Latest / The Family Teams Podcast / Ep. 45 | Loving Daughters Well

Transcript

Ep. 45 | Loving Daughters Well · The Family Teams Podcast

• 0:06
  Hey guys, welcome to the 5-Minute Fatherhood Podcast. I'm your co-host, Jeff Bethke, along with my friend and mentor, Jeremy Pryor. Join us Monday through Friday as we chat about quick tips, skills, and ways to help equip you on your journey as a father to build your multi-generational family team on mission. Stay tuned.
• 0:27
  Cool. Hey, guys. I'm Jeremy. I'm Jeff. And we want to talk to you guys about five ways to love on your young daughter. So there's almost nothing cooler than being a dad of a little girl. And it's definitely worth it to think intentionally about how to love her. And a lot of times for guys, especially I know a lot of my friends...
• 0:48
  who maybe didn't have sisters. There's a little bit of uncomfortability about like, how do I do this? And so I just wanna give you guys five quick ideas for how to think about this. The first one is make a list of stuff the two of you like to do together.
• 1:03
  And so these lists I have, you know, a little Google Doc with all of my kids and all the things that we tend to like to do together. One of my daughters is really into art galleries. Another daughter's really into going to parks, things like that. I try to really pay attention to what they like
• 1:19
  And then I try to figure out, especially if there's stuff that I like that they like, I'm like, whoa, that's golden. And then we have a Shabbat day that we take one day of rest. And during that day, I oftentimes want to take one of my kids out. Me and my oldest daughter, Kelsey, we're foodies. And so we've been like checking out some of the nice little restaurants for lunch on Saturday around town. But that's one thing that has been a fun way to really engage with my girls. That's fun for me and fun for them.
• 1:47
  Yeah, and I'll riff on that one, but add a little thing in the sense of with our daughter, I would say let them be outside of the box of what you think they should be. And so I know for me, Kinsley, our oldest, and our daughter, she is the most... When you think of tomboy, at least currently at age four, she is what you think of and just wants to tackle and throw a baseball and do all these things. And for me, there's a net level at which I actually love that, right? That's not difficult for me to align with. But again, she's also so tender.
• 2:17
  so gentle, so beautiful. And so, um, um, already I can see just like this buddingness of, of, of femininity in her. But I think, I think sometimes dads or even people can get stuck in the 1950s version of femininity, not the biblical model of femininity. Um, and so, yeah, I just think for that's one for me is I just kind of like, you have to kind of hunt and let them, let not let them lead, but let them like, um, you need to be observant and take notes, I think of your daughter. Um, yeah,
• 2:45
  and what they enjoy, what they like, but then also kind of their wiring and then try to go that direction rather than always get them to make you kind of always making them come your direction, if that makes sense. Totally. We had a friend who was just kind of talking about how challenging her relationship was with her dad. And the statement she made that just broke my heart was my dad really didn't know me. And I think that's what you're talking about, Jeff, is like, you don't ever want your daughter to grow up and feel like, oh, I had to sort of act to be around my dad.
• 3:11
  Totally. So that's a good number two. Number three, I would say is ask deep questions. So, you know, try to think about, you know, some questions you can always ask. I love asking about like relationships. How's your relation with your mom, with your brother, with your sisters? How's your relationship with God? You know, was there anything that kind of scared you this week? Was there anything that you really like this week? Do you have highs and lows?
• 3:33
  And then when you want to get even deeper or more creative, I always buy this little box of questions that you can buy on Amazon called the UnGame. They have the UnGame for kids. And sometimes when I take one of my daughters for a walk, I'll take like five of those cards and we'll just go for a walk. And I remember recently I asked my daughter Kyra, who's nine, that one of the questions popped up and said, you know, tell me about one of your dreams you've had at night. And she just told me about it. Oh, my gosh. She just like her eyes got really big and she just opened up about this really elaborate dream that she'd been stewing on for days.
• 4:02
  It was just really awesome to share that with her. But it was triggered by this random question. So, yeah, having at hand some really deep, interesting, good questions to ask your girls to make sure that you know them, like we were talking about earlier, is a really helpful tool as well.
• 4:17
  That's awesome. One thing I'll add to from the fourth one is, I like to say it, have your thing with just that kid. And what I mean by that is, yeah, and kind of what you said with even Kelsey, with the foodiness of have the one thing that you don't do with any other kid that you do with them that maybe they pick it or not. Maybe it's, you know, maybe you always do this fun little wrestle thing before you put them down, or you have a special handshake, or you go get bubble tea with them, you know, but you don't with the other and on like a weekly basis, whatever. So,
• 4:41
  Because I think there's actually a level of longevity to traditions, small traditions, micro traditions with your kids, that that is actually what they take with them. And that is actually what they remember. Not the they usually maybe they'll remember the big blowout Disney trip. But if you do something every single week for 18 years with just them, that's the thing where, man, that starts being it's almost like compound interest. Right. With memory. We're like.
• 5:02
  They start the sense and the locations and the things that anything that can remind them of that thing for 18 years, that'll be like, man, you really want that to come back once you kind of send them out into the world as disciple makers. And so, yeah, so I would say have your thing with that kid that you don't do with any other kid.
• 5:18
  That's awesome. Yeah, like every time she walks past that bubble tea store when she's in her 40s, she's like, oh, my dad. And so try to think like that and make those. That's right. That's awesome. And then number five, I would say just invest in her beauty or her coolness or whatever she's into. Like one of the things that I try to pay attention to.
• 5:38
  Is there something fun you can buy? I remember my daughter, Lisa, we were at a resort, and she saw this necklace that she just was like, I could tell her heart just fell in love with it. And I really wanted to be the one to buy that for her. And she's been wearing it ever since. It's been like six months. And she wears it almost every day. And every time I see it, I'm like, I'm so glad I bought that for her. That's awesome. So there's things like that that I just try to think of. Are there fun little elements to their look or...
• 6:07
  stuff that they're into that I can share with them and I can give as a gift to them. So I would say kind of give yourself a little bit more freedom. Don't try to be fair in this area. Try to be fun and extravagant at times with investing in your daughter's beauty.
• 6:22
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