Latest / The Observatory | Discovery of Consciousness & Awareness / Threads of Being | Jake Orak on Spirituality, Self-Discovery, and Living Authentically revisited

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Threads of Being | Jake Orak on Spirituality, Self-Discovery, and Living Authentically revisited · The Observatory | Discovery of Consciousness & Awareness

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Observatory Podcast.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: With your hosts Scott and lay Wright.
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Join us each week as we explore living life from
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: the inside out. Welcome back to the Observatory Podcast. Today,
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: Ray and I are going to sit down with our
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: good friend Jake Rak. I met Jake a couple of
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: years back through our music gathering that we do every
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: week or two, and we just really hit it off,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: and he's got some really good stories. The journey of
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: his life has been truly amazing. Go through his life
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: as an entrepreneur, having a company, selling that company, and
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: then leaning into some book writing relationships, all sorts of
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: really good stuff. This is a good one. It goes
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: a little bit longer than our normal podcasts. However, it's
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: super intriguing and it will grab you and hold you
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: there if you get started. So just sit back, relax,
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: and enjoy this podcast with Jake Oric. Welcome back to
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: the Observatory Podcast. Ray and I are sitting here in
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: our living room today with our good friend Jake Oric.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: How are you, Jake good? Good?
• 1:21
  Speaker 3: Hey guys, thanks for having me.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: Man, it's good to have you here. We became acquainted
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: with each other. I don't know, it's been a couple
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: of years now through the music Drum Circle group and
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: the musicians that have been around, and you met Adrian
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: who was part of that group. And then of course
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: you came and you started playing, and you learned kind
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: of what we were all about. And you already had,
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: you know, experience, I think with drumming and.
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: All that a little bit.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so you had lived I think in BALI was
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: that where all that got introduced to you.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, I I studied drums in like elementary school.
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: I was just in the band and I couldn't read
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: sheet music. I was just playing it all by year.
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: And when they found that out, I got kicked out
• 2:12
  Speaker 3: of the band. It's like, if you can't read the music,
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: then sorry, you can't be in it. But then I
• 2:18
  Speaker 3: saw I played just like the drum kit in various
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: bands through high school and college, and I had I
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: owned a jemba, but I didn't play it that much.
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: And so after college I didn't do any drumming until
• 2:30
  Speaker 3: I met you guys. And it feels good to be
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: back in it. You know how to read music now, no.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: Good, I can hear it. You can't. It's you know,
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: it's about the feeling right, Yes, exactly. They just playing together.
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: So well, we'd like to just kind of do an introduction.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: We've been talking for a while about getting you in here,
• 2:52
  Speaker 1: and you've been traveling and you're pretty busy with what
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: your current stuff is you're doing, So let's just kind
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: of go back and tell us about yourself, Jake little it,
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: who you are and where you came from, et cetera.
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: Yeah, sounds good. So I'm originally from Minnesota. So I
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: grew up in the Twin cities between Saint Paul and Minneapolis.
• 3:09
  Speaker 3: You know, mom and dad lived in different places, and
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: so I was a Midwest boy for most of my life.
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: I studied fine arts and industrial design in Wisconsin and
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: graduated from that university it's called u W Stout And
• 3:28
  Speaker 3: then I got a job as an industrial designer at
• 3:31
  Speaker 3: three m so, the post it note company, so I
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: was designing.
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: Went in the corporate world.
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: It went straight into the corporate world.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: And relate to that.
• 3:41
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I didn't last long and it lasted a year,
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: but it was it was It was a cool job.
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: It was you know, working with scientists and engineers and
• 3:49
  Speaker 3: designing everything from posting note dispensers, to surgical. I had
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: dine applicators, library book scanners, designed a stethoscope.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: Three, a lot of stuff.
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: They do everything. Yeah, so I learned a lot, but
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: it was just it was very corporate and the offices
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: hadn't been redesigned since the seventies and they still had
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: like cigarette stained cubicle wows and it was just not
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: very inspiring right out of design school. So I left.
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: I left that job and I took a big leap.
• 4:24
  Speaker 3: I took an internship for a bag design company. It
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: was a bad company out of it was originally Australian
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: owned by some Germans who they had an agreement where
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: they split part of the globe and then you know,
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: I worked for the German portion of that brand, and
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: so they had an ad for an intern. So I
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: went from corporate job salary four oh one k to
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: junior intern five hundred bucks a month. Wow, and moved
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: to Vietnam for that job. Oh wow. Yeah, So that's
• 4:55
  Speaker 3: what originally brought me to Southeast Asia, started that whole journey.
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: But I had originally I'd been to Southeast Asia once before.
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: So when I was studying at the University of Wisconsin,
• 5:06
  Speaker 3: I did a semester abroad in Singapore and spent that
• 5:09
  Speaker 3: time traveling around Southeast Asia. So I kind of knew
• 5:12
  Speaker 3: what I was getting myself into.
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: You didn't speak the language or anything like that, right.
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: No, Yeah, I just just went for it. But I
• 5:20
  Speaker 3: saw it, you know, as like a stepping stone to
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: get me into something more I wanted to do. So
• 5:24
  Speaker 3: I wanted to design products for lifestyle companies like Burton
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: Snowboards was like my my target, and so designing.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: Snowboarder obviously, I guess, yeah, snowboarder.
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: So I wanted to, yeah, exactly do something to get
• 5:38
  Speaker 3: into that lifestyle. So like, okay, designing bags is kind
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: of feels adjacent, So maybe maybe I'll try that out.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: A bag to carry yours snow gear in.
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, take me all the way to the other
• 5:50
  Speaker 3: side of the world to start that.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: So why how long were you in Vietnam?
• 5:54
  Speaker 3: So that first time, it was about two to three years. Yeah,
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: and then I moved with that same company to Switzerland.
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: So my ex wife and I she's also from Minnesota.
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: So when we first started dating, I graduated university, I
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: took that job. While I accepted that job and moved
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: to Vietnam. She was in Africa at the time, and
• 6:20
  Speaker 3: we were pretty early in our relationships, were like, I
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: don't know, it was pretty cool, come to Vietnam if
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: you want otherwise, I just feel like I have to
• 6:28
  Speaker 3: do this for me, And so she came and joined
• 6:30
  Speaker 3: me in Vietnam.
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: So we were married at the time or not.
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we weren't married yet. Yeah, we're just we're just
• 6:38
  Speaker 3: dating at that at that stage. And then she was
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: you know, she came home to Minnesota for a little
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: bit from Africa, got her stuff and came and joined me,
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: and then she taught English while we were living there.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: And then the two of us moved to Switzerland when
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: I got a promotion from the same company that I
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: was learning how to do bag designed for and so
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: we lived in Zurich for a year and then had
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: enough of that lifestyle and we moved back to the US.
• 7:11
  Speaker 3: I took a job in Los Angeles, so we moved
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: and we lived in Pasadena for uh, well, that didn't
• 7:18
  Speaker 3: last very long. So for about a year and a
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: half she and I were there where we were both there,
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: and then she wasn't super happy about it. She wanted
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: to go back to Vietnam. So at that stage, I
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: was working on my own company, Ethnotech, which is the
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: bags that showed you today as artists and textiles, and
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: it's a social enterprise. So I was incubating that, like
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: on the side. When we were living in La and
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: I was working another design job there. She moved back
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: to Vietnam, and when I launched the business, I moved
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: back to Vietnam too, just to be close to the
• 7:54
  Speaker 3: production in the factory. And so that's what it brought
• 7:58
  Speaker 3: me back to Southeast And that was the longer chapter that.
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: At this point you were married then or when did
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: you get married?
• 8:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we got married in Switzerland. Okay, Yeah, that's that's
• 8:07
  Speaker 3: an interesting story because we we were together all those
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: years and it was they're pretty strict on who can
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: live in the country. You have to have certain visas,
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: and like, we're going to be together for a while,
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: we want to be nomadic and travel a lot, so
• 8:26
  Speaker 3: we it'd be a lot easier if we got married,
• 8:28
  Speaker 3: so let's get married. And we did that for the
• 8:31
  Speaker 3: spouse o visa, but we applied for it while we
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: were living there, which you're not supposed to do. You're
• 8:38
  Speaker 3: supposed to apply from outside the country, get accepted, and
• 8:41
  Speaker 3: then come in right. So we had gone on our
• 8:47
  Speaker 3: honeymoon vacation. We took like two weeks off, and shortly
• 8:51
  Speaker 3: after that we got a piece of mail that said
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: that she had to leave the country within like a
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: week because she was not there legally and she had
• 9:06
  Speaker 3: I was, so my company gave me a business visa,
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: but they didn't help with our significant others, Like, that's
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: that's on you. So we did it incorrectly. So she
• 9:16
  Speaker 3: got deported from like the most neutral country. So she yeah,
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: she had to go back to.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: What they deport people elsewhere to.
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Actually, yeah, Yeah, it's kind of a utopia over there.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: It's interesting. They don't want any of dirty Americans just
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: sneaking in.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: We've been there. She's Swiss. Her roots are Swiss.
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: Oh really cool. Yeah, it's an amazing country. Is Yeah,
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: it's beautiful.
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: They are pretty set in their ways though.
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: They are. Yeah, indeed, I just got to follow the rules.
• 9:48
  Speaker 3: We broke the rules. It's fair. But what they didn't
• 9:52
  Speaker 3: tell us is that they had her spousal visa across
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: the border in Germany. So Stute Guard is where you
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: can go to just to get your visa renewals, and
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: when I went to go get mine, they're like, here's
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: your visa and your wife's visa. And I was like,
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: are you kidding me? Like, we just paid the fly
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: her back to the US. She's been in there, she's
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: been there for she was there for like a month,
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: just trying to sort that out. And it was very
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: stressful for us because we were, you know, kind of
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: broke at the time and we had to separate, like
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: right after getting married, and it was just like, what
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: is going on? I was like, well, I have your
• 10:27
  Speaker 3: visa that you was completely unnecessary for us to go
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: through this whole thing. They had it all along and
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: just didn't tell us.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 10:34
  Speaker 3: So yeah, that was a stressful time. But bureaucracy, bureaucracy.
• 10:37
  Speaker 2: Uh.
• 10:38
  Speaker 3: And so that little episode and the company not really
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: supporting us in that, I felt like I learned what
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: I needed to learn from that company. And then we
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: just moved back to the US from there.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: Yeah, So did you just leave there and come back
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: and join her? She never did come back to Switzerland
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: or did it?
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: No?
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: We Uh, we moved from swis still into Los Angeles
• 11:02
  Speaker 3: and that's where we were in Pasadena, and then she
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: went back to Vietnam, and while she was there, I
• 11:09
  Speaker 3: was working on the business and getting samples because I
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: still kept all those contacts from Vietnam that I had
• 11:16
  Speaker 3: from those that from the previous job. And I had
• 11:20
  Speaker 3: one particular developer, his name's I, who I had a
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: close relationship with. He and I just worked really well together.
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: And then when he and I both left the company,
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: we stayed in touch, were like, let's do some business
• 11:34
  Speaker 3: together in the future. I don't know what, but let's
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: stay in touch. And then when I had this idea
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: of ethno Tech, which is combining traditional handmade textiles with
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: high tech functional laptop bags, I was sick of my
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: job in La but I, you know, had at that
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: stage already been working like six years in the bag business.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: So I felt like I knew enough and I wanted
• 11:57
  Speaker 3: to be free, be my own boss, and I wanted
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: to do something to give back, whether it's to the
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: environment or to people social responsibilities. So I had the
• 12:11
  Speaker 3: idea while traveling, like I always loved textiles, so I
• 12:14
  Speaker 3: travel a lot over Southeast Asia and the parts of
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: the world, and so yeah, I just had that idea
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: and decided to pursue it while I was still in
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: La and she was in Vietnam. And then I was
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: incubating it for like about I guess about a year.
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: So we were apart for quite a while. And when
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: everything was ready to go live, I had the website
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: up up and running photos, did a bunch of PR
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: But before I launched, I wanted to tell my boss
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: like what was about to happen, because I didn't want
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: him to find out some other way. So I told
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: him on a Friday, and I was fired on Monday,
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: so exactly. But he did me a favor because I
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: had no choice but to be all in at that stage.
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: So I just packed up all my things, like broke
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: my rental lease and put everything in a moving truck
• 13:13
  Speaker 3: and moved back to Minnesota and then had all like
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: for the first few years, my mom was fulfilling all
• 13:20
  Speaker 3: the orders out of our basement. She was our ops manager. Yeah,
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: And so at that stage, once everything was back in Minnesota,
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: that's when I went to Vietnam again to get things rolling.
• 13:37
  Speaker 3: And like two weeks after we had launched, he even
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: like right after getting fired, ARII called us up, said
• 13:44
  Speaker 3: we want to carry your your stuff and then two
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: weeks after that Urban Outfitters, and so it was like
• 13:50
  Speaker 3: a pretty quick success. Yeah, and so that was that
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: was good validation.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: Brought with you. I mean, they're super nice, they're really nice. Thanks.
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: And did your mom continue to be your ops manager
• 14:02
  Speaker 2: for a while even.
• 14:03
  Speaker 3: With Yeah, yeah, she had like a good two three years.
• 14:07
  Speaker 3: But I also had a co founder at the time,
• 14:08
  Speaker 3: And so for the really big orders, we had a
• 14:11
  Speaker 3: separate warehouse and it was really complicated how they wanted
• 14:14
  Speaker 3: you to fulfill the orders. Like we couldn't just produce
• 14:16
  Speaker 3: the goods in Vietnam and send it to them and
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: it contained her. You have to like hold it here
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: and they have various like eight different distribution centers, so
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: you have to send them off like at very specific times.
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: And so we had to learn how to do all
• 14:30
  Speaker 3: of that, and yeah, it was super complicated, but we
• 14:34
  Speaker 3: learned a lot in the process. So she didn't do
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: those big orders, but she did like the onesie twosie
• 14:39
  Speaker 3: orders from our online shop. Yeah.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: And then how long were you in Vietnam the second time?
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: The second time was I want to say, like ten
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: twelve years, So collectively I was like I was in
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: Vietnam for nine years, in Bali for five years, so
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: fourteen years, and I know, yeah, so I've only been
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: back in the States like two three years. So this
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: is me being an American again, trying to at least And.
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: Your wife had moved back to Vietnam prior to you
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: going there, right, yep. And then you guys were together
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: in Vietnam yep. And when did that all end? Was
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: that after you came back or yeah?
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so that so we were in Bali during the
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: pandemic and her dad had on purpose, yeah, on purpose, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: So that was actually a pretty incredible year to be
• 15:38
  Speaker 3: there because they shut down the airport and all the
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: tourists left in the X A lot of the ex
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: pats left too, so those of us that chose to stay,
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: the virus just wasn't an issue there, so we had
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: the island all to ourselves. It was a beautiful, beautiful
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: time to be there. I didn't yeah exactly, I don't
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: really want to leave, but I mean we did the
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: right thing because her her dad had multiple at my
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: Looma and he was battling that for probably two three
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: years and he beat it, but then he was granted
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: the go ahead to keys to his on the side
• 16:15
  Speaker 3: he would refer hockey. And so after he got better,
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: the doctor gave him the nod to go ahead and
• 16:24
  Speaker 3: do that as long as he was massed up and
• 16:26
  Speaker 3: kept distancing all that. But he caught COVID and within
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: two weeks of being diagnosed he passed away.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: Oh wow.
• 16:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and it was on her birthday too, and we
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: were in Bali when we got the phone call, and
• 16:41
  Speaker 3: so it was very clear that it was good to
• 16:44
  Speaker 3: go back and be with the family. And the year before,
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: we had already planned to move back to the US,
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: back to like we wanted to move to Colorado, and
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: then the pandemic hit and then we just made a
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: decision to stay and ride it out there. So we
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: were already going to do that, so we figured, Okay,
• 17:01
  Speaker 3: this is the right time to do that. So we
• 17:02
  Speaker 3: both moved back to Minnesota as a soft landing to
• 17:07
  Speaker 3: be with family and help with the funeral arrangements and
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: all that in summer of twenty twenty one ish. Yeah,
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: so I've been back since I've been going, you know,
• 17:19
  Speaker 3: I've been traveling a lot since then. But yeah, so
• 17:23
  Speaker 3: we lived in Minnesota again for a year and then
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: there had been some challenges in the relationship throughout. So originally,
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: when she moved to Vietnam and I was still in La,
• 17:37
  Speaker 3: we separated. We actually applied for divorce. It didn't work.
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: We kind of screwed up the paperwork. I don't know
• 17:43
  Speaker 3: what we did, but we separated, and when I kept
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: coming back to Vietnam for the business, we rekindled got
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: back together. It was better than ever. But then we
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: moved back to Minnesota. It just seemed to kind of
• 17:56
  Speaker 3: accelerate the drifting apart that we that we were experiencing
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: our relationship that we didn't we knew it was there.
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: We just were sticking it out for a while and
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: making the most of it and just trying. But the
• 18:13
  Speaker 3: stress of living back home under those conditions, it just
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: kind of sped up the timeline and we decided to
• 18:20
  Speaker 3: separate once and for all, and so then as twenty one, yeah,
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: twenty one, and then she she moved back to Bali
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: after that, So it's like we're patterns repeating. And it
• 18:34
  Speaker 3: was funny, like a stray cat moved in with us
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: and Bali during the pandemic, and we moved her back
• 18:40
  Speaker 3: to Minnesota. With us, and she's a jungle cat. This
• 18:42
  Speaker 3: is a very weird thing to do. But she moved
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: Minnesota's a little different though a little different, like Minnesota,
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: one bedroom apartment from and just an open jungle lifestyle
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: coming in and she developed asthma. That little cat. Wow,
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: poor little thing. But yeah, she has papers, she has passport.
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: So she flew back to Bali. Moved back to Bali
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: with Creature, our cat after we divorced.
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: Cat's names Creature, Creature.
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: She's awesome. Yeah, she's she's a really cool cat.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: You guys didn't have children, right.
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: No children? Yeah, so we separate. It was a very
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: loving separation When I tell people about it, like, that's
• 19:24
  Speaker 3: like the best divorce ever. There was no drama. We
• 19:28
  Speaker 3: know that we gave it our all. We were together
• 19:31
  Speaker 3: in total, like eighteen years, very long time.
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: That is a long time.
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so and we divorced once before, so this is
• 19:37
  Speaker 3: our second divorce or like we really did try.
• 19:40
  Speaker 1: Anytime I hear that, I have to honor people that
• 19:43
  Speaker 1: do it that way, because yeah, it's not common.
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, Mine wasn't that way.
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: So I honored you for that.
• 19:50
  Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you. Yeah, And It was an interesting
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: experience because we did the paperwork and we were like, Okay,
• 19:57
  Speaker 3: I guess we're done. But it was hard for each
• 20:02
  Speaker 3: of us to move on after, like just kind of
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: giving each other distance for like about a year after.
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: And my coach at the time, Tracy, she's like, did
• 20:14
  Speaker 3: you guys, You guys seem still tethered somehow energetically. It
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: seems like when I listen to you talk, something's incomplete.
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: She's like, did you guys have a like a completion ceremony,
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: like a conscious uncoupling? And it's just like I don't
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: even know what is that?
• 20:31
  Speaker 1: What is that?
• 20:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Like what are you talking about? And so she said, yeah,
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: like I believe that you guys are still energetically tethered
• 20:41
  Speaker 3: to once another, even though that you've agreed to do this,
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: you've signed the paperwork, there's still something in the ether,
• 20:48
  Speaker 3: like quantumly connects you to that you need to both
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: resolve consciously. And so she she's done this quite a
• 20:58
  Speaker 3: few times with couples. So she gave some prompts and
• 21:01
  Speaker 3: things to say, so basically just a script of things
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: to fill in ourselves so that everything that was left
• 21:10
  Speaker 3: unsaid can be said, and so that we can take
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: radical ownership of certain things, like I owe you, you
• 21:18
  Speaker 3: owe me these things I things that I've never apologized for,
• 21:23
  Speaker 3: like just anything that could possibly be still open and unsaid.
• 21:27
  Speaker 3: We said, and we made it a beautiful ceremony, you know,
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: like we wore bright colors, we had flowers, we had
• 21:35
  Speaker 3: photos and notes to each other from the past that
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: we a lot of it, We pretty much all but
• 21:41
  Speaker 3: we chose to burn.
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: And then I'm assuming you didn't either one of you
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: had any financial obligation to the other. You just split none.
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we just we just split it. So we agreed
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: like what we were, I mean, our whole relationship. We
• 21:54
  Speaker 3: live in like backpackers. We had no we didn't own anything.
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: We even have a car backpacking company.
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: Why wouldn't you Yeah, yeah, yeah, so yeah, and that
• 22:06
  Speaker 3: and the divorce happened at the time I was selling
• 22:08
  Speaker 3: the company, and we both had an agreement on like
• 22:10
  Speaker 3: how we would split the money and all that. So
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: it was just very clear, did she work with the
• 22:16
  Speaker 3: company with you? So she did. Yeah, So she assumed
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: after we were like probably five or six years in business,
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: she she joined up because she she was over Vietnam.
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: Done teaching, she just wanted to move on to other things.
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: And I was two, I mean nine years living nine
• 22:35
  Speaker 3: years anywhere, Like it's a long time. And so I
• 22:38
  Speaker 3: had been Bali before. I loved it there, and so
• 22:41
  Speaker 3: I was like, we should move here. But the last
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: few countries places we've lived have been based on my
• 22:47
  Speaker 3: career and my choice, so like, I'll let you decide now.
• 22:50
  Speaker 3: And so she loved Thailand too. It's like it made
• 22:53
  Speaker 3: sense to be in Southeast Asia, close to the factory.
• 22:56
  Speaker 3: It's also you can live pretty well on low come
• 23:00
  Speaker 3: out over there. But we traveled to Bali. She loved it.
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: She's like, yeah, totally, let's move here. And I was like, cool,
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: what do you want to just work for the company?
• 23:09
  Speaker 3: We need help and and she said yes, and she
• 23:13
  Speaker 3: was awesome, Like she was took care of pretty much
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: everything admin and OPS did a lot of like marketing stuff,
• 23:20
  Speaker 3: and things got a lot more organized when she got involved.
• 23:24
  Speaker 3: And that was a good move because it made us
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: completely free. The fact that the two of us could
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: work anywhere anytime. It was great because then we could
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: just go anywhere we wanted to go. And so that's
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: when we both moved to Bali together. But yeah, she
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: she would worked with the company too.
• 23:45
  Speaker 2: So tell me, let's go back to the completion ceremony. Yep,
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: so you go through this. Are you you together physically
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: when you do this?
• 23:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah? So that was probably a year or so after
• 23:57
  Speaker 3: our divorce.
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: Okay, so you came back together in Bali.
• 24:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I went to Bali to do that. Yeah, I
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: went to Bali to do that. And then also I
• 24:06
  Speaker 3: still have like my closest friends are still in Bali,
• 24:09
  Speaker 3: so I love going there. And I was still doing
• 24:12
  Speaker 3: work for the company that I sold, and so it
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: made sense to combine it. Yeah, so work trip and.
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: She also felt that there was something incomplete she did. Yeah, okay,
• 24:23
  Speaker 2: so both of you went.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 24:25
  Speaker 3: So when I when I mentioned that to her, because
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: she knows my coach Tracy, because I was with her
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: for many years, and I was like, uh, Tracy said
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: to this and actually I read that resonates with me.
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: I feel that too. She's like me too, I totally
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: feel that as well. And I was like, well, would
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: you be open to doing this completion ceremony? And I
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: explained what it is to her and she said yeah, absolutely,
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: Like I've loved the things that Tracy recommends for our relationship,
• 24:53
  Speaker 3: so she was there for Yeah.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: So yeah, that's interesting because I know it feels a
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: lot of times when people go through the end of
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: a relationship, even through divorce, there's still energy that is
• 25:06
  Speaker 2: left and it can show up, you know, in different
• 25:10
  Speaker 2: ways as anger or you know, well just in different ways.
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: But it would be nice if people were more consciously
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: committed to uncoupling.
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree.
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: So that's a beautiful process.
• 25:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I completely agree. And after we did that, like
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: I realized just how much of my life things just
• 25:34
  Speaker 3: end unceremoniously and I just walk away from it, like jobs, friendships,
• 25:43
  Speaker 3: experiences good or bad. And I feel like we're doing
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: ourselves a disservice by not consciously acknowledging when things are done,
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: when they die, Like the death of things is very
• 25:55
  Speaker 3: important to the cycle of life, and this this ceremony
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: really helped realize that. And so I've tried to be
• 26:04
  Speaker 3: more conscious of letting things end and doing it well,
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: like making things feel complete when even if it's a
• 26:15
  Speaker 3: small thing. So I think that there's a lot to
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: be learned from that experience, because like memories are one
• 26:24
  Speaker 3: thing like, we can think about things in the past,
• 26:27
  Speaker 3: but we can leave a lot on the table energetically
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: through our life experiences if we don't, like even just
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: sit down and meditate and be like, Okay, this is
• 26:38
  Speaker 3: the end of this job. I did what I needed
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: to do, and I want to think about all the people,
• 26:46
  Speaker 3: all the things that I learned. I want to write
• 26:47
  Speaker 3: about it. I want to just be as intentional as
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: possible and say, Okay, thank you. I don't agree with
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: how this ended. I don't have to like it, but
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: it served a purpose at this chapter in my life
• 26:59
  Speaker 3: and that chapter and now and to do something to
• 27:02
  Speaker 3: say thank you for that and just let it go.
• 27:06
  Speaker 3: So that's I try to live that way more now
• 27:09
  Speaker 3: because I Yeah, we got a lot out of that.
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: Had you have you always had that level of self
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: awareness and intentionality in your life or is that something
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: that came about, you know, living in Southeast Asia working
• 27:23
  Speaker 2: with a coach. How how did that get nurtured in you?
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: Yeah? It it came through working with the coach and
• 27:32
  Speaker 3: meditation and developing spiritual curiosity while all while living in Bali.
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: So when we had moved there, that was already part
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: of my five year goal. Like literally I wrote down
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: in a journals like year five, get ethnotic to a
• 27:48
  Speaker 3: certain place, move to BALI live in Paradise, and then
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: the first year of living there, I had a complete
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: nervous breakdown.
• 27:57
  Speaker 2: The business had been so demanding.
• 27:59
  Speaker 3: And mandang like I got there, like I was in Paradise, married,
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: had all the things I was you know, I didn't
• 28:07
  Speaker 3: have to wear any corporate attire. I was wearing flip
• 28:10
  Speaker 3: flops every day, and money was okay. So it was
• 28:16
  Speaker 3: I was in this place where like, oh my god,
• 28:18
  Speaker 3: like I've arrived to the future that I've designed, and
• 28:21
  Speaker 3: I'm a complete nervous wreck. I was working too much,
• 28:26
  Speaker 3: partying too much, and I wasn't intentional about my life
• 28:31
  Speaker 3: at all, ironically living in a very spiritually energized place Bali.
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: A lot of people that live there say that Bali's
• 28:39
  Speaker 3: very confronting, like it brings up stuff inside of us
• 28:43
  Speaker 3: much faster to the surface, and it definitely did for me.
• 28:47
  Speaker 3: And so I was not doing well. And then as
• 28:53
  Speaker 3: a result, the business was not doing well. This is
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: like twenty sixteen, and I was having panic attacks and
• 29:01
  Speaker 3: I didn't know what that even was. I would just
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: like suddenly like lose my breath and I would get
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: like like in breathwork, you get is it technique where
• 29:12
  Speaker 3: your yeah, where your hands clam up. Yeah, my hands
• 29:16
  Speaker 3: would do that, And it was because I was like
• 29:18
  Speaker 3: not hyperventilating, but hypo ventilating when I'm stressed, I hold
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: my breath, I don't breathe and realize I was doing that.
• 29:26
  Speaker 3: But anyways, my nervous system was also a mess from
• 29:29
  Speaker 3: the constant work, the drinking too much, drinking too much caffeine.
• 29:34
  Speaker 3: I was just burning it at both ends for way too.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: Long, already in late at night, getting up in the morning,
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: overdosing caffeine exactlyush.
• 29:43
  Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I would go out for drinks with
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: friends after after work every night and just like go
• 29:48
  Speaker 3: really hard on the weekends too, and then be tired
• 29:51
  Speaker 3: all the time. So just just like just like using
• 29:55
  Speaker 3: so much coffee.
• 29:56
  Speaker 1: I don't need to take care of this body. The
• 29:58
  Speaker 1: drugs will do it.
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: For me next exactly. Yeah. So, needless to say, my
• 30:03
  Speaker 3: sleep was it would not exist in essentially, and so
• 30:07
  Speaker 3: eventually my body just started shutting down. And so I
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: had the signal of subtle signals I was not listening.
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: To and so was your wife partying with you?
• 30:17
  Speaker 3: Not as much, but yeah, she was alongside. We were
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: drinking buddies for quite a while. But that's what we
• 30:26
  Speaker 3: just assumed was the lifestyle, you know, Like when we
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: were in Bali, we were at a clerking space and
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: it's a lot of entrepreneurs, freelancers, people just live in
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: that free life doing well financially. So it's just life
• 30:38
  Speaker 3: was one big party. So it just is like work hard,
• 30:40
  Speaker 3: play hard here in Molli. Yeah, like the spiritual Metta. Yeah,
• 30:46
  Speaker 3: and that wasn't even on your radar at the time, Uh,
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: not really like it was. It was. It was a
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: beautiful place where I could be in the mountains or
• 30:55
  Speaker 3: surfing on the beach in the same day. And I
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: was close to Vietnam, close to the factories, so it
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: made sense for lifestyle and proximity to work stuff. I
• 31:06
  Speaker 3: knew that there was a strong culture and a spiritual
• 31:09
  Speaker 3: energy there, and I've always been a pretty spiritually curious person,
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: but that didn't really heavily weigh in until I had
• 31:18
  Speaker 3: a breakdown. And then that's when I decided to ask
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: for help. And so I, luckily a lot of people
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: who are life coaches are based in Bali. So there's
• 31:30
  Speaker 3: a lot of life coaches that are based in Bali,
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: and so I was referred to one. His name's Nick Wood.
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: His coaching business is called Life Athletics. He's amazing. He's
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: from Canada and I worked with him for about a
• 31:46
  Speaker 3: year and that's when I was starting to be able
• 31:50
  Speaker 3: to untangle all the things that were going on was
• 31:53
  Speaker 3: going on inside me. And he's got a good program
• 31:56
  Speaker 3: where you basically pick apart every aspect of your life
• 31:59
  Speaker 3: and you rate it like where are you at, you know,
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: on a scale like where are you over? Where are
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: you under? And so that was the first time I've
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: done like a really deep dive inquiry into myself. And
• 32:13
  Speaker 3: because I had to get the like out of the
• 32:15
  Speaker 3: nowhere surprise panic attacks under control, like I stopped drinking
• 32:20
  Speaker 3: or at least cut it way down and started meditating.
• 32:23
  Speaker 3: So I started using the Headspace app to learn how
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: to meditate, and that was helping a lot. I was like, Wow,
• 32:29
  Speaker 3: this is profound, how helpful. This is just like ten
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: minutes a day.
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, Now did the panic attacks were you hospitalized at all?
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: Or just yeah?
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: Really?
• 32:39
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 32:39
  Speaker 3: So yeah, it did get to the point where you
• 32:40
  Speaker 3: were hospitalized. Yeah, just the first one. Just when the
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: first one happened.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: I think you're having a heart attack.
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. It was in Vietnam and it was it
• 32:51
  Speaker 3: was a Sunday afternoon, and like I just had this
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: weight on my chest. I couldn't breathe and really dizzy,
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: and the things started happening with my hands, and I
• 33:04
  Speaker 3: was like, this is when we were in Vietnam. This
• 33:06
  Speaker 3: is right before we moved to Bali. That was the
• 33:09
  Speaker 3: first one. And and I was like, I think I'm
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: having a stroke or a heart attack or something. We
• 33:15
  Speaker 3: need to go hospital. And so Corey and I got
• 33:17
  Speaker 3: in a taxi and went to the hospital and they
• 33:22
  Speaker 3: they could tell I was having a pan attack. So
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: they got me like breathing into a bag, which like
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: recycles your carbon dioxide, which when you're in that state,
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: I guess you're really low on carbon dioxide. That's why
• 33:33
  Speaker 3: I see people breathing into a paper bag. So they
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: had me doing that. It also helps you see your breath,
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: so if you're breathing too fast or too slow, you
• 33:41
  Speaker 3: need to just see the expansion and contraction of the
• 33:44
  Speaker 3: bag and doing that and making it slower and slower
• 33:47
  Speaker 3: and slower. It slow as your breath. Now it all
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: comes down to the breath. And then they also gave me,
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: I think they gave me some sort of like diazepam
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: in my IV I was also really hydra because you know,
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: the your coffee routine. And then so they explained what happened,
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: like you had a panic attack. There's nothing wrong with you,
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: so you need to get your life under control, like
• 34:16
  Speaker 3: to manage your stress. And so that was That was
• 34:20
  Speaker 3: the first and only time that I was hospitalized for it.
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: But it kept happening weekly, I would say thereafter, so
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: I knew what it was, but I still had no
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: control over it. Like it would happen when I was
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: like on my motorbike driving to work at.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: The factor, not even something triggering you body would just
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: say yeah.
• 34:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it would just come on nowhere. Well, and so
• 34:43
  Speaker 3: that was all.
• 34:44
  Speaker 1: It shows you that it's not from your mind though, yeah,
• 34:47
  Speaker 1: you know, it's your your physical body the stress or
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: whatever it is is giving you.
• 34:51
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it was like the accumulated stress, Like my nervous
• 34:55
  Speaker 3: system was on overload for so long that it just
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: no longer knew what to do. So like whatever biochemically
• 35:01
  Speaker 3: was going on in me. It was just it was
• 35:04
  Speaker 3: just out of out of whack.
• 35:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 35:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, So that was also a decision to move to
• 35:09
  Speaker 3: Bali too, because it's much more relaxing there. Living in
• 35:12
  Speaker 3: Hochiman City, say, my nine million people, it's pretty chaotic.
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 35:17
  Speaker 3: So it's like, Okay, all these things are leading to
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: us wanting to go and now that this is happening
• 35:23
  Speaker 3: with me, like, we need to go to a place
• 35:24
  Speaker 3: where we can chill out more. So that's why we
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: chose Ubud, which is like the it's in the jungle,
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: and it's it's where a lot of people in the
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: conscious community, people yoga, wellness, that lifestyle go there. And
• 35:40
  Speaker 3: so yeah, it was so it was on the radar
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: to go to Bali for that reason.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: And so let me interrupt here, yep, real quick. So
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: you're still with your wife at the time. So where
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: is she with the whole partying thing? Was she? Did
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: she just leave that behind kind of when you did
• 35:59
  Speaker 1: and you both started doing this together.
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: Or yeah, I mean she she's an introvert by nature,
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: so she she would come out not nearly as much
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: as I.
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: Would go out.
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: She we would drink together at home and she would
• 36:14
  Speaker 3: have some wine, go to bed, and I'd keep drinking.
• 36:18
  Speaker 3: So it was mostly I wouldn't say that she was
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: an enabler, like, but she was. She was a part
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: of it for a while. But eventually she was like, Okay,
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: you need to you need to stop that, Like, clearly
• 36:33
  Speaker 3: it's affecting your life, it's affecting our relationship the business. Yeah,
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: it's like she's like, this whole hustle hard thing, it's bullshit,
• 36:44
  Speaker 3: Like it's not real, Like this work hard, play hard
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: thing that you have in your mind, it's gonna kill you. Wow,
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: So you need to get that under control. She's like,
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: I don't want to be your sponsor. I'm here for
• 36:58
  Speaker 3: you and I'll stop if you want to stop whatever.
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: But she didn't really have a big problem with it, right,
• 37:04
  Speaker 3: I definitely did.
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: So, so that was kind of the beginning of your
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: opening yourself up to looking within. Yeah, yeah, meditation, all
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: of these things that you're doing. So let's let's go
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: now into that the genesis of how that got started,
• 37:26
  Speaker 1: where that led to, and what brought you here to Utah.
• 37:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, absolutely, Yeah. So then I think, uh, switching
• 37:34
  Speaker 3: coaches to Tracy, who her programs called on purpose leadership,
• 37:40
  Speaker 3: and she's she either.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: In Bali too.
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: She's in Bali two. She's also Canadian, but I was
• 37:45
  Speaker 3: only with her in person in Bali for a couple
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: of months before she left, and then she was based
• 37:50
  Speaker 3: in Canada for the rest of the time that we
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: were working together. And she she mostly works with sea
• 37:56
  Speaker 3: level executives, so she coaches them. They come to her
• 38:00
  Speaker 3: with some sort of work related problem and obviously everything's
• 38:05
  Speaker 3: connected to what's going on inside of us, connected to
• 38:08
  Speaker 3: our childhood, all of this, and so she's able to
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: unpack all that in a really efficient way and relate
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: it to your professional life. So typically what she does,
• 38:17
  Speaker 3: but she also has clients like me that just are
• 38:20
  Speaker 3: there not for work, but at the time, you know,
• 38:22
  Speaker 3: I was leading a business, it was relevant and so
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: she helped me with that too. But she works the
• 38:28
  Speaker 3: whole organism. So she helped me with my marriage with
• 38:32
  Speaker 3: how to quit drinking or at least identify what my
• 38:36
  Speaker 3: relationship was and what void it was feeling in my life,
• 38:39
  Speaker 3: like what was the underlying issue there not just addiction,
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: like why what role does it play in my life?
• 38:48
  Speaker 3: And also turned me onto a lot of good books
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: like doctor Joe Despenza's Becoming Supernatural. She turned me on
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: to the work of the gotmans An Institute, so that
• 39:01
  Speaker 3: helped a lot. With Mary, yeah, so good. That helped
• 39:05
  Speaker 3: a lot. And then authentic relating, non violent communication. So
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: I would say like a lot of the self awareness
• 39:14
  Speaker 3: piece came through my work with her. And she is
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: really good at not being prescriptive with her coaching. And
• 39:21
  Speaker 3: she's also not like the psychiatrist that answer a question
• 39:24
  Speaker 3: with a question. She has a very special way of
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: like bringing out the really big things in me that
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: I didn't even know was there. And so working with
• 39:36
  Speaker 3: her and then continuing and deepening my meditation practice. And
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: because I was on this path, eating better, exercising more,
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: tapping more into the spiritual community in Bali, that turned
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: my whole life around. And the business are doing better,
• 39:55
  Speaker 3: my relationship started doing better, and so that was like
• 39:58
  Speaker 3: really the turning point for me in terms of self
• 40:01
  Speaker 3: awareness and focusing on culture, culture within a relationship, culture
• 40:07
  Speaker 3: within friend groups, culture within a business. So she she
• 40:12
  Speaker 3: taught me a lot and I was I was all
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: in for that. So I was like devouring all these
• 40:16
  Speaker 3: books and going deeper and deeper. And because I had
• 40:22
  Speaker 3: traveled to a lot of these various countries for ethnotech
• 40:26
  Speaker 3: I was going to Ghana, Guatemala, India, Indonesia, Vietnam obviously,
• 40:31
  Speaker 3: and my trips to India really had a big impact.
• 40:35
  Speaker 3: And so the trip that I took to visit the
• 40:39
  Speaker 3: artisans around the time of when a lot of this
• 40:42
  Speaker 3: transformation is happening was pretty pretty pivotal. I had spent
• 40:46
  Speaker 3: some time in varan Nasi on the Ganges there, that's
• 40:50
  Speaker 3: where the burning gots are on the on the river,
• 40:53
  Speaker 3: and that had a powerful effect on me and just
• 40:57
  Speaker 3: thinking about my own mortality and and just wanting to
• 41:02
  Speaker 3: try harder to make make a better life here and
• 41:07
  Speaker 3: now and really change things up. And so yeah, that
• 41:11
  Speaker 3: made a difference, and things did definitely get a lot
• 41:16
  Speaker 3: better after that, and so that kind of brings us
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: up to around the last couple of years were really
• 41:24
  Speaker 3: beautiful in Bali when we came back here and then
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: we separated, and then when she went back to Bali,
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: I wanted to still try to be here in the US.
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: Had already made the commitment to be here, and friends
• 41:39
  Speaker 3: and family are here. Fourteen years in Southeast Asia. It's
• 41:42
  Speaker 3: a good run. I feel like it's time for something new,
• 41:45
  Speaker 3: it's a new chapter. And had sold the company, had divorced,
• 41:51
  Speaker 3: Like I got really sick with COVID around that same
• 41:54
  Speaker 3: time too, So it was like a trifecta wholesale life,
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: clean slate overhaul, and I was all twenty one, this
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: is all twenty one, twenty one, twenty two. It all
• 42:06
  Speaker 3: really ended in summer of twenty two, and so at
• 42:10
  Speaker 3: that stage, I was like, Okay, new beginning, What am
• 42:13
  Speaker 3: I going to do? And I didn't actually fully commit
• 42:17
  Speaker 3: to living back in the US at that time. I
• 42:19
  Speaker 3: was still hurting a lot from the transition, Like I
• 42:23
  Speaker 3: didn't realize how much of my identity was tied up
• 42:25
  Speaker 3: in the company. You know, it's I felt like it
• 42:29
  Speaker 3: was tied to my life purpose, my dharma.
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: Like fifteen years of doing it right.
• 42:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah exactly. And I developed these very close relationships with
• 42:38
  Speaker 3: the artisans in these different countries, and like all their
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: cultures and customs affected me, and I just absorbed it
• 42:46
  Speaker 3: all like a sponge. And when it was done, I
• 42:48
  Speaker 3: was just I don't know, like I just what's left
• 42:52
  Speaker 3: for me? Yeah, I don't know what to do now?
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: Who is Jake? Really? Yeah? If that's not me, who's Jake?
• 43:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah exactly. So I'm not my relationship, I'm not my business.
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: What do I do now? And so I still had
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: a lot of digital nomad friends. A lot of them
• 43:09
  Speaker 3: have moved on from Bali to Mexico City or to Portugal,
• 43:15
  Speaker 3: and a lot of them were in Lisbon. Digital nomad,
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: Digital nomad, Yeah that's me. Yeah, that's what they call
• 43:22
  Speaker 3: entrepreneurs and freelancers that are traveling the world. So they
• 43:25
  Speaker 3: just do their workout of a backpack. So wherever tho'se WiFi,
• 43:28
  Speaker 3: that's your HQ.
• 43:29
  Speaker 1: I don't know that.
• 43:30
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, a lot of us actually don't really
• 43:34
  Speaker 3: like that title, but it works for now. Yeah. And
• 43:40
  Speaker 3: so I decided to move to Portugal. I packed everything
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: I owned, which fits all in three suitcases, moved to Lisbon.
• 43:50
  Speaker 3: I was there for three months and it just just
• 43:53
  Speaker 3: didn't work out. It wasn't the right the right thing
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: for me at the time. So came back to the
• 43:59
  Speaker 3: US for a little bit to drop off some of
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: the baggage Minnesota, Minnesota, and then I then I had
• 44:05
  Speaker 3: to go to Guatemala for work, to visit the artisans there,
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: and then forgot how much. I loved Guatemala and so
• 44:14
  Speaker 3: I was like, I'm just in between things floating around. Now,
• 44:17
  Speaker 3: why don't I live here for a while too? So
• 44:19
  Speaker 3: I ended up running a villa on Lake cat Taitlan
• 44:23
  Speaker 3: in Guatemala for three months, and the one with a volcano, right, yeah,
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: the one Scott Man loved too. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: I lived there for three months. And what's interesting about
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: that place? And I am skipping a pretty big event
• 44:41
  Speaker 3: in between there. So after Portugal, I was still just
• 44:45
  Speaker 3: not in a good place. And and then after the
• 44:48
  Speaker 3: divorce and all that and separating from the business, I was,
• 44:50
  Speaker 3: I started drinking again a lot. And then I was.
• 44:54
  Speaker 1: This is after you'd gone through the coaching and left
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: all that behind you, and then you relapse back again. Yep, yep,
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: you're you got to find something to escape this pain. Yeah,
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: and that's what you knew. Yep, It's what I knew.
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: I understand.
• 45:06
  Speaker 3: It was my you know, it was it was it's
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: how I added like fun to my life. And the
• 45:13
  Speaker 3: role was like it was, it was a companion. So
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: I realized through all this is that I was really
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: lonely in my relationship and my job and all that
• 45:24
  Speaker 3: like I was living this outward lifestyle was super fun,
• 45:28
  Speaker 3: but I actually was really lonely. And so the role
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: that it played it was like at nighttime, I'd I'd
• 45:33
  Speaker 3: have my beer and I was able to like go
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: from a hard day to a fun experience or have
• 45:40
  Speaker 3: it be essentially filled the space of a person. And
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: so after going through the transition, I was back back on.
• 45:51
  Speaker 3: And so that's also what like spoiled Portugal for me.
• 45:54
  Speaker 3: I was just like drinking wine all the time.
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: Well that's in AA. What they say is you had
• 45:58
  Speaker 1: to go do some more research.
• 46:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah right, Yeah, I did some good research.
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: In the Portugal a research mission.
• 46:09
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, exactly. So at that point, like it definitely
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: brought me to rock bottom and on a trip, a
• 46:19
  Speaker 3: work trip again back to Vietnam, I was at a
• 46:21
  Speaker 3: stage where I was like I don't care anymore about anything.
• 46:27
  Speaker 3: I was just apathetic to life, and that scared the
• 46:30
  Speaker 3: shit out of me because that's not me, Like I
• 46:34
  Speaker 3: just love everything. And so I told Tracy what was
• 46:39
  Speaker 3: going on. I'm like, hey, I'm at this place. It's
• 46:42
  Speaker 3: like the darkest it's ever been. And at that time
• 46:45
  Speaker 3: I had already booked a retreat in Nepal. So I
• 46:49
  Speaker 3: had that booked and it's just just a skip from
• 46:51
  Speaker 3: Vietnam to Nepal. And the retreat was going to be
• 46:55
  Speaker 3: from December twenty fifth, so Christmas Day through to the
• 47:00
  Speaker 3: New Year was like ten days. And so it was
• 47:04
  Speaker 3: a way to tap more into spirituality, develop more of
• 47:07
  Speaker 3: a meditation practice, learn some things. But also I was
• 47:10
  Speaker 3: treating it as a detox. So I had scheduled that,
• 47:15
  Speaker 3: but before I even got there, I was like I
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: was done. I was like at the end of my rope,
• 47:20
  Speaker 3: and I told her what was going on, and you know,
• 47:24
  Speaker 3: she she heard me, and I just sobbed harder I
• 47:27
  Speaker 3: think than I'd ever sobbed. And I was just releasing
• 47:30
  Speaker 3: all the stuff from the marriage, from you know, losing
• 47:35
  Speaker 3: the company, and just years of unchecked emotion just came
• 47:41
  Speaker 3: out in that session with her crying, telling her what,
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: like how how scared I was, and she said, okay,
• 47:51
  Speaker 3: like she actually didn't say anything that I was just
• 47:53
  Speaker 3: like word vomiting, energy spewing during that.
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: Call being a good listener.
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly. And because I was at that point where
• 48:01
  Speaker 3: I don't think that I was suicidal, but I just
• 48:05
  Speaker 3: didn't care, right and and so she said, you know
• 48:10
  Speaker 3: this is this is darkness. You're bringing it to the
• 48:12
  Speaker 3: light and want to gets the light vaporizes. But I
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: need you to do something for me. I need you
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: to call your two closest friends or family members. I
• 48:20
  Speaker 3: need you to call two people and tell them the
• 48:22
  Speaker 3: exact same thing that you told me. And I was like,
• 48:25
  Speaker 3: I can't do that. That's this is my deep, dark secret,
• 48:29
  Speaker 3: Like I don't yeah, I don't wanna. I don't want
• 48:32
  Speaker 3: to affect my relationships. And so I know I knew
• 48:35
  Speaker 3: who I was going to call. I knew that my
• 48:36
  Speaker 3: two closest guy friends, and I just it was I
• 48:41
  Speaker 3: dreaded doing it because we had such beautiful friendships. I
• 48:44
  Speaker 3: didn't want it to somehow tarnish their opinion of me
• 48:50
  Speaker 3: or make it feel like they have to check in
• 48:52
  Speaker 3: on me and just change the dynamic of relationship. But
• 48:56
  Speaker 3: I did it. Anyways, that same night, I was like, hey,
• 48:59
  Speaker 3: I'm about to go on retreat, like, let's find a call.
• 49:02
  Speaker 3: Need I need to tell you something? And so I
• 49:04
  Speaker 3: told them what I told Tracy, and they're like, honestly, men,
• 49:08
  Speaker 3: like this brings us way closer together. I'm honored that
• 49:14
  Speaker 3: you trust me enough with this information that it's an honor.
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: I'm your brother, I'm here for you, and it we've
• 49:24
  Speaker 3: been way closer ever since. And so like it was
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: the opposite of what I expected to have happen. Beautiful well,
• 49:33
  Speaker 3: absolutely so getting that out, showing it to someone, saying like,
• 49:37
  Speaker 3: here's my darkness, this is what it looks like. Here
• 49:43
  Speaker 3: it is. I didn't expect anything in return. They didn't.
• 49:45
  Speaker 3: I just had to show it to someone and just.
• 49:48
  Speaker 1: They didn't cow away or say no, judge or shame.
• 49:52
  Speaker 2: No.
• 49:52
  Speaker 3: What actually came out was like, oh, I was there too.
• 49:56
  Speaker 3: I stood on a bridge actually, and and they told
• 50:00
  Speaker 3: me their story and so my vulnerability gave them permission
• 50:04
  Speaker 3: to do the same. And so we are so tight
• 50:08
  Speaker 3: now because of that, and now we share so openly
• 50:13
  Speaker 3: all these vulnerable things that's going on with our lives,
• 50:15
  Speaker 3: and so it just got so much deeper those friendships.
• 50:19
  Speaker 3: And so bringing that to the light just before going
• 50:22
  Speaker 3: on retreat was like the perfect recipe of the way
• 50:26
  Speaker 3: this all transformed. So I was able to get that
• 50:29
  Speaker 3: out and then go clean up, and I learned it
• 50:35
  Speaker 3: was a yogai on retreat, So as you know, talking
• 50:37
  Speaker 3: about the Eight Limbs of Yoga. I just thought it
• 50:41
  Speaker 3: was a yoga and meditation retreat. I pictured sitting doing
• 50:44
  Speaker 3: meditation and doing yoga asanas. It was not that at all.
• 50:48
  Speaker 3: It was a spiritual philosophy class at six am and
• 50:50
  Speaker 3: six pm every day. And we were in the Himalayas,
• 50:55
  Speaker 3: you know, the on a Pernter range and Machuputrie fish
• 50:59
  Speaker 3: hill mountains, like right across the lake from us. We
• 51:02
  Speaker 3: were just outside of Polkara, and so just getting up
• 51:08
  Speaker 3: before sunrise every day and drinking this like slimy green
• 51:11
  Speaker 3: Iuvedic liquid which is a detox flush, and then we
• 51:16
  Speaker 3: went to class and we would learn about about the
• 51:25
  Speaker 3: eight limbs of of yoga and.
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: Yogi.
• 51:30
  Speaker 3: Raj is the guy that leads it, and he is.
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: The real yoga and not the stuff that we see in.
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: The spa physical movement. But the philosophy is.
• 51:38
  Speaker 3: Exactly yeah, yep, exactly, And so I didn't I kind
• 51:44
  Speaker 3: of knew about that, but nowhere near as in depth
• 51:48
  Speaker 3: as this was. And so we would sit for two
• 51:50
  Speaker 3: hours every morning and take notes and then he'd give
• 51:54
  Speaker 3: us homework. So we'd have a light breakfast and then
• 51:57
  Speaker 3: we'd have basically the whole middle of the day to
• 52:01
  Speaker 3: do whatever we want. And he's got all this land.
• 52:04
  Speaker 3: They grow all their own food there, and they've got
• 52:06
  Speaker 3: this hill with a view of the on a print
• 52:09
  Speaker 3: range that's just unbelievable. And so I would just sit
• 52:13
  Speaker 3: up there for hours and meditate and journal and you know,
• 52:17
  Speaker 3: diligently want to be a good student, doing the homework.
• 52:22
  Speaker 3: And then he also taught me pooja, so how to
• 52:25
  Speaker 3: do poja, so every morning, you know, lighting off the
• 52:29
  Speaker 3: lamp and chanting certain mantras and directing it toward a
• 52:32
  Speaker 3: certain deity. And so I took that with me, and
• 52:39
  Speaker 3: I for like up until like a few months ago,
• 52:42
  Speaker 3: I was doing it every day, morning and night. And
• 52:47
  Speaker 3: so that definitely brought a dimension to my life and
• 52:52
  Speaker 3: my spiritual practice that I feel like just cleansed my
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: consciousness in general. So that was extremely useful. Now I've
• 53:01
  Speaker 3: adapted that in a different way. I I don't I
• 53:04
  Speaker 3: don't do pooja right now, but I do sing mantras
• 53:08
  Speaker 3: with my shreeti box every morning. I try to do
• 53:11
  Speaker 3: that every day. Similar energy, just in a different format. Creativity, yeah, exactly.
• 53:20
  Speaker 3: But during that retreat, this does connect with gate ofmal
• 53:23
  Speaker 3: So during that retreat, before we did anything, he did
• 53:29
  Speaker 3: a vedic astrology reading. So there was only three of us,
• 53:32
  Speaker 3: and he has to vet everyone astrologically beforehand, so you
• 53:36
  Speaker 3: give him your your birth date, time in place, and
• 53:41
  Speaker 3: then it turns it turns out like he turned out.
• 53:44
  Speaker 3: He turned away another American couple that was supposed to
• 53:46
  Speaker 3: be on their retreat because our charts clashed mine and theirs,
• 53:51
  Speaker 3: and he could tell that I needed the healing way
• 53:54
  Speaker 3: more than they did, so he turned them away, brought
• 53:58
  Speaker 3: me in. Then it was I was there with two
• 53:59
  Speaker 3: other women and from Saudi Arabia, And so the start
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: of the retreat, like nine in the morning, he reads
• 54:06
  Speaker 3: your chart. So one on one he brought us over
• 54:09
  Speaker 3: and he did a reading based on just those numbers
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: that I gave him, and he knew things about me
• 54:17
  Speaker 3: that no one knows, not even my parents. And I'm like,
• 54:20
  Speaker 3: how does he? How does he know these very very
• 54:24
  Speaker 3: intimate specific things, Like he mapped out the whole course
• 54:27
  Speaker 3: of my life he saw exactly like to the date
• 54:30
  Speaker 3: when I got divorced, and very very specific things, but
• 54:34
  Speaker 3: like one one thing in particular, because I was I
• 54:37
  Speaker 3: was wondering what to do with my life. And he's like,
• 54:41
  Speaker 3: this is extremely specific. It's like how much do you
• 54:44
  Speaker 3: want to know? You have to be careful with how
• 54:45
  Speaker 3: much you know because it's all written. He's like, I
• 54:47
  Speaker 3: can see into your past life, so I can tell
• 54:50
  Speaker 3: you how to repair past life karma, and I can
• 54:53
  Speaker 3: see up until when you're eighty years old. And he's like,
• 54:56
  Speaker 3: how much do you want to know? I was like,
• 54:58
  Speaker 3: I don't know. I just I kind of I want
• 55:00
  Speaker 3: to feel like life's still a bit of a mystery,
• 55:03
  Speaker 3: but I do need I am stuck on a few things.
• 55:05
  Speaker 3: So the people who bought the company, they hired me
• 55:08
  Speaker 3: to write a book which is basically a founder's journey
• 55:11
  Speaker 3: of the business, and it's also a guidebook for other
• 55:15
  Speaker 3: social entrepreneurs that want to work with artisans how to
• 55:18
  Speaker 3: talk about cultural appropriation these types of things. So they
• 55:22
  Speaker 3: hired me to write that book. And it's a massive undertaking.
• 55:25
  Speaker 3: So I didn't know if I wanted to do that
• 55:28
  Speaker 3: or not, and so I needed guidance on that. I
• 55:32
  Speaker 3: didn't tell him that, And I needed to know if
• 55:36
  Speaker 3: I'm going to find love again in life, and yeah,
• 55:43
  Speaker 3: I needed to have some inkling of like what my
• 55:45
  Speaker 3: future would be, like what my vocation would be, so
• 55:51
  Speaker 3: like ahead of time, he's like, just have those in mind,
• 55:52
  Speaker 3: don't tell me. He's like, I don't care. I don't
• 55:55
  Speaker 3: He's like, I don't know this boy in front of me.
• 55:56
  Speaker 3: He's like, I only know this guy. This is your
• 55:58
  Speaker 3: higher self in this chart. And so he one specific
• 56:06
  Speaker 3: thing that jumped out. He's like, Okay, this guy wants
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: to live in a wooden house on water, like a lake,
• 56:14
  Speaker 3: and there's like mountains or volcanoes there. And he just
• 56:18
  Speaker 3: said that, and then he moved on to the next
• 56:20
  Speaker 3: detail and he's like, this guy also wants blah blah
• 56:21
  Speaker 3: blah blah blah. And I was like, how do you
• 56:23
  Speaker 3: know that?
• 56:24
  Speaker 1: Like that?
• 56:24
  Speaker 3: Like literally the month before that retreat, I was in Guatemala.
• 56:27
  Speaker 3: I found that place, I decided to rent it, and
• 56:32
  Speaker 3: I was like, he's probably mentioning that place, and so
• 56:34
  Speaker 3: I took videos of the villa in Guatemala just for myself.
• 56:39
  Speaker 3: And then a few days after my reading, when we
• 56:41
  Speaker 3: were into the retreat, like some halfway through or whatever,
• 56:43
  Speaker 3: I was like, I'm gonna show him these videos, not
• 56:45
  Speaker 3: tell him what it is. And I'm like, what is that?
• 56:48
  Speaker 3: He's like, oh, that's your house. Like what okay? Cool,
• 56:52
  Speaker 3: He's like yeah, He's like where is this. I was like, Guatemala.
• 56:54
  Speaker 3: He's like, who whose is it. I'm like, I'm gonna
• 56:58
  Speaker 3: live there. He's like, yes, okay, good' that's what I saw. Well,
• 57:02
  Speaker 3: So I was like okay. He's like, you're on the
• 57:04
  Speaker 3: right path. Go go to Guatemala. And then he checked
• 57:07
  Speaker 3: later he's like he's there's actually a portal between Guatemala
• 57:10
  Speaker 3: and Nepaul. And had a lot of wild experiences there.
• 57:16
  Speaker 3: Like I was up on the hill meditating, and while
• 57:19
  Speaker 3: I was meditating, I went into this like blissful state
• 57:24
  Speaker 3: and I saw this this portal, like this never ending
• 57:28
  Speaker 3: tunnel was like purple and green, and it was in
• 57:30
  Speaker 3: the shape of a mandala, just just a long tunnel,
• 57:35
  Speaker 3: and I just I've never experienced that type of bliss
• 57:39
  Speaker 3: before or since. And I did not know what was
• 57:42
  Speaker 3: going on. And I was just like, because I was
• 57:44
  Speaker 3: completely sober.
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: Just prior to medicine journeys.
• 57:48
  Speaker 3: Prior to plant medicine. Yeah, and I later I drew
• 57:52
  Speaker 3: the shape of that tunnel to him and uh, I
• 57:58
  Speaker 3: was like, when I was up there, I was I
• 58:00
  Speaker 3: saw that and I was in something. He's like, you
• 58:04
  Speaker 3: saw this up there, and he's like, Okay, that's unique.
• 58:08
  Speaker 3: No one else has experienced that. But my hill is
• 58:12
  Speaker 3: directly between there's a place east of Katmandu where they
• 58:17
  Speaker 3: believe the original Om came to earth to Mount Kailash,
• 58:23
  Speaker 3: which is like the holiest mountain in Hindu faith. And
• 58:28
  Speaker 3: his hill is directly in the path of that original
• 58:31
  Speaker 3: home location where there's a temple now in Mount Kailash.
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: And he's like, that is a very powerful portal. And
• 58:37
  Speaker 3: you know a lot of us mystic spend time on
• 58:40
  Speaker 3: this hill because of that. And he's like the fact
• 58:43
  Speaker 3: that you felt that is special. And so he invited
• 58:48
  Speaker 3: me to get involved with this temple project he's building,
• 58:52
  Speaker 3: and near that same home center, he's building a spiritual center.
• 58:58
  Speaker 3: It's built now, and so I donated to that and
• 59:01
  Speaker 3: helped build a little bit of I just not a
• 59:04
  Speaker 3: lot of money, but you know, some to help out.
• 59:06
  Speaker 3: And they're teaching people how to channel cosmic energy in
• 59:10
  Speaker 3: that location. And so I haven't been there yet, Like
• 59:16
  Speaker 3: I guess I have my name on a plaque somewhere
• 59:17
  Speaker 3: over there, So I want to go back and visit him.
• 59:21
  Speaker 3: So he and I are involved in that project. But
• 59:24
  Speaker 3: he's also saying, like this guy he always referred to
• 59:27
  Speaker 3: me as this guy, and he pointed out the page.
• 59:29
  Speaker 3: He's like, this guy will be back to nipaal many times.
• 59:32
  Speaker 3: And he even offered me land. He's like, this guy
• 59:37
  Speaker 3: was always wanted to build like an eco resort or
• 59:39
  Speaker 3: some sort of school or creativity center. And he's like,
• 59:45
  Speaker 3: you can have this land. He's like, you pay to
• 59:48
  Speaker 3: build whatever you want and we'll just split everything fifty
• 59:50
  Speaker 3: to fifty. Like I don't even know you, man, He's like, yes,
• 59:54
  Speaker 3: you do. This guy knows me. And I'm like, okay, cool.
• 59:58
  Speaker 3: So so I have that to go back to if
• 1:00:02
  Speaker 3: I want. But then also he told me that I
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 3: was a journalist somehow involved with politics and the government
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 3: in the past, and I had a spiritual practice. But
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 3: I was a writer in my past life, and I
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 3: carried bad karma from that life into this life. Because
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 3: I didn't listen to my teachers in school or my
• 1:00:27
  Speaker 3: spiritual teachers, like my guru. I would just get advice
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 3: and ignore it. And because I was, I guess a
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 3: class clown and didn't listen, I have that karma which
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 3: is brought forth into this life, and so I can
• 1:00:44
  Speaker 3: repair that by not He's like, you can never be
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 3: a teacher because of this. Also, you can't talk very well,
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 3: like okay, it's like you're good at talking about things
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 3: that you like, but you're just not a teacher. So
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 3: he's like, I could see you developing a school or
• 1:00:58
  Speaker 3: a center of some sort and designing that space the curriculum,
• 1:01:03
  Speaker 3: bringing people in, but you're not the teacher, Like, okay,
• 1:01:06
  Speaker 3: take it easy, and so he's like, you, but you
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 3: can repair it by donating to various school projects to students,
• 1:01:16
  Speaker 3: and so I did get involved in that, and he's like,
• 1:01:18
  Speaker 3: but you can't do it performatively. This is actually the
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 3: first time I've talked about it in public. So he's like,
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 3: if you do it performatively, or if you do it
• 1:01:26
  Speaker 3: specifically to repair karma, it has the opposite effect two times.
• 1:01:30
  Speaker 3: So he's like, just do it quietly and no expec Yeah,
• 1:01:33
  Speaker 3: just just actually want to help these students and then
• 1:01:37
  Speaker 3: do it. And so I've been doing that for a while,
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 3: contributing to various educational projects, small donations, so that and
• 1:01:48
  Speaker 3: pooja and just cleaning up my act like consciousness is elevating.
• 1:01:54
  Speaker 3: And then he also said related to you being a writer,
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 3: before you're meant to write something right now, like in
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 3: this in this lifetime, like within a one or two years,
• 1:02:04
  Speaker 3: you need to write something. And that was the book
• 1:02:08
  Speaker 3: that I didn't know if I was if I wanted
• 1:02:11
  Speaker 3: to write or not, and and I didn't even know
• 1:02:14
  Speaker 3: if I had it in me, to be honest, but
• 1:02:17
  Speaker 3: he's like yeah, And so I told him about the book.
• 1:02:19
  Speaker 3: He's like, yeah, you need to finish that project. And
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 3: he's like, it's mostly for you so that you can
• 1:02:26
  Speaker 3: leave a legacy of information. You need to get that
• 1:02:29
  Speaker 3: out and share it with people, and it will help
• 1:02:32
  Speaker 3: you move on to the next stage in your life.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 3: So check, I know where I'm gonna live. Check I
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 3: know the project that I need to do. And will
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 3: I find love again again? I didn't ask him that.
• 1:02:46
  Speaker 3: He just said, Okay, this guy has many girlfriends. I'm like, okay,
• 1:02:51
  Speaker 3: past president, future, what are we talking about. He's like, yeah,
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 3: you this guy falls in love very easy, so be careful.
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 3: And but he says, yes, I see, I see love
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 3: again in your life, and he described how that would
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 3: look and what she was like. But he also said
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 3: that I'm in K two, which is a pattern that's
• 1:03:16
  Speaker 3: stuck in Saturn energy. So we all go through this
• 1:03:19
  Speaker 3: in our life. We reach a period of time and
• 1:03:22
  Speaker 3: I don't know how long it lasts, but it's years
• 1:03:25
  Speaker 3: where we're being where everything seems to be going wrong,
• 1:03:28
  Speaker 3: like we're just being beat down by the universe because
• 1:03:30
  Speaker 3: we're being taught something. So God Creator, yes, that's that's perfect. Yeah.
• 1:03:40
  Speaker 3: I had a good, long, hard phase of learning who
• 1:03:43
  Speaker 3: I'm not and I'm still I'm still kind of in it,
• 1:03:47
  Speaker 3: like I'm I'm dampening the effect because what he said
• 1:03:51
  Speaker 3: to me is like I was like, can you help
• 1:03:53
  Speaker 3: me get out of it faster? He's like, he's like,
• 1:03:56
  Speaker 3: it's like the winter, Like I can't stop the winter,
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 3: but I can give you.
• 1:03:59
  Speaker 1: A blank it.
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 3: He's like, that's what this is. So he's like, you
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 3: need to elevate your consciousness so you can lessen Saturn's
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 3: blows against you, but you have to also be really
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 3: tuned into what you're meant to learn through this. Every
• 1:04:14
  Speaker 3: time something bad happens, say what am I meant to
• 1:04:17
  Speaker 3: learn from this? Which resonated with me because I really
• 1:04:21
  Speaker 3: loved Victor Frankel's book man search for meaning. Yeah, and
• 1:04:28
  Speaker 3: so so that was that was helpful and so being
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 3: in that in that in the K two stage, she said,
• 1:04:36
  Speaker 3: it ends when you're forty five. I'm forty three now.
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 3: He's like, I was like, really that long? And that
• 1:04:41
  Speaker 3: was like two or three years ago. I was like,
• 1:04:44
  Speaker 3: I do well, I had to wait that long. Really.
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 3: He's like yeah, He's like, that's when it happens for you.
• 1:04:49
  Speaker 3: But he's like, age forty five, things get really nice
• 1:04:52
  Speaker 3: for this guy. He's like, I see lots of people
• 1:04:55
  Speaker 3: around you, lots of success. He's like, you'll never be
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 3: a rich man. You'll be like medium medium wealthy. He said,
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 3: but this guy has a beautiful, beautiful life and many
• 1:05:07
  Speaker 3: good relationships and inspiring helping young people. So I'm like
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 3: that sounds great. Sounds great to me. And I was like,
• 1:05:16
  Speaker 3: but I won't be wealthy. He's like, live simple, die simple.
• 1:05:20
  Speaker 3: This guy. I was like, okay. But ironically, when Adrian
• 1:05:25
  Speaker 3: and I started dating, we had him read her chart
• 1:05:28
  Speaker 3: and our our joint chart to see if we're compatible.
• 1:05:31
  Speaker 3: Apparently we come from the Stames, the same star system.
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 3: It's wild with the reading that he did for both
• 1:05:37
  Speaker 3: of us and for her individually, but it seems like
• 1:05:40
  Speaker 3: that part has changed. He's like, this guy now has
• 1:05:45
  Speaker 3: good earnings, good earnings, so there will be wealth. I'm like, how,
• 1:05:49
  Speaker 3: but how did that change? He's like, he's like, you
• 1:05:53
  Speaker 3: have to learn that. I'm not going to tell you, like,
• 1:05:56
  Speaker 3: but he doesn't say it like that. Like Eastern mystics
• 1:05:58
  Speaker 3: are funny. They speak in rich. You have to like
• 1:06:00
  Speaker 3: kind of like translate for or someff like can you
• 1:06:02
  Speaker 3: just give me? Can you answer the question please?
• 1:06:04
  Speaker 1: It's like the matrix.
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 3: It's like you answer with a punsel metaphor. Yeah, it's
• 1:06:10
  Speaker 3: so much metaphor and it's beautiful and it's great. But
• 1:06:13
  Speaker 3: eventually you do understand exactly what they meant, but it
• 1:06:18
  Speaker 3: you're not meant to know it at that time. And
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 3: they know that, so they say it in a way
• 1:06:23
  Speaker 3: that's going to resonate with you, ripple out into the future,
• 1:06:26
  Speaker 3: so like in a year or a few months, they
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 3: know that's when it needs to hit.
• 1:06:31
  Speaker 1: Well. And if they spell something out for you, they say,
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: you know, A plus B equals see they put that,
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: put the equation out there for you. It creates an
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: expectation where you're you're you can get lost in the
• 1:06:45
  Speaker 1: in how things show up and miss actually miss the
• 1:06:49
  Speaker 1: the signposts along the way they're guiding you to what.
• 1:06:52
  Speaker 3: Exactly telling you is going to happen exactly, and you
• 1:06:55
  Speaker 3: can attach, you attach yourself to that outcome, and you
• 1:06:58
  Speaker 3: miss the opportunities, the other opportunities because if it's if
• 1:07:02
  Speaker 3: it gives you, He's like, if I give you a
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 3: specific thing, You're just going to think about that specific thing,
• 1:07:08
  Speaker 3: and you're not expanded and open enough to receive even
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 3: better gifts, right.
• 1:07:14
  Speaker 2: Because you're seeking. You spend so much time then seeking
• 1:07:17
  Speaker 2: that you aren't allowing. And allowing is such the perfect
• 1:07:21
  Speaker 2: word because exactly you have to just step back and
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 2: kind of open your arms versus being in the hustle
• 1:07:27
  Speaker 2: that you had been in earlier in your life. Exactly
• 1:07:31
  Speaker 2: sift And that was what you had to learn, exactly
• 1:07:34
  Speaker 2: because if all of a sudden he tells you that
• 1:07:36
  Speaker 2: you would have money, you'd probably you would have probably
• 1:07:40
  Speaker 2: returned to hustle.
• 1:07:41
  Speaker 3: Yep, definitely. It's like, Okay, I had to come to
• 1:07:44
  Speaker 3: terms with live simple, die simple. Yeah, And after being
• 1:07:48
  Speaker 3: so tight enough, yeah, I was like, honestly, that sounds great.
• 1:07:53
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna go to got them all to try live
• 1:07:55
  Speaker 3: simple for a while, and it's exactly what I needed.
• 1:07:58
  Speaker 3: And then so I've just come like that's that's I
• 1:08:01
  Speaker 3: have everything I need well, and so I just I
• 1:08:06
  Speaker 3: just relinquished control of everything. Let the business go, let
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 3: my knowing what my next path is going to go.
• 1:08:13
  Speaker 3: I'm just like, I'm going to finish this book. I'm
• 1:08:15
  Speaker 3: gonna have fun doing it. And I just trust the universe.
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 3: I trust the unfolding that what's meant for me will
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 3: come to me. And I just need to focus on me.
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 3: I need to focus on my physical health. I need
• 1:08:27
  Speaker 3: to focus on getting my mind right. I need to
• 1:08:30
  Speaker 3: be at peace, and I need to go to a
• 1:08:32
  Speaker 3: place where I can really nurture that. And so that
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 3: brought me to the Utah. So Guatemala just there wasn't
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 3: the snowboarding. No, well, yeah, that that too. I mean
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 3: that's obviously like icing on the cake, right, Yeah, And
• 1:08:50
  Speaker 3: that's that that brings it all the way back from
• 1:08:52
  Speaker 3: like young Jake Burnt snowboards. You don't have to work
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 3: for it, just go do it. Go go to a
• 1:08:56
  Speaker 3: place where you can do it.
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 1: Yep.
• 1:08:58
  Speaker 3: And so yeah, the time in Guatemal was great, but
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 3: it was just not my long term so came back here.
• 1:09:07
  Speaker 3: I still, during all this time hadn't seen my dad
• 1:09:10
  Speaker 3: for since before the pandemic, so I hadn't seen him
• 1:09:14
  Speaker 3: physically for three years, and during a lot of my
• 1:09:17
  Speaker 3: work with Tracy, like, I've always had not a contentious
• 1:09:20
  Speaker 3: relationship with my dad, but we just haven't really been
• 1:09:22
  Speaker 3: that close, and he just is we never really saw
• 1:09:24
  Speaker 3: I I've always had kind of like a alternative liberal lifestyle,
• 1:09:29
  Speaker 3: and he's, you know, cut your hair, get a job
• 1:09:33
  Speaker 3: kind of guy. Yeah, But I always, you know, I
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 3: was carrying around this core wound of just getting dad's approval.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 3: So when my parents divorced when I was five, I
• 1:09:47
  Speaker 3: felt like I had to be the man of the house.
• 1:09:48
  Speaker 3: But I was a child and so and not having
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 3: dad around, I would only see him once every two weeks.
• 1:09:54
  Speaker 3: He'd come to our sporting events. I just desperately wanted
• 1:09:57
  Speaker 3: him to see me do stuff and cheer me on.
• 1:10:00
  Speaker 3: And so that carried me through my whole life and
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 3: it led to perfectionism on the shadow side, but it
• 1:10:07
  Speaker 3: also led to a strong work ethic and being an
• 1:10:10
  Speaker 3: achiever and like just really working hard, trying to do
• 1:10:13
  Speaker 3: a good job at everything I do. So there's a
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 3: light in a dark to that little core wound. But
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 3: while I was doing this work with Tracy during the pandemic,
• 1:10:24
  Speaker 3: she had us do chair work to fix the relationship
• 1:10:27
  Speaker 3: between my dad and myself, where I put a chair
• 1:10:30
  Speaker 3: in front of me. I sat in a chair and
• 1:10:33
  Speaker 3: I say the things that are unsaid to my dad,
• 1:10:37
  Speaker 3: and then I go sit in his chair as him
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 3: and speak to me and say the things that he's
• 1:10:43
  Speaker 3: never said to me from him. And I just kept
• 1:10:46
  Speaker 3: doing that, back and forth and back and forth and
• 1:10:48
  Speaker 3: back and forth. And that was profound because, like I
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 3: got into kind of a meditative hypnotic state beforehand, so
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 3: when I would sit in the chair, I really was
• 1:10:57
  Speaker 3: I could see my eight year old self, five year
• 1:11:00
  Speaker 3: old self.
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 1:11:02
  Speaker 3: And I was able to, you know, say like you
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 3: were my first kid. We were barely scraping by financially.
• 1:11:10
  Speaker 3: I was completely freaked out. We were in our twenties.
• 1:11:13
  Speaker 3: I didn't know what to do. I did the best
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 3: I could. I'm so sorry I was able to say
• 1:11:17
  Speaker 3: all these things, and I'm just sobbing. I was sobbing
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 3: as my dad, and I was sobbing as me and
• 1:11:22
  Speaker 3: so we had this cathartic loop and it just it
• 1:11:26
  Speaker 3: just broke the cycle. And so he started calling me more.
• 1:11:30
  Speaker 3: When I was still living in Bali and when I
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 3: was on this walk about after the divorce and the
• 1:11:33
  Speaker 3: company sale, I went back to Minnesota and I said, hey, like,
• 1:11:39
  Speaker 3: can I come busy you like you want to do
• 1:11:40
  Speaker 3: a road trip together? And he said absolutely, I would
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 3: love that. And so I drove my car through you know, Campton,
• 1:11:50
  Speaker 3: South Dakota and Colorado, went to some live music in Colorado,
• 1:11:55
  Speaker 3: and then picked him up. He lives in Henderson, Nevada,
• 1:11:59
  Speaker 3: and because he only had a week off, he's like,
• 1:12:01
  Speaker 3: we don't have much time, Let's do Utah. And uh
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 3: so we drove Utah and he said, okay, well end
• 1:12:07
  Speaker 3: in Park City. I know a good place for burgers.
• 1:12:10
  Speaker 3: Let's go there and then you can keep going on
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 3: to Glacier, Montana. That was the plan for me at
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 3: the time. And uh before we kicked off, like things
• 1:12:19
  Speaker 3: were already so much lighter between us, and I was like, wow,
• 1:12:23
  Speaker 3: it's gotta be because this this chair work and just
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 3: like energetically broke the cycle. It's like, I don't know
• 1:12:30
  Speaker 3: what kind of witchcraft you got going on, Tracy, but
• 1:12:33
  Speaker 3: I love you. I'm seeing the impact, yeah for sure.
• 1:12:38
  Speaker 3: But still we both were like, what are we gonna
• 1:12:40
  Speaker 3: even talk about? We're gonna be locked in the car
• 1:12:43
  Speaker 3: together for hours and we haven't. We haven't hung out
• 1:12:47
  Speaker 3: as adults like this ever, and so like we just
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 3: got started rolling, and as soon as we started driving,
• 1:12:55
  Speaker 3: my dad just started talking about what it was like
• 1:12:57
  Speaker 3: to be a first time parent, what his childhood was like,
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 3: and it was so beautiful, Like we had moments where
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 3: I knew this was like very precious time with my dad,
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 3: and so I just like.
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 1: I bet a lot of it was that stuff you
• 1:13:12
  Speaker 1: were saying to yourself in the chair one d percent.
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I'm like he now he's saying it, wow,
• 1:13:17
  Speaker 3: this is wild.
• 1:13:18
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 3: And just because I knew his health is sliding a
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 3: little bit, like physically he's kind of rickety and the
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 3: knees used to be a marathon runner, but that he's
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 3: he's pretty healthy. But I but seeing him kind of
• 1:13:28
  Speaker 3: limp around. I'm seeing time's effect and it's now really
• 1:13:34
  Speaker 3: sinking in with my own life too, Like we're getting older,
• 1:13:37
  Speaker 3: and so I really want to make sure to make
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 3: this the best possible, and I want to document it,
• 1:13:44
  Speaker 3: so photos and videos are one thing. But when we
• 1:13:46
  Speaker 3: were in the car after Bryce Canyon, he was just
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 3: like lost in thought. He was looking at a like
• 1:13:53
  Speaker 3: a National Park map and just like reading every word.
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 3: And I was like, I want to record some audio
• 1:13:59
  Speaker 3: of him. So I put my phone like on the
• 1:14:02
  Speaker 3: audit voice memo record and I was like, pop, some driving,
• 1:14:05
  Speaker 3: what are you reading? Tell me what's going on? And
• 1:14:08
  Speaker 3: he was just talking about what he was reading. He
• 1:14:09
  Speaker 3: was like, there's these birds and then they call these
• 1:14:11
  Speaker 3: things hoodoos. That's a cool name. And then he just
• 1:14:14
  Speaker 3: was reading this stream of consciousness from my dad from
• 1:14:18
  Speaker 3: the place we just were and nothing profound, but so
• 1:14:22
  Speaker 3: cute and great. And I was like, okay, that is
• 1:14:26
  Speaker 3: a moment captured of my dad and I on that trip.
• 1:14:30
  Speaker 3: And so yeah, it was a really beautiful trip that
• 1:14:33
  Speaker 3: we had together. We just talked NonStop the whole way through.
• 1:14:36
  Speaker 3: We were like little kids. We were so much younger
• 1:14:38
  Speaker 3: than we actually are now when we were together on
• 1:14:40
  Speaker 3: that And then we ended in Park City as per
• 1:14:45
  Speaker 3: the plan. And then I had come to Utah a
• 1:14:49
  Speaker 3: bunch of times in the past for the Bad Company
• 1:14:51
  Speaker 3: launched it here at outdoor retailer so Lake City in
• 1:14:55
  Speaker 3: year one. So Utah has always been a part of
• 1:14:58
  Speaker 3: the story, and so I forgot how much I loved
• 1:15:03
  Speaker 3: Utah and Park City was beautiful. It was fall and
• 1:15:10
  Speaker 3: I didn't have a home. I didn't have anywhere to live.
• 1:15:12
  Speaker 3: I was like, what if I lived here, that would
• 1:15:14
  Speaker 3: be pretty cool. I still have to travel internationally a
• 1:15:16
  Speaker 3: lot for work. And I was already thinking this, and
• 1:15:20
  Speaker 3: that's why I went to Colorado in the first place.
• 1:15:23
  Speaker 3: But I want to be in the mountains, but I
• 1:15:24
  Speaker 3: need to be close to the airport to do that.
• 1:15:26
  Speaker 3: In Colorado, you're like two hours out. And so Utah
• 1:15:31
  Speaker 3: checked a lot of boxes. And so after I brought
• 1:15:34
  Speaker 3: him to the airport to fly back to Vegas, I
• 1:15:38
  Speaker 3: went back to Park City and started looking for places
• 1:15:41
  Speaker 3: to rent, just to get an idea of what it
• 1:15:43
  Speaker 3: would be like. And then I put a deposit down
• 1:15:48
  Speaker 3: on an apartment in Park City and then didn't go
• 1:15:51
  Speaker 3: to Montana. I drove back to Minnesota packed all my
• 1:15:53
  Speaker 3: shit came back out. Wow, and just like.
• 1:15:56
  Speaker 2: That, And when was that?
• 1:15:59
  Speaker 3: That was that? I was two years ago? Yeah, that
• 1:16:01
  Speaker 3: was like I want to say, September. Yeah, almost exactly
• 1:16:07
  Speaker 3: two years ago. Wow, yeah, twenty three then yes, yes,
• 1:16:12
  Speaker 3: almost exactly two years a little over. And so that
• 1:16:17
  Speaker 3: was to me like on a whim, it's like I
• 1:16:20
  Speaker 3: want to be in the US. I've always wanted to
• 1:16:23
  Speaker 3: lived west. I'm a snowboarder, need to be close to
• 1:16:27
  Speaker 3: your report, Like it's just let's just go, let's just
• 1:16:30
  Speaker 3: do it. It's also a place where I don't know anyone.
• 1:16:33
  Speaker 3: Turns out, I actually do know a lot of people here.
• 1:16:36
  Speaker 3: But I was trying to say, Okay, I want to
• 1:16:38
  Speaker 3: move to a place in the mountains where I don't
• 1:16:41
  Speaker 3: know anyone, and all I'm going to do is write
• 1:16:43
  Speaker 3: a book, do yoga and trail run. I'm just going
• 1:16:46
  Speaker 3: to focus on this project, ending the ethmetic chapter the
• 1:16:50
  Speaker 3: best possible way, and then just yeah, taking care of myself.
• 1:16:54
  Speaker 3: And so I did that. I wrote every day, you know,
• 1:16:58
  Speaker 3: got out in the mountains every day. And then as
• 1:17:01
  Speaker 3: I was coming to the end of the book, like
• 1:17:05
  Speaker 3: I had realized like that I had come full circle,
• 1:17:09
  Speaker 3: like where I started the Ethmetech journey, I'm ending it
• 1:17:12
  Speaker 3: in the same exact place. Just unconsciously, I just I
• 1:17:16
  Speaker 3: thought I came out here just circle for funsies.
• 1:17:18
  Speaker 1: It's a circle.
• 1:17:19
  Speaker 3: It's a circle.
• 1:17:20
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 1:17:21
  Speaker 3: And that completed itself and it just ended like almost Yeah,
• 1:17:28
  Speaker 3: we did the show. The first show was like July
• 1:17:32
  Speaker 3: August twenty twelve, I want to say, because I launched
• 1:17:37
  Speaker 3: the visin in twenty eleven and then it ended in
• 1:17:42
  Speaker 3: July August twenty twenty three, well in the same exact place.
• 1:17:47
  Speaker 3: And I couldn't have planned that. It just it just
• 1:17:49
  Speaker 3: happened that way.
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 1:17:50
  Speaker 3: And so I was like, that's perfect, like that, that's
• 1:17:52
  Speaker 3: how this literally this book ends. And so I just
• 1:17:57
  Speaker 3: wrote my heart out every day for really like eight months,
• 1:18:03
  Speaker 3: but I worked on it for two years. I ended
• 1:18:05
  Speaker 3: up hiring an editor like a year into it, and
• 1:18:07
  Speaker 3: I'm like this, I'm just making a mess of this thing.
• 1:18:10
  Speaker 3: But I had to like just flush for a while.
• 1:18:12
  Speaker 3: And then he brought structure in. His name's Fhraseries from Scotland.
• 1:18:16
  Speaker 3: I met him in Bali. He's my best friend and
• 1:18:19
  Speaker 3: he's a writer, journalist, videographer. He mostly does environmental documentaries,
• 1:18:25
  Speaker 3: so he's worked with Vice and BBC and he does
• 1:18:29
  Speaker 3: amazing projects. So he brought structure and he also knows
• 1:18:32
  Speaker 3: me really well personally, so he knew when I wasn't
• 1:18:35
  Speaker 3: being real right, and he was able to just prod
• 1:18:39
  Speaker 3: the right way. And then you know, each section. He's like,
• 1:18:41
  Speaker 3: this is called the chapter hook. You write that, you're
• 1:18:43
  Speaker 3: a chapter thesis. You write the body of it, and
• 1:18:45
  Speaker 3: he come back to the hook. I'm like, okay, cool,
• 1:18:47
  Speaker 3: that's great. He's right, only write this amount of words here.
• 1:18:51
  Speaker 3: And when I was still in Portugal, I wrote. He's like,
• 1:18:53
  Speaker 3: I was like, I don't even know where to start.
• 1:18:55
  Speaker 3: He's like, just write the intro. He's like fifteen hundred words.
• 1:18:57
  Speaker 3: Only he's like, find the right time of day when
• 1:19:00
  Speaker 3: you feel like you can do that. So it was
• 1:19:02
  Speaker 3: nine in the morning, I was in Porto, I had
• 1:19:04
  Speaker 3: some coffee and had a call coming up, so I
• 1:19:07
  Speaker 3: only had I think two hours, and I wrote the
• 1:19:10
  Speaker 3: whole thing. And the first he read of any of
• 1:19:14
  Speaker 3: the work, like the book was already I felt like
• 1:19:17
  Speaker 3: half written, and he's like, most of this is we're
• 1:19:22
  Speaker 3: going to have to toss it out, man. But he's
• 1:19:24
  Speaker 3: like this though, He's like, what was going on when
• 1:19:28
  Speaker 3: you wrote this intro? And I told him the conditions,
• 1:19:30
  Speaker 3: like morning, nine o'clock, I only had a two hour window.
• 1:19:33
  Speaker 3: He's like, okay, that's your condition. He's like, you only
• 1:19:37
  Speaker 3: write at this time of day for this amount of time,
• 1:19:40
  Speaker 3: and that's what you need to get in the discipline
• 1:19:42
  Speaker 3: of doing. And so he brought a lot of guidance
• 1:19:45
  Speaker 3: to that well, but I didn't listen to him fully.
• 1:19:50
  Speaker 3: I guess that's a little bit of my past life,
• 1:19:52
  Speaker 3: not listening to my teachers, creeping right back in. Because
• 1:19:55
  Speaker 3: it was only meant to be one hundred and fifty
• 1:19:57
  Speaker 3: page book, I forgot to bring it today. I have it.
• 1:20:01
  Speaker 3: It's not fully published yet, but it's it's done. It
• 1:20:05
  Speaker 3: was meant to be one hundred and fifty page book.
• 1:20:07
  Speaker 3: It ended up being three hundred and five. But I
• 1:20:10
  Speaker 3: wrote a six hundred page book and he had to
• 1:20:12
  Speaker 3: trim it way back and he was like, bro, thirty
• 1:20:16
  Speaker 3: seven thousand words. I told you, like, that's that's the limit.
• 1:20:19
  Speaker 3: And then I was like, to be fair. In December,
• 1:20:22
  Speaker 3: I told you that I'm overwriting each chapter because I
• 1:20:26
  Speaker 3: still I have a lot in there. And you said
• 1:20:28
  Speaker 3: it's better to have more than less, so don't get crazy.
• 1:20:31
  Speaker 3: But that's fine. But I did get crazy on on
• 1:20:35
  Speaker 3: every every chapter. But I had I had to get
• 1:20:38
  Speaker 3: it out. You know, because it was just like the
• 1:20:40
  Speaker 3: thing I was going to leave behind.
• 1:20:42
  Speaker 1: Right for.
• 1:20:44
  Speaker 3: To have a title yet, Yeah, threads of Change, Threads
• 1:20:48
  Speaker 3: of Change. Yeah, it has like a subtitle, threads of Change,
• 1:20:54
  Speaker 3: weaving traditional art and modern craft. No tradition, traditional traditional
• 1:20:59
  Speaker 3: craft in my her business, that's what it is. Yeah.
• 1:21:03
  Speaker 2: So you've come now full circle. So now you're in
• 1:21:06
  Speaker 2: Salt Lake. Life has changed.
• 1:21:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, life has changed. I'm completely in love. I have
• 1:21:14
  Speaker 3: this amazing relationship.
• 1:21:17
  Speaker 1: How did you guys meet like initially and.
• 1:21:19
  Speaker 3: This is Adrian Adrian, Yeah, we met on Hinge. Yeah
• 1:21:23
  Speaker 3: that's it's a dating app. Yeah, it's a dating app.
• 1:21:26
  Speaker 3: So I was on a couple of different dating apps
• 1:21:27
  Speaker 3: and I just I don't know, it wasn't really it
• 1:21:30
  Speaker 3: wasn't working for me. I was I went on a
• 1:21:33
  Speaker 3: lot of on successful dates here where I just wasn't
• 1:21:36
  Speaker 3: finding my person. And to be honest, I was going
• 1:21:39
  Speaker 3: to leave Utah after the book was written. I was
• 1:21:42
  Speaker 3: going to go back to Bali just after one more
• 1:21:44
  Speaker 3: ski season. And that's when I found her, or she
• 1:21:49
  Speaker 3: found me. So I was going to let my membership
• 1:21:51
  Speaker 3: laps on that app that week and she like just
• 1:21:55
  Speaker 3: pinged me through the ether on like a Thursday or
• 1:21:59
  Speaker 3: something thing like that. It was like two days before
• 1:22:01
  Speaker 3: it was going to expire, and I was like, who
• 1:22:03
  Speaker 3: is this? And uh, I was sick at the time.
• 1:22:08
  Speaker 3: So that's that's another story. Like I told you, I
• 1:22:10
  Speaker 3: was really sick with COVID around the time I was divorcing,
• 1:22:13
  Speaker 3: and I had what we thought was long COVID ever since.
• 1:22:16
  Speaker 3: So every three months, I was getting like really sick
• 1:22:18
  Speaker 3: from like any common cold or flu. I was out
• 1:22:21
  Speaker 3: for like three weeks. I had like half of my life.
• 1:22:24
  Speaker 3: I was like recovering from being sick. But anyways, I was
• 1:22:26
  Speaker 3: sick at the time, so we couldn't see each other
• 1:22:28
  Speaker 3: right away, and so we just we just texted for
• 1:22:32
  Speaker 3: I think a little over a week until I felt
• 1:22:35
  Speaker 3: good enough to hang out in person. But yeah, that's
• 1:22:38
  Speaker 3: that's how we met. And I can go into that
• 1:22:41
  Speaker 3: story very compatible.
• 1:22:46
  Speaker 1: I how long was it after you guys had met
• 1:22:50
  Speaker 1: that she brought you into the music? Oh yeah, the
• 1:22:53
  Speaker 1: drum circle, because I remember the first time you showed up,
• 1:22:55
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, who's this guy?
• 1:22:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, who's this guy? Yeah? I could tell all of
• 1:22:59
  Speaker 3: our friends really lover because they were like looking at
• 1:23:01
  Speaker 3: me like we were judging. We want to make sure
• 1:23:04
  Speaker 3: that this one's compatible. Yeah, exactly. It's like we love Adrian,
• 1:23:08
  Speaker 3: you better, you better be good.
• 1:23:12
  Speaker 1: But everyone's people were being protective.
• 1:23:15
  Speaker 3: Not really, I mean people.
• 1:23:17
  Speaker 1: People, but I don't think we really were.
• 1:23:19
  Speaker 3: No, I could, I could.
• 1:23:21
  Speaker 1: I could.
• 1:23:22
  Speaker 3: I could sense the the eyeing up. Everyone here is
• 1:23:25
  Speaker 3: just nothing but love and acceptance and so friendly. But
• 1:23:28
  Speaker 3: I could sense the allegiance with Adrian, the love of
• 1:23:33
  Speaker 3: like kind of a protective friend nature, and I would
• 1:23:35
  Speaker 3: hope that she has friends like that. So I did
• 1:23:39
  Speaker 3: feel that, But also I felt that was kind of
• 1:23:44
  Speaker 3: the reason I was leaving. I just wasn't finding a
• 1:23:46
  Speaker 3: community here of this type of community which is super underground.
• 1:23:51
  Speaker 3: It's super underground, and it's it's powerful, beautiful humans. It's
• 1:23:54
  Speaker 3: it's mirrors the community I have in Bali. Actually it's
• 1:23:57
  Speaker 3: you know, like spiritual artistic.
• 1:24:01
  Speaker 1: It's outside of the cultural spirituality that exists here in Utah.
• 1:24:05
  Speaker 1: It's not I wouldn't say it's incompatible. It's just so
• 1:24:09
  Speaker 1: different that it can be judged by people sometimes definitely,
• 1:24:14
  Speaker 1: So we you know, we're we're very cognizant of keeping
• 1:24:18
  Speaker 1: things kind of connected, like we've had a couple of
• 1:24:21
  Speaker 1: different drum circles that have gotten huge, and each time
• 1:24:24
  Speaker 1: the drum circles get huge, they get wonky.
• 1:24:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's true.
• 1:24:29
  Speaker 1: People start coming in that really aren't aligned, and you
• 1:24:32
  Speaker 1: know they're there for ulterior motives other than connecting and
• 1:24:36
  Speaker 1: playing music and you know, finding community. But there's this
• 1:24:41
  Speaker 1: kind of inner circle, which Adrian was part of, kind
• 1:24:44
  Speaker 1: of the forming of that inner circle when it really
• 1:24:46
  Speaker 1: happened along with you know, probably fifteen or twenty of us.
• 1:24:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and that was that was the first time, so
• 1:24:53
  Speaker 3: we had the inner circle Stewart's drum session at her
• 1:24:57
  Speaker 3: house and I was already staying with her that weekend.
• 1:25:00
  Speaker 3: I was still living in Park City at the time,
• 1:25:02
  Speaker 3: but I was always spending on the weekends with her.
• 1:25:04
  Speaker 1: I don't remember if I was there the first time
• 1:25:06
  Speaker 1: you were there.
• 1:25:07
  Speaker 3: I was, Yeah, that was the moment of the Mecca
• 1:25:09
  Speaker 3: leakaheigh machahemy hope. There's like anyone know what that means.
• 1:25:12
  Speaker 3: I was like, pee Wee Peewee's Big Adventure.
• 1:25:17
  Speaker 1: I forgot.
• 1:25:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it was during a vocal jam you busted that.
• 1:25:21
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh, I like this guy.
• 1:25:25
  Speaker 1: I'd totally forgotten about that.
• 1:25:27
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so I think that was probably around the same
• 1:25:31
  Speaker 3: time because we started dating October a year ago, so
• 1:25:40
  Speaker 3: it must have been probably November ish that we started drumming.
• 1:25:45
  Speaker 3: And then I started coming to more of those, and uh,
• 1:25:49
  Speaker 3: I was scared and I was nervous. I was like,
• 1:25:52
  Speaker 3: I don't know, like this community is so important to her,
• 1:25:55
  Speaker 3: she's like deeply entrenched.
• 1:25:57
  Speaker 1: She's I.
• 1:25:59
  Speaker 3: Love this woman, so my I just want to make
• 1:26:00
  Speaker 3: a good impression. I also want this so much for
• 1:26:04
  Speaker 3: myself too, because I missed drumming and I wanted to
• 1:26:08
  Speaker 3: get back into it. But I hadn't picked up drumsticks
• 1:26:11
  Speaker 3: or a drum, like I said, since college, so this
• 1:26:14
  Speaker 3: a long time ago. And so I was like, I
• 1:26:16
  Speaker 3: don't know if I can even do this anymore, but
• 1:26:20
  Speaker 3: I really want I really want it. And so I
• 1:26:22
  Speaker 3: was nervous, but we all just locked in right away,
• 1:26:27
  Speaker 3: and yeah, it just lit my soul up, like it's
• 1:26:30
  Speaker 3: just so just go to a place of creativity and
• 1:26:36
  Speaker 3: peace when in these circles, And yeah, you're right, it
• 1:26:41
  Speaker 3: doesn't happen all the time. It happens, you know, when
• 1:26:44
  Speaker 3: it's smaller and people just lock into a certain frequency,
• 1:26:50
  Speaker 3: And we did that day I was like, is it
• 1:26:53
  Speaker 3: always like that, just like with this group? Yeah, pretty much,
• 1:26:58
  Speaker 3: not always with the bigger groups. But today was actually
• 1:27:02
  Speaker 3: pretty special too. She's like she acknowledged that today was special.
• 1:27:06
  Speaker 3: She's like, it was weird that we all like ended
• 1:27:08
  Speaker 3: every gym perfectly on the like we just knew when
• 1:27:11
  Speaker 3: it was done. And uh, A lot of times it
• 1:27:15
  Speaker 3: goes into the term I love from you, which is
• 1:27:18
  Speaker 3: a spontaneous disassembly.
• 1:27:20
  Speaker 1: Yeah. My friend Mike is the one because he's he's
• 1:27:27
  Speaker 1: a structured African rhythm drummer, okay, and so you know
• 1:27:32
  Speaker 1: those are they have structured endings, And we always had
• 1:27:35
  Speaker 1: this thing and he and every time we would do it,
• 1:27:37
  Speaker 1: he would say that this spont or spontaneous disassembly.
• 1:27:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm going to say that, that's so good. That's
• 1:27:45
  Speaker 3: exactly what it is.
• 1:27:47
  Speaker 1: That's usually out ends.
• 1:27:49
  Speaker 3: That's part of the process too, you know.
• 1:27:51
  Speaker 1: So so.
• 1:27:53
  Speaker 3: So she brought that huge missing component of my life
• 1:27:57
  Speaker 3: here in the US and in and in Utah, because
• 1:27:59
  Speaker 3: even I was living back home in Minnesota, I don't
• 1:28:02
  Speaker 3: have these types of people. Granted, I probably wasn't looking
• 1:28:07
  Speaker 3: hard enough, and I know I wasn't looking hard enough
• 1:28:10
  Speaker 3: when I was living here because that was not my mission.
• 1:28:12
  Speaker 3: My mission was finish the book, do the thing right,
• 1:28:15
  Speaker 3: and then see yeah, so I can't really I was
• 1:28:19
  Speaker 3: kind of resigning I think a little too early because
• 1:28:23
  Speaker 3: I didn't really try to find this community. But I
• 1:28:28
  Speaker 3: don't even know how you would really, Like, you have
• 1:28:30
  Speaker 3: to have an in with someone, and she was that in.
• 1:28:33
  Speaker 1: And it's not exclusive, no, but it kind of like
• 1:28:37
  Speaker 1: attracts here and there, another person gets attracted in. Someone
• 1:28:42
  Speaker 1: will bring it a friend once and then you can
• 1:28:46
  Speaker 1: just tell that that friend is going to be part
• 1:28:48
  Speaker 1: of this group. And you were one of those for sure.
• 1:28:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, exactly, and thankfully, like I kind of smoothly
• 1:28:56
  Speaker 3: fit within the flow and ended up becoming friends with
• 1:29:00
  Speaker 3: Adam and Mike and the guys from Energy Stack, getting
• 1:29:03
  Speaker 3: involved in the events here. I did my first plant
• 1:29:06
  Speaker 3: medicine ceremonies here and then got kind of connected with
• 1:29:10
  Speaker 3: that community. And it's wild. The community here is you know,
• 1:29:16
  Speaker 3: I've met I've been exposed to this type of community
• 1:29:19
  Speaker 3: in many different countries expats Bali particularly, and in Portugal
• 1:29:24
  Speaker 3: as well. It's way more diverse, so you've got people
• 1:29:28
  Speaker 3: from all of the world aligning in the same thing
• 1:29:31
  Speaker 3: that we all align with, just doing it in a
• 1:29:34
  Speaker 3: slightly different way. But I was really surprised by the
• 1:29:38
  Speaker 3: depth of it here in Utah. I think a lot
• 1:29:41
  Speaker 3: of people cast judgment over the whole LDS thing, and
• 1:29:46
  Speaker 3: so I was trying to figure out, like, why is
• 1:29:48
  Speaker 3: it so advanced here? And I think that I think
• 1:29:53
  Speaker 3: the it's just a hypothesis, but I think that like
• 1:29:56
  Speaker 3: people's involvement with LDS life early and then leaving and
• 1:30:04
  Speaker 3: developing their own spirituality after leaving or staying but staying
• 1:30:09
  Speaker 3: on their own terms, but somehow modifying their relationship to
• 1:30:14
  Speaker 3: the church, like you grow up with the spirituality, so
• 1:30:18
  Speaker 3: like people are already way far along in that type
• 1:30:21
  Speaker 3: of development, because a lot of people come to this
• 1:30:23
  Speaker 3: type of spirituality in their adulthood and they're just starting out.
• 1:30:27
  Speaker 3: So I think that people who have a faith, whether
• 1:30:29
  Speaker 3: it's LDAs, Christianity, Hinduism, I don't know, scientology, whatever it
• 1:30:34
  Speaker 3: may be, if you grow up with that, it's kind
• 1:30:37
  Speaker 3: of ingrained. But when you start doing things, doing things
• 1:30:41
  Speaker 3: consciously for yourself and developing your own flavor of spirituality
• 1:30:47
  Speaker 3: and how you want to how you want to show
• 1:30:49
  Speaker 3: up in your life, that's where things get really interesting,
• 1:30:53
  Speaker 3: especially when you're able to share that openly within a group.
• 1:30:57
  Speaker 3: And it's better if it's not an echochain where everyone
• 1:31:01
  Speaker 3: has exactly the same beliefs. It's better if there's some
• 1:31:03
  Speaker 3: opposing viewpoints, in my opinion, and there seems to be that.
• 1:31:08
  Speaker 3: I kind of think there. It'd be good if there
• 1:31:09
  Speaker 3: were more. There's definitely a certain way in which to
• 1:31:14
  Speaker 3: engage in those types of conversations. But anyways, I do
• 1:31:19
  Speaker 3: think that it's also place. I think Utah has a
• 1:31:23
  Speaker 3: certain magic to it, and I've heard that something about
• 1:31:26
  Speaker 3: the salt Lake. We've got, the mountains, we've got the
• 1:31:28
  Speaker 3: desert with you know, tons of history and geologic diversity,
• 1:31:34
  Speaker 3: a lot of native traditions.
• 1:31:36
  Speaker 1: That's one of the things that really draws me is
• 1:31:39
  Speaker 1: their connection to the land and other nature and the
• 1:31:42
  Speaker 1: natural world that we're here. That really draws me.
• 1:31:44
  Speaker 3: I completely agree, and I've seen that, like in I've
• 1:31:48
  Speaker 3: been visited by what I think are a Native American
• 1:31:53
  Speaker 3: people during plant medicine here and I've never had that
• 1:31:56
  Speaker 3: anywhere else. I've done psychedelics elsewhere, but I've never had
• 1:32:01
  Speaker 3: such deep experiences as I've had here. So I think
• 1:32:04
  Speaker 3: it's both the communal energy. I think it's the place,
• 1:32:07
  Speaker 3: and I also think there's that history, that lineage too,
• 1:32:10
  Speaker 3: So it's there's something special about Utah that I did
• 1:32:14
  Speaker 3: not anticipate. I didn't come here for it, but I'm
• 1:32:16
  Speaker 3: so glad that I did, because now it's just like,
• 1:32:20
  Speaker 3: this is the community I've been looking for. Yeah, it's
• 1:32:22
  Speaker 3: right here. And so I needed to surrender to the
• 1:32:28
  Speaker 3: universe and just say I trust the outcome. I don't
• 1:32:32
  Speaker 3: care what jobs come my way, I don't care where
• 1:32:34
  Speaker 3: I live. I'm going to complete this project. I'm going
• 1:32:36
  Speaker 3: to keep my spiritual practice. I'm going to focus on
• 1:32:40
  Speaker 3: cleaning my consciousness and just being in allowing, accepting, and
• 1:32:44
  Speaker 3: receiving mode. And only then when I really felt that
• 1:32:48
  Speaker 3: into my DNA did things start happening. Things started falling
• 1:32:52
  Speaker 3: in my lap, Clients came into my lap, and so
• 1:32:55
  Speaker 3: now I am doing design consulting that I didn't really
• 1:32:58
  Speaker 3: have to go looking for. Adrian came to me, the
• 1:33:02
  Speaker 3: community came to me. I'm and the mystic said the guy.
• 1:33:05
  Speaker 2: Now the guy has money.
• 1:33:07
  Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah exactly, now this guy, yeah, because you did
• 1:33:11
  Speaker 3: just that. Yeah, I had I had to release.
• 1:33:15
  Speaker 2: Surrender to all render the attachment to.
• 1:33:17
  Speaker 3: It, to all of it. Yeah, and then now it's
• 1:33:19
  Speaker 3: now everything's aligning. And so that's an interesting space to
• 1:33:25
  Speaker 3: be into because this is a pattern with me. Also,
• 1:33:27
  Speaker 3: like when I had the breakdown in Bali, i achieved
• 1:33:30
  Speaker 3: the goal, I arrived in paradise and had a breakdown, right,
• 1:33:34
  Speaker 3: And now I'm in such a beautiful perfect space in
• 1:33:39
  Speaker 3: my life and I'm settling into it now and so
• 1:33:44
  Speaker 3: committing to a longer term here, really rooting down in
• 1:33:49
  Speaker 3: my relationship, maybe buying a house here, like putting the
• 1:33:55
  Speaker 3: nomadic life to rest for now. I notice a lot
• 1:34:01
  Speaker 3: of old patterns coming up, at least the narratives are
• 1:34:04
  Speaker 3: saying there, like maybe you should run, maybe you should
• 1:34:08
  Speaker 3: get back out there to the familiar.
• 1:34:10
  Speaker 1: And.
• 1:34:13
  Speaker 3: And I'm spending when those narratives come up, I'm spending
• 1:34:18
  Speaker 3: less time in that allowing transmitting clear space. I found
• 1:34:23
  Speaker 3: myself recently getting into scarcity mindset, and it's related to money,
• 1:34:29
  Speaker 3: it's related to material such as a house. And so
• 1:34:34
  Speaker 3: I don't know if that's me finally like really getting
• 1:34:38
  Speaker 3: into the culture here, or if it's the usual checkpoint
• 1:34:46
  Speaker 3: where at every point in my life where I'm about
• 1:34:50
  Speaker 3: to level up. I'm given a test whether to surrender fully, trust, release,
• 1:34:57
  Speaker 3: let go, or control white knuckle it, try to do
• 1:35:03
  Speaker 3: everything you can to make it the way you want
• 1:35:06
  Speaker 3: it to be, or let go but just let fear
• 1:35:10
  Speaker 3: run the story in the background. That's been happening a bit.
• 1:35:14
  Speaker 3: I've been watching that. It's fascinating.
• 1:35:17
  Speaker 1: It's the difference between living in the space of doing
• 1:35:21
  Speaker 1: and living in the space of being, because being takes
• 1:35:24
  Speaker 1: a hell of a lot of trust.
• 1:35:25
  Speaker 3: It does.
• 1:35:26
  Speaker 1: Doing is you know you're getting things done and all
• 1:35:29
  Speaker 1: of that's happening. However, you're the only trust you have
• 1:35:33
  Speaker 1: there is in yourself. I can do this, I can
• 1:35:36
  Speaker 1: do that, I can accomplish this, I've done this before.
• 1:35:39
  Speaker 1: I can set the goal. I can attain the goal
• 1:35:42
  Speaker 1: where the being is like you got way for it
• 1:35:46
  Speaker 1: to s you.
• 1:35:47
  Speaker 3: Just got to be patient and trust. And the doing
• 1:35:49
  Speaker 3: can also be illusory and it can be counterproductive because
• 1:35:52
  Speaker 3: you can while you're doing a.
• 1:35:54
  Speaker 1: Lot of distincts.
• 1:35:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like you feel like you're making progress, but you're
• 1:35:58
  Speaker 3: actually just digging a big hole and you look up like, oh,
• 1:36:01
  Speaker 3: I'm in a really deep hole that I just dove myself.
• 1:36:05
  Speaker 3: How do I get out of this now.
• 1:36:08
  Speaker 1: Oh well, this.
• 1:36:09
  Speaker 3: Conversation has been really good, Jake, these things I haven't
• 1:36:16
  Speaker 3: talked about a lot of this with many people.
• 1:36:18
  Speaker 1: So thanks for bringing it here.
• 1:36:20
  Speaker 2: Thank you for trusting us.
• 1:36:22
  Speaker 1: For people who have their goals in life and the
• 1:36:24
  Speaker 1: things that they want to do, to have a recognition
• 1:36:27
  Speaker 1: that there's other ways to doing it, do it than
• 1:36:30
  Speaker 1: just doing it. There's other ways to accomplish that, absolutely,
• 1:36:34
  Speaker 1: And you had to go through your dark Knight of
• 1:36:36
  Speaker 1: the soul really to have that realization of the things
• 1:36:39
  Speaker 1: that weren't serving you who you are not, and you know,
• 1:36:44
  Speaker 1: leaning more into that before we end, I did want
• 1:36:47
  Speaker 1: to I want to note there was a moment when
• 1:36:50
  Speaker 1: you and I connected at that men's retreat.
• 1:36:53
  Speaker 3: You know what I'm talking definitely, Yeah, we locked in.
• 1:36:57
  Speaker 1: We locked in in the drums. So I've got this
• 1:37:00
  Speaker 1: big drum set and I was just out fooling around
• 1:37:02
  Speaker 1: on it and you walked up with the gemba. I
• 1:37:05
  Speaker 1: think you were playing at Jeminary yep. So you're playing
• 1:37:07
  Speaker 1: on a gemba, and I mean we we just locked
• 1:37:10
  Speaker 1: in and we played for probably like thirty minutes straight
• 1:37:13
  Speaker 1: without stopping.
• 1:37:14
  Speaker 3: Yep.
• 1:37:14
  Speaker 1: On and on and on and on. It led to
• 1:37:17
  Speaker 1: me giving you that drum. Yes, it did because I
• 1:37:21
  Speaker 1: had I mean, we had When you're playing in the group,
• 1:37:24
  Speaker 1: you really don't have a realization of how how other
• 1:37:26
  Speaker 1: people are connected. You can feel the cohesiveness of the
• 1:37:29
  Speaker 1: entire group, but individuals you don't really experience that. But
• 1:37:34
  Speaker 1: we got to experience each other in that connected space
• 1:37:37
  Speaker 1: when we did that, and man, that was that was cool.
• 1:37:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I have chill was just thinking about it. It
• 1:37:42
  Speaker 3: was What was funny is how it ended. I mean,
• 1:37:44
  Speaker 3: speaking of like clean endings, we had a clean ending
• 1:37:46
  Speaker 3: and then we looked at each other, We're like, whoa.
• 1:37:53
  Speaker 2: Oh boy, it was super cool.
• 1:37:57
  Speaker 1: Those are the kind of experiences for me. Mean, uh,
• 1:38:02
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna say they mean, it's not that it's more meaningful.
• 1:38:06
  Speaker 1: It just feels more connected than us just sitting and
• 1:38:08
  Speaker 1: having a conversation and entering back and forth about we
• 1:38:11
  Speaker 1: have this in common, we have that in common. What
• 1:38:13
  Speaker 1: we had in common was we went to the place
• 1:38:15
  Speaker 1: where the music played. We played there together. We experienced
• 1:38:19
  Speaker 1: it together. It wasn't about me playing a certain way
• 1:38:22
  Speaker 1: and you playing a certain way. We just opened ourselves
• 1:38:24
  Speaker 1: up to a wow. Whatever came through to come through
• 1:38:26
  Speaker 1: and it was magical.
• 1:38:27
  Speaker 3: That was magical.
• 1:38:29
  Speaker 1: Somebody too bad Steve was in there to get a video.
• 1:38:31
  Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, that was that was just for us. I
• 1:38:34
  Speaker 3: guess there were some people there and they were also
• 1:38:35
  Speaker 3: like what what just happened? Yeah, so hopefully we get
• 1:38:38
  Speaker 3: to do that again.
• 1:38:39
  Speaker 1: So it was cool. Yeah.
• 1:38:40
  Speaker 2: Well, and I think we should also have you back
• 1:38:42
  Speaker 2: with Adrian.
• 1:38:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:38:45
  Speaker 2: I love that's a chapter that the two of you
• 1:38:47
  Speaker 2: are are crafting.
• 1:38:48
  Speaker 1: Because she's been on and talked about her story and
• 1:38:51
  Speaker 1: now you've done it. So let's have you guys to
• 1:38:53
  Speaker 1: come on together and that.
• 1:38:55
  Speaker 2: Would be fun.
• 1:38:55
  Speaker 3: That sounds great together. Yeah, that sounds really good.
• 1:38:57
  Speaker 1: To do that. Let's do it so well.
• 1:39:00
  Speaker 2: Thank you?
• 1:39:01
  Speaker 1: Are you feeling like there's anything else that you need
• 1:39:02
  Speaker 1: to add? Feeling complete?
• 1:39:04
  Speaker 3: I feel complete? Yeah? That felt really good.
• 1:39:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 1:39:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, this weeks. Thanks for holding space for.
• 1:39:10
  Speaker 1: Me and we're this is a little longer than we
• 1:39:13
  Speaker 1: normally go and I hope people have stuck with us. Yeah,
• 1:39:17
  Speaker 1: and I think they will because this has been super
• 1:39:19
  Speaker 1: intriguing for me to hear your story. So thank you
• 1:39:22
  Speaker 1: very much.
• 1:39:22
  Speaker 2: Thanks, thank you for being as authentic as you are
• 1:39:26
  Speaker 2: and so genuine.
• 1:39:26
  Speaker 3: That was really beautiful.
• 1:39:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you. I love you guys, all right, love
• 1:39:30
  Speaker 1: you too, man. So until next time. Bye. If you're
• 1:39:36
  Speaker 1: enjoying the Observatory Podcast, please consider subscribing, sharing us, and
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• 1:39:44
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  Speaker 1: and more people so that it can be shared and
• 1:39:55
  Speaker 1: we can help ripple out this energy that's emanating in
• 1:39:58
  Speaker 1: the world today. There's been so much separation and we
• 1:40:01
  Speaker 1: want to find a way to create conversations where we
• 1:40:04
  Speaker 1: can come together, not divide so much as we have
• 1:40:08
  Speaker 1: been to learn to come together in unity. Thank you.
• 1:40:16
  Speaker 2: You've been listening to the Observatory Podcast.
• 1:40:19
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• 1:40:22
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