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Reading The Bible Actually Changed My Life as a Narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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Did reading the Bible change my life or cure my narcissism?
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Yeah, I get this question a lot like Lee.
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Or Do you think narcissism is a demon?
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Do you think you're possessed by demonic force?
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And do you think that Jesus can save you from the depths of the
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devils of narcissism? Oh, today that's what we talk
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about y'all. My journey, my spiritual
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journey, my spiritual journey inside by healing recovery
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journey from narcissistic personality disorder.
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If you're new here, Lee Hammock diagnose narcissist.
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Welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Go.
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Welcome back folks, welcome back.
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Before we hop too deep into this episode, y'all make sure to
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check out my kids book. It's called remember it's not
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your fault. It's available on Amazon right
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now. Check it out.
1:02
It's a good conversation starter with your children to talk about
1:05
toxic relationship dynamics, self love, body positivity, all
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the other good stuff. Y'all remember it's not your
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fault it's on Amazon. Link is in the description.
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But yes, y'all, the Bible, the Bible, the old Bible, y'all like
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these real life story times I've been doing here lately.
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So I'm going to give you another one.
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Y'all said, Lee, I like the stories you do for your real
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life. You're entertaining dah dah dah.
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But here we go. So yeah, yeah, the Bible did
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change my life. Now before y'all look, the Bible
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changed my life. But before y'all get too wild
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with it, 'cause I know y'all like to get wild and rough
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before you get too wild with it, Understand where I'm coming from
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when I say this. Yes, the Bible did change my
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life. It absolutely did, but that
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ain't no way shape or form should mean means that you
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should take back your narcissistic person in your life
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because they decided to pick up the Bible.
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There, I said it. No, because realistically, y'all
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religious, religious spiritual manipulation is absolutely real
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because, and that's one of the reasons I don't talk about my
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spiritual journey a lot because I don't want people to twist it
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or see my message and go back into toxicity because so many
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people are caught up in religious toxicity with with a
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fake religious narcissistic bastard that happens or fake
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religious trick. Yeah, man, I just woo boy.
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Yeah, yeah. Well, well, my wife left me back
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in what was it, 2020? She left a couple times.
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Y'all, she left in like 2017, I think.
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But she also left in 2020 at the start of the pandemic.
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And that's when I started my that's when I started my mental
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illness TikTok channel, right. So I she left y'all, my wife was
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going can't let house is damn near empty.
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It was echoing in my house and I was completely lost.
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Of course I wanted to tear the damn house up.
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Yeah, she let me know she was leaving about 10 minutes before
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I got home. But I wanted to tear the house
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to pieces. I'm like, in my mind, I'm like,
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I'm going to break all this stuff in here.
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All this stuff is getting broken.
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I have to break it. Everything's getting broken.
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I'm about to punch this mirror. I'm about anything she left.
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I'm about to tear up. Like this is what she get for
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leaving. But I'm just like in my mind,
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I'm like, bro, that's how we got here at this point in time,
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y'all? At this point in time, I had
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already been in therapy since I've been in therapy since
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October 2017. This is like April, March of
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2020, maybe May, April, March 2020, it was April.
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I'm going to take it April 2020. So I I already been in therapy
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for about 2 1/2 years at this point and she still left.
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I had already been in therapy for 2 1/2 years and she still
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left because I had started missing therapy appointments,
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right? I had like literally missed a
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couple therapy appointments because the pandemic stuff
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started scaring the hell out of me.
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I'm like, well, we all bothered to die anyway.
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So I'm just like, and this it hadn't, it hadn't, it hadn't
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even reached America. It was like still in Japan or
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whatever and cases were picking up and they were just like, it
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was just a bunch of stuff coming.
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And then I was like, then the cases accidents are happening in
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America and and a bunch of dirty bastards start spreading around.
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It was it was crazy, right? And then I'm panicked.
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I missed a bunch of therapy appointments.
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It's about when I missed therapy appointments, y'all?
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It's easy for me to revert back to my old behaviors.
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It really is 'cause I don't have, I don't have those mental
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check insurance. Therapy for me, especially 8
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years into it now, is a mental check in.
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I use it to mentally check in to make sure I'm OK, right.
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So come home, she's gone, I'm already in therapy.
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I missed, missed some appointments.
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I'm like dad, I'm like dad, what can I do?
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She's gone now what I do, I'm already in therapy.
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What else can I do? So I'm about to tear some stuff
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up in his house. Thank God I didn't.
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So I'm, I'm in the bathroom about to break the mirror,
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right? I'm about to break this bathroom
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mirror. I don't want to see myself.
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So I'm sitting in the mirror about to break it.
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And then I literally sat down on the tub right in front of the
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mirror, right? I'm like, what are you doing
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bro? I'm talking out loud to myself
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though. I'm looking at myself in the
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reflection. I'm like what are you doing bro?
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Like this is how we got here in the 1st place.
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Like you start breaking stuff. She'd never come back.
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She what if she comes back because she forgot something and
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she sees all this stuff in the house broken.
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She's never going to come back. So this is stupid.
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Sit here and just look at yourself.
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So I sat there and looked at myself in the mirror for a few
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minutes. Y'all for a while right?
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And then tears start to stream. I was like I'm lost.
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What the hell can I do? I cannot just sit in this house.
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So I literally in that moment in time, I was like I'm not getting
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on Tinder I'm not getting I could have found a new supply.
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Y'all, let's be real. I can go out here and find
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somebody quick and whatnot. I chose not to I'm like I'm
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going to chill. I don't need them a new supply.
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I'm going to chill. I need to be by myself, so I'm
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fighting my I'm fighting the narcissistic urges right there.
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I need somebody. I know you don't just chill sit
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by yourself be be comfortable by yourself.
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So I was comfortable alone for a little while, right?
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And then I'm lost. I saw, I started going to Home
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Depot and Lowe's and mulch in the yard.
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I saw, I was like gardening. I was so loud.
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I saw a garden. I'm a garden.
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I'm a do stuff that hit my mind off everything.
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And then I just like, this ain't helping like, because at night,
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yeah, at night time I was still, I still had to deal with it.
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So when the house got dark at night, it was just me and my dog
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Lala. And she had she like we got
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hardwood floors and she has those little, you know, her
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little nails. I'm like, Oh my goodness, I was
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going crazy. I was like, I'm loud.
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What can I do? What what can I do right now?
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So I had already started reading the Bible years ago.
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Y'all had the app on my phone. You know I have I do audio
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books, right? So I had the Bible app years ago
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and I started reading it, but I fell off the wagon.
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I was like, I'm so lost the I'm going crazy.
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I feel like the house is haunted now all these noises.
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I'm going to start listening to the Bible.
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I'm going to start reading the Bible today.
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So I did. I literally started, yeah, I
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went from Genesis to Revelation. I was like, not, not in one day.
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That's impossible, right? But I saw listen to I like, I'm
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gonna dedicate myself to listening to the Bible every
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single day, at least something, a part of every single day,
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reading something every single day from it.
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Even if I was reading other books, I will always read the
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Bible first. So like OK, started doing that,
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got off of got off of most social medias that I didn't need
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and just started reading the Bible every single day.
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I used on my own personal Facebook.
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I used to have a series called Bible talk and I would whatever
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verses I would read that day, I was just going to translate into
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my speech. I would tell the story about the
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Bible and what not, right. And one story that truly
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resonated with was the story of Joseph.
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Y'all know Joseph, y'all know the story of Joseph.
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I'm like, man, I am Joseph. No, seriously, I really feel
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like, 'cause you know, Joseph grew, his brothers discarded
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him. He was like a lone wolf.
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His brothers threw him in the well, pretending that he was
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dead, whatever. He got sold into slavery, went
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to jail. He was a slave.
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Then he got promoted, then he went to.
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I'm just come out to my head. Yeah, I'm going to miss some
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stuff up. I haven't read it in a while,
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but the Pharaoh's wife or whatever framed him because he
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didn't want to clap her cheeks. She tried.
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She tried to throw the cheeks at Joseph.
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Joseph's like, no, I don't want them cheeks.
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Get them away from me. Right, And Joseph, like you
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know, me literally sitting, sitting there doing all the
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stuff he could do. You know what I mean?
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And he he's like he end up like literally becoming like the
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Pharaoh, whatever, the second in charge, what not.
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And then he had to his brothers that threw him in the well, a
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famine was coming or something, right.
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I know the Bible better not do the famine was coming and he was
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going through all these struggles, made it to the top
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man. All these struggles that he was
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facing made it to the top, right.
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And I think he was the reason he got discarded, right?
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Because he was his parents golden.
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He was his dad's golden child because his dad had to fight to
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get his wife, had to fight to marry his mom, had to be his dad
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had to be a slave for years to marry his mom and had Joseph,
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right. So Joseph had Joseph's dad, his
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name. Yeah, I, I need to read the
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Bible again. But Joseph had one like full
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brother as well. And his mom passed away and it
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was just him. So his brothers discarded him.
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I was like Joseph. I like Joseph struggling, going
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through the grind and came out on top.
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Joe, like Joseph was sitting in luxury.
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His brothers that threw him away came to him.
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They didn't recognize Joseph. Joseph had a glow up journey,
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right? Pretty much.
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Joseph cut his dress on like I did.
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Joseph on their money out. Flashy Joseph.
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Joseph chilling. His brothers come to him, asking
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him for some help. They didn't even know it was
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Joseph. Joseph knew they were.
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Joseph recognized them. Joseph in my mind, I like Joseph
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about to get their asses. Then Joseph about the Joseph
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about the way they're like, yeah, Joe's like because that's
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what I did right now. Hell no, y'all, it's me.
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Joseph. Get the hell out of here.
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Y'all You threw me in the whale. Go starve.
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He didn't do that right. Go starve.
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Go have a drought. Whatever.
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Go die thirst. He didn't do that though.
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He sent them away, said hey, go bring me.
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I think his brothers name was Benjamin, right?
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Go bring me Benjamin. If your father is alive, bring
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him too. I need to see him.
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And then Joseph pretty much turned him around.
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He's like y'all, it's me Joseph. And they like, oh what?
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Joseph, Oh my God, we thought you were dead.
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He's like, yeah, I thought I was dead too.
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God got me, God got me. God help me on my glow up
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journey now I'm gonna help you. Y'all lucky God touched my heart
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because I was going to do some do some harbor to you.
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God. Look, God save y'all.
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God save me and he saved y'all because I had could have been
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some nasty to you, but he blessed them.
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And just his story of survival resonated with me so much.
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Just the story of just going through, he went through
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resonated with me so much. I was like, man, he is a
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survivor. He went through all of this
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stuff and still got his stuff together, still came out on top,
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still blessed by God. And 1:00, that's one of the main
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stories right there that helped me.
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You know, I learned a lot through the Bible too and
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whatnot. It's just like this one of the
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main stories that just really, really helped me in on my
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journey. I was like, man, that's it
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really woke me up to the stuff that I like.
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I'm not irredeemable like Moses damn near Moses or Noah someone,
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no Noah's ark. Noah built the ark.
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Moses took somebody's life and throw them in the bushes.
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Moses was a Moses. Excuse me, Moses unaligned
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somebody and throw them in the bushes, right?
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I'm like, hey, if Moses can unalign somebody, throw them in
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the bushes and still come out on top, still be one of God's
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chosen people, man. Like, hey, I can survive this.
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This is my journey right here. This is my journey, right?
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This is my struggle. This is my this is my testimony.
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So, all right, yeah, I'm gonna go through it.
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I like, I'm gonna just keep I'm, I'm gonna go on this journey.
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And I kept reading the Bible every single day, reading the
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part of some. Some days are longer than
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others. Of course, y'all and I was just
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kept reading it kept reading it kept reading it and it just
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helped brighten my day. Even in the darkest times.
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It absolutely helped brighten my day yes I did yes, I absolutely
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have still have a relationship with God right now.
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I pray I try to try my hardest to pray every single night.
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Sometimes I pass out before I pray I wake up.
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Oh, I didn't pray last night. I pray immediately because I got
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to give it to God. I'm not here without God.
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I'm not here doing sound mind and body without that journey of
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reading the Bible. I'm I'm just not here without
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that. And that's just me keeping it
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hot and ready with you like a little See speaks right.
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And I say that to say this, this y'all, I don't want y'all to
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take this story and be like, I'm going to put my boyfriend in
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church. I haven't been to church in
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years. No, no, no.
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That has nothing to do with church.
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It's my journey of honesty, commitment, discipline, power.
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That's what it is. Faith, that's what it is.
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It's not like and plus there alongside therapy, I got back
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into therapy while I was reading the Bible.
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This is all together. It's not one thing.
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You know what I'm saying? Faith without works is dead.
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I put the work in. I'm still going to therapy with
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the Bible, still do my personal development, still going to the
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gym, working out. I'm doing all of this stuff
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together. Anybody can read the Bible.
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It's about taking the actions. Anybody can go to church, but
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it's about living in faith, not this fake stuff that you see
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all, all. Yeah, I get so angry nowadays.
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That's why I try to stay off of Twitter, because it's the
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fakest, weirdest people on Twitter.
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The fakest people just Elon Musk is absolutely ruined Twitter.
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Twitter's already a cesspool, but now it's just most of the
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racist you see online, most of the just bigots, most of the
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nationalists, most of the fake Christians.
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They don't really exist outside of Twitter.
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Unless somebody shares their Twitter post or some mess from
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Twitter somewhere else. They don't really exist out to.
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Like they get banned on other platform because it's BS.
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But Eli Musk being a weirdo has literally just let them run
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rampant. Let the fake Christianity run
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rampant. This craziness, I get angry as
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fakeness. That's why I'm just like, see
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the faking it. That's why I was like, Oh my, I
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went to like some of these pastors out here being
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narcissists. I went to talk to the pastor in
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the past told me I should forgive the abuse my husband put
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me through. My pastor said I should forgive
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my cheating wife. My pastor said you can't just
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get divorced. God, I don't like divorce.
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Come on man, go read your Bibles.
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People got divorced in the Bible, right?
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People did right? People broke up like people.
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Not everything wasn't permanent in the Bible.
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God was wiping people out. People were getting wiped out in
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the Bible. So don't let I say that to tell
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you my part of my journey. I still haven't read.
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I need to read the Bible again. Y'all honestly I need to refresh
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your course right? But I say that all that to say
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this again man, don't let religious people, fake religious
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people come into your life and manipulate you.
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I know it's tough. I know people, the people I feel
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works for, the people I feel the sorriest for when I'm doing my
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zoom coaching, my one on ones and stuff are the people who
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grew up in fake ass just horrible religious abusive
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households. I can't.
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I feel so bad for y'all because you didn't have a choice.
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Like you got to indoctrinate. Indoctrinated by some weird ass
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parents who probably had weird ass parents indoctrinate them or
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they were just in a vulnerable state, got caught up in this
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religious cult like shit. And then and it just caught you
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up into it, pulled you into it and raised you into it.
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And then you got raised into it, put into a because you were in
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this toxicity. You grew up, found a toxic
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person within the same religious sect and now you're in an
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abusive relationship. Now you feel like you can't
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leave because somebody told you the Bible.
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They misinterpreted the Bible, right?
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I read the Bible to interpret so I can have an understanding of
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it on my own, so I can understand this stuff on my own
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and just not have it spoken to me by somebody who could be
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fake, right. So in this situation right here,
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your partner could be fake, read your own Bible, have your own
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discussions within yourself. You don't need like I'm saying,
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I want the people that are in abusive spiritual relationships
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to be able to wake up and escape them because those are it's just
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so hard because you might have been birthed into it and just
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like they had no choice job. But my journey continues.
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Y'all. I don't consider myself as just
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like a just an orthodox Christian or Catholic or nothing
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like that. I'm just more spiritual.
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I believe in God, I believe in Jesus, I believe in the Holy
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Spirit. I, like I said, I give it all to
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God without my without God, my I'm not here, but it's just not
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with with God. God gave me the power to
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continue to go to therapy. God gave me the power to have
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discipline. God gave me the power to have
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discernment and to choose my words wisely and to choose my
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journey. Like God put this platform out
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there. God put you, put this video in
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front of you. You don't have to be believing
16:02
to follow me. This is nice.
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That's why I don't talk a lot about God's stuff, because
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there's some atheists that follow me, some agnostics, and
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you are welcome here as well. You don't have to believe in God
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to be here. You know what I'm saying?
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You can believe in what you want to believe in or have no beliefs
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at all. Just enjoy your life.
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You're all welcome here. Y'all be with y'all notice.
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I know I rambled on this video, but I just wanted to get you all
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my spiritual the spiritual part of it how I got to this part
16:26
right here hit that subscribe. But if you have it already and
16:29
it's always as always, yeah, this is.