Latest / The World of Phil Hendrie / Episode #3983 The New Phil Hendrie Show

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Episode #3983 The New Phil Hendrie Show · The World of Phil Hendrie

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: World-famous Phil Henry Show. Welcome to the Phil Henry Show
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: here from the beautiful Ted Bell Canyon above the great
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: city of Los Angeles. I'm Phil Henry, and we're back
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: with you here with some shows, some new shows, some
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: live shows. We have Jay Santos with us tonight. We
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: also have Ted Bell with us tonight because Ted is
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: going to be talking about kind of doing a review
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: of Ted-a-ween. I know that we have Ted's Giving coming up. Yeah,
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Ted's Giving.
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: I've got it.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: No, you don't.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: I've got it.
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: I'll do it.
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: Ted's Giving. Ted's giving.
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Go ahead, General. Ted's giving is coming up, yes. But
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: Ted wanted to do a review of Tedoween because I
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: think he's done with it. You're kidding. Oh, my God. No,
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: I'm not. He is finished with it because the whole
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: idea behind Tedoween, as you know, is he's supposed to
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: scare people. And if he scares you, or if he
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: doesn't scare you, that's it. You get a steak dinner. Right,
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: and he doesn't scare anybody. Yeah, and this past Halloween,
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: I think it was, what, $ 1, 000 to it?
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's about $ 1, 000, $ 1, 500 worth of free steak dinner.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: Oh, my God. Yeah. Either that or learn how to
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: scare people or something.
• 1:09
  Speaker 3: Well, he's coming out of his office, and he's dressed
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: as Dracula. He has the high Dracula collar, and he goes, yeah,
• 1:16
  Speaker 3: you know, but it just ain't making it.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: He's not scaring anybody. And people actually come in and request,
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: would you please scare me so I can get a
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: free steak dinner? He'll go, that's not, if I scare you,
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: then you don't get a steak dinner. And they go, yeah,
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: we know that, but just please go ahead and... Okay,
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: but it sounds like it's a disaster. Yeah, pretty much. Okay,
• 1:37
  Speaker 1: so Ted Bell with us coming up later on in
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: the program. We have Jay Santos of the Citizens' Auxiliary
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: Police is going to join us right now. Jay Santos
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: of the Citizens' Auxiliary Police is only here. Jay Santos
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: joining us from the South Bay. Jay, how are you?
• 1:54
  Speaker 4: I feel that cuphead here in the substation, well, actually
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: in the substation at... Bill Kohler's house because his wife
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: let him use it.
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: His wife let him use the basement?
• 2:06
  Speaker 4: No, that's not it. Yes, he was given the basement
• 2:10
  Speaker 4: so we get to be here.
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: You get to be there and you can pretend like
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: you're a policeman. Ms. Gray, I think that that is
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: dirty pool. I don't think that's necessary at all. Let's
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: just ease back, okay? You're in a basement that was
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: given to you by someone's wife.
• 2:25
  Speaker 4: We're being allowed to use the Kohler basement here and
• 2:29
  Speaker 4: everything like that.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's okay, Jay. We realize you don't really have
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: a permanent substation, per se. We use... Yeah, what happens
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: is you guys use whatever the wives let you use.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Did I just hear you use the F word? Can
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: I hammer? Can you hammer?
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you may hammer.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: Can I hang up, please? No, Jay, because we're supposed
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: to do this... interview you said that you do the
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: interview with me right.
• 2:54
  Speaker 4: But as soon as i hit the air with you
• 2:56
  Speaker 4: i got people making the citizens auxiliary police look like
• 3:00
  Speaker 4: the first day of monkey month at the zoo and
• 3:03
  Speaker 4: here we have the citizens auxiliary police see how they've
• 3:07
  Speaker 4: got big long tails and the f.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: Word jake all right i'm sorry and we're sorry man
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: we're not trying to invest with you it's just that
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: You know, we want to know what substation you were in.
• 3:19
  Speaker 4: If I say we're in a substation, that ought to suffice,
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: not whose house we're using.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: Well, you're in someone's basement. Oh, boy. I have a question, seriously. Yes? Well, Jay,
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: if you detain somebody, you always talk about taking people
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: to the substation. What, are you taking them to someone's house?
• 3:36
  Speaker 4: We don't detain people and take them to someone's house.
• 3:40
  Speaker 4: We use a substation as a meeting area, radio call.
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: We do radio clearance.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: We do assignment desk. We do morning roll. We do
• 3:50
  Speaker 4: morning roll.
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: Hold on for a minute. Yeah. We do morning roll call. Okay? Goddamn.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: What?
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: Nothing.
• 4:01
  Speaker 4: That's what we use the substations for, okay? So if
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: you want it, Mr. Harry, sit there along with your
• 4:07
  Speaker 4: crew and go, Hey, Jason, if he can't use his substation,
• 4:11
  Speaker 4: do it.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: All right, sorry. I didn't mean to.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: They may insult you, Mr. Sanos, but it's just, you know,
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: people always want to know.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: What people want to know? We have people asking us
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: all the time, you know, where is the substation? Can
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: we go visit? Can we get an autograph?
• 4:24
  Speaker 4: Yeah, sure.
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: Can we go visit? All they want to do is
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: come around and frisbee the helmet off, get an autograph.
• 4:33
  Speaker 4: They probably drop their pants and want me to autograph
• 4:35
  Speaker 4: a butt cheek. That's probably what they do. Because I
• 4:38
  Speaker 4: had a guy do that one time. I was out
• 4:40
  Speaker 4: here on 3rd and Main.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: All right, let's talk about that a little bit later.
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: We're talking to Jay Santos here about something that you
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: have volunteered. You have something called Bear Squad? Yes, we do, Phil.
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: And we're volunteering Bear Squad now and now only for
• 4:53
  Speaker 4: the next three, four months to see how it works
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: out for us. What Bear Squad is, is.
• 4:59
  Speaker 1: You patrol for bears. Margaret. Sorry. Oh, Jake, roll up. Well,
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: I'm trying to get it set. Somebody's interrupting. All right,
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: she interrupted by mistake. Go ahead.
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: Bear Squad is what we are volunteering. If you want
• 5:18
  Speaker 4: Bear Squad, you get two subcommanders plus a subcommander vehicle,
• 5:23
  Speaker 4: and we can drive the roads there of Ted Bell.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: Canyon in the immediate area of your studios and do
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: Bear Patrol. And the reason why we volunteer Bear Patrol,
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: as my understanding, is that you do have bear, I
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: don't think you have bear attacks or anything like that, right?
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: We have bear up here, yeah. We have bear, like B-A-R-E.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: Jesus, hey.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: Hey, bud, just do something else, okay? Hey, bud, why
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: don't you go get me a coffee? B-A-R-E.
• 5:54
  Speaker 4: Well, you know, that's what happens. I mean, you raise
• 5:58
  Speaker 4: that kid up to be what it is, and now
• 6:00
  Speaker 4: that's what it is.
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: He's a he, not an it. Oh, boy. Frank Gray
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: gets the call. Frank Gray has a mental condition. He's
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: my husband. Is that his mental condition? Bud? Yeah? Get
• 6:16
  Speaker 1: him straightened out, will you? Yeah, Jay?
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: What happened?
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: What happened? Am I back? You're back, yeah. Okay, sorry.
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: That's my husband. He's got a mental condition. We heard it, okay?
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: I already heard it, Jay. It's not funny. So Jay
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: sent us with this from the Citizens Auxiliary Police. We
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: do have bear here in Ted Bell Canyon. What service
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: are you offering?
• 6:37
  Speaker 4: We are offering the Citizens Auxiliary Police to patrol the
• 6:41
  Speaker 4: area for bear. Now, we're not going to hurt the bear.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: Hold on a minute. 14-4, 14-3.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: Who?
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: I never heard of him.
• 6:52
  Speaker 4: What we're doing, Phil, is we're patrolling the area for bear,
• 6:56
  Speaker 4: and we're not shooting them.
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: No, we don't want you to shoot the bear. In fact,
• 7:00
  Speaker 1: you would get arrested for that. You know, we don't
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: want any wildlife harmed, okay? The only thing that we
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: want is for you to alert us if there's a bear.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: For instance, people are going out at night to their cars.
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: Some people, not here, but some people are actually dumping
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: their trash in receptacles that are away from their condos,
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: and who knows? It's dark at night. The bear sometimes
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: get into the garbage. So it would be nice to
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: have somebody out there in the parking area. Keep an
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: eye out. Okay, I understand.
• 7:29
  Speaker 4: But you don't want them to be shot or nothing?
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: Of course not. No. All right, Mr.
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: Henry.
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: Of course not. I don't know, Mr. Harry. Look, Jay,
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: we're not out here trying to kill bear. We're trying
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: to just make the area safe for everybody, the bear included. Okay.
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: All right. So what we offer, Mr.
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: Henry, is a two-man squad. We will simply park the Citizens'
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: Auxiliary Police vehicle, and then we will stand on what
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: we call Stand on Bear Squad. So when we're in
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: the subcommander vehicle, we're doing bear squad patrol. When we
• 8:03
  Speaker 4: get out and we stand at the side of the vehicle,
• 8:07
  Speaker 4: we are on bear squad. We're in bear squad country,
• 8:13
  Speaker 4: as we call it.
• 8:14
  Speaker 1: Okay? You follow me so far, Mr.
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: Henry?
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: No, I do not. I don't follow any of that.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: Well, what?
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: What do you mean you're on Bear Squad? What are
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: you doing exactly? What are we doing? We get out
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: of the van. You don't have to tell me the
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: physical movements. What is the purpose of Bear Squad?
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: We are there to ward off a bear or to
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: warn you what a bear is nearby. We're not going to,
• 8:37
  Speaker 4: like you said, we're not going to shoot them. We're
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: not going to harm them in any way. But if
• 8:40
  Speaker 4: we do see a bear, look, Mr.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: Henry, this is funny. Have you got a minute? Have
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: I got a minute? I've got you. You're my interviewer.
• 8:48
  Speaker 4: Okay, God, what I'm trying to say to you, Mr. Henry,
• 8:52
  Speaker 4: is can you turn that calliope off, Jimmy? Turn it off,
• 8:55
  Speaker 4: will you, because.
• 8:55
  Speaker 1: It's not funny. I don't know that I could.
• 8:58
  Speaker 4: I don't care if you like it. Turn the calliope
• 9:00
  Speaker 4: off before I come over there. So what we're talking about, Mr. Henry,
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: when we talk about Bear Squad, is that we are on,
• 9:11
  Speaker 4: you see, as I've told you many times, Mr. Henry,
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: the citizens of Uxbury Police, we run at trouble. Okay,
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: so as I've said to you, you know, say you're
• 9:20
  Speaker 4: trouble and I'm in front of you. Well, you can't
• 9:22
  Speaker 4: see me, but let's say.
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: No, I know when you go at trouble, you go, yeah. Yeah,
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: isn't that it?
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: Yeah, what we do is when we see trouble, we
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: run at trouble and go, yeah, that's the citizen's auxiliary
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: police way. So if we see a bear, my understanding
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: is from the reading what I've done is you just
• 9:41
  Speaker 4: have to... A bear is like a coyote. It's like
• 9:43
  Speaker 4: any wild animal. It's going to be afraid. And it's
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: going to run away if you just go, ah. So
• 9:49
  Speaker 4: I've trained my citizens' auxiliary police officers.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: Won't work.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: What? That's not going to work. Hold on. God. I've
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: trained my citizens' auxiliary police officers to when they need it.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: see a bear, they put the left foot forward, the
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: right foot back, both hands up in the air, shoulder high,
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: and go, yeah, like that. Okay? What is that supposed
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: to do? What is it supposed to... Hey, Jimmy, I'm
• 10:14
  Speaker 1: talking to this guy, Henry. Would you stick with me
• 10:16
  Speaker 1: here for a minute, Jay? Okay.
• 10:17
  Speaker 4: What it's supposed to do is it scares off the bear.
• 10:20
  Speaker 4: It's a human versus a bear. Guess who wins that one?
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, now let me tell you why that won't work. Oh, boy.
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: That you hired me to... Jay, just listen to this, okay?
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: We've been up here, living up here, all right? We're
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: trying to give you guys some idea what to do.
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: I know what to do. We're the Citizens' Auxiliary Police.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: When we see trouble, the left foot goes forward, the
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: right foot goes back, the hands go shoulder high, and
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: we go, yeah! Hey, will you watch the F word?
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Look, Jay, here's the thing. A bear, especially
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: a female bear, is not going to get scared off.
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: She's going to come at you and she's going to
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: kill you. Now, I don't think we have grizzly here.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: I think we have black bear. But I don't know
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: what the aggressive personality of those bears happens to be.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: I would suggest that you don't go like that. Now,
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: I have heard people say that if you make yourself larger,
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: if you put your arms up in the air, if
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: you stretch your legs apart and you look bigger than
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: you are, sometimes that will back a bear off.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: What would you expect us to do? I would expect
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: you guys to stay in the van with your phones
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: on and give us a call if you see bear
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: in the area.
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: So I'm supposed to sit in my.
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: Oh, boy. Well, what do you want to do, Jay?
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: Do you want to be Mr. Hero and go out
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: and wrestle a bear?
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: Damn, wrestle a bear.
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to wrestle a bear. But don't you
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: want to scare them out of the area? I don't
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: know that... I'm not going to give you that advice.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: I don't know that that's safe. All we want to
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: know is, are there bear in the area? Because at night...
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: It's a different ballgame. At night, the bear are out there.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: They're looking for something to eat. If they have cubs,
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: if they are mama bears, you do not want to
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: go at them going, yeah, like that, okay?
• 11:59
  Speaker 4: So, in other words, this is another one of the
• 12:01
  Speaker 4: Phil Henry Show episodes. Let's bring on Jay Samuels of
• 12:04
  Speaker 4: the Citizen's Auxiliary Police, see how long his tail is tonight,
• 12:08
  Speaker 4: and see what tree we can hang him from.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: No, that's not it, Jake. Well, that's what it sounds like.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: You're telling me how to do my job. I'm not
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: trying to tell you how to do your job. I'm
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: telling you what our experience is with these bears and
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: what I've been told. The best thing is that you
• 12:21
  Speaker 1: don't feed them. You don't go near them. What we
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: want you to do is be on the cell phone.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: Let us know if there's any in the area, any
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: in the parking lot. I don't know. Maybe if you
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: start the van up, maybe it'll scare them off, and
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: maybe it won't. Maybe they'll get curious.
• 12:35
  Speaker 4: Oh, so now you're telling me I'm going to be
• 12:36
  Speaker 4: sitting in the van like a sitting duck. I'm going
• 12:37
  Speaker 4: to have one of these things come at me? I'm
• 12:40
  Speaker 4: going to have one of these things come at me?
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: If you're inside your van or inside your car, the
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: bear's not going to hurt you. Okay? And once you
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: make that phone call to us and say, hey, look,
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: there's some bear out here, then you can split, or
• 12:51
  Speaker 1: at least you can start up the van and roll
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: out of here. Okay, so... I never really thought we
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: needed this, Jay, but you were pitching Margaret on this
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: bear squad thing.
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: Bear squad is a whole new... And right out of
• 13:03
  Speaker 4: the gate, Mr. Henry, you're making bear squads sound like
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: we're just about a bunch of guys who are walking
• 13:11
  Speaker 4: around with our flies unzipped. That's what you're making bear
• 13:14
  Speaker 4: squads sound like. You're making bear squads sound like Jay Santos,
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: citizen of the police, are.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: Walking around with their.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: Take it easy, Jay. With your flies unzipped? Yeah. Well, no,
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: that's not what we're going to do, okay? Okay. Now,
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: all I wanted to ask you, and I didn't know
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: that you already had a program in place called Bear Squad,
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: was to come on up here and take a look
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: and see what you guys could do by way of
• 13:38
  Speaker 1: just doing kind of foot patrol. I don't care. Talk
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: about a foot patrol? And you're telling me that we can't.
• 13:43
  Speaker 4: Go, huh? You know that when we do foot patrol, Mr. Henry,
• 13:47
  Speaker 4: we have the one left leg goes.
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: I know. One left leg forward. The right leg is back.
• 13:51
  Speaker 1: You have the hand shoulder high, and you go, huh?
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: Knock it off, Jay. I'm just kidding.
• 14:00
  Speaker 4: So when would you like us to start Bear Squad? Well,
• 14:03
  Speaker 4: we call it Bear Squad. What do you call it?
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: We'll call it Bear Squad. Okay, Bear Squad commences tomorrow night, Mr. Henry.
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: Say 5-5-30. We can run Bear Squad until 9. Tomorrow
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: night it will be myself, Subcommander Gleason, Aubrey, Subcommander Winston.
• 14:21
  Speaker 4: Then we'll be relieved by Subcommander Dane.
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: Wait, wait, wait.
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: Hold on for a minute. Why do you need all
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: these men? What are you talking about, all these men?
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: Sounds like you've got, like, what, ten guys at least. Well,
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: what do you... It's called... This is Bear Squad, Mr. Henry.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: You just said, if you've got a mama bear that
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: comes upon you, hell, man, are you going to be tasty. Morning... Hey,
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: look at this. Breakfast has arrived. It's called Phil Henry.
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: That's what it's going to be. No, no, I don't
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: want that to happen. But I don't think you need
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: that many guys. Well, how many do you suggest? I
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: would say two, maybe two, three guys. Hold on for
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: a minute. Hey, Jimmy, Jimmy, get off the phone. Get
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: off the frequency, okay? I don't care. Get off the frequency.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: I'll come over there and take care of it. Okay, Jay,
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: we're going to let you go, all right? Oh, yeah, sure. Why?
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: Just all you need. Well, you sound really, really distracted tonight, Jay.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: I've got a lot of things going on. I don't know.
• 15:22
  Speaker 4: But Bear Squad was something we were very proud of,
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: that we could incorporate into the Jay Santus and the Citizens'
• 15:28
  Speaker 4: Auxiliary Police We Go At Trouble philosophy. And so I
• 15:32
  Speaker 4: was telling the guys tonight, when we go on Bear Squad,
• 15:35
  Speaker 4: and we do Bear Squad, and we're on Bear Squad,
• 15:37
  Speaker 4: and we're in Bear Squad, Bear Squad is all enveloping.
• 15:40
  Speaker 1: All enveloping?
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, right, all enveloping. And so it's, you know, so
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: what we'll do is we bring out our, Jay sent us,
• 15:50
  Speaker 4: we have a citizen's advisory police broth bugs. We will
• 15:54
  Speaker 4: obviously be using this small microwave inside the patrol van,
• 16:00
  Speaker 4: and we're heating up some soups. We're heating up some chowder.
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: What is the chowder for? Jay, are you doing one
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: of these we're going to sit and assess?
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: Am I doing what?
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: Why do you have the chowder heating up?
• 16:14
  Speaker 4: We're going to sit. If we see bear, we're going
• 16:17
  Speaker 4: to have a cup of chowder.
• 16:19
  Speaker 1: We'll toast. We'll go, yeah. We'll eat the chowder and
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: observe the bear, okay? Are you guys going to be
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: calling us and saying, hey, we see bear in the area?
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: We're having chowder. All right, so in other words, you're
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: not going to do anything to help protect us? We
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: have to assess the situation, Mr.
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: Henry.
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: I already told you about that. You guys sound like
• 16:39
  Speaker 1: chicken shits. That's what I'm thinking. Okay, take that back. No.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: I said to take it back. No, I will not. Jay, look.
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: I want him to take that back because what did
• 16:48
  Speaker 4: he hope?
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: Jay, listen, man. You're out there. You should be on
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: the phone with us saying, hey, there's a bear out here,
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: and that's it. Then you can get back to your
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: mug or your soup. Back to my mug soup? Back
• 16:59
  Speaker 1: to your cup of broth or whatever the hell it is.
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: I knew that you— everybody, citizens, auxiliary police knows that Phil
• 17:06
  Speaker 4: Henry and the Phil Henry crew, you hate the idea
• 17:09
  Speaker 4: that we assess the situation over a warm cup of chowder.
• 17:13
  Speaker 4: Don't you?
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: And now we have another atmospheric river coming to L.A.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: next week. Did you read about that? No, I did not. Yeah.
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: So now we have another atmospheric river. There's going to
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: be more people stranded in cars, lots of, you know, water,
• 17:24
  Speaker 1: a lot of flooding. Are you guys going to be
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: out there helping motorists or not? I said to you
• 17:29
  Speaker 1: we will take a look at it. Of course we do.
• 17:30
  Speaker 4: That's what we do. That's what we do, helping motorists,
• 17:34
  Speaker 4: helping people. That's the name of the game for it.
• 17:36
  Speaker 4: They say it's auxiliary police. Okay, there's nothing wrong. I
• 17:39
  Speaker 4: take a look out the window and I see, you know.
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: You see a woman stranded in her car like you
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: did that one time. You went back in for chowder.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: You did, Jay. I turned... Oh, my God, man. Mr. Henry,
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: you got to tell these people... Well, didn't you do that?
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: I turned... I pivoted in a military crisp fashion, turned,
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: strode back to where my wife was. I put the
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: mug in front of her and I said, you, there.
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: I pointed... I pointed into the mug.
• 18:06
  Speaker 4: And I think she topped me off with beef broth.
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: And a cheese broth. Uh-uh. What? Then what?
• 18:15
  Speaker 4: I sat down, I sipped at it, and tried to
• 18:18
  Speaker 4: size up what was happening.
• 18:21
  Speaker 1: What was happening is a woman was stranded in her car.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: I know that, but I had to just get... You
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: had to grow a pair. No, I didn't have to...
• 18:33
  Speaker 1: I have to go now, Mr. Henry. Okay, Jason, we'll
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: be looking forward to you and Bear Patrol, huh? Maybe.
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, maybe it's a little tough for him.
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: You're right. That's probably too rough for you, huh? I'll
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: see you out there this weekend for Bear Patrol, okay?
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: Don't worry about it.
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: Jesus.
• 18:49
  Speaker 1: That guy, you know, he's out there on Bear Patrol.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: Then he's out there with the atmospheric river with the
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: rain and people being flooded out. And he's sitting having
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: a mug of broth. figuring out whether he's got the guts. Well,
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: he's basically, he said it. What was it, Bud?
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: You call it a ball check.
• 19:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's a ball check. He's checking to see
• 19:07
  Speaker 1: if he's got balls big enough to leave the house,
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: go and rescue that lady in the car, and then
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: go back to the house and finish his mug of broth.
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: I don't know. Yeah, it's a very bizarre concept that
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: these guys have, that they need broth and soups to
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: just assess the situation before they just go charging in and,
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: you know, right. So anyway, we'll see how Bear Squad works.
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: We don't really have a bear problem. It's just that
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: when we have visitors at night, because we do our
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: show at night, so we have a lot of people
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: who are guests, they pull up, and sometimes parking, although
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: it's a very well-lit parking lot. Yeah, there's no reason
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: to fear that the bear are going to be going
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: near the cars. No, but but there's also a dumpster,
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: a trash receptacle area back there. Okay. Under that one carport.
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: And I haven't seen any bear over there, but that's
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: what they say. Bear do.
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: They will go around the, uh, the, the trash bins
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: to get that one bar that they lay on it.
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: Yeah. There's a big heavy metal bar that they lay
• 20:03
  Speaker 1: atop the, uh, the lids to these trash bins. So
• 20:06
  Speaker 1: the bears can't get into it, but, uh, Yeah, no,
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: I just thought it might be a good idea because
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: it dawned on me as daylight savings gave way to
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: standard time that it is darker earlier and people are
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: still getting into their cars. Well, you didn't hear of
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: anybody getting attacked. When's the last guy that's ever gotten
• 20:24
  Speaker 1: attacked by a bear around here? I don't know. I
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: haven't even heard of one. I haven't heard of any
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: bear attack around here ever. Now, this place, as we've
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: said to you guys there at home, this area was
• 20:35
  Speaker 1: at one time bear-hunting. a bear hunting area. This is
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: what they did in the 20s up here in the
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: San Gabriel foothills above Los Angeles. People came up here
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: and paid good money to go bear hunting. That gave
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: way to, you know, the expansion of the suburbs. The
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: foothills suddenly became places where they were building homes. And
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: the bear and the coyote and all the animals just
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: kind of maybe retreated higher into the mountains. But here's
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: the kind of, in my opinion, the cool thing about it.
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: The wildlife has... has not surrendered to this. The wildlife
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: refuses to just go scampering back up into the woods
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: and hide. They're down here competing for resources just as
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: much as they were 10, 15, 20, 30 years ago.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: I see coyote out on that road all the time.
• 21:18
  Speaker 1: I put a picture of two deer on our Instagram
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: page that were right out in front of the studio here.
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: Those are beautiful animals.
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but they were, those were deer? Are you sure
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: they were deer?
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: You don't think I know what a deer looks like? No.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: They were deer, bud. Okay. There were two beautiful deer
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: out here, and they were having themselves some lunch.
• 21:41
  Speaker 2: Time for Tedville.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 21:46
  Speaker 4: Ted, how you doing, buddy?
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: Thanks so much, Tedville here, everybody. Ted-a-ween. Well, we'll talk
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: about Ted-a-ween, okay? But don't forget, Ted, well, I messed
• 21:59
  Speaker 1: it up now. Ted's Giving is coming up. Everybody with
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: the F word tonight. Everyone with the F word tonight.
• 22:06
  Speaker 1: Ted Bell joining us here from Ted's in Beverly Hills.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Ted, that Tedoween didn't go well. Look it, Phil,
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: here's the thing. I didn't want to talk about it.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: I wanted to talk about Ted's giving is coming up.
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: And we've got delicious turkey, turkey breasts. We have the
• 22:22
  Speaker 1: turkey leg that everybody comes to Ted's in Beverly Hills for.
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: Everyone comes to Ted's in Beverly Hills on Thanksgiving so
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: they can get the big, gigantic turkey leg. And we
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: let the kids walk around gnawing on it and staring
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: at people. It's one of those holidays where we do
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: allow kids. I'm sorry, what do you do? What do
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: we do? You said you let the children do what?
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: We bring out the large turkey legs. We give those
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: specifically to the kids. And they can walk around gnawing
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: on them and staring at people. I just tell the kids,
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: go ahead. They walk around staring at people. What do
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: you find so funny about that, Bill? I'm very curious.
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: So the kids get big, giant, jumbo... Turkey-legged drumsticks. Exactly.
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: And then they wander around the restaurant. Yes, because as
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: you know at Ted's in Beverly Hills, we do not
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: allow kids in the restaurants. We frown on bringing children
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: into our restaurant. We don't want to see kids in
• 23:16
  Speaker 1: our restaurant. I don't want to see them. I don't
• 23:18
  Speaker 1: want to smell them. What's going on, Ted? You're obviously disturbed.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: I am.
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: All right. Was it Ted-a-ween? Yes, it was Ted-a-ween. It
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: was a disaster. I'm sorry, folks. It was not. We're
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: ending Tedoween. We're not going to keep doing it. We
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: will celebrate Tedoween. We'll have, I'll dress as a skeleton
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: or something, but I'm not going to do the Dracula
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: thing anymore. Okay, so you weren't scaring people. Well, what
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: do you think, Bill? I guess you weren't. Why give
• 23:44
  Speaker 1: up on the Dracula thing? Why not have somebody else
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: dress as Dracula? What about that, Ted, that you have,
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: for instance, a member of the kitchen staff? Oh, great, sure.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: Then I have somebody from the kitchen staff. What am
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: I hearing? I'm listening to somebody singing to the kitchen
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: right now. I have someone from the kitchen staff do what?
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: Maybe we shouldn't have said that, but you have somebody
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: from the staff who can scare people. Okay, yeah. Well, Ted,
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: we don't need anything personal by that. No, no, no, no, no,
• 24:16
  Speaker 1: that's fine, that's fine. Sure, I'll get somebody who can
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: do it better. That way we won't have to get
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: rid of Ted Oween. That way everybody can have their laugh.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: have their fun, and come here every year and go, oh,
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: it's Tedoween. This was the time when Ted would try
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: to scare people, and he couldn't scare a little two-year-old
• 24:33
  Speaker 1: girl if he went up behind her and went, ah!
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: You don't think so, huh? I don't know, you know.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: Maybe I can. Oh, boy. You know, I'm a sponsor.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: You sit there and laugh at me like I'm a
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: poor pathetic jagoff who fell out of his wheelchair. No,
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: I am not. No, you're not, huh? No, I'm not
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: doing that. Ted Bell with us here, folks. All right,
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: let's talk about what you are going to be doing.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: You're going to be Ted's Giving. Ted's Giving, as I mentioned. Now,
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: tell me about this. So the kids, all the kids
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: get a drumstick. Those are big turkey drumsticks. That's right.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: Bring your kid in, and between 7 and 7.10, we'll
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: give out these big... Ten minutes? How many kids? Well, Margaret,
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: we don't have an unlimited supply of turkey drumsticks. Some
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: of the adults want them. So as many kids as
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: we can accommodate between 7 p.m. and 7, 10 p.m.,
• 25:30
  Speaker 1: you get a turkey drumstick, and then you get the
• 25:33
  Speaker 1: full run of the restaurant. Walk around, look at stuff.
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: So you're going to let kids do what you ordinarily
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: wouldn't let them do? Not in a million years. No,
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: I would never let these kids wander the restaurant. But
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: you know what? They're here. They've got the turkey leg.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: I might as well let them do what comes naturally
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: to a kid. So they have their turkey leg. You
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: can walk around. You can, you know, pick food out
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: of their salad bar. I don't care. Ted, why do
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: it if you really don't really want the kids there?
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: I don't mind. It's a good promotion to get the
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: families in, that's all. And once the kids have their
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: turkey legs, what are they supposed to do? Then we
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: ask the parents, could you take the kids back out
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: to the car and let them sit there and listen
• 26:12
  Speaker 1: to the radio? They could sit there for a few
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: hours while their parents.
• 26:15
  Speaker 4: For a few hours?
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: Who was that? It's me. It's Margaret. Margaret, for a
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: minute there, it sounded like... For a few hours! It
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: sounded like... I shouldn't say this. It sounded like you
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: were biting a towel. Either hang up on him or
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: I will. What did she say? Nothing. Well, I want
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: to know what she said. Thank you. Get Ted back
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: on the... No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
• 26:41
  Speaker 2: We can explain it. We have to explain it.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: Yeah, Ted?
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you blew it.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: You blew it bad.
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you said to Margaret she was biting the towel.
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: What does it sound like when you bite a towel?
• 26:51
  Speaker 1: Give me the phone, will you? What does it sound like? Ted,
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: you there? Yeah, what happened? You said that Margaret sounded
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: like she was biting a towel. That was not very kind. Oh, Margaret, okay,
• 27:03
  Speaker 1: I apologize. That was a bad thing to say. Whatever.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: All right, I'm just saying, Phil, on Thanksgiving, bring the
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: kids in. We'll give them a drumstick. They can gnaw
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: on it and walk around and stare at people. I
• 27:15
  Speaker 1: don't care. Okay. Hello, Phil. I don't think it's very
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: appropriate to listen to a grown man blubber and snivel.
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: What?
• 27:28
  Speaker 1: Nothing. What? What? What?
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: Well, he's here.
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: Okay. Get him under control for the first time in
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: his life. Get him under control. World-famous Phil Henry Show
• 27:46
  Speaker 1: executive produced by me, Phil Henry, for Siempre Incorporated, all
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: rights reserved, on iHeart Podcast. Okay, I'm sorry, but I
• 27:57
  Speaker 1: made a mess out of your show.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: Today, Phil.
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: Hey, man, Tatooine couldn't have been that bad. It's hot,
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you.