Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / The Region Beta Trap Every Parent Falls Into (and How to Escape)

Transcript

The Region Beta Trap Every Parent Falls Into (and How to Escape) · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:06
  Speaker 1: Today on the Happy Families podcast, something that you may
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: not have heard about before. It's called the region Beta paradox,
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: the region Beata paradox. Kylie, do you like that when
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: I use those really big words, it's something very useful.
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: Have you heard of the region Beata paradox?
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: Come on, this is not a doctor's desk. No, what
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: are you doing?
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Stay with us? OK, here's the very short version of
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: what the region Beata paradox is and why it applies
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: to parenting. There are these things in life that are
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: mildly annoying, but we put up with them. A case
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: in point, I've got a headlight on my car that
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: is flickering at the moment, and it's annoying, but it
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: seems like it's going to be more annoying to have
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: to go into the shop and get it fixed up,
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: because headlights on cars are annoying and there's stuff, and
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: so I'm just dealing with the flickering headlight. But when
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: I drive at night, it looks like I'm flashing people
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: and the cars in front of me like flashing with
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: my headlights. Just want to clarify that, and that can
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: become embarrassing. And I've had a couple will give me doo.
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: It looks like they think that I'm telling them they're
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: not driving well and it's leading to problems. Here's another example.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: I saw knee, but it's not bad enough to see
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: the doctor.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: What about the dripping drip drip outside my window? Oh,
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: the guter that leaks, the gutter that leaks. Yeah, yeah,
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: the pile of stuff is it's amazing. It's like the
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: smallest sound.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: I'll make your deal that you can hear. I'll make
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: a deal. You fix up the pile of pictures and
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: mess that you've got in the corner of my office
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: that's been driving me crazy for a couple of months,
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: and I'll do something about the gutter.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: I can't believe you're saying that we've just painted the
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: walls and you don't want holes back in there, so.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: The region beata paradox is this over time, these more
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: mild discomforts, like.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: The way you leave socks under the table.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: All these mildlin discomforting to put the toilet seat down, relationships.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: Hey, I will steal my pillow.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: Can I just be really clear. I am very good
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: with the toilet seat and have been for twenty seven years.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm very very good with that. Six daughters, and
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: let's move on. These mild discomforts and these mild challenging
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: relationships can end up lasting much longer to.
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: Say, our challenge our relationship.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, we've got a podcast to do here.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: This is getting a little bit challenging. I'm going to
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: start that again. What I said was the paradox the
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: region beata paradox is very very simple.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: I have to lighten this up. It's not a doctor's desk.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: These mild now I can't even speak. These mildly challenging things,
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: or these mildly challenging relationships and people can end up
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: becoming very very very challenging across the long term and
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: cause you more upset and more damage than a situation
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: or a person or an event or a leaky gutter
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: if you just go and deal with it. Like but
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: we think that it's you get the really acutely upsetting
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: stuff and you act on it.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: Wait, but it's a squeaky will. It's that that concept, right,
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: The squeaky will gets the most attention.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: Well, I don't know, because the gutter is a squeaky will,
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: but it's not quite squeaky enough. No, that's the point.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: It's not urgent exactly. So something that is quite acute
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: and upsetting you take action straight away and you resolve it,
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: and then the distress doesn't last. But the cumulative total
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: of the days and the weeks and the months and
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: the years of that drip drip drip, that makes it
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: all too much. And what I want to talk about
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: today is how this applies in parenting, how it applies
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: in relationships, how it applies for couples. Because I think
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: that the region beata paradox is one of the most
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: interesting psychological phenomenon that nobody ever talks about.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: So that's why it needs a bit of name.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Well, we're three and a half minutes in and I've
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: only just finished the description of what it is, which
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: is not a good indicator of where this podcast. Okay, okay,
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: I'm blaming you. I could have had that done in
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: thirty seconds. You've really made that.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: Up to Parents sometimes overlook those minor annoyance all the.
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: Time because they think that it's insignificant compared to a
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: major problem. And so our child's wingy, whiny thingy, we
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: just kind of go, all right, I'll deal with it
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: later because I'm tired and I've got other things on
• 3:58
  Speaker 1: my plate, and so we don't. We don't deal with it.
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: So I'm thinking of one of our daughters. She's always
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: had an anxious disposition, and I talked to you about
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: it and you said, no, no, it'll be fine.
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we're handling it. We're handling it.
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: But over time it's actually it has exacerbated, it has
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: gotten worse, and we've actually needed to seek medical attention.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: So what he's saying, maybe if we'd addressed it earlier,
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: I feel like I'm about to have some fingers pointed
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: at me.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: No, it's not a finger pointing thing, but it's an
• 4:30
  Speaker 2: acknowledgment that sometimes we look at these things and kind
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: of just brush it off. I don't know how many
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: times the parents kind of said to me, I thought
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: they just rolled over and hurt themselves, and two days
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: later take them to the doctor's.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: Got a broken art and they've got a broken arm. Yeah.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: So it's really hard because there's a fine line. Right,
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: you go the other way and you become a helicopter
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: parent who jumps on every symptom and.
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: Drives everyone crazy. The kids. If you speak about the
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: issue with the anxiety with this particular daughter. I think
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: you're right. I mean, I've got a pH d in psychology.
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: I'm saying, yeah, there's definitely something going on here. But
• 5:02
  Speaker 1: we've got this, like, we've got the skills, we've got
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: the capacity to deal with this. And yet when you
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: dismiss that whining or the interrupting or the anxiety or
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: the nerves or whatever, it's just a phase if you
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: leave it unaddressed, as we discovered with our child, even
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: though we are pretty well equipped to manage this stuff.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: I thought, these behaviors can become habitual, and they can
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: cause distress for the child. They can cause dysfunction, they
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: can strain relationships. You get a child who, let's see,
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: you've got an ADHD kid constantly, constantly interrupting. And what
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: happens is if we don't help them, and if we
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: don't work through things here and create an environment that's
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: going to be supportive and help them to function effectively,
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: maybe they struggle to listen attentively in school or social
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: situations and that exacerbates things for them.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: Again, I think it's really important to understand that small
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: annoyances and our children can have a significant impact on
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: the dynamic within our family, yes, or the child's development
• 5:55
  Speaker 2: if left unaddressed.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: And that's the main thing that I'm really highlighting. It's
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: not you get this region Beater paradox where you're saying, Okay,
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: it's annoying, Okay, I'll deal with it one day. If
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: it gets any worse, I'll go and see the doctor.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: I'll go and see the psychologists, go and see the
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: school counselor. But that day never really arrives until kaboom,
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: and then it becomes really acute. But that might be
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: a couple of years down the road. And you've created
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: these patterns. You've created these systems, and potentially inadvertently created,
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: with the best of intentions, a whole lot of dysfunction
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: around the relationship or just in the child because it
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: hasn't passed that threshold of discomfort. It's been mildly annoying
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: but not uncomfortable enough to act on, but it really
• 6:36
  Speaker 1: needed to be acted on. It's like when you hurt
• 6:38
  Speaker 1: your knee and you'd rather limp on it for two
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: and a half years before you go and see the surgeon. Right.
• 6:42
  Speaker 2: It's interesting because as we're talking about this I'm actually
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: thinking about one of our daughters. When she was younger,
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: she actually said very few words for the first three years,
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: and then literally woke up on her third birthday only
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: given us single word responses to everything for three years
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: and says, mum, can I have a drink of water?
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: And it blew us away. But from that moment on
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: she has not stopped talking. She's an adult now, she
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: has not stopped talking at a rapid pace. But after
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: her her next sister came along and she was the same.
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: We hardly got any words out of here, and I
• 7:23
  Speaker 2: just thought, oh, okay, we're following a pattern. Everything will
• 7:26
  Speaker 2: be fine. She was a completely different child, and we
• 7:30
  Speaker 2: ended up spending significant time and years with her in
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: speech pathology.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I think she was maybe six or seven before
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: she was speaking properly. It was a really big deal.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: But we let that go because the previous experience, Yeah,
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: and because we thought she was kind of making progress
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: until we realized, hang on this, there is a threshold here,
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: and we probably need to lower our threshold and get
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: help earlier. As a result, there's something else to consider
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: here as well, and that is the constant barrage of
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: minor stresses like whining, and like sibling squabbles and the
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: bedtime battles and the fussy eating. They can also it's
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: not just about the child's function and how well they're doing.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: They can also impact our well being and contribute to burnout.
• 8:20
  Speaker 1: It's kind of for a parent, it's like Chinese water torture.
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: It's like death by a thousand cards. Every single one
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: of these small stresses just keeps on chipping away at
• 8:29
  Speaker 1: our patients and our energy. We become exhausted, we become irritable,
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: we become sometimes resentful towards our children. And that again,
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: is this region beat a paradox. We probably need to
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: talk about solutions, but I just find it. It's such
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: a fascinating thing and I want to make sure that
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: we explain it properly well.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: I think the biggest challenge is then when we feel
• 8:49
  Speaker 2: stressed as parents, our kids pick up on that, and
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: then it adds to the stress and the cycle of
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: negativity that we're experiencing. And when we're stressed, we're not
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: at our best does so we're reacting harshly to our kids.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: Like there's so many different dynamics that we look at.
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: When you're just saying this. The US Surgeon General put
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: out a health advisory warning on parenting. He literally said,
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: parenting can be bad for your mental health. Be careful,
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: don't go into this blindfolded as a really really serious thing.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: Okay, so you've got a psychology PhD. Right, How can
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: parents reframe their perspective on these small, minor annoyances Because
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: it's the kids, it's work stuff, it's school stuff, it's
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: financial stuff, and all those bits and pieces hanging over
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: their heads all the time.
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: All right, let's move quickly because our time is running out,
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: and we spend a lot of time just talking about
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: this paradox. I'm going to give an example. Let's look
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: at kids that are being whining, because we've dealt with
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: that pretty consistently over the years of most families will
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: admit that this comes up a lot. So instead of
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: seeing whining as defiance or as a kid who isn't
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: listening and who isn't getting it, we can view it
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: as a way of communicating an unmet need. And so
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: this is an empathy opportunity that we're so exhausted that
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: we don't want to be doing the empathy.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: But that's it.
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: Isn't it.
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: We're exhausted as parents. I think across the board, everyone
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: I speak to is in the same boat. Even people
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: that previously I've spoken to are completely content with their
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: lives are really feeling the weight and pressure of life
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: as we know it now. It's really hard.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: So let me go back to empathy. Okay, we've got
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: this behavior that is a bit annoying, and we just
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: let it go, let it go, let it go, let
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: it go, or alternatively, we crack, which doesn't do anything
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: for anybody. I actually want to focus on self regulation here.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: Self regulation is vital, it's about intention, but it's also
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: taxing to be self regulated. That's a really big challenge.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: The definition of self regulation or emotional regulation is suppressing
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: or expressing your emotions appropriately for the context in harmony
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: with the values of goals. Okay, so if you blow up,
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: you're expressing yourself, but not necessarily. You've got a short
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: term goal. You want compliance, you want the kids to
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: just be quiet. But the long term goal is quite different,
• 11:03
  Speaker 1: and that is for our children to be able to
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: thrive into to do well here. So we've got to
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: have honest, empathic, clear conversations with our children, because that's
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: going to get us to the long term goal. It's
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: the explore, explain, empower conversations. And we can only do
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: that if we're well regulated, if we're emotionally balanced, and
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: I reckon, I reckon that. If we can do that
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: model it, we're also going to be much more effective
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: at teaching kids the calming techniques they need, like taking
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: a deep breath or taking a break. That sort of
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: stuff will help as well. And then the region beta
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: paradox takes care of itself because people are better regulated,
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: people are functioning better. We don't seem to have the
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: same challenges.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: So you're making this sound like it's very easy self
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: regulation when we've just acknowledged that we are feeling stressed, overwhelmed,
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: and exhausted. Yeah, so we need to talk about self
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: care because parents can't be self regulated if they're not
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: taking care of their own emotional wellbeing.
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: Telling me ask you, I mean I travel a lot,
• 12:06
  Speaker 1: I'm not here a lot. You're the one that's actually
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: in the heat of the furnace much more than I
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: am around this. What would you say about self care?
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: You have to be absolutely intentional, and I guess from
• 12:18
  Speaker 2: the outside looking in you could even say you have
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: to be selfish with some time. I wouldn't call it
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: selfishness because I think it's imperative. But it's so easy
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: as a mum, and I think mums struggle with it
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: more than dad's, no doubt. But it is so hard
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: to say I actually need to go for a walk
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: for half an hour, because there is a to do
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: list that is bigger than you're going to get through
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: in any given day anyway, and so the idea that
• 12:46
  Speaker 2: you would take a little bit of time out for
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: yourself feels like it's a cop out or it's a
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: waste of time compared to everything else that needs to happen.
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: And I'm watching it more and more with friends and
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: family who I don't have time to connect with my friends,
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: that is probably one of the biggest self care things
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: that we can do as women love it. We need
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: each other, we need community, but we spend so much
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: time being overwhelmed with our to do list that we
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: scrap that because it's not imperative to the way our
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: family functions. Okay, so I think we've got it all wrong.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: So I'm going to wrap this up fairly quickly. Now
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: there's one more thing that I want to talk about,
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: but just on what you've highlighted with the whole self
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: care issue, you've tapped into something that's absolutely vital, and
• 13:32
  Speaker 1: that is the importance of quality relationships, making sure that
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: you make time for other people. That that's really at
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: the heart of it. And anything else that you choose
• 13:41
  Speaker 1: to do has to be rejuvenating, which would mean in
• 13:44
  Speaker 1: ninety nine point nine percent of cases, it should not
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: involve your screen. Because your screen it depletes you, it
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: de energizes you, it takes you in exactly the opposite direction.
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: And if you have a good half an hour sit
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: on the couch staring at your screen, you very rarely,
• 13:57
  Speaker 1: if ever jump to your feet and say, well I
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: feel so much better now, I'm ready to go again.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: You kind of just sit there and feel increasingly depleted.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: It really does zapp your energy. So there are the
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: two things that I'd say, build those connections, find ways
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: to connect with other people, and stay off the screens. Now,
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: like I said, there's one more thing that I really
• 14:13
  Speaker 1: want to touch on. We are out of time, so
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: I have to go through it really fast. But I
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: think that it matters a great deal and that's how
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: parents can differentiate between typical child behaviors and potential underlying
• 14:24
  Speaker 1: issues that require intervention. Okay, this region beata paradox. We're
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: looking at this stuff that's annoying, annoying, annoying, annoying. It's
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: a niggle niggle, niggle niggle, but we don't do anything
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: about it. And we've talked about it in terms of
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: anxiety in our family and also ADHD in our family.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: We haven't touched on that, but in both instances there's
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: been niggle niggle, niggle, niggle niggle, and we've decided to
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: put it off and put it off and put it off.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: In two cases now with our kids, you have been
• 14:49
  Speaker 1: the one that picked up on it. I've acknowledged it.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: I've seen that it's there, but I've had that it'll
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: be right, we'll just deal with it. I've had that approach,
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: whereas you've had a different approach. I've said, it's below
• 15:00
  Speaker 1: the threshold, we're handling it. You've stepped in and your
• 15:04
  Speaker 1: mama spidy senses have kicked into the point where you've
• 15:08
  Speaker 1: essentially convinced me to take it more seriously. And you've
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: been right both times. So what I would say, is
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: this as a parent, when you're dealing with these region
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: beta issues and you're concerned that it might be something else,
• 15:20
  Speaker 1: consider the frequency, consider the intensity, Consider the duration of
• 15:23
  Speaker 1: the behaviors that are drip dripping, and if it's persistent,
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: if it's causing significant distress, or if it's interfering with
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: function and daily life, it is worth exploring it with
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: a professional. You will get better guidance than doing what
• 15:37
  Speaker 1: I did and saying it'll be right.
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: I think the other thing that's really important. One of
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: our children has had a significant health challenge for many years.
• 15:48
  Speaker 2: But I would go to the doctor regularly and tell
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: them that this was not right, what was happening with
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: her was not normal, and we would do all of
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: the tests and they would all come back clear. And
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: I did that for what ten years, at least about
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: ten years, because every twelve months, I'd go, we can't
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: keep going like this, yep.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: And it's a great example of a reagion beata paradox.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: I think that again, you just have to trust your
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: gut on their stuff and keep pushing through onto you
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: find the answers.
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: Well, that also highlights another reality, and that is that
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: it might be above your threshold. But then you go
• 16:24
  Speaker 1: and see a medical practitioner or a mental health practitioner
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: and they say, oh, this is just the minor niggle
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: for them, it's a region beata issue and you're going
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: but this has been a minor niggle for ten years now.
• 16:34
  Speaker 1: It needs surgery. If I had a minor niggle in
• 16:36
  Speaker 1: my knee for ten years, I would go and get
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: something done about it. So deal with the niggles, get
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: on top of them. It matters. The Happy Family's podcast
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: is produced by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. For more
• 16:47
  Speaker 1: on making your family happier and working on that self regulation,
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: check out our social pages on Facebook and Instagram, or
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: visit us at happy families dot com dot au