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Sober Talk Joy of Living · Sober Talk SA

• 0:00
  Welcome to sober talk. I'm Dennis and I have lived
• 0:03
  experience at alcohol. If you or anyone you know is
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  struggling with alcohol, please call Alcoholics Anonymous on
• 0:10
  1300 double 22222 or check out their website on aa.org dot AU.
• 0:19
  I'll just run through the preamble of Alcoholics
• 0:21
  Anonymous. Alcoholics Anonymous is a
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  fellowship of men and women who share their experience,
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  strengthen hope with each other. They must solve their come
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  problems and help others to recover from alcoholism.
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  The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop
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  drinking. There are no dues or fees for
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  AIR membership. We are self support through our
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  own contributions. AIR is not allied with any sex
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  denomination, politics, organization or institution,
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  Does not wish to engage in any controversy, neither endorses or
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  oppose any causes. Our primary purpose is stir
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  Sulman help other Alcoholics achieve sobriety.
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  The topic for this meeting is the joy of living.
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  The reading comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
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  On page 15. We commence to make many fast
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  friends and the fellowship has grown up among us, of which it
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  is a wonderful thing to feel apart.
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  The joy of living we really have, even under pressure and
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  difficulty. On page 16.
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  There is, however, a vast amount of fun about it all.
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  I suppose some would be shocked at our seeming worldliness and
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  levity, but just underneath there is deadly earnestness.
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  Faith has to work 24 hours a day in and through us, or we perish.
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  Most of us feel we need look no further for utopia.
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  We have it with us right here and now.
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  Each day my friend's simple talk in our kitchen multiplies itself
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  in a widening circle of peace on earth and goodwill to men.
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  And on page 132. But we aren't a glum.
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  A lot. If newcomers could see no joy or
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  fun in our existence, they wouldn't want it.
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  We absolutely insist on enjoying life.
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  So I now ask our first guest speaker, Susie H from NSW.
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  Let's come up and share. Thanks.
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  Hi everybody, good morning. I'm Susie.
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  I'm an on high and the joy of living.
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  I think we've we've had it all yesterday and today, haven't we?
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  I've, you know, just had the kids laughing.
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  I, you know, I'm sitting in meetings, people laughing and
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  I'm sure you all had a great time at the, the dance last
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  slide as well. I was somebody who, you know, I
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  just couldn't imagine my life without alcohol.
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  I just couldn't imagine how you could possibly have any kind of
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  joy or fun or, you know, laughter or anything without
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  alcohol. I just thought basically that
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  alcohol equalled fun, creativity, joy, romance, you
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  know, all of that. That's what I thought that it,
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  it equaled. And of course, you know, I guess
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  at some point, you know, sometimes there, there was a lot
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  of fun and laughter. But you know, underneath it all,
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  there was this awful, like really awful sense of anxiety
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  and fear of what everybody thought and what they didn't
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  think. And, and then, of course, you
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  know, as it went on, is, is there going to be enough?
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  You know, is there going to be enough to go around and have I
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  got enough? And then it was, how can I have,
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  how can I get more without anybody noticing that I'm
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  getting more? You know, how can I keep myself
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  altogether coordinated without my husband or my children seeing
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  that I'm absolutely, completely out of it.
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  You know, my husband used to come home from work and he,
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  because I used to do the whole, you know, you know, change in
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  the bottles around in the fridge.
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  So it looked like I'd only had one glass.
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  And he'd say to me, darling, I just can't understand how you
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  can be so drunk after just walking.
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  The glass. And of course, I'd already had,
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  you know, at least a bottle before, you know, So all that,
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  you know, dishonesty and deceit and the anxiety and the fear and
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  the trepidation, it was just for me, it became an absolute living
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  nightmare. And it was really, you know, the
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  four horsemen that it talks about in the big book.
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  That was me, you know, sort of 3:00 in the morning.
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  The sheets were damped with perspiration.
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  The anxiety. How was I going to manage my
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  day? You know, I was an academic at a
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  university and I used to have to give lectures to, you know, 3 or
• 4:45
  400 people on a stage like this. And, you know, I had the DT.
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  It's big time. You know, the alcohol was just
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  pouring out of me. And anyway, you know, to cut a
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  Long story short, I, I'm with somebody who I just couldn't
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  give up alcohol. You know, I can say that to you
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  and I know that you understand what I'm talking about.
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  You know, I was drinking against my own will.
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  But really, you know, my, my motto was, you know, I can see
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  that I want to, I can see that I need to give up alcohol, but I
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  just don't want to at the minute.
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  And when I do, I'll let you know, you know, and then I'll do
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  it. That's how I, and I really
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  thought that I had some kind of control over it, that I would be
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  able to make that decision when I gave up and when I didn't give
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  up, you know, so it was actually quite a terrifying moment when I
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  realised that actually I couldn't give it up at all.
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  And I had, and I actually, by that time, I was physically
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  addicted to it. So I actually did need it just
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  to stop the shaking and the horrors and all the rest of
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  them. So, you know, I, I became a
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  homeless person in Sydney. And, you know, I was just saying
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  to my beautiful, loving fiance this morning as we were walking
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  in the sunshine, full of the joy, you know, being in love and
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  just being in a beautiful a, a meeting and just being able to
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  get up in the morning and not have to go out looking for
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  alcohol, you know, And in my case, I would be crawling out of
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  the bushes, out of the park with my hair in a haystack, you know,
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  if all my clothes dishevelled, if I still had any clothes,
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  trying to find enough money and trying to find somebody that
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  would sell me alcohol. So that's when this disease took
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  me. And in that reading, it said
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  something about the deadly earnestness of the disease of
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  alcoholism. And it really is, it's a killer,
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  isn't it? It is a killer.
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  You know, for me, by the time I was dying, and I really mean
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  that in all sincerity, I was dying, I didn't really have long
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  to live. And I had that pure.
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  It's a pure gold moment, isn't it, when you have that real, you
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  know, honest, heartfelt surrender to a higher power.
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  And that's what I had. And I made a commitment that I
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  was going to do it all, just going to do the whole thing.
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  Whatever was suggested, I was going to do it all.
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  I would do anything, anything to stop this obsession in my head
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  and the soul sickness, you know, the emptiness in my soul and my
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  spirit. And I knew, you know, that I, I
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  had this little ember, you know, in my soul that still wanted to
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  live. I still had that.
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  It was just like a little fire, you know, the little embers in
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  the fire was like, just like that.
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  And I, I knew that I really did want to live and I wanted to see
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  what was around the corner. And that has been my journey,
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  you know, and that's 9 1/2 years.
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  And I haven't had a drink since that moment, which I just find
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  absolutely extraordinary, you know, because I was somebody who
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  I could not stop. I couldn't stop thinking about
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  it and I couldn't stop drinking it.
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  So to me, you know, the joy of living, you know, really is, you
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  know, I, I understood really very early on that the answer
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  was in the steps. And so I knew that I needed to
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  find somebody who could make sense of these steps to me.
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  You know, what does it mean? What does all this mean, you
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  know, So what does it mean to be powerless?
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  What does it mean to be unmanageable?
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  What does it mean? Come to believe?
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  I, you know, it was just all a complete mystery to me.
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  And of course at that point I couldn't read.
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  I couldn't really. I'd have to sit by the door
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  because I was so traumatised and I couldn't, I didn't know half
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  the time I didn't really know who I was, you know, So I had
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  some beautiful women in a Friday night women's meeting in, in
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  Sydney and they just surrounded me, you know, and just protected
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  me all the time. I, I realised actually that I
• 8:44
  needed almost like a 24 hour security around my sobriety.
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  And I often used to talk about my sobriety as this beautiful
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  diamond, you know, in a, in a black velvet box that needed
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  full, full, you know, scales security because my mind would
• 9:00
  take me to the bottle shop at a drop of a hat.
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  You know, I had to make myself responsible.
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  So the joy of living has really been shown to me by other people
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  in a, a, you know, many, many people actually have shared with
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  me their experience, strength and hope.
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  And I really gained the most, I suppose, from doing the steps,
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  from applying the spiritual principles in my life.
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  I just think it's, I think it's absolutely beautiful, you know,
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  that I can start my day on my knees asking God to direct my
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  thinking, show me what I'm supposed to be doing today.
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  Give me the courage to do that. Take away whatever's in the way,
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  whatever defects in the way, just take it away so that I've
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  got that real plugged in sense, you know, to that spiritual
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  energy frighten. And it's beautiful because I can
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  just go through my day. I can go to work, I can act with
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  integrity. I can speak up when I need to
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  speak up, although that's that's one of those ones, you know,
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  that I need a lot of practice on.
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  But I I'm getting there, you know, I'm practicing that and I
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  can see what my defects of character are, you know, which
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  will always drive me back to getting a drink.
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  So I can really see those things.
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  And I guess, you know, it's a beautiful thing to be actually,
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  you know, fully connected to a, a spiritual power, you know,
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  that's, that's actually guiding my life and showing me what I'm
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  supposed to be doing. I don't need to work it all out
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  at all. My idea in the past was that I
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  just needed to work harder, you know, I just need to work
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  harder, push through. And then I'll be, you know, then
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  I'll deserve and I'll deserve, you know, at least one bottle of
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  wine, maybe more. You know, that was my idea.
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  But my idea today is, you know, I just love coming to these kind
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  of rallies. And thank you for the committee
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  for putting it on. I think you've done an amazing
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  job. I love being in a room full of
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  Alcoholics who really get what I'm saying.
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  You understand what I'm talking about.
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  And yeah, I just, I love being in a A, you know, I really do.
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  It's, it's the core of my life. And the program of A A, the 12
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  steps of a A, they are really, they have really given me the
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  recipe, you know, the instructions, the directions of
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  how to live my life, you know, true, true to myself and using
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  the skills and talents that that God has given me, you know, to
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  the best of my ability, you know, and that's, you know, what
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  more can you ask for really, you know, So thank you.
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  OK. I'm just going to call upon
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  Tonti. Hi, I'm your alcoholic.
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  Thanks for that. My Home group screen slopes and
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  this is a wonderful convention. I just, I just really am amazed
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  how how professional and how attractive that the committee's
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  made the whole convention just in terms of like the emails
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  coming out and that the fact that the thing that Ange read,
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  which I've got a copy in here that I was going to sort of, you
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  know, read from as well, but Ange already read them out.
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  Just really beautifully fitted in with the, the whole big book.
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  It, it's just really great. I, I think you've done a
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  fantastic job. And yeah, give yourself a
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  plaque. You know, in the tradition it
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  says attraction rather than promotion.
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  Well, you hit that one right on the nail, that one.
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  It's really attractive. So the joy of living, you know,
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  like those points that were pointed out, I suppose when I
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  before I got sober, I had moments of joy of living, but
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  nowhere near to the degree that I've had since I got sober.
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  I got sober in 98 and you know, I couldn't work out whether I
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  was an alcoholic or not, but I went on a journey to find out.
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  I knew I was addicted to marijuana but I wasn't sure
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  about alcohol. So I gave that up for marijuana
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  and then I kept drinking and then I saw the what do they call
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  the Whitlams down at the Alexandra Hills Hotel one night
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  and I got in the car and my mate said oh we'll have a joint.
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  And I said hurry up because I've got to get out in the next 3
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  suburbs. I got out of the car and walked
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  across the bonnet as you do. And when I sat on the bed and
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  went oh God I'm stoned again. And I swore off this I was going
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  to be. So I'm.
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  So I looked into whether I was an alcoholic or not and I went
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  on a journey and prayed and I ended up in Armadale and found
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  out a bloke walked up to me and said I can't tell you whether
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  you're an alcoholic or not but I can help you find out.
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  And he took me through the big book and took me through the
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  steps. Without that, I would have been
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  trying to cure my sick mind with my sick mind.
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  And it doesn't work. You know, I, I got to quit
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  playing God, as it says, it's all in this book.
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  And last night I, I couldn't be here.
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  Last night I was at my niece's 21st and I was sober and it was
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  great. All my family was there and you
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  know, it, it, it was just good to be there.
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  And I was seeing my niece who drinks a lot.
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  You know, I don't want to judge or anything, but I'm, I've got
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  to keep a chair maybe for her in, in the next couple of
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  decades maybe. But you know, it was just good
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  to be there. And that's part of the joy of
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  living is, is, is getting to these things, being able to be a
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  part of be part of my family, be part of celebrations.
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  Remember them, remember that they're coming up and remember
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  them the next day after being there, you know, not in a
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  blackout. And there's many, there's many
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  things I, I wanted to touch on when I got home last night.
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  I started to look, you know, at this, at this topic and go
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  through the book in the bits that the committee's put out.
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  And I found some other pieces about the joy of living.
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  You know, I wanted to, I looked long and hard at that, at that,
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  for that bit where it says, and I'll find it now, 'cause I, I, I
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  wrote it down. Why don't I just read it rather
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  than stumble through it? I think it's in 107.
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  There's too many things in this big book.
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  Oops. It's the part that goes on about
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  bills for squarely met, you know, responsibilities met and
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  all that kind of thing. But I will find it, so bear with
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  me. It's always rung very true for
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  me, as if I could live my life that way, I probably would have
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  peace in my head. And that's what I was after.
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  Just a quiet head. Because sometimes I didn't
• 16:30
  relate to being an alcoholic. I didn't drink in the morning, I
• 16:33
  didn't drink it at work. But I related to the thinking
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  and I went to the Cooper Room meeting, I don't know when,
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  about three years into sobriety. 4 years into sobriety, still
• 16:46
  sometimes questioning whether I was an alcoholic.
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  So still not fully grasping the joy of living.
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  And a bloke, his name is Tom, he's passed away now.
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  I swear he was about 7 feet tall that day.
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  It's a disease of perception, you know, and you can have the
• 17:04
  disease of perception in sobriety.
• 17:06
  And I swore he was stood on stage.
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  But those of you who've been to that meeting, Angelico St. know
• 17:11
  there's no stage there. And he looked up, he had a
• 17:15
  beautiful smile. He was an Irish guy.
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  And he said I, he said, you know, I came to a A because I
• 17:19
  wanted peace in my head. And I went, oh God, I'm in the
• 17:23
  right place because that's as it says in here, thinking is my
• 17:27
  problem. You know, drinking and all those
• 17:30
  things are symptoms of the disease.
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  Thinking is the problem. And the joy of living today
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  allows me, when my thinking becomes distorted, that I'm
• 17:41
  aware of it. Before the abnormal was normal.
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  I didn't know that my thinking was thinking.
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  I didn't know I had that problem.
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  And today I'm aware of it and there's those 3A's, I know we're
• 17:56
  in a a, they're the 2A's. The 3A's are awareness,
• 18:00
  acceptance and action. When I can be aware that I'm
• 18:03
  going off, I can then accept it and then pray for guidance about
• 18:09
  what action I should take to change that, change that way of
• 18:13
  being. And then I have peace.
• 18:16
  And then I have a joy of living. And, you know, the joy of living
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  that, that I've found many times in doing service in, in, you
• 18:24
  know, being on committees and going to conventions and, and,
• 18:28
  you know, can also be contrasted with being on those committees
• 18:33
  because sometimes it can be tough because we're full of
• 18:35
  personalities. People used to share that.
• 18:38
  The only problem with Alcoholics Anonymous is that it's full of
• 18:40
  bloody Alcoholics. And that's true.
• 18:43
  But we're not a glum lot. You know, we now had a party
• 18:47
  going to conventions in Canberra and that the, the band, I
• 18:52
  remember being through a few conventions and the bands used
• 18:54
  to say you guys just don't want to go home.
• 18:56
  You all you normally we play and people don't get up to dance
• 18:59
  till about halfway through. You know our, but you guys,
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  everyone gets up straight away and just dances their legs off.
• 19:06
  We're a fantastic lot of people and this program, I believe, has
• 19:11
  given me and gives us the, the joy of living the, the, the
• 19:15
  ability to get in touch with who we really are.
• 19:19
  I always thought, you know better than and less than that
• 19:23
  was my thinking. I ended up under tables because
• 19:25
  I was drunk or standing on them, dancing, falling off with
• 19:29
  bleeding legs or standing on them and pontificating and and
• 19:32
  thinking. I knew everything and now I can
• 19:35
  sit at a table. Now I can be equal to all in my
• 19:39
  thinking. And of course I'm human.
• 19:42
  I err, I do judge. But as I said, I can see that
• 19:46
  that thinking isn't the best. And then I asked to be guided to
• 19:50
  what power can be useful, you know, and I'm going to find this
• 19:55
  passage before I finish that because, you know, as as my
• 20:02
  friend Noel, who's not well at the moment, and I pray for him
• 20:07
  and I ask you to do that, he quotes Bill, you know, one more
• 20:11
  power drive that'll fix it. You know, it's me playing God
• 20:16
  again and wanting to. Wanting to think, oh, I can do
• 20:20
  this, I can fix this. You know, I'm probably doing
• 20:22
  this by trying to find this passage.
• 20:24
  And if I don't find it, I'll save you.
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  I was going through last night, you know, the, the, the
• 20:32
  different parts. I know where it is.
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  See, it's not in the bloody big book in the 12B12 and I was just
• 20:41
  seeing so much in step 12, the beginning of step 12.
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  The first 3 words are 4 words are the joy of living is the
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  theme of a as 12th step and action is the keyword you know,
• 20:57
  And this part here still more wonderful is the feeling that we
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  do not have to be especially distinguished among our fellows
• 21:07
  in order to be useful or profoundly happy.
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  Profoundly happy, Pretty close to the joy of living.
• 21:14
  Not many of us can lead, be leaders of prominence, nor do we
• 21:17
  wish to be. Service gladly rendered,
• 21:21
  obligations squarely met, troubles well accepted or solved
• 21:26
  with God's help. The knowledge that at home or in
• 21:30
  the world outside we are partners in a common effort.
• 21:33
  The well understood fact that in God's sight all human beings are
• 21:37
  important. The proof that love freely given
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  surely brings a full return. The certainty that we are, that
• 21:46
  we are no longer isolated and alone in the self constructed
• 21:50
  prisons. I heard that shed next door and
• 21:53
  I related to it. Isolation gives us a self
• 21:56
  constructed prison and the surety that we need no longer be
• 22:00
  square pegs in round holes, but can fit and belong in God's
• 22:05
  scheme of things. These are the permanent and
• 22:07
  legitimate satisfactions of right living, for which no
• 22:10
  amount of pomp and circumstance, no heap of material possessions
• 22:14
  could possibly be substitute. True ambition is not what we
• 22:19
  thought it was. True ambition is the deep desire
• 22:24
  to live usefully and walk humbly under the grace of God.
• 22:28
  For me, that's the joy of living.
• 22:30
  And the joy of living is that I can wrap this up now and, and,
• 22:38
  and let you all enjoy the rest of the convention a day at a
• 22:41
  time. Thank you.
• 22:49
  We have local meetings for the full week in the local area.
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  Monday is Gala meeting at 8:00. Tuesday is Elizabeth E at 8:00,
• 23:00
  Wednesday is Elizabeth E at 8:00, Thursday is 2 Wells at
• 23:05
  8:00 and Friday is Salisbury at 8:00.
• 23:10
  There's a meeting at Devron Park at 12:00 and on Sunday there's a
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  maintenance Salisbury at 7:00 and many of the meetings in the
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  area. For details of your local
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  meetings, please phone 1300 double 22222.
• 23:28
  And once again, if anyone you know is struggling with alcohol
• 23:31
  issues, please call Alcoholics Anonymous on 1300 Double 22222
• 23:38
  The website isaasa.org dot AUI. Don't want to be the girl or the
• 23:54
  girl who knows Wants to be alone.
• 23:59
  I don't want to be that cold at 4:00 in the morning because I'm
• 24:04
  the only one you know in the world that won't be home.
• 24:10
  The sun is blending and I stayed up again.
• 24:20
  Oh, I'm finding, because that's not the way I want my story to
• 24:28
  end. I'm saved up high.
• 24:34
  Nothing can touch me. Why do I feel this body is so
• 24:39
  bad? You're my protection.
• 24:47
  But how do I feel this girl's so bad?
• 24:51
  I don't want to be the girl that has to feel the silence.
• 24:57
  The quiet scares me because it's strange.
• 25:00
  The truth. Please don't tell me that we had
• 25:04
  that conversation 'cause I won't remember seeing your breakfast
• 25:10
  once for you the the night it's gone in and they get a Christmas
• 25:19
  to me so they come tonight. I'm falling and if I let myself
• 25:30
  go, I'm the only one to play. I'm saved up high.
• 25:37
  Nothing can touch me. But why do I feel this party is
• 25:42
  over? That you like perfection?
• 25:50
  How do I feel this good so bad? Coming down, coming down, coming
• 25:57
  down, coming around. Spin around, spin around.
• 26:00
  I'm looking so bad, coming down, coming down, coming down, spin
• 26:08
  around, spin around, spin around, looking for myself so
• 26:13
  bad. When it's good, then it's good.
• 26:17
  It's so good till it goes bad. Till you're trying to find the
• 26:23
  you that you want to have. I've heard myself cry.
• 26:28
  Never again.