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5: How Friends Can Help Discern Your Callings · Finding God at Work

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  (Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Hi, I'm Chris.
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  This is Finding God at Work.
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  Just a reminder that Finding God at Work
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  isn't just a podcast, it's also an online
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  course.
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  Check it out at findinggodatwork.org.
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  Our current series is Meaningful Work, Calling, Formation,
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  Service, and Love.
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  I want you to imagine that you're at
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  a career transition point.
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  Say you're up for a promotion at work,
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  or you just got laid off, you're considering
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  going back to school, something like that.
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  And if that's literally true of you right
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  now, so much the better.
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  Who are you talking to about the decisions
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  that you have to make while you're at
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  this juncture?
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  Who's helping you make that decision?
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  It might seem like a weird question because
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  a lot of these decisions we have to
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  make for ourselves.
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  We can't assign them to some committee to
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  make up their minds for us.
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  We have to embrace the reality that the
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  buck stops here and go one way or
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  the other.
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  If we're married, we might have a sense
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  of making that decision together with our spouse.
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  But even there, it's like, wow, we can
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  only spread responsibility so far.
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  We've really got to make a decision and
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  take responsibility for that decision.
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  At the same time, you may know from
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  experience that it's really helpful to get other
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  people's input sometimes when you're making decisions.
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  And yet it can also be dicey.
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  And I want to cite the work of
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  someone who's been really helpful for me, an
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  educator and contemplative named Parker J.
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  Palmer.
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  He writes about this kind of desire for
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  other people's input and yet how it can
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  be dicey really well, I think.
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  So let me read this paragraph from his
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  essay, The Clearness Committee.
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  Many of us face a dilemma when trying
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  to deal with a personal problem, question, or
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  decision.
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  On the one hand, we know that the
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  issue is ours alone to resolve and that
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  we have the inner resources to resolve it.
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  But access to our own resources is often
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  blocked by layers of inner stuff, confusion, habitual
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  thinking, fear, despair.
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  On the other hand, we know that friends
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  might help us uncover our inner resources and
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  find our way.
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  But by exposing our problems to others, we
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  run the risk of being invaded and overshadowed
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  and overwhelmed by their assumptions, judgments, and advice,
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  a common and alienating experience.
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  As a result, we often privatize these vital
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  questions in our lives.
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  At the very moment when we need all
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  the help we can get, we find ourselves
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  cut off from both our inner resources and
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  the support of a community.
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  Does that sound familiar at all?
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  It definitely sounds familiar to me.
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  It's really hard to know how do I
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  go about getting other people's input without it
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  backfiring, without being overwhelmed by them not understanding
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  things or them giving me advice that I
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  don't actually need or what have you.
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  I find that this conundrum really, really needs
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  attention in our lives.
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  Because if we try and make our decisions
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  without the input of friends or community, then
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  that's one problem.
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  But if we also don't have that capacity
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  to just own our own agency and make
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  the call, that's also a problem.
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  How do we preserve that sense of agency
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  and community?
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  I want to go to scripture and give
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  a really intriguing example of this, and then
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  actually come back to Parker Palmer for a
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  practical way we could explore practicing what scripture
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  shows us.
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  This is from the book of Acts, Paul's
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  journeys as an evangelist, as someone who proclaims
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  the good news.
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  He goes all throughout the Mediterranean world sharing
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  the good news of Jesus, and then he's
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  eventually journeying back toward Jerusalem.
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  And this is in Acts chapter 21, starting
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  in verse 3.
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  When we had come inside of Cyprus, leaving
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  it on the left, we sailed to Syria
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  and landed at Tyre, for there the ship
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  was to unload its cargo.
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  And having sought out the disciples, we stayed
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  there for seven days.
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  And through the Spirit, they were telling Paul
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  not to go on to Jerusalem.
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  When our days there were ended, we departed
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  and went on our journey.
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  And they all, with wives and children, accompanied
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  us until we were outside the city.
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  And kneeling down on the beach, we prayed
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  and said farewell to one another.
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  Then we went on board the ship, and
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  they returned home.
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  Okay, really intriguing turn of phrase there.
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  Did you catch that?
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  And through the Spirit, they were telling Paul
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  not to go on to Jerusalem.
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  So Paul's going to Jerusalem.
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  He's already decided that's his destination.
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  Then he's connecting with the community here in,
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  I believe, Tyre, while he's on his way
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  back to Jerusalem.
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  And the disciples there are urging him not
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  to go to Jerusalem.
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  But they're not just urging him, it says
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  through the Spirit, they're telling him not to
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  go to Jerusalem.
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  There's some sort of action in God here,
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  warning Paul about what's going to happen.
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  And yet despite this warning, Paul continues on
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  his journey.
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  Let's see what happens next.
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  This is picking up again in verse 7.
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  When we had finished the voyage from Tyre,
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  we arrived at Ptolemaeus, and we greeted the
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  brothers and stayed with them for one day.
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  On the next day, we departed and came
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  to Caesarea, and we entered the house of
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  Philip the Evangelist, who was one of the
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  seven, and stayed with him.
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  He had four unmarried daughters who prophesied.
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  While we were staying for many days, a
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  prophet named Agabus came down from Judea.
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  And coming to us, he took Paul's belt
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  and bound his own feet and hands and
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  said, Thus says the Holy Spirit, this is
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  how the Jews at Jerusalem will bind the
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  man who owns this belt and deliver him
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  into the hands of the Gentiles.
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  When we heard this, we and the people
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  there urged him not to go up to
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  Jerusalem.
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  Then Paul answered, What are you doing, weeping
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  and breaking my heart?
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  For I am ready not only to be
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  imprisoned, but even to die in Jerusalem for
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  the name of the Lord Jesus.
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  And since he would not be persuaded, we
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  ceased and said, Let the will of the
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  Lord be done.
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  Okay, so again, this pattern almost repeats itself.
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  They move on from Tyre to another place,
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  Ptolemaes for just one day, and then to
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  Caesarea.
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  They're staying there for several days.
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  And somebody all the way from Judea, from
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  the area where Jerusalem is, travels to Caesarea
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  in order to say, Look, if you go
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  to Jerusalem, bad things are going to happen
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  to you.
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  It's a kind of a prophetic ministry in
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  the Holy Spirit where he's doing this sort
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  of like symbolic motion with Paul's belt saying
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  you're going to be bound like a prisoner
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  if you go to Jerusalem.
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  And at that point, not only do the
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  disciples there in Caesarea warn Paul not to
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  go to Jerusalem, but Paul's companions join in.
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  Did you notice that we, so it's Luke
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  who's one of Paul's companions who's writing this
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  account.
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  And he says, When we heard this, we
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  and the people there urged him not to
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  go up to Jerusalem.
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  But then Paul's response is again, like, No,
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  I'm going to do it.
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  I'm going to go to Jerusalem.
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  And at the end, he's not persuaded to
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  change plans.
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  So we ceased and said, Let the will
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  of the Lord be done.
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  I find this passage so fascinating.
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  There's so many layers here.
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  But what I want to emphasize is the
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  kind of habit that Paul has.
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  What is Paul's habit?
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  Well, as he's journeying, even though he's already
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  made his decision to go to Jerusalem, what's
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  he doing?
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  He's checking in with people that he has
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  close relationship with.
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  People who have been part of his life
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  journey, communities where he's been before, where he
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  proclaimed the word of God, where churches came
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  into being.
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  He's going and he's connecting with those people.
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  He's spending time with them.
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  He's clearly sharing them with them about his
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  plans to go to Jerusalem.
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  And he's praying with them.
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  And he's listening to them as they speak
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  to him.
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  And clearly they're speaking in the Holy Spirit.
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  So we might think is Paul being disobedient
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  here?
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  Is Paul ignoring the counsel of the Holy
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  Spirit?
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  I don't think that's the right conclusion for
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  us because we see that he also is
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  being moved by his conviction about what he
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  believed God has led him to do.
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  I think what we see is that there's
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  an interplay here between the community and the
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  individual.
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  God has given something to Paul specifically.
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  It's ultimately Paul's decision whether he goes to
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  Jerusalem.
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  No one else can make that decision for
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  him.
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  And yet Paul's habit is to bring that
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  to community and let the community offer input.
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  And the community itself, even when it disagrees
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  with Paul, is also exercising the gifts of
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  the Holy Spirit.
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  We know that what is prophesied here by
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  Agabus comes true.
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  Paul is, in fact, arrested in Jerusalem.
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  And that leads to a whole long journey
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  in prison.
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  Eventually he comes to Rome.
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  That's kind of the rest of the book
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  of Acts is that story of how that
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  happens.
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  But there's this tension, right?
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  There's the voice of the community and the
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  voice of the individual.
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  And yet God's voice is there in both
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  ways.
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  So I think for us, when we think
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  about our career decisions, we shouldn't think of
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  ourselves as free agents.
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  We shouldn't think, oh, it's just up to
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  me.
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  I don't need to involve anybody else.
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  But we also shouldn't be passive and just
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  say, oh, we'll just put it up to
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  a vote and do whatever the community decides.
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  We have to own our own personal agency
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  while also welcoming the spiritual input of the
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  community.
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  That's the paradigm that we're given.
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  So how do we do that?
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  How do we do that practically speaking?
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  Okay, this is where I want to go
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  back to Parker Palmer.
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  Parker Palmer, as a Quaker, draws on a
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  Quaker tradition called holding a clearness committee.
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  And this is something that I heard about
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  through the same pastor who I mentioned, the
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  kind of the three circles of discerning your
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  calling, what the world needs, what I desire,
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  and economic engine.
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  That same pastor, Kevin Miller, he introduced me
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  to this idea of the clearness committee.
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  And so even though I'm not Quaker, I
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  have found it incredibly helpful.
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  And Katie and I have actually engaged this
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  practice of the clearness committee three different times
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  in our lives when we've had critical decisions
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  to make.
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  So first I want to share what Parker
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  Palmer says about it and then share about
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  kind of my own experience with it and
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  how maybe you could apply it in your
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  life.
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  So Parker Palmer explains that you gather some
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  trusted friends, people that you know are going
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  to be able to follow the kind of
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  guidelines for this kind of meeting well and
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  who have your best interests at heart.
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  And then you start with some silence.
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  And then he writes, the meeting begins when
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  the focus person breaks the silence and gives
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  a brief summary of the issue at hand.
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  Then the committee members may speak, but everything
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  they say is governed by one rule, a
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  simple rule, and yet one that most people
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  find difficult and demanding.
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  Members are forbidden to speak to the focus
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  person in any way except to ask honest,
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  open questions.
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  This means absolutely no advice and no amateur
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  psychoanalysis.
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  It means no, why don't you?
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  It means no, that happened to me one
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  time and here's what I did.
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  It means no, there's a book slash therapist
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  slash exercise slash diet that would really help
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  you a lot.
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  Nothing is allowed except real questions, honest and
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  open questions.
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  Okay, can you imagine this?
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  Can you imagine sitting with a group of
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  trusted friends and kind of unearthing here's the
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  decision that I'm trying to make?
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  And then they ask you questions.
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  They're not telling you what to do, but
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  they're helping kind of unearth what's going on
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  inside of you.
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  They're helping you get to that point of
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  what is that interior individual conviction that you
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  have?
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  How has the Holy Spirit communicated to you?
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  Parker Palmer talks about it as kind of
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  getting the stuff up from inside our souls
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  so that we can look at it and
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  consider it.
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  So some of these open ended questions might
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  be, well, what are you afraid of?
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  Or what is your desire?
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  What are you hoping for?
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  What are you anxious about?
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  These questions, they're open ended.
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  They're not an agenda driven, you have to
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  go one way or the other kind of
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  question.
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  And yet they help us pay attention to,
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  oh, this is what's going on in my
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  heart.
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  I found this to be so, so helpful.
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  So the first time that Katie and I
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  did a clearness committee, it was when we
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  were deciding to switch from one church, the
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  church where we had met and where I
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  had grown up to another church so that
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  I could pursue a college ministry role there.
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  Now, under the surface in that meeting, I
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  had a lot of anxiety about my current
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  role at the church I was in at
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  that time.
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  And guess what?
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  Even though we invited friends to ask questions,
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  I was not super honest about my anxiety.
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  And I regret that.
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  I regret not being honest about my anxiety,
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  because then when in the new role, the
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  college ministry role, the anxiety followed me there.
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  I was still super anxious in the new
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  role.
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  And I realized, oh, switching jobs isn't going
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  to solve my anxiety.
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  I need to actually work on that.
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  I started working on it with a therapist
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  that was super helpful.
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  God has ministered to me in a variety
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  of ways in my journey with anxiety and
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  depression since then.
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  I was kind of trying to use my
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  job change as a way to fix an
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  interior problem that really couldn't be fixed by
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  just changing jobs.
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  I needed to do some more interior work.
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  I wish I had been more forthcoming in
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  that clearness committee.
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  But it was our first one.
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  So, you know, some grace for our younger
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  selves.
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  Then when we were deciding to leave the
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  college ministry job and for me to go
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  take the job at the mortgage company or
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  to pursue some kind of secular job, it
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  ended up being my job at the mortgage
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  company.
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  We gathered the clearness committee again.
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  So this was about two years later.
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  That time I was really honest.
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  I was honest about what I was anxious
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  about.
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  I was honest about what I hoped for,
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  honest about what was going on in our
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  marriage.
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  I'm really grateful that I was so honest
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  and forthcoming because that allowed us to have
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  confidence that we were making the right decision.
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  Even though it was very strange.
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  It was not on my bingo card to
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  get a job at a mortgage company.
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  God ended up meeting me there in really
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  significant ways.
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  And then the third time we did a
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  clearness committee was when I was laid off
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  from the mortgage company.
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  For a hot minute, I thought maybe I
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  would go full time with Mission Central.
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  But actually, it was the clearness committee that
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  kind of put the brakes on that.
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  It was a chance for me to hear
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  from others.
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  Oh, yeah.
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  Like, obviously, I have a desire for Mission
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  Central, but also maybe it's not ready for
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  a full time effort.
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  Maybe Katie needs something else in this season.
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  And that's what ultimately led me to getting
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  a part time job at Northern Illinois Food
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  Bank and pursuing Mission Central also about half
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  time.
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  So I just share those examples, one, by
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  way of testimony and encouragement that a clearness
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  committee can really work.
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  But two, to also show it's not a
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  magic formula.
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  Right.
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  It also is still possible to do a
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  clearness committee and to make a bad decision
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  or to make a decision without being fully
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  honest with yourself.
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  Like I did kind of in that first
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  career transition.
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  And yet it can be so helpful and
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  so encouraging because it gives you a sense
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  of where the Holy Spirit is moving, not
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  just in you individually, but also in the
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  broader community.
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  So even if there's tension, even if there
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  is conflict like Paul experienced, you have that
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  sense of I've heard what the Holy Spirit
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  has to say.
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  I'm listening for the voice of God and
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  I'm moving forward with confidence.
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  So I just encourage you whenever you are
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  at a career junction or a significant life
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  decision junction to perhaps gather a clearness committee.
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  We'll include in the show notes a link
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  to this essay from Parker Palmer.
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  It's a very practical how to guide.
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  But even if you don't do it in
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  that specific format, I encourage you to welcome
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  the voice of the Holy Spirit through community
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  while still taking responsibility to make the final
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  decision yourself.
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  That combination of community discernment and personal agency
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  will help you land in the right place
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  and move forward with confidence.
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  Lord Jesus, thank you that you speak to
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  us individually and in your church, in your
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  people, in your community.
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  Give us the humility we need to seek
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  your will in that whole dynamic tension.
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  Even when it's messy, even when it's not
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  clear, help us to seek the clarity that
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  you can provide.
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  Jesus, do your work in us as we
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  do our work with you.
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  Thanks for listening.
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  Finding God at Work is a production of
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  Mission Central, a ministry based in Aurora, Illinois,
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  dedicated to forming Christians for mission in everyday
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  life.
• 15:40
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• 15:42
  listen to this episode to get 10 minutes
• 15:44
  of teaching on faith and work every Tuesday
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  and Thursday.
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  To get resources to go deeper with each
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  podcast series, read our blog, and get info
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  about upcoming courses on faith in the workplace,
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  go to our website, missioncentral.church.