Latest / Authentic Living / Learn How Education Can Destigmatize Mental Health and Impact the ROR: Return On Relationships with Marla and Dave Thomas

Transcript

Learn How Education Can Destigmatize Mental Health and Impact the ROR: Return On Relationships with Marla and Dave Thomas · Authentic Living

• 0:01
  Welcome to authentic living with Roxanne, a place where we have as conversations about
• 0:08
  things that really matter in our lives.
• 0:11
  And now here's your host, Roxanne Derhodge.
• 0:36
  Hi, everyone.
• 0:37
  It's Roxanne Derhodge.
• 0:38
  Thanks for tuning in again to Authentic Living with Roxanne.
• 0:41
  Today, I have a I'm gonna say a pretty special couple that, I've been privileged that they
• 0:47
  would spend the time with me today.
• 0:50
  So it's Marla and Dave Thomas How are you today?
• 0:53
  We're good.
• 0:54
  Thank you, Roxanne, for having us.
• 0:56
  Well, you know, I was looking I'm always looking for unique guests And, my team was able
• 1:02
  to kind of connect with them on an interface that, we use, which is podcast guest, And why
• 1:08
  why do you think it's important?
• 1:11
  Oftentimes most people don't discuss mental health.
• 1:15
  And when you peep see people in the limelight, I think it's even more so that when you come
• 1:20
  forward and you share your experience, that helps that much more because you've got
• 1:24
  platforms.
• 1:25
  So I'm
• 1:26
  gonna tell you a little bit about them and why they're so unique in what they do.
• 1:31
  Marla, they're both are in different industry, Marla is a respected realtor, and a vocal
• 1:37
  mental health advocate, which is amazing.
• 1:39
  And Davis, we're now a musician, a 10 time Grammy Award winning group takes 6.
• 1:46
  They have 2 children and they deal with 7 different mental health diagnoses.
• 1:51
  That's that's a lot.
• 1:53
  One is a lot, but, you know, 7 of them You've been through a lot in your marriage and you've
• 1:59
  endured, you know, being in the the limelight.
• 2:02
  And, getting together today is ready to talk about, you know, just lives.
• 2:08
  And I would say that, you know, oftentimes first of all, I can tell you as someone that's,
• 2:15
  couples and family therapist, anybody above 7 years of marriage has hit, you know, a home
• 2:20
  run.
• 2:21
  And because today in this day and age, what we know is that a lot of people struggle without
• 2:26
  any concerns to stay married.
• 2:29
  At about 65%.
• 2:30
  And not that being said, I'm not trying to deter anybody that's married at present, but it
• 2:34
  takes a lot.
• 2:35
  It takes a lot.
• 2:36
  So we're gonna talk a little bit today about their lives and, you know, hear what they can
• 2:42
  share with us that we can learn about, being in the limelight, having a long term marriage, and
• 2:49
  also keeping their families together and keeping their kids healthy.
• 2:53
  So tell me a little bit about first of all, I always ask couples this when I meet them.
• 3:00
  How did you two meet?
• 3:02
  We met in 2nd grade, but before I say anything, I have to because this is important for the
• 3:07
  record.
• 3:07
  We are the parents of 3 children.
• 3:09
  You said Sorry.
• 3:10
  My apologies.
• 3:11
  Okay.
• 3:11
  We have 2 children who have mental health challenges that are noted, but our third does
• 3:15
  not.
• 3:16
  So we've got a thirty year old, a thirty four year old, and thirty six year old.
• 3:20
  Thank you
• 3:20
  for your time.
• 3:21
  The thirteen year old grandson.
• 3:22
  So I gotta give credit to all our little, you know
• 3:25
  Of course.
• 3:26
  Of course.
• 3:27
  You're gonna hear you.
• 3:28
  I'm probably gonna have to alter this if it shouldn't go out saying too.
• 3:31
  So thanks for telling
• 3:32
  me that.
• 3:32
  Oh, good.
• 3:33
  Awesome.
• 3:33
  I got too many stretch marks for training too.
• 3:37
  So, we met in 2nd grade.
• 3:40
  We were
• 3:41
  I was six years old.
• 3:42
  He was eight.
• 3:42
  I don't know why he was in the 2nd grade.
• 3:44
  I don't know why she said that.
• 3:46
  At the beginning of the year, I 7.
• 3:48
  Sorry.
• 3:48
  It's turning.
• 3:49
  Wait.
• 3:49
  But but, yes, for for for dramatic purposes, 6 and 8.
• 3:53
  Yes.
• 3:54
  Yeah.
• 3:54
  And he was driving he was driving carpool.
• 3:56
  Yeah.
• 3:57
  That was really weird.
• 3:58
  But, anyway, we were we were in 2nd grade.
• 4:00
  We met, at a small private school in Huntsville, Alabama.
• 4:05
  And then, you know, through the years, you know, once you get, you know, go through your
• 4:09
  little, you know, puberty and attraction stage and whatever.
• 4:13
  He and I, dated.
• 4:15
  Excuse me.
• 4:16
  We became, high school sweethearts, and then my parents got divorced and I was in the 10th
• 4:20
  grade.
• 4:21
  And I moved on to out back with my mother in California, which for me introduced a new
• 4:27
  relationship that ultimately produced a child, which he was unaware of.
• 4:30
  And but was determined in 10th grade that he we were gonna get married, and I was like, you're
• 4:35
  ridiculous.
• 4:35
  Don't be silly.
• 4:37
  And we did get back together when she was one.
• 4:40
  With a, very detrimental relationship that I had dissolved, and we got married, and we ended
• 4:47
  up having.
• 4:48
  So we've been married for 35 years.
• 4:50
  It'll be 36 in March.
• 4:53
  And right.
• 4:54
  Now we're the parents of 3 children that, you know, and and and we've raised He raised me.
• 4:59
  My daughter was 1 when we got married.
• 5:01
  Exactly.
• 5:03
  And then we had our son and our youngest daughter.
• 5:06
  And so right.
• 5:07
  So and right.
• 5:08
  My oldest daughter also is currently has our only grandson, but we are youngest daughter's
• 5:14
  also pregnant.
• 5:15
  So in 5 weeks time, we'll be we'll be meeting our 2nd grandson, and we're excited about that.
• 5:23
  And amazing, amazing expanding the family.
• 5:27
  Yeah.
• 5:27
  And I and I and, doc, I have to First of all, agree with you on one hand and then add another
• 5:34
  step in the ladder when you said if you make it past 7, you can cruise a little bit.
• 5:39
  I would dare say between 15 22, you're gonna hit another's rung in the ladder that you're
• 5:45
  gonna have to decide what are we actually doing here?
• 5:48
  And if
• 5:49
  you That's been proven, Dave, because every they figure every 5 to 7 years, approximately
• 5:56
  in a in a relationship, there's a new developmental stage where different things come
• 6:01
  about in the marriage.
• 6:03
  So it makes sense what you're saying.
• 6:04
  And I think a lot of couples, young couples, and I think this is what's important is a lot
• 6:09
  of couples think it's just gonna happen and they don't have to work.
• 6:14
  And in fact, you know, your stories, hopefully, will help young couples or couples that are you
• 6:20
  know, struggling, recognize some of the things that they might have to do.
• 6:24
  I say
• 6:24
  I say all the time, it I equate it to so you have a nice lawn that you looks well
• 6:31
  maintained.
• 6:32
  Now, stop dealing, stop maintaining it and see and see what happens.
• 6:34
  Does it get nicer?
• 6:36
  Does it does it just stay the way it is?
• 6:39
  After a while, it becomes a mess that you just you can't do it.
• 6:42
  And so anytime I hear someone say that they've been in the long term relationship.
• 6:46
  I understand struggle is already implicit in that statement and and not just struggle, but a
• 6:53
  commitment to Look at the struggle in an appropriate way to decide what's important and
• 6:59
  what am I willing to deal with in order to maintain this commitment.
• 7:04
  And a lot of times in our society today, you know, that is not value.
• 7:09
  I've worked with the backstreet boys, and I was talking to one of them, and he was you know, I
• 7:13
  was saying, ask the same question.
• 7:14
  You know, how did you stay, you know, in in a committed married relationship?
• 7:18
  He's he said way more success than I have.
• 7:21
  He said, you know, the funny thing about it is people don't ask, or take notice when your
• 7:28
  relationship is going just fine.
• 7:30
  It's only when the the entertainment industry actually focuses on problems that you're
• 7:35
  having, which tends to exacerbate the problem.
• 7:38
  So you know, kudos to him.
• 7:39
  He was able to keep his marriage sort of out of the out of the limelight by actually committing
• 7:45
  to staying committed in his relationship.
• 7:49
  So let's let's continue on that thing.
• 7:52
  You were on the road, you know, as a kind of a celebrity or in a band, how how did you make
• 8:00
  that work you know, now that you're saying that, obviously, you know, with celebrities, we
• 8:05
  often, you know, see people kind of going through marriage after marriage or they're, you
• 8:10
  know, 1 week they're together and next week they're not together next week, go back
• 8:13
  together.
• 8:14
  How did you two maintain that being
• 8:16
  in cycling, cycling for love.
• 8:19
  Cycling for love.
• 8:21
  Right.
• 8:21
  Well, the the issue for me well, here's what I'll say this.
• 8:24
  I'll say that on an individual basis that I understand several things inherently.
• 8:31
  Number 1, who you are and what you do are 2 totally different things.
• 8:38
  Period.
• 8:38
  It doesn't matter.
• 8:39
  And there are some leveling things that are kinda basic but true for me.
• 8:44
  Did you get born out of someone's uterus?
• 8:46
  Me too.
• 8:47
  Do you go to the bathroom?
• 8:49
  Me too?
• 8:50
  And so, therefore, that's a that's a level playing field in my mind for all of us.
• 8:55
  That means that you you don't have I don't own your judgment.
• 8:59
  And the more I and the more you're judging me, which is why I think we have issues we have
• 9:03
  now, you're judging people based on something in you that is not really realized.
• 9:12
  In other words, there's so much work I have to do on Marla I honestly don't have time to be
• 9:19
  consumed with the the the day the the and with enough energy, to hate your situation enough
• 9:28
  not knowing it to respond to it.
• 9:30
  So for me, I my thing is, okay, so This is where we are.
• 9:35
  It's not this that you see is what he has been accomplished.
• 9:40
  It doesn't speak to the person.
• 9:42
  That's there, a period.
• 9:44
  And so for me, you're gifted enough to do something that most people can appreciate, but
• 9:48
  here's the other thing I realized.
• 9:51
  When you encounter a human, we just encounter each other, right off the bat, whether I want
• 9:55
  to or not, subconsciously, I've gotten an impression of you.
• 9:59
  Absolutely.
• 10:00
  Period.
• 10:01
  We get an impression right off cuff, and you and I tell people, you could either turn
• 10:06
  somebody's head to the right or the left just a brief encounter.
• 10:09
  Everybody doesn't get into your heart.
• 10:11
  So but the reality is this is this is what happens when you live and you encounter life.
• 10:18
  And so I just it it's just super important for me for me to understand that about ourselves
• 10:25
  then you bring a different element of humanness, a humanity, a deep core package that
• 10:32
  we've all been given that we've we're working hard every day now to deny these basics,
• 10:38
  compassion, and, you know, sympathy, and respect morality.
• 10:43
  We we're working hard to just say they don't matter, but they do.
• 10:47
  And they're that's how great relationships are built because all of those things feed into
• 10:52
  respect, feed into communication, feed into, an acceptance and a healing.
• 10:59
  And I I would add to that, you know, I would like to say, that it is the fact that I value
• 11:06
  my family so much that it kept me in a place where I needed to be.
• 11:11
  But in reality, no one is trained.
• 11:14
  I don't think sufficiently.
• 11:15
  I mean, you take you gotta pass a test Got a study to get your driver's license.
• 11:19
  You gotta pass the test to become whatever profession usually you are if you're gonna be
• 11:24
  in the uh-uh professional world.
• 11:26
  You have to have you have to demonstrate your competency.
• 11:30
  But people have kids and and next thing you know, you're learning on the job.
• 11:34
  To the very the most important job that you can have.
• 11:39
  You haven't really been trained outside of the way that you were raised yourself.
• 11:44
  Sometimes that's great.
• 11:45
  Sometimes it isn't.
• 11:46
  Same thing with relationships.
• 11:48
  You know, a lot of times we we look at the basis of relationship as attraction.
• 11:54
  Well, anyone who's been married for successfully, whether successfully or not, if
• 12:00
  you've been in a committed relationship for a long time, You understand that that attraction.
• 12:05
  Matter of fact, the very things that used to attract you are the very things that make you
• 12:11
  the most upset after a while.
• 12:13
  You know?
• 12:14
  And and For sure.
• 12:15
  For sure.
• 12:16
  Those are the those are oftentimes where couples have the most conflict.
• 12:20
  Right?
• 12:21
  Absolutely.
• 12:21
  They're attracted to.
• 12:22
  They're like, oh, you're so going.
• 12:23
  And then it's like, oh my god.
• 12:25
  You never wanna stay home when you get.
• 12:26
  Exactly.
• 12:27
  Right?
• 12:28
  Or or you're so quiet.
• 12:29
  Oh my god.
• 12:29
  Speak up.
• 12:30
  Why don't you speak up?
• 12:31
  We're always trying to neutralize ourselves.
• 12:33
  That's a good point, Dave.
• 12:34
  We're always trying to figure out.
• 12:36
  So whatever our least dominant trait is within ourselves.
• 12:40
  We look for it in our partners.
• 12:41
  So absolutely that we get that equilibrium.
• 12:44
  Now for you, you're out there.
• 12:46
  You're doing things.
• 12:47
  You're getting the accolades.
• 12:49
  Leads and to to Robert's point, you're not defined by what you do.
• 12:53
  You you are a person, but then you go into, obviously, something that's revered, right?
• 13:00
  Being being in celebrity, being, blessed, I would say to be able to do what you do.
• 13:05
  How did you stay grounded when you came back home.
• 13:11
  What what kind was your did you have rituals?
• 13:14
  Was there certain things that you did as a couple to really kind of help me calm you down.
• 13:18
  Get my big needle that I used to is deflated there.
• 13:22
  So I
• 13:22
  don't hear someone.
• 13:23
  Well, you know, for me, I was raised in a large family and in a large family, you know, people
• 13:30
  have various talents.
• 13:32
  And those talents are just recognized for just what you said, what you do, not who you are.
• 13:38
  We're all just members of the family.
• 13:40
  And as well as I'll I'll I'll drop this little anecdote one time I was coming home off the
• 13:46
  road, been been going on tour for quite some time.
• 13:49
  And Marla had was running such a well oiled machine of the administration of the household,
• 13:58
  that, you know, she was just telling one of our kids to go do this, go get this, go such a
• 14:03
  Dave, you need to go out and you need to session such.
• 14:05
  And asked mom, I was like, wait a minute.
• 14:06
  Are you are you telling me what to do?
• 14:09
  And she basically said she handed it very well, which know, she could just say, absolutely, I
• 14:15
  am.
• 14:16
  Shut up.
• 14:16
  But what she said was is that, you know, you have to understand.
• 14:20
  And I understand as a man, how you like to perceive things.
• 14:24
  But what you have to understand is when you leave, there's no person wearing the skirt and
• 14:31
  another person wearing the pants.
• 14:33
  I'm wearing the skirt and the pants.
• 14:35
  And when you come home, if you come home for a
• 14:38
  week,
• 14:38
  after being gone for two and a half, three months, and then leave again for another 2
• 14:43
  months is inefficient for me to take off the pants and hand them to you because I have to
• 14:48
  spend all the time showing you how the household actually runs.
• 14:51
  You have no idea.
• 14:53
  So, you know, if you could do me a favor, and just fall back.
• 14:57
  And at first, I was like wait a minute.
• 15:03
  I'm not sure how to take that.
• 15:05
  But the more I thought about it, I was like, she's absolutely correct.
• 15:09
  And so, you know, a lot of times I would get, you know, joked by my friends, Oh, your wife
• 15:14
  wears the pants and the family.
• 15:15
  And I'm like, after a while, she kinda does, and she needs it.
• 15:21
  Right.
• 15:21
  And I think that's that's so important, right, because, of course, when you, you know, you we
• 15:25
  would wear our mails in a certain way.
• 15:27
  And I don't I know where having the equality, but at the end of the day, right, men need to
• 15:32
  feel like they they are, quote, unquote, taking care of their family.
• 15:36
  So the delivery that, you know, Mar Marla may have put this in.
• 15:40
  You, again, had to shuttle to accept that space to see, hey, honey.
• 15:45
  I understand what what you're saying.
• 15:47
  Instead of what?
• 15:48
  I'm not gonna listen to you.
• 15:49
  This is my house.
• 15:50
  So again, that's the subtleties, especially with newer couples, because they may have grown
• 15:56
  up, let's see, with traditional families.
• 15:57
  And now you have, you know, both of them are professionals or both of traveling or whatever.
• 16:03
  So they might use their parents as a as a a model in their head, and they're trying to kind
• 16:08
  of figure it out.
• 16:09
  And now it's not working for them.
• 16:10
  So and then clearly, you know, like your situation, I would think that this is
• 16:15
  completely new for both of you.
• 16:16
  You didn't grow up in a family when one person was gone.
• 16:19
  You may have grown up with family.
• 16:20
  You've
• 16:21
  ironically, and
• 16:22
  I I did.
• 16:23
  Marla,
• 16:24
  I I tell I tell people all the time.
• 16:26
  It was almost just ordained that we would be together because she was perfectly already
• 16:32
  suited for our lifestyle.
• 16:34
  Her dad was a professional baseball player.
• 16:35
  So during the baseball season, he wasn't home.
• 16:39
  So she was raised with this awareness that the dad doesn't always have to be here.
• 16:44
  At the same time, because of the way that she and her brother, sort of behaved, she also knew
• 16:52
  I can't let the kids get out of hand.
• 16:54
  Because all kids will take advantage of any they'll try to means it's our job when we're
• 17:00
  young to to see where the cracks and defense are to to try to make sure that those walls,
• 17:05
  those boundaries that our parents put up for our own sake, even when we don't understand it
• 17:11
  are necessary, there might be a crack.
• 17:13
  She was pretty good at making sure that there's I was raised in one of those families where,
• 17:18
  you know, if things got too deep, my mom's response was, okay, when your dad gets home,
• 17:24
  he's gonna have to handle this.
• 17:26
  And of course, now you're terror eyes for about, you know, 6 or 7 hours.
• 17:30
  So your dad gets home.
• 17:32
  But, you know, for for Marla, that wouldn't have worked because as she was raised that way,
• 17:37
  Her mom tried to say that from time to time, and she was like, well, that's not gonna be
• 17:41
  back for 3 months.
• 17:46
  Talk about it, Jim.
• 17:47
  And so she understood all of that, and she was like, no, my kids aren't gonna be able to do
• 17:51
  that.
• 17:52
  By the way, Shout out to to Canada, and my dad is one of his last his in his his coaching
• 17:59
  career.
• 18:00
  My dad was with your final ed with the expos team.
• 18:03
  Oh, wow.
• 18:04
  It's amazing.
• 18:06
  Yeah.
• 18:06
  Exactly.
• 18:07
  Awesome.
• 18:08
  Awesome.
• 18:08
  So if you can you're talking.
• 18:10
  We're talking about I often see the people A lot of times, it's values alignment.
• 18:16
  I don't know if that makes sense.
• 18:17
  Right?
• 18:17
  You have to be aligned as a couple, and I want you to give your perspective I can give it as
• 18:23
  mine, but when you think of values or things that kept keeps you to connected, What are some
• 18:30
  of the core fundamental things that are the at the at the foundation of
• 18:34
  keeping the this marriage
• 18:34
  solid and strong?
• 18:34
  I'm sure it It's repo wobbled over the years.
• 18:41
  But No.
• 18:42
  They haven't.
• 18:43
  To be honest, our tenants have been the same as the day we met.
• 18:47
  The number one tenant on the table for Marla and Dave and Dave and Marla would be
• 18:52
  selflessness.
• 18:53
  We are both equally selfless beings, and we both understood the the hierarchy or the
• 19:00
  priority for our personal cells, which we shared collected with as a couple, and our
• 19:06
  children ruled.
• 19:07
  Meaning, they didn't rule our house and as far as running a monk, but they were our priority
• 19:12
  to the point that nothing in this world that we ever accomplished tried to achieve.
• 19:14
  Nothing.
• 19:14
  Nothing.
• 19:14
  Nothing.
• 19:19
  Was above our our dedication
• 19:20
  to the unconditional love and
• 19:20
  sacrifice of whatever they needed based on who they were.
• 19:27
  Not what we were trying to make them.
• 19:29
  Ironically, this is a this is a great truth to that.
• 19:33
  All three of our kids can sing they're crazy talented in music, stupid talent.
• 19:39
  And I said, ironic because my oldest daughter does that's not her biological father, but even
• 19:43
  Moniece is super talented.
• 19:46
  And yet never ever was that something that we drove, but whatever they wanted to do in life
• 19:54
  based on my upbringing and what didn't happen for me, I was we were
• 19:59
  that was a goal to get behind it.
• 19:59
  So our our youngest can sing anyone.
• 20:05
  Matter of fact, we, this is this is a true story.
• 20:07
  I was just getting my hair done, and they were talking about somebody notable in music.
• 20:12
  And I was like, what?
• 20:13
  That's your top 5, really, with all the people that can I said I put a $100 on the table right
• 20:18
  now that my daughter, the baby, no one's ever heard of her?
• 20:22
  Can out sing this make mega celebrity person.
• 20:26
  And I put on a song, and they thought it was coming from the TV.
• 20:30
  They were like, wait, what?
• 20:32
  And so the I'm making is, but she wanted to do new she went to Syracuse.
• 20:36
  She got a formal education.
• 20:37
  She's a
• 20:38
  news producer.
• 20:39
  In other words, if it's not for you, sweetie, it's not for me.
• 20:42
  She was an actress when she was young.
• 20:45
  So what I'm saying is that that's where we have the same shared value system as people
• 20:51
  first, and I have to say that to
• 20:51
  your audience.
• 20:51
  We didn't try to align ourselves.
• 20:58
  So what do you think we should do?
• 20:59
  What do you think we should be?
• 21:01
  I was already this person.
• 21:04
  This little person, as a little person.
• 21:07
  Like, I was already the person who who stared out the window at eight years old in the car
• 21:12
  with my mother in an upper middle class town, with the one homeless person that was there.
• 21:16
  And as we stopped and the lights said, how come we're out there?
• 21:19
  They have to have somebody.
• 21:20
  There's gotta be families somewhere.
• 21:22
  Like that was just my niece, so understanding who you are.
• 21:28
  And then, you know, one of the things I say about Dave why it worked most importantly.
• 21:33
  I did have a baby coming into our relationship as as permanent, meaning we've been in and out.
• 21:39
  But He was flying home from a trip to Europe on on in an international Texas tour, and he said,
• 21:47
  well, I'm gonna fly in Washington first.
• 21:50
  We were dating.
• 21:51
  We were not married.
• 21:52
  I said, what?
• 21:52
  What do you think you're finding in Washington first?
• 21:55
  He goes, see, I'm my I'm I'm a see my nieces and my nephews, and one of my nephews wants me
• 22:00
  to wants to ride back to Huntsville with me so he can spend time with his cousins.
• 22:04
  And I was like, now, so he said, I'm gonna go spend some time and then drive in with them.
• 22:10
  You know what I thought?
• 22:11
  Not I can't believe he's not spending time with me.
• 22:14
  I thought, man, that is a bionic.
• 22:16
  These aren't even his kids.
• 22:18
  He's he's 22.
• 22:20
  But his nephews and nieces loved him, like, they were like, he was their dad.
• 22:24
  And so he literally took that time, and I thought, character.
• 22:30
  That's character.
• 22:31
  Like, now I don't have to I even though I've known you've grown up, now in this stage, I
• 22:35
  don't have to be scared of what you will or will not be to my daughter.
• 22:40
  Because other than that, that's for me as a mother that was super important.
• 22:44
  And and I say this almost in reverse.
• 22:47
  To the initial question that you asked before before I even do that, I'll say, that's one of
• 22:51
  Marla's, I would say her super powers is a strange innocent naivety, childlike innocence
• 23:00
  that she's been able to maintain throughout her entire life.
• 23:02
  It it it informs her sense of judgment, her sense of morality, her sense of everything
• 23:10
  that's right and wrong.
• 23:11
  If it's unfair, I don't care who would is.
• 23:14
  You could be the most important person if you're treating somebody unfairly.
• 23:18
  She doesn't appreciate it, and she's gonna let you know.
• 23:21
  That's the first thing.
• 23:22
  But I will say to your initial question, you know, almost in reverse, a lot of times people
• 23:27
  think about, you know, what do we have in common?
• 23:30
  It's not the actual things that you do and the things that you like to do that you have in
• 23:35
  common that actually matter.
• 23:37
  I think you hit the nail on the head.
• 23:39
  It's your value system.
• 23:41
  Does family come first?
• 23:42
  Does commitment?
• 23:43
  Does friendship actually matter more than attraction?
• 23:46
  All those things are important and and to and to understand I was, you know, lucky enough to
• 23:53
  have a dad who was also a psychotherapist.
• 23:56
  So, you know, I should say lucky or unlucky because I've been
• 24:00
  That's on who you talk to.
• 24:01
  You talk to my son.
• 24:02
  He's like, he says, oh, boy.
• 24:04
  We're in the car.
• 24:05
  You will
• 24:07
  Yes.
• 24:07
  As he's learning new new techniques and stuff, of course, we're the guinea pigs.
• 24:11
  Matter of fact, I just finished a very intensive disc assessment, and I'm sure you're
• 24:16
  aware of that.
• 24:17
  But I I'm still learning more about myself every day, and I and what I started to realize
• 24:22
  is that not only do I have the normal middle tendencies that needs to be appreciated, so to
• 24:29
  speak, that's part of my personality as well.
• 24:32
  I need to be appreciated.
• 24:34
  And I also need to have the security of understanding that when we're going through an
• 24:39
  issue, when we're dealing with something that, you know, one of us perceives as negative and
• 24:44
  we have to deal with it.
• 24:46
  But as long as I can feel that it's not going to diminish the value of our relationship.
• 24:53
  We can deal with it.
• 24:54
  Once I feel like the relationship is on the line, it becomes more difficult for me to deal
• 24:59
  Absolutely.
• 24:59
  And I think what happens to a lot of couples is, you know, they they they pull rice and they
• 25:06
  forget what it takes to make the other person feel safe.
• 25:09
  Right?
• 25:09
  And then what happens is instead of kind of leaning in, all all you need is one person to
• 25:14
  lean in.
• 25:14
  But ideally, if you have both people recognizing, hey, what does Marla need to be
• 25:19
  safe?
• 25:20
  And what does Dave need to be safe?
• 25:22
  Then what happens is that I often say it's like a figure 8 You always have that cross section
• 25:27
  where you are able to have diff big disagreements, small disagreements, but not you
• 25:33
  know, have these what I call demon dialogues where you're cutting the other person off to
• 25:38
  such a point where you can't repair it.
• 25:40
  And unfortunately, a lot of people don't have the skills.
• 25:44
  They don't learn the skills.
• 25:45
  Unfortunately, they may not have been as lucky as you, where you're able to kind of stay
• 25:51
  centered on your values.
• 25:54
  And that, you know, and then, you know, in this day and age, it's kinda it's not working well.
• 25:57
  Let's go.
• 25:58
  You know, so I think it's it's really people just learning some basics as you know, learning
• 26:04
  to understand kind of who is the other person truly to your point And when, you know, when
• 26:10
  the honeymoon and, you know, stage is over, do you really like that person?
• 26:15
  I think that's what, that what that's what doesn't get taught, unfortunately.
• 26:20
  And it's our society day.
• 26:22
  It's more about the, you know, the, you know, opulent weddings and the the, you know, the you
• 26:27
  know, where they're going on the honeymoon and, you know, the venue.
• 26:31
  And then, you know, a month later when the rubber hits the road, it's kinda like, oh, boy,
• 26:36
  now this is real life.
• 26:37
  Now now what do we do?
• 26:38
  We have to get off being on the social media platforms and stuff like that.
• 26:42
  So I think you know, I say I think you're so right when you say it's that commonality, that
• 26:47
  bond of putting your children first that clearly, you know, helped you, you know, paid
• 26:51
  that way.
• 26:52
  So let's talk a little bit about mental health.
• 26:56
  And, you know, when you found out, what was that like?
• 27:02
  What did you do?
• 27:04
  And, you know, and, of course, I know you you continue to do a lot today.
• 27:10
  With mental health.
• 27:10
  But tell me a little bit about how you found out and what what you've been dealing with.
• 27:15
  I will say there's any parent that I'm gonna speak strictly right now from a parent
• 27:19
  perspective.
• 27:20
  Any parent who, deals with mental illness in their adult children, this was this is not a
• 27:28
  new revelation.
• 27:29
  There are things that have been happening throughout this child's entire life that you
• 27:34
  may not have been able to put in the box.
• 27:35
  Older children, not just one.
• 27:37
  Right.
• 27:37
  Do you may not have been able to put it in a box?
• 27:39
  That you knew that the behavior was extreme or different or outside of normal growing, arcs
• 27:43
  and and and Development.
• 27:51
  When we first actually found out formally, for our son, he has full diagnosis when we really
• 27:57
  could put a grip on that 23 for for our daughter, Moniece.
• 28:01
  She was 21.
• 28:02
  I'm almost
• 28:03
  What was your son's diagnosis?
• 28:05
  My son's diagnosis is bipolar 1 with schitzel affected.
• 28:08
  And Monique had multiple diagnosis, depression, anxiety, borderline personality, but I have to
• 28:16
  give a caveat here.
• 28:18
  We usually don't talk about her diagnosis as openly as we talk about his on purpose because
• 28:24
  she sees this as an attack She sees this as a deficit.
• 28:27
  She sees it as a negative, and I'm gonna explain why I say it.
• 28:31
  And I and and to be honest, we've, you know, in several interviews, you're the only person I've
• 28:35
  said it with, and I'm only saying to you because I'm your psychologist, to be honest.
• 28:41
  I find that it it pushes me it pushes me as her mother to pray that it brings compassion
• 28:50
  because if you keep behaving the way you're behaving as an adult, and you expect this
• 28:56
  behavior.
• 28:58
  To be received as norm, there will be no there's no compassion.
• 29:03
  But if you understand that she has a different psychological issue, then I'm hoping to spark
• 29:10
  compassion beyond what I can personally bring in control because she is public.
• 29:16
  And so that's my prayer that you won't respond to it.
• 29:19
  It's a scary thing, to be honest.
• 29:21
  I'm a frightened mom knowing that we understand and withstand the disrespect, all the things
• 29:29
  that are triggering and sparking to most people but yet as a thirty six year old woman who is
• 29:36
  doing these things, if I can get someone to to understand, and I'll give you a a a true
• 29:42
  antidote.
• 29:44
  You know, some of the behaviors have been so damaging And at one point in in our lives, she
• 29:50
  had a friend that, you know, she's in and out with with people all the time.
• 29:55
  Bridges are always on fire.
• 29:57
  And this bridge had been burned and the and the young lady.
• 30:01
  My daughter said to this young lady, you know, unfortunately, her daughter, her child had
• 30:05
  passed, in a car accident, and the car seat wasn't was, you know, not properly fitted.
• 30:12
  And the young lady's lost her two year old, and my child said, you know, you your baby died
• 30:17
  because you didn't you didn't deserve to be a mom.
• 30:20
  And, you know, and the girl called me, to inform me, I have a lot of respect to you, and
• 30:26
  I'm like, you know, I'm I'm a kill your child.
• 30:28
  I'm a kill it.
• 30:28
  When I see it when I find her, I'm like, this was so happy.
• 30:31
  And what I said to this young lady is, Listen, I'm a mom.
• 30:34
  I understand fully what you're saying.
• 30:38
  I said, however, I want you to think for a minute about your own life.
• 30:43
  Because even if you find it justified emotionally, it's still a crime.
• 30:48
  And do you wanna lose your life?
• 30:49
  Is she worth that for you?
• 30:52
  And so that's kinda what I'm really saying.
• 30:54
  What I'm saying is there's things that I have to consider that are so much bigger then the
• 31:00
  obvious also to protect her from herself.
• 31:05
  So she doesn't like this diagnosis.
• 31:07
  Which is the last diagnosis, David, I got.
• 31:09
  If there's something else that's been added under that, I can tell you what we what we know
• 31:12
  professionally as we have invested in our children to get answers to help them.
• 31:17
  Manage their own selves.
• 31:19
  So and I understand her.
• 31:22
  I I defend the fact that I get why she doesn't want that.
• 31:26
  Because certain things are not there.
• 31:28
  They're so stigmatized that it it, you know, it causes a, you know, get away from me factor
• 31:35
  where some things are somewhat now slowly embraced.
• 31:37
  Anxiety and depression are the darling.
• 31:40
  That's been yeah.
• 31:40
  That's almost normative now, but we're like, shorter
• 31:43
  or the line personality Yeah.
• 31:45
  Speaking, bipolar, those things that things schizophrenia, things that are
• 31:50
  Those things sound scary to the general public.
• 31:52
  And they don't have
• 31:53
  the education.
• 31:54
  By their behavior.
• 31:55
  It's frightening.
• 31:56
  You know, when you look at border lines, I know, like, the the one of the characters on,
• 32:03
  the the hit back in the day, fatal attraction.
• 32:03
  That personality base was based on that.
• 32:09
  Well, that's a scary thing to consider.
• 32:11
  You understand what I'm saying?
• 32:13
  So in other words, to say on this, and you also don't have a sense self, and this is your whole
• 32:17
  identity.
• 32:18
  So in Monisa's in Monisa's defense, I understand why she's not so readily able, aside
• 32:22
  with the fact she has you know, these issues to say, hey, guess what?
• 32:28
  I'm also this.
• 32:30
  Right.
• 32:30
  And and and I think that's a good point.
• 32:32
  Right?
• 32:32
  Like, they are even as myself, knowing what someone's diagnosis are, what I would say is,
• 32:38
  okay, this is, yeah, you're you're struggle with this, but this is not who you are.
• 32:43
  This is what you're coping with.
• 32:45
  And as a family, clearly, you have to learn how to deal with it.
• 32:50
  You know, to affect create the place of safety for her as she's not feeling what she, you
• 32:55
  know, she might take some actions in trying to help her get the right support obviously is is
• 33:01
  important.
• 33:02
  Right?
• 33:02
  And I think that's what it is.
• 33:04
  With my someone like myself that's done the work, you recognize it.
• 33:08
  It's it's ultimately about connection.
• 33:10
  It's a we're creating safety for them.
• 33:12
  And, you know, it's like a diabetic that says, no.
• 33:16
  I won't take my medication.
• 33:18
  You can say You're not gonna not take your medications.
• 33:20
  It's the same thing.
• 33:21
  And I think, you know, I often say, picking the field that I've been in this field since I was
• 33:25
  21.
• 33:26
  I would say that I would love the day when we can go to, a psychologist or a
• 33:33
  psychotherapist's office and all sit in the waiting room, waiting our term, like we do a
• 33:37
  physician.
• 33:38
  Right.
• 33:38
  Because because that will eventually mean that we've all accepted that our bodies and our
• 33:42
  minds and our brains are 1.
• 33:44
  And truly, they are but we're so like, oh, it's it's secretive.
• 33:49
  We can't say what address we have.
• 33:51
  We can have
• 33:53
  I'm in the law.
• 33:54
  We exit out the facts.
• 33:55
  You never seen by the next person.
• 33:57
  That's a fact.
• 33:57
  That's a good one.
• 33:58
  Exactly.
• 33:58
  But I think, you know, now that we're recognizing and we can learn so much from the
• 34:02
  east around, you know, our our brain and our mind and 1 in the same as our body.
• 34:08
  And we have to We need to educate people about, we can't separate one from the other.
• 34:14
  Right?
• 34:14
  We have to accept that
• 34:15
  these are things that
• 34:17
  are they're treatable with the right kind of support, with the right kind of learning so
• 34:23
  that the average person out there doesn't say, oh, I I'm afraid.
• 34:27
  Right.
• 34:27
  And I I always say that I'm looking forward to the day when things are so destigmatized that
• 34:32
  just like you go you don't you go to the dentist whether you need to go through the
• 34:38
  dentist or not.
• 34:40
  It's prevented.
• 34:40
  You go to make sure that you're maintaining your oral health.
• 34:44
  Sometimes with the checkup, especially when you're younger, you go to the doctor to make
• 34:49
  sure that you're developing properly.
• 34:51
  Why don't we go to our therapist to make sure that we are seeing the world in the proper
• 34:56
  perspective and to maybe potentially if need be to recognize that this person is not saying the
• 35:03
  world the way the consensus norm is, and we might need to make some adjustments there.
• 35:08
  These things need to be so normative that it's something that we can almost take for granted.
• 35:13
  And, you know, unfortunately, we're not there yet.
• 35:16
  And so we we are forced with in various ways trying to force the issue and force people to
• 35:24
  understand sometimes, you know, where Sometimes it doesn't.
• 35:27
  Sometimes it feels cumbersome.
• 35:29
  Sometimes it feels like a struggle.
• 35:31
  Sometimes it always feels like a struggle, but Sometimes it you have to question yourself, why
• 35:36
  am I putting myself through this?
• 35:38
  Right.
• 35:39
  Because, you know, for my wife, she's received death threats just in, you know, just from
• 35:46
  being on loving hip hop and the way that she's interacted with and and and the key is I don't
• 35:52
  know anyone who had someone that they loved that they would not be willing to continue to
• 36:01
  try to get to a successful result for a successful outcome for that person and for your
• 36:05
  relationship.
• 36:06
  We're to the point now where even if our children do not if they can get the help that
• 36:11
  they need and they choose not to deal with us, we prefer you to get the help that you need.
• 36:16
  The issue is you're the most important thing to us and it's starting to feel like that that
• 36:23
  value system in America and and is diminishing, and I'm trying to figure out how can we get
• 36:28
  back to that?
• 36:29
  Well, you know, I may be as basic as they come, but I I also I go back to I think it's all
• 36:34
  about love.
• 36:35
  And us just going back to that core fundamental, like, when Marla said, you know,
• 36:40
  having that anchor within yourself, to realize that we're all different.
• 36:45
  None of us had, you know, came from ideal, perfect, upbringings where we had, you know,
• 36:50
  everything optimally available to us.
• 36:53
  Like, I grew up in a family that was a a not a a good, marriage.
• 36:57
  Parents did the best they could.
• 36:59
  Of course, you're gonna have shrapnel associated with things that have happened.
• 37:03
  But, you know, and I think if we look at that and say, you know, you know, there's mental
• 37:08
  stress all the way to up to mental health.
• 37:10
  And, you know, any of us can get to that point.
• 37:13
  Right?
• 37:13
  And when you see Right.
• 37:15
  That's spectrum.
• 37:16
  And especially if you're not supporting people, getting them the right kind of, help like DBT,
• 37:22
  you know, or different kinds of, supports for mental health, the correct medications, you
• 37:28
  know, different kinds of interactional groups, then what we're doing as a society is we're not
• 37:33
  we're not being kind and gentle to everybody that needs that support.
• 37:38
  And if we look at it, it's on things are on the rise.
• 37:41
  So if we don't start to look at what we need to do as a society, we're gonna we're all
• 37:47
  ultimately gonna grow that problem.
• 37:50
  Yeah.
• 37:50
  I
• 37:50
  mean Well, not ultimately.
• 37:52
  We're there.
• 37:52
  Yeah.
• 37:52
  We're we're at the point now where we're starting to see more things that by this than
• 37:56
  more things that can bring us together.
• 37:58
  And that division builds its own stress to where there's almost uh-uh a group PTSD that is
• 38:06
  happening right in front of our eyes that's a ball rolling downhill that we can't seem to
• 38:12
  stop as we recognize and see it happening right in front of our faces.
• 38:16
  And so for us, you know, there's a strength that is needed when you talk when you say that,
• 38:22
  you know, it all comes back to love.
• 38:25
  You know, sometimes love requires more strength than to be reactive in a situation.
• 38:31
  Sometimes to not react in the way that the person is trying to get that interaction from
• 38:37
  you, that negative interaction, and to still be loving.
• 38:40
  You're putting your pride on the line.
• 38:42
  You're putting your you what people perceive as your as your self worth on the line.
• 38:47
  You're putting everything on the line to maintain this fact that I believe that love is
• 38:52
  more important in this division.
• 38:54
  And, you know, we that we need help in that area.
• 38:59
  As far as the society, our society is concerned.
• 39:01
  As far as the organization that you work with, when I was reading your bio, tell me a little
• 39:07
  bit about it and you know, how you help and for anybody listening that, you know, in what way
• 39:14
  they could support the organization or to move the needle forward.
• 39:18
  I often say we have to have more conscious conversations.
• 39:21
  We have to talk about bipolar.
• 39:23
  We have to talk about borderline.
• 39:25
  We have to talk about anxiety.
• 39:26
  We have to talk about depression.
• 39:28
  We have to talk about as parents, you know, what you should and shouldn't do.
• 39:32
  So tell me a little bit about, the organization and, how people regard us of where they are,
• 39:38
  how they might be able to assist in any way.
• 39:41
  So you pretty much hit on all the topics.
• 39:43
  All the all the focuses of what we do.
• 39:47
  Loving beyond reason is an organization designed to help support families like ours,
• 39:52
  which is loving your adult children and assisting them beyond what other people feel is
• 39:59
  reasonable.
• 40:00
  Because the system doesn't even think it's reasonable because they don't offer you any
• 40:03
  support pass 18.
• 40:04
  They don't offer you any resources pass 18.
• 40:07
  Without that person buying in and even still is not complete.
• 40:12
  So what we realized is we've been an intact family.
• 40:14
  We've done nothing but we love our children yet.
• 40:17
  We're here.
• 40:18
  And that doesn't make us different.
• 40:19
  It makes me like everyone else understand me that this is I would never have imagined it.
• 40:25
  I would never wish this on my worst enemy.
• 40:27
  I don't want anybody else in this club.
• 40:29
  This club is awful.
• 40:30
  It's a club of heartbreak.
• 40:31
  It's a club of pain.
• 40:34
  We are a donation based organization, and there's several initiatives, but the main
• 40:39
  initiative we have for our organization is that we're are David and are attempting to start our
• 40:45
  first hoping to franchise ultimately, but our first loving beyond reason transition home,
• 40:50
  which will offer a step down residency to those who are in crisis who come out of the hospital
• 40:56
  because right now, there's a lot of boarding cares and most that we've encountered through
• 41:01
  our experience directly with our son are the are the worst Abysmal.
• 41:06
  Here's the thing.
• 41:07
  They're unregulated.
• 41:08
  So, you know, if people are getting money from the government, and not actually using that
• 41:12
  money to implement the sufficient service
• 41:15
  Correct.
• 41:15
  To the clientele.
• 41:16
  And so, you know, you you you you get picked up by the police luckily, we're getting a little
• 41:22
  bit better at trans, you know, taking that person and not making them a criminal and get
• 41:27
  them some mental health health But at that time, they go to the hospital.
• 41:32
  The doctor might say I need you on a a a 5150 or a a 5250 or a 5152.
• 41:39
  And, you know, that because I I think this person needs at least 2 weeks of the medication
• 41:45
  to be titrated through the system so
• 41:46
  they can stabilize
• 41:47
  before they can be stabilized.
• 41:49
  But our health insurance system has not actually caught up here in the United States.
• 41:53
  Here in Canada, things might be a little bit different.
• 41:55
  Let us say let us say California.
• 41:57
  Yeah.
• 41:57
  So, you know, because of that, and specifically Florida and California, and for very various
• 42:03
  reasons, I'm sure Marla will get into in a minute, But before you can get to that 2 weeks
• 42:08
  of stabilization, the insurance cuts off at 6 days.
• 42:11
  So you're back out on the street.
• 42:13
  That's when you have to
• 42:14
  And you're not ready because you don't
• 42:16
  you don't have the
• 42:17
  skills yet.
• 42:18
  Matter of fact, you're worse than before you went in, be us now you you're starting to see a
• 42:24
  little bit of something, but at the same time, you felt like you've been mistreated.
• 42:28
  So now you have a uh-uh-uh on top of the issues that you were dealing with a bit of PTSD, you
• 42:34
  know, slipping in there because you feel like you've been violated.
• 42:38
  Against your will.
• 42:39
  And so that's when you go to these step down programs that are unregulated, these boarding
• 42:44
  cares, and we haven't had a good you know, we haven't had a good experience in that.
• 42:48
  Yes.
• 42:48
  So we've her mom who used to run the the VA for Southern California, chief of nurses, as well
• 42:59
  as she had a site with a foundation in psychiatric nursing.
• 43:04
  She designed a a program for us that we could implement in our, you know, soon to be the
• 43:09
  first living beyond reason home.
• 43:11
  Where we can actually put some of the things in place that will take care of and nurture these
• 43:16
  people back to good health.
• 43:17
  And even if they don't have the chance to leave, we're not ready they can stay as long as
• 43:21
  they want.
• 43:22
  It doesn't have to be insurance based.
• 43:24
  It doesn't have to be the fact that you can pay.
• 43:27
  We need you to be stable before you go back to this side.
• 43:30
  Right.
• 43:31
  Amazing.
• 43:32
  Amazing.
• 43:33
  So for parents listening, you know, whether they're in Europe, Canada, or in the US, you
• 43:42
  know, and they're in the struggle.
• 43:46
  And what what words of wisdom would you give to them or words of comfort or, any guidance at
• 43:54
  all for them?
• 43:55
  Silence suffering is suffering without the possibility of hope.
• 44:02
  I'm a say that one more time.
• 44:04
  Suffering and silence your choice to suffer in silence does not diminish the suffering.
• 44:12
  So silent suffering is suffering without the possibility of hope because you've said nothing
• 44:18
  to anyone.
• 44:19
  And so no one can assist you in something that they don't know.
• 44:22
  I'm not talking about the internet.
• 44:25
  I'm not talking about getting online and sharing all your problem, your family's darkest
• 44:30
  deep deepest issues.
• 44:31
  I'm talking about picking up the phone and calling Naomi.
• 44:35
  I'm talking about finding an outlet that is calling a psychologist.
• 44:41
  I'm talking about networking to be able to say to friends and or family, hey.
• 44:47
  What I'm dealing with here is deeper than than than what I even can recognize.
• 44:51
  Can you do you have anybody that can help help me?
• 44:55
  That's that's the kind of breaking the silence I speak of.
• 44:58
  I'm not I don't want you to be me, I had to be placed on a platform.
• 45:03
  That's not what I wanted to do with even my own life.
• 45:06
  I'm equipped for media, but I wasn't equipped or or it wasn't a desire for me to come on use
• 45:13
  media to have to deal with these types of issues I've been placed here.
• 45:17
  So I have to say that because I need people to be very clear.
• 45:21
  My words are very clear as to what I think for help.
• 45:24
  Number 2, denial is death.
• 45:27
  You see what you see, you feel it, you're intuitive, you know it as a as any connected
• 45:31
  parent understands what you're seeing is an issue, or you wouldn't even have a concern.
• 45:36
  And so the longer you deny, the more it is emotional destruction and death for your
• 45:44
  family, for you, the love loving the one who suffers and those who suffer.
• 45:48
  So it is natural, but it is something that you've got to get a grip of.
• 45:52
  See something.
• 45:53
  Say something.
• 45:54
  Do something.
• 45:56
  And I would say I would only add to that, you know, resist the urge to lean into despair
• 46:01
  because no matter how dark things get, things can get better.
• 46:05
  And no matter how long it takes for the appropriate help to get there for you, don't
• 46:10
  despair because the more you reach out, the more you have the opportunity for that help to
• 46:16
  reach you.
• 46:17
  So hang in there.
• 46:20
  Amazing amazing stuff.
• 46:22
  Like, wow.
• 46:23
  I'm I'm blessed that, you're you're taking a step, to help others through adversity, you
• 46:30
  know, that's the opportunity.
• 46:32
  Like you said, you didn't ask to be placed here, but you're doing something because you
• 46:36
  understand, right, like you understand what what pain is.
• 46:39
  So for people wanting to reach out, where where can they get a hold of
• 46:44
  you if they want to donate?
• 46:45
  What what where do they loving beyond reason.org.
• 46:49
  There's a big giant donate button there.
• 46:52
  We will we're we're literally, you know, believe it or not, even though we have been
• 46:57
  established nonprofit since 2018, we're just now getting to the point of, you know, we're
• 47:04
  grassroots foundation.
• 47:05
  And we're a donation based foundation.
• 47:08
  But the work that we do is endless even including mental health Mondays, which we've
• 47:12
  been doing for 3 years.
• 47:15
  Yeah.
• 47:15
  So for us, you know, for me, it's also super important that I am fully dedicated to
• 47:23
  educating families I teach the escalation, teaching families how to manage your loved 1 in
• 47:30
  an episodic crisis.
• 47:32
  Specifically the needs of law enforcement needs to get involved as well.
• 47:36
  So to help you help yourself.
• 47:39
  I I, you know, those education pieces aren't spoken by me.
• 47:43
  They're on my personal page.
• 47:45
  A lot of it, a lot of these really deep conversations that really more about, you know,
• 47:49
  it it's we have a marriage and we have a life.
• 47:51
  But to be honest, you know, my insights and and, inspiration and movement are different
• 47:57
  sometimes in days.
• 47:58
  And this is what I've been born to do, spiritually.
• 48:03
  So I'm a I'm a I feel like transparency is the only way to transformation.
• 48:09
  So you'll find that on Marla talks.
• 48:12
  Even if and and ironically, god has allowed me in my opinion a lot of a vast array of
• 48:20
  experience traumatic experiences that I've been able to move through because it is a way for me
• 48:28
  to share.
• 48:30
  My last series I just did was literally on my on my subscription in my Instagram was the
• 48:35
  diary of a madman.
• 48:37
  And I explained being inside of a narcissistic relationship that was actually dangerous with
• 48:44
  my with Monisa's dad before David and I got married and what that was like.
• 48:48
  I've never spoken on it before, but now this is, you know, a lot of the the climate is
• 48:52
  really focusing a lot on that.
• 48:53
  Like, you know what?
• 48:54
  I'm I'm sure that my true story will help someone else in my demographic.
• 48:59
  Kind of understand this to a level because you feel so isolated and break free for themselves.
• 49:05
  And so it just keeps coming.
• 49:09
  Well, that's amazing.
• 49:10
  That's amazing that you do that.
• 49:12
  And I'm so grateful that I collided with you, on podcast guests what an inspiration you both
• 49:21
  are and, you know, what am I taking away?
• 49:24
  I'm taking away that we are given certain things in life, and we do the best that we can,
• 49:32
  especially as as parents and as partners.
• 49:35
  Right?
• 49:35
  And that in this case, mental health is like anything else.
• 49:41
  It's something that families cope with.
• 49:43
  A lot of families to your point, cope and silence.
• 49:46
  And there's no need.
• 49:47
  There's no need.
• 49:48
  Pain is inevitable, but suffering need not be.
• 49:51
  So reach out, connects, we are not reptiles.
• 49:55
  We, you know, we do not need to shut down.
• 49:57
  We need to connect to eye connection, and that in of itself is so healing.
• 50:03
  And, you know, just being able to to chat with someone that feels like they're in turmoil.
• 50:09
  That could be a gift that you could give someone just by, you know, 5 or 10 minute
• 50:13
  conversation.
• 50:15
  So for everyone listening, please reach out.
• 50:18
  Please, help them out and donate and for anyone needing to get a hold of me, please, you can
• 50:26
  also reach out.
• 50:28
  You know, I talk about mental resilience in relationships at home and at work, you can go
• 50:32
  to roxanderhot.comforward/quiz, where you'll do a quick quiz, and I will send you some
• 50:37
  information.
• 50:38
  Again, thanks so much for your time.
• 50:40
  Very grateful and everyone listening.
• 50:43
  We look forward to seeing you again in week.
• 50:45
  And and please keep these conversations going.
• 50:48
  I'm telling you.
• 50:48
  You're you're doing more good.
• 50:50
  It warms my heart to know that there are people who are genuinely invested and changed.
• 50:54
  So thank you.
• 50:55
  Thank you.
• 50:56
  You're most welcome.
• 50:57
  Thank you.
• 50:58
  Thanks for tuning in to authentic living with Roxanne.
• 51:02
  Create the space for positive, healthy change.
• 51:05
  Roxanne is a keynote speaker, psychotherapist, and coach to work with Roxanne, visit roxanne
• 51:12
  Durhaj.com/blueprint.
• 51:16
  We'll see you next time on authentic living with Roxanne.