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Monday Mini: Listener Mail · Stuff Mom Never Told You

0:05
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha.
0:06
Speaker 2: A lot of the stuff I never told you protection
0:08
Speaker 2: of iHeart radio. And today we have another listener mail
0:21
Speaker 2: for you. It's been a while since we've done these,
0:24
Speaker 2: so this one's a bit longer. If we don't read
0:26
Speaker 2: your listener mail, please don't read into that. It's not
0:31
Speaker 2: like some kind of personal slight or anything like that.
0:36
Speaker 2: It's just the way sometimes what works out. And also
0:41
Speaker 2: just you know, some of the shorter ones we really appreciate.
0:45
Speaker 2: Please don't stop sending those. But you know I don't
0:48
Speaker 2: want to just go through.
0:49
Speaker 3: Hey, I like this episode.
0:51
Speaker 2: I want to read those, but if they're not in
0:54
Speaker 2: a listener mail, please don't be offended because we do
0:58
Speaker 2: love those. They actually are like the joy some of
1:01
Speaker 2: your great joys. Perhaps we should do a listener man
1:03
Speaker 2: when we just read those. But in the meantime, we
1:07
Speaker 2: do have quite quite a listener male extravaganza for you
1:13
Speaker 2: and Samantha. I figure you can kick this one off.
1:17
Speaker 2: It's a letter about sex and the city.
1:19
Speaker 4: So we have Hakara, which I hope I said your
1:22
Speaker 4: name right. Please let me know. If I didn't, we
1:24
Speaker 4: will correct it. And they wrote I want to write
1:27
Speaker 4: to you that I enjoy your recap episodes of Sex
1:30
Speaker 4: and the City so much. I wish they were every week.
1:33
Speaker 4: It's coming back, I swear that it is. I started
1:36
Speaker 4: watching Sex and the City in high school over ten
1:38
Speaker 4: years ago. Now I love every young listener. They're not young,
1:47
Speaker 4: but in my head, yeah, that statement made me feel
1:50
Speaker 4: old anyway. It was such a major experience because it
1:53
Speaker 4: was the first time that I watched the show where
1:55
Speaker 4: women behaved like women. Back then, I was only watching
1:58
Speaker 4: teen shows like Lee or detective shows like Castle. As
2:02
Speaker 4: a born and bred New Yorker, I also appreciated that
2:04
Speaker 4: I could really see the city and all the glamorous
2:07
Speaker 4: parts of it. Even though it's not a very realistic
2:10
Speaker 4: portrayal of what life in NYC is like, I still
2:13
Speaker 4: loved it. I always thought I was a Charlotte, but
2:16
Speaker 4: now I think I am beginning to be more like Carrie.
2:19
Speaker 4: I'm not too sorry I'd like Charlotte anymore, but maybe
2:22
Speaker 4: more guarded like Carrie. The episodes that you've recently put
2:26
Speaker 4: out are Carrie's post breakup with Big, and I've been
2:28
Speaker 4: finding them extremely relatable. I pick the wrong men, that's
2:31
Speaker 4: the quote. That's how I'm feeling right now too. Oh
2:35
Speaker 4: after a confusing a situationship with a guy. Even though
2:39
Speaker 4: the show came out over twenty years ago, it warns
2:41
Speaker 4: my heart that I still find it relatable. Agreed, agrees,
2:45
Speaker 4: And I like, I like that you bring in situationship
2:48
Speaker 4: because that term didn't exist, yes, at that point in time.
2:52
Speaker 4: And I'm like, I love the level of changes that
2:54
Speaker 4: has happened with this, like all of these shows, but yeah,
2:57
Speaker 4: it is so relatable.
2:58
Speaker 2: It is, and I also appreciate I'm starting to think
3:01
Speaker 2: that when you're younger and you watch the show, you
3:04
Speaker 2: think you're a Charlotte and then you or a lot
3:08
Speaker 2: of people do, because I did too, and then you
3:10
Speaker 2: kind of watch it or kind of like grow and
3:13
Speaker 2: then you're like, no, that's not me.
3:14
Speaker 3: I'm just intrigued by kind of the evolution of it, right.
3:17
Speaker 2: I think that's interesting. We do. And thank you how
3:22
Speaker 2: many people wrote in about after I did my episode
3:25
Speaker 2: about how when fandom hurts you about Harry Potter, because
3:28
Speaker 2: that was really emotional episode for me, and a lot of.
3:31
Speaker 3: You wrote in about it.
3:33
Speaker 2: Helena wrote, like Annie, I was a really strong potterhead
3:36
Speaker 2: and also got a lot of flack for it because
3:38
Speaker 2: I'm closer to Samantha's age, so I also dealt with
3:40
Speaker 2: the whole why are you reading a kid's book in college?
3:43
Speaker 2: And the movement away from the Potter fandom has been hard.
3:46
Speaker 2: It was a gradual shift for me starting around twenty
3:48
Speaker 2: fifteen to twenty sixteen. I think I started relistening to
3:52
Speaker 2: the audio books and just kept catching things that I
3:54
Speaker 2: could finally recognize as problematic. The happy slave trope, the
3:57
Speaker 2: house elves, the stereotyping of different care and their cultures,
4:01
Speaker 2: particularly pan Asian and even some European as well, the
4:04
Speaker 2: casual rape culture, etc. It was hard to really catch
4:07
Speaker 2: and pay attention to these things. After hearing JK. Rolling
4:10
Speaker 2: defend inclusive ideas and interpretations to an extent really made
4:15
Speaker 2: me rethink a lot of what she said Slash defended.
4:18
Speaker 2: After more of the anti trans stuff came to light,
4:20
Speaker 2: I started seeing Slash thinking about things in the book differently.
4:23
Speaker 2: Is the constant use of Tom ridle versus Lord Voldemort
4:26
Speaker 2: a sort of transrature? The insistence on dead naming are
4:30
Speaker 2: not recognizing a chosen name? And again it was hard
4:33
Speaker 2: to rEFInd the joy that I had with the series.
4:35
Speaker 2: I tried at first to argue, hey, it's fanfic or
4:37
Speaker 2: fan inspired, it doesn't count, or give her money. I
4:41
Speaker 2: have a T shirt that I love that says the
4:42
Speaker 2: wand chooses the Wizard over a set of knitting needles
4:45
Speaker 2: I knit as well, and I can't look at it
4:47
Speaker 2: anymore without cringing. It's something I only throw on when
4:50
Speaker 2: I'm doing laundry and not leaving the house now, and
4:53
Speaker 2: I have a hard time reading the fanfic that I
4:54
Speaker 2: used to love. I really appreciated how vulnerable you were being, Annie,
4:58
Speaker 2: and I really appreciated how Samantha was encourage uraging you
5:00
Speaker 2: to just allow yourself to fill and discuss. It was
5:03
Speaker 2: very cathartic. Thank you, and I did appreciate it. Samantha,
5:07
Speaker 2: you were very You were very supportive, and I totally agree.
5:11
Speaker 3: I actually took down I.
5:13
Speaker 2: Told myself I was gonna wait until they fell because
5:16
Speaker 2: I'm lazy. But I took down my Harry Potter posters
5:18
Speaker 2: the other day. They're just bumming me out too much.
5:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you gotta do it well.
5:24
Speaker 2: People kept seeing them in our meetings because we would
5:27
Speaker 2: have like video meetings and you could see them in
5:30
Speaker 2: the background. People to ask me about it, and I
5:31
Speaker 2: was like, I'm tired of having to explain.
5:33
Speaker 3: This so awesome.
5:34
Speaker 2: Cale wrote, Hey, Annie and Samantha, I just wanted to
5:37
Speaker 2: thank you for talking about the painting that goes with
5:39
Speaker 2: saying goodbye to the things that once made you feel safe.
5:41
Speaker 2: I too was a huge Harry Potter fan and still am.
5:44
Speaker 2: I'm trans and I just try to forget JK exist.
5:47
Speaker 2: Your podcast makes me feel safe and has so far
5:49
Speaker 2: at least a couple of years now because of the
5:52
Speaker 2: culture you've created. I will never have to give y'all
5:54
Speaker 2: up because some transphobic feminist ideology, and for that I
5:57
Speaker 2: can't say thanks enough. Please don't think of this as
6:00
Speaker 2: added pressure. Even just listening to you shoot this and
6:03
Speaker 2: make each other laugh is enough for me. Ah yay,
6:07
Speaker 2: that makes.
6:07
Speaker 3: Us so happy. That's a.
6:14
Speaker 2: That's all we want, and we really appreciate it so much.
6:19
Speaker 3: And then Lou Lou.
6:21
Speaker 2: Rips, I really appreciated how you shared your vulnerability about
6:25
Speaker 2: the potentially toxic fandom stuff and how it's affected you.
6:28
Speaker 2: Referencing the episode that came out last week or maybe
6:31
Speaker 2: the week before, I forget. I just wanted to say
6:33
Speaker 2: I don't think it's weird or difficult to understand. What
6:36
Speaker 2: it is difficult to understand is how wealthy folks with
6:38
Speaker 2: incredibly large platforms of influence, who are where they are
6:41
Speaker 2: because they've benefited from a capitalist society that is driven
6:44
Speaker 2: by largely non wealthy people spending what little money they have,
6:48
Speaker 2: refuse to see the responsibility they have towards those folks.
6:51
Speaker 2: Omg run on sen it's not yellow, el, I hear you,
6:56
Speaker 2: And I don't mean this super toxic stuff that happens
6:59
Speaker 2: on social media that is driven by fan bases, like
7:02
Speaker 2: as a rich celebrity, you owe me sharing your life
7:04
Speaker 2: with us as your fans online or whatever. I mean
7:07
Speaker 2: seeing the massive sphere of influence they have and how
7:09
Speaker 2: they can wield that in a totally irresponsible way. Does
7:13
Speaker 2: that mean every celebrity needs to share my ultra liberal
7:16
Speaker 2: belief system. No, but for heaven's sakes, it does mean
7:19
Speaker 2: that celebrities need to reflect on their actions, just like
7:22
Speaker 2: we all do. If I screw up in my life
7:24
Speaker 2: and hurt my friend's feelings and she comes back and
7:27
Speaker 2: tells me I am horrified, and I listen and I respond,
7:30
Speaker 2: But do we maybe sometimes fundamentally disagree. Maybe sometimes but
7:35
Speaker 2: I can still acknowledge how my actions hurt her and
7:38
Speaker 2: work towards compromise. I don't think it's too much to
7:40
Speaker 2: ask celebrities to do that reflection too. I think that's
7:43
Speaker 2: a good point. I haven't ever thought about it like that. Yeah,
7:47
Speaker 2: if I had said something that hurt you, I would
7:50
Speaker 2: feel bad.
7:52
Speaker 4: And it least right, like if I'd known that, and
7:56
Speaker 4: I would want to correct that.
7:58
Speaker 3: That's or at least at least listen to you right.
8:05
Speaker 3: So it feels like she just shuts down.
8:06
Speaker 2: She won't even listen to it right.
8:08
Speaker 1: And then he plays victim, which is worse.
8:10
Speaker 4: This is gaslighting when victim when someone asks you to
8:13
Speaker 4: do something and think about it and they're like, no,
8:15
Speaker 4: how dare you?
8:17
Speaker 2: That was my accent for Jacobs excellent as always.
8:33
Speaker 4: We got a couple of messages about my episode about identity,
8:36
Speaker 4: and Jade wrote, I was behind on my episodes and
8:39
Speaker 4: finally listened to the one from last month around adoption
8:41
Speaker 4: and identity and want to thank you for sharing more
8:44
Speaker 4: about your adoption story and recent updates. I'm a late
8:47
Speaker 4: thirties Korean adoptee who also didn't start exploring Korean culture
8:51
Speaker 4: or my history until I was an adult, and many
8:53
Speaker 4: things you said in the episode resonated with me or
8:55
Speaker 4: just made me feel seen as the kids say.
8:58
Speaker 2: Agreed.
8:58
Speaker 4: I also have gotten in contact with the agency in
9:01
Speaker 4: Korea that handled my adoption and have been sitting on
9:04
Speaker 4: submity requirements for birth search. Overall, I feel like there's
9:07
Speaker 4: still a very little open conversation about this topic and
9:09
Speaker 4: the media, and it's just really reassuring to hear someone
9:12
Speaker 4: going through the same questions in mental hurdles. Thank you
9:14
Speaker 4: again for sharing your story. Yes, Jay, thank you for writing,
9:17
Speaker 4: because yeah, I also felt seen as the kids say
9:21
Speaker 4: and then Helena or Helena, I really hope I'm saying
9:24
Speaker 4: this right. Please correct me once you hear this, because
9:27
Speaker 4: I want to make sure I get it right and
9:29
Speaker 4: no disrespect at all. But they did send this note.
9:33
Speaker 4: I do have issues with my name, which is also
9:35
Speaker 4: why I want to correctly say your name. I hate it,
9:38
Speaker 4: and I've hated it for a longer than I can remember.
9:41
Speaker 4: Every time someone tells me but it's so pretty, I
9:44
Speaker 4: want to laugh in their face. It's a relatively short name,
9:47
Speaker 4: but no one is ever able to pronounce it correctly.
9:49
Speaker 4: I apologize and many seem to still pronounce it incorrectly,
9:54
Speaker 4: even after I correct them. I'm supposed to be named
9:56
Speaker 4: after some relative that's been long gone, but it turns
9:59
Speaker 4: out no one knew how she pronounced it either. My
10:01
Speaker 4: parents picked one option, and it's evidently the wrong one.
10:04
Speaker 4: I've also just struggled with it as I've grown and
10:07
Speaker 4: changed and learned more about my own identity, my sense
10:10
Speaker 4: of gender, and so much more. I feel so stuck
10:12
Speaker 4: with it. It's a name I hate, but I can't
10:14
Speaker 4: seem to get away from, nor can I think of
10:16
Speaker 4: anything else. I've used the nickname in the past, but
10:19
Speaker 4: there's also issues with that in terms of quote, adulting
10:22
Speaker 4: or professionalism, what have you. So a lot of agreement
10:25
Speaker 4: with Samantha this time around. Different issues at the root
10:28
Speaker 4: of it, but still very relevant. But names are important.
10:31
Speaker 4: I always like the one transmeme of a mom holding
10:34
Speaker 4: their kid and saying, I gave you this name when
10:36
Speaker 4: you didn't have a voice, and now you've chosen a
10:38
Speaker 4: new one that fits you better. If names are a gift,
10:41
Speaker 4: can I just find one in the right size and style.
10:43
Speaker 4: I hope Samantha's journey goes smoothly.
10:45
Speaker 1: Oh, I've never seen that meme. No, I want to
10:48
Speaker 1: find it. That's such a good thing.
10:50
Speaker 4: And then in the friend of the Show, Ray, who I
10:52
Speaker 4: have quoted because I feel like she's a mentor.
10:55
Speaker 1: Now, Ray, if you hear me, I'd feel.
10:57
Speaker 4: Like you're a mentor or was She always encouraging and
11:00
Speaker 4: is so loving. I'm sorry if we don't respond all
11:02
Speaker 4: the time, and sometimes I get away from social media.
11:03
Speaker 4: I'm like, nope, but she has some really good responses,
11:07
Speaker 4: and she did. She wrote in about the name episode
11:09
Speaker 4: as well, and she wrote, while smitha, I just listened
11:12
Speaker 4: to names and identity and I'm so sorry to hear
11:15
Speaker 4: how conflicted you are and just how bizarrely hard Georgia
11:19
Speaker 4: makes it to change your name. I hope that you're
11:21
Speaker 4: able to find clarity around this. And then she goes
11:24
Speaker 4: on to share an anecdote of her own life and I'm
11:27
Speaker 4: not going to share that because I feel like it's
11:29
Speaker 4: too personal. So Ray, if you want me to share it,
11:31
Speaker 4: I can, But I'm like, I didn't give permission from
11:34
Speaker 4: her quite yet. It gives her like full name, so
11:36
Speaker 4: I won't do that unless you want me to. Ray,
11:38
Speaker 4: But she does talk about how in her own life
11:41
Speaker 4: through getting married. She's had to struggle with this and
11:44
Speaker 4: even having to explain her name because yes, she as
11:49
Speaker 4: one ethnicity, is explaining a different type of name. So
11:53
Speaker 4: I'm like, oh, she, Ray really gets it. But she
11:57
Speaker 4: goes on to say at the very end all this
11:58
Speaker 4: to say that I don't think imagining the struggle you're
12:01
Speaker 4: going through, and I definitely see it as a valid one.
12:04
Speaker 4: I know in my case, I had a whole thirty
12:05
Speaker 4: five years before marriage to develop a grounded identity, which
12:09
Speaker 4: you didn't have before your adoption. So I'm sure I
12:11
Speaker 4: still don't understand the majority of it, but I do
12:13
Speaker 4: get a taste and I empathize. I hope you continue
12:15
Speaker 4: to surround yourself with awesome people like Annie and your
12:18
Speaker 4: partner who can help you walk through the potential name change,
12:21
Speaker 4: identity discovery. Hugxy you, and please keep us posted on
12:24
Speaker 4: what you decide. I will have a beer waiting for
12:27
Speaker 4: that happy hour update. So Ray, thanks again, Like she's
12:31
Speaker 4: just got such sweet messages.
12:32
Speaker 1: Look, I must share.
12:35
Speaker 2: Lovely thank you. Uh So, now we have kind of
12:41
Speaker 2: a bunch of random A mixed.
12:43
Speaker 1: Bag, A mixed bag.
12:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, starting with Elizabeth. Elizabeth wrote your episode about the
12:49
Speaker 2: first involving the Women's World Cup reminded me about a
12:53
Speaker 2: book I read recently and about the founding of the
12:55
Speaker 2: Women's Rugby World Cup. It's a great story involving the
12:58
Speaker 2: players themselves deciding to make it happen, and then the
13:00
Speaker 2: rugby world began to accept them. These women would make
13:04
Speaker 2: a good episode and probably willing to give an interviewer too,
13:08
Speaker 2: or the book would be a good book club recommendation.
13:11
Speaker 2: The title is World in Their Hands, The Story of
13:14
Speaker 2: the First Women's Rugby World Cup. Yeah.
13:18
Speaker 3: I have a lot of friends who played rugby, so.
13:20
Speaker 1: I don't know anyone.
13:24
Speaker 3: Katieh Ritney, Oh yeah, Marissa.
13:29
Speaker 2: May she did not for long, but she did ahead rugby.
13:34
Speaker 2: I think they mostly played it at Georgia Tech somehow,
13:37
Speaker 2: even though I didn't go to Georgia Tech. What happened now?
13:41
Speaker 2: I think maybe they played against people at Georgia Tech
13:44
Speaker 2: and then I saw them in that way anyway, Anyway,
13:48
Speaker 2: Chris wrote in the official novel version of Star Trek
13:51
Speaker 2: the Motion picture, Kirk makes a comment early in the
13:54
Speaker 2: book and his log that some people in Starfleet thought
13:57
Speaker 2: their deep friendship also meant they were lovers. His comment
14:01
Speaker 2: in his log was that he couldn't get together with
14:03
Speaker 2: someone only for once for seven years. What Sorry as
14:09
Speaker 2: a teen, that was crazy eye opening to me, But
14:11
Speaker 2: it also seemed logical to me that in the twenty
14:14
Speaker 2: third century the world would have evolved beyond the nineteen nineties. Interesting, Chris,
14:20
Speaker 2: you can correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe
14:22
Speaker 2: that is in reference to Spock and how vulcans uh
14:28
Speaker 2: pursue relationships.
14:29
Speaker 4: None of this means anything to me except for Spuck
14:32
Speaker 4: and that's it.
14:33
Speaker 2: Wow, Star trek Oh.
14:35
Speaker 4: I know nothing and I'll not watch this with you. Annia, Now, no,
14:38
Speaker 4: we're not doing that.
14:40
Speaker 3: We're sure I did.
14:42
Speaker 2: I replied to Chris, and I said, I do think
14:44
Speaker 2: this is one of my favorite things about science fiction, though,
14:46
Speaker 2: is that you can't imagine the world beyond the nineteen nineties.
14:51
Speaker 1: Aliens exists, so.
14:53
Speaker 2: Which, speaking of Rachel wrote, oh MG, loving the XLED episode.
14:59
Speaker 2: Only half I've done, but I'm praying you And with
15:01
Speaker 2: Bree Sharp's David Dukefney's song about the worldwide crush on him,
15:04
Speaker 2: we did not end on that. I had never heard
15:06
Speaker 2: of that, but guest co host Lauren made sure I
15:09
Speaker 2: listened to it when I brought up this mail to her.
15:13
Speaker 2: I never heard of it. I love this, so thank you.
15:17
Speaker 2: I'm glad you enjoyed it. Sam wrote, I listened to
15:20
Speaker 2: the episode on sexism and survival movies. I found it
15:23
Speaker 2: validating because concepts were address which I'd brought up with
15:26
Speaker 2: other people previous, but those people didn't understand what I meant. Recently,
15:30
Speaker 2: I watched Katla on Netflix Katla Katla. Hopefully I got
15:34
Speaker 2: it some word in the realm of right after a
15:37
Speaker 2: friend had recommended it. At first, I was excited because
15:39
Speaker 2: I love shows with beautiful landscapes. Also, I spent a
15:43
Speaker 2: very brief time living in remote Iceland, making me familiar
15:46
Speaker 2: with the stories of Katla. By the end, though, I
15:49
Speaker 2: was left feeling incredibly uncomfortable by sexist tropes. Kotla is
15:52
Speaker 2: sort of a survival TV show mixed with sci fi
15:55
Speaker 2: thriller and maybe a touch of horror. In Katla, Katla
15:58
Speaker 2: has erupted, making Vic uninhabitable. Then clones start coming from
16:02
Speaker 2: the ash. The show opens with the protagonist Grima. She
16:06
Speaker 2: wears dark hoodies, no makeup, has her waistling pair pulled
16:10
Speaker 2: back in a low ponytail, and has a fiscal labor job.
16:13
Speaker 2: I felt immediately excited because I was like, awesome, a
16:16
Speaker 2: protagonist who is just like me. Icelan is super progressive.
16:20
Speaker 2: But no, the show does not come to portray this
16:22
Speaker 2: as a good thing. Sure enough, Agreema clone appears that
16:25
Speaker 2: wears bright makeup, cute sweaters, and doesn't tie her hair up.
16:28
Speaker 2: This clone, of course, starts having sex with her husband
16:31
Speaker 2: and makes him happier by being more cheery. Clone Grima
16:35
Speaker 2: just finds paint redicorates the house while Vick falls apart,
16:38
Speaker 2: throwing out her dead mother's and sister's stuff, showing she
16:41
Speaker 2: is over them. The husband character praises her for this behavior.
16:45
Speaker 2: It is shown as healthy. I do think Greema had
16:49
Speaker 2: an unhealthy relationship with Loss and her husband, but id K.
16:54
Speaker 2: Maybe the show should have shown them trying better help
16:57
Speaker 2: for couples and individual therapy, but not Colne Grema being
17:00
Speaker 2: a good housekeeper and having sex with her not great husband. Also,
17:03
Speaker 2: as someone who works on houses, I was insulted by
17:06
Speaker 2: the paint thing. You can't use twenty year old paint.
17:09
Speaker 2: Paint is incredibly expensive to just on a whim redecorate
17:13
Speaker 2: your old house. There was no painting prep anyway, I
17:17
Speaker 2: felt frustrated by her whole character art. The show had
17:21
Speaker 2: many other issues. I took issue with anow there. For examples,
17:24
Speaker 2: Greema's dad had an affair and their mother commits suicide
17:27
Speaker 2: over it. Greema's dead sister's clone forgives the clone of
17:30
Speaker 2: the woman her dad had an affair with, but never
17:33
Speaker 2: speaks to her dad. It seems bizarre to me, like
17:37
Speaker 2: blame the minstress. I brought this up to the friend
17:39
Speaker 2: that suggested it, and they just strugged it off. I
17:42
Speaker 2: felt hurt that a newest show from Iceland that had
17:44
Speaker 2: one hundred percent on Rotten Tomatoes still had many sexist tropes.
17:49
Speaker 2: After that, I felt very relieved by the episode. Any
17:51
Speaker 2: producer this week.
17:55
Speaker 1: That's such a gold email, Like I see this. It
17:57
Speaker 1: feels like when you watch something you know that's not
17:59
Speaker 1: how I got. That's not real. It's so good.
18:04
Speaker 4: I get this, like social work, same thing, Like that's
18:06
Speaker 4: not that's not a thing, that's not what you do.
18:08
Speaker 2: What is this? I love that so much. It's real. Yes,
18:14
Speaker 2: it's real. Yes, and I agree. This actually makes me.
18:18
Speaker 2: I've had a loose idea for something related to this
18:20
Speaker 2: for a while, but I think there's a strange thing
18:26
Speaker 2: that's happening with sort of the anti heroine. That's there's
18:31
Speaker 2: a line between we need to she needs to work
18:35
Speaker 2: on herself from her own perspective, like this is healthy
18:39
Speaker 2: versus everyone else being like let's just throw her away.
18:42
Speaker 2: Look at this really happy version, Like I don't know,
18:45
Speaker 2: there's a I've been thinking about this for a while actually,
18:49
Speaker 2: so we should come back to that.
18:50
Speaker 4: Yeah, And it's a fair point, Like and it's so
18:52
Speaker 4: disappointing when you think it's gonna be good because everybody
18:54
Speaker 4: hypes it up and then you watch it and you're like,
18:56
Speaker 4: that's I felt that white about that. The newer version
18:59
Speaker 4: of Mad Max was Shirley's throne. I was like, this
19:02
Speaker 4: is not what they said. Wait what people will put
19:05
Speaker 4: such a big caveat to and then you come back
19:06
Speaker 4: and be like but what Yeah, And Meghan wrote I
19:21
Speaker 4: want to write in because I'm getting so worried about
19:24
Speaker 4: social media as my kids grow older, and I have
19:26
Speaker 4: no idea how to navigate it. As a mom of
19:28
Speaker 4: three ages nine, twelve, and fourteen, I find myself at
19:31
Speaker 4: a loss when it comes navigating this digital landscape. My oldest,
19:34
Speaker 4: who is about to graduate eighth grade is starting to
19:36
Speaker 4: express a desire to get social media, and she keeps
19:40
Speaker 4: talking about how all of her friends have it. However,
19:42
Speaker 4: I can't help but worry about the realistic standards it
19:45
Speaker 4: says and how that could affect her development and self identity.
19:48
Speaker 4: I've done a lot of digging and I decided to
19:50
Speaker 4: let her use this app called Daily dy Lyy. It's
19:54
Speaker 4: a social media app that doesn't allow filters or edits
19:57
Speaker 4: and you can only post real time, and it's mis
20:00
Speaker 4: is to bring the casualness and realness of posting back
20:03
Speaker 4: to social media. I've told my friends about it and
20:05
Speaker 4: they're all on board as well. Could be worth it
20:08
Speaker 4: to check it out. Am I crazy for not wanting
20:10
Speaker 4: her to get Instagram and TikTok? I want her to
20:12
Speaker 4: grow up like an average kid and not miss out
20:15
Speaker 4: on things her friends are doing. I just wish social
20:19
Speaker 4: media wasn't so toxic, especially for girls.
20:22
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's legitimate.
20:23
Speaker 4: I can't imagine just working in a field of social
20:27
Speaker 4: work and being with teens and seeing this. I had
20:32
Speaker 4: told my own family movie So, I don't have children,
20:34
Speaker 4: but I have nieces and nephew, and I expressed to
20:37
Speaker 4: them don't do this, don't allow them on it unless
20:40
Speaker 4: you are truly able to monitor them. I always die hard, like,
20:43
Speaker 4: don't give them a cell phone. Don't give them a
20:45
Speaker 4: cell phone until like they're responsible enough to understand what
20:48
Speaker 4: this is because there's too many access Unfortunately we all
20:51
Speaker 4: have so have like PlayStations and all that that.
20:54
Speaker 1: Allow for networks.
20:56
Speaker 4: But I get the fear, like that is legitimate, not
21:00
Speaker 4: even talking about like when we talk about predators and
21:04
Speaker 4: being groomed, but yeah, talking about how toxic it is,
21:07
Speaker 4: especially for girls and what it is and honestly toxic
21:11
Speaker 4: for young men, young boys as well. Teaching this happen
21:14
Speaker 4: and thinking that it's okay. Like I've seen more and
21:16
Speaker 4: more TikTok videos recently, I say of like young teens
21:23
Speaker 4: going after people, and then Johnny be like, but I'm
21:25
Speaker 4: a kid, why are you being made to me? But
21:26
Speaker 4: like they are giving off some of the most awful things,
21:29
Speaker 4: saying the most awful things, and it's like, yeah, because
21:32
Speaker 4: you're doing this, you need to be called out. Don't
21:33
Speaker 4: get me wrong, I don't want them to be bullied
21:35
Speaker 4: or anything, but the legitimate fact is that they're learning
21:38
Speaker 4: that they think they think they can do these things,
21:41
Speaker 4: creating even more of a toxic culture, which is so scary.
21:45
Speaker 4: So I could not imagine going through all of that
21:49
Speaker 4: and having to do this. And I've never heard of
21:51
Speaker 4: this app, so I'm interested in. I have a friend
21:54
Speaker 4: who works for an app called Bark, which is a
21:58
Speaker 4: startup that helps monitor children as well as apparently they've
22:01
Speaker 4: done like catch a predator type of thing wow as
22:06
Speaker 4: well and like to help investigations all that to say,
22:11
Speaker 4: don't do that. I don't know what that is, but
22:13
Speaker 4: they most of it is just like being alerting parents
22:17
Speaker 4: to like things that they need to be aware of
22:19
Speaker 4: and things that could be on the site, and like
22:21
Speaker 4: help monitor what their children are looking at.
22:24
Speaker 1: That's the whole thing.
22:25
Speaker 4: Like again, as a nanny, I was like, uh ah,
22:28
Speaker 4: don't you can. They can only have it if they're
22:29
Speaker 4: present in front of me, and like begging them not to,
22:33
Speaker 4: like you're going to make your life harder and mind
22:36
Speaker 4: harder by allowing this. But yeah, and it's now the norm,
22:40
Speaker 4: So what do you do right?
22:43
Speaker 2: Right? And unfortunately we've talked about this too. It's being
22:47
Speaker 2: weaponized and like, like there are legitimate concerns here. I
22:51
Speaker 2: can't even imagine being a parent and yeah, deal with this,
22:55
Speaker 2: but like with the especially like around weight or body image.
23:00
Speaker 2: But then it's being used by people who are not
23:02
Speaker 2: in good faith for things like Kosa, which we've talked about,
23:07
Speaker 2: which is not targeting that at all, but they're using
23:09
Speaker 2: that as kind of a front. So it's unfortunate and
23:12
Speaker 2: it's a mess, and I don't really have a good answer.
23:15
Speaker 4: For well, you know, I think I will say as
23:17
Speaker 4: a person who again has worked in this field and
23:20
Speaker 4: has been a nanny and has all these things, not
23:22
Speaker 4: a parent, putting that caveat there, but I have worked
23:25
Speaker 4: in the field. I have been there that that was
23:27
Speaker 4: my profession for twenty years. It is I have seen
23:32
Speaker 4: more kids that seem resentful at the beginning about it
23:36
Speaker 4: come out later saying thank you. I'm very very grateful
23:39
Speaker 4: that I was able to monitor this. And this is
23:41
Speaker 4: included my niece and nephew because I had very like
23:44
Speaker 4: different like I have two siblings who had kids, and
23:46
Speaker 4: they had very different ways of doing things, and it
23:48
Speaker 4: shows and even though one they were going through their
23:52
Speaker 4: own trauma, but like they didn't have access, they got
23:55
Speaker 4: it when they're eighteen and they are actually one of
23:59
Speaker 4: them who didn't have access to lighteen. It's a social
24:01
Speaker 4: media coordinator for university here in Georgia. Like, she's fine,
24:06
Speaker 4: she's learned social media, but she didn't have access to
24:09
Speaker 4: it and comes back and says, I'm glad I didn't
24:11
Speaker 4: see that until I was at least a little more
24:13
Speaker 4: established in my confidence.
24:15
Speaker 1: And she's one of the most confident young women that
24:17
Speaker 1: I've met, and I love her endure her.
24:19
Speaker 4: But like it's true, Like it's I've seen more people,
24:21
Speaker 4: even though they may have been resentful at the beginning,
24:25
Speaker 4: if your intentions are pure and being a protective parent
24:28
Speaker 4: later coming in and saying thank you, than I have
24:31
Speaker 4: being those who were given it to early having like
24:35
Speaker 4: oh man, like I'm great.
24:37
Speaker 1: I'm like they they.
24:38
Speaker 4: Had a lot of problems on social media as a kid,
24:40
Speaker 4: and I was very sad that they had to go
24:42
Speaker 4: through that.
24:42
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean we've talked about it before, but
24:48
Speaker 2: we were on a different track where like our parents
24:50
Speaker 2: didn't necessarily have to do that because it didn't really
24:52
Speaker 2: exist for me. Yeah, like I had something, but I'm
24:58
Speaker 2: glad that I didn't have this. I will say that
25:01
Speaker 2: it wasn't even an option for me. So it's sort
25:03
Speaker 2: of different, but I am actually pretty glad. Here's a
25:09
Speaker 2: final message here from Joanna. I was listening to one
25:13
Speaker 2: of your last episodes when Annie you mentioned being hard
25:16
Speaker 2: of hearing. Your experience mirrors mine so much. The trying
25:20
Speaker 2: not to tell people and making sure people were on
25:22
Speaker 2: my good hearing side, trying to pass off that I
25:24
Speaker 2: was listening when I was only understanding half of what
25:27
Speaker 2: was said. It really rang true, especially because I started
25:30
Speaker 2: losing my hearing on the left side when I was
25:32
Speaker 2: in my late twenties early thirties, the prime age for ostosclerosis,
25:36
Speaker 2: and it wasn't obvious at first. I have to say
25:39
Speaker 2: things have gotten much better, not perfect, but better once
25:42
Speaker 2: I actually had my hearing assessed and got a hearing aid.
25:45
Speaker 2: The adjustment period was rough, super tiring, but once I
25:49
Speaker 2: was adjusted, it really empowered me to talk to other
25:51
Speaker 2: people about it. My colleagues all know I'm hard of
25:54
Speaker 2: hearing and have no problems accommodating me when necessary, like
25:57
Speaker 2: close captions on zoom calls or moving to a space
26:00
Speaker 2: to work when in person. It's been a journey, but
26:03
Speaker 2: I'm in a good space about it now, even knowing
26:07
Speaker 2: I'll probably need to get a hearing aid for my
26:08
Speaker 2: right year. In the next three to five years, I
26:11
Speaker 2: hope you can continue in your hearing lost journey and
26:13
Speaker 2: start feeling more empowered to ask for accommodations from others.
26:17
Speaker 2: It really does help. Just want to close by saying
26:21
Speaker 2: I love the podcast. You both kept me entertained during
26:23
Speaker 2: many long runs of the years, but especially during marathon
26:26
Speaker 2: training this winter.
26:28
Speaker 3: Oh well goodness, I yes.
26:31
Speaker 4: I keep thinking about my days of running. I'm like,
26:33
Speaker 4: I do that, but I can't do that.
26:37
Speaker 2: Similar I'm like, I want to do it again, and
26:39
Speaker 2: I'm like, but do you.
26:41
Speaker 1: I have the one time I did the I can't
26:45
Speaker 1: do more than this, but thank you very.
26:49
Speaker 2: Much for your message. I actually, when I was in Vegas,
26:51
Speaker 2: I had a moment where I was like, should I
26:53
Speaker 2: tell people that I can't? Should I ask for them
26:56
Speaker 2: to move? I didn't. But then I had another moment
26:59
Speaker 2: where so many people were talking around me, which you know,
27:03
Speaker 2: you can get from hearing loss, but you can also
27:05
Speaker 2: get from just processing issues.
27:07
Speaker 3: But I was literally like I almost got.
27:11
Speaker 2: Angry, Like it was like the emotion you get when
27:14
Speaker 2: you like the anxiety is building. Yeah, and I was
27:17
Speaker 2: just mad.
27:18
Speaker 3: Yeah, I didn't take it out on anybody.
27:21
Speaker 1: I don't think you would, but it was I was like,
27:25
Speaker 1: did you get the situation?
27:27
Speaker 2: Okay, I did not know.
27:30
Speaker 1: You'll get there.
27:32
Speaker 2: I will. Yeah. It's funny though, because two of the
27:36
Speaker 2: people I was with asked to move because they're left handed,
27:39
Speaker 2: which is totally legitimate.
27:40
Speaker 3: I was like, they asked to move, why can I
27:43
Speaker 3: ask the move?
27:44
Speaker 4: Literally, like I'm not gonna be a part of this
27:46
Speaker 4: conversation I was.
27:48
Speaker 2: I was sitting there like oh, and I was right
27:52
Speaker 2: in the middle, so it was like very obvious.
27:55
Speaker 4: Anyway, I've learned to read your face when you don't
27:57
Speaker 4: know what I'm saying but you're not asking, but you're
27:59
Speaker 4: just like duh.
28:02
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, she didn't hear me.
28:03
Speaker 3: We have to.
28:05
Speaker 2: Do this again, yes, which I appreciate, but thank you
28:10
Speaker 2: I have. I've gotten a lot of solace from people
28:13
Speaker 2: sharing their experiences.
28:14
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes, I know. I feel like that.
28:17
Speaker 4: That's part of our podcasting is like, yes, we are
28:19
Speaker 4: vulnerable and share. But then it's kind of like, oh,
28:22
Speaker 4: thanks for all the love. This is such a good
28:25
Speaker 4: pad on but reassurance.
28:27
Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
28:28
Speaker 2: We hearing from you listeners is amazing. Thank you so
28:33
Speaker 2: much to everyone who wrote in for this, To everyone
28:37
Speaker 2: who has written in, we love it. We love hearing
28:40
Speaker 2: from you. We really do appreciate it. And if you
28:42
Speaker 2: want to contact us you can. Our email is Stephanie
28:45
Speaker 2: and mom Steff at Iheartmande dot com. You can find
28:47
Speaker 2: us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast, or on Instagram
28:49
Speaker 2: and TikTok at Stuff. We never told you. We have
28:52
Speaker 2: a tea public store and a book you can get
28:55
Speaker 2: at Stuff. You should read books dot com or where
28:56
Speaker 2: we get your books. Thanks. It's always to our super
28:59
Speaker 2: produce Grace, our executive producer Maya, and our contributor Joey.
29:02
Speaker 4: Yes, thank you, and all the people who've actually bought
29:04
Speaker 4: eye book and sending us messages and pictures. Thank you
29:06
Speaker 4: so much, Oh my gosh, thank you so so much,
29:10
Speaker 4: and thanks for listening.
29:12
Speaker 2: I'm a step I never told these objection of my
29:14
Speaker 2: Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my Heart Radio, you
29:15
Speaker 2: can check out the heart Radio app, Apple podcast wherever
29:18
Speaker 2: you listen to your favorite shows.