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The Little Princess Chapter 8 - In the Attic · The Frances Hodgson Burnett Library

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  Speaker 1: CHAPTER VIII. IN THE ATTIC The first night she spent
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  Speaker 1: in her attic was a thing Sarah never forgot. During
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  Speaker 1: its passing she lived through a wild, unchildlike woe of
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  Speaker 1: which she never spoke to anyone about her. There was
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  Speaker 1: no one who would have understood. It was indeed well
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  Speaker 1: for her that as she lay awake in the darkness,
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  Speaker 1: her mind was forcibly distracted, now and then, by the
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  Speaker 1: strangeness of her surroundings. It was perhaps well for her
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  Speaker 1: that she was reminded by her small body of material things.
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  Speaker 1: If this had not been so, the anguish of her
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  Speaker 1: young mind might have been too great for a child
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  Speaker 1: to bear. But really, while the night was passing, she
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  Speaker 1: scarcely knew that she had a body at all, or
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  Speaker 1: remembered any other thing than one.' My papa is dead,'
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  Speaker 1: she kept whispering to herself.' My papa is dead.' It
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  Speaker 1: was not until long afterward that she realized that her
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  Speaker 1: bed had been so hard that she turned over and
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  Speaker 1: over in it to find a place to rest, that
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  Speaker 1: the darkness seemed more intense than any she had ever known,
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  Speaker 1: and that the wind howled over the roof among the
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  Speaker 1: chimneys like something which wailed aloud. Then there was something worse.
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  Speaker 1: This was certain scufflings and scratchings and squeakings in the
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  Speaker 1: walls and behind the skirting boards. She knew what they meant,
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  Speaker 1: because Becky had described them. They meant rats and mice,
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  Speaker 1: who were either fighting with each other or playing together.
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  Speaker 1: Once or twice she even heard sharp-toed feet scurrying across
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  Speaker 1: the floor, and she remembered in those after-days when she
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  Speaker 1: recalled things, that when first she heard them, she started
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  Speaker 1: up in bed and sat trembling, and when she lay
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  Speaker 1: down again, covered her head with the bedclothes. The change
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  Speaker 1: in her life did not come about gradually, but was
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  Speaker 1: made all at once.' She must begin as she is
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  Speaker 1: going to go on,' said Miss Mention to Miss Amelia.'
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  Speaker 1: She must be taught at once what she is to expect.'
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  Speaker 1: Mariette had left the house the next morning. The glimpse
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  Speaker 1: Sarah caught of her sitting-room as she passed its open
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  Speaker 1: door showed her that everything had been changed. Her ornaments
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  Speaker 1: and luxuries had been removed, and a bed had been
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  Speaker 1: placed in a corner to transform it into a new
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  Speaker 1: pupil's bedroom. When she went down to breakfast, she saw
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  Speaker 1: that her seat at Miss Minchin's side was occupied by Lavinia,
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  Speaker 1: and Miss Minchin spoke to her coldly.' You will begin
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  Speaker 1: your new duties, Sarah,' she said,' by taking your seat
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  Speaker 1: with the younger children at a smaller table. You must
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  Speaker 1: keep them quiet and see that they behave well and
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  Speaker 1: do not waste their food.' You ought to have been
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  Speaker 1: down earlier. Lottie has already upset her tea. That was
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  Speaker 1: the beginning, and from day to day the duties given
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  Speaker 1: to her were added to. She taught the younger children
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  Speaker 1: French and heard their other lessons, and these were the
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  Speaker 1: least of her labours. It was found that she could
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  Speaker 1: be made use of in numberless directions. She could be
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  Speaker 1: sent on errands at any time and in all weathers.
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  Speaker 1: She could be told to do things other people neglected—
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  Speaker 1: the cook and the housemaids took their tone from Miss Minchin,
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  Speaker 1: and rather enjoyed ordering about the young one who had
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  Speaker 1: been made so much fuss over for so long. They
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  Speaker 1: were not servants of the best class, and had neither
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  Speaker 1: good manners nor good tempers, and it was frequently convenient
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  Speaker 1: to have at hand someone on whom blame could be laid.
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  Speaker 1: During the first month or two, Sarah thought that her
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  Speaker 1: willingness to do things as well as she could, and
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  Speaker 1: her silence under reproof, might soften those who drove her
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  Speaker 1: so hard. In her proud little heart she wanted them
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  Speaker 1: to see that she was trying to earn her living
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  Speaker 1: and not accepting charity. But the time came when she
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  Speaker 1: saw that no one was softened at all, and the
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  Speaker 1: more willing she was to do as she was told,
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  Speaker 1: the more domineering and exacting careless housemaids became, and the
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  Speaker 1: more ready a scolding cook was to blame her. If
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  Speaker 1: she had been older, Miss Minchin would have given her
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  Speaker 1: the bigger girls to teach and saved money by dismissing
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  Speaker 1: an instructress. But while she remained and looked like a
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  Speaker 1: child— She could be made more useful as a sort
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  Speaker 1: of little superior errand girl and maid of all work.
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  Speaker 1: An ordinary errand boy would not have been so clever
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  Speaker 1: and reliable. Sarah could be trusted with difficult commissions and
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  Speaker 1: complicated messages. She could even go and pay bills, and
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  Speaker 1: she combined with this the ability to dust a room
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  Speaker 1: well and to set things in order. Her own lessons
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  Speaker 1: became things of the past. She was taught nothing. and
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  Speaker 1: only after long and busy days spent in running here
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  Speaker 1: and there at everybody's orders was she grudgingly allowed to
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  Speaker 1: go into the deserted schoolroom with a pile of old
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  Speaker 1: books and study alone at night. If I do not
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  Speaker 1: remind myself of the things I have learned, perhaps I
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  Speaker 1: may forget them, she said to herself. I am quite
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  Speaker 1: a scullery maid, and if I am a scullery maid
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  Speaker 1: who knows nothing, I shall be like poor Becky. I
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  Speaker 1: wonder if I could quite forget, and begin to drop
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  Speaker 1: my H's, and not remember that Henry VIII had six wives.
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  Speaker 1: One of the most curious things in her new existence
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  Speaker 1: was her changed position among the pupils. Instead of being
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  Speaker 1: a sort of small royal personage among them, she no
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  Speaker 1: longer seemed to be one of their number at all.
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  Speaker 1: She was kept so constantly at work that she scarcely
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  Speaker 1: ever had an opportunity of speaking to any of them,
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  Speaker 1: and she could not avoid seeing that Miss Minchin preferred
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  Speaker 1: that she should live a life apart from that of
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  Speaker 1: the occupants of the schoolroom. I will not have her
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  Speaker 1: forming intimacies and talking to the other children, that lady said.
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  Speaker 1: Girls like a grievance, and if she begins to tell
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  Speaker 1: romantic stories about herself, she will become an ill-used heroine,
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  Speaker 1: and parents will be given a wrong impression. It is
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  Speaker 1: better that she should live a separate life, one suited
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  Speaker 1: to her circumstances. I am giving her a home, and
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  Speaker 1: that is more than she has any right to expect
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  Speaker 1: from me. Sarah did not expect much. and was far
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  Speaker 1: too proud to try to continue to be intimate with
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  Speaker 1: girls who evidently felt rather awkward and uncertain about her.
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  Speaker 1: The fact was that Miss Minchin's pupils were a set
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  Speaker 1: of dull, matter-of-fact young people. They were accustomed to being
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  Speaker 1: rich and comfortable, and as Sarah's frocks grew shorter and
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  Speaker 1: shabbier and queerer-looking, and it became an established fact that
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  Speaker 1: she wore shoes with holes in them and was sent
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  Speaker 1: out to buy groceries and carry them through the streets
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  Speaker 1: in a basket on her arm when the cook wanted
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  Speaker 1: them in a hurry, they felt rather as if, When
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  Speaker 1: they spoke to her, they were addressing an underservant. To
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  Speaker 1: think that she was the girl with the diamond mines,
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  Speaker 1: Lavinia commented. She does look an object, and she's queerer
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  Speaker 1: than ever. I never liked her much, but I can't
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  Speaker 1: bear that way she has now of looking at people
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  Speaker 1: without speaking, just as if she was finding them out.
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  Speaker 1: I am, said Sarah promptly when she heard of this.
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  Speaker 1: That's what I look at some people for. I like
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  Speaker 1: to know about them. I think them over afterward. The
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  Speaker 1: truth was that she had saved herself annoyance several times
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  Speaker 1: by keeping her eye on Lavinia, who was quite ready
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  Speaker 1: to make mischief, and would have been rather pleased to
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  Speaker 1: have made it for the ex-show pupil. Sarah never made
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  Speaker 1: any mischief herself or interfered with anyone. She worked like
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  Speaker 1: a drudge, she tramped through the wet streets carrying parcels
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  Speaker 1: and baskets, she labored with the childish inattention of the
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  Speaker 1: little one's French lessons. As she became shabbier and more forlorn-looking,
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  Speaker 1: She was told that she had better take her meals downstairs.
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  Speaker 1: She was treated as if she was nobody's concern, and
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  Speaker 1: her heart grew proud and sore, but she never told
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  Speaker 1: anyone what she felt. Soldiers don't complain, she would say
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  Speaker 1: between her small, shut teeth. I am not going to
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  Speaker 1: do it. I will pretend this is part of a war.
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  Speaker 1: But there were hours when her child heart might almost
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  Speaker 1: have broken with loneliness, but for three people. The first,
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  Speaker 1: it must be owned, was Becky. Just Becky. Throughout all
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  Speaker 1: that first night spent in the garret, she had felt
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  Speaker 1: a vague comfort in knowing that on the other side
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  Speaker 1: of the wall, in which the rats scuffled and squeaked,
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  Speaker 1: there was another young human creature. And during the nights
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  Speaker 1: that followed, the sense of comfort grew. They had little
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  Speaker 1: chance to speak to each other during the day. Each
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  Speaker 1: had her own tasks to perform, and any attempt at
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  Speaker 1: conversation would have been regarded as a tendency to loiter
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  Speaker 1: and lose time. Don't mind me, miss, Becky whispered during
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  Speaker 1: the first morning. If I don't say nothing polite, someone'd
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  Speaker 1: be down on us if I did. I means please
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  Speaker 1: and thank you and beg pardon, but it doesn't take
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  Speaker 1: time to say it. But before daybreak, she used to
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  Speaker 1: slip into Sarah's attic and button her dress and give
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  Speaker 1: her such help as she required before she went downstairs
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  Speaker 1: to light the kitchen fire. And when night came, Sarah
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  Speaker 1: always heard the humble knock at her door, which meant
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  Speaker 1: that her handmaid was ready to help her again if
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  Speaker 1: she was needed. During the first weeks of her grief,
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  Speaker 1: Sarah felt as if she were too stupefied to talk,
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  Speaker 1: so it happened that some time passed before they saw
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  Speaker 1: each other much or exchanged visits. Becky's heart told her
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  Speaker 1: that it was best that people in trouble should be
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  Speaker 1: left alone. The second of the trio of comforters was Ermengarde,
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  Speaker 1: but odd things happened before Ermengarde found her place. When
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  Speaker 1: Sarah's mind seemed to awaken again to the life about her,
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  Speaker 1: she realized that she had forgotten that Ermengarde lived in
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  Speaker 1: the world. The two had always been friends, but Sarah
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  Speaker 1: had felt as if she were years the older. It
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  Speaker 1: could not be contested that Ermengarde was as dull as
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  Speaker 1: she was affectionate. She clung to Sarah in a simple,
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  Speaker 1: helpless way. She brought her lessons to her that she
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  Speaker 1: might be helped. She listened to her every word, and
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  Speaker 1: besieged her with requests for stories. But she had nothing
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  Speaker 1: interesting to say herself, and she loathed books of every description.
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  Speaker 1: She was, in fact, not a person one would remember
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  Speaker 1: when one was caught in the storm of a great trouble.
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  Speaker 1: And Sarah forgot her. It had been all the easier
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  Speaker 1: to forget her because she had been suddenly called home
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  Speaker 1: for a few weeks. When she came back she did
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  Speaker 1: not see Sarah for a day or two, and when
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  Speaker 1: she met her for the first time she encountered her
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  Speaker 1: coming down a corridor with her arms full of garments
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  Speaker 1: which were to be taken downstairs to be mended. Sarah
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  Speaker 1: herself had already been taught to mend them. She looked
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  Speaker 1: pale and unlike herself, and she was attired in the
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  Speaker 1: queer outgrown frock whose shortness showed so much thin black leg.
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  Speaker 1: Ermengarde was too slow a girl to be equal to
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  Speaker 1: such a situation. She could not think of anything to say.
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  Speaker 1: She knew what had happened, but somehow she had never
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  Speaker 1: imagined Sarah could look like this, so odd and poor
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  Speaker 1: and almost like a servant. It made her quite miserable,
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  Speaker 1: and she could do nothing but break into a short
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  Speaker 1: hysterical laugh and exclaim, aimlessly and as if without any meaning,' Oh, Sarah,
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  Speaker 1: is that you?'' Yes,' answered Sarah. and suddenly a strange
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  Speaker 1: thought passed through her mind and made her face flush.
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  Speaker 1: She held the pile of garments in her arms, and
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  Speaker 1: her chin rested upon the top of it to keep
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  Speaker 1: it steady. Something in the look of her straight-gazing eyes
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  Speaker 1: made Ermengarde lose her wits still more. She felt as
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  Speaker 1: if Sarah had changed into a new kind of girl,
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  Speaker 1: and she had never known her before. Perhaps it was
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  Speaker 1: because she had suddenly grown poor and had to mend
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  Speaker 1: things and work like Becky. Oh! she stammered. How... how
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  Speaker 1: are you? I don't know, Sarah replied. How are you? I'm...
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  Speaker 1: I'm quite well, said Ermengarde, overwhelmed with shyness. Then, spasmodically,
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  Speaker 1: she thought of something to say which seemed more intimate.
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  Speaker 1: Are you... are you very unhappy? she said in a rush.
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  Speaker 1: Then Sarah was guilty of an injustice. Just at that
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  Speaker 1: moment her torn heart swelled within her, and she felt
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  Speaker 1: that if anyone was as stupid as that, one had
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  Speaker 1: better get away from her.' What do you think?' she said.'
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  Speaker 1: Do you think I am very happy?' And she marched
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  Speaker 1: past her without another word. In course of time, she
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  Speaker 1: realized that if her wretchedness had not made her forget things,
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  Speaker 1: she would have known that poor, dull Ermengarde was not
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  Speaker 1: to be blamed for her unready, awkward ways. She was
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  Speaker 1: always awkward, and the more she felt, the more stupid
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  Speaker 1: she was given to being.' But the sudden thought which
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  Speaker 1: had flashed upon her had made her oversensitive. She is
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  Speaker 1: like the others, she had thought. She does not really
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  Speaker 1: want to talk to me. She knows no one does.
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  Speaker 1: So for several weeks a barrier stood between them. When
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  Speaker 1: they met by chance, Sarah looked the other way, and
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  Speaker 1: Ermengarde felt too stiff and embarrassed to speak. Sometimes they
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  Speaker 1: nodded to each other in passing, but there were times
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  Speaker 1: when they did not even exchange a greeting. If she
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  Speaker 1: would rather not talk to me, Sarah thought, I will
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  Speaker 1: keep out of her way. Miss Minchin makes that easy enough.
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  Speaker 1: Miss Minchin made it so easy that at last they
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  Speaker 1: scarcely saw each other at all. At that time it
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  Speaker 1: was noticed that Ermengarde was more stupid than ever and
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  Speaker 1: that she looked listless and unhappy. She used to sit
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  Speaker 1: in the window seat huddled in a heap and stare
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  Speaker 1: out of the window without speaking. Once Jessie, who was passing,
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  Speaker 1: stopped to look at her curiously. What are you crying for, Ermengarde?
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  Speaker 1: she asked. I'm not crying, answered Ermengarde in a muffled,
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  Speaker 1: unsteady voice. You are, said Jessie. A great big tear
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  Speaker 1: just rolled down the bridge of your nose and dropped
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  Speaker 1: off at the end of it, and there goes another. Well,
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  Speaker 1: said Ermengarde, I'm miserable and no one need interfere. And
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  Speaker 1: she turned her plump back and took out her handkerchief
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  Speaker 1: and boldly hid her face in it. That night, when
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  Speaker 1: Sarah went to her attic, She was later than usual.
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  Speaker 1: She had been kept at work until after the hour
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  Speaker 1: at which the pupils went to bed, and after that
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  Speaker 1: she had gone to her lessons in the lonely schoolroom.
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  Speaker 1: When she reached the top of the stairs, she was
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  Speaker 1: surprised to see a glimmer of light coming from under
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  Speaker 1: the attic door. Nobody goes there but myself, she thought quickly,
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  Speaker 1: but someone has lighted a candle. Someone had indeed lighted
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  Speaker 1: a candle, and it was not burning in the kitchen
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  Speaker 1: candlestick she was expected to use. but in one of
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  Speaker 1: those belonging to the pupils' bedrooms. The someone was sitting
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  Speaker 1: upon the battered footstool and was dressed in her nightgown
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  Speaker 1: and wrapped up in a red shawl. It was Ermengarde. Ermengarde?
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  Speaker 1: cried Sarah. She was so startled that she was almost frightened.
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  Speaker 1: You will get into trouble. Ermengarde stumbled up from her footstool.
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  Speaker 1: She shuffled across the attic in her bedroom slippers, which
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  Speaker 1: were too large for her. Her eyes and nose were
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  Speaker 1: pink with crying. I know I shall, If I'm found out,
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  Speaker 1: she said. But I don't care. I don't care a bit. Oh, Sarah,
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  Speaker 1: please tell me. What is the matter? Why don't you
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  Speaker 1: like me anymore? Something in her voice made the familiar
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  Speaker 1: lump rise in Sarah's throat. It was so affectionate and simple.
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  Speaker 1: So like the old ermengarde who had asked her to
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  Speaker 1: be best friends. It sounded as if she had not
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  Speaker 1: meant what she had seemed to mean during these past weeks.
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  Speaker 1: I do like you. Sarah answered. I thought... You see,
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  Speaker 1: everything is different now. I thought... you were different. Ermengarde
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  Speaker 1: opened her wet eyes wide. Why, it was you who
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  Speaker 1: were different, she cried. You didn't want to talk to me.
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  Speaker 1: I didn't know what to do. It was you who
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  Speaker 1: were different after I came back. Sarah thought a moment.
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  Speaker 1: She saw she had made a mistake. I am different,
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  Speaker 1: she explained. Though not in the way you think. Miss
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: Minchin does not want me to talk to the girls.
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  Speaker 1: Most of them don't want to talk to me. I thought, perhaps,
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  Speaker 1: you didn't. So I tried to keep out of your way. Oh, Sarah!
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: Ermengarde almost wailed in her reproachful dismay. And then, after
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  Speaker 1: one more look, they rushed into each other's arms. It
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  Speaker 1: must be confessed that Sarah's small black head lay for
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  Speaker 1: some minutes on the shoulder covered by the red shawl.
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  Speaker 1: When Ermengarde had seemed to desert her, she had felt
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  Speaker 1: horribly lonely. Afterward, they sat down upon the floor together,
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  Speaker 1: Sarah clasping her knees with her arms, and Ermengarde rolled
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  Speaker 1: up in her shawl. Ermengarde looked at the odd, big-eyed
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: little face adoringly. I couldn't bear it any more, she said.
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  Speaker 1: I dare say you could live without me, Sarah, but
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  Speaker 1: I couldn't live without you. I was nearly dead. So tonight,
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  Speaker 1: when I was crying under the bedclothes, I thought all
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  Speaker 1: at once of creeping up here and just begging you
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  Speaker 1: to let us be friends again. You are nicer than
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  Speaker 1: I am, said Sarah. I was too proud to try
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  Speaker 1: and make friends. You see, now that trials have come,
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  Speaker 1: they have shown that I am not a nice child.
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  Speaker 1: I was afraid they would. Perhaps, wrinkling her forehead wisely,
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  Speaker 1: that is what they were sent for. I don't see
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  Speaker 1: any good in them, said Ermengarde stoutly. Neither do I,
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  Speaker 1: to speak the truth. admitted Sarah frankly. But I suppose
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  Speaker 1: there might be good in things, even if we don't
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  Speaker 1: see it. There might, doubtfully, be good in Miss Minchin.
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: Ermengarde looked round the attic with a rather fearsome curiosity. Sarah,
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  Speaker 1: she said, do you think you can bear living here?
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: Sarah looked round also. If I pretend it's quite different,
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  Speaker 1: I can, she answered, or if I pretend it is
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  Speaker 1: a place in a story. She spoke slowly. Her imagination
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  Speaker 1: was beginning to work for her. It had not worked
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  Speaker 1: for her at all since her troubles had come upon her.
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  Speaker 1: She had felt as if it had been stunned.' Other
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  Speaker 1: people have lived in worse places. Think of the Count
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  Speaker 1: of Monte Cristo in the dungeons of the Chateau d'If,
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  Speaker 1: and think of the people in the Bastille.'' The Bastille,'
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  Speaker 1: half-whispered Ermengarde, watching her and beginning to be fascinated. She
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: remembered stories of the French Revolution, which Sarah had been
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: able to fix in her mind by her dramatic relation
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: of them. No one but Sarah could have done it.
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: A well-known glow came into Sarah's eyes. Yes, she said,
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: hugging her knees. That'll be a good place to pretend about.
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: I am a prisoner in the Bastille. I've been here
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: for years and years, and years, and everybody has forgotten
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: about me. Miss Minchin is the jailer, And Becky, a
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: sudden light adding itself to the glow in her eyes,
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: Becky is the prisoner in the next cell. She turned
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: to Ermengarde, looking quite like the old Sarah. I shall
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: pretend that, she said, and it will be a great comfort.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: Ermengarde was at once enraptured and awed. And will you
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: tell me all about it? she said. May I creep
• 19:32
  Speaker 1: up here at night, whenever it is safe, and hear
• 19:34
  Speaker 1: the things you have made up in the day? It
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: will seem as if we were more best friends than ever. Yes,
• 19:41
  Speaker 1: answered Sarah, nodding. Adversity tries people, and mine has tried you,
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: and proved how nice you are.