Latest / The Boujee Multipreneur / Leading Through Life Transitions: Protecting Your Energy as a Business Owner

Transcript

Leading Through Life Transitions: Protecting Your Energy as a Business Owner · The Boujee Multipreneur

• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to the Bougie Multipreneur.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Dr.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Hillary.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Today's episode is one I think every business owner, especially women, need to hear.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because if everything feels heavy right now, it's not always your workload.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's your energy.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: That's why we're going to talk about protecting your energy as a business owner.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: So this is something I didn't fully understand for a long time.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: I used to think I just need more time, right?
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: More time in the day.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Or I just need to be more productive.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: I need to organize my schedule better.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_00: Or I just need to push harder.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: I need to work more than my 40 hours a week.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: But the reality was I wasn't running out of time.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: I was running out of energy.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: And these are two very different problems because you can have the same schedule, the same number of hours, the same responsibilities, but your energy is different.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Everything feels heavier.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: So for me, I noticed this a couple of years ago when uh my father passed away, and things had to keep going on, right?
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: I still had the same kids, the same house, the same family to do, to deal with, right?
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_00: Not deal with, but you know what I mean?
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: I still had all the responsibilities on me just because part of my heart was broken and work.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: I still had multiple businesses to run, and life was hard.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: It was heavy.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have to do more workload, but everything just felt overwhelming.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_00: My creativity was gone.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: I noticed that's one of the first things that leaves me is when my life is stressed and I feel depleted, my creativity is gone.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm talking about creating these podcasts, social media things, working on any marketing stuff for my office.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: I pride myself on my creativity and my thinking outside the box, if you will, and coming up with ideas.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: And as a business coach, this is what I help my clients with, but I couldn't come up with ideas.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: I I don't know where.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: It was really rough for me.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing changed.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, I even worked less because I had nothing else to give and I needed time for myself.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: So let's talk about where your energy might be going.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because most of the time it's not the obvious things, it's the subtle ones.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like people.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: Family, yes.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: Kids, maybe.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just kidding.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: Um, not every conversation is necessary, and not every relationship is equal.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: This is where you you might have to decide who gets your time.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: Does your family get all your time?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: Do they do you have to talk to them about giving you some space?
• 3:34
  SPEAKER_00: And this is your mommy's time out or something.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Um, who are you giving your time to?
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: And is it the right people to give your time to?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: So pay attention to that because you don't need to listen to everyone and talk through everything with someone.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like you might have enough on your plate right now, and you might just say you can't, like to overcommitting to things, right?
• 4:01
  SPEAKER_00: We say yes to things that we really want to say no to, and we keep things on our calendar that don't align with us anymore.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_00: I've gotten really good at just saying, No, I can't come to that book club tonight.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: I need a me time.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: But I used to be a yes girl, and so learning to say no when your body or your brain or something is telling you that you are overcommitted and you're tired and you're worn out.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, you want to see the women and you want to do that event, and you want to meet with one new client, but you are tired, you need to recognize some boundaries, and maybe that's um a daily writing down in a journal what time of day you felt done when when you last gave out.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: And speaking of journals, I hate writing, I hate my handwriting.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: I'm left-hander, hello, lefties.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: But I do a journal app and I just do the audio.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: I just verbally say everything, I just spew it all out, and I find that that works well.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And then I relook at it and like, yeah, that's that's good enough for me.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, what about overthinking?
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: How many of us are replaying conversations or we're worrying about outcomes, trying to control things you can't control?
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, this is me like all over the board.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: I do replay conversations, especially laying there at night, trying to go to sleep.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, should I have done that?
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: Should I have said that?
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_00: What about tomorrow?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: This is what I'm gonna do.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: If this doesn't work, I'm gonna do this, then this.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Worrying about the outcomes of things, even down the road.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: We're trying to control things you can't control.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: I love to be in control.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm type A all there, all day, every day.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: And then I have to say to myself, well, there must be a reason for the way this is happening, right?
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Right now, as I'm recording this podcast, I'm having to get a divorce and sell my dream house.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: And it was really rough learning this.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: And now I say to myself, there must be a reason.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like God and the universe are putting this out there for a reason, and I don't know it right now.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: And I will trust in this because as I do trust, things always work out for me.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's when I push against something and make everything so difficult all the time that it in the end, it's like I should have just trusted the process, right?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Don't try to control things I can't control.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: Don't worry about the outcome.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: I'm sure I'll find another house.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, we're not gonna go homeless.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: It'll be fine.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: I still have a job.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Like, life's not that bad.
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Um, that alone will drain you faster than anything else.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: That overthinking, that worrying, that control.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, I know it's so rough, you guys.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: If you are like me, you're thinking, I know, but I like to control things too.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: I get it.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: It's me trying to control this or that, or control how how the divorce is going, or can control how the kids are gonna respond to things.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Just let it go.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Just talk about things and let the universe decide.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: There you were meant for something, and you just have to go with the flow a little bit.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't love it.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna lie.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: This is really hard to go with the flow for me.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: But I do know in past stories and past chapters of my life, letting go and letting something happen that's meant to happen always works out for me.
• 7:47
  SPEAKER_00: You know, trusting that gut, that female intuition, whatever you want to call it.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: My prayers, I ask why and why are we doing this and uh keep me strong during this?
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: And it does work out.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: I have to admit, there's never been a time that didn't work out for me when I just trusted the process.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: What about saying no to going to all of like your book clubs and events and parties?
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's the boundaries, you guys.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: This is where we need to really establish boundaries, but reframe it.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Boundaries don't have to be negative, it's not selfish, it's a leadership because you are protecting your energy.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: This way you can show up better for your patients and clients.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: You can lead your team more effectively, you can think more clearly, and you can make better decisions.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: When you're all over the place, don't you think it's hard to make decisions when your brain is just scattered everywhere?
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard to think clearly, it's hard to run things.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, heck, just to do a staff team meeting.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: If you're all over the place because your energy is expanded, how are you really being effective?
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: And as a chiropractor, I need to be in a good headspace for my patients.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: I need to give them positive, full energy, not a depleted doctor that is negative because of life situations.
• 9:13
  SPEAKER_00: No, things to ask yourself does this need me right now?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever it is, does this event, party, club, does this need me right now?
• 9:27
  SPEAKER_00: Is it aligned with where I'm going?
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: For instance, me going to multiple book clubs or parties and uh neighborhood social events, is it aligned with where I'm going?
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Because is it healthy?
• 9:44
  SPEAKER_00: Do I feel recharged and aligned afterwards, or do I feel tired and I drink too much wine?
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Then what happens if you say no?
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because no's not a bad thing.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: And no's okay.
• 10:02
  SPEAKER_00: The truth is most of the time nothing bad happens, but your capacity increases.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: I know a lot of times when I say no to something, people tell me, Wow, you're really good at your boundaries, Hillary.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: And I think, wow, thank you, because it's taken me so long.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: I was always a yes girl.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: I always wanted to be included, I always wanted to do something.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't want to miss out on anything.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: But creating this boundaries, protecting my time and my space and my energy, or putting it into my kids instead of going to another networking event at night, just being there for them, even if they ignore me and they're being teenagers, that has helped protect my energy, is kind of reevaluating what's important right now.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: And um, for so long, I thought building my business and career was important because I needed to make money.
• 10:56
  SPEAKER_00: I started off as a single mother.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: But now life's different.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: I have a great team that I don't have to kill myself all day and all night and all weekend.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_00: I can have time with my kids.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I created this, that's why I started my own business.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I could say, no, I don't want to do that.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going home.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: So if things feel heavy right now, and I'm saying this to myself, don't just look at your schedule, look at your energy.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: Where is it going?
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: Who is it going to?
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: And what can you pull back from?
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: This might be a good thing to look over your journal at the end of the week.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm telling this also to myself now.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: That where did my energy go?
• 11:41
  SPEAKER_00: Or maybe I should do a prompt in my journal of how did I feel at the end of the day?
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: What did I feel like I put all my energy into?
• 11:50
  SPEAKER_00: And did I still have some left?
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because you know, we go to bed sometimes like fully depleted.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't think that's always the best thing.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: You don't always need to do more, you need to protect what you have already.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: Ladies and gentlemen, I will see you in the next episode.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_00: We have one more episode.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to be about moving forward before you feel ready.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, this is a heavier four-part series that I just felt, you know, just meant to do right now.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_00: My life has been ups and downs and all arounds.
• 12:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I know that happens to all of us.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: So it's not just me.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I thought, let's talk about it.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: If this helps you, great.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not going through struggles right now, awesome.
• 12:36
  SPEAKER_00: Send it to someone who is, or talk to someone, or maybe you just need to realize they need to set boundaries.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_00: And when they do set boundaries as their friend or their colleague, let them let them set their boundary.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: They need it, or help them in any way you can.