Latest / Liberatory Strategy / S4E07 Legacy with Guest Riessa Monique

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S4E07 Legacy with Guest Riessa Monique · Liberatory Strategy

0:13
Shirani Pathak: Hey there, and welcome to the fierce
0:15
authenticity podcast where I teach you how to decolonize your
0:20
mind, break free from supremacy internalized patriarchal
0:24
conditioning, and have amazing relationships. It doesn't have
0:28
to be one or the other friend, you can have both. And my
0:32
signature framework fierce authenticity shows you how I'm
0:37
your hostess Shirani M Pathak. And now, let's get to it.
0:46
Welcome back to the fierce authenticity podcast friends, I
0:50
am so excited to have you here back with me again today and
0:54
back with another live studio audience. And remember, friends,
0:58
if you do not get my emails, you are missing out on invitations
1:02
to live recordings of the podcast and join us right here
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right now like we are about to do. So what I want you to do is
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because they truly are master classes in the topics that we go
1:19
into. And especially when we have a guest like today. So I
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want you to hop on over to fierceauthenticity.com and
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scroll down to the button that says Get my emails. Another way
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these emails, get these invites, they will change your life. And
1:43
I remember in a recent call of ours, the last guest that we had
1:47
a community member of ours told us that it literally changed her
1:51
life in that one hour that we were together. And so this is
1:56
why I want you here. This is why I want you live. I want you to
1:59
get your questions answered. Okay.
2:02
And now, without further ado, I want to introduce to us today's
2:08
guest Riessa Monique is a life and mindset coach that helps
2:13
people who are the go to person in their friends and family's
2:17
lives, start making decisions and follow through on the
2:21
decisions they want for their life. And you guys, I have all
2:26
of the links to Reissa and her work in the shownotes. Be sure
2:31
you go follow her on Instagram because she posts some of the
2:35
most fun reels some of the most fun content. And they're
2:39
actually really, really creative and informative all at the same
2:44
time. I really enjoyed watching them, especially those ones
2:46
where Riessa comes out. And she's all drumming and sharing a
2:49
message at the same time. Those are super, super fun. So
2:52
friends, make sure you go do that. And welcome Riessa to the
2:57
fierce authenticity podcast.
2:59
Riessa: Thank you so much for having me. This is my first
3:02
podcast. So my cherry is being popped. Yes, thank you Be
3:06
gentle.
3:10
Shirani Pathak: I am honored to be popping your podcast cherry
3:13
and this is definitely the place that you want to be for that and
3:18
so Riessa, you heard my brief intro of you. And I would love
3:22
for you to tell me and our friends who are listening in a
3:26
little bit more about you. And maybe even like why you do what
3:31
you do. Before we dig into our topic, which today is legacy is
3:37
so exciting.
3:38
Riessa: So my journey actually started in this work. It started
3:42
in high school, where I would always help people and talk to
3:45
people and people will always often suggest that become a
3:47
therapist. But I had no interest in becoming a therapist because
3:52
it required me to write papers. And I really liked the math and
3:57
the science piece. So literally, and I didn't want to be in
4:00
college forever. So I became an engineer. But I always liked
4:03
helping people. And even before I decided to become a life
4:06
coach, I was called a life coach. People would often tell
4:09
me that I'm their life coach, because I genuinely love people
4:13
I love I believe in in people. I believe that everyone was made
4:17
for their design. Like God, the universe of the Creator has that
4:21
wonderful handbook for everybody. So no one can say
4:24
that I'm doing it wrong. Really check check the manual, check my
4:28
manual, check my design. Maybe I'm right on track because we're
4:32
all taught to that we're supposed to live in this certain
4:34
box and honestly, no one's meant to fit in the box. So what
4:39
happened with me is in the pandemic, I ended up slowing
4:42
down questioning why I did what I did, because me just like a
4:45
lot of my clients were living on autopilot, right and then so we
4:48
don't question why we do what we do. And the reality is if we
4:51
don't necessarily want to do that is that we know nothing
4:54
else. Right? So the question is was for me, it's like why am I
4:57
doing what I'm doing? I'm being IT project managers is something
5:01
I want to keep continuing to do. And the answer was no. And so I
5:05
got in touch with myself and was honest about the work that I
5:08
actually really wanted to do ended up learning more tools to
5:11
actually give my clients exponential results so that they
5:16
can tap into their own self worth and understanding their
5:18
own power. Right, because that's not where we're taught. We're
5:22
like, like, in the intro that you gave, I help people make
5:26
decisions, because we don't really understand how powerful
5:28
we are. Right? As far as like, we're able to make decisions, we
5:31
don't have to continue to be on autopilot. And just the creators
5:36
that we are in those gifts in the strength in the talents that
5:39
we automatically have. So yeah, that's a little bit about me.
5:42
Shirani Pathak: I was laughing when you said like, oh, people
5:45
are saying you should be a therapist, and you didn't want
5:47
to be a therapist, like, hello, we all know, I just retired as a
5:50
therapist, and I did not want to be a therapist. And yet I spent
5:54
16 out of 18 years of my career as a therapist doing something
6:00
that I was really frickin good at really skilled at, but didn't
6:04
want to do. So I like how you call it like that autopilot for
6:08
those of us who are on autopilot. And you know, you
6:10
similar to so many others, the pandemic was a time where a lot
6:15
of people had to slow down and reevaluate. What am I doing
6:19
here? Is this really what I want to do? And I have to say, like
6:23
being a Black woman in STEM, like, first of all, that's
6:26
fucking phenomenal. Right? That's amazing. And it probably
6:30
took a lot. And I'm just speaking from my own story, you
6:35
correct me if I'm wrong, but it probably took a lot to be able
6:38
to sit down and say, No, there's something different for me, and
6:41
I'm going to take action towards it.
6:44
Riessa: Yeah, if I'm being honest with myself, like,
6:46
especially to me, when you hit a certain age, there's a bit of
6:49
uneasiness, but it's not. It's because we're going against
6:52
ourselves. The pandemic isn't the first time people were
6:55
wearing masks. We are trained to wear masks, socialized mask and
6:59
not be our authentic self. Since being children fall in line,
7:03
fall in the box, don't be different, different is weird.
7:06
And again, our brains want to protect us and also our
7:09
caregivers are trying to protect us, as far as not being
7:12
different right fit in the box. So you'll be accepted. So you
7:15
won't be ostracized. But even though it's like some part of
7:18
our lower brain has the same survival mechanism, like were
7:21
being rejected, back in the cave woman caveman days, it meant
7:25
that we would die because the lions and tigers and bears would
7:28
get us. But the thing is, is that no one is training us that,
7:33
again, to tap into our uniqueness and all that other
7:35
stuff. Because what's so interesting to me is that
7:38
celebrities are always celebrated for their uniqueness.
7:42
But I know for me growing up if I if I wore something different,
7:46
or I would be made fun of whether it's family members,
7:49
friends, or just even people at school, but then if x celebrity,
7:53
does it, oh, you see Beyonce, she's so innovative. I mean,
7:56
like I did that when I was like five and as far as the style,
8:01
but those are our gifts and talents. And again, I think some
8:04
of it is us just going against our authentic self and not not
8:09
learning to trust ourselves. So when you said is, was it hard
8:13
for me? No, it actually, that's probably the most aligned I've
8:17
ever felt in my life. Because again, I was good at math and
8:22
science, right? But I didn't want to live there doing the
8:25
type of work I was doing, even though being good at it.
8:29
Shirani Pathak: Well, thank you for sharing that experience,
8:30
right? You sign that's so powerful, because we need more
8:34
examples of people like you who do feel that actually this was
8:38
the easiest most align thing for me to do, right? Because you
8:42
talked about that program that our lower brain has, like we are
8:45
so wired for survival, we're so wired to stay safe and not be
8:50
ousted from the community not be ousted from the group, do
8:52
whatever we can to belong, right? Even if that means
8:55
continuing wearing the masks and so to hear you say and share
8:59
your experience of actually, like it was the most aligned and
9:04
easiest thing for me to do because I was finally coming
9:07
into myself. And so thank you for sharing that because I
9:10
really do think we need more voices and more experiences like
9:13
that and and examples that it doesn't have to be a struggle. I
9:17
don't know, I'm just a struggler it's just like an identity. I'm
9:20
working on letting go because everything feels like always the
9:24
constant that was an ego deaths of like all the past identities,
9:28
right? And I appreciate to how you said that it actually you
9:31
get to a certain age where you just can't deny that well, that
9:36
nagging feeling that's like yeah, you're not in your aligned
9:40
place.
9:42
Riessa: Yeah, and just honestly, developing that relationship
9:45
with me. Because, like, what I mean that it was easy for me
9:48
because if my relationship with me, that was the easy part. When
9:54
I think about all the other people's opinions that becomes
9:57
that's when it becomes scary, right? Because even if being a
9:59
life coach, a real profession or whatever, whatever its thoughts
10:03
people may have. But it was me caring more about my own opinion
10:07
of myself than other people.
10:10
Shirani Pathak: That is so good. So good.
10:14
Riessa: The thing is, is our caregivers, when we're taught as
10:17
kids, it never comes back to us as far as like, it's like mommy,
10:20
daddy, caregiver, whoever Aren't you proud of me, they never
10:23
focus it back to us to actually care or in and have opinions
10:27
about ourselves. But if we're honest about that, I don't know
10:30
if it's ever happened to you. If your hair you don't think it
10:33
looks good. And then everyone tells you it looks good. You're
10:36
like, whatever. You don't believe them. Because it's
10:38
really our own opinion that matters. That's why sometimes
10:42
even when we're inundated with all these compliments, it feels
10:45
good until we're not around them. They're like, Oh, yeah, I
10:48
don't believe anything that they were saying. But to bring it
10:53
back to the conversation we were having a few weeks ago about
10:56
legacy, because I look good for my age. I look young for my age,
11:00
right? But I'm 46 years old. And I think we started talking about
11:04
having kids. And then we started talking about what legacy
11:07
actually is. And for me what legacy is. It's people can have
11:12
children but legacy is also leaving thought processes
11:16
behind, right, because I know on your broadcasts, you talk about
11:19
patriarchy, white supremacy, it didn't matter about all the
11:22
kids, because I don't know if Gandhi had children. I don't
11:25
know if all the greats, right, we don't talk about their kids.
11:29
We talk about them, right. And the thought process that they
11:32
were able to share with other people then started taking on I
11:36
don't even know their kids names. Like, okay, or let's
11:40
think about Oprah people who love Oprah, she has no children,
11:43
children have nothing to do with it. So good or bad, the legacy
11:47
is left in the thought process. That is where the true DNA is.
11:51
And that can go beyond because I can only birth but so many
11:54
children. But as far as the thought process is being left
11:57
behind, and the DNA and how that can have been a trickle down
12:00
effect that is more than just having children.
12:05
Shirani Pathak: And I love that you say that. And you point out
12:07
these greats, right as you call them, because you're absolutely
12:11
right. And, you know, I'm sitting here and I'm thinking,
12:14
and I'm in my own process of deconditioning decolonizing and
12:18
unbecoming right now as I'm listening to you, because as I'm
12:21
listening to you, I'm realizing in my brain, I have had the
12:24
programming that legacy is about children. But then when you
12:27
think about it, that actually plays very much into the
12:30
colonial capitalist, industrialist, toxic white
12:32
supremacist culture. Because why is legacy children well legacy
12:36
as children so that we have more humans to be cogs in the machine
12:40
and produce for someone else's profit and gain so and
12:43
especially when you talk about these, like Gandhi or you didn't
12:46
say this, but like mother Teresa or Oprah? Absolutely, these are
12:50
people who they are the legacy, they do live that legacy. These
12:56
are thought leaders, these are people who are going against
13:00
systems and against status quo, maybe still operating within the
13:04
system in some ways. And on the other hand, the legacies that
13:08
they're leaving, I didn't get here just from nowhere, I am
13:12
standing upon the work of so many who came before me, and I
13:17
am grateful for that. And they, you know, these greats that
13:20
you've named, there are some of the people that have laid those
13:23
foundational bricks for me to stand upon today, as I continue
13:28
to do this work as well.
13:29
Riessa: Oh, yeah, absolutely. And just understanding that
13:33
impact, because those greats, they weren't necessarily in your
13:37
lineage, but yet, we're able to still lay that foundation, as
13:41
you said, and even some of these really wealthy people, I forget
13:45
who I didn't look it up, but they're not necessarily leaving
13:47
all their riches to their kids. And one of the reasons why they
13:51
do that is just because also just leaving money to your kids
13:54
without the thought process is an injustice. And that's why
13:58
those families ended up losing the money for that particular
14:01
reason, because all they did was leave them money. And they
14:04
didn't leave them the thought process.
14:08
Shirani Pathak: Yes. And last year, I think it was last. Oh,
14:11
actually, by the time this goes out, it will have been 2021. And
14:15
new framework for fierce authenticity dropped in. And I
14:19
was like, What is fierce authenticity really? Well, it
14:21
wasn't a framework, there's like a formula. And the formula is
14:25
heart work. Plus somatic work equals a new legacy. And that's
14:31
why I was so excited to invite you on to have this conversation
14:34
because for me the heart work is really the we're healing those
14:39
relationships with Source self and others and we're getting
14:43
into right relationship with ourselves with other people
14:46
around us with the divine source of something greater than us. We
14:49
have to do that work plus we have to do the somatic work
14:53
which is getting in touch with what is our body telling us what
14:57
are the messages our nervous systems giving us what is my
15:00
lower brain that threat and survival oriented part of my
15:04
brain telling me? And is that true? Am I still living in that
15:08
moment right now? Or is this a different moment in my brain's
15:12
alarm system is just going on. And from the combination of
15:15
getting into right relationship with others, and getting into
15:18
relationship with ourselves and our bodies. That's how we create
15:21
this new legacy. And to me, the heart work and the somatic work
15:25
really changes. And I love how you already went there literally
15:29
changes our DNA, because we are now no longer getting triggered
15:35
by the same things that perhaps our ancestors were conditioned
15:39
to get triggered by, and therefore we don't have to pass
15:43
that down. It is no longer a part of our wiring to get
15:48
activated by something that is no longer a threat today.
15:53
Riessa: Oh, yeah, absolutely. And even teaching those things
15:55
to other people that aren't your children. But the impact is such
15:58
it's so great. So even just to minimize legacy to children, it
16:02
minimizes our impact. And we're actually on this earth to do.
16:07
Shirani Pathak: There's another one of those truth bomb moments,
16:10
that when we limit it to our children, we limit the impact.
16:15
And, you know, this is one of the things I love about the work
16:18
that I do. And I know the work that you do, and so many people
16:22
who are in my sphere do is we work with the one person, but it
16:28
ripples out and touches every single person that person
16:34
touches, it touches their co workers, their colleagues, their
16:38
bosses, the teams, they lead the checker at the grocery store,
16:42
the barista at Starbucks, right? Like it touches all of these
16:47
people. And so even if you're listening in and you're like,
16:52
Ooh, I'm not here to leave a big global legacy. Right? That might
16:55
be scary. And that might not be everybody's path. But just the
16:59
fact that doing this work, is that ripple that touches
17:04
everybody in this way, like that is the legacy.
17:08
Riessa: Absolutely. And I think sometimes that we as people
17:11
don't understand the impact we're already having on people's
17:14
lives, just because we don't hear about it, right.
17:16
Unfortunately, people will hear about it at their funerals or
17:19
after they pass. Oh my gosh, remember that time we don't, I
17:22
think we should actually have funerals when we're living. So
17:24
we can hear that. And we can know that how much we are
17:27
actually loved. I actually went to a funeral with an old family
17:31
friend. And I heard from their daughter, when I was 12 years
17:34
old, I used to take the five year old daughter to the park
17:37
and it meant so much to her. She's now 29 telling me this
17:41
about what that meant. And that's a little small thing. But
17:44
I'm just saying even as for her to bring that up to me, it must
17:48
have meant something to her. I don't even know the scope for
17:50
that, or how that impacts or shows up in her life. But the
17:53
thing is, is as us as people are already having impact, we may
17:57
never see or never understand that. But we don't understand
18:00
how we can have such a greater impact. And that is not to scare
18:05
people with responsibility. But the fact that literally, we are
18:08
gifted and talented already have everything we need in order to
18:12
do that. It's just stepping into that, and no longer being afraid
18:16
of our own powers, our own gifts, almost like because that
18:19
was a thing for me. Growing up, I felt like I always was created
18:23
to great things in my life. But I was the little girl who felt
18:26
my powers would hurt me and others around me. Don't ask me
18:29
how or why, or what that would actually look like. I didn't
18:33
know but I was afraid of me. So as a result, I played small, and
18:37
I wasn't stepping into those gifts, those talents and
18:40
everything else can I think, can I I can dance okay, but you know
18:44
what I mean? I'm not that but that I really truly believe
18:49
everyone was born with gifts and talents. But we have a tendency
18:52
to play small and shy away from that as if it was scary and not
18:56
understanding. Even with those gifts and talents, we can have
18:59
even a greater impact. But we're already having an impact because
19:02
someone else is watching our life. And we are being an
19:05
example of something.
19:07
Shirani Pathak: Right? Whether that be to, as I said, a co
19:11
worker, a colleague, a team member that you lead, or the guy
19:15
that you hold the door open for randomly. And I had that
19:18
experience yesterday and it really made me pause to think
19:21
like I was in a parking lot that in the strip mall going to pick
19:25
up pizza, it was Friday night. And so it was going to pick up
19:27
pizza and the parking lot was a cluster mess and I was feeling a
19:32
little flustered because there was people traffic and car
19:35
traffic and it was just really congested and messy and it was
19:38
like really triggering some anxiety in me. And I was like
19:41
let me just go and get this pizza and get out of here right
19:43
so I'm kind of in this flustered space anyway. And so I walk in
19:47
the pizza place, I get my pizza I walk out and normally I'd hold
19:52
the door open for people because that's the kind of thing to do.
19:55
That's a way that we have impact on people without knowing it and
19:59
I I was so flustered. And so in a rush, I was like, I just want
20:02
to get out of here, like get in my car and just get out of here
20:05
and go home and eat my pizza. I'm getting hangry. Right. And
20:08
so I didn't hold the door open. And it took me a few steps
20:13
before I realized that there was an elderly gentleman about to
20:16
walk in to the pizza place. And I was like, I turned around, and
20:21
I said, I am so sorry, I did not see you there. And it took him
20:25
about, like a couple seconds to register that I was talking to
20:28
him. And he's like, Oh, don't worry about it. Right. And he
20:31
had this big smile on his face. And it really made me pause and
20:35
think about how in especially with ageism, and how invisible
20:41
elderly people are to most of us, in our culture in this white
20:46
supremacist, patriarchal society. And I just felt so
20:49
touched. I was like, wow, what if more of us turned around and
20:54
just held the door and smiled at someone or said, Hey, sorry, I
20:57
didn't see you there and offered them a smile. And then they
21:00
smiled back. That is part of leaving a legacy right there.
21:05
And you know, I don't know if it's coming across. But a part
21:07
of me is almost like tearing up as I'm like retelling the story.
21:10
Because it was such a special moment, you know, and it felt
21:14
like a connection was made with another human being this person.
21:18
Yes, they may have been invisible when I was in my own
21:21
flustered moment. And when my brain came back online, it was
21:25
like, oh, there's an actual human here. Oh, my gosh, I
21:29
didn't hold the door open. Anybody just kept walking. But
21:32
something moved me to turn around and say, I didn't see
21:36
you. I'm so sorry.
21:38
Riessa: No, but I think is like even we were telling this before
21:41
you mentioned connection. That's what I saw as far as connection,
21:44
right? Because especially in this western society, we're all
21:47
supposed to be individual, and like all of us, are, are
21:51
connected, regardless of what we think. Right? Because we all
21:54
come from the same place. But we're denying that a lot of us
21:58
just want to be seen because what you did was you saw him.
22:02
And you seeing him, you saw the connection between you die. And
22:07
I really do believe and I've seen stories on Instagram,
22:09
people are just walking around every day, and just want to be
22:13
seen.
22:13
Shirani Pathak: Well, and it's interesting that you mentioned
22:15
that because we actually have someone in our live studio
22:19
audience whose whole work in this world is about helping in
22:23
particular Black women be seen Miss Chasten I know she will
22:27
come on later when it's time for the live interactive portion of
22:31
our call today. And that's also the sub what's the sub headline,
22:37
my first book show up be seen? Get love, right? Like, because
22:42
that is all any of us want to do. We want to be seen, we want
22:45
to be heard we want to be understood. For who we
22:49
authentically are?
22:50
Riessa: Yes.
22:51
Shirani Pathak: And so when you were touching upon that earlier,
22:53
I really love that because it brings it back to how we have
22:57
been socialized and conditioned out of it. And you know, I'm
23:01
thinking of Gabor Mate, Dr. Gabor Mate. And he talks about
23:05
authenticity is our connection to ourself, humans, we have two
23:11
needs. And that is the need to be connected with others and
23:16
connected with ourselves. That is really how survival works.
23:21
Our connection with ourselves our own authenticity is severed,
23:25
when we grow up in environments where they're like, you know,
23:28
the sky is blue, but they're telling you the sky is green.
23:32
And you're like that's not right. But they told me the sky
23:35
is green. So the sky must be green. So I must be wrong and
23:38
the sky must not be blue. And that cuts us off. It severs us
23:42
from our connection with ourselves. And that's how
23:46
authenticity is so challenging for so many of us. And then you
23:51
talk Riessa about the masks that we were that we ended up putting
23:56
on. And that is what I feel into as I deepen into that
24:00
conversation.
24:02
Riessa: Absolutely. As far as, like you mentioned, authenticity
24:06
for that reason can feel scary because we're taught at a young
24:10
age, like you mentioned with that whole analogy. They say the
24:13
sky is green, so it must be green. So not only am I wrong,
24:17
but I can't trust myself.
24:18
Shirani Pathak: Yes!
24:20
Riessa: I see something but it can't be right.
24:22
Shirani Pathak: Yes, one that is I think the work that we all do
24:25
right I know I do this work I know you do this work is really
24:30
helping clients get back into relationship with themselves and
24:35
with that inner trust their inner knowing, and I can trust
24:39
myself.
24:41
Riessa: And I can have my back because it's so it's so easy to
24:45
be somewhere I'm like, oh I have my friends back or I have my
24:48
significant others back. But can we have our own back? Because
24:52
trust can feel scary when we think we're going to do it
24:55
wrong. If I make a left turn and I should have made a right turn
24:58
or I got lost when That was driving somewhere, am I going to
25:01
beat myself up? Or am I going to comfort and have compassion and
25:05
grace for myself that it's okay. And I will get to my
25:08
destination, even if it's the very scenic route.
25:17
Shirani Pathak: Hey, friend, if you're enjoying what you're
25:19
hearing, and you want to get in on more amazing life changing
25:22
tips on how to show up as your most embodied and authentic
25:26
self, and still have amazing relationships, then come on over
25:31
and join me in my free email community. As a bonus, when you
25:35
sign up, during season four, you'll get the opportunity to
25:39
join me live for these podcast recordings, just like we're
25:43
doing here, where you'll have an opportunity to ask me questions,
25:47
and get coached live by me all simply for being a part of the
25:52
fierce authenticity community. Visit Shiranimpathak.com/connect
25:59
to sign up. Again, that's Shiranimpathak.com/connect to
26:05
sign up. The link is in the show notes. And I am excited to see
26:10
you on the inside.
26:16
And trusting coming back to something that you said earlier
26:19
that you took that quote unquote wrong turn by design, right?
26:23
Because it's already written in the Book of Riessa or the book
26:28
of Shirani, or the book of friend listening to us right
26:32
now. It's already written in there. And, you know, I kind of
26:36
want to take us there for a few moments. Tell us more about
26:41
that, your thoughts around that and how you work and support
26:45
clients with that,
26:46
Riessa: Again, a lot of us are working with clients just to
26:49
figure out why they do what they do. Because if we're honest,
26:53
even a lot of us what are some of our professions, when I was
26:55
growing up, there were only so many professions to choose from.
26:58
It's not necessarily what I wanted to do. It was just one of
27:01
the options that I selected. And I was told it was a good one. So
27:04
it's just working with my clients figuring it out. Well,
27:07
it's also working with my clients to know it's safe for
27:11
them to have desires. Because I never forget when I was doing
27:14
this work, and someone asked me well, what do you want? That was
27:18
so scary to me. I was like I don't even know. Because
27:20
according to everybody else's manual for my life, I should
27:23
want the house the husband, the kids live in this house, do this
27:26
do that there's a checkbox, but to know that there's safety in
27:31
literally what I want. And sometimes that starts as basic
27:34
as What do you want for dinner? What do you want to do Saturday
27:38
at one o'clock, just honestly, honoring that part of yourself
27:43
without judgment, because a lot of us have, again, those
27:46
caretakers or in our mind or whatever, that it actually
27:49
judges us and stops us from doing stuff. Oh, that's dumb.
27:52
That's stupid. Right? Like, even you mentioned me taking drums. I
27:56
read at 46 years old, I said, I'm gonna learn how to play
27:59
drums. And the reason why I did that I was having a conversation
28:02
with myself. What do I want to do? I want to learn how to play
28:04
drums. Why? Cuz I want to. And honestly, sometimes we are so
28:10
especially women tend to attend to everyone's needs. What do you
28:13
want? What do you want? What do you want? I want what you want?
28:17
No, it's safe. Knowing that one, it's safe for them to want. And
28:21
those they were given those desires. And the desires most
28:25
likely won't match what everybody else wants. And that's
28:27
okay. I don't care if you're 55 years old and you want to play
28:30
with Legos, it doesn't matter. There is no wrong answer.
28:34
Because Okay, that's dumb. That's stupid, according to
28:37
whose standards because if we're honest with ourselves, we
28:40
automatically think, Oh, I like this. Well, do you really like
28:44
it? Or were we programmed to like it? Who standards and it's
28:48
okay, if hey, I want to do something and maybe the masses
28:52
does like it. That's fine. As long as we're just being honest
28:54
with ourselves, but understanding there is no wrong
28:58
answer. Because me playing drums at 46 years old. I even like to
29:02
hold up a book. According to my design books. Yep, it's right
29:05
here. Me being 46 years old. I have no kids. I'm currently not
29:09
married. Yes. That's per my design. And that's all good.
29:14
Because the thing is, is that a lot of the time we have
29:16
judgment, and we have all this shame, because I'm comparing my
29:21
life to someone else at 46 I should be married and 46 I
29:25
should have kids. I should have this should should, should
29:28
should. Who says who's like Disney movies will teach us you
29:34
do this and you will have happily ever after. That doesn't
29:37
even ever exist. Right? Marketing tells us we oh I
29:40
should buy these jeans. I should do this and then I'll be happy.
29:43
The human experience is about all the emotion. All of them. I
29:47
like to call them comfortable and uncomfortable. Not even
29:50
necessarily positive and negative. Because even me being
29:52
sad is not negative. I'm sad for whatever reason. That's okay.
29:57
That's like part of the experience. My dog dies I don't
30:00
want to be happy about it. Oh, it's so heavy Lassie's gone?
30:04
Yeah. Like that would be weird.
30:09
Shirani Pathak: First of all, for the folks who are listening
30:11
in to the audio version of the podcast who didn't see what you
30:14
were doing, like, I love the visual of what you just gave
30:18
Riessa, where you're like, oh, playing drums at 46, like
30:22
literally the action of holding open up book, scrolling through
30:27
it and finding the part in the book and pointing to it that
30:30
says, oh, Riessa play drums at 46 or flipping through that book
30:35
and tell us right, so do you have a literal book that you
30:38
use? Or do you use your hand like your hand?
30:40
Riessa: Well, sometimes it all depends. Sometimes I use my
30:42
hand, sometimes I have a binder I actually have. I don't have it
30:45
with me. And I made it says made per your design in the thing.
30:50
That's just because of a simple fact that anything we purchase
30:53
has a design book or handbook or whatever and how it's supposed
30:56
to operate. Right? So if I try to use that hammer to warm up my
31:00
food, people be like, that doesn't make sense, right? It's
31:03
not part of the design. So who's to say that I'm supposed to have
31:06
children who's supposed to say that I'm supposed to have
31:09
whatever, whatever, even long hair right now I choose to have
31:11
short hair. That's what I want. That's what I'm gonna do. Right?
31:14
But I'm not I wasn't designed to have and no one was designed to
31:19
live in this box that colonialism, patriarchy. And all
31:23
these other systems have told us we're supposed to even with the
31:26
education system, literally, everyone doesn't even learn the
31:29
same way.
31:30
Shirani Pathak: Yeah, well, and I just I'm having this idea as
31:33
I'm hearing you of creating a notebook that is the book of
31:36
Shirani, the book of Shirani, the design of Shirani. And
31:40
writing these things down and then pulling out that book and
31:44
being like, yep, quit being a therapist, age 38. Yep. Okay,
31:49
there it is. Here it is, in the book really launch full into the
31:52
coaching, consulting, teaching, leading, facilitating Oh, going
31:56
full time all in 2023. Yep. That's why she did that. Like, I
32:00
just love the idea of that. And I love how it takes away the
32:04
judgment and the shame. You know, when you talked about,
32:08
like, the criticism and comparison, and those are some
32:11
of the things you know, I've been working on, like a list of
32:13
seven deadly sins type things for fierce authenticity and
32:17
judgment, criticism, shame and blame are definitely on there.
32:20
And just this idea of just opening up the book and being
32:23
like, yep, here's my divine design. This is how I was
32:26
created. It totally disarms. All of the shame.
32:31
Riessa: And this is all part of the story. So you're no one's
32:34
behind, like, Oh, I'm so behind who says, let's look, look at
32:38
the book. Because 38 no longer a full time therapist, you're
32:41
right on track lot like going in on your business, you're right
32:46
on track. Sometimes in the present, we forget about
32:49
everything we've accomplished, because how cool the story is
32:52
this, right? So you're looking back five years from now, how
32:55
cool was it that now I'm no longer a full time therapist, I
32:59
owe NYU all this money. And I still did it. I still did it.
33:03
And it all makes sense now, because when we're in it, it
33:06
doesn't we can't see how the dots are connected. It's only in
33:09
retrospect that we can actually see the picture. And so it all
33:15
makes sense.
33:16
Shirani Pathak: Yeah. Which is why I love this idea for myself.
33:19
Like we're recording this right before my winter break. And
33:22
it'll be released at the end of January. And I already see this
33:26
beautiful exercise for me for the couple of weeks that I'm off
33:29
is really creating this, the book of Shirani like my design
33:34
and documenting these key pivotal moments, because I love
33:37
what you're saying like you're not behind by whose standards by
33:41
what, and I think this loops us right back around to our legacy,
33:47
no matter what legacy that is really leaving behind, right?
33:50
Because our legacy is also in that book of design, like the
33:54
divine design of who Shirani is who Riessa who Chasten is who
33:58
Vani is who anyone else listening in on this is right.
34:01
So
34:02
Riessa: And understanding we will never know the impact of
34:05
that legacy. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up well, I can't
34:09
see it. I'm not making a difference. I but the reality is
34:12
we will never know the true impact. For instance, you
34:16
mentioned Mother Teresa and her work and Gandhi and his work.
34:20
Did he know the ripple down effect? No, he literally wasn't
34:23
eating. He was on a hunger strike. Did he know what exactly
34:28
what would happen? No. And there's so many other people
34:31
that came before us that have no idea what their impact actually
34:35
what it actually had. And it can be multiple generations. But
34:40
it's so easy for us to walk around like we're insignificant
34:43
right because the world will try to tell us that but again, if we
34:47
go into our design, we are significant every single person
34:51
who was hearing this or listening to this or watching
34:54
this is significant because her our design not To anyone elses
35:01
again, like I said, if I compare the hammer to a microwave, it
35:04
wouldn't make sense. But who am I to compare myself to anyone
35:07
else because I am made and just like you, the listener is made
35:12
per your design. And then sometimes it could be like, I
35:16
don't know what that is. And that is what's so important.
35:18
It's even with our work, and we can help people uncover what
35:22
those things are.
35:23
Shirani Pathak: I feel like we're getting ready to wind down
35:25
here in that visual that you just gave him the hammer in the
35:29
microwave. The hammer is not wrong for being a hammer. And
35:32
the microwave is not wrong for being a microwave, right, they
35:34
each have their role, they each have their purpose, they each
35:38
have their duty, they each do different things to help keep
35:42
our world going round, right to help us build shelter, and also
35:47
keep us you know, we really eat our food, if we are privileged
35:51
enough to have a microwave in our home, or if we choose to for
35:53
a long time, I didn't have a microwave. And I think that's
35:55
beautiful. And I think the really important thing for us to
35:59
hone in on here, as we start wrapping up this portion of the
36:02
call is the part that you are not insignificant and the impact
36:08
you have and the legacy you leave is not insignificant just
36:13
because you can't see it. Coming back to the example with that
36:16
elderly gentleman yesterday. I don't know if he was having a
36:19
bad day. I don't know if he was having a good day. I don't know
36:21
if he was gonna go home and eat this pizza and then like wallow
36:25
in misery or blow his brains out? I have no idea or if he was
36:28
going home to a family event, and I don't know, right. But
36:33
what I do know is that interaction, that connection
36:37
right there that being seen right there. I know that change
36:42
something even though I don't know what it looks like
36:45
throughout the rest of his day, or throughout the rest of his
36:48
life. And so I think it's really important that we recognize that
36:52
we may never know, especially when you take into account all
36:56
of the humans we do engage with all day, every day, we have that
37:01
many opportunities to leave our legacy.
37:04
Riessa: Absolutely.
37:06
Shirani Pathak: And Riessa as we wrap up this portion of our
37:09
conversation, is there anything else that is on your heart that
37:13
has to get out right now before we shift over to the q&a
37:17
coaching portion of our call?
37:19
Riessa: No, just to sum it up. I mean, as far as embracing your
37:22
own design, even your own quirkiness, your own desires,
37:27
just know that you are right on track. And for anyone else to
37:30
tell you you're not on track. Have them pull out your design.
37:34
They don't have it. So how could they say Colonel Sanders was
37:38
like six years old knocking on people's doors about his chicken
37:41
recipe and knocking over 1000? Before he got he said gotta Yes.
37:45
And people eat KFC? I'm not endorsing it. I'm just giving an
37:48
example.
37:52
Shirani Pathak: Yeah, no, I love that and embracing your own
37:55
design that you're right on track. And also something I
37:59
wrote down earlier, which is that there is safety and what I
38:01
want.
38:02
Riessa: Absolutely.
38:04
Shirani Pathak: How powerful if we all knew that, if we all knew
38:08
that these systems would collapse in a heartbeat, right?
38:12
There is safety and what I want, because most of the time what
38:16
most of us want is not informed bound by the confines of the
38:22
conformity Chasten popped into the chat. Your safety demands
38:26
what you want. Yes, absolutely. And oh my gosh, this was so
38:30
good. And I know we can go on and on. And I definitely want to
38:33
give our live audience an opportunity to pop in to ask any
38:40
questions. What I will ask is that if you could raise your
38:45
hand, and then I will call on you. I see someone has a hand
38:50
raised. Chasten, go for it. Hello, hello Miss Chasten.
38:54
Chaston: Hi. I just wanted to thank you for this conversation.
38:59
And this reframing right, cuz it's just been such, you know,
39:05
I've always said I've never had a strong desire to have
39:09
biological children one day I might foster or adopt, but
39:15
there's just been this thought and this belief that I've had
39:18
that hit hasn't felt good and my body feeling oh my god, but
39:23
Well, this is like hyping myself up. But it's such good DNA. Like
39:26
why don't I want to pass it on? My mom and dad's DNA is lit my
39:32
DNA is lit is it just gonna end here. But I've never felt that
39:38
call I've felt like the people of the world are my call. And
39:44
just hearing you drop in Oprah Gandhi, Mother Teresa, all of
39:49
these thought leaders that have had massive wide impacts that
39:54
don't have children. He's just created this reframe. For me.
39:58
That is just It just relieved a lot of internal suffering that I
40:03
was inflicting upon myself that I was like, I know, I believe
40:06
this, but why can't I feel it in my body, because I'm such a body
40:11
person. And so I guess my thinking was like, well, if I'm
40:15
doing all this work to unravel all this tension in my body, and
40:19
it's passed through the DNA, that am I not fulfilling my work
40:22
by not passing it on to like my biological children's DNA, so
40:27
they get to feel even more open in their bodies. So they get to
40:31
be born with even less trauma in their DNA, but just the thought
40:36
of being able to create that impact with any human that I
40:41
come into contact with, it doesn't have to be someone who's
40:44
come through my womb, that I'm still creating the same effect
40:49
of unraveling tension from the body and creating more breath in
40:54
the body. And then whoever comes through their womb is going to
40:57
have the gift of that, and so on and so forth. Not only that, it
41:01
doesn't have to just transfer biologically it can transfer
41:06
energetically. And that's just given me a lot of peace. So this
41:13
is just like a big, resounding Thank you. Because this is a
41:17
question that I've been toiling with for a really long time. And
41:20
like the a, like, I sat down with this conversation, like,
41:22
should I freeze my eggs, like, I'm 37, I don't have kids, but
41:27
just like feeling pressure, and now I'm like, okay. My eggs are
41:35
free for everyone everywhere at all times, you know, like, I got
41:40
energetic eggs, and they are gifts out and for the world. So
41:47
just very grateful for this conversation. I was really
41:50
excited to hear what came through and the reframes that
41:55
you offered, really grounded in my body for me, so I'm very
41:59
Shirani Pathak: Well, thank you for being here and Chasten and
41:59
appreciative.
42:03
hearing you speak and think about all the ways that even the
42:07
work that you do in the world, and even the way that you just
42:10
are, you're very being impacting the nervous systems of those
42:13
around you, especially the work that you do working with Black
42:16
women, to help them be seen and to live audaciously and to feel
42:23
safety in that this part of the legacy that you're leaving
42:29
behind. And I think that's the thing that people don't
42:32
understand. And that I wish more people knew is how much power
42:39
our nervous systems have over us and over other people, because
42:46
we are social, emotional creatures, humans are wired this
42:52
way. Our brains are literally wired to feed off of whatever
42:58
energy we're in. Riessa, was there anything you wanted to
43:02
say?
43:03
Riessa: Oh, the thing is, Chasten, when you were talking
43:05
about my DNA, so awesome, I should want to have children
43:08
totally had that thought I can totally understand. I can
43:12
totally relate to that. But just understanding our impact is so
43:15
much greater than if I had one or two or even five kids.
43:20
Chaston: There was definitely a feeling that I was doing all of
43:23
my prior ancestors a disservice by not continuing.
43:26
Riessa: But you know what? So I don't know if Harriet Tubman had
43:28
kids, but I don't know them. Harriet Tubman, it freed over
43:33
300 slaves, right? And led them to read them. But what was that
43:38
impact to those 300 and the many more that she may have
43:41
influenced, versus Even now she she did have children--
43:45
Chaston: She left them.
43:46
Riessa: Yeah, that's what I mean, so I'm just like, I don't
43:49
know anything about her children. But I know her and
43:52
even what Gandhi I don't know if he if he had kids. And I don't
43:54
know the impact that actually having I know the impact he
43:57
actually had on the country and even beyond those borders. So
44:00
the thing is that even for those who choose to have children,
44:03
just understand the opportunities for legacy is
44:05
beyond the children because even if I did have kids, and I just
44:09
had two kids, and that was my sole legacy, that would be
44:12
injustice for all the gifts and talents that I have to have
44:15
beyond that.
44:16
Chaston: Yeah, yeah, that way of thinking of oh, gosh, like
44:21
everything that they went through to get us here and I'm
44:24
just gonna stop it. It's like no, you're continuing it
44:27
exponentially and you're choosing to harness your energy
44:31
to be able to do so because for me, I know that I can't do my
44:36
work and mother and I'm maybe that's a you know, disempowering
44:42
thought but I have I'm immunocompromised and sleep
44:45
deprivation is threatening to my life. So I choose myself and my
44:51
work consciously and intentionally. And it for so
44:57
long. I just felt like, gosh, am I letting my whole family down.
45:02
Riessa: How about in the choices that you have made? How? What
45:05
are ways that you're not letting your family down? By doing this
45:08
exact work?
45:09
Chaston: Exactly, exactly. Even if it's something that they
45:13
can't understand or see,
45:15
Riessa: no, I know. But I'm just saying, once you get the
45:18
attention and all this other stuff I always knew she was
45:20
doing with family. No, seriously, I always knew you
45:24
would make it. What you told me at Thanksgiving, no, but
45:27
honestly, that so many times family think that again, you
45:31
know how like, our brain tries to protect us, our family is
45:34
doing it and all the time. Well, sometimes they're also
45:37
projecting their own disbelief about themselves, right? So it's
45:39
not so much that they don't think you can is that they don't
45:42
think they can. But it ends up speaking why I don't understand
45:45
this. I don't understand why you don't get a real job or
45:48
whatever. They're just talking from their own programming. But
45:52
in you succeeding in what you do, and whatever success looks
45:55
like to you, you are again, setting an example for them as
45:58
far as what's possible.
46:00
Chaston: Yeah. Sure.
46:02
Shirani Pathak: And Chasten, I just want to thank you for your
46:06
honesty and your vulnerability and sharing with all of us right
46:10
that and I am not gonna lie that is secretly the exact things
46:15
that you said are secretly why I invited Riessa onto the podcast
46:20
so that we could have this conversation because I too have
46:23
had very similar thoughts. I'm doing all this fucking work like
46:27
changing all these family legacies. For what if I do
46:32
choose that you to not procreate the human babies and, and so
46:37
yeah, secretly that is also why not so secret anymore. But that
46:42
is why I did invite Riessa to join us. And so thank you again
46:46
for allowing yourself to be seen and held here in the space of
46:51
our community. Chasten Thank you.
46:54
Chaston: Thanks for creating the space and starting the
46:56
conversation because as soon as I saw legacies, I was like,
47:00
they're just this big thing that just nags underneath, you know,
47:07
the surface.
47:08
Shirani Pathak: And you know, I'm gonna put you on the spot
47:11
right here, chest and I'm gonna invite you to put in a plug for
47:14
all those people who are not here in our community yet coming
47:16
to our live calls, what do they need to hear, tell them what
47:19
they need to hear Chasten, which obviously, is get their butt in
47:22
here right now.
47:25
Chaston: Get your butt in here right now, because we are doing
47:30
progressive work evolving the human species forward. By
47:37
leaning into what you guys were talking about before connection,
47:42
connection, we're so disconnected. And the only way
47:47
we continue to evolve is by connecting back with ourselves
47:51
and connecting back with each other, which is our natural
47:54
state of inter connectedness we are community species through
48:00
and through, and we thrive in community as long as we are
48:05
individualist, we are going to continue to be in a state of
48:09
survival.
48:10
Shirani Pathak: Oh, fire right there. Oh, yes. And again,
48:16
friend, the link to join us because your attendance and your
48:20
participation here at least for season four, it is a benefit, a
48:25
perk of you being in our complimentary email community.
48:29
None of our live audience members pay a cent to come here
48:33
and participate and receive these transmissions and these
48:38
messages. And I want this for you. I want you to be here, I
48:41
want you to experience this so fierceauthenticity.com, scroll
48:46
down to the button that says Get my emails. And that is the only
48:49
way to get invitations to our community gatherings like this.
48:54
So thank you, Chaston. We do have another community member on
48:59
the line. Go ahead and unmute yourself if you have a question
49:04
or a comment anything that you'd like to share.
49:07
Vani: Hi. So Riessa, thank you for being here today. I'm
49:14
grateful that you mentioned and that we keep bringing the
49:17
conversation back to kids or like our kids are only legacy,
49:21
which I think is funny because I'm currently pregnant and
49:24
thinking about what's my legacy? What am I going to leave behind
49:28
for my kids? What can I do differently for my kid that my
49:33
parents didn't do for me? What can I do differently for my
49:38
future generations and hopefully bring that forward? Through my
49:42
child to the rest of the generations in my family? Like,
49:47
I know my my sister doesn't want to have kids and that's fine.
49:52
That's totally fine. You can help me raise mine.
49:57
Shirani Pathak: I don't know yet. It's still undecided. Okay.
50:00
Vani: But I think it's amazing because I'm like, what work am I
50:03
doing in myself now and part of that is understanding that I'm
50:08
most at peace in my solitude. I am most at peace with myself.
50:13
And because of that I can be present for my loved ones when
50:17
I'm with them, or when they need and if I don't have time to
50:21
myself, I am the grumpiest, nastiest, meanest bitch I know.
50:27
Shirani Pathak: I can vouch for that. For those of you who
50:30
haven't picked up on it yet, this is my sister Vani right
50:34
here on the line.
50:36
Vani: So thank you for bringing up children and reminding us
50:41
that our children are not our legacy. It's what it's the
50:45
impact that we have, in general, because like you said, Harriet
50:49
Tubman, mother, Teresa Gandhi, what we don't know their kids. I
50:54
mean, Mother Teresa, I assume doesn't have kids because she
50:57
wasn't nun But I don't know that for sure. But thank you. Thank
51:00
you for being here today. And thank you, Chasten, for the
51:02
conversation that that ensued here today. I really grateful to
51:07
be part of it.
51:08
Shirani Pathak: And thank you for being here. And in case it
51:11
wasn't clear to anyone listening or watching. That is my dearly
51:15
beloved sister, Ms. Vani Pathak, who is also our wonderful
51:21
transcript proofreader, formatter she does our
51:24
transcripts for us this season, makes them look all good. And
51:28
again, you can find those over at fierceauthenticity.com as
51:32
well, that is the home that is the hub for everything. And
51:36
thank you again, for everyone who's here who's participating
51:39
in this community, it is my life's work to bring us together
51:43
to have these conversations to facilitate the healing that
51:47
happens when we come together and community. And when we open
51:51
ourselves up, to be seen, to be heard, to be valued, and how we
51:57
get to experience the love and belonging that comes from that.
52:01
And so, again, friend, if you are not in our community, come
52:05
join us fierceauthenticity.com. And before we go, Riessa are
52:11
there, I got two questions for you. One is do you have any
52:14
final thoughts? And two is where can people find you of course,
52:19
all the links are going to be in the show notes. And I want you
52:23
to let our people know where they can find you.
52:26
Riessa: When my final though was Vani, I thought that was so cool
52:29
how she owned that again, per her design. She likes solitude.
52:33
That's not wrong. That's not incorrect. That's not a problem.
52:37
Again, opening the book of Vani's design solid to check
52:41
right on track and the way everyone can find me, the best
52:44
place to find me is on Instagram at Riessa Monique and I'm sure
52:48
you're gonna have it in the show notes. And thank you so much for
52:51
having me. And thank you for being so gentle and holding me
52:54
being that it was my first time.
52:55
Shirani Pathak: It was truly an honor and a pleasure. Thank you
52:57
for spending a part of your Saturday afternoon. I know
53:01
you're on the East Coast and so it's even later in the day for
53:04
you just thank you for sharing this time with us and bringing
53:07
your wisdom and your medicine to us to our community and to the
53:13
world when this episode is released live. So thank you
53:17
thank you to everyone for being here. Live for tuning in for
53:21
watching for listening. Make sure you subscribe, make sure
53:25
you screenshot make sure you share make sure you tag us. Let
53:30
us know what this episode did for you. Again, thank you all so
53:36
much, and we will be together again soon.
53:44
I want to take a moment to honor the amazing team that helps make
53:48
this podcast possible for you. Starting with our audio editor
53:52
Diego Velazquez; graphic designer and behind the scenes
53:55
admin Anna Olvina; transcript proofreader and editor Vani
54:00
Pathak; show notes and blog posts by Biljana Sandic;
54:04
photography by Lauren at Radiance Studio; the musical
54:08
track "Tropical Summer Beach" by Alex Make Music on Pixabay; my
54:12
husband, my family, my community, my higher power. And
54:16
last but not least, I want to thank you, my loyal listener and
54:21
friend so much for tuning in. Ways that you can further
54:25
support the podcast are by rating and reviewing fierce
54:28
authenticity on Apple; sharing it with everyone you know,
54:32
screenshotting it posting it on social media and be sure to tag
54:35
me @ShiraniPathak when you do; and making a one time or
54:40
recurring financial contribution through the link in the show
54:42
notes. And remember, be sure to sign up for my emails and check
54:47
out my current services, offerings, and ways to work with
54:50
me over at fierceauthenticity.com. I am
54:55
sending you so much love friend and I cannot wait until we are
54:58
together again soon.