Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / Date Night and the Power of Showing Up

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Date Night and the Power of Showing Up · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Date night. It's that concept that can make some people
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: get very excited and other people become frustrated over it, exhausted,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: and I just wonder if it's all worth the hassle.
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: Does your date night sing or does it get a
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: little bit routine and mundane. This is The Happy Family's
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: podcast and after the Break it's our old Do Better
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Tomorrow Friday episode where we unpack the week that was,
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: what's working, what's not How can we make our family happier.
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: It's an insight into.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: The life of the Colsons in the hope that it
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: will give you some inspo to make your family life better.
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: Right after the break, the latest on date Night plus
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: one of those conversations that you have with your children
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: that joins dots and changes your relationship.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Stay with us.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: Hello, Welcome to The Happy Families podcast, where you get
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: real parenting solutions every single day. It's Australia's most downloaded
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: parenting podcasts.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: We are Justin and Kylie Coulson. Kylie.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Today we take a peek behind the curtain and have
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: a look at what's working and what's not working. I
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: just want to highlight before we get stuck into it.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: My book comes out in lemon days, not next Friday,
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: but the Tuesday after that, Boys.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: Will be on the shelves.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: You can still pre order right now via book toopia
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: dot com dot When you do that, if you then
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: go to Happy Families dot com DOTU and put in
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: your details, what we do is we give you a
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: whole bunch of freebies, and those freebies are pretty darn cool.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: They include free access to an invite only ask Me
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: Anything that will be happening the day the book comes out.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: In addition to the ask Me Anything, you'll also receive
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: Boys the Emergency Audio Guide. Instant Access will come to
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: you for that. Like I said, he ask Me Anything.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: There's also a book club kit and a Golden ticket lottery.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: The first five hundred orders go into the drawer to
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: win a private one on one consultation with me, yours truly,
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: to talk about raising your kids and see what we
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: can do to help make your family happier.
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: Oh.
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: I should also add if you're pre order, you'll save
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: twenty seven percent at book toopia dot com dot You.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: All right, hon, let's get into it. Today's I'll do
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: better tomorrow.
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: I'm going to go first.
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: My one's fairly short and sweet, well, very very sweet.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: It's actually two things, as I can't help myself. The
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: other day, our little granddaughter two and a half years old,
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: walked into my office, came by for a surprise.
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: Visit, saw me.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: She goes hip hops, and then she told me that
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: she'd been at the gym with her mum. And I
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: don't know what JIM is. JIM is some sort of
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: kids playdate or something like that.
• 2:37
  Speaker 4: I yes, kids gymnastics, I write it.
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: And they've got the microphone out and then they randomly
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: ask these tiny little two and three year old kids
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: if they want to use the microphone and sing a song.
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: And Indy decided she was going to do it, and
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: I said, well she didn't.
• 2:48
  Speaker 5: She absolutely refused to.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: Oh what happened for weeks on that day.
• 2:54
  Speaker 4: Well, no, she refused again on the day and she
• 2:57
  Speaker 4: now kind of said that's okay, so she was allowed
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: to keep playing. So they just kind of do a
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: little bit of a break during their movement time. But
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: kids can still move if they want to, right, And
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: so she now kind of turned her back and started
• 3:09
  Speaker 4: doing some other things, and then she realized Indy wasn't
• 3:12
  Speaker 4: with her, and she kind of was like, what's going on?
• 3:15
  Speaker 4: Like she couldn't find her anywhere on any of the equipment,
• 3:18
  Speaker 4: And she went around the corner and Indy was literally
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: right in front of the microphone singing at the top
• 3:24
  Speaker 4: of her life.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: Right And so I asked Indy what she had sung
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: and she sang it to me and I said, that
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: is so cool? Can we record you singing that? And
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: can you sing it one more time? And she sat
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: in front of my microphone right here in the podcast studio.
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: And forgive me, I know it's self indulgent. I know
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: that you don't necessarily really want to hear someone else's
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: two and a half year old sing, but oh my goodness,
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: the cuteness factor is off the charts.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: Check this out a e F Hey do they care
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: panel pe? I s okay, yeah they that eggs what
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: and said, mum a BC's kest time the.
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Kylie. My heart feels like it is going to explode,
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: like seriously.
• 4:22
  Speaker 5: Well you think that's cute?
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: Cuteness overlap.
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: This was a surprise visit. We had no idea that
• 4:26
  Speaker 4: she was showing up. She walked in the door, the
• 4:28
  Speaker 4: kids heard her and she was.
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: Like loly for those who are new to the pod
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: Kylie is Lolly and I am Pops. We are Lolly Pops.
• 4:36
  Speaker 4: And the girls pounced on her and she was like, no, Lily,
• 4:40
  Speaker 4: where's Lily? And I turned around and I gave her
• 4:43
  Speaker 4: a big grin and she came racing down and I said,
• 4:47
  Speaker 4: where's Mom. She says she's gone home. She said I
• 4:50
  Speaker 4: can hang out with.
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: You, right, And I was like, was true?
• 4:54
  Speaker 5: That's news to me.
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: When she now finally came in after she'd been talking
• 4:58
  Speaker 4: with you, I said, Indies told me that you told
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: us she could hang out with me today.
• 5:03
  Speaker 5: And she said that's.
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: Not what I was.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: I reckon, she did, I'm just thinking about it. I reckon,
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: they set that up. You go in and see Lolly
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: and Nastacfigan. Stay. I'm going to talk to Pops in
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: the office for a bit.
• 5:12
  Speaker 5: She looked at Indian, she said, do you want to
• 5:14
  Speaker 5: stay with Lolly?
• 5:15
  Speaker 4: And she said yeah, by mum literally wait to her
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: and told her to go all right.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: So, my audi bed tomorrow is just just just the
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: power of savoring. Yeah, proud Grandpa moment, all that sort
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: of stuff. But I just wanted to share it with you.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: My alder bed Tomorrow was actually not that. It's a
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: quick story. We have a monthly date night. We used
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: to try and do it weekly. It was just too much.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: We couldn't keep up. There's six kids, there's a business,
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: I'm traveling, there's all of our additional.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Activities and things that we're doing. It was just way
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: too much.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: But at the start of the year, when we did
• 5:43
  Speaker 1: a reset and worked out what was important to us,
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: we said one date night per month. But it can't
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: be banal. It can't be drab, it can't be basic.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: It can't be the let's go on have a meal
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: and watch a movie. We want to do something that's
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: got some spirit of adventure or novelty or new or
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: excitement to it. So we've had some really nice date
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: nights this year. But on Friday night last week, we
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: really going back a week for this little bit of tomorrow.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: You booked something in didn't tell me what it was.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: You were so excited for it. I had no clue
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: where we were going. We live on the Sunshine Coast
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: and we're driving out to Namble. Kylie like, I'm thinking,
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: what are we doing in Namble? There's Nambor is not
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: known as the hive or the hub of awesome activities
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: on the Sunshine Coast.
• 6:25
  Speaker 4: Well, I was a little bit nervous too, because I
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: had never been there before. And we were driving in
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: the middle of nowhere, it felt.
• 6:31
  Speaker 5: Like, and we're going towards nowhere.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: We ended up in the middle of an industrial estate
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: and I'm going and it was bitch black, what's going on?
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: And I kind of I was pretty tired.
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: It had been a lot of travel, a lot of week.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: A lot of stuff going on during the week.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: And I could see some fairy lights in one of
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: the warehouses or whatever you want to call them in
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: this industrial estate. So I've said, I bet we're going
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: there where the fairy lights are, and you said no,
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: or you're lied about it all. Maybe you said I
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: don't know, I can't remember.
• 6:58
  Speaker 4: No, because they said that the shed was number four
• 7:01
  Speaker 4: and where the fairy lights was number seventeen. But what
• 7:04
  Speaker 4: they didn't acknowledge is.
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: That it goes through from one side of the other.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: That's right, yep.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: So anyway, we've walked around number four and there's fairy lights,
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: and turns out that you've taken me to a pottery class.
• 7:15
  Speaker 5: And what was the first question I asked you, once
• 7:18
  Speaker 5: you realized what did.
• 7:19
  Speaker 2: You ask me?
• 7:20
  Speaker 5: Do you hate me yet?
• 7:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah?
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: And I had to be really diplomatic with my answer
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: because I was thinking, why why are we doing pottery?
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: I'm tired? Could we just not have actually had a
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: lazy date night? Or maybe not even happy? I was hungry,
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: like there were so many reasons why?
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: And then I'm thinking pottery, really pottery.
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: And then then you told me that it was going
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: to be a two hour pottery class. Pottery class. We're
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: not just going to make pottery, We're going to do
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: a class. And I'm thinking, oh, like kill me now, seriously.
• 7:53
  Speaker 4: Well, the next couple that came in, I looked at
• 7:56
  Speaker 4: the husband and I was like, did you get dragged
• 7:58
  Speaker 4: along as well?
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: And he was like, oh, I'm pumped, yeah yeah, And
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: I'm looking at him going, what is your problem to dude?
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: So we sat down and we did pottery for two hours.
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: The two hours went by and what felt like twenty minutes.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: I was so absorbed. I was completely lost in it.
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: I had the most fabulous I can't believe how much
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: I loved.
• 8:22
  Speaker 2: What do they call it?
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: Is it tossing? Is it throwing?
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: Throwing? The throwing literally throwing the.
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: Clay onto the wheel and then pushing the accelerator and
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: getting the heel of my hand into it and getting
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: it scentered and then turning it into these bowls and
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: cups and things that I'm I'm like, and we get
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: to go back again in a couple of months once
• 8:41
  Speaker 1: it's all set, so we can glaze it and fire
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: it and do all that sort of thing. And I'm
• 8:45
  Speaker 1: not saying we're going to start doing pottery every Friday night,
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: like our lives are a little bit too full for
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: that at this point in our like just now, but
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: I can actually see it's doing pottery in a few
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: years time, when then kids kids have all moved out
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: and we've slowed our lives down. I walked out and
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: it was really hard for me to say this. I
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: had this look of pain on my face. I'm like,
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: I don't want to tell you this because I really
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: didn't want to do this, But my goodness, that was amazing.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: I loved it.
• 9:11
  Speaker 4: When you turned to me and you said, I don't
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: want you to get a big head, right. But outside
• 9:18
  Speaker 4: of surfing, I don't think I have ever experienced that
• 9:22
  Speaker 4: level of flow with any other activity.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: I feel embarrassed hearing you say that, because I did
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: say that, but it's true.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: Like I.
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Want to explain, like if you're listening to pot and
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: you're thinking this is really weird. Had I not had
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: the experience, I would have thought that there was something
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: the matter with me. But why I got I was
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: just so immersed at the moment. I was completely I
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: was at one with the clay. Honey, I was in
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: and I didn't want to be distracted. I just wanted
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: to focus.
• 9:53
  Speaker 5: You really actually didn't talk to me.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: I didn't talk to you for two hours, two not
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: exactly my kind of date normally, and the time flew by.
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: It was just it was just this beautiful moment of
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: immersion where I wasn't thinking about the kids. I wasn't
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: thinking about the quarterly budget for the business. I wasn't
• 10:09
  Speaker 1: thinking about the next talk I've got to give, or
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: the next book that I may or may not be
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: a quarterly.
• 10:14
  Speaker 5: Budget for the business. We talk about finances.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: Well that as well.
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: I wasn't thinking about anything except molding the.
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: Clay, including me.
• 10:21
  Speaker 5: You weren't thinking about.
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: Me, No, no, actually was.
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: I was in the moment, nothing about kids, nothing about business,
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: nothing about anything.
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: It was just sublime.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: So my old better tomorrow is date night works. Date
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: night is awesome, but date night. For it to be
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: really great requires us to be creative, think outside the
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: proverbial box, do things that we might not otherwise do.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: Be open.
• 10:47
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it's about getting outside of your comfort zone.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Some things are going to be a dud. Like pottery
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: could have actually been a dud and it would have
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: been a great story as well, but it was actually
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: not a dud. And I know what we're going to
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: do for our next date night. I'm responsible for that one,
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: and it's also out namboll Way. Oh really, I can't
• 11:06
  Speaker 1: tell you any more than that. That's as far as
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: I go.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: But me either, it's going to be really, really great.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: I'm so pumped for.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: It anyway, after the break because I've spent far too
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: long on that. I said it would be a quick
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: one and it wasn't. After the break, you've got a
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: story to tell about an interaction with an eighteen year
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: old that has just shifted things in remarkable ways. I
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: want to know what you did and how you did
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: it because it will make a difference for every parent
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: that's next this is the Happy Families podcast. Missus Happy Families,
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: We would love to know all about this conversation that
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: you have had with our eighteen year old daughter that
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: has had such an impact on you.
• 11:52
  Speaker 4: I try really hard to keep the kids as anonymous
• 11:54
  Speaker 4: as possible, but it's going to be a little bit
• 11:56
  Speaker 4: tricky if I don't use names here because there's different
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: ages that are important to the story. So Annie is
• 12:02
  Speaker 4: our now eighteen year old and the other night she
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: participated in the class that I was teaching all about
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: the importance of women in our lives, and we spoke
• 12:12
  Speaker 4: specifically about women who've had profound influence, and I asked
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: the class if they would share some examples of women
• 12:20
  Speaker 4: and the things that they have done for them that
• 12:23
  Speaker 4: have had such great influence. And I was actually surprised
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: that Annie didn't share. She's usually someone who would participate
• 12:31
  Speaker 4: quite openly, and so as we were driving home that night,
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: I kind of asked her how she felt the class
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: when she said, mom, she said, it was a doozy
• 12:39
  Speaker 4: and it was so good, And I said, I was
• 12:42
  Speaker 4: really surprised that you didn't kind of comment, and she said, well,
• 12:45
  Speaker 4: once somebody mentioned their mom, she said I kind of
• 12:48
  Speaker 4: felt like me saying my mom felt like a bit
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: of a copycat, and I decided that I wouldn't and
• 12:54
  Speaker 4: she said, I couldn't really think of anyone else. And
• 12:56
  Speaker 4: then as other people started sharing, I realized that there
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: were some women in my life that have have been
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: very influential, and she shared a few of them with me.
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: And then she said, and as we're talking now, I
• 13:12
  Speaker 4: actually have just remembered there is one interaction that I
• 13:15
  Speaker 4: had with my older sister, Chanel when I was about twelve,
• 13:19
  Speaker 4: And she said, I don't really remember too many interactions
• 13:22
  Speaker 4: with her because there's about eight years between them, and
• 13:27
  Speaker 4: she said, but this one, she said, this changed me
• 13:29
  Speaker 4: in really profound ways. And so she proceeded to tell
• 13:33
  Speaker 4: me that one night she'd had a big falling out
• 13:36
  Speaker 4: with me. She was really angry, and as most teenage
• 13:39
  Speaker 4: girls do, she kind of had, you know, screamed the
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: house down, ran to her bedroom, slammed the door, and
• 13:46
  Speaker 4: proceeded to sob into her pillow. And a few minutes later,
• 13:51
  Speaker 4: our eldest daughter, Chanelle, walked in and Addie was still
• 13:54
  Speaker 4: really really angry, and she kind of screamed at her
• 13:57
  Speaker 4: and told her to get out and leave her alone.
• 13:59
  Speaker 4: She didn't want to talk to her, and so Shechnell
• 14:01
  Speaker 4: just sat there patiently with her for a number of
• 14:04
  Speaker 4: minutes before Annie was able to calm down enough that
• 14:08
  Speaker 4: Chanelle could ask her a few questions. And in Annie's
• 14:14
  Speaker 4: bedroom was a painting that was painted by one of
• 14:18
  Speaker 4: our neighbors mothers. It's a picture of me holding Annie
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: as a baby, and it is one of my treasured possessions.
• 14:27
  Speaker 4: I have since learned that it's one of Annie's as well.
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: And Chanell pointed out that picture with a little twelve
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: year old, angry young girl and said to Annie, what
• 14:41
  Speaker 4: do you see in that picture? And Annie looked at
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: her and she said, it's mum holding me his baby.
• 14:47
  Speaker 4: And she said what else do you see And she said, no,
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: I don't know. And Chanelle said, how is she holding you?
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: She said lovingly and she now said yeah. She said,
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: you know, there is no one in the world that
• 15:07
  Speaker 4: will love you the way that woman rule. And the
• 15:12
  Speaker 4: reason I'm really emotional about it is because at that
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: particular time in Channell's life, she was probably about the
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: most rebellious a child can be, and our relationship was really,
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: really fraught and challenged and as and he shared that
• 15:30
  Speaker 4: with me. I was just so overcome and I'm still
• 15:34
  Speaker 4: overcome by it, because it's just such a a beautiful
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: acknowledgment that even when our children bush against the boundaries,
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: if we are striving to do everything we can to
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: fill their lives with love and joy and light, that
• 15:59
  Speaker 4: there is a deep knowing, there is a deep knowing
• 16:02
  Speaker 4: in them that can't be denied. And that little twelve
• 16:07
  Speaker 4: year old was reminded by a rebellious eighteen year old,
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: no matter what happened that night, that her mum was
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: going to love her forever. And I was really really grateful.
• 16:18
  Speaker 4: I was so grateful for that conversation and just seeing
• 16:26
  Speaker 4: our girls' hearts in a really profound way.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: I've written this book called Misconnection, Why your teenage daughter
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: Hates You, expects the world and needs to talk. Not
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: trying to plug the book here, but the hates you
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: as in inverted commas on the title why your teenage
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: daughter Hates You? And people always pull me up and
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: they're like, but my daughter doesn't hate me. I'm like, no,
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: I no, But every now and again she'll slam the door,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: She'll see something like I hate you year story like that,
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: and it just reminds you. You just keep showing up,
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: you keep on loving them. You just I've said this
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: on the podcast a number of times over the last
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: maybe six to twelve months, and I keep coming back
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: to it. You never really truly get back what you
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: put in as a parent.
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: You just don't.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: And if you expect that you will, if you think
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: that there's going to be some sort of equalization or
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: some sort of transaction where you finally go, oh, it
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: was all worth it. Now, I feel like I've been
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: repaid for the years of dedication and for the love
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: and the sacrifice and the early mornings and the late
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: nights and the stress and the worry and the conversations
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: and the expense. It's just not going to happen. Give well, yes,
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: but it's still it's still not payment, right, Like, it
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: still doesn't repay you. It's just it's a new kind
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: of economy. But every now and again you hear one
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: of those stories, and that story that that equalizes the
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: relationship in ways. The research shows that being a parent
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: doesn't make you happy. That's what the research actually shows
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: when we look at it the way psychologists measuring happiness.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: But what it does, it gives you meaning, and it
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: gives you a richness that is so much more profound
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: than saying, yeah, being a parent makes me happy. And
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: you've just shared that so so beautifully. Wouldn't it be
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: great for all the kids would actually tell us those
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: stories in the moments that we need them and.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: Not I don't know what is it eight years later
• 18:11
  Speaker 2: something like that.
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: We really hope that you've enjoyed today's point.
• 18:14
  Speaker 2: Thanks so much for listening.
• 18:15
  Speaker 1: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Roland from
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: Bridge Media. Mim Hammond's provides our admin and additional support.
• 18:23
  Speaker 1: If you'd like more in front to make you family happy,
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: you'll find it at happy families dot com dot I.
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: You have a great weekend. Thanks for listening. We'll talk
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: to you on Monday.