel like they deserve happiness
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: or that they are worthy of happiness. And there's something
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: about that level of insecurity and low self esteem that
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: I just connect to really strongly and I find absolutely heartbreaking.
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: And I think there is like a level two of selflessness,
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: like it's selfish to think of your own happiness, and
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: we've talked about how that's often weaponized against women in
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: particular and especially when it comes to raising children. But
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: that's something that comes up in a lot of these
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: two of like a key trade of the Cinnamon role
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: is they are selfless. But then when they do want
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: something for themselves, when I want them like you can
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: be happy, they think that that's bad or wrong and
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: they don't deserve it, and they'll feel guilty about being
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: happy about like staying in one place, are allowing themselves
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: to have happiness. And this is my favorite kind of tragedy,
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: even though it makes me so sad, is when you
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: could be happy, but you get in your own way,
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: or you believe you don't deserve it, and even though
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: people are trying to build you up and support you
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: and giving you all these options, you don't choose them
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: because you don't think you deserve it. And that's the
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: fan fiction that I've written that I've talked about. My
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: Quarantine Baby is five plus pages. That's essentially how it ends,
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: is like this really tragic deciding that it would be
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: better for yourself to suffer for like ever essentially to
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: help other people as opposed to letting yourself be happy.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: But yeah, and and this whole idea of like people
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: feeling that people are better off without you, that you
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: want to shrink and not bother anybody I've talked about
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: that's how I have operated, and I've like almost lost
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: friendships over it because people have misinterpreted it. And also
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: it can be very selfish because you're not thinking about
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: what the other person wants, or you don't believe them
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: when they say that they want to hang out with
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: you or that they want you in your lives. Can
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: be hard, Like we talked about that a lot to you,
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: for for any marginalized person, it can be hard to
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: tell yourself that you have self worth when there's so
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: many things telling you that you have no value. And
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: also like this whole idea of can you be happy
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: alone and if if you are, what does that say?
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: And feeling like you need someone to validate you and
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: your happiness, your existence, your legitimacy, Like that's not good either.
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: But I just find it interesting that that's what I've
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: been connecting to so strongly, and I feel like I'm
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: almost on a precipice submit. I feel like I like
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: I'm at a part of healing because I do I
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: want this fictional person to be happy. And I think that,
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: like we talked about in the original Cinnamon role one,
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: that's one of the things I think for me, at least,
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: the connection to trauma is this fictional person is much
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: easier in a lot of ways to connect to you
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: and to feel bad forward, to feel like it's not
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: their faults or x whit like this strong person went
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: through this and it wasn't I don't think it's their fault.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: Than it wasn't my fault either. And so like me
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: shouting at my computer, let yourself be happy, said, don't
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: know what you'd be happy? It does feel like a
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: step I've made, a step, you think. I think it's
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: funny because perhaps this is just like owning your own
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: self and having a moment of self flection of being
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: able to root for that mm before you were just
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: like this is Desolate's not gonna happen. Maybe yeah, yeah,
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: And I mean that's that's the saddest part for me
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: of a lot of this is that being as a
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: reader or as as a writer, in some case, like
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: it's cruel, but it's almost like you think you could
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: be happy while you're not going to be happy in
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: the aids. Yeah, which is terrible, but that is like
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: my favorite type of tragedy, which I know is weird
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: type of favorite type, but that is. But yeah, that
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: and there's this kind of the whole idea of being
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: afraid of your own happiness and letting yourself be happy.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: You've talked about the comparison game, and I feel like,
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: especially over the past few years that have been so
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: tough and dark, it is. It is hard. It feels
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: wrong to be happy or to let yourself be happy, right.
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: There's definitely guilt and being like, oh everything is okay.
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: I think we've talked about this before, where my friends
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: were all in upheaval and then I'm okay. It doesn't
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: feel natural, right because a I'm typically the one in
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: crisis or be being okay when everybody else is down.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: Doesn't feel like I'm being supportive for sure. Yeah. Yeah,
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: it's an odd aspect of human nature. It makes sense,
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: especially when you're an empathetic person that feeling happy or
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: feeling okay when other people aren't does somehow feel selfish
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: or guilty or wrong when it shouldn't, especially if you're
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: you're helping and supporting in ways that you can. But yeah,
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: that's that I feel. It's something I still struggle with
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: and almost like if I catch myself feeling happy, I'll
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: come up with reasons not to be happy sometimes or
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: or just feel like an extreme amount of guilt about it.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: And especially because I do live alone, and I'll just
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: get my head about, like what is any of my
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: existence even made? Um? It feels weird. Something else that
• 11:01
  Speaker 1: we've discussed before is especially I can't speak for other cultures,
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: but especially in the United States, I feel like there
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: is an air of like being happy. I don't know
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: how to word it exactly, but it's you should always
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: be striving for more, like you're never going to be
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: happy with what you have. You should always be pushing
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: for more. And if you're happy, that's almost like a
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: weak thing, like a weakness, like we know we kind
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: of have glorified pain and suffering or working or always
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: being stressed in an odd way, like kind of going
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: back to that whole workaholic thing or never taking a vacation.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: Here in the US, it's like we've turned happiness into
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: or admitting you need these spaces to be happy into
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: a weak thing, right. Contentment is not okay, that makes
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: you given up, yeah, exactly, and you can't really talk
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: about it, or or if you do, usually it's in
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: terms of like something you've accomplished, which is absolutely something
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: to be happy about and be pleased with it. I
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: feel like that's sort of the one area. And even
• 12:04
  Speaker 1: then sometimes people will be like, oh, she's bragging r
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: x y Z. I shouldn't have been talking about this,
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: and oh gosh, it's it's happy. Noess shouldn't be so
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: complicated that it is. In a lot of ways, of course,
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: there's also there's a difference between happiness and contentment and uh,
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: faking it yeah, and or trying to outdo someone and
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: outshine someone. There's always that too, that level of also
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: reading the room. Yes, that is very important, but it's
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: absolutely true. Very good point, very very good point. And
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: like I think again, during our really like time of
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: being just massive upheaval where we're all more connected than ever,
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: that can be harder than ever as well, because I'll
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: just get my head about, like I feel like I
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: can't post anything on social media because there's so much suffering,
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: which again there's a difference between like reading the room
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: and just shutting down completely, but yeah, that's definitely important
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: to this whole thing. And also, you know, happiness looks
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: different for different people, and and finding out what that
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: means to you can just be a whole thing. And
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: especially you know, as I've gone through like how do
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: I identify sexually and what does like my being being
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: happy in a relationship or not being in a relationship
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: looks like, and all of that stuff, I've been thinking
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: about it. And you can't be happy all the time,
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: of course, but it's it's this idea that I've been
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: too afraid to even let myself believe that's an option
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: to be happy, and and then the idea that maybe
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: I could be but I'm just too afraid to do
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: it or too afraid to fight for it, or whatever
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: it is. I'm making it sound like I'm is rule
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: all the time. But this is kind of what has
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: been going through my head as I'm like reading these
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: stories and connecting with them so hard and trying to
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: figure out why I'm connecting with them so hard and
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: why this is what I write, is that the people
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: that I write consistently don't let themselves be happy and
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: don't choose happiness. And so I've just been trying to
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: work through why that is and why that does resonate
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: with me so much, And I think, I think that's
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: good to think about. And I think a lot of
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: people have been thinking about what happiness really means to
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: them instead of like what they think it should be,
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: what they think it should look like. And obviously again
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: with the whole cinnamon roll trip, but I personally do
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: think a lot of trauma is involved in that whole thing.
• 14:44
  Speaker 1: And the idea is almost like they they go through
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: all this stuff and yet they are still this you know, beautiful, bright, happy, whatever, whatever, whatever,
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: But this is the one area where they can't The
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: trauma shines is that they have low self worth. They
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: can't be they can't allow themselves to be quote unquote
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: selfish or to choose something for them that they want
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: that would make them happy because they think they don't
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: deserve it because they haven't done enough or whatever. It is. Anyway, No,
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: I mean it could be I mean not necessarily about you,
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: but for a lot of people it could be. Also
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: the difference in seeing themselves in a more dramatic manner
• 15:25
  Speaker 1: than it is the reality. And so this was like, yes,
• 15:28
  Speaker 1: this is me, even though it's really not you, but
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: it could be had you been in this fantasy life.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: But also being that if you have a sadder, more
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: disposition that if you want to be a main character,
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: this would be the main character that you see yourself being.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: So there's a whole lot of reflection on that. Also
• 15:48
  Speaker 1: to note, for those of you who go into friendships
• 15:51
  Speaker 1: and relationships who for the most part, feel guilty about
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: being happy, there could be something to be said about
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: the relationships you're having in there. If they're not celebrating
• 16:01
  Speaker 1: with you, there's something wrong. There's there's a thing to
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: be able to, yes, commiserate together, but they should be
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: able to celebrate with you as well, So there should
• 16:10
  Speaker 1: be an even instead, even with the worst parts of
• 16:13
  Speaker 1: your day, you should be able to celebrate something. There's
• 16:16
  Speaker 1: something to be said to have someone in your corner
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: who sees you and bags you and is able to
• 16:23
  Speaker 1: encourage you even in the worst parts of the day.
• 16:25
  Speaker 1: So there's a lot to every that. Everything to that
• 16:29
  Speaker 1: if you only have friendships that only make you feel
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: guilty for being happy, there's something wrong with that friendship, Yes,
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: just to put that out there for sure, And I think,
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: I mean most of what I'm talking about is more
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: what I the whole you are not allowed, Like the
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: person in the relationship is like, let me help you,
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: and you're like no, because I don't deserve it. Right,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: But yes, Also if you do make that space and
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: the other person is making you feel guilty, then that's
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: a different thing. Not healthy. I mean, neither one is good, right,
• 16:58
  Speaker 1: like right, you need to figure out why that is,
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: do not think. I think more of that on social media,
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: where it's constantly how dare you? Yeah? Man, that becomes
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: a toxic level of like, but it's nice. It's okay
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: to have a moment of niceness, whether it's you got
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: to sit by yourself ensure. Yeah, we don't necessarily need
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: the Kim Kardashian renting out island during pandemic and be like,
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: look at how happy I am. We we don't that
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: that's not reading in the room. That's a different level.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: But saying I'm with someone and we're happy and we're
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: content making a bread, that's not a bad thing, right, Yes, Yes,
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: I mean find happiness where you can that doesn't hurt
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: other people and it's healthy. Absolutely, But as Samantha knows,
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: we're about to embark on a tragedy. Come from here
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: we go like my favorite my favorite thing obviously in
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: the fiction realm, not in the real world. But I
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: have been telling people about it and they're like, what
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: what are you doing. Basically, We're gonna watch a bunch
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: of sad things and eat a lot of soup. So
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: we're gonna be sad and then comforted lots of soup. People.
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: I love soup, so I'm very excited. Well listeners, As always,
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: we would love to hear from you. Cheers er, happy
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: happy hour. If you would like to emails, you can
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: or email Stuffy and mom Stuff at I heart mea
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: dot com. You can find us on Twitter at mom
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: Stuff Podcast or on Instagram at stuff one. Never Told You,
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: Thanks us, Alice, super producer, Christina, thank you and thanks
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: to you for listening Stuff Never told these protection. I
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