Latest / Recovering Out Loud / "I Miss It Sometimes" — Euphoric Recall & What Recovery Doesn't Let You Say Out Loud

Transcript

"I Miss It Sometimes" — Euphoric Recall & What Recovery Doesn't Let You Say Out Loud · Recovering Out Loud

• 0:00
  I want to talk about something that's not talked about enough
• 0:02
  in addiction recovery. You hear people get sober and
• 0:05
  all the time they say, you know, I don't miss.
• 0:08
  I don't miss the drinking days. I don't miss using.
• 0:11
  It was horrible. It was all bad.
• 0:13
  I haven't found that to be true. I had a lot of fun in my
• 0:16
  drinking and using days or I wouldn't have continued going.
• 0:18
  I'm going to hazard a guess that a lot of you have also had a lot
• 0:21
  of fun times, otherwise we wouldn't have gone to the depths
• 0:25
  we did. It did something for us in the
• 0:26
  beginning, alcohol and drugs, or a solution to my problem, my
• 0:31
  thinking problem, my perception problem.
• 0:33
  It was my failed solution, but for a long time it did what it
• 0:37
  what I was looking for. It did what I set out to do,
• 0:40
  which was seek relief, oblivion, quiet, peace, comfort, ease and
• 0:45
  comfort. That's all I ever wanted in
• 0:47
  life, that quiet in my head. I didn't want to keep worrying
• 0:51
  about what you thought of me. I hated going into rooms and
• 0:53
  thinking to myself, all those people are all looking at me.
• 0:56
  They're talking about me. They're thinking they're making
• 0:58
  fun of the way I walk or the way I look, or my hat or my my build
• 1:02
  or my face. Alcohol and drugs made that go
• 1:05
  away. And so that's why for a long
• 1:07
  time I sought that because in the beginning, it did what I
• 1:11
  looked for my whole life. That connection with you, the
• 1:16
  connection with the people in the room where I felt like I fit
• 1:19
  in, I felt like I was a part of. For once in my life, I could
• 1:24
  just exist and be accepted for who I was.
• 1:27
  That's what drugs and alcohol did for me.
• 1:29
  I want to ask you today before I jump in, what did drugs and
• 1:32
  alcohol do for you? What did drinking do that you
• 1:37
  chased it to the depths you did? Because a lot of us, it was a
• 1:41
  solution. Like I said, I've been looking
• 1:43
  for this peace and quiet my whole life.
• 1:46
  And when I take a drink, the world suddenly doesn't seem as
• 1:50
  bad. My problems melt away.
• 1:52
  They slip away myself seeking slips away.
• 1:55
  I don't think about my circumstances in my life.
• 1:58
  I don't think about what you're thinking of me.
• 2:01
  I don't care. I don't care about a lot of
• 2:02
  things. So in today's episode, I want to
• 2:05
  talk about the parts of my using and drinking days that we
• 2:07
  actually miss, that I actually fantasize about that.
• 2:11
  I think about the way my triggers and obsessions happened
• 2:15
  today. I'll say this.
• 2:17
  They are fewer and far between than when I first came in the
• 2:21
  first three months of my recovery.
• 2:22
  This time around I was thinking about using cocaine everyday.
• 2:25
  How did I get through that? I called somebody every time I
• 2:28
  thought about using drugs and I just simply told them, hey, I
• 2:32
  I'm thinking about using coke today.
• 2:33
  I didn't care about what I thought they would think.
• 2:36
  I didn't care about the judgment that I thought was going to
• 2:38
  happen. And again, if you find someone
• 2:40
  in recovery that has what you want and has been through it
• 2:43
  before, they're not going to judge you.
• 2:45
  They're they're going to laugh it off with you because our
• 2:47
  brains are doing that thing. Again, it's simple.
• 2:50
  I'm thinking about the thing that almost killed me because I
• 2:53
  only remember the good times. I only remember the highlight
• 2:56
  reel. My brain doesn't remember
• 2:58
  getting kicked out of the hotel that one time.
• 2:59
  My brain doesn't remember with sufficient thought force.
• 3:03
  It's not the first thought that me hiding in the bathroom
• 3:07
  waiting for someone to come in and kill me doesn't think about
• 3:10
  those times. It thinks about the reliefs I
• 3:13
  received, especially and not always, but especially when
• 3:16
  times are tough in my recovery, but even when things are going
• 3:19
  good. I was walking to the shower the
• 3:21
  other day, a couple weeks ago actually, and I had a a fantasy
• 3:25
  about that time. I was alone in my hotel room
• 3:29
  doing drugs and my brain tells me, oh, remember that?
• 3:32
  That was fun, wasn't it? Noticing being aware of those
• 3:36
  thought patterns before it's too late might save your life.
• 3:40
  And it saved my life many times. So let's get into it.
• 3:43
  There's a feeling in recovery no one warns you about when you
• 3:46
  miss your old life and have nobody to say it to.
• 3:50
  Because if you say it in your group, your circle, your
• 3:53
  recovery community, people might get nervous and they might not
• 3:57
  know how to handle it, and you might think that they will judge
• 3:59
  you and think that you're less than, you're not working a
• 4:01
  proper program, all bullshit. If you say to your family,
• 4:05
  they'll panic and they'll start calling rehabs.
• 4:08
  Maybe, I don't know. It depends how bad off you put
• 4:11
  them in a situation before what the damage you caused.
• 4:14
  A lot of us might not even have a family support anymore because
• 4:17
  we burn so many bridges. So you just sit with it alone,
• 4:20
  and that's exactly when it becomes dangerous.
• 4:23
  The thing nobody says out loud. Admitting you miss anything
• 4:28
  about active addiction feels like you're betraying your
• 4:30
  recovery. It feels like I should be doing
• 4:33
  better. I shouldn't be thinking about
• 4:34
  such petty things. This thing almost killed me.
• 4:36
  I drove me, ruined my life. How could I be fantasizing about
• 4:40
  it today? Here's the unspoken rule.
• 4:42
  Once you're sober, your old life is supposed to be all bottom.
• 4:46
  No top. You're not supposed to remember
• 4:48
  the good, the good times. It's supposed to be all, all
• 4:50
  bad. But listen, let's be honest
• 4:52
  here, there was a lot of good times.
• 4:53
  Like I said, off the top, there was a lot of fun.
• 4:56
  There was a lot of good memories with people and connection that
• 5:01
  I can't just ignore or say to myself, oh, that was never fun
• 5:05
  or it was all bad. It's not true.
• 5:07
  Why is the silence actually the risk?
• 5:11
  I've watched a lot of people who relapse and they're usually the
• 5:14
  ones not talking about what's going on in their brain.
• 5:16
  They're usually the ones that are trying to do it on their
• 5:19
  own. I'm going to manage this.
• 5:20
  I'll tell you 90% of the truth, but this 10% I'm embarrassed
• 5:23
  about. I'm ashamed.
• 5:24
  I'm not going to share this because again, I don't want you
• 5:27
  to judge me. Those are deadly, deadly thought
• 5:30
  patterns. The people who relapsed aren't
• 5:33
  the ones talking about missing it.
• 5:35
  They're the ones who stopped talking about it completely.
• 5:38
  And don't get me wrong, there's a time and place to glorify the
• 5:40
  good old days and identifying with a new alcoholic or an
• 5:44
  addict. It's, it holds a very prominent
• 5:47
  place. It's a very essential part of
• 5:48
  the process. I need to tell you about all my
• 5:51
  drinking escapades and memories and consequences, the whole
• 5:54
  picture so that you will gain trust in me, so that I can help
• 5:58
  you through this. Because if I came into recovery
• 6:01
  and people didn't tell me about their drinking and using days, I
• 6:05
  wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't have identified.
• 6:07
  I would have left a long time ago because you're nothing like
• 6:09
  me. You didn't suffer as much as I
• 6:11
  did. When I hear these stories and
• 6:13
  these drinking memories and these situations in high bottoms
• 6:17
  and low bottoms and and rock bottoms all together, when I
• 6:20
  hear them, it makes me feel like I belong.
• 6:22
  Like I, I feel like I can trust you.
• 6:25
  And if you got through that, I can get through it.
• 6:28
  Because we're very much alike. The feelings are all the same.
• 6:31
  Maybe the circumstances are different, but the feelings are
• 6:34
  the same. That remorse, that self pity,
• 6:37
  that bewilderment, that incomprehensible demoralization,
• 6:41
  that pit that I was in for so many times days, so many times I
• 6:45
  can remember hating myself, wanting to stop, not being able
• 6:48
  to stop promising I wouldn't do it, did it anyways.
• 6:51
  I need to hear that from you so that I can trust you and recover
• 6:55
  with you. I like this line.
• 6:57
  I had someone told me, tell me once the thoughts you can talk
• 7:01
  about are the thoughts you control.
• 7:04
  The ones you can't are the ones that control you.
• 7:08
  So the ones you're not talking about are the ones that control
• 7:10
  you. Because if I don't tell you
• 7:12
  about it, it's going to gain power in my head.
• 7:14
  It's going to seem like a good idea.
• 7:16
  And then one day I'm buying into that idea that, oh, you know
• 7:19
  what? This.
• 7:20
  Maybe I could do it differently this time.
• 7:22
  Maybe ADHD medication won't take me down.
• 7:24
  Maybe I can take these peptides safely and not tell anybody and
• 7:28
  I'll get through it and it's going to solve my problem.
• 7:31
  I need to be honest, fully 100% honest today in my recovery or
• 7:35
  I'm doomed. It's a slow burn and it
• 7:37
  eventually accumulates into the fuck it's which I always talk
• 7:41
  about and then I'm relapsed again.
• 7:43
  This episode is a permission slip if you've been missing it
• 7:46
  and feeling like a bad sober person.
• 7:48
  And I am missing the the times, the sober, the addiction,
• 7:53
  missing the fun times. You're not, you're not a bad
• 7:57
  sober person. You're not doing it wrong.
• 7:58
  You are a normal sober person who was told to hide a normal
• 8:01
  feeling. So before we get into what
• 8:04
  people miss, let me explain why your brain does this because
• 8:07
  that's there's a name for it and it's not a character flaw.
• 8:10
  It's completely normal to miss the drinking and using days.
• 8:14
  Again, it does get quieter and less frequent the more you stay
• 8:17
  sober, the longer you stay sober.
• 8:19
  That's been my experience. Anyways.
• 8:22
  Again, this is recovering out loud.
• 8:23
  My name is Anthony. I'm an alcoholic and an addict.
• 8:25
  I've been in recovery since 2015.
• 8:27
  I had a relapse after 7 1/2 years on secrets and ADHD
• 8:30
  medication and steroids, and today I'm coming up to a year
• 8:33
  and a half sober again. I'm bringing my experience,
• 8:36
  hopefully my strength and my hope to you so that you can
• 8:39
  recover and know that you're not alone.
• 8:42
  Why Your brain lies to you. Euphoric Recall Euphoric recall
• 8:46
  is a documented cognitive bias where the brain remembers the
• 8:50
  past substance used disproportionately in a positive
• 8:54
  light while filtering out the negative consequences.
• 8:57
  It's not weakness, it's wiring. Addiction changes the
• 9:00
  hippocampus, which is part of your brain which controls memory
• 9:03
  formation and retrieval. Your brain.
• 9:06
  In other words, your brain is showing you the highlight reel
• 9:08
  and burying the footage from the morgue.
• 9:11
  So you're getting the director's cut.
• 9:13
  Or maybe you're not. Maybe it's not the director's
• 9:15
  cut. Maybe it's just the highlight
• 9:16
  reel. All the good times.
• 9:17
  You're cutting out the being kicked out of the hotel, you're
• 9:20
  cutting out the crying wife, the crying husband, you're cutting
• 9:23
  out the crying kids because that's uncomfortable.
• 9:27
  My brain doesn't want to remember that.
• 9:29
  So this is called something called the fading effect bias,
• 9:33
  which is the other half of this. The fading effect bias is the
• 9:36
  emotional weight of negative memories fading faster than the
• 9:41
  emotional weight of the positive ones.
• 9:43
  Takes longer for the positive sorry for the negative memories
• 9:49
  to fade than the positive ones. Your brain holds on to those
• 9:52
  ones a little bit longer. So the longer you're sober, the
• 9:55
  better the using looks and the less terrible the consequences
• 9:58
  feel. This is why for a lot of people,
• 10:00
  months 18 is harder than month 3.
• 10:04
  Not because something went wrong, but because the brain has
• 10:06
  had longer to do its editing process.
• 10:08
  What this means practically, your nostalgia is expected.
• 10:12
  It's actually a sign your brain is functioning normally.
• 10:15
  Addiction wired. But normally the work is not to
• 10:19
  make the nostalgia disappear. The work is to know when it is
• 10:24
  what it is when it shows up. For me, this is it comes in the
• 10:29
  form of, oh, remember that time? Oh, that was fun when you had
• 10:32
  all that, that freedom and you had that hotel and yeah, you
• 10:35
  were kicked out by your wife, but at least you could do things
• 10:37
  the way you wanted. At least you didn't have
• 10:39
  responsibilities. You didn't have to go to work
• 10:41
  because you got fired from that job and life was fun.
• 10:44
  Remember how fun that was? Here's what I've come to realize
• 10:47
  about this whole thing. I don't necessarily miss the
• 10:51
  high of doing coke or drinking. I miss the illusory freedom
• 10:56
  brought upon by drugs and alcohol.
• 10:58
  This not having to be an adult, the ability to turn my phone
• 11:01
  off, kick my shoes off, relax, unwind, not worry.
• 11:05
  I miss this fake freedom, illusory freedom that I used to
• 11:10
  have. The things you're allowed to
• 11:13
  miss 1 Missing the escape. The relief that came with the
• 11:18
  first drink, the first line, the first smoke, whatever toque, the
• 11:22
  shoulders dropping, the volume going down, the breath.
• 11:27
  I could finally relax and breathe.
• 11:31
  The escape from my thoughts, myself, my circumstances.
• 11:35
  Not necessarily escaping life or reality.
• 11:40
  I'm escaping myself. All my defects of character, all
• 11:45
  the things I don't like about myself.
• 11:47
  I just it didn't matter. It slipped away as I said.
• 11:50
  Relief from the constant noise, anxiety, hyper vigilance, racing
• 11:55
  thoughts. Whatever your particular flavor
• 11:57
  of unrest was, your dis ease 2 missing the using buddies, using
• 12:03
  friends, the friendships that only made sense because you were
• 12:06
  both using. You were connected by the bag or
• 12:10
  connected by the pitcher of beer.
• 12:15
  Those relationships where you could just talk for hours on
• 12:19
  high, on drugs or drunk and just be open with somebody.
• 12:23
  The connection you felt where you could just let it all out
• 12:27
  and not worry about how they would receive you, how they
• 12:29
  would judge you because you both shared that bond.
• 12:32
  The hard truth. Those weren't all fake
• 12:35
  friendships. Some of them are real.
• 12:37
  They were just built on a shared sickness.
• 12:40
  They were built. They were built on the wrong
• 12:44
  motive. I'll say the wrong.
• 12:45
  They were built on something you thought was real, but it was
• 12:49
  surface level. That's my opinion anyways.
• 12:51
  The need underneath all this is being seen by someone who got it
• 12:55
  without explanation. Belonging 3.
• 12:58
  Missing the ritual, the preparation, the anticipation.
• 13:03
  Remember that I'm texting my dealer and I'm excited when it's
• 13:06
  going to show up. I'm more excited ordering my
• 13:08
  drugs online and waiting for them to come in.
• 13:10
  Going to the mailbox, opening the mailbox, seeing the package
• 13:13
  there. That got me high.
• 13:15
  I was. My dopamine was firing on all
• 13:18
  levels from the anticipation of having that first drink or drug,
• 13:22
  the leading up to the drive, the call, the wait, the setup.
• 13:27
  Sometimes that was as good as the high.
• 13:29
  I, I'll say, I'll go out on a limb here and say that that was
• 13:31
  better than the actual high because every time I used and
• 13:34
  picked up, my dopamine didn't match what I thought my dopamine
• 13:37
  was going to match and it let me down.
• 13:39
  But leading up to it, I was so high anticipating that feeling
• 13:45
  of just picking up, just having the drugs in my hand.
• 13:49
  I was safe if I had my drugs on me, if I had enough drugs for
• 13:53
  the foreseeable future. That was what I chased for a
• 13:56
  long time. Missing the ritual 4.
• 13:59
  Missing the identity. You knew who you were the fuck
• 14:04
  up, the wild one, the party, the fun guy, the funny guy, the
• 14:07
  funny girl, the tragic figure. Without my using, I didn't know
• 14:11
  what I was. I'd like I said in that identity
• 14:13
  episode that I recorded, I had an identity touched so strong to
• 14:17
  my attic self that I didn't know who I was without it, without
• 14:21
  the drugs, without the alcohol. Sober me was a stranger and the
• 14:24
  addict had a personality I'd spent years building and I knew
• 14:27
  who that was. I was accustomed to that person,
• 14:29
  that that character, that stage character.
• 14:33
  The need underneath identity self concept, A story about who
• 14:38
  you are. Recovery asks you to be someone
• 14:42
  you've never met. That's disorienting, whether or
• 14:45
  not anyone admits it. And then five.
• 14:48
  How about this one? Missing the body, the figure,
• 14:51
  the appearance, what substances did to your body.
• 14:54
  So for me, the stimulants allowed me not to eat and I
• 14:57
  could lose weight. And I liked the way my face
• 14:59
  looked because it was hollowed out.
• 15:01
  I thought it was good. I thought it was a taint,
• 15:03
  achievable. I thought it was what people
• 15:05
  wanted. I thought it was what I wanted.
• 15:07
  I wasn't thinking about food all the time.
• 15:08
  So that felt good. Physically, chemically,
• 15:12
  sensorily. This one is hardest to talk
• 15:15
  about because it's the most honest.
• 15:16
  The substance worked, that's why we used it.
• 15:18
  It allowed me to be skinny. It allowed me to not have to eat
• 15:23
  all the time. The need underneath
• 15:25
  psychological regulation. A nervous system that doesn't
• 15:30
  know how to soothe itself is going to miss the thing that
• 15:32
  soothed it, even if that thing was killing it.
• 15:35
  So we've named all the things that we miss or could
• 15:38
  potentially miss. There's many more, but these are
• 15:40
  just a few. That's step one.
• 15:42
  Step 2 is where a lot of people miss and the posts on social
• 15:46
  media won't really talk about, but what to actually do with
• 15:49
  this. So the standard line is find
• 15:52
  healthier ways to meet the same needs.
• 15:54
  That's true for some of them. Connection, yes, find a new
• 15:57
  community. Ritual, Yes, build the new ones.
• 16:00
  Intensity. Yes.
• 16:01
  Find legal versions of aliveness recovery community is so
• 16:05
  important in my life today. I can't stress enough how
• 16:08
  important it is to lean on like minded people.
• 16:11
  So if there's think of it into two buckets here, bucket one
• 16:16
  says needs you can meet differently connection.
• 16:19
  So your sober community ritual, morning routine, sober ritual,
• 16:23
  meditation, prayer, journaling, identity.
• 16:25
  You build a new one slowly through doing things that you
• 16:27
  like doing intensity, cold water, hard workouts, creative
• 16:32
  work, real risk taking that doesn't involve fentanyl.
• 16:35
  Bucket 2 needs. You have to grieve or let go,
• 16:37
  surrender the oblivion, the chemical relief, the version of
• 16:42
  yourself who didn't care, the quick fix, the microwave
• 16:45
  mentality. I have to let that go because
• 16:47
  it's not realistic to just solve my problems in this snap of a
• 16:50
  finger, in the instant gratification.
• 16:54
  Grief as a recovery skill. Sobriety includes a real loss.
• 16:57
  Even if what you lost was killing you, you have to grieve
• 17:00
  that old version of yourself. There's no way around it.
• 17:02
  You can love what you lost and still be glad that it's gone.
• 17:05
  Two things can be true. That's adult emotional life.
• 17:09
  I can be sad that I lost this identity, but I can also realize
• 17:14
  that it was killing me and it doesn't serve me anymore and I'm
• 17:16
  becoming a new version of myself.
• 17:17
  Play the tape all the way through to the end.
• 17:20
  The practical tool, So whenever I get a using thought, euphoric
• 17:24
  recall shows up. I can force the brain past the
• 17:28
  highlight reel and play the tape all the way through.
• 17:30
  What happened all the way through that time when I picked
• 17:34
  up those drugs, when I took those ADHD pills, when I took
• 17:38
  that meth, where did I end up? Maybe not right away, but how
• 17:42
  did I end up that night? I couldn't sleep.
• 17:44
  My wife was yelling at me because I was talking so much
• 17:47
  and I wasn't eating. I slept in because I was staying
• 17:50
  up all night. And then I wasted all my time on
• 17:53
  the Internet doing nothing high out of my mind, shopping for
• 17:55
  more drugs. That was my ritual, my routine.
• 17:58
  And then invariably I end up hating myself at the end.
• 18:02
  Play the tape all the way through to the end.
• 18:04
  If you've been missing your old life and thinking that it means
• 18:07
  you're not really sober or you're not doing it right, you
• 18:09
  are. You're just sober and honest.
• 18:12
  That actually the version that lasts.
• 18:15
  Here's something that you can do tonight.
• 18:17
  Find one person, whether it's a sponsor, a sober friend, a
• 18:20
  therapist, peer in your recovery community, someone with a like
• 18:23
  minded, as you say, one true sentence about what you miss.
• 18:28
  Tell them what you miss about it.
• 18:30
  Not a confession, not a relapse warning, just a sentence.
• 18:33
  I miss blank sometimes. Sometimes I miss having the
• 18:37
  freedom, having the ability to just shut off my brain.
• 18:40
  I miss that sometimes. And that's OK.
• 18:43
  I can get it out and it loses its power when you get it out,
• 18:47
  when you put pen to paper or when you tell somebody about it.
• 18:50
  And if you're worried about calling someone and bothering
• 18:52
  them, just think about it this way.
• 18:54
  If you call somebody, you could be helping them.
• 18:57
  You never know, you might be helping them because when they
• 18:59
  help you, they're out of their shit.
• 19:01
  I like to think of it like that. I am reaching out to somebody
• 19:06
  and just saying, hey, can I run something by you?
• 19:09
  Hey, I want to get your opinion on this.
• 19:11
  Hey, I've been having this thought in my head.
• 19:14
  Let me run something by you. Let me put get this out because
• 19:17
  I need to get it out. Simple, not easy.
• 19:20
  You're not failing by missing it.
• 19:21
  You're doing recovery by being able to look at it.
• 19:24
  The people in trouble aren't the ones who miss the old life.
• 19:28
  They're the ones who've buried that they miss it.
• 19:31
  I don't think they'll ever be a time where I I don't miss parts
• 19:34
  of my drinking and using a lot of it was fun.
• 19:36
  Like I said, the difference today is that I can be honest
• 19:40
  and aware about it. I can play the tape all the way
• 19:42
  through and tell myself, hey, yeah, that seemed like it was
• 19:46
  fun. But remember all the negatives
• 19:47
  that came with it. Because I don't know about you,
• 19:49
  but if you're listening to this, chances are you have more
• 19:52
  negatives than positives. Otherwise, you wouldn't be here.
• 19:55
  You wouldn't be seeking recovery.
• 19:56
  You wouldn't be trying to better yourself.
• 19:58
  I have many more negative. The negatives always outweigh
• 20:02
  the positives for me and my experience.
• 20:04
  That's because I I had a lot of experiences that really brought
• 20:09
  me to a bottom that I didn't want to ever experience again.
• 20:12
  I don't ever want to go back there.
• 20:14
  I don't ever want to go back to my using and drinking.
• 20:16
  I don't ever want to relapse. Do I miss it sometimes?
• 20:20
  Yeah, for sure. There was a lot of times that
• 20:22
  didn't end up in horrible consequences.
• 20:25
  The difference is by the end of it.
• 20:28
  I always hated myself. I always ended up in that same
• 20:31
  feeling by the end, that remorse, that bitterness, that
• 20:34
  self pity. When I had one problem, I would
• 20:37
  use and drink and then I would have many more problems.
• 20:40
  The the hangover was always would always outweigh the
• 20:43
  positives for me. So just be honest with yourself
• 20:45
  today. Play the tape all the way
• 20:47
  through. What happened when you picked up
• 20:49
  that next week, that next month that that next day?
• 20:52
  What was that like? Remember what that was like?
• 20:55
  Be honest with yourself. Are you allowed to miss it?
• 20:58
  Absolutely. But you can grieve that old
• 21:00
  version of yourself and move on and build a new version of
• 21:03
  yourself, one that can face life head on without having to
• 21:06
  escape. Can face hard times, get through
• 21:10
  them. This too shall pass, Don't ever
• 21:12
  forget that. Thank you for being here today.
• 21:14
  Thank you for listening. If no one has told you this yet,
• 21:17
  I love you. Please like, follow, subscribe,
• 21:20
  rate the podcast. I appreciate every single one of
• 21:23
  you. Don't ever forget recovery is
• 21:25
  simple, not easy.