Latest / Daily Influence / 576. Building Your Village: Finding Joy, Connection, and Purpose with Florence Ann Romano

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576. Building Your Village: Finding Joy, Connection, and Purpose with Florence Ann Romano · Daily Influence

• 0:10
  [SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to the daily influence where our mission is to deliver a daily dose of positive influence that can uplift you personally or be shared within your sphere of influence.
• 0:20
  [SPEAKER_00]: While not every episode may directly apply to your unique circumstances, we strive to provide insights and inspiration relevant to most people's daily, weekly, and monthly lives.
• 0:30
  [SPEAKER_00]: Whether you are tuning in during the morning, noon or night, the daily influence is here for you.
• 0:36
  [SPEAKER_00]: Listen, share, and embrace the power of influence in your life.
• 0:40
  [SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to Daily Influence, I'm Greculino.
• 0:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: Today, I'm thrilled to welcome Florence and Romano, a nationally recognized keynote speaker, media personality, and the celebrated author of Build Your Village, a guide to finding joy and community in every stage of life.
• 0:59
  [SPEAKER_02]: Florence and his dedicated her life's work to helping people build authentic support systems and meaningful relationships.
• 1:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: Whether she's on national TV, speaking to audiences, or writing about the power of human connection, Florence Anne's message is simple and powerful, or not meant to do life alone.
• 1:19
  [SPEAKER_02]: Today, she'll share how we can all become better villagers and find the joy and purpose that comes with intentional community.
• 1:28
  [SPEAKER_02]: Florence and welcome to daily influence.
• 1:30
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm so thrilled to be here.
• 1:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for having me.
• 1:33
  [SPEAKER_01]: What a kind introduction.
• 1:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: I'm so excited to have you.
• 1:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: Can you share a bit about your background and what led you to where you are today and write, build your village and pursue your mission of helping others foster meaningful community?
• 1:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: I started as a nanny many years ago, which is so funny, but I loved it.
• 1:51
  [SPEAKER_01]: It was the time of my life.
• 1:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: And what was really interesting about that time is a nanny.
• 1:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: I was inside people's homes and that's a very sacred place and you see a lot of things you hear a lot of things.
• 2:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: But what I was always very curious about was dynamics of people and personalities and how all of those things fit and as time went on and my life moved into different capacities and I retired from being a nanny.
• 2:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: I always use the phrase for Mary Poppins.
• 2:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: I stayed until the wind changed and the wind changes for a lot of different reasons.
• 2:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: But after that, I was looking at the landscape of our culture.
• 2:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: And when COVID hit, we all knew on a global level, what it felt like to lose our support systems.
• 2:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I mean, how often do you do that in life, where you can say on a global level, we all have this common denominator.
• 2:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I would be in those chat rooms, and I would see the memes on social media, and all those different things of people saying, well, where is this village?
• 2:53
  [SPEAKER_01]: Is there a film number to call, or is there a road map, or these people just show up at your front door, ready to help you?
• 3:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I said, oh, you know, that's so funny, but there's truth in every joke.
• 3:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I said, well, maybe it's time to actually write that book and write that roadmap.
• 3:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so it was during COVID that I wrote Build Your Village and I created six archetypes of villagers that you identify with.
• 3:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm an unovisual learner.
• 3:19
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think a lot of people are.
• 3:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I wanted the archetypes
• 3:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: Who of these six people do I have in my life right now?
• 3:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: And who am I of these six people to others because this is a reciprocal process?
• 3:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: So that led me to talking more and more about the friendship recession, the loneliness epidemic in our country, the mental health crisis, it's all very connected.
• 3:45
  [SPEAKER_01]: And at the root of it, it's all about connection.
• 3:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: You're book talks about the six types of the villagers needed to for a fully functioning support system right how is identifying those roles influence the way you show up in your own relationships and community.
• 4:02
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's funny because someone, not someone, a lot of people ask me often, you know, well, who are you of these, you know, six people?
• 4:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I like to think that I'm all six of them at some time at some point to certain people, but just like in life, I don't think that I'm supposed to be everything to every one.
• 4:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's a message I have for everyone out there, too, that I'm not asking you to look at these archetypes and things to yourself.
• 4:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
• 4:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: If I'm not embodying all the characteristics of all six of these people, then I'm not a fully formed person, then I'm not serving, then I'm not a good friend, I'm not a good daughter, I'm failing in my roles.
• 4:40
  [SPEAKER_01]: So for me, I like to look at the friendship that I have and how do I serve that person to the best of my ability using my skill sets and based on their needs and what's that compliment.
• 4:54
  [SPEAKER_01]: So that's kind of how I do that vetting process.
• 4:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: on a per person basis.
• 4:59
  [SPEAKER_01]: But as we're talking about the broad aspect of the archetypes, it's looking at these people and saying to yourself, okay, right now I'm feeling disconnected.
• 5:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm feeling like I'm not part of something or I don't have the support that I wish I had.
• 5:17
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that's a very nebulous idea for a lot of people.
• 5:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it can be very overwhelming to admit that.
• 5:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: So what I want is people to say, all right, here are the people that you're going to start measuring this against.
• 5:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: And you're going to start to hopefully see the gaps that exist there, or maybe the friendships that you do have that are not fulfilling you, maybe these people are sitting in the wrong seats.
• 5:41
  [SPEAKER_01]: or maybe need to fire some people from your village.
• 5:44
  [SPEAKER_01]: But this process of evaluation can be very uncomfortable because I'm asking people to be very vulnerable about the other f-word and that's feelings.
• 5:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you spoke and often about the given take of being a villager.
• 6:01
  [SPEAKER_02]: Can you share a moment where you knew your presence made a positive difference in someone's life and what it taught you about responsible influence?
• 6:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, I'll go back to my childhood.
• 6:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm an old school Italian family and my grandparents lived with us growing up multi-generational home.
• 6:20
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm named after my grandmother.
• 6:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: That's why my name is so old fashioned, which is coming back.
• 6:24
  [SPEAKER_01]: By the way, I see a lot of people naming their kids, you know, Florence now, but because my grandparents lived with us.
• 6:31
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, those lessons that we learned about respecting, you know, the elderly and compassion and patients, those things were very important, but I'll tell you one very touching moment I had with my nana and, you know, growing up she was my other mother, she was there for everything to carry me in every way and toward the end of her life.
• 6:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: Um, I was taking care of her in a way that she used to take care of me and there was, you know, I was changing her her undergarments one day and she said to me it's not supposed to be like this Florence Anne and I said, no it is.
• 7:09
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's the circle of life you took care of me and I get to take care of you.
• 7:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: And that moment stuck in my brain, and I think that was one of the first moments years before I wrote my book that stood out to me as what does living a life and service of others look like, and that doesn't mean ignoring yourself and your needs, but this concept of connection that we're talking about, it often needs to be reciprocal, and those lessons I learned really came from my upbringing.
• 7:42
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for sharing that story.
• 7:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: In today's hyper connected, yet lonely world, many people feel isolated.
• 7:50
  [SPEAKER_02]: One advice would you give someone who's struggling to find or rebuild their village?
• 7:56
  [SPEAKER_01]: My secret, my go-to secret always is philanthropy.
• 8:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: When you feel like you are stuck when you feel like all of the attention is on you and you're in your feelings and you're in your head, get out there and serve others, get out there and do for others.
• 8:13
  [SPEAKER_01]: And the reason to do that, obviously, is very layered, but I like to concentrate on one specific piece of it.
• 8:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you're feeling disconnected, you're going to put yourself in an environment.
• 8:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: where people are like-minded.
• 8:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: You have similar values.
• 8:28
  [SPEAKER_01]: It's not going to feel like such a heavy lift or you'll feel so intimidated.
• 8:32
  [SPEAKER_01]: Like you'd have to go tap someone on the shoulder and say, hey, you want to be my friend, that's, you know, it's going to happen more naturally than that.
• 8:39
  [SPEAKER_01]: And hopefully you can do two things.
• 8:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: And
• 8:42
  [SPEAKER_01]: Two birds with one stone, you know, do something to help others and also find connection and form friendships.
• 8:48
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's great advice.
• 8:49
  [SPEAKER_02]: What do you think is the biggest myth people believe about friendship or community?
• 8:54
  [SPEAKER_02]: And how do you help shift that mindset through your work?
• 8:58
  [SPEAKER_01]: I think keeping score is a big reason people don't ask for help.
• 9:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I see this so often with moms.
• 9:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: So they think that, oh, man, you know, if I ask my neighbor to pick the kids up from Carpool today, I'm gonna, oh, I'm gonna be indebted to her.
• 9:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: And I don't know when I'm gonna be able to pay that back.
• 9:16
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so I'm not gonna ask cause I don't wanna look like I'm taking advantage or, you know, I'm a flaky friend.
• 9:22
  [SPEAKER_01]: So I think that in friendship we often times are measuring ourselves against.
• 9:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: what we think is right, what we see on social media, what the lies in our head tell us, the guilt that we feel, the fear that we feel.
• 9:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: So if I could demystify any of that for anyone, it would be that we are meant for people and we are meant for connection and asking for help is a very necessary thing for you to do.
• 9:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's survival for a lot of us, but we don't,
• 9:56
  [SPEAKER_02]: We don't do it because we're so afraid of the debt and he tricks to help us overcome that
• 10:04
  [SPEAKER_01]: Be the first one to do it.
• 10:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: I always say that, you know, it takes you wanting it.
• 10:10
  [SPEAKER_01]: It takes you getting to that point of, I want something to change.
• 10:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: And maybe start with something small.
• 10:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: And it's, you know, a day where you know you're completely overwhelmed or maybe you're a postpartum.
• 10:23
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're with a new baby and you could do it.
• 10:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: If you needed to, you can get to that carpool.
• 10:27
  [SPEAKER_01]: But you know your neighbor across the street.
• 10:29
  [SPEAKER_01]: their kids are in the same soccer camp as yours and they're going to be going that way anyway well maybe today is the day you're going to reach out and you're going to say could you just grab them for me and and and that be enough for you that day and and know that you're again worthy of it and it's
• 10:46
  [SPEAKER_01]: It might feel very difficult to do it, but you have to make a choice.
• 10:52
  [SPEAKER_01]: You have to do that in order to have on the other side of it some sort of change, because what we're looking for is change.
• 11:00
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're looking for support.
• 11:01
  [SPEAKER_01]: You're only gonna get it if you ask for it.
• 11:04
  [SPEAKER_02]: That's great advice.
• 11:05
  [SPEAKER_02]: Florence, what message or words have been courage?
• 11:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: Would you like to share with our listeners who aspire to make a positive difference in the world starting with the relationships around them?
• 11:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: One of my favorite sayings is people for will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but they'll never forget how you made them feel my angel.
• 11:25
  [SPEAKER_01]: And so if I had a life philosophy that would be it and I think that idea of feeling, how do you make people feel.
• 11:34
  [SPEAKER_01]: Uh, that's something that doesn't cost money, that's something that you can start today.
• 11:38
  [SPEAKER_01]: We all read these self-help books where people are like, okay, you know, do these 72 things and maybe an 84 days you're going to start to feel a difference.
• 11:47
  [SPEAKER_01]: Well, no, I'm telling you today today to send out that text message, to ask how someone's feeling, to ask to get together, to ask for that help.
• 11:57
  [SPEAKER_01]: And showing up for people in your life, that's a big piece of it for me is how do you show up?
• 12:03
  [SPEAKER_01]: And again, it doesn't have to cost money.
• 12:05
  [SPEAKER_01]: It just is you.
• 12:06
  [SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's great advice.
• 12:08
  [SPEAKER_02]: If our listeners want to get in touch with you, what is the best way to do so?
• 12:12
  [SPEAKER_01]: I'm on social media, Florence and Romano.
• 12:14
  [SPEAKER_01]: I answer every DM.
• 12:15
  [SPEAKER_01]: So please do not hesitate to get in contact with me.
• 12:18
  [SPEAKER_01]: Think of me as your virtual village or my website, Florenceand.com.
• 12:21
  [SPEAKER_01]: You can learn more about me and also order my book,
• 12:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: Great, Florence.
• 12:25
  [SPEAKER_02]: And we'll put that information in the show notes.
• 12:27
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you so much for joining us and sharing your story and advice.
• 12:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: Thank you, my friend.
• 12:32
  [SPEAKER_02]: Appreciate it.
• 12:34
  [SPEAKER_02]: And to our listeners, thank you for joining us today.
• 12:36
  [SPEAKER_02]: Florence, they have reminded us that community isn't something we stumble into.
• 12:41
  [SPEAKER_02]: It's something we build intentionally.
• 12:44
  [SPEAKER_02]: By knowing who we are, how we show up, and who we allow into our lives, we each have the power to shape a village,
• 12:55
  [SPEAKER_02]: No matter where you are on your journey, you deserve to be seen, heard, and supported.
• 13:00
  [SPEAKER_02]: You have the capacity to offer the same in return.
• 13:03
  [SPEAKER_02]: I hope today's conversation brought you inside an inspiration.
• 13:06
  [SPEAKER_02]: If it's spoke to you, share with someone who could use a little positivity today.
• 13:10
  [SPEAKER_02]: Until next time, keep choosing positive, responsible influence.
• 13:15
  [SPEAKER_02]: Bye-bye.