Latest / Career Coaching with Fexingo: Professional Coaches, Career Counselors, and Guidance for Workers / How a Career Debt Register Can Reveal Your Hidden Obligations
Transcript
- Lucas: So you know how we talk a lot on this show about tracking your career assets—your skills, your network, your reputation. Luna: Right, the inventory approach. Lucas: I want to flip that today. I want to talk about the career liabilities you probably never think about. The obligations, the favors you owe, the professional IOUs that accumulate quietly over time. Luna: Like a career debt register. Lucas: Exactly. I first encountered the idea in a Harvard Business Review piece a few years ago—a researcher named Adam Grant had this framework where he argued we have informal 'debt accounts' with colleagues. Every time someone does you a favor, introduces you to a contact, covers for you on a project, you owe them. Luna: And most of us never actually track that debt. It's just this vague sense of obligation that can weigh on us. Lucas: Right. And if it accumulates unchecked, it can actually constrain your career decisions. You might feel like you can't leave a job because you owe too many people there. Or you might feel pressured to say yes to a project you don't want because someone called in a favor. Luna: So what does a career debt register look like in practice? Are we talking a spreadsheet? Lucas: Could be. But it's more about the mindset. You list out every professional favor you've received in the last, say, two years. Then you rate each one: how big was the favor, and how much does it still feel outstanding. Some favors are small—someone sent you a job posting. Some are huge—someone vouched for you in a job interview. Luna: And then you assign a 'balance' to each one? Lucas: Exactly. A rough estimate of how much reciprocity is still expected. And here's the thing—most people overestimate the debt. The person who did you the favor may not even remember it. But you feel it. And that feeling can limit your willingness to ask for more help, or to make bold moves. Luna: I had a friend who was a marketing manager at a mid-size tech company. She realized she had over a dozen outstanding favors—introductions, recommendations, someone covering for her during a family emergency. She felt trapped. She wanted to switch industries but felt she couldn't because she 'owed' people. Lucas: That's exactly the kind of situation where a debt register becomes liberating. She can look at each one and ask: what would it actually take to clear this? Most favors don't require a favor of equal size. A thank-you note, a public acknowledgment, a small gesture of gratitude—often that's enough. Luna: And sometimes the person doesn't even want anything. They just wanted to help. Lucas: Right. But the debt is still in your head. So the register helps you clear it systematically. You prioritize the biggest debts first—the ones that are weighing on you most. Then you make a plan to repay them over the next month or two. Luna: And that frees you up to think more clearly about your next career move. Lucas: Exactly. It's like paying off credit card debt before you take out a mortgage. You want a clean slate before you make a big decision. Luna: Interesting. So you're saying a career debt register is proactive, not just a record of guilt. Lucas: It is. And it also helps you avoid accumulating too much debt in the future. If you know you already owe a few big favors, you might be more selective about accepting new ones. You don't want to become someone who's always receiving and never giving. Luna: Because that can damage your reputation. Lucas: Absolutely. There's a concept called 'obligation overload'—when you have so many outstanding debts that people stop offering favors because they assume you're already stretched. It becomes a liability. Luna: So how do you prevent that? Is there a healthy ratio of favors given to favors received? Lucas: I've seen some coaches suggest a 3-to-1 ratio—give three favors for every one you receive. But it's not a precise science. What matters more is that you're aware of the balance and actively managing it. Luna: I like that. It's like a portfolio. You want a diversified set of obligations, not all concentrated in one person or one type of favor. Lucas: Exactly. And if you have a debt to someone who's no longer relevant to your career, you can close that account with a simple thank-you note. It doesn't have to be transactional. Luna: This is really making me think about my own network. I have a few people I've been meaning to thank for years. Lucas: Same here. And that's the thing—most of these debts are small, but they accumulate. And they can subtly influence your decisions without you realizing it. Luna: So let me ask you—if someone is in a job they hate but they feel they owe their boss because the boss hired them when no one else would, how do they handle that? Lucas: That's a classic example. First, acknowledge the debt. Then ask yourself: is the debt really that large? The boss hired you because they needed a good employee—it wasn't purely altruistic. So the debt might be smaller than you think. Second, find a way to repay it that doesn't require staying in the job. Maybe you help train your replacement, or you give extra notice, or you write a glowing recommendation for the boss later. Luna: So you can settle the debt without sacrificing your career trajectory. Lucas: Exactly. And that's the power of the register—it gives you clarity on what you actually owe, and what a fair repayment looks like. Luna: One thing that strikes me is the emotional side. Carrying debt can be stressful. It's like having unpaid bills in the back of your mind. Lucas: Totally. There's research on 'cognitive load' from uncompleted tasks. Favors you owe are a type of open loop. Psychologically, they drain energy. So clearing them isn't just polite—it's a productivity and well-being strategy. Luna: I want to try this. I'm going to start a register this week. Maybe just ten entries to start. Lucas: Good. And here's a tip: include not just favors you received, but also favors you promised. If you said 'I'll make an introduction for you' and haven't done it, that's an obligation you owe to yourself and to them. Luna: Oh, that's a great point. I definitely have a few of those. Lucas: We all do. And the register helps you close those loops. Luna: Alright, so let's say I clear my register. Then what? How do I avoid building up a new one? Lucas: You set boundaries. When someone offers a favor, you can say 'That's very generous—let me think about whether I truly need it.' Or you can ask for something smaller. You can also proactively give small favors regularly so your balance stays positive. Luna: Like a 'favor savings account'. Lucas: Exactly. You want to be a net giver, not a net taker. But you also don't want to be a martyr who gives too much and never receives. Luna: Balance. It's always about balance. Lucas: And one more thing: the register is also a tool for career decisions. If you're considering a job offer, look at your debt register. Are there obligations that would make it hard to leave? If so, factor that into your decision. Maybe you need to clear a few debts before you can move. Luna: That's a concrete way to use it. So it's not just a retrospective audit—it's forward-looking. Lucas: Exactly. It's a planning tool. And it's something you can revisit quarterly, like a financial checkup. Luna: You know, this episode made me think about something. We do these shows every day, and a lot of listeners tell us they've used our advice to make real changes. That feels like a debt we owe to them—to keep delivering value. Lucas: I feel that. And honestly, this show is only possible because of listeners who support it directly. A handful of people chip in monthly through buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo, and that's what keeps us ad-free and independent. Luna: Yeah, it's a small group, but it makes a huge difference. If you've gotten something useful from an episode, that's one way to balance the scales. Lucas: No pressure at all. Just wanted to mention it. Now, back to the debt register—I think the key takeaway is to start small. Pick three favors you owe and clear them this week. Luna: I'm going to do that. And I'll report back. Lucas: And if you want to share your own experience, we'd love to hear from you. You can find us on the Fexingo Business network. Luna: Thanks, Lucas. This was a great conversation. Lucas: Thanks, Luna. See you tomorrow.