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Why Some Narcissists Refuse To defend you · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What's going on? Beautiful folks, beautiful
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  people. Somebody told, somebody said,
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  hey Lee, go back to saying beautiful people.
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  So what's going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about why narcissists do not
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  defend you when other people are talking junk to you or talking
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  bad about you or you get in trouble at work or something
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  like that. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist, and
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  welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
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  Let's get it. Boom.
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  Welcome back, folks, welcome back.
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  Yes, just left the gym. So we got to bear with me.
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  Got to get this video recorded for y'all today.
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  But yes, this question right here actually came from one of
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  my channel members. Shout out to my channel
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  memberships. Link is in the description of
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  Air Video and podcast. I do, but yeah, yeah, so
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  seriously, this is a good question.
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  I was like, yeah, I haven't done a video like that in a while.
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  So yes. So yes, yes, yes, I might go
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  back and do some old redo old videos that my perspective has
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  changed a little bit on. So y'all might be prepared for
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  that. Hey, join the channel
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  memberships, join the my support group, send me some questions.
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  I'm I'm going to be doing them. But yeah, yeah, narcissistic
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  people, toxic ass people, like really, really what a lot of
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  times will not defend you against other people with other
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  people or hurting your feelings or talking junk to you or doing
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  something out of the ordinary. Or let's say you got into an
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  argument at work and you're telling your your partner about
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  what happened at work and they always find a way to blame you
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  or take the side of the other person.
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  That happens, you know, and that really, really does happen.
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  Now, sometimes your narcissistic partner or parent or whoever,
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  they will take your side, right? Sometimes they don't want
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  anybody else being abusive or manipulative to you other than
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  them. So some of them will absolutely
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  take your side, right? Some of them will take your side
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  and be like, oh, hell no, this mine.
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  You don't get to talk about mine like that.
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  Hell no. Nope, Nope, Nope.
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  You don't get to talk about mine like the hell no.
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  So some of them will absolutely do it like that, right?
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  But then on the other hand, on other side of things, you have a
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  lot of narcissistic people that will not defend you at all.
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  They don't give a damn about you.
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  They don't care about you. Nothing good comes of there.
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  So if somebody else is belittling, belittling you or
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  talking down to you or trying to hurt your feelings or something
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  along those lines, you might get the your narcissistic partner
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  that absolutely just does not defend you at all, that does not
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  give a damn about what you're going through.
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  That will always find a way to dog pile on you where a lot of
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  times it gets to the point where you don't even want to share
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  anything that you're going through with your partner
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  because they always find a way to blame you.
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  Now doesn't that sound familiar, right?
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  They always find a way to blame you, right?
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  Right. What does that sound familiar
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  from? It sounds just like your own
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  relationship with them, right? They can never do anything
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  wrong. They always find a way to blame
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  you. So you see how it goes, You see
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  how the stuff that goes on inside the relationship can
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  project outside the relationship as well, right?
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  So they always find a way to blame you.
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  So one of the main reasons, probably the main reason that
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  they do this, that they always find a way to blame you for the
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  stuff that's happening to you or the stuff that you're going
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  through outside the relationship.
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  It's because it just proves a point to them.
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  It helps them further validate why they can blame you for
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  certain things, why they are never at fault, right?
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  It helps them, you see what I'm saying?
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  It helps them prove the point to themselves of why they are
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  treating you a certain type of way of why they're doing this, a
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  certain type of way to you, right?
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  You see how it goes right there? This is the mentality right
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  here, y'all? It really is.
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  This is what you're going to face.
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  We are dealing with an abusive, manipulative narcissist.
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  They're going to find a way to blame you.
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  So when you have something going on, when you're arguing with
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  your brother or your sister or your mom or your dad or your
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  friend or again, somebody at work, whoever it is, somebody
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  online, somebody on social media, they're almost always
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  going to find a way to put it on to you.
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  Because later on when you're arguing with them or having a
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  disagreement with them, they can say, look, you're always wrong.
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  Remember that argument you had with so and so at work?
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  Remember that argument you had with your sister?
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  Remember that comment that that person left on social media?
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  Everybody's telling you that you're wrong.
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  It can help them further manipulate you.
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  It can help them get it can help get it into their mind of what
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  you're going through or what you're experiencing, right?
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  It can help them further just push that agenda forward.
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  It really can. It's one of the most frustrating
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  things about dealing with an abusive, manipulative
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  narcissist. It really is.
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  It's one of those things that happens to so many people, so
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  many good people as well. Y'all could be good people and
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  narcissistic people or doing this type of stuff to you right
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  there, right? It really is.
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  You can be a very good person and that narcissistic person is
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  doing this type of stuff to you to make you feel like you're a
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  bad person. And that can absolutely mess
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  with your damn head. It really, really can.
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  It it is, you know, memberships. I'm gonna start some channel
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  memberships on my other channel, y'all, I have two channels.
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  If y'all don't know, I have my other channel, Lee actions, Lee
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  dot Actions for my reaction videos and whatnot.
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  But this is where it goes, y'all.
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  This is the process that so many people are going to face that
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  you're going to have to fight through that you're going to
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  have to battle through like seriously.
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  And I know it's frustrating. I yeah, I know as a grown man,
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  as a narcissist, as a human being, that is frustrating.
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  When your partner, who you expect to be there to support
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  you, when they never support you, when they seem like they're
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  always on the side of the other person, It feels like you don't
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  have a partner. It feels like you have a in home
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  antagonist, right? You have an in home, I didn't
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  mean to laugh y'all, but you have an in home villain.
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  You don't have to. You know how, how, how Batman
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  has to go find a Joker like the Joker is Batman's villain had
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  Batman has to go find a Joker or Superman has to go find Lex, Lex
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  Luthor and whatnot. Your villain, your Joker, your
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  Lex Luthor is living in the house with you right there.
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  This this is your part, your partner or your parent or
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  whoever it is there. You don't have, you have to
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  leave the house for your, your own homemade villain because
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  they're going to be antagonistic enough to you to do this type of
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  to, to, to make you feel like you're they, they go.
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  They want to make you feel like you're the problem.
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  And yeah, so, yeah, it, like I said, it probably is going to
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  get to the point where you get frustrated enough where you no
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  longer share anything with your partner.
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  And then your partner is going to start telling you we never
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  communicate, you never talk to me.
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  They're going to start hearing things through the Grapevine
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  that you shared with other people about stuff that you're
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  going through. And then they're going to get
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  angry. Hey, hey, babe, I don't know if
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  I, I don't know if I should call you babe anymore.
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  But babe, why did I hear from your sister that you got you got
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  reprimanded at work for doing this right here?
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  Why did I have to hear from that from your sister?
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  Why did I hear that from your brother-in-law that you got
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  into? You got into an argument with
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  your mom? Why?
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  Why did I? Why didn't you tell me?
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  Why do I have to hear this stuff from everybody else and not from
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  you? Huh, Huh.
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  Hun, Hun, babe. Now it's a problem that you
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  don't tell them. You see how it's damn near a
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  lose, lose situation where you're dealing with this type of
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  person like you can't you can't win.
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  You like that? What?
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  What I got to do to win? Damn, do I Do I stand a chance
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  at victory here? Is there a shot at victory here
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  like that? What can I do?
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  Like, I can't do this. I can't do that.
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  I can't say yes. I can't say no, I can't do.
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  There's nothing I can do. Like you're damn like, yeah,
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  that's what I'm saying. You're damned if you do and
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  you're damned if you don't. So if they hear it through the
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  Grapevine that you're telling everybody else what you're going
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  through, the problems that you might be facing, and you're not
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  sharing it with them, they're going to get angry as well.
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  And then they're going to give you a solid treatment or they're
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  going to rage out on you and they're going to be angry at you
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  for not sharing things which with them.
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  Because you know how it's going to go.
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  Let's be real. Yeah, Let's keep it hiding.
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  Ready. Let's say, let's take the gloves
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  off. You know how it's going to go.
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  That's why you don't share shit with them.
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  You already know what they're going to say.
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  You know how it's going to turn out.
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  So why in the fuck would you share something with them?
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  So if you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't,
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  choose the damned that benefits you the most, choose the damned
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  that you can live with. Like you want to get.
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  You want to get a jumped on by your partner and somebody the
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  outside world or you going to get jumped out about the outside
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  world have at least have somebody else to vent to you
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  like your friend or family member, whoever it is, right?
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  You vent to them and then your partner finds out later, they're
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  going to get mad. They're going to get mad anyway.
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  They're going to be angry anyway.
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  Any way you slice it, they're going to be angry and a lot of
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  times they're not going to be in on your side regardless To me,
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  if it was me in that situation, I'm going to have my friend, you
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  know, or my family member that I'm sharing information with
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  that I'm, I feel comfortable with.
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  Like, look, what do you think about this situation right here?
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  Was I in, was I in the wrong? Right here.
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  OK. I can see that.
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  Oh, I wasn't in the wrong. Cool.
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  Thank you. And you could, yeah, you could
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  test this theory out if you have a good support system, right?
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  When you're dealing with your partner and you go through
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  something, share it with a friend.
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  Get a friend's honest opinion first, then take it home to your
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  partner. Don't tell you.
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  Don't tell them that you already told your friend to whoever,
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  your brother, sister, whoever it is or your mom, dad, whoever it
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  is, right? Don't tell them that you've
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  already talked to somebody else about this.
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  Tell your partner and get their perspective and see what it is.
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  Most times they're going to be the they're going to go to
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  negative route. You notice I said most times.
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  Most times they're going to go against the grain.
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  They don't like, say they don't. In this situation, they don't
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  know what your other person has already said.
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  They haven't, they look, they, it hasn't been discussed.
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  There's nothing going on. There's nothing like they, they
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  don't know, right? So in this scenario, in this
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  situation, do you understand it? You get it, you feel it, you
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  feel the funk, the funk, It can get really funky, right?
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  So this is what you have to deal with.
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  This is what you, this is how it has to go.
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  So it's just like test the theory out and then if it goes
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  exactly how I think it's going to go, you can either continue
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  just sharing the information with your friend who your with
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  your friend or your fellow member has to be a steel trap.
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  They can't go tell your narcissistic partner or tell
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  tell somebody that it's going to get back to well, liaison let
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  you tell us to be deceptive. I'm not tell you be deceptive.
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  I'm telling you how to survive sometimes because if you or or
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  or you can do it like this, you can do opposite day.
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  Tell your don't don't share with anybody else, share it with your
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  partner and whatever they say, you just go deal with the
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  opposite. What they really want to say,
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  like your boss can little let's let's just say this is that
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  we're going to use the male female dynamic, right, Your
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  boss, Let's say you're a woman and yes, y'all fellas, we make
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  it be narcissists as well. But I'm going to do this example
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  because it's simple, right? It's not simple, not simple.
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  It's not, you know, good. Let's just say you're a woman at
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  work. Your boss smacks you on the ass
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  like you like you dress in work attire, nothing revealing,
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  nothing, nothing going on. You got a pantsuit on like cut
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  like you got a suit on like Kamala Harris be what it was
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  worth like a pantsuit, right? You can't see those type of
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  body. They slap you on your ass, they
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  grab your ass, right? You go home and tell your
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  partner what came in and my boss grabbed my ass today.
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  What would you what did you say to them to make him do that?
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  Why would they do that? I know men.
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  Men are men are not going to do this out of note for no reason.
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  Did you come out to them? You trying to sleep with them
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  for a promotion? What's going on here?
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  Like what did you? They'll find a way to blame you
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  in that situation. They reverse this situation.
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  Y'all, You're a man at work. You got a suit on it ain't it
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  Ain't even a fitted suit. You got a loose suit on.
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  You know how to suit the suits the the criminals.
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  You could tell. Like, just imagine this right
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  here. This get this image in your hair
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  right here. You ever seen a image of a
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  person is going about to go to court and it's probably going to
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  jail and it it seemed like the first time they wear a suit, the
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  suit be loose as hell. You got one of them suits on at
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  work. You got your pre jail suit on.
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  You got loose fitting suit right here, right.
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  It's not tailored at all. It's tailored for somebody
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  that's £200 more than you. Like you got that on and your
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  your female boss or your mail boss grabs your package.
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  You know what packet I'm talking about?
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  I don't need to go and do it. Grabs your package.
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  You go home and tell your partner and they just lose their
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  mind. Like what do you have on?
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  Were you just bouncing it? Were you swinging around?
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  Were you doing a helicopter with it?
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  What did you do? Did you come on to her?
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  You must have done something. Nobody's just going to grab a
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  package like that. They will find a way to blame
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  you. You see it?
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  Those are good. Those are some examples right
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  there, y'all, but this is how it goes.
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  Any toxic relationship dynamics. This is the type of stuff you
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  have to deal with and it sucks right?
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  It does absolutely does suck. But anyway, y'all, thank y'all
• 13:38
  for making it to the end of my video.
• 13:40
  Check out my kids book on Amazon if you haven't already.
• 13:42
  It's got Remember, it's not your fault.
• 13:44
  It's a good conversation starter to talk to your kids about toxic
• 13:47
  relationship dynamics. Y'all hit that subscribe button
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  if you haven't. We're creeping towards the half
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  a milli and mental illness is out.
• 13:54
  Peace what's going on beautiful folks.
• 13:56
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video I truly
• 13:59
  appreciate it. You have no idea.
• 14:01
  If you haven't already hit that subscribe button.
• 14:03
  You made it this far you might as well subscribe.
• 14:06
  It really does help the channel y'all helps me reach more people
• 14:09
  as well. Also I have coaching my courses
• 14:12
  and my support group available at www.mentalillness.net.
• 14:16
  Thank you so much. Make sure you stick around watch
• 14:18
  another video or two. I appreciate it.
• 14:20
  I'm out.