Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #177 More Time With Kids

Transcript

#177 More Time With Kids · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: It's really about Yes, it's been a long year, but
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: what can you do to make it fun? What can
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: you do to be present and involved and immersed in
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: the moment.
• 0:12
  Speaker 3: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: wants answers now and now.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: Here's the stars of our show, my mum and dad.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: Hello the stop to Justin coll Somelim Here with my
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: wife and co host missus Happy Families.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: Kylie.
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  Speaker 2: I'm the author of six books about raising happy families.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: And the kids are upstairs right now and they're not happy.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: But we've made this commitment to do a podcast, Kylie.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: What have we done?
• 0:36
  Speaker 3: They say the show must go on? So the show
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: is going on.
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, I don't know if the children. I
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: don't know if the house is going to be okay.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Well we finish this, don't worry about the children. Just
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: make sure the house is intact. Well the other end,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: the kids will be okay.
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: But it's what they're going to do to each other
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: into the house, so let's let's it's funny that this
• 0:55
  Speaker 2: is happening as well while we're trying to record this.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: I'm sure they're fine. We've just got to put the
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: fires out. We've gone and dealt with the issues we've
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: got one. You know what it's like when one.
• 1:03
  Speaker 3: Has a few embers still simmering though.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, but what one kid tries to be the parent
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: and the other kids hate it when the big kid
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: tries to be the.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Parent, they start fighting.
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: Anyway, that's what we're dealing with in our house today
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: as we dive this podcast.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: Let's talk about some good news.
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: We asked a few days ago if you could for
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: Christmas give us a five star rating and review on
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: Apple Podcasts, and Chris three eight nine zero did that.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
• 1:26
  Speaker 2: Chris titled the review easy listening and said the best
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: thing about this podcast is that the information is easy
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: to digest.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: I don't know if that's.
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: A clever way of saying they're not very smart. It's
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: not very complicated. But anyway, we give easy to digest information.
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: We thank thank you for that. Chris also said that
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: the hosts seem real. I can pinch you look, but
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  Speaker 2: you are one hundred percent and we share expert information
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: with practical examples. As a schoolteacher and parent, I'm lapping
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: up the content. We so appreciate that five star rating
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: and review. Chris, thank you for doing that. Now we've
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: also had some feedback, and that's what the topic of
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: our podcast is today, based on this feedback from Brooks,
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: who I just realized has said.
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: That don't roll your eyes. Brook just realized. I just realized.
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  Speaker 2: Brooks said, please call me Jane or Jane Doe if
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: you need a name for public consumption. So I'm very
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: sorry Brook. Jane, Jane Brook. There's lots of Brooks in
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: the world. So we're just going to go with Jane
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: and we'll call Brook Jane and everything will be fine.
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: Maybe you might just want to censor what you're reading
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  Speaker 3: from here.
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  Speaker 1: I should.
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  Speaker 2: I should let me make sure I'm reading the right
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: thing here. So basically, what Jane has said is that
• 2:32
  Speaker 2: it's been a really tough year with COVID. Jane loves
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: listening to the short podcast with you missus Happy Families,
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: but because being in that's because.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: I read things first, and I will tell you that
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  Speaker 3: her name is Jane.
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  Speaker 1: Thank you.
• 2:45
  Speaker 2: So Jane has also said that being in a Melbourne lockdown, has.
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: I said censor, Well, this is the context.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: There's got to be a lot of Brooks.
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  Speaker 3: It could have been in I don't know Mullan Bimby.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: No, because Mullen Bimby didn't have the down like Melbourne had.
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: There's context here, so anyway brook Jane said in Melbourne,
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: who maybe from mullum Bimby said, We've spent a lot
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: of time talking about what she was going to say
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: before we even got there. How do I not lose
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  Speaker 2: my mind this summer I've already spent more time with
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: my kids than I imagine possible, and now I've got
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: to spend the next six weeks while they're on school
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: holidays getting them through the summer. So podcast for the
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: time poor parent who just wants answers. Now, let's answer
• 3:26
  Speaker 2: this question for Jane.
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: This year has been one of the most difficult years
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: for parents to navigate, and for a lot of parents
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  Speaker 3: who have been in lockdown once sometimes twice.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, and especially if you're in Victoria with that very.
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  Speaker 3: Very lengthy time frames, juggling work from home, school from home,
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  Speaker 3: and then all of a sudden being told yay, it's
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: school holidays and now it's six and sometimes eight weeks
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: depending on what school you go to, of time you
• 3:57
  Speaker 3: know together, Some parents we really their head out. So
• 4:01
  Speaker 3: I think that we've got some really good solutions.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so let's start into my first one, which
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: is just planning. I've been rolling my eyes lately because
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: we spend so much time planning, and it occurred to me.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: We talk about planning all the time and living with
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: intention on the podcast, and it's only since we've been
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: talking about it so explicitly that I've realized we spent
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: a lot of time just sitting down together and saying,
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  Speaker 2: all right, we need to plan. We need to plan
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: our list, we need to plan our weekend, we need
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: to plan our Super Saturday, we need to plan our
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: week we need to plan our holidays. We need like
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: there's so much planning that goes on if you really
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: want your family to function well.
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  Speaker 3: And the reality is we're proof that when those planning
• 4:36
  Speaker 3: sessions don't happen, that family life.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: Is just hard. Yeah, yeah, just hard. I think that
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  Speaker 1: it is.
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  Speaker 2: So that would be my number one for Jane. Sit
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: down with the kids and plan it out. And this
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  Speaker 2: is especially important if you're maybe working through the holidays
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  Speaker 2: as well, because a lot of parents don't get to
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  Speaker 2: just say, all right, we're going to.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: Take six weeks off.
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  Speaker 2: While you have six weeks off, not too many employeers
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  Speaker 2: will give you that sort of time. So it really
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: is about sitting down on the weekend and saying, let's
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: get serious about understanding what our goals are for the
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: break and how we're going to intentionally live so that
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  Speaker 2: we can get through this and make it fun.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah. And I think it's really important that and part
• 5:15
  Speaker 3: of that planning process that you include the children in
• 5:17
  Speaker 3: the expectation. So if mum and dad are working from home,
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: it's really important that the kids understand that, you know,
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: mum and dad are going to work for an hour
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: session and then they'll stop for a fifteen minute break
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  Speaker 3: or whatever, so the kids can actually see how their
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: day is going to roll and what they can expect
• 5:33
  Speaker 3: from mom and dad.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, like we've just done with our children again, because
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: how's that working? So I mean like in theory, in theory,
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: this is exactly right. You know, kids, one of your
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: parents is going to be at work all week. This
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: week you're stuck with me, or we're both at work.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: You've got outside school ours ca but we're going to
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: make our evenings and mornings awesome. That's the theory and
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: you sit down in your planet. The reality is sometimes
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: it's just a mess, and when that happens, you fall
• 5:57
  Speaker 2: back on the plan as best you can and.
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  Speaker 1: Remind the kids of what we're doing all of this.
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: Let's talk about my favorite tip after the break.
• 6:04
  Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families podcast.
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: Our Screens Creating Tension at Home, Tweens, Teens and Screens
• 6:11
  Speaker 4: is a webinar to guide families to healthy, safe superscreen solutions.
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: Bye today at happy families dot com dot au slash shop.
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast with a time
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers now, And we have
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: been talking about how to survive these Christmas holidays after
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: the year that has been COVID nineteen.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: You've probably spent a lot more time with the children
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: this year than you normally do, whether you've been on
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: a COVID lockdown or just just because of what the
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: year has brought. So we've highlighted that if you're going
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: to get through it, one of the most critical things
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: to do is actually sit down and plan. And we've
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: talked in previous podcasts about how important is it just
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: have one activity a day and it might only be
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: a couple of hours, but just have one activity a
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: day where you're intentional, you're having good quality time together,
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  Speaker 2: and then you actually you can pretty much give yourself
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: permission to relax a bit and have some me time
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  Speaker 2: on top of the really great quality me time that
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: you're having.
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  Speaker 1: Well, one of.
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  Speaker 3: The things that I have really struggled with this year
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  Speaker 3: is just how intense everything has been, and Christmas just
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: felt like another thing to add to the list.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, and so especially since we can't go away on
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: a holiday and just relax over Christmas. Well, the borders
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: are opening up and there's options, but we've decided not
• 7:28
  Speaker 2: to because they might close anythime.
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  Speaker 3: I don't want to be stranded somewhere else, right, And
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: so I decided that I needed to do something about
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: Christmas this year. You know, it's been, it's been. It's
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: been a tricky year, and I just wanted to create
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  Speaker 3: some excitement around it. But I also recognize that I'm
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  Speaker 3: not at my best at the moment either, after the
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  Speaker 3: year that we've had, so it needed to be something
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  Speaker 3: that was achievable. So I just felt like I just
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: needed to change things up a bit. And I think
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: that that has been the secret to the start of
• 7:56
  Speaker 3: Christmas season for us. You know, we've just done a
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  Speaker 3: few things that are a little bit different that have
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  Speaker 3: just added an element of excitement.
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  Speaker 1: What have we done.
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  Speaker 2: I can't believe you're asking me, well, I'm going to guess.
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  Speaker 2: I'm going to guess that you're going to say, we're
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: watching a Christmas movie every night. We are, and that's
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: working a real treat. Like I've got to be honest,
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  Speaker 2: I don't love sitting down and watching movies, but it's
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  Speaker 2: helping us to relax because we don't have to be
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: stressing out all the time. It's like, Okay, tonight, we're
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: just going to watch that movie, and so long as
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: we turn it on and it's not too late, everything's
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: been fine.
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  Speaker 1: It's been really really nice.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, and on the weekend, you know, we've been able
• 8:32
  Speaker 3: to watch it in the middle of the day when
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: it's really really hot, which has been a nice.
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  Speaker 1: Reprieve as well.
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  Speaker 3: So I've really loved that and I've loved it that
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: it actually hasn't required anything of us. But the kids are,
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: you know, like you're begging us from the moment they've
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: got time out to do something. When are we going
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: to watch our chrismas moths.
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  Speaker 2: Let's watch our movie. What else have we done that's
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: changed things up? By the way, I like that one
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: because it does work right. It's something to look forward to,
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: but it doesn't require much effort. It's a big win there.
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  Speaker 2: What else have we changed up? Maybe we've changed stuff
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: up and I'm just not even aware of it.
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  Speaker 3: So I've involved with the kids in quite a few
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: different you know, just small activities, things that I would
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: normally do without their input. This year, so they love
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: doing Christmas handouts for their friends, so we made that
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: an activity this year. They actually got involved in, you know,
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: kind of curling the ribbon and cutting cutting out their
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: little cards and gluing them together. And little Emily, I
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: mean she's six, and she decided that she was going
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: to handwrite all of her classmates a card. This is
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: something she's never actually attempted to do before. And what
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: I loved about it was she was so intentional. It
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: was just this little, little gift card sized card. But
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: she decided that she would draw a picture for each
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: of her friends and every single child. She had to
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: do twenty of these. It took her a few days
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: that she had to do twenty of them, and every
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: person she said, hmm, I wonder what Brooke would like,
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: and she would say it out loud, and she'd sit
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: there for a few minutes, kind of tapping her pen,
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: and then she'd be like, oh, I know, so she
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: loves trains, and so she would draw a train. So
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: each child in her class got this hand drawn picture
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: that was completely individualized to them and the things that
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: she thought they loved.
• 10:13
  Speaker 1: I just loved it.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah, And she was so absorbed in that. So the
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: third idea, and we'll make this one quick and wrap
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: it up. I think this is going to be maybe
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: a super helpful idea as well, and that is it's
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: really about mindset. So for Jane Brook, whoever you are,
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: it's really about yes, it's been a long year, but
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: what can you do to make it fun? What can
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: you do to be present and involved and immersed in
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: the moment if we can get our mindset right, whether
• 10:39
  Speaker 2: that means we walk outside and we literally put that
• 10:42
  Speaker 2: great big smile on our face, or maybe we do
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: the Batman thing that I've talked about in my Facebook
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: page and my LinkedIn page and on my blog and
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: all that sort of stuff that where we channel somebody
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: else and we kind of put on an alter ego
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: until we find the funnest person that we know and
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: we pretend to be them, and you know, you fake
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: it till you make it kind of thing. If we
• 11:01
  Speaker 2: can just get our mindset on song and create that fun, engaged, involved,
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: intentional mindset, I think that that's probably going to be
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: the key thing, right because when you've got that mindset,
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: you're much more willing to dive in and do the
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: intentional planning stuff. And when you've got that mindset, you're
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: much more likely to sit down with the kids and
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: find ways to change it up and go to the
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: extra effort. The one thing that I believe is that
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: it is always worth the effort, even when the kid's
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: being challenging, even when the kids are not being grateful,
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: I still reckon it's worth the effort.
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: Well, hopefully, Jane, you have found these tips to be
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: helpful and that summer will actually prove to be one
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: that you can actually enjoy with your children.
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: And I'm so sorry for not reading the email and
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: getting the name wrong. Sorry, Jane.
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: Well, tomorrow we're going to be talking about some more
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: Christmas Conundrums because we've had a lot of response to
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: last week's podcast and we've thought that this would be
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: another fun one. So if you haven't heard last week's
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: definitely go back and check it out, and we look
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: forward to spending some time with you tomorrow and discussing
• 12:07
  Speaker 3: some more of those tricky questions for Christmas.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: Yea, if you've got any Christmas conundrum, send us an email.
• 12:12
  Speaker 2: Podcasts within theirs podcasts at Happy families dot com dot au.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: Bridge Media, and our executive producer is Craig Bruce. If
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: you'd like more information about how to help your family
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: to flourish, especially if you'd like to get that ongoing
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: monthly support that we offer through our Happy Families memberships,
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: you can get all the information you need at
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Happyfamilies dot com dot au