Latest / Pod Therapy / #408: Virtue Signaling, Brain Zaps on SSRIs, Financial Secrets in Marriage

Transcript

#408: Virtue Signaling, Brain Zaps on SSRIs, Financial Secrets in Marriage · Pod Therapy

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: And then the airport exit comes up and I just
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: take the exit.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, quiet, uneventful.
• 0:07
  Speaker 3: Thank you for not being an ass though I feel
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: like that. Nothing is so nice, condescending ass hulery.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: That's so well, you're gonna hate this episode from fabulous
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: Las Vegas Demata. This is pot therapy, real people, real problems,
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: and real therapists. You can sumit your questions anonymous little
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: pod therapy dot net or email. It's a pot therapy
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: guys at gmail dot com and now broadcasting from the
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: supple young nineteen year old studio. Jesus, that's whinny Nick,
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: who's playing for some pot therapy.
• 0:41
  Speaker 4: You you cowards so many submitting these anonymous studios anonymously.
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: The names.
• 0:49
  Speaker 5: They're anonymous only because Nick is lazy, Yes, and they
• 0:52
  Speaker 5: won't studio studio. If you want to include your name
• 0:57
  Speaker 5: in the studio name, you have to put it in
• 0:59
  Speaker 5: the studio name, sir.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, because it wouldn't actually
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: make any sense.
• 1:03
  Speaker 4: Well, welcome to Spooky Halloween episode.
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: This is the one what's your costume gym? Right now?
• 1:11
  Speaker 4: So we are doing Minecraft. So we are doing Uh,
• 1:14
  Speaker 4: did you guys see the Minecraft movie?
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: This summer.
• 1:16
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Jack Black is really good, so I'm gonna be
• 1:19
  Speaker 4: Jack Black obviously. So I've got the turquoise turtleneck thing.
• 1:22
  Speaker 4: I'm pretty excited for that. Had my like minecraft sword. Yeah,
• 1:25
  Speaker 4: I'm really it's it's my spirit animal. So I feel
• 1:28
  Speaker 4: like I'm good with this. My daughter is Jason Momo.
• 1:31
  Speaker 4: I was going to say, she's doing the pink jacket,
• 1:34
  Speaker 4: like the gloves and like the acid washed jeans and
• 1:38
  Speaker 4: the huge, obnoxious, fucking sunglasses.
• 1:42
  Speaker 3: You're done.
• 1:42
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and that's it. And my wife's gonna be whoever
• 1:45
  Speaker 4: that black lady was. So she's wearing like the jumper wow.
• 1:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah and black face.
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Because we commit, we commit to the bit, you know.
• 1:52
  Speaker 4: Yeah, there will not be a question who she is yea, yeah, yeah,
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: it's very clear.
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: Wait, so when you do these like types of costumes,
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: are y'all in character? Are you in character? Or you're
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: just like hey, no, for.
• 2:07
  Speaker 2: The photos, we will be like I'm sure that my daughter.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: We're gonna talk like them or no.
• 2:12
  Speaker 4: We're not that committed to the it's just to walk around. Yeah,
• 2:16
  Speaker 4: that's just for I follow the NHL on.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: Hardock. How many followers Whitney?
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how many how many real followers, and so they
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: always post, uh, the players and their wives dressing up
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: for Halloween.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: And so this morning I saw a post where they
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: did it was just Mark Andre Flurry and oh he's
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: so good over the years, different costumes.
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: That really, I'm gonna go.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: You should google Mark Andre Flurry mclovin. Oh he nails.
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: It's exactly like mclovin from Super Bad.
• 2:54
  Speaker 2: Oh Bad. Yeah.
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: I love every year. I always look forward to that.
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: Whenever he was on the team. That was always a
• 2:59
  Speaker 4: really I'm part of Halloween was you'd always see the
• 3:02
  Speaker 4: Flurry ship. Well, happy Halloween, everybody. I assume I'm the
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: only one in the room who's actually dressing up.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: No, no, no, okay.
• 3:12
  Speaker 3: All I put was Mark Andre Flurry costume and that's
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: the only thing that came out. I didn't even put
• 3:20
  Speaker 3: the Clevin.
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: Yeah, whenever you've professed that's solid. Yeah, And they roll
• 3:25
  Speaker 4: one out every single week. Well happened Halloween to all
• 3:27
  Speaker 4: the listeners around the week is Halloween. This year Friday,
• 3:30
  Speaker 4: it's give Me on Friday, which is also Nevada Day,
• 3:32
  Speaker 4: which is exciting day cookies. It's always a big part
• 3:36
  Speaker 4: of it's nice like Nevada Day.
• 3:38
  Speaker 5: I'll run shows that night, so I'll wear something silly
• 3:41
  Speaker 5: to run the shows. I want to do, like a
• 3:43
  Speaker 5: full costume.
• 3:43
  Speaker 4: Let me know if you need anything. I have a
• 3:45
  Speaker 4: hot dog costume. I have a Leprechaun costume. No, no,
• 3:48
  Speaker 4: I won't wearing our costume. Okay, Okay, Well I keep
• 3:51
  Speaker 4: all mine, so I have several that that I'm ready
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: for at any given.
• 3:56
  Speaker 5: I think last year, I just wore a uh, I
• 3:59
  Speaker 5: wore a black hoodie just to run the show in
• 4:01
  Speaker 5: you know, just wearing a black hoodie, but I left
• 4:03
  Speaker 5: it unzipped and had one of those T shirts on
• 4:05
  Speaker 5: that looked like you're like a big, fat, hairy guy.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: So I just had that. You know, that's about the
• 4:11
  Speaker 2: level I go to. Okay, you should go as an
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: ice officer. Oh that'll that'll be hilarious.
• 4:17
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's so funny because all over the internet it's like, hey,
• 4:20
  Speaker 4: get ready, everybody, because the worst person you know is
• 4:23
  Speaker 4: about to do this fucking bit and it's gonna be
• 4:25
  Speaker 4: all over Americas.
• 4:27
  Speaker 5: With Honestly, like all groups of people, like your family
• 4:30
  Speaker 5: should all just go as sexy ice officers.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: Okay, but if you do it. Commit to the sexy.
• 4:35
  Speaker 5: Yeah, if everybody is sexy ICE officers, it's kind of great.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: You're taking away their power. Whole sorority houses dressed up
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: like yeah, the ICE.
• 4:46
  Speaker 4: Officers do that, and I'm talking like bikinis, the whole
• 4:50
  Speaker 4: bit with the face fucking mask.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: How do you tell the sexy ICE officers from the
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: regular ice That's right, that's right. Yeah, there's that, well
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: a lot of them. Fus you.
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: Happy Halloween, everybody looking forward to it. It's gonna be
• 5:07
  Speaker 4: a good time.
• 5:08
  Speaker 5: I usually Russia, we also think this is unconstitution.
• 5:15
  Speaker 4: Uh, make sure you subscribe to our socials in case
• 5:17
  Speaker 4: we do post any Halloween pictures. You want to check
• 5:19
  Speaker 4: it out. Our instagram is always the go to. It's
• 5:22
  Speaker 4: at pod therapy, guys.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: But we've got some great questions.
• 5:25
  Speaker 4: It's good, lame lame, no cost. There's still Solomon with
• 5:31
  Speaker 4: no grab one.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: You should dress up as a nurse for how well
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: you take care of Peter?
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: There go, Maybe that'll make me do it a little
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: bit better.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: Yeah, hashtag seat All right, we're starting off the order
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: today with annoying virtue signaling. Dear people of pod therapy,
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: I'm already annoyed.
• 5:51
  Speaker 4: My wife and I live in a politically purple state
• 5:55
  Speaker 4: that leans red. For those of you outside of the US,
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: be grateful if you don't understand what that means. We
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: became friends with another married couple in about twenty twenty
• 6:04
  Speaker 4: one and became very close to them over the next
• 6:06
  Speaker 4: three years.
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: They were both always vocal about their passion for liberal
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: and progressive politics, which we were on board with. And
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: then the election of twenty twenty four happened and they
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: were not pleased with the outcome. To say the least.
• 6:18
  Speaker 4: To be clear, neither were we, but we think their
• 6:22
  Speaker 4: reaction to the result was severely overblown. I recalled Jim's
• 6:26
  Speaker 4: solo episode in reaction to the election results, where he
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: discussed how to best respond to the results, and it
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: feels like this couple did the exact opposite. Within three
• 6:35
  Speaker 4: months of November twenty twenty four, they sold their house,
• 6:39
  Speaker 4: most of their belongings, left their family and friends behind,
• 6:43
  Speaker 4: and moved to a city twenty four hours drive away
• 6:47
  Speaker 4: to live in a more progressive state.
• 6:49
  Speaker 5: I don't think this was about progressivism. I think they
• 6:51
  Speaker 5: thought the rapture was coming there. You know what, I think,
• 6:54
  Speaker 5: rapture people.
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: You're trying to be safe.
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: God won't look for us in Portland. That's right, that
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: God has abandoned Portland long ago.
• 7:03
  Speaker 5: I think we've solved this already on the America You're welcome,
• 7:08
  Speaker 5: writer and moving on.
• 7:10
  Speaker 4: Their sudden move really crushed my wife and I, since
• 7:14
  Speaker 4: the four of us had grown so close, and it
• 7:16
  Speaker 4: seemed to send the message to us at least, that
• 7:19
  Speaker 4: their politics were more important than our friendship or any
• 7:22
  Speaker 4: of the other relationships that they were leaving behind. Our
• 7:26
  Speaker 4: group conversations, which used to be nothing but banter and
• 7:28
  Speaker 4: immature slights, are now a near daily barrage of them
• 7:33
  Speaker 4: sending us Instagram posts like here is how city X
• 7:36
  Speaker 4: is helping the homeless, or this influencer is fighting for
• 7:39
  Speaker 4: trans writes and state why the two of them now
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: only seemed to be willing to talk about how progressive
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: their new city is and how the city where I
• 7:47
  Speaker 4: still live is a regressive hellhole.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: It it like.
• 7:51
  Speaker 4: My wife and I I don't know, I like my
• 7:55
  Speaker 4: I don't know what the fuck it?
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: Can anybody help me with this? I like my wife,
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: like my wave.
• 8:01
  Speaker 4: And I only serve as outlets. Oh, it's like my
• 8:04
  Speaker 4: wife and I only serve as outlets for them to
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: virtue signal, and I'm sick of it.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: At a certain.
• 8:09
  Speaker 4: Point, I'm worried that I'm going to blurt out, oh,
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: for fuck's sake, will you shut up? I get it,
• 8:15
  Speaker 4: you live in a progressive city. Well, you abandoned us
• 8:18
  Speaker 4: and could have worked at making our community better. Instead,
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: you ran away and are now throwing rocks from afar.
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: I don't know what to do here. I'm happy for them,
• 8:27
  Speaker 4: but their obsession with politics is insufferable, and I'm still
• 8:30
  Speaker 4: butt hurt that they moved away in such a reactive way,
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: leaving us in the dust. And to top it all off,
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: we feel like we're being mocked over and over for
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: staying in the city that we actually really like. Let
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: me know what y'all think, and guess who I voted for,
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: Love Billy, I'm gonna guess Bill. This is so relatable,
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: Like I mean, I don't know a lot of people
• 8:59
  Speaker 4: who did this, like the big move away thing, but like,
• 9:02
  Speaker 4: once you have made a choice like this, to leave
• 9:04
  Speaker 4: a city for greener pastures, it is so difficult not
• 9:07
  Speaker 4: to be a dick to all the people that are you.
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: You knew back there because you constantly want to like
• 9:12
  Speaker 4: reinforce why this new decision was great. Like I've had
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: people leave Nevada because it's a very transient place and
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: you stay in touch with them and when they get
• 9:19
  Speaker 4: to their new place, they're like, oh my god, it's
• 9:20
  Speaker 4: so green. Oh I just I could never go back there.
• 9:24
  Speaker 4: I just want to just you, like, why do we.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: Have to do this, like becoming a vegan. Yeah, oh dude,
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: it is. It is. No, this is the same fucking
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: nerves political vegan.
• 9:34
  Speaker 4: Yes, I get it, you're better than us, Like you're pretentious,
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: but like it sucks because.
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: Like I didn't say vegans were pretentious, that was you.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: But did you, guys vegan.
• 9:43
  Speaker 4: Listeners left your home states to come to Nevada When
• 9:47
  Speaker 4: I moved to Listeners?
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: You know your protections, you know what you know. You
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: are wrong.
• 9:56
  Speaker 4: You want to hang out and watch sports, have a
• 9:58
  Speaker 4: fucking chicken wing. But like all three of you left
• 10:01
  Speaker 4: your your home states at you know, elder ages or
• 10:04
  Speaker 4: at least mature ages, did you ever find yourself corresponding
• 10:08
  Speaker 4: with people back in that place and feeling a need
• 10:11
  Speaker 4: to sort of validate your choice a little bit? To contrast,
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: like when they're like, oh, but don't you ever miss
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: this place, You're kind of.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: Like, nah, Dallas is pretty shitty.
• 10:18
  Speaker 4: The traffic was fucking horrible, or yeah, no, the humidity
• 10:21
  Speaker 4: is kind of ape shit. I don't dig the swamp,
• 10:23
  Speaker 4: so I'm pretty happy here. Oh no, it's fucking snowy
• 10:25
  Speaker 4: in Iowa. Like I really don't miss it at all. Like,
• 10:28
  Speaker 4: is there a sense that you need to validate that choice.
• 10:30
  Speaker 2: A little bit?
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: For the first year that I lived in Nevada, I
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: would say, maybe not every day, but every other day
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: during the winter, I would text my sister and just
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: let her know what the weather was like.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: But that's totally fair. I just want to let you know.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: But that's totally fair.
• 10:52
  Speaker 5: I don't I don't think that's what Jim means, because
• 10:55
  Speaker 5: that is that's like that, that's banter.
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: Like I do that with my family too different times.
• 11:00
  Speaker 5: By the way, they also do it back to me,
• 11:02
  Speaker 5: but it's August than one hundred and twenty five.
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: But it's also shitty in Louisiana.
• 11:07
  Speaker 5: They're like, well, the one hundred and twenty five, Yeah,
• 11:10
  Speaker 5: we go outside, we're not gonna die.
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: But has everybody seen this phenomenon where people seem like
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: they have to commit and so they need to like
• 11:17
  Speaker 4: validate it externally to their old friends.
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: I know what you mean a little bit.
• 11:23
  Speaker 5: This is this one's a lot, though, and I think
• 11:26
  Speaker 5: the writer just kind of has the right of it.
• 11:28
  Speaker 5: I think I think Billy, you know, saying like I'm
• 11:31
  Speaker 5: just gonna pop and say these things, don't pop and
• 11:34
  Speaker 5: say it.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: I'm just say them. You know what. You don't have
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: to get angry and say these things.
• 11:39
  Speaker 5: You can just be like, hey, you know every time
• 11:40
  Speaker 5: you every time you do this, try to be in
• 11:44
  Speaker 5: a jerk.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well I don't.
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: I don't know if you have to like say it
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: like that, you're being a I think it's more job.
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: I know that's Jacob's version and take it if you
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: want life, Jacob, you know, doctor, life is great.
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: You do whatever you want.
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: I feel like some version of ship.
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: By I mean test hunting, that's not man. Yeah, I
• 12:10
  Speaker 2: think they're I don't have any money, Billy.
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: I think there's a version where you can share with
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: your friends. Hey, we really like our city still. I
• 12:23
  Speaker 3: would even this is my personal opinion. It sounds like
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: you're maybe in a similar vote. My thing is I
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: would rather be in either a purple or sometimes even
• 12:33
  Speaker 3: a red state because I feel like you can make change.
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: They're like, you can be the change you see in
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: the world whatever. But especially in Nevada, I'm like, your
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: votes matter a lot more here in my opinion, as
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: a purple state, like than it would in Texas or
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: or whatever.
• 12:50
  Speaker 5: State if you're not from the US. If you here
• 12:52
  Speaker 5: about swing states, they're kind of synonymous.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: So I have the.
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: Same philosophy too, where it's like, yeah, because I joke
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: all the time about like, yeah, it'd be great to
• 13:04
  Speaker 1: live in another country and to just leave, which I
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: would want to kind of do anyway, not necessarily because
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: of political reasons.
• 13:11
  Speaker 5: That's just flee the U S and go live there
• 13:14
  Speaker 5: because I'm leaving the US. I want to go live
• 13:16
  Speaker 5: other places because I want to.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: Go live exactly the thought of me bother right, because
• 13:23
  Speaker 2: it's like because it's like I just.
• 13:25
  Speaker 3: Want to be around people that think like me.
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, it's like, well but why do I have
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: to leave? Like it's my country just as much as
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: anybody else's, you know. And I feel the same way
• 13:34
  Speaker 1: about like the American flag. I wish people on the
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: laughter the democrats of their progressives would take ownership of
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: any day.
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: I just talked with a client about this this last week.
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: They're like, yeah, we want to start. Like I think
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: it was that one of the No Kings protests they
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: were talking about flying the American flag, so like this
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: is our flag too, like we're taking it back. I
• 13:55
  Speaker 3: was like, all right, you go, yeah, we have an
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: American plog right here in the supple nineteen year old studio,
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: and get it on the wall. Beautiful. I'm just.
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: Looking at it. Everyone looking around the.
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: Flag when you're coming here, like I am positive in here.
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: I'm not like I thought you were a joking.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: I was looking for the I was like, there is
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: I've never noticed.
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's my one thing. I'm going to live.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: As there should be.
• 14:34
  Speaker 4: I'm going to play Devil's advocate on this a little
• 14:36
  Speaker 4: bit because like there's a part of me so like
• 14:37
  Speaker 4: the pretension thing. I get that, Like that's annoying and
• 14:42
  Speaker 4: and I feel like humans do that because they have
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: to validate a big decision. And I think we see
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: this even in your community, like if if you went
• 14:50
  Speaker 4: if you had a family that you were friends with
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: because your kids went to school together, and then that
• 14:54
  Speaker 4: family decides, hey, we're gonna pull our kids out of
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: this school. We don't like it anymore. We're gonna go
• 14:57
  Speaker 4: to this private school. And you stay in touch with
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: them because you kids still play soccer and stuff, and
• 14:59
  Speaker 4: you're like, so, how's the new school. There is this
• 15:01
  Speaker 4: huge inclination to like just highlight reel this shit and
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: be like it's wonderful.
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: Oh my god.
• 15:06
  Speaker 4: They have a great team, their principles so nice, and
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: it's like okay, and it just it feels like you're
• 15:11
  Speaker 4: shitting on the place that you exited or left. I
• 15:13
  Speaker 4: think that is a natural human phenomenon. I feel like
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: we all sort of bias in that direction, and you know,
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: I think it's some form of confirmation bias. But there's
• 15:20
  Speaker 4: another piece of this, especially in the getting real about
• 15:23
  Speaker 4: how politics has shifted in the last ten months since
• 15:26
  Speaker 4: the President Trump election. I also do want to show respect.
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: That doesn't sound like this is a deprivileged couple that
• 15:34
  Speaker 4: Billy's talking about, but imagine that they are. Imagine that
• 15:37
  Speaker 4: they are undocumented, they have families that are undocumented. Imagine
• 15:40
  Speaker 4: that they are thinking about having children, and they're like, look,
• 15:42
  Speaker 4: if I have to have a fucking abortion. I'm not
• 15:45
  Speaker 4: staying here like this may put me in jail, Like
• 15:47
  Speaker 4: I need to get the fuck out of here, you know,
• 15:49
  Speaker 4: and all the other many things that have happened. I
• 15:51
  Speaker 4: support that, Yeah, I mean, there's there's arguments to be
• 15:53
  Speaker 4: made for that. Or they work in the university system
• 15:55
  Speaker 4: and they're like, hey, you know, I want to be
• 15:56
  Speaker 4: part of universities and part of communities that are you
• 15:59
  Speaker 4: know whenever, or like California is going to war right
• 16:01
  Speaker 4: now with the federal government, and like they stood up
• 16:04
  Speaker 4: for you know, these progressive policies and stuff, and it's
• 16:06
  Speaker 4: not just a political wins thing, it's a felt reality thing.
• 16:09
  Speaker 4: There are some states that fight back against ice, and
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: there are some states that do not. There are some
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: states that repel the national guard being sent to them.
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: There are some states that do not. There's somebodies that
• 16:18
  Speaker 4: fucking send their national guard.
• 16:20
  Speaker 2: So like, I get that.
• 16:21
  Speaker 4: When I first recorded that in January, I was really
• 16:25
  Speaker 4: trying to caution people against these big fucking reactions because
• 16:28
  Speaker 4: it seems so big. But I think I want to
• 16:30
  Speaker 4: moderate my reaction to that because I think at the
• 16:32
  Speaker 4: time I had my nose in the air a little
• 16:34
  Speaker 4: bit and was sort of like, oh, come on, everybody,
• 16:36
  Speaker 4: deep breath. You know, the Republic's been around for two
• 16:38
  Speaker 4: hundred years, Like, let's not overthink it. But I've seen
• 16:42
  Speaker 4: a lot now, way more than I ever.
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: Because you don't know, and at the time you can
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: only take the knowledge you have.
• 16:48
  Speaker 4: Right, And I'm extremely privileged. I'm a Cis white male,
• 16:52
  Speaker 4: you know, like I just don't. I'm middle aged. I
• 16:54
  Speaker 4: don't have to think about a lot of this stuff.
• 16:56
  Speaker 4: But there are other people who really are, and there's
• 16:59
  Speaker 4: especially Hispanic families that are that are scared to go
• 17:01
  Speaker 4: to work. They read a story the other day, this
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: horrible story about a construction company that hired specifically undocumented
• 17:08
  Speaker 4: people to do this whole project. And when payday came,
• 17:11
  Speaker 4: they called ice.
• 17:12
  Speaker 2: Oh fuck, they told them all to round up over
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: here to get their pay checks.
• 17:15
  Speaker 4: They called ice and just had them all put in
• 17:17
  Speaker 4: a patty wagon and taken from their families. And they
• 17:19
  Speaker 4: just saved all that money. So it was theft of wages.
• 17:23
  Speaker 4: It's absolutely horrific. And and like there's stories of people
• 17:26
  Speaker 4: like these Hispanic families not going to churches, not going
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: to public carnivals. There was the Texas Fair that was
• 17:32
  Speaker 4: like abandoned because, like you know, people to color are
• 17:35
  Speaker 4: scared to go and like in their own country in peacetime,
• 17:38
  Speaker 4: these little kids being told not to go to school
• 17:40
  Speaker 4: because they're scared that people will compluct them out of school.
• 17:43
  Speaker 4: So I don't want to get on a soapbox about it,
• 17:45
  Speaker 4: but Billy, there's a part of me that looks at that,
• 17:47
  Speaker 4: and I assume these people are enjoying privilege and so
• 17:50
  Speaker 4: their stuff just kind of seems pretentious.
• 17:52
  Speaker 5: But I can also appreciate families. And I don't think
• 17:56
  Speaker 5: we're talking about whether or not you need to make
• 17:59
  Speaker 5: a move. If somebody needs to make a move by
• 18:02
  Speaker 5: all means, then you need to make a move.
• 18:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right, good point. Being a jerk about it after
• 18:07
  Speaker 2: you make the movie is the problem.
• 18:09
  Speaker 5: It's the attitude on the back end of it, not
• 18:11
  Speaker 5: the not the need like if.
• 18:12
  Speaker 2: There is a need for it.
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: And I don't hear Billy saying you guys should also
• 18:16
  Speaker 4: like when I when I left Louisiana, I didn't leave
• 18:19
  Speaker 4: Louisiana because I hate Louisiana.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: Left because of the murder charges. I left because of
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: the murder charges.
• 18:24
  Speaker 5: Also, there's a lot more entertainment work outside of Louisiana
• 18:28
  Speaker 5: than the inside.
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: A lot few murder charges.
• 18:30
  Speaker 5: So like, I mean, I I left my home state happily.
• 18:35
  Speaker 5: I'll probably never live there again full time, and at
• 18:38
  Speaker 5: least that I have no plans to if if I
• 18:40
  Speaker 5: guess things can change, uh in the extradition, sure, sure,
• 18:44
  Speaker 5: and I mean you know the the whatever the time,
• 18:47
  Speaker 5: you know enough. Yeah, the statute of limitations has passed now,
• 18:51
  Speaker 5: and as it turned out these days, it just doesn't.
• 18:54
  Speaker 5: It doesn't, white guy, I'm not going to I'm.
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: Sure the statute of limitation for murder for a white
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: guy in Louisiana is that what two weeks?
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah?
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, probably takes you longer to get a driver's left
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: if you can.
• 19:11
  Speaker 4: You know, that's very quick too. If you can outrun
• 19:13
  Speaker 4: the cops for an hour, you might beat the rap.
• 19:17
  Speaker 5: Do yourself a favor and look into why Jerry Lee Lewis,
• 19:21
  Speaker 5: the rock star.
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: Was called the killer. Oh lord, oh.
• 19:25
  Speaker 5: White guy from Louisiana.
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: I have some thoughts on the being a jerk part.
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: I here's what I see working with clients, and I
• 19:33
  Speaker 3: work with some clients up in Organs, so I'm seeing,
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: you know, a whole range of people from different backgrounds,
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: political views or whatnot. And what I see people coming
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: into session sharing are this stress, especially if you are
• 19:52
  Speaker 3: privileged of like what do I do? And what I
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: see is social media is used as a platform to
• 20:00
  Speaker 3: say like I need to use my platform and my
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: privilege to share these things, and even if it's sending
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: things to my friends, like it's almost a compulsory thing
• 20:10
  Speaker 3: like see wee, hey, look this is not good that
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: you should care about this too, And you're saying, Billy,
• 20:16
  Speaker 3: I do care about these things. I just can't choose
• 20:20
  Speaker 3: to create, you know again from a privileged place or not,
• 20:23
  Speaker 3: Like I don't have the mental space to do that.
• 20:25
  Speaker 3: And actually I want to just be friends with you,
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: and you over sharing all of these things, right makes
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: it seem like you care more about politics and our friendship.
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: They may kick back and say, yeah, this is a
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: big deal. We need to care about this, and that's
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: where you find that bounce in your friendship and you
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: find answers. I guess I should say, Well, they might.
• 20:43
  Speaker 5: Come back and say like, yeah, I've never really liked you.
• 20:46
  Speaker 5: I'm just friends with you to tell you about this stuff.
• 20:48
  Speaker 4: Yeah, Whnnie let me ask you about this, because some
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: of the vibe after you just shared that, I thought,
• 20:52
  Speaker 4: you know what this kind of reminds me of. It's
• 20:54
  Speaker 4: like whenever you're friends with a couple and then maybe
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: they have a kid or something, and now all they
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: want to do is send you stuff like oh my god,
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: look at this or And that's fine to an extent
• 21:03
  Speaker 4: because it's like, I'm so happy that you're enjoying your baby.
• 21:06
  Speaker 4: That's great, and I do take joy in your joy.
• 21:09
  Speaker 4: But then some of the joy your baby is just
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: a horrible phrase.
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: Sure, I love pictures of your baby, I'm.
• 21:15
  Speaker 4: Joy, this is great, but I could see where there
• 21:18
  Speaker 4: can be this little bit of an edginess to those
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: kinds of dynamics where it's like you're sending me all
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: this stuff about like women are happier when they have this,
• 21:26
  Speaker 4: and they have hormonal adjustments when they have this, and
• 21:28
  Speaker 4: everything's better when they have this, I've realized, and never
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: how I'm supposed to be that that anyone. And it's like, okay,
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: like this is does that ring like similar to this
• 21:38
  Speaker 4: letter a little bit where it's like a little bit
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: of that you're you're so excited about your choice and
• 21:43
  Speaker 4: and some of how you're talking about it sounds like
• 21:45
  Speaker 4: you're punching at me.
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so I think you pointed out like sharing pictures
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: of your baby or your your anymore, I love to
• 21:53
  Speaker 3: see it, send them all. I don't give a fuck.
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: Like you're happy, I'm happy great. It's when. Yeah, now
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: I'm sending you articles about gosh, I just feel so
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: great now that I've had my baby, Like my life
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: is more fulfilled. I'm happier. Like when you start sending
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: those things, those start feeling like you're hitting undercut, underhanded
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: jobs this article.
• 22:10
  Speaker 2: Just as women from the df W area are happier
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: if they have children.
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: God, I know that's not true.
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: Bitches when they have I know that's not true. I
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: don't like you.
• 22:19
  Speaker 4: People will send me ship that's like, oh did you
• 22:20
  Speaker 4: know Nevada's air quality is really bad or something that
• 22:22
  Speaker 4: I'm like, what are what are we doing right now?
• 22:24
  Speaker 2: Like? What are you? Thank you? I don't like what? Yeah?
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: Should we just measure our dicks? No, that's what I'm
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: gonna start sending back. Just seven inches? What deal with that? Bitch?
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: Bullshit? But no, I was actually kind of thinking this
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: same thing as far as like.
• 22:45
  Speaker 4: It's win win for me. Motherfuckers. Either I have it
• 22:47
  Speaker 4: or you guys have to touch between. I'm fine with
• 22:49
  Speaker 4: either one.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: Relationships. You have to measure it.
• 22:52
  Speaker 4: Whitney, sure how this happened?
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: Relationship science trying relationships between couple's friends.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: I was kind of thinking the same thing that Jim
• 23:07
  Speaker 2: was thinking, which is, like, you know, all of us,
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: if we think of a you know, couple's friend that
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: we have or multiple couples friends, you can think of
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: like what are the common denominators, Like what are the
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: things that we tend to focus most about? And usually
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: the friends that you're closest to. You you have.
• 23:25
  Speaker 1: A number of different topics or different things that you
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: can that you have in common that you do together, activities, interests,
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: things like that, and what happens. I think kind of
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: like what Jim was the baby example is a good example,
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: like where something big chat happens for one of the friends, right,
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: and then it becomes their main focus. So since that's
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: their main focus and it was a common interest, then
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: it seems like that piece gets strengthened and the rest
• 23:56
  Speaker 1: of it doesn't. So if I was in that situation, Billy,
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: what I would do is I would just try to
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: figure out what are the other things that we have
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: in common and be able to redirect and to be
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: able to like, Okay, if if my friend is not
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: gonna bring up, you know, our other common interest of
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: Major League Baseball, Yeah, maybe I will bring that up.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: Oh my god, you guys watched the World Series last night?
• 24:21
  Speaker 1: Well what do you think about?
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 24:22
  Speaker 6: Oh my god, there were so many Cubans, Billy, but yeah,
• 24:30
  Speaker 6: I mean, and then try to try to give make
• 24:34
  Speaker 6: way for conversations like that.
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: The other thing, too, is like you can choose which
• 24:38
  Speaker 1: conversations you choose to reinforce in which ones you just ignore,
• 24:43
  Speaker 1: you know, if you're not giving, Like they send me
• 24:46
  Speaker 1: fifteen messages about one thing I'm not interested in, and
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: I don't reply to any of them, right, and then
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: they send me one text message about the World Series,
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: and I've replied to that, I'm I'm this is this
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: is a.
• 24:57
  Speaker 2: You're reinforcing the behavior that you want to REI yeah, this.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Is a behavioral conditioning. That's exactly what this is, you know,
• 25:02
  Speaker 1: And so I'm yeah, I am, I am teaching them, drool,
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: what I want our relationship to be.
• 25:09
  Speaker 4: Like that's that's great advice. I really like that it's
• 25:12
  Speaker 4: starving the weeds, you know, watering the flowers. Yeah, I
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: think that is one of the best ways. I mean,
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: And I also like Jacob's theory of like it's okay
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: to be direct, it's okay to say, hey, I know
• 25:21
  Speaker 4: you do not mean any harm. I know that you're
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: my friend, but I need you to remember that I
• 25:26
  Speaker 4: care about my city, I care about my state.
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: And I try to make it and I'm trying to
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: make a difference here.
• 25:31
  Speaker 4: I'm trying my best and I could flee. I don't
• 25:34
  Speaker 4: think less of you for fleeing. I hope you don't
• 25:35
  Speaker 4: think less of me for staying.
• 25:37
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it is a I think back to the social
• 25:40
  Speaker 5: media thing too.
• 25:41
  Speaker 2: There is a social it is a social disagreement in
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: some ways.
• 25:47
  Speaker 5: It's happening right now, and it's been happening for I
• 25:50
  Speaker 5: think quite some time, and it's just what we're seeing
• 25:53
  Speaker 5: it occur in different ways now.
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: And that is.
• 25:56
  Speaker 5: People who think that posting on social media is is
• 26:00
  Speaker 5: posting on social media, and there is people that think
• 26:02
  Speaker 5: that posting on social media is taking an action. So
• 26:06
  Speaker 5: it is I want to do something about the circumstance
• 26:10
  Speaker 5: that my community, my town, my city, my country is in.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: The thing that I have landed on is.
• 26:19
  Speaker 5: Post on social media, right, and I'm gonna I'm gonna
• 26:21
  Speaker 5: spread awareness, big quotes, I'm gonna spread awareness to use
• 26:24
  Speaker 5: my platform.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: By doing that.
• 26:27
  Speaker 5: The more and more we look at these things, the
• 26:29
  Speaker 5: more we realize that these aren't platforms.
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: That people who.
• 26:33
  Speaker 5: Didn't have platforms before social media don't really have platforms
• 26:37
  Speaker 5: after social media. Your friend groups and you are as
• 26:42
  Speaker 5: influential in your friend group as you are without social.
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: Media right or before this political.
• 26:50
  Speaker 5: And so like, maybe don't try to make social changes
• 26:54
  Speaker 5: on social media because it doesn't it doesn't seem like
• 26:57
  Speaker 5: it's really doing.
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: I agree. If I think we've.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: Given you some really good advice, Billy, and if all
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: of that fails, here's your fallback.
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: Your fallback.
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: Next time they say something about how amazing it is
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: to live in their city, whatever city that is. Yeah,
• 27:17
  Speaker 1: it's obviously it's obvious, But twist tell them, tell them
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: just how proud you are of them, and how amazing
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: it is that they can just give up so easily,
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: and you wish that you could do that too.
• 27:32
  Speaker 2: This is the girl move. You're such a I'm so
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: happy that I have a driving helper. Move ye yeah, yeah.
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: This.
• 27:40
  Speaker 4: Before Like, Oh, I love that you can just wear anything,
• 27:45
  Speaker 4: you know. I just love that you would. I could
• 27:48
  Speaker 4: never leave the house if it like you just can
• 27:49
  Speaker 4: wear anything. I just you're so brave.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: I wish I could put on weight like you and
• 27:54
  Speaker 2: still look beautiful. God, oh my god, Jesus, Nick, that
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: glow you have when you look pregnant, but you're not. God,
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: you are a caddy bitch. I'm really glad. I'm terrified.
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: I am terrified of menacing Nick. Like is passive aggressive?
• 28:19
  Speaker 4: I think I actually benefit from the fact that you've
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: always just been directly aggressive, never passive aggressive. When you
• 28:25
  Speaker 4: have notes for me, you're like, hey, man, stop doing this,
• 28:28
  Speaker 4: Like okay, Like, I'm really glad you're.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: Not doing are good at being passive? My god?
• 28:33
  Speaker 4: That would come me deep anyway, Billy, good luck with this.
• 28:36
  Speaker 4: We will send the paternity test results from Jacob to
• 28:39
  Speaker 4: your po box. Just send us that information. You also
• 28:42
  Speaker 4: have to get in line because there's a cue. So
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: I don't have any money, not because he never had
• 28:47
  Speaker 4: any money, but because you came late. Sorry, buddy, Hi,
• 28:52
  Speaker 4: We're going to take a quick break in when we
• 28:53
  Speaker 4: come back, we're talking about s S R.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: Eyes. You're listening to pot Therapy.
• 29:00
  Speaker 1: Today's episode are brought to you by Jake Schneider, Luleiah,
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: Richard Mason, Sonny Boys, Under Cougar, Falcon Scoops, I Am
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: a fucker, Sander mcwafflella, Tommy Adam Warren, b Dad Crimes
• 29:11
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• 29:14
  Speaker 1: become a surpucer Patreon dot com slash please do again.
• 29:22
  Speaker 2: I'm not going to say it because damn.
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: It, we need to get that all right Halloween movie
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: trivia before, but we're going to do it again.
• 29:30
  Speaker 2: Here we go, fuck them up. Let's go when don't
• 29:32
  Speaker 2: you want to go first?
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: Why not?
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: In Halloween two nineteen eighty one?
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: Ship? Where does most of the take place? Yeah?
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: I was sorry it was lest part.
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: Where does Halloween two take place? Where does most of
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: the movie take place?
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: I'm just kid. Do you have a city or state?
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: I might have one saloon.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: You're gonna want options? Yeah?
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: Is this what Jamie Lee?
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: Oh?
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: Options? Yes?
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: Options, hadden Field High School, Smith's Grove Sanitarium, hadden Field
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: Memorial Hospital, or Laurie's home.
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: Where there's sanitariums in the eighties. Yes, oh shit. Who's
• 30:11
  Speaker 2: the bad guy in Halloween two? Michael Myers?
• 30:15
  Speaker 3: Is that the first?
• 30:15
  Speaker 2: Is that the guy in the jumpsuit? Yeah, okay, jumpsuit
• 30:18
  Speaker 2: in the in the white mask and he stabs people?
• 30:20
  Speaker 2: Or is that Jason the first? This is hard hadden
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: Field High School. I think yeah.
• 30:27
  Speaker 3: I don't know about the second one.
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: The first one at her sanitarium.
• 30:31
  Speaker 2: I feel like he's more of an indoor killer guy.
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's either Be or D. I'm gonna go with uh.
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: The sanitarium makes my job super easy.
• 30:42
  Speaker 4: When Whitney gets really quiet while she's thinking about the
• 30:45
  Speaker 4: answers to the trivia questions.
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, then you get to do love editing. No, sorry,
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: so b was out what she gets out? Okay, Be's
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: off the table the sanitarium right out. Yeah.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: Do you guys want to take Gopher steals? Oh, we're
• 31:00
  Speaker 1: for still give you each a chance. It goes that way,
• 31:02
  Speaker 1: we'll go go to Jacob my next. Yep, I think
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: it's in the hospital.
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: It is HyET is that I've never seen these movies
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: because they're too scary. My mom said, I wasn't allowed.
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: The first ones in her home?
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: Right? Yeah? What the bad guys in her home? What
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: it's like her neighborhood.
• 31:19
  Speaker 3: Baby sitting across the street at one?
• 31:20
  Speaker 4: So what is the deal with this bad guy? The
• 31:22
  Speaker 4: Mike Myers? I thought he was Austin Powers.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: Yes he is, but that's later, all right, Jacob what
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: candy bar Brand famously refused to be featured in e
• 31:34
  Speaker 1: t the Extraterrestrial Pieces unexpected popularity?
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: Correct?
• 31:42
  Speaker 4: Wow, Eminem's pulled out. Yeah, unlike Ja they now has paternity.
• 31:47
  Speaker 4: Would not they would not allow it at all.
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: Wow, Yeah, fuck you Eminem's.
• 31:52
  Speaker 4: I heard that they're actually decreasing the amount of chocolate
• 31:54
  Speaker 4: they're putting in all their products right now, because cocoa
• 31:56
  Speaker 4: beans are like going through a thing, so they're like diversifying.
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: It's exciting, all right.
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: In the night here before Christmas, thank you for giving?
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: Does Jack not open in the forest?
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: Well several? So which one does he not open? That's
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: literally the question?
• 32:13
  Speaker 4: Okay, So he opens the Christmas one, he doesn't open
• 32:17
  Speaker 4: the Thanksgiving one Christmas, and then he doesn't open the
• 32:21
  Speaker 4: Easter one, and he doesn't open the the Saint Patrick's
• 32:25
  Speaker 4: Day one. Or you can get yes, let's not go
• 32:29
  Speaker 4: with Okay, so I remember him like staring, really, so
• 32:36
  Speaker 4: let's go with that. He doesn't open the Thanksgiving one.
• 32:38
  Speaker 4: God damn it. This game is fucking rigged for the steal.
• 32:42
  Speaker 3: Easter.
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: No, Oh, this is stupid. I would like options.
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: Valentine's Day, Easter, Thanksgiving or Independence Day. Valentine's Day No
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: five points for.
• 32:58
  Speaker 2: Doesn't So what was the answer?
• 33:00
  Speaker 3: Thanksgiving the one?
• 33:00
  Speaker 2: I just said Thanksgiving, but I said Thanksgiving, I said
• 33:03
  Speaker 2: Independence state.
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: Jesus Christ, Oh I missed that.
• 33:07
  Speaker 4: Yeah, good luck you. You yell at me for things.
• 33:09
  Speaker 4: But when he tells them to no, it's not just me.
• 33:14
  Speaker 4: They make me do stuff and away from There wasn't
• 33:19
  Speaker 4: even an Independence Day tree. This is fucking stupid.
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: But that wasn't even a question. It was a door.
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: Oh what door? He didn't There wasn't one. I think
• 33:29
  Speaker 3: there might be there was.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: I watched this movie every year.
• 33:32
  Speaker 4: There's Valentine's Day one, there's an Easter one, there's a
• 33:35
  Speaker 4: Thanksgiving one, there's the Saint Patrick's Day one. Because they
• 33:37
  Speaker 4: can get one symbol on the thing, and so it's
• 33:39
  Speaker 4: like a turkey.
• 33:40
  Speaker 3: Is this what's that thing where called where you think
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: something existed, but.
• 33:45
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, this could totally be happening. I do
• 33:49
  Speaker 2: this a lot. Also, I am on a lot of
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: acid right now. Entirely possible.
• 33:54
  Speaker 4: All right, So I continue under protest. But I believe
• 33:57
  Speaker 4: Jacob's in the lead right now with two points.
• 33:59
  Speaker 2: No, I in the lead with five points. Oh, continue
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: under protest s s R Eyes from Sammy.
• 34:07
  Speaker 5: Hi, Jim Nick was looking at these pictures of screenshots
• 34:10
  Speaker 5: from the Nightmare before Christmas.
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: Very obviously shows.
• 34:13
  Speaker 3: And it depends thing.
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: Is it American flag? That's kind of fucked up?
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: What is American flag?
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: Keeps firework?
• 34:21
  Speaker 5: Firecracker? It's like a big red thing with yellow stars
• 34:24
  Speaker 5: on it.
• 34:24
  Speaker 4: I guess, okay, fine, if it does exist, which I
• 34:27
  Speaker 4: still don't agree, but even if it does.
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: I'm still right.
• 34:30
  Speaker 4: He didn't open up the Thanksgiving one, so I feel
• 34:33
  Speaker 4: like I should get credit for Thank.
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: You, Whitney.
• 34:34
  Speaker 4: It just a bad question, Hi, Jim Nick, Whitney and Jacob.
• 34:38
  Speaker 4: I heard the call from Questions and I thought i'd
• 34:40
  Speaker 4: send this in h I sent this to Jim on
• 34:42
  Speaker 4: discord a while ago, So if it looks familiar, that's why.
• 34:45
  Speaker 4: Basically I was on serotonin for a few years to
• 34:48
  Speaker 4: help with p M d D. I went off of
• 34:50
  Speaker 4: it because I started using birth control that had the
• 34:53
  Speaker 4: bonus effect of stabilizing my mood. So under doctor's supervision,
• 34:56
  Speaker 4: I went off my SSR eyes She said, since I
• 35:00
  Speaker 4: on the lowest dose, I can just stop taking it.
• 35:02
  Speaker 4: A few days later, I started getting something that felt
• 35:05
  Speaker 4: like my brain was being zapped. When I could get
• 35:08
  Speaker 4: a hold of a doctor, they told me this was
• 35:10
  Speaker 4: common and it will go away with time.
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: So I powered through.
• 35:13
  Speaker 4: I mean, she was right, it went away after a month,
• 35:16
  Speaker 4: but it wasn't fun. My question is is this common?
• 35:19
  Speaker 4: Why isn't it talked about more? What causes it? Thinks
• 35:23
  Speaker 4: Lady Sammy scoop the SSRI brain zapps?
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: All right, first pmd.
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: DE, Yeah, tell them what that is.
• 35:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, pre monstrul dysphoric disorder a bit. Yeah, it's a
• 35:36
  Speaker 3: really extreme form of PMS pre monstrul syndrome. Yeah, it
• 35:42
  Speaker 3: can have some really serious yeah, sentomology to it. And
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: it's not something I've had many clients come to me
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: for it. Okay, maybe one that I can think of.
• 35:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was.
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: Dealing with that.
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: I feel it's underdiagnosed.
• 35:55
  Speaker 3: It probably I agree with that. Yeah, actually I do
• 35:57
  Speaker 3: agree with that. But yeah, the SSR I take. I mean,
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: I'm that is not my specialty, you know, mets like that.
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: But as far as just dealing with those symptoms for PMDD,
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: I'm really sorry that you're going through that caset. It
• 36:12
  Speaker 3: sucks to be a woman some time. I was just
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: lamenting to my my friends this last week. I was like,
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: can I just not have a period anymore? That would
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: be great because one of our friends has had like
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: a partial hysterectomy for medical reasons, and I was like,
• 36:24
  Speaker 3: can I just do that?
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: But elective hysterectomy so you don't have a period.
• 36:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah, right, and like your your you needed yours, but
• 36:31
  Speaker 3: can I just opt for that? But it is a mess,
• 36:34
  Speaker 3: like trying to figure out birth control that works for
• 36:37
  Speaker 3: you with your body, and then as you change, Like
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: I was on a certain birth control when I was younger,
• 36:42
  Speaker 3: and then like tried it again later and it did
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: not interact the same way it did when I was younger.
• 36:46
  Speaker 3: It's like you're always trying to experiment and there's physical
• 36:50
  Speaker 3: side effects, there's emotional mental side effects. Probably the worst
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: one when we're talking about uh, just like birth control
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: in general, I do not recommend this. Definitely talk to
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: your doctor. But I didn't have insurance at the time
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: years ago, and uh so I had my sister in
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: law bring over uh yeahs, which is the type of news. Yes,
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: I did not know this because it's so long ago.
• 37:18
  Speaker 3: So she's it was from Taiwan too, so she was
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: living in Taiwan. She brought it over. It's all in
• 37:23
  Speaker 3: you know, symbols and not words except for yeahs. So
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh, yeah, no, biggie, I'll just take
• 37:28
  Speaker 3: this till I can like get a doctor appointment or
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: like figure it out for a couple months. I'm not kidding.
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: Within I think it was two three days of taking it.
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: Within that first week, I literally had thoughts of just
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: not wanting to be here. Wow, And it was so
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: fucking scary. I was just crying randomly. I'd have these thoughts.
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: I've never in my life had thoughts like that. Oh
• 37:51
  Speaker 3: thank God. But it was like so bizarre to experience that,
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: like out of nowhere, and it freaked me the fuck out.
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: And at the time I wasn't thinking of that as
• 38:01
  Speaker 3: different because I've been on birth control before, so I
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: didn't feel like something noticeably. You know when you start
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: a new med you're like, oh, let me pay attention.
• 38:07
  Speaker 3: I wasn't really paying attention because I was like, wow,
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: it's just another another pill which is more the same
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: and more the same. So it took me probably a
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: day or two to really sit and think. I'm like,
• 38:14
  Speaker 3: what am I doing? What's been different? And I was
• 38:16
  Speaker 3: like that fucking pill. So I stopped taking it within
• 38:19
  Speaker 3: three days. Good never again. Experience that, and it really
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: opened my eyes to just I had a lot of things,
• 38:26
  Speaker 3: depressive symptoms, and on one hand, I was actually really
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: grateful to have that experience because it helped me be
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: more empathetic.
• 38:33
  Speaker 4: Well, it's a very effective birth control because you don't
• 38:36
  Speaker 4: want to fuck because you're so sad. Well, and see,
• 38:38
  Speaker 4: like that's what they don't tell you is it works
• 38:39
  Speaker 4: in that way, so it was doing its job. You
• 38:42
  Speaker 4: shame on you for not reading Taiwanese.
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: You can't be pregnant if you're you're too sad.
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: I don't want to have sex. Oh my god, it's working.
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: I didn't say it didn't work. Yeah, yeah, that's like
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: a little side quest. But I just feel like, gosh,
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: being a woman is hard.
• 38:58
  Speaker 2: So yeah, yeah, I don't think she is a hot
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: nineteen years. It is.
• 39:02
  Speaker 4: We don't talk enough about like hormonal like pieces of
• 39:06
  Speaker 4: mental health. And I think some of it's because it's taboo,
• 39:09
  Speaker 4: some of it because it feels outside of our direct control.
• 39:11
  Speaker 4: And even with psychiatry, they're like, I don't know, you know,
• 39:15
  Speaker 4: but like it, Like PMDD is such an interesting one.
• 39:17
  Speaker 4: I've actually had several cases over the years that are PMDD,
• 39:20
  Speaker 4: but a lot of times they come to you undiagnosed,
• 39:22
  Speaker 4: you know, because they think people think it's borderline and
• 39:24
  Speaker 4: think it's like bipolar and be like, oh my god,
• 39:26
  Speaker 4: she's having some kind of cycling right, and she like
• 39:29
  Speaker 4: drops into massive depression. Then she'll come out of it
• 39:30
  Speaker 4: and sho have all this energy, and it's like, you know,
• 39:32
  Speaker 4: they mistake it for bipolar, and they'll often be like
• 39:35
  Speaker 4: prescribed antipsychotics or mood stabilizers, which maybe is helpful, I
• 39:39
  Speaker 4: don't know, But more often I notice that whenever they
• 39:42
  Speaker 4: start getting more into the weeds with their gynecologist about
• 39:45
  Speaker 4: like birth control, medicine and hormonal regulation, that seems to
• 39:48
  Speaker 4: solve it. And like that's so fascinating that whenever they
• 39:51
  Speaker 4: start controlling their period and like having a little bit
• 39:54
  Speaker 4: more of that, like hormonal balance, everything's better. But like
• 39:58
  Speaker 4: it's like you said, it's a roll of the dice
• 39:59
  Speaker 4: to know like which medicines are gonna affect you which ways.
• 40:01
  Speaker 4: There's so many different options. It's it's so bewildering, Like
• 40:05
  Speaker 4: obviously he's a male therapist, Like I just have no
• 40:07
  Speaker 4: lived experience in that realm, so I just try to
• 40:09
  Speaker 4: be really curious. But like PMDD man, I just I'm
• 40:13
  Speaker 4: really glad we get questions like this because it's one
• 40:14
  Speaker 4: of those things that people just have never even heard
• 40:17
  Speaker 4: of and they don't even know is a real thing.
• 40:20
  Speaker 4: And this is where I think we have a lot
• 40:21
  Speaker 4: of benefits of AI now because a lot of people
• 40:23
  Speaker 4: are typing in symptoms and the AI is like, hey
• 40:25
  Speaker 4: have you thought about this? You're like, the fuck is that?
• 40:27
  Speaker 4: Like no, like what is it?
• 40:29
  Speaker 3: Like?
• 40:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah, a lot of what you're describing seems to really
• 40:31
  Speaker 4: match this, like doctor your doctor about it, and but
• 40:34
  Speaker 4: it's still one of those things that's really hard to medicate.
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: And in Sammy's case, it sounds like started with SSRIs
• 40:39
  Speaker 4: try to manage these symptoms, but birth control ultimately did
• 40:42
  Speaker 4: solve the PMDD, so it was time to go ahead
• 40:45
  Speaker 4: and get off of them. And then when you're getting
• 40:47
  Speaker 4: off of the SSRIs brains apps. Yeah, and so some
• 40:50
  Speaker 4: people will talk about brains apps.
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: I don't see.
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: I should describe that to the listener who man doesn't
• 40:58
  Speaker 1: know what that means. Also, hyster direct me, that's when
• 41:01
  Speaker 1: the doctor surgically removes your history.
• 41:04
  Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, you've had a history. That's a hys direct
• 41:10
  Speaker 4: internal that's all it is. Yeah, gotcha, yeah, yeah, right, Yeah,
• 41:14
  Speaker 4: it's very easy to perform. Actually it's in and out,
• 41:16
  Speaker 4: so it's not good. But women still pitching. I was
• 41:19
  Speaker 4: gonna make it some big as you look.
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: At us, but no.
• 41:23
  Speaker 4: So the brains apps, I mean, I've I've been on
• 41:26
  Speaker 4: SSRIs in my history, and when I've come off of them,
• 41:30
  Speaker 4: I've never had what I would describe as the zapps.
• 41:33
  Speaker 4: I've had other people talk about it. There is a
• 41:37
  Speaker 4: fogginess sometimes getting on as SRIS and coming back off
• 41:40
  Speaker 4: of them, like people will experience like just this little
• 41:43
  Speaker 4: bit of a disconnection, Like it feels like your reaction
• 41:46
  Speaker 4: time is a little bit slowed. You feel a little dull,
• 41:49
  Speaker 4: You feel like it's a little bit harder to focus,
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: and like there's a cloudiness. I feel like that's a
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: very common experience. It's a little bit of cloudiness. Sometimes
• 41:56
  Speaker 4: it feels like cognitive fatigue. It's just you're not able
• 41:59
  Speaker 4: to like la to what's going on. You almost feel
• 42:01
  Speaker 4: like you're passively observing. It's maybe a slight, like one
• 42:05
  Speaker 4: percent dissociative experience where you just feel like you're watching
• 42:09
  Speaker 4: the world kind of go by and you don't feel
• 42:11
  Speaker 4: the need to engage with it, which is actually part
• 42:13
  Speaker 4: of the magic of SSRIs. When you're feeling depressed or anxious,
• 42:16
  Speaker 4: is a detachment from a reality that was hurting you
• 42:19
  Speaker 4: and so like, to some extent, I think that's actually helpful.
• 42:22
  Speaker 4: But brains apps are something I've definitely read about. I've
• 42:25
  Speaker 4: occasionally had patients talk about it where I mean kind
• 42:28
  Speaker 4: of like going back to how Sammy describes it here,
• 42:31
  Speaker 4: feeling like my brain was being zapped.
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean just.
• 42:34
  Speaker 4: Like the sense of like zings, and I don't know
• 42:37
  Speaker 4: that it's a physical pain. It's like it's like your
• 42:40
  Speaker 4: brain is maybe trying to like wake up all of
• 42:41
  Speaker 4: a sudden, and it's like this sense of like alertness
• 42:44
  Speaker 4: and so I don't know. I mean, that's the best
• 42:46
  Speaker 4: like that I've ever heard it described. But I've never experienced.
• 42:49
  Speaker 3: Client like mentioned this being a side effect if they're
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: going on or off of SRUS.
• 42:54
  Speaker 4: Very rarely, very very rarely I've had people because usually
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: so like in Sammy's case, her doctor said, look, you're
• 43:02
  Speaker 4: at a very low dose of your SSRI, so I
• 43:05
  Speaker 4: don't want to wean you off. But the usual tight
• 43:08
  Speaker 4: trading schedule off of SSRIs is something like, Okay, you're
• 43:11
  Speaker 4: gonna take it on Monday, skip Tuesday, take it on
• 43:13
  Speaker 4: Wednesday skip, or they'll say cut them in half if
• 43:15
  Speaker 4: you can cut them in half, and then like slowly
• 43:17
  Speaker 4: tight traded out of your system, because this is soris
• 43:20
  Speaker 4: are a build up medicine, not a daily meta or
• 43:22
  Speaker 4: in the sense that like the half life takes time
• 43:24
  Speaker 4: like a week to dissipate in your system.
• 43:26
  Speaker 2: So that's usually the case.
• 43:28
  Speaker 4: But like I've met Sammy, Sammy is petite and like
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: giving you know, Sammy a very low dose and be like, well,
• 43:34
  Speaker 4: you're on the lowest dose for adults. It's like, homie,
• 43:36
  Speaker 4: she is the lowest kind of adult, Like she's not
• 43:39
  Speaker 4: much bigger.
• 43:40
  Speaker 3: She could probably shop in.
• 43:41
  Speaker 4: The kids area, Like, I don't know that you should
• 43:43
  Speaker 4: just be going off of the milligrams, like you know,
• 43:46
  Speaker 4: So I think that your doctor may have like I
• 43:49
  Speaker 4: don't know, I don't like to you know, a psychiatrist,
• 43:51
  Speaker 4: but yeah, I think that they may have gotten the
• 43:54
  Speaker 4: titration plan a little off and said, look, you can
• 43:56
  Speaker 4: just rip the band aid off. And to your doctor's credit,
• 43:59
  Speaker 4: I would say a percentage of the time, at least
• 44:01
  Speaker 4: in my lived experience, nothing comes of that, you know,
• 44:04
  Speaker 4: like maybe a little bit of like fatigue, maybe a
• 44:06
  Speaker 4: little bit of abdominal adjustment, and then yeah, two or
• 44:09
  Speaker 4: three days usually, But for Sammy to be like dude,
• 44:12
  Speaker 4: for like a month I was getting his apps, Like
• 44:14
  Speaker 4: that's something that.
• 44:15
  Speaker 3: Is due to her size, like you said, just it
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: being an abrupt change to her system.
• 44:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and it could have something to do with like
• 44:21
  Speaker 4: the withdrawal of serotonin the system, because like it's so
• 44:24
  Speaker 4: fascinating what we've learned about SSRIs and like what serotonin
• 44:27
  Speaker 4: ultimately does. So we talk about this periodically for the listeners,
• 44:30
  Speaker 4: but when you think about what SSRIs do, they're selective
• 44:33
  Speaker 4: serotonin reuptake inhibitors. So serotonin's one of the like neuro
• 44:37
  Speaker 4: juices that your brain makes. And basically this medicine just
• 44:40
  Speaker 4: kind of like a sink. Is that gonna be a
• 44:43
  Speaker 4: goddamn drop? Episode title Fuck the Brain. This medicine kind
• 44:48
  Speaker 4: of puts little scraps of tissue paper into the sink
• 44:51
  Speaker 4: and into the drain, and so your your brain keeps
• 44:54
  Speaker 4: dripping this this serotonin into your brain, but instead of
• 44:57
  Speaker 4: it going down the sink, you're the SSRI medice and
• 45:00
  Speaker 4: clogs that out. That's the reuptake inhibition. So what's happening
• 45:04
  Speaker 4: is you're basically getting to live with more of your
• 45:07
  Speaker 4: serotonin in your brain. And serotonin has a lot of
• 45:10
  Speaker 4: interesting effects. One of them is neurogenesis. And so like
• 45:13
  Speaker 4: the dendritic forest of your brain tree, all those little
• 45:16
  Speaker 4: neurons that are reaching out touching each other, that gets
• 45:18
  Speaker 4: denser whenever you're on ssrise. It also gets denser, by
• 45:21
  Speaker 4: the way, when you exercise or whenever you're doing lots
• 45:23
  Speaker 4: of novel experiences, your brain is being asked to do
• 45:26
  Speaker 4: new things and it will do the same thing. So
• 45:28
  Speaker 4: exercise plus srise is a huge winning combination for antidepression.
• 45:34
  Speaker 4: But I could see the opposite effect happening where you
• 45:36
  Speaker 4: suddenly remove the serotonin, it starts draining from your body
• 45:40
  Speaker 4: at a kind of a rapid rate, you know, in
• 45:42
  Speaker 4: the sense that you had a high volume of it,
• 45:44
  Speaker 4: and now the little tissue papers dissolve in the drain.
• 45:47
  Speaker 4: The drain sucks down the serotonin, and all those little
• 45:49
  Speaker 4: trees are kind of like naked now they're not being
• 45:52
  Speaker 4: fertilized by that serotonin. And that my postulate would be
• 45:55
  Speaker 4: that that's related to what the zapps are, is that
• 45:57
  Speaker 4: somehow the dendrites are like not aided in this you know,
• 46:00
  Speaker 4: seratonin bath anymore and sort of experiencing something like a
• 46:04
  Speaker 4: mental shiver. And I'm sure that there's a psychiatrists listening
• 46:07
  Speaker 4: to this right now. That's like, that is zero fucking
• 46:09
  Speaker 4: percent what happened. Yeah, we'd love to have also.
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: I guarantee there's no psychiatrists listening to the show.
• 46:14
  Speaker 4: We had one once, we've had them right in and
• 46:17
  Speaker 4: I don't know years, I'm sure they left for the reason.
• 46:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, probably all the nineteen year old talk.
• 46:22
  Speaker 4: What there's not all the nineteen year olds like there was,
• 46:25
  Speaker 4: and you fucking captured it.
• 46:26
  Speaker 3: I still don't know where it came.
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: From I mean it's still happening right now.
• 46:29
  Speaker 1: Okay, but because the studio is named I mean I
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: should say that's why the psychiatrist is not coming back.
• 46:37
  Speaker 2: Maybe that's not why they left.
• 46:39
  Speaker 4: Anyway, that's my two cents. Anybody have anything else throw
• 46:41
  Speaker 4: on that one?
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: No, I'm not as well versed on med side effects.
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: Like, yeah, I get it, it's a new one. I'd
• 46:49
  Speaker 2: say do like Whitney and uh take drugs that your.
• 46:51
  Speaker 3: Friends have, yeah from Taiwan especially Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 46:55
  Speaker 3: mystery drugs.
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: Don't ask questions, no easy as, and.
• 46:58
  Speaker 3: Then pay attention to how you feel.
• 47:00
  Speaker 4: Rested the fuck episode title? Anyway, Sammy, I'm really glad
• 47:03
  Speaker 4: that you got through the PMDD. I'm glad for questions
• 47:06
  Speaker 4: like this because it gives us a chance to just
• 47:08
  Speaker 4: teach the public about things like PMDD, to teach them
• 47:11
  Speaker 4: about SSRIs, to teach about side effects while also right
• 47:14
  Speaker 4: sizing that so that it doesn't scare anybody away. And
• 47:16
  Speaker 4: even though that was uncomfortable for you, you had solved
• 47:19
  Speaker 4: depression another way in your life.
• 47:20
  Speaker 2: If you had not, we.
• 47:22
  Speaker 4: Would have wanted you on those SSRIs, even with a
• 47:24
  Speaker 4: risk of brains apps, right, because like, they don't happen
• 47:27
  Speaker 4: while you're on them, they happen when you're getting off
• 47:29
  Speaker 4: of them. So the tie trading schedule was probably what
• 47:31
  Speaker 4: was to blame there. And I'm surprised the doctor just
• 47:34
  Speaker 4: said rip the band aid off. But usually they'll be like, look,
• 47:36
  Speaker 4: there's no harm to going slow, cut the rest of
• 47:39
  Speaker 4: your dose in half or whatever. But also we do
• 47:40
  Speaker 4: not give medical advice. Always listen to your doctor. They're
• 47:42
  Speaker 4: always right. I'm always wrong. Anyway, we're gonna take a
• 47:45
  Speaker 4: quick break, and when we come back, we're talking about
• 47:48
  Speaker 4: sharing finances. You're listening to pod therapy.
• 47:52
  Speaker 1: Today's episode has brought to you by Jake Schneier, Movie,
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: Richard macy Sonny Boy, Thunder, Truvi, your Falcon Shoops. Let
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: me tell you Motherfunder, Sarah mclaughlen, Adam Warren B Gay
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: do crimes and whip blop and if you would like
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: to spots the show, become a therap producer.
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: Dot com slash there. But the shine from my Man
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: is like dulling but not abortion. Let me see it.
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: Took a picture while I was there.
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: I like it.
• 48:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's black with sparkles.
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: I dig it all right, Shitney thanks nice, agreed, I
• 48:27
  Speaker 2: like Shitney, that was your high school man.
• 48:28
  Speaker 3: There's a lot of options, are.
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: Okay? In Donnie Darko two.
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: Thousand, I haven't seen that so long.
• 48:37
  Speaker 2: I've only seen it one.
• 48:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah, me too once, like a decade or more.
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: What is the name of the man in the creepy
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: rabbit costume?
• 48:45
  Speaker 3: I need options? I don't know Donnie, and I'm just
• 48:47
  Speaker 3: kidding me.
• 48:48
  Speaker 4: What's the miss it was dark Ore?
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: Your options are Frank, Harvey, Ralph or Daniel.
• 48:57
  Speaker 3: Jesus, it's not Harvey. That's the other bunny rabbit where
• 49:02
  Speaker 3: he's invisible that old movie. Oh yeah, our friend is
• 49:06
  Speaker 3: obsessed with that movie. I know that one was that
• 49:09
  Speaker 3: is it called Harvey?
• 49:10
  Speaker 2: Might be?
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: I want to hear out anyway. So it's not Harvey,
• 49:14
  Speaker 3: you said Fred.
• 49:16
  Speaker 2: Frank, Ralph or Daniel.
• 49:19
  Speaker 3: I feel like it's Frank or Ralph, Frank, Frank it
• 49:23
  Speaker 3: is Oh stop in my storage compartment of.
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: I really thought it was Donnie Darko.
• 49:30
  Speaker 4: I was thinking, like, oh, you should have taken the
• 49:32
  Speaker 4: two like it probably is Donny Darko and so I
• 49:35
  Speaker 4: was doctor Smith.
• 49:36
  Speaker 2: Yes what. Nineteen eighties horror anthology film features a Halloween
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: segment directed by George A. Romero and written by Stephen King.
• 49:48
  Speaker 2: Oh mythology, say that again? What?
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: Nineteen eighties horror anthology film Any features a Halloween segment
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: directed by George A. Ro Marrow and written by Stephen King. Okay,
• 50:02
  Speaker 1: give me the options. Tales from the Dark Side, the
• 50:06
  Speaker 1: movie Cats, creep Show or body Bags.
• 50:11
  Speaker 2: I think it's creep creepshow too. It is. We both
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: got I.
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: Didn't understand a single word, and that.
• 50:21
  Speaker 2: Maybe like I helped, but whatever, I affirmed your choice.
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: I was riding shotgun the whole time. But now you
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: don't want to put the bro.
• 50:27
  Speaker 3: He shoved you out.
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: Jesus, Uh Jim Uh, mister Jim in the Crow nineteen ninety.
• 50:37
  Speaker 3: Four, another good one.
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: What holiday is taking place on the night Eric Draven
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: and his fiance are murdered?
• 50:45
  Speaker 6: Oh?
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: No, Arbor Day. I hope not enough movies about Give
• 50:52
  Speaker 2: me options. The trees have guns?
• 51:02
  Speaker 3: That Mark Wahlberg. Maybe the happening where.
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: Comes out running from the mist.
• 51:08
  Speaker 1: This time they're the lumber Jet, Halloween, Devil's Night, All
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: Saints Day or the Winter Solstice.
• 51:18
  Speaker 2: Oh Jesus, all right, it's not gonna be All Saints
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: Day because that's Boondocks, Saints Uh, Halloween's these have done
• 51:24
  Speaker 2: the same thing. Ever, Yeah, no, that's not right. And
• 51:27
  Speaker 2: that's also that's just not true. There's the second ones
• 51:29
  Speaker 2: called All Saints Day.
• 51:31
  Speaker 5: That came out I believe after the crow did is
• 51:34
  Speaker 5: called All Saints Day, and therefore it it cannot be
• 51:36
  Speaker 5: the same.
• 51:36
  Speaker 4: Okay, so redcon off of Halloween, off of All Saints Day?
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: What were my other two options?
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: Devil's Night and the Winter Solstice?
• 51:46
  Speaker 2: Give me Devil's Night. That feels like a premise. It is.
• 51:52
  Speaker 4: Everybody, everybody wins sharing finances from still ahead idiot.
• 52:02
  Speaker 2: Actually, yeah, yeah, I know. I just need one.
• 52:06
  Speaker 4: Hello you amazing human beings. I'm writing with a six
• 52:10
  Speaker 4: stomach full of anxiety, the type in which you can't eat.
• 52:14
  Speaker 4: I'm spiraling and currently looking for therapists. The situation that
• 52:18
  Speaker 4: has me scared is I'm afraid I've discovered something that
• 52:21
  Speaker 4: might end my relationship with my wife. Years ago, when
• 52:25
  Speaker 4: we first started dating and got to a serious point
• 52:27
  Speaker 4: and started having the finances talk where I share my
• 52:30
  Speaker 4: information and she shares hers, I sheepishly went into the
• 52:34
  Speaker 4: topic because I was scared that she would see my debt.
• 52:37
  Speaker 4: She was very understanding and was reassuring that we'd make
• 52:40
  Speaker 4: a plan to get rid of it. It made me
• 52:42
  Speaker 4: feel great. When it came time for her to open
• 52:44
  Speaker 4: up about her finances, it was quickly shut down. The
• 52:47
  Speaker 4: reason being that since her mom and her her mom
• 52:51
  Speaker 4: and her own a business together, her mom's money is
• 52:54
  Speaker 4: intertwined with my wife's money, and she promised her mom
• 52:57
  Speaker 4: she would never share their information with anyone. I was
• 53:00
  Speaker 4: instantly taken aback, not knowing that this is what I'd hear.
• 53:04
  Speaker 4: I mean, I just exposed the very personal side of
• 53:07
  Speaker 4: me and she wasn't willing to do this herself. I
• 53:09
  Speaker 4: don't know, it just feels very unfair. Again, this happened
• 53:13
  Speaker 4: three years ago. I was not comfortable but push those
• 53:16
  Speaker 4: feelings aside. Fast forward to present time. Her and I
• 53:19
  Speaker 4: were watching White Lotus together and in season two it
• 53:22
  Speaker 4: censored around cheating. I have a lot of hurt when
• 53:26
  Speaker 4: it comes to being cheated on in my past, and
• 53:28
  Speaker 4: I didn't know that this would trigger me. I didn't
• 53:31
  Speaker 4: feel triggered when we were watching, but later on my
• 53:34
  Speaker 4: daughter woke up in the middle of the night as
• 53:36
  Speaker 4: she was very young, and so I helped her. I
• 53:40
  Speaker 4: went to lay back down again, and my stupid mind
• 53:42
  Speaker 4: couldn't escape the start of a spiral. I remembered our
• 53:46
  Speaker 4: past conversation about finances, and for some reason got really worried.
• 53:50
  Speaker 4: What if my absolutely amazing wife was hiding something from me?
• 53:53
  Speaker 4: What if she still has a joint account with her
• 53:55
  Speaker 4: ex husband? Stupid thought, I know, but I figured next day,
• 53:59
  Speaker 4: why not just a right If it's nothing, I'll walk away.
• 54:02
  Speaker 4: Knowing I'm a spiral, I'm a spiraling idiot, knowing that
• 54:05
  Speaker 4: I have to do work with my anxieties. I own it,
• 54:08
  Speaker 4: I admit it. I struggle with the thought of losing
• 54:10
  Speaker 4: my everything, my wife, happiness and family. I asked her
• 54:14
  Speaker 4: the next day for proof of the joint account. I
• 54:16
  Speaker 4: know this is wrong of me. I shouldn't have to
• 54:19
  Speaker 4: rely on her subduing my spiraling, but I thought she'd help.
• 54:22
  Speaker 4: But no, she was very defensive, saying again and again,
• 54:26
  Speaker 4: you know why, it's my mom's information, etc. I told her, right, okay,
• 54:31
  Speaker 4: I'm not asking to see numbers, which I do believe
• 54:33
  Speaker 4: I do have the right to know as her common
• 54:35
  Speaker 4: law husband. Plus, we have kids and live together. We're
• 54:38
  Speaker 4: also gearing up to move out of the country together.
• 54:41
  Speaker 4: To her home country. But no, I'm not asking to
• 54:44
  Speaker 4: see the numbers because that is an invasion of her
• 54:46
  Speaker 4: mother's privacy. I'd feel awful and sick if I knew
• 54:49
  Speaker 4: something so intimate about her family, whom I love. So
• 54:52
  Speaker 4: I asked, can you just show me statement or a
• 54:54
  Speaker 4: statement or something a pdf zoomed in so I won't
• 54:57
  Speaker 4: see the numbers, but your name's together. I don't know,
• 55:01
  Speaker 4: but something like help me out out here? Yeah, help
• 55:04
  Speaker 4: me out dude. I'd whip out my phone so fast
• 55:07
  Speaker 4: to show my wife there's absolutely nothing to worry about
• 55:09
  Speaker 4: her hide well. She left for work after putting up
• 55:12
  Speaker 4: a very big fight. I sat confused as to why
• 55:14
  Speaker 4: she is acting so defensive. Okay, right, she wants to
• 55:17
  Speaker 4: protect her mom's info, but I'm not asking for it.
• 55:21
  Speaker 4: I'm asking for proof in which she had trusted, she
• 55:24
  Speaker 4: had me trust for years. I'm having a weak moment
• 55:26
  Speaker 4: and want you to prove to me that I'm.
• 55:29
  Speaker 2: Being an idiot.
• 55:30
  Speaker 4: The only thing she says is quote, you have to
• 55:32
  Speaker 4: trust me. You just have to trust me. But like
• 55:35
  Speaker 4: I want to, But how your acting is giving me
• 55:39
  Speaker 4: more anxiety At this point, it's tense. Her mom called
• 55:42
  Speaker 4: me then her mom came over unexpectedly. I had to
• 55:45
  Speaker 4: inform her there's absolutely no way I want to know
• 55:49
  Speaker 4: the numbers, just proof that she is saying what she
• 55:52
  Speaker 4: has been saying is correct. It ended with her mom
• 55:54
  Speaker 4: giving me the advice of don't overthink it. Fast forward,
• 55:58
  Speaker 4: my wife comes home. It's very ten vent. I ask
• 56:00
  Speaker 4: her again and she's just yelling to drop it. We're
• 56:03
  Speaker 4: both yelling. It's ugly.
• 56:05
  Speaker 2: I hate this.
• 56:06
  Speaker 4: We go to bed, mad, wake up, fight some more.
• 56:09
  Speaker 4: She says fine, that she'll look at the statement, but
• 56:13
  Speaker 4: then says she needs to go to another room, won't
• 56:16
  Speaker 4: let me see her getting to the statement, et cetera.
• 56:19
  Speaker 4: Acting very odd, like she's hiding something. She ends up
• 56:22
  Speaker 4: finding something. Takes a screenshot of a zoomed in part
• 56:25
  Speaker 4: of the photo that says mother's name is an authorized
• 56:28
  Speaker 4: user on the account that that's the only evidence I get.
• 56:32
  Speaker 4: I feel like I deserve the respect that I showed her,
• 56:34
  Speaker 4: but I'm not even asking for all of that. I
• 56:37
  Speaker 4: showed her everything. She knows everything about me and I
• 56:41
  Speaker 4: know most but nothing about her finances. I want to say,
• 56:45
  Speaker 4: I know I escalated the issue. I'm not proud of
• 56:48
  Speaker 4: how I handled myself. I know there's work for me
• 56:50
  Speaker 4: to be done in therapy, and I can't wait to start.
• 56:53
  Speaker 4: I'm still spiraling. I still don't have proof of anything.
• 56:57
  Speaker 4: She is stating that this is taking too much energy
• 56:59
  Speaker 4: from me, her that she's too tired to give more
• 57:02
  Speaker 4: to me when her cup is empty. We have two kids,
• 57:04
  Speaker 4: work opposite schedules, and have only a few hours together
• 57:07
  Speaker 4: a week, if not a month. We have practically no
• 57:10
  Speaker 4: time together just for us. We're both exhausted, and she's
• 57:13
  Speaker 4: threatening to leave because I can't trust her and she
• 57:17
  Speaker 4: can't give me the reassurance I need. Am I asking
• 57:20
  Speaker 4: for too much? I know nothing about my wife's account
• 57:23
  Speaker 4: other than that they have money tied together. Am I
• 57:27
  Speaker 4: going crazy? Or is this fair to know? As her
• 57:30
  Speaker 4: life partner that has exposed everything of mine the father
• 57:33
  Speaker 4: of her children. As we're gearing up to move, I
• 57:36
  Speaker 4: feel like I've stumbled onto something she is willing to
• 57:38
  Speaker 4: end our relationship over. I would absolutely do anything to
• 57:41
  Speaker 4: not let anything come between us, to vanquish and the
• 57:45
  Speaker 4: trust issues she might have, Yet she won't do the
• 57:49
  Speaker 4: same for me in return. Help me understand this? Can
• 57:52
  Speaker 4: you right size it? Thank you so much from a spiraling,
• 57:56
  Speaker 4: scared idiot.
• 57:57
  Speaker 2: This is there's a lot of layers.
• 58:00
  Speaker 3: I went back and forth fee a lot of different
• 58:02
  Speaker 3: thoughts on this one.
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: First is the the feeling of being vulnerable but it
• 58:06
  Speaker 1: not being reciprocated. It's like early on in relationship, when
• 58:10
  Speaker 1: you like you've kind of committed to somebody, You're like, Okay,
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: we're gonna try to see this, you know, through, and
• 58:16
  Speaker 1: then you share like how many people you've slept with,
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: and you asked that person like, I'm gonna keep that private,
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: like we.
• 58:22
  Speaker 2: What you.
• 58:28
  Speaker 3: Let me see your accounts?
• 58:29
  Speaker 5: No, I'm not going to show you my accounts. That's
• 58:31
  Speaker 5: a that's a that's a move. I mean, so I
• 58:34
  Speaker 5: guess from that sense, I.
• 58:35
  Speaker 2: Would love that move already.
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: Well, I think it makes a difference to like who
• 58:40
  Speaker 1: asked for that information. If the writer volunteered and said, hey,
• 58:43
  Speaker 1: here's my finances just so you know, this is how
• 58:46
  Speaker 1: we're at, uh, and she just didn't feel the same. Fine,
• 58:51
  Speaker 1: I don't love it right. It doesn't feel right. But
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: it's especially worse when it's one person. If one person
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: asks let me see yours and then.
• 58:59
  Speaker 2: I'm and it seems like there was at least a discussion.
• 59:02
  Speaker 4: But but I the assumption that I made from the
• 59:04
  Speaker 4: from the email is there was at least a discussion like, hey,
• 59:07
  Speaker 4: let's break out the finances and and share them and
• 59:11
  Speaker 4: start intertwining our lives a little bit more.
• 59:13
  Speaker 2: And it seems like the writer did that and then
• 59:16
  Speaker 2: the partner.
• 59:19
  Speaker 5: Not exactly backed out, but kind of maybe it felt
• 59:22
  Speaker 5: like they kind of backed out a little bit. Yeah,
• 59:24
  Speaker 5: And it didn't like my mind didn't immediately go to
• 59:28
  Speaker 5: like where the writers there's like, oh, is this a
• 59:30
  Speaker 5: shared account with her?
• 59:31
  Speaker 2: Ax?
• 59:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, because that would my mind would never go there
• 59:35
  Speaker 1: because like.
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: Why would they do their life? So maybe there was
• 59:39
  Speaker 2: a concern there before or something.
• 59:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but no, my mind went to like.
• 59:43
  Speaker 2: She's rich, got how much money is in there? Yeah?
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: Also patreon dot com slash there Yeah yeah yeah take
• 59:51
  Speaker 1: her side that if that increases, the week can be bought.
• 59:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah oh yeah yeah, much less than what you think. Yeah,
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: as it turns out.
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: I mean, you get join for a dollar. We're pretty
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 2: excited about.
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 5: But I will say, this problem goes away if you
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 5: empty that account into our Patreon, right, that's it. This
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 5: problem goes away immediately.
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: Hod Therapy Saving Marriages.
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 5: Other problems that may develop, but this particular problem goes away.
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 4: So my first read on this, just like you were
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 4: just saying, Nick, I was thinking, Oh, I'll bet you wife,
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 4: and then you know, we know that wife was married
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 4: once before, has a history, and maybe has experienced like
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 4: a sense of vulnerability. I've had a lot of women
• 1:00:34
  Speaker 4: over the years talk about like they're afraid to trust
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 4: the man in their life with finances because they've been
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 4: left high and dry at some point, and so like
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 4: having joint finances with your mother instead and like that's
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 4: a shared account and we have a business or whatever.
• 1:00:49
  Speaker 4: I've seen men and women actually do that exact move
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 4: where they're sharing finances with mom because Mom will never
• 1:00:55
  Speaker 4: betray them, and like that protects them. So like if
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 4: you divorce me, all the money's moms, you know, like
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 4: you can't steal my bank account that was never mine,
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 4: take my name off and I don't own that money
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 4: that was always mom's money and you can't steal from her.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 4: And so like I've seen people do this as like
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 4: divorce defense, and it's shitty because like if you're if
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 4: you're the scared idiot in this scenario, sorry that you
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 4: picked that name, buddy, I get it where you're like,
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 4: oh okay, yeah, yeah, Like I don't deserve to be
• 1:01:22
  Speaker 4: treated like this. You're preemptively defending your money from me.
• 1:01:25
  Speaker 4: You're keeping it all secret. Maybe you're rich or maybe
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 4: it's modest, but like you don't want me to see
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 4: it because you don't want me to ever have the
• 1:01:31
  Speaker 4: chance to go after it if we ever divorced, or
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 4: we weren't common lawed. And like, that's not fair because
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 4: that defensive posture assumes the worst in me, and I
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 4: can appreciate that the writer's scared about.
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 2: It doesn't feel good.
• 1:01:43
  Speaker 5: Yeah, if you're if you're the partner, If you if
• 1:01:47
  Speaker 5: you are committed to that partner and it doesn't feel
• 1:01:51
  Speaker 5: like they are as committed back to you, that's not
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 5: going to be a good feeling.
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 4: But this is where I'm trying to talk writer down
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 4: a little bit, because one positive potential reframe that we
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 4: could do here is that it's not a question of
• 1:02:02
  Speaker 4: whether I love you as your wife. It's not a
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 4: question of whether I'm committed to you as your wife,
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 4: or that this is real or genuine. It's a question
• 1:02:09
  Speaker 4: of I've been burned in the past, and I need
• 1:02:12
  Speaker 4: to protect my finances so that I am always safe,
• 1:02:15
  Speaker 4: But this sounds to me.
• 1:02:16
  Speaker 3: So more emotional than finances.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 5: Is this going to be able to go away for
• 1:02:21
  Speaker 5: the writer without getting this information now at this.
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 3: Point, so that I kind of had to go back
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 3: and look at it again because it started off saying
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 3: this was years ago, and then here we are fast
• 1:02:31
  Speaker 3: forwarding again. So it sounds like they pushed the feelings
• 1:02:34
  Speaker 3: aside maybe for some years, three years.
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 2: And that's what the writer said.
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's like if they pushed it aside, it's
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 3: coming back up. Did they really or I don't know.
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 3: It wasn't resolved, I guess. So this white Lotus stuff brought.
• 1:02:49
  Speaker 3: It brought feelings of insecurity, like cheating, ideas like kind
• 1:02:53
  Speaker 3: of those more extreme things Jim was talking about where
• 1:02:56
  Speaker 3: oh do or maybe Nick was like do they have
• 1:02:59
  Speaker 3: an account with the X whatever.
• 1:03:01
  Speaker 4: I'm just glad it's these feelings that White Lotus brought
• 1:03:03
  Speaker 4: up in you writer, he and not the have sex
• 1:03:05
  Speaker 4: with your siblings feelings.
• 1:03:08
  Speaker 2: It could have been a whole different set of feelings.
• 1:03:09
  Speaker 2: That's the next letter though. Oh yeah, sorry, I'm just
• 1:03:12
  Speaker 2: depen on it.
• 1:03:13
  Speaker 3: It love Whit Lotus Yeah, so I think that the
• 1:03:20
  Speaker 3: the thoughts, I don't know. It's kind of interesting because
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 3: the thoughts around insecurity, around cheating or what is getting
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 3: brought up, and it's like she's hiding something. I didn't
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 3: think about this un till y'all mentioned it. That it
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 3: probably is like a large amount of money or something
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 3: she's maybe it's family money, maybe it's whatever that she
• 1:03:38
  Speaker 3: doesn't want to be open and vulnerable about. She's willing
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 3: to split over it. That's like, I mean, yeah, it's
• 1:03:44
  Speaker 3: probably a large amount.
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 2: And there's a cultural component because right visit her home country. Yeah,
• 1:03:50
  Speaker 2: move to her, and you know, we have no idea
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 2: what that is.
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 4: But like I have seen some cultures where this is
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 4: very essential to who they are as people that we like,
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 4: I've seen people that come from India that or seeks
• 1:04:04
  Speaker 4: and that religion who will say, like, look, we own
• 1:04:07
  Speaker 4: businesses as a family. We structure it so that it's
• 1:04:10
  Speaker 4: always family money. And like we are extremely firewall defensive
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 4: about this, and you're like, what the fuck, why don't
• 1:04:16
  Speaker 4: you love me? And it's like I do love you,
• 1:04:18
  Speaker 4: but what you're asking is for me to fundamentally betray
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 4: an agreement with my family that I've always had and
• 1:04:24
  Speaker 4: always will have, and that you're surprised that you just
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 4: touch this electric wire that is so powerful. But like
• 1:04:31
  Speaker 4: to my people where we come from and how I
• 1:04:33
  Speaker 4: was raised, you don't fuck with this. Yeah, you can't
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 4: touch this. I'm sorry. Like this is family wealth and
• 1:04:38
  Speaker 4: this will always be family wealth, and if you join it,
• 1:04:40
  Speaker 4: you have access to it.
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 3: But that's it, right, or a kid will, but you won't.
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 3: I'm I wonder. Okay, there's two things. One, it sounds
• 1:04:48
  Speaker 3: like y'all are fighting and turning to like a defensive point.
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 3: I think really sticking with the emotional aspect, like this
• 1:04:56
  Speaker 3: is how it is affecting me emotionally. I want to
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 3: remind you I have this history and maybe even I
• 1:05:03
  Speaker 3: know she hasn't encourage vulnerability because you're feeling kind of
• 1:05:06
  Speaker 3: like taken advantage of here, but trying your best to
• 1:05:10
  Speaker 3: be as vulnerable as you can with your own feelings.
• 1:05:13
  Speaker 3: You know this is I have been cheated on the past.
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 3: My mind's going to some crazy places like I don't
• 1:05:18
  Speaker 3: think that's true, but it's I need to know more
• 1:05:21
  Speaker 3: or what's going on.
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 2: I need you to help me out here.
• 1:05:24
  Speaker 3: Yes, and maybe even bringing up you mentioned like wife,
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 3: but then also common law marriage, so it makes me
• 1:05:30
  Speaker 3: think you may not.
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 2: Be like legally the implication sounds like we're not legally.
• 1:05:35
  Speaker 3: There, which I still think you get in our time.
• 1:05:38
  Speaker 2: Why not?
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 3: But if that's something that would maybe be helpful, like
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 3: looking into a prenup or let her know that you're
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 3: open to those things, because I am a big supporter
• 1:05:48
  Speaker 3: of especially if one person has a lot of wealth
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 3: or family wealth. Prenups are not saying I don't trust
• 1:05:54
  Speaker 3: you or I think we're going to get a divorce.
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 3: I want to normalize prenups for a minute. Yes, can
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 3: we do that? To do it, I feel like there's
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 3: so both.
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 2: My kids to get prenups and I'm trying to normalize
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 2: it now.
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 1:06:05
  Speaker 4: I want them to mentally know, like this is not
• 1:06:07
  Speaker 4: a weird thing to ask for. It's not a ding
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 4: on the marriage doesn't mean you don't love this person.
• 1:06:11
  Speaker 5: I just signed one last week, smart, Well you do that.
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:06:17
  Speaker 4: Every time he gets a gambling when like, oh shit,
• 1:06:20
  Speaker 4: I just want a grand Hey baby, I'm.
• 1:06:22
  Speaker 2: Just gonna send you a PDF and I got a
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 2: free coffee.
• 1:06:27
  Speaker 1: They spends a fortune on attorney fees, it cheap, but
• 1:06:32
  Speaker 1: it'll pay off.
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 3: Better Defensive, Yes, I think prenups should be a little
• 1:06:38
  Speaker 3: more normalized and you can even put stipulations and they're like, okay,
• 1:06:42
  Speaker 3: we make it ten fifteen years, then yeah, we're all
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 3: blended or whatever, like you don't have to say you
• 1:06:46
  Speaker 3: never get any of my wealth, you spent eighty years
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 3: with me and you're fucked or something like. It's not
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 3: like that.
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 2: So I think it's nice. I mean the prenup idea.
• 1:06:54
  Speaker 2: The thing that I like.
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 1: About it, or the approach that I would have towards it,
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 1: would be that the this isn't anything about the relationship.
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 1: We're not making a statement about the relationship. What we're
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 1: saying is is that if for any reason we were
• 1:07:07
  Speaker 1: to split, it's going to be emotionally painful for one
• 1:07:11
  Speaker 1: or both of us. Yes, And the last thing that
• 1:07:13
  Speaker 1: we want to have to deal with at that time
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 1: is how everything gets Oh my god.
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 3: You will spend years and all those lawyer fews at Jacob's.
• 1:07:19
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and so let's just where why I don't have
• 1:07:22
  Speaker 4: money for my kids right.
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 3: Well? And I think lawyers bring out all those accounts
• 1:07:28
  Speaker 3: and she like it or not. I think that's a
• 1:07:30
  Speaker 3: whole different thing. Like, hey, look, I'm trying to get
• 1:07:33
  Speaker 3: us on the same page. Let's let's bring someone else
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 3: into it that can make it.
• 1:07:37
  Speaker 2: Or or a couple's therapists. I think that there's room
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 2: for that too.
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I think the other thing here too, with
• 1:07:42
  Speaker 1: this from the writer's perspective, like kind of what you
• 1:07:45
  Speaker 1: were talking about Whitney, where he was like, I understand
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 1: that these are my anxieties, and my anxieties could easily
• 1:07:52
  Speaker 1: be settled by just this one simple request. But now
• 1:07:57
  Speaker 1: that this thing that I thought was so simple is
• 1:08:00
  Speaker 1: being pushed back on now that just like my anxiety
• 1:08:04
  Speaker 1: was for the roof, yeah, we're just yeah exactly.
• 1:08:07
  Speaker 5: When asking like so, I don't know if this is
• 1:08:09
  Speaker 5: something that the writer can move on from at this point.
• 1:08:12
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah, And I think here's the thing is, like
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: you have to understand that what the writer identifies as
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 1: a simple request, right, may not be as simple as
• 1:08:22
  Speaker 1: the writer thinks it is right.
• 1:08:24
  Speaker 2: In the same sense.
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Like you know, if if I'd been cheated on
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 1: in the past, if I said to my wife and
• 1:08:31
  Speaker 1: said hey, or my girlfriend or your fiance or whatever,
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 1: said hey, I just need to all of them, I
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: just need to look at your phone. From my perspective,
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, that's a simple request.
• 1:08:43
  Speaker 2: It's simple. It's really easy. When they say no and you're.
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 5: Like, but that's not a simple, easy request for a
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 5: lot of people.
• 1:08:51
  Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean that something's wrong. It doesn't mean
• 1:08:53
  Speaker 1: they're doing anything wrong. It just means that, like, well, no,
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 1: that's a boundary.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 3: I just watched an SNL skit the other day. It
• 1:09:00
  Speaker 3: was these couple or like these friends group out of
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 3: dinner and they're like, oh, let's look at her Instagram
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 3: history or the for you page because you know page
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 3: on distagmings. That's like, boy, you've been looking at the
• 1:09:12
  Speaker 3: three guys at the tables. No, no, just baking. Look
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 3: at these puppy dogs, but cheers. One guy throws it
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 3: in the soup. I think I left mine in the car.
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 3: The best part is like, what if it's like naked girls,
• 1:09:27
  Speaker 3: we don't care. It ends up being like this older woman.
• 1:09:31
  Speaker 3: It's Maya Rudolph, like this older woman. It's like just
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 3: this weird kink thing. I don't even know. It's so
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 3: fucking funny because it's not weird.
• 1:09:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, why are you.
• 1:09:43
  Speaker 3: It was awesome. I was like, this is legit, Like
• 1:09:46
  Speaker 3: men are not trying to hide naked, women are like,
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 3: you know, dirty thing. It's just like this weird little
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 3: thing to like, Oh, she validates me, she encourages me,
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 3: Like no, yes, pretty much. It was so because it's
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 3: not you think.
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 4: But it's like there's a lot of shame about it
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 4: for the writer too. One thing I want to shine
• 1:10:05
  Speaker 4: a light on is the very the writer is really
• 1:10:09
  Speaker 4: going through hell right now, and I really want to
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 4: shine a light on that that lived experience of living
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 4: with really tremendous anxiety in this very provoking experience. And
• 1:10:17
  Speaker 4: I have identified in the show lots of times that
• 1:10:19
  Speaker 4: I have gad and I've been in these kinds of situations.
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 4: At least I can relate to the feeling where I
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 4: think it's a very difficult game of chicken where you
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 4: are the person who has anxiety, so you are so
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 4: disadvantaged in negotiating with other parties, and sometimes it's really
• 1:10:41
  Speaker 4: hard to assert yourself in a situation where you need
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 4: to be firm and you need to have a boundary.
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 4: And I'm not wrong, but like the other person pushes
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 4: back and it's an I feel like disadvantaged because my
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 4: anxiety is going to kick up. They don't have that
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 4: mental disability, so they are just like they can be
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 4: reckless and be like nope, and I'll fucking divorce you.
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 4: And they know that I'll back down first because I'm
• 1:11:04
  Speaker 4: the scaredy cat, right And so then I'm spiraling. Oh no,
• 1:11:07
  Speaker 4: am I causing the end of my family?
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 2: Am I?
• 1:11:08
  Speaker 4: This guy just said, Oh, that's gonna leave me. She's
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 4: gonna go back to her home country. She's gonna take
• 1:11:12
  Speaker 4: my kids away from me. What's gonna happen?
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 1: Oh?
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 3: No?
• 1:11:14
  Speaker 2: Did I cause all this pain when I didn't need to?
• 1:11:16
  Speaker 4: Am I overreacting? And like, but then again, is she
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 4: cheating on me? And I'm being a chump and like
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 4: she's she's doing this whole shady outfit thing and like
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 4: she's keeping all this money from me or acting really
• 1:11:24
  Speaker 4: weird and like I'm not standing up for myself and
• 1:11:27
  Speaker 4: I'm just gonna end up having all this resentment and
• 1:11:29
  Speaker 4: regret like I do from the last time this happened
• 1:11:32
  Speaker 4: three years ago, because this was not resolved and if
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 4: I just pull the covers back over my head, as
• 1:11:37
  Speaker 4: the mother in law is saying I should and just
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 4: forget about it and let it go. I feel in
• 1:11:42
  Speaker 4: some ways that I am being exploited because I'm the
• 1:11:45
  Speaker 4: guy with the anxiety disorder, and it's easy to get
• 1:11:48
  Speaker 4: me to do that, because for me to stand up
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 4: for myself and to channel any of the emotions I'm
• 1:11:53
  Speaker 4: feeling is inherently causing me to suffer the entire fucking time.
• 1:11:58
  Speaker 4: So I would love to stop this. I but loves
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 4: to pull the wool back over my own eyes. But
• 1:12:02
  Speaker 4: then I feel like I'm hurting myself if I do that,
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 4: and I'm giving into my mental illness.
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 1: But I think that even just what you what you
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 1: just said, I think was a little telling because there
• 1:12:13
  Speaker 1: was a there was a judgment in there, or a
• 1:12:16
  Speaker 1: a belief system in there that maybe isn't completely supported
• 1:12:22
  Speaker 1: by evidence, right, which is just this idea that if
• 1:12:28
  Speaker 1: I don't give in, or if I if I give
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 1: in to this, then I'm being walked over.
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, well, or what else could that be?
• 1:12:37
  Speaker 1: Right? That doesn't necessarily that that is, that's a belief,
• 1:12:41
  Speaker 1: but that's not reality. That's a narrative. So so I
• 1:12:45
  Speaker 1: mean it could also be that, like because I'm looking
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 1: at this, and I'm kind of thinking if I was
• 1:12:49
  Speaker 1: in this situation and it was causing me a lot
• 1:12:51
  Speaker 1: of anxiety, what I would try to do is I
• 1:12:53
  Speaker 1: would really ask myself some questions like.
• 1:12:56
  Speaker 2: Okay, do I love this person? Right? Do I truly
• 1:12:59
  Speaker 2: trust person?
• 1:13:01
  Speaker 1: And if so, what are all of the things that
• 1:13:04
  Speaker 1: are going right in this relationship? What are all the
• 1:13:07
  Speaker 1: things in what ways do we show that we trust
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 1: each other?
• 1:13:10
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 1: And maybe if it's just this one thing about finances,
• 1:13:14
  Speaker 1: and the story makes sense that this is like mars on.
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 3: Board, that is a little bit of a blague to me,
• 1:13:20
  Speaker 3: Like mom is saying, hey, this is an account, it's
• 1:13:23
  Speaker 3: not with her, like right, So.
• 1:13:25
  Speaker 1: If yeah, Mom's not going to cover up a cheating relationship, hopefully,
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 1: I know. I mean so, like, there's a lot of
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 1: things that tell me that, yeah, this sounds like this
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 1: is probably just a legit financial thing that's going on,
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: and so maybe I need to focus on all of
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 1: the other positive things in this relationship and realize that, yeah,
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 1: this is probably maybe I can I can kind of
• 1:13:47
  Speaker 1: learn to lot.
• 1:13:48
  Speaker 4: Well, you bring up a good point that and this
• 1:13:50
  Speaker 4: is where I think the writer is saying, Guys, my
• 1:13:52
  Speaker 4: anxiety makes it. My vision is so blurry. I can't
• 1:13:55
  Speaker 4: know what's right and wrong, and I'm the one who's
• 1:13:58
  Speaker 4: chickening out here. But at the same time, I did
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 4: that three years ago and I regret this, and like
• 1:14:02
  Speaker 4: common wisdom tells me something is going on. There is
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 4: a blinking light on this dashboard. If if you line
• 1:14:07
  Speaker 4: up ten people and tell them my story, almost to
• 1:14:10
  Speaker 4: a person, they're all gonna raise their eyebrows a little
• 1:14:12
  Speaker 4: bit and go, this is odd. And I get why, Like,
• 1:14:15
  Speaker 4: as somebody who lives with anxiety, just sometimes you can
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 4: feel like disadvantaged in your in a lot of relationships,
• 1:14:23
  Speaker 4: not just romantic ones, but like in business relationships. Yeah,
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 4: in friendships, you can feel disadvantaged that you're not allowed
• 1:14:29
  Speaker 4: to assert yourself because you'll always lose in a game
• 1:14:32
  Speaker 4: of chicken. Like I've had fights with friends in the
• 1:14:35
  Speaker 4: past where like we never fight, right, I don't like conflict,
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 4: And then but like they were acting out incorrectly and
• 1:14:41
  Speaker 4: I needed to assert myself and be like, hey, this
• 1:14:43
  Speaker 4: is this is not okay, this doesn't work for me.
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 4: But instead of being rational or friendly toward me, they
• 1:14:48
  Speaker 4: escalated it and like immediately pulled out the nuclear bomb
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 4: options of like then we'll never fucking talk again, and
• 1:14:53
  Speaker 4: then I chicken out and I'm like, no want that,
• 1:14:54
  Speaker 4: never mind, you can just keep treating.
• 1:14:55
  Speaker 2: Me like shit.
• 1:14:56
  Speaker 4: And it's like, I just feel for the writer in
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 4: that situation, because I feel like we you have that diagnosis,
• 1:15:01
  Speaker 4: like you just feel disadvantaged a lot, and then it
• 1:15:04
  Speaker 4: just feels like, so, I guess I'm just gonna give
• 1:15:05
  Speaker 4: in again. I guess that's always the answer, isn't it
• 1:15:08
  Speaker 4: is that because of my anxiety, I'm always wrong. How
• 1:15:11
  Speaker 4: what percentage of the time I being gas lit?
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 2: You know?
• 1:15:13
  Speaker 4: And like, fuck, I never get to get to the
• 1:15:15
  Speaker 4: bottom of this because I'm always the one who's gonna
• 1:15:17
  Speaker 4: veer off the road first and take.
• 1:15:18
  Speaker 2: The l Yeah.
• 1:15:19
  Speaker 1: I validate what you say. However, I'm gonna push back
• 1:15:22
  Speaker 1: on one more thing, fuck you, which is that?
• 1:15:25
  Speaker 2: And you're gonna take it?
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you're gonna give in or else you were not
• 1:15:29
  Speaker 3: friends anymore? And the podcast that's a good idea.
• 1:15:32
  Speaker 2: I don't want any trouble.
• 1:15:33
  Speaker 1: I think the challenge becomes when you label it as
• 1:15:37
  Speaker 1: chickening out. Yeah, right, because then that's very telling of
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 1: what you like, how you feel about it, But you
• 1:15:44
  Speaker 1: have to be able to identify the difference. And this
• 1:15:46
  Speaker 1: is where it becomes complicated, the difference between chickening out
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 1: an acceptance.
• 1:15:52
  Speaker 2: Okay, right, because.
• 1:15:54
  Speaker 1: You can the writer, you know, if the writer decides,
• 1:15:58
  Speaker 1: you know, follows my advice, my advice only if.
• 1:16:02
  Speaker 2: The writer is smart and follows Nick's advice.
• 1:16:04
  Speaker 1: Yes, if the writer does what I had suggested, which
• 1:16:08
  Speaker 1: is just okay. Asking those difficult questions, do I love
• 1:16:11
  Speaker 1: this person? Do I trust this person? In what ways?
• 1:16:13
  Speaker 1: Do a does our relationship demonstrate and prove that there's
• 1:16:16
  Speaker 1: trust and really focusing on that, is that chickening out?
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 1: I don't think so. I think that is reframing it
• 1:16:26
  Speaker 1: and looking at it from a different perspective. Now, for
• 1:16:29
  Speaker 1: someone with anxiety disorder and you feel like you've had
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 1: a history of chickening out, then that may feel like
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 1: chickening out. And I think that's the difficult part. Is
• 1:16:39
  Speaker 1: I agree with you, I don't think. I don't think
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 1: you should be held hostage in situations like that, But
• 1:16:45
  Speaker 1: it does become difficult to distinguish between those two.
• 1:16:49
  Speaker 4: Yeah, it's but that's I think it's just such a
• 1:16:53
  Speaker 4: tricky situation because like this is where I agree with
• 1:16:55
  Speaker 4: the idea of a third party, right, like a lawyer.
• 1:16:57
  Speaker 4: Lawyers are way expensive at a therapist, right this work,
• 1:17:00
  Speaker 4: couples therapist can come and go, let's talk through the
• 1:17:02
  Speaker 4: feelings that are going with this. And it also gives
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 4: the spouse a chance to sort of in a de
• 1:17:07
  Speaker 4: escalated way, calmly explain some of the blind spots. I
• 1:17:11
  Speaker 4: know what I am doing to you is abnormal. I
• 1:17:14
  Speaker 4: realize it is not common.
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 3: Instead of fighting with him, just saying, hey, I get
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 3: I'm doing like right, kind of a fucked up thing here, Like.
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 4: A validation is important here, And maybe the couple's counselor
• 1:17:24
  Speaker 4: can also say, can you tell me more about your
• 1:17:27
  Speaker 4: family history? Can you tell me more about your financial history?
• 1:17:30
  Speaker 4: Have you been wounded financially in the past, you have
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 4: financial trauma? Why are you keeping the secret? I mean
• 1:17:36
  Speaker 4: I have a situation a story from many, many many
• 1:17:39
  Speaker 4: years ago where there was a couple in a very
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 4: similar situation where one member of the couple was not
• 1:17:44
  Speaker 4: revealing finances and it was driving the other member crazy
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 4: and they were heading toward marriage and they were like,
• 1:17:51
  Speaker 4: I need to know what's going on?
• 1:17:53
  Speaker 3: What am I getting into? Yeah?
• 1:17:54
  Speaker 4: And they were not being forthcoming about this and very
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 4: much just having a drop it mentality, and it was
• 1:18:00
  Speaker 4: driving them crazy. They were having this issue among many
• 1:18:02
  Speaker 4: many others and in couples therapy as we worked through it.
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 4: It took us a while, but it finally got to
• 1:18:08
  Speaker 4: a place where the withholder basically said, I am involved
• 1:18:13
  Speaker 4: in very dangerous things that are If I tell you
• 1:18:18
  Speaker 4: anything about it, I am putting you at risk. And
• 1:18:22
  Speaker 4: I love you and that's why I am like force
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 4: fielding this information. I don't want you to know about
• 1:18:28
  Speaker 4: it because it would it's something that if you knew
• 1:18:31
  Speaker 4: about it to be problematic in your life. I'm you know,
• 1:18:34
  Speaker 4: I have my own misgivings about this would kill you.
• 1:18:37
  Speaker 4: I want to protect myself.
• 1:18:38
  Speaker 2: I will, but I will murder you. Yeah, you don't know.
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 4: I am the dangerous I'm the one who knocks anyway,
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 4: is dealing meth.
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 2: I think that's the so, but I get this problem.
• 1:18:58
  Speaker 4: I would really strongly courage family counseling, couples counseling, especially
• 1:19:03
  Speaker 4: if you're starting to threaten divorce. If they're starting to
• 1:19:05
  Speaker 4: threaten divorce, you're talking about moving. Okay, yep, you've hit
• 1:19:07
  Speaker 4: the zone where the next call you make is to
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 4: a couple's counselor zone where there is you at a minimum,
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 4: couples counselor, we need to be de escalated and sort
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 4: through this.
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 5: What you want to do right now is slow all
• 1:19:19
  Speaker 5: of this down right and start figuring out like actual
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 5: answers that matter.
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 1:19:25
  Speaker 5: And when I say that is like you got to
• 1:19:28
  Speaker 5: figure out with yourself and you know, talking with your
• 1:19:31
  Speaker 5: talking with your your spouse, and talking with the couples
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 5: counselor might help you figure this out. Like what the
• 1:19:36
  Speaker 5: actual answers are you need here? You you need some assurance.
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 5: That's that's very clear. Is the assurance that you need
• 1:19:44
  Speaker 5: all the details from this account? Or is it just
• 1:19:47
  Speaker 5: the assurance of like, no, no, no, this is all fine,
• 1:19:51
  Speaker 5: this is square, this is what you're being told. There's
• 1:19:54
  Speaker 5: not a huge mountain of money here. Also, there's not
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 5: a huge mountain of debt here. You know, this is
• 1:19:59
  Speaker 5: a this is a normal bank account.
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 5: And your spouse is just telling you the truth about it,
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 5: and it's private for the reasons they're telling you it's private.
• 1:20:08
  Speaker 5: But I mean, you still want some kind of assurance
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 5: and that's and that's also reasonable.
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 2: I think the move here is the plan of heist.
• 1:20:14
  Speaker 2: I think that's what you do.
• 1:20:15
  Speaker 3: Okay, they won't show you get ten of your.
• 1:20:17
  Speaker 2: Friends and you just you figure out her maiden name, okay,
• 1:20:20
  Speaker 2: and you just you hack into this first. That's what's up.
• 1:20:23
  Speaker 2: You get that phone, you get the fingerprint scan, the
• 1:20:26
  Speaker 2: retinal scan.
• 1:20:27
  Speaker 4: Yep, definitely, there's there's ways to do this guy, you know.
• 1:20:30
  Speaker 4: And then what's she going to do about it? You
• 1:20:32
  Speaker 4: know nothing she got.
• 1:20:34
  Speaker 2: Eleven taught us anything, that's right, So you need to
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 2: get most of my life. You need a circus performer
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 2: that's really small. Yeah, a little Chinese.
• 1:20:42
  Speaker 3: Reason every attle Chinese.
• 1:20:45
  Speaker 2: Absolutely, I know a little Chinese yeh yeah.
• 1:20:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah, we'll hook you up with that little Chinese guy
• 1:20:49
  Speaker 4: for a fee.
• 1:20:52
  Speaker 2: What I'm thinking of, it's just a little he's a
• 1:20:55
  Speaker 2: small Chinese man. Yeah. You also know little Ukrainian guys.
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 2: There's a bunch of it.
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 4: We're on discriminatory on pot therapy. We will sell any
• 1:21:02
  Speaker 4: of these people to you for it, but we got
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 4: to get.
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 2: Our beak wet. I mean there's services.
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 4: Yeah, services, it's not our business what you do. You're
• 1:21:12
  Speaker 4: just two consenting adults. After that we just broke it.
• 1:21:15
  Speaker 4: It's service track trafficking, that is what it's.
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 2: It's not human trafficking.
• 1:21:20
  Speaker 4: That's silly. They just do tasks. It's a service monkey.
• 1:21:24
  Speaker 4: I don't know, writer, I it's tough.
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 2: It is a really tough one.
• 1:21:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's why when we're going through it, I was like, wow,
• 1:21:31
  Speaker 3: I kind of oscillated on this one back and forth,
• 1:21:33
  Speaker 3: and like, on one hand, I see how you could
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 3: kind of leave it alone if you trust them, but
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 3: mostly we're just not.
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 2: Leave it alone.
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 4: Yeah, if this was a second marriage for me, If
• 1:21:45
  Speaker 4: I was in a second marriage, I feel like I
• 1:21:47
  Speaker 4: would be much more cagy with finances. I feel like
• 1:21:49
  Speaker 4: if I were getting into a new serious relationship, I would.
• 1:21:52
  Speaker 2: Be like any comment, Yeah, I feel like I would.
• 1:21:54
  Speaker 4: Be more especially have kids and stuff, so I think
• 1:21:57
  Speaker 4: i'd be like, look, I have assets, I have kids
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 4: that money's for them, but like in our relationship, everything
• 1:22:04
  Speaker 4: will be shared and paid for. Here's where I'm going
• 1:22:06
  Speaker 4: to take care of bills, and that's all you kind
• 1:22:08
  Speaker 4: of need to know. And like if I have a
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 4: trust or something like yeah, like I just feel like
• 1:22:14
  Speaker 4: I don't know. I feel like i'd be cagy. I
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 4: feel like I could totally understand a spouse being like
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 4: that doesn't work for me. The concept of marriage doesn't
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 4: work that way for me, And then there'd be a
• 1:22:23
  Speaker 4: part of me it's like, this is not our first rodeo,
• 1:22:25
  Speaker 4: this is our second marriage.
• 1:22:27
  Speaker 2: I think we just need to enjoy what we have
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 2: and this is our relationship. Let's celebrate all that's good
• 1:22:31
  Speaker 2: and like it's the first marriage. Part of this time problem,
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 2: you know what you signed up for.
• 1:22:36
  Speaker 1: Part of this too, I think is like you said, cultural,
• 1:22:39
  Speaker 1: not necessarily just just from another country, but just family
• 1:22:43
  Speaker 1: of origin.
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 2: And how you handle that.
• 1:22:44
  Speaker 1: I think that's because like for me, we keep our
• 1:22:49
  Speaker 1: finances separate. We have a shared account that we spend
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 1: for you know, things that we do together or housing
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 1: expenses or stuff like that, but then we each have
• 1:22:59
  Speaker 1: our own account. Yeah, so if I want to go golfing,
• 1:23:02
  Speaker 1: it's fine. I don't have to clear that with anybody.
• 1:23:05
  Speaker 1: It's coming out of my account as long as it's
• 1:23:07
  Speaker 1: as we both feel like it's fair and it's contributing.
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 2: But there are other.
• 1:23:10
  Speaker 1: People who have talked to, who have told about this,
• 1:23:13
  Speaker 1: that were just like, no, that's weird. Now all money
• 1:23:17
  Speaker 1: goes into one account and then we discuss expenses together,
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, and like that just the idea of
• 1:23:24
  Speaker 1: not doing that just seems completely foreign.
• 1:23:26
  Speaker 4: So I don't know, I mean, I've seen that exact situation. Now,
• 1:23:31
  Speaker 4: I think we're getting into new questions the writer to ask,
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 4: but like, I've seen that exact situation where there's a
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 4: huge income gap and one partner actually is like doing
• 1:23:40
  Speaker 4: they're wealthy and the other and they're like, but let's
• 1:23:41
  Speaker 4: keep it separate. And they're like okay, and they're like,
• 1:23:43
  Speaker 4: and so each of us will just you know, enjoy
• 1:23:45
  Speaker 4: the things in life that we can afford. And it's like,
• 1:23:48
  Speaker 4: fuck you, Like you're going on like you know, these
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 4: amazing like trips to Europe with your bros.
• 1:23:53
  Speaker 2: And like, I can't afford to do that.
• 1:23:56
  Speaker 4: So like and then when we do that, it comes
• 1:23:57
  Speaker 4: out of the joint account, it's like what the fuck?
• 1:24:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah no, And I think I mean, and that's where
• 1:24:03
  Speaker 1: like you can still keep your finances separate, but be
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 1: open about financing, right, you know, like so you know,
• 1:24:08
  Speaker 1: Laura knows how much I make. I know how much
• 1:24:10
  Speaker 1: Laura makes. So it's not a secret, it's not a secret.
• 1:24:13
  Speaker 1: R And then so if if one of us is
• 1:24:15
  Speaker 1: making more than that person could contributes a larger percentage
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 1: to the house account, you know, and.
• 1:24:19
  Speaker 2: So wow, that's a very liberal tax policy that you guys.
• 1:24:22
  Speaker 4: I don't know that I agree with that, you know what,
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 4: I think that we don't need to well, but i've
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 4: I've I've created loophole progressive taxing.
• 1:24:29
  Speaker 2: Okay, I'm not that it's.
• 1:24:31
  Speaker 1: Fine though, because I I wrote in loopholes and so ye,
• 1:24:36
  Speaker 1: way less than I think thirteen month.
• 1:24:40
  Speaker 4: My favorite thing about the separate accounts thing is the
• 1:24:42
  Speaker 4: opportunity to use that for sexual favors.
• 1:24:44
  Speaker 2: I just that would instantly.
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 4: It would be the monkeys in the zoo experiment that
• 1:24:47
  Speaker 4: they did when they gave the monkeys grapes and they
• 1:24:49
  Speaker 4: immediately started using the grapes to bang the female monkeys,
• 1:24:52
  Speaker 4: just for giving them the grapes and just banging all
• 1:24:54
  Speaker 4: the monkeys.
• 1:24:55
  Speaker 2: That would immediately be the best.
• 1:24:59
  Speaker 5: I think of nothing else from this letter. We've learned
• 1:25:01
  Speaker 5: that Jim's wife withhold sex from him.
• 1:25:04
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because we have some funds. I have no mechanism of.
• 1:25:07
  Speaker 4: Action until he gets her some fucking great if she
• 1:25:10
  Speaker 4: needed to, like, you know, get a little loan.
• 1:25:11
  Speaker 2: If she was like, ah, man, I really want this thing,
• 1:25:13
  Speaker 2: I'm like, well, tough shit. You don't make enough, bitch,
• 1:25:15
  Speaker 2: but I do. I've got some money. Maybe we make
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 2: a deal.
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 4: All right, it works out for everybody. You get your grapes,
• 1:25:20
  Speaker 4: I get laid. Everybody's happy on the zoo. Anyway, writer,
• 1:25:23
  Speaker 4: the whole point is you should probably go to hell.
• 1:25:27
  Speaker 2: We're gonna take quick break and when we come back,
• 1:25:28
  Speaker 2: we're wrapping up the show. You're listening to pod Therapy.
• 1:25:31
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  Speaker 4: have any new people to add to the list this week,
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  Speaker 4: not a single person.
• 1:26:42
  Speaker 3: Well thanks, that's.
• 1:26:44
  Speaker 2: Fine, we didn't. We didn't earn it next week.
• 1:26:49
  Speaker 4: Hey, look, we want them grapes, baby, We'll do whatever
• 1:26:51
  Speaker 4: we have to do to get them grapes.
• 1:26:58
  Speaker 3: Is the internet?
• 1:27:00
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's right, that's my mama gets some grapes. Somebody
• 1:27:07
  Speaker 4: is going to send us grapes.
• 1:27:09
  Speaker 2: That's going. I think you missed her point.
• 1:27:11
  Speaker 3: What the internet uses instead of.
• 1:27:14
  Speaker 1: Grape because they can't say one word.
• 1:27:21
  Speaker 2: Oh Jesus, that got dark. Yeah, we need to stop
• 1:27:23
  Speaker 2: talking about grapes. Yeah, all right, Whitney the grapist.
• 1:27:29
  Speaker 3: There, Okay, all right, we're gonna therapists.
• 1:27:34
  Speaker 4: Can dangle things in front of me. We'd like to
• 1:27:36
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• 1:27:39
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• 1:27:41
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• 1:27:44
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• 1:27:46
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• 1:28:39
  Speaker 2: That's all the time I got for this week session.
• 1:28:40
  Speaker 4: I want to think our landlord's uh the supple nineteen
• 1:28:44
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• 1:28:46
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  Speaker 2: Remember pot Therapy is and something to keep all to yourself.
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• 1:29:12
  Speaker 1: our anonymous Google form. I'm Nick Tangimin, I'm Jim. Thanks
• 1:29:16
  Speaker 1: and we'll see you for your appointment next week.
• 1:29:18
  Speaker 2: Bouchou bounce.
• 1:29:21
  Speaker 4: Somebody get on the discord and tell Nick he's an
• 1:29:23
  Speaker 4: idiot for that nightmare for Christmas question.
• 1:29:25
  Speaker 2: I need to be vindicated by the people. Mm okay,
• 1:29:28
  Speaker 2: the masses speak. Goodbye.