Latest / The Christy-Faith Show / Ep. 71 - Does Homeschooling Shelter Your Kids Too Much?

Transcript

Ep. 71 - Does Homeschooling Shelter Your Kids Too Much? · The Christy-Faith Show

• 0:00
  Christy-Faith: Here's the question no one wants to touch, but everyone's thinking about. Does homeschooling shelter kids too much? You've heard the argument, right, that opting out of the school system is overprotective, naive, and maybe even a little bit extreme? Here's the thing. When was the last time you really looked under the hood of the school system?
• 0:20
  Because the data isn't looking too good. Let me ask you this. What if the system we're handing our kids over to isn't actually as stable or safe as we'd like to think? What if the school system's normal environment is the one that's actually falling short? Today, we're going to talk about some very real reasons parents make the crazy decision to homeschool.
• 0:41
  What safety actually means because we're not just gonna talk physical safety. We're gonna talk emotional, psychological, and social safety too. And maybe why homeschooling parents aren't actually the paranoid or sheltering parents that a lot of people assume. Maybe we're just paying attention. Now this episode isn't about bubble wrapping wrapping kids or locking them away from reality.
• 1:03
  It's about what it really means to protect your kids because preparing your kids for the real world doesn't mean tossing them into the deep end and hoping that they swim. Stick around because this one's gonna challenge what you thought you knew about homeschooling, parenting, and what it really means to toughen kids up. Because spoiler alert, maybe homeschooling parents aren't raising fragile little snowflakes. Maybe we're the ones showing what real preparation for the world actually looks like. Before we get into the show, hi.
• 1:43
  Welcome if you're a first time listener or welcome back. I'm Kristi Faith, author of Homeschool Rising, speaker and founder of Thrive Homeschool Community, which is a place where you can learn about how to fail proof your homeschool by following solid plans and finding real connection, mentorship, and support all along the way. And I should mention this more. Make sure that you hit my website for all those amazing freebies that I have on there, whether you're homeschool curious or you are a seasoned veteran, no matter what stage of homeschooling you are in, I got something for you. Okay.
• 2:15
  So we all want our kids to learn how to navigate the real world. Right? I always laugh when a nonhomeschooling person asks me this question because when you really look at the system, does that really prepare kids for the real world? Exactly when did we all decide that preparation for the real world requires daily emotional warfare and unspoken social hierarchies? The reality is peer interaction is the sacred cow of the school system and the first gotcha from anyone who doesn't like the idea of homeschooling.
• 2:48
  It usually sounds like, but how will they socialize? Kids need to be around other kids. Okay. Sure. In theory, but in practice, in schools, some kids are learning more about survival tactics in the group chat than they are in the classroom.
• 3:01
  We have normalized school culture honestly and broader culture too, but I won't get into that soapbox today where cruelty is expected and becoming somewhat normalized. Snide comments, subtle emotional abuse, exclusion masked as just kidding, all brushed off with that's just how kids are at that age. And maybe that was true in the nineties when your biggest social threat was a rumor about your scrunchie or new glasses. But now your kid's entire identity can be wrecked before lunch digitally, anonymously, and in real time. Let's go over the numbers for a second.
• 3:36
  According to the National Center for Education Statistics, about one in five students aged 12 to 18 report being bullied, and that's just what's reported. You and I both know that kids often don't say a word for fear of it getting worse or being seen as weak. And bullying, it's not always name calling in the hallway. It's fake friendships, targeted exclusion, weaponized group chats, and stuff adults often miss entirely until it's done its damage. And the school system?
• 4:06
  It's not equipped. Teachers are juggling 20 to 30 kids, a full lesson plan, and a dozen of behavior issues. Monitoring every interaction like a hawk is not possible in that environment for teachers. But who can spot it? You.
• 4:20
  Because you see the signs. Maybe your child used to love learning. Maybe they used to love people. But now, they come home drained, withdrawn, not themselves, exhausted from just surviving day in and day out. If your kid's light is dimming every time they step off the bus, that's not a growth opportunity.
• 4:39
  That's a warning sign. And no, you don't need a formal diagnosis, a thick file of incident reports, or one more friendship week flyer to tell you something's not right. Sometimes your gut knows more than the principal's office ever will. And here's a truth that someone listening might need to hear. Homeschooling isn't about sheltering your kid.
• 5:01
  It's about protecting their ability to grow into a whole confident human being before the world teaches them to hide who they are just to survive the school hallway. And listen, maybe your child wasn't the one being targeted. Maybe they were just absorbing, watching. Even if your kid isn't the one getting bullied, they're still growing up in a system and a culture where this behavior is becoming the norm. So let's talk about something that usually doesn't make it onto the emergency drill list right after this word from our sponsors.
• 5:32
  As a homeschool mom who values a family together approach and leans towards the classical and Charlotte Mason styles, I often struggle to bring my educational vision to life with my kids' diverse ages and learning needs. With all our interests and super packed schedule, bridging that gap between the dreamy homeschool I want and reality, I gotta be honest. It's a challenge. Now, yes, I know perfection isn't the goal. But if you're listening and you could use a little easing of your mental load in your day to day, I found a resource that has become the quiet hero of our routine, and it could be a really great option for you too.
• 6:04
  BJU Press homeschool curriculum. Now many think that BJU Press homeschool is solely an all in one option, and though it does excel in that role, did you know you can also opt for specific courses and tailor them to fit your family's needs just as I have? BJU Press homeschool provides the perfect balance of structure and flexibility and easily complements my family's mixed age family together on the couch learning style. They are second to none in integrating a biblical worldview, stimulating critical thinking, and offering tons of hands on activities lessons. To find out how BJU Press Homeschool can come alongside you in your homeschooling goals too, visit bjupresshomeschool.com or click the link in the show notes.
• 6:46
  I've got some news. There's a new reading curriculum that ditches workbooks and drills for fun and games. If you're thinking fun and games sounds a little too good to be true, it's not. 98 of children improved their reading test scores in just six weeks with the reading skill set by Lovevery. It's a phonics based program that follows a science of reading, but makes learning to read fun, motivating, and confidence boosting because it happens by playing games and then practicing with just right skill level books.
• 7:16
  Kids love it and parent educators love it, and it works. Visit loveevery.com/christyfaith today and use code Christy 10 to get 10% off your purchase of the reading skill set by Love Every. That's l0vevery.com/christyfaith. Welcome back. We've all seen the school safety posters, the ones that show a backpack, a fire exit plan, maybe a cartoon police officer giving a thumbs up.
• 7:44
  But what about the kids sitting alone every day at lunch silently imploding? What about the child who's mastered the art of shrinking themselves so no one targets them? What about the kid who seems fine but is grinding their teeth at night, crying on Sundays, or developing mysterious stomachaches right before school? Safety isn't just physical. And while we're at it, fine is not the same as thriving.
• 8:09
  We live in a time where mental health awareness is at an all time high. Every district has a poster about it. Every school has a vague initiative, but actually meaningful support. That's another story. According to the CDC, rates of anxiety and depression among children and teens have risen sharply in the last decade.
• 8:27
  Yet, we're still telling parents school is the best place for social emotional development. Really? Because Becky over there in second period just told my daughter to harm herself in the hallway, and your plan is to stick to a laminated be kind sign on the wall? Make it make sense, people. And, yes, there are great teachers.
• 8:47
  Of course, there are. There's caring counselors, people doing their best within a system that was not at all designed for the good of our kids. But the system itself, it's reactive, not proactive. It's built to manage crises, not prevent them. And when your kid is the quiet one or the sensitive one or the one who doesn't quite fit the mold, they can fall through the cracks so fast your head will spin.
• 9:11
  If your child spends seven hours a day in a place where they feel small, anxious, or invisible, that's not a minor issue. That's a mental health risk. And you as the parent are allowed to say, I'm not okay with this. I'm not going to normalize stress induced stomach pain and label it as character building. Homeschooling isn't about pretending that hard things don't exist though.
• 9:36
  It's about creating a foundation strong enough that when hard things come and they will, your child has the confidence, the tools, and the support to face them without falling apart. And maybe you're thinking right now, oh, yeah. School has its emotional pitfalls, but that's just life. It's not like the whole place is falling apart. Oh, naysayer.
• 9:58
  Let's talk about what's actually happening inside the classroom these days, shall we? Because even if your child feels okay, the question is, are the adults around them actually in control? Are the teachers actually able to even be in control? Let's start with the obvious. Teachers are exhausted.
• 10:16
  When I was a classroom teacher, it was the most exhausting job I've ever had, and I loved it. Teachers are managing 25 to 30 kids, differentiated learning plans, IEPs, five o fours, parent emails, tech glitches, fire drills, administration, and oh, yeah, actual teaching too? And then sprinkle in a few kids who are physically aggressive, a handful with severe emotional dysregulation, and an admin that's more concerned with district optics than actual support? And what do you have? Chaos.
• 10:47
  Managed chaos if you're lucky. Lord of the flies with hallway passes if you're not. In a 2023 Rand Corporation survey, one in three teachers reported experiencing verbal or threatening harassment from students, and nearly six in ten said that they felt frequent job related stress higher than health care workers. Let that sink in. More stressed than nurses.
• 11:10
  But sure, let's just keep pretending schools are safe just because the building has a buzzer on the door. You know what's really wild? In some districts, violence is so common, there are entire TikTok accounts dedicated to hallway fights, and they're not exaggerating. They're showing what kids see every day between classes. Full on brawls, desks flying, and teachers screaming for backup that never ends up coming.
• 11:34
  And if you think I'm being dramatic here, go ahead and search your local school district on Reddit. I'll wait. Just don't do it right before bed or before you send your kid back to school on Monday morning. And let me be crystal clear. This is not about blaming teachers.
• 11:47
  I don't blame them at all. This is a system level failure. This is why teachers are quitting in droves. We're asking educators to be therapists, law enforcement, learning specialists, and emotional regulation coaches while still raising test scores and decorating bulletin boards. And when it's your kid who's quietly trying to learn in the middle of all that, they're not thriving, they're bracing.
• 12:11
  So when someone tells you, but isn't homeschooling just avoiding problems? Yes. Avoiding the unacceptable ones. Absolutely. And if all of that wasn't enough to make your internal mama bear twitch, you've probably tried bringing up your concerns to administration at some point.
• 12:28
  Most moms have. You weren't dramatic. You weren't hysterical. You were just concerned. Let me ask you.
• 12:34
  How'd that go? I can probably tell you. You probably heard things like, we're monitoring the situation or we're doing everything we can or we haven't seen any issues in school. Cue the gaslighting. This one's for the parent who ever walked out of a meeting with the school and thought, wait.
• 12:51
  Did they just make me feel bad for advocating for my own kid? Yes. Yes. They did. And you know why?
• 12:58
  We'll discuss that right after the break. Before we continue, I wanna share with you a program that's been a game changer for our homeschool. At our center, we instructed and helped kids through pretty much every math program on the market and know firsthand just how important a solid math foundation is for our kids' futures. As a career educator with high standards, finding the right program that checked all the boxes felt like too tall of an order. Until one day, I tried CTC Math.
• 13:22
  CTC Math is an online math curriculum for k to 12 students with motivating interactive lessons that allow kids to learn at their own pace. It does all the teaching and grading so you don't have to and their adaptive lessons adjust so your child is progressing confidently. With CTC Math, your child is getting a top notch education and you just made your homeschool life easier. Visit ctcmath.com to start your free trial today or click the link in the show notes. You know how feeding a homeschool family can feel like running a twenty four hour diner with a revolving menu?
• 13:54
  Yeah. Me too. But here's my secret weapon for keeping everyone fed without losing my mind or blowing the budget. Azure Standard. Azure is a homeschool family owned company dedicated to providing affordable organic, natural, and non GMO groceries, health, household, and garden products.
• 14:14
  In fact, they have over 12,000 options to meet your needs as a health minded household. All vetted ahead of time to be free of harmful preservatives, food colorings, chemicals, and pesticides. Tired of spending too much on health food? Give Azure a try. Your body and your bank account will thank you later.
• 14:33
  Use code Kristi Faith 15 and get 15% off your first order at azurestandard.com. That's Kristi Faith fifteen at a z u r e standard dot com. And the reason why the school system is so hard on parents is because the school system has mastered the arts of minimizing your concerns while subtly implying that you're overreacting. You say, my child is anxious and cries before school. And they say, well, we haven't noticed anything out of the ordinary during class.
• 15:04
  You say, he's scared to ride the bus because of that one older kid. And they say, we'll have the counselor check-in to make sure he knows about the conflict resolution corner. You say, she's falling behind and the teacher seems overwhelmed. And they say, oh, we're just all adjusting post COVID. Translation, nothing is going to change.
• 15:25
  But here's the thing, you don't need permission to trust your gut. You don't need a folder full of behavior logs. You don't need a documented pattern. You don't need another round of let's wait and see. If your child is suffering mentally, emotionally, socially and your gut is screaming something's not right, you're not the problem.
• 15:47
  The system is. And isn't it just so wild how choosing to remove your child from a dysfunctional environment gets labeled as overprotective or extreme? Excuse me. We're not over here building bunkers. We're simply creating a better environment.
• 16:03
  Let's flip the script. Okay? What's actually extreme is sending a child to a place every day that makes them feel unsafe, unseen, and unsupported, and then calling that normal or worse, healthy socialization. And here's a misconception. Homeschooling isn't about pretending the world is perfect.
• 16:21
  Life is hard. It's about giving your child the tools and confidence to face this world without having to recover from it first. So maybe you're listening to this right now and you're thinking, yeah, this is exactly what we've been feeling, but we didn't know if it was enough of a reason to make a change. Let me tell you something. You are allowed to advocate and fight for your kids.
• 16:44
  You're allowed to change that script. You're allowed to say, hey, I want my kid to have a really healthy nurturing childhood. That's enough. We don't need someone else's checklist of acceptable reasons to homeschool our kids. It's not their business anyway.
• 16:59
  You don't need to apologize or make excuses because your child wasn't thriving in an environment that wasn't even built for them in the first place. And if you don't know about the history of the compulsory school system in America, I cover that in-depth in chapter three of my book, Homeschool Rising. I'll put a link in the show notes. And you absolutely don't need to justify your decision to people who aren't showing up at your kitchen table, helping with fractions, drying tears after a hard day, or holding your child close when they feel small in a really big world. Let's be clear.
• 17:32
  This homeschooling thing, this isn't about fear. This is about discernment. This isn't about escaping. This is about reclaiming. It's about recognizing something's not working and being bold enough to believe there's a better way because there is.
• 17:48
  And if you're starting to explore homeschooling or even just considering what could be different, I want you to know that you don't have to figure it out alone. That is exactly why I created Thrive Homeschool Community, a space for real mentorship, real connection, and real support from people who get it. We teach you how to build a homeschool that is fail proof. You'll be surrounded by people who've made the jump, people who were scared, who were unsure, maybe even a little resistant and did it anyway. Brave mama bears, people who are now watching their kids heal, grow, and come back to life in ways that they didn't think were possible.
• 18:26
  I was in a consultation today and the mom pulled her preteens out of school and she said, there sparkles back. This has been the best decision we've ever made for our family. And you think those two boys really wanted to be pulled out of school? They gave her such a hard time. And now under two years later, they are thanking her and they love their homeschooling life.
• 18:48
  And I gotta be honest, she is crushing it as a homeschool mom. You don't have to become a Pinterest mom or love glitter crafts. I am not a crafty homeschool mom myself. You just need to love your kid enough to try something different and to fight for it and to say, may not know everything now, but I think I can do this and I think I can figure out how to do this really well because you can. So here's your permission slip.
• 19:14
  If something in your gut has been whispering, it doesn't have to be this way. I don't think it should be this way. Listen. And if you need a place to process all of this, learn, and grow into this new chapter of your life, I would love to see you inside of Thrive Homeschool Community. Your child deserves safety.
• 19:33
  You deserve peace, and your family deserves a learning life that actually works well for all of you. And no, you're not crazy. No, you're not sheltering. You are just simply paying attention. And that that makes you exactly the kind of homeschooling parent who's going to be just fine.
• 19:53
  See you next time.