Latest / Aging ain't for Sissies / Aging Without Apologies And With Better Boundaries

Transcript

Aging Without Apologies And With Better Boundaries · Aging ain't for Sissies

• 0:06
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, hello.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_01: My name is Marcy.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: This is AGNE for Sissies, and I am your host.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_01: Yep, that's me.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_01: And today we're talking about something that I think may be one of the greatest gifts of getting older.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_01: There are a lot of gifts we've talked about over the past years about getting older, but I think this is one of the best.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_01: The wonderful, liberating, occasionally shocking discovery that there are things we used to care about deeply and we simply don't care about anymore.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_01: I want to say we just don't give a shit anymore about them.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_01: And I, and there are a lot.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I will share mine.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_01: You have you will have your own.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_01: You may relate to what I'm talking about, but it really is a gift.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't mean we've become cold, indifferent people, not at all.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_01: I mean we finally figured out that not everything deserves our attention, our energy, or our perfectly good afternoon.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_01: There was a time when somebody not liking me could ruin my entire day.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: Now, well, that's unfortunate for them.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm kidding mostly.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_01: But yeah, whatever.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not everybody's cup of tea.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_01: But seriously, there are things I spent years worrying about that I wouldn't give five minutes of my time today.
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to talk about those things because I think there's a difference between giving up and growing wiser.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_01: But first, let's catch up with me and what's going on.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I just spent three wonderful days in Connecticut in a little town called Madison, Connecticut.
• 1:44
  SPEAKER_01: I was at a retreat for my church.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't really a retreat.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_01: It wasn't, it wasn't.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_01: It was a learning opportunity about fundraising in religious settings.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: And um, most of you know I have been volunteering my time at St.
• 2:00
  SPEAKER_01: James Cathedral in the stewardship area.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: And it was something that my dean Lisa, who I just was with for three days, had asked me to do several years ago.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_01: And it was something I didn't really have knowledge about, but I did know how to put programming together.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_01: I do know how to put a good program together.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_01: I figured it all out.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_01: But I spent three days in this lovely retreat center right on the ocean, right on the Atlantic.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_01: Um, beautiful, beautiful fall colors.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_01: And so, shockingly enough, after my traumatic last six to eight weeks, I was energized, relaxed, all at the same time.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_01: The program was very well done.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't have any knowledge going in, so it was great for me.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_01: And it was well done for me because with my ADD, I cannot pay attention to much, you know.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_01: And to sit for basically eight hours on was that Wednesday, yeah, yeah, that was a lot.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_01: But I was able to do it because they presented the information in a way that worked for me, and that isn't always the case, as we all know, in learning situations.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_01: So, um, and I skipped the Wednesday night activity.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_01: Um, it was to go to Yale and go to I I just, you know, this is part of aging.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: There would have been a time that I couldn't have said no to going to the evening activity.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_01: Uh I was tired.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_01: I've been through a lot in the last eight weeks.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_01: I traveled on Tuesday, my first traveling, my first going through security with my new implanted device, and it went fine.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but it was a lot of stress.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm I'm I used to not be able to admit that things were stressful to me because I had to be perfect and good at everything.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: So, kind of like what we're talking about now is I can say I'm scared, I can ask for help with my suitcase.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_01: I can I can do things that I didn't used to be able to do.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_01: And it's not because I can't, I could, but it's better if someone else helps me with my suitcase in certain instances.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_01: And um and even there, see, I had to tell you I could do it.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_01: Like that's, you know, those are some of the things I'm still learning to let go of.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_01: But it was a wonderful, wonderful weekend.
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_01: Talked to so many people, met different people from all over the country, young people, people my age.
• 4:36
  SPEAKER_01: I think I was the oldest person at this retreat, which was kind of a new place for me.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_01: That was a new, that was a new space to take up.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: I I looked around and I honestly think, I think there were people close to my age, but I do think I was the oldest person there.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_01: And and that, like I say, that was an interesting space to take up.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: Didn't bother me.
• 5:02
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I don't feel like I look my age.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_01: I don't feel like I act my age.
• 5:05
  SPEAKER_01: I know I don't act my age.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_01: So, but it was again a place in my brain that I had to take up.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: Um what else?
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, this was interesting.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm recording this on Friday morning, and I always drop my podcasts on Friday, so you'll get this right after.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_01: Um right after I record it.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_01: But I flew United, which I haven't flown in probably 15 years.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_01: Craig and I are strictly American when possible.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_01: This was just an impossibility to fly on American.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_01: The timings didn't work out to the small, little wonderful airport.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_01: Shout out to the Hartford Airport.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's modern, it's beautiful.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_01: They've done a great job updating that airport there in Connecticut.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_01: But uh we flew um United, which means I have no privileges, which, you know, is not easy for me.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: But I did it.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_01: I was fine, sitting in the back with my colleague Rob.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_01: Um Lisa was back there with us also.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_01: But the flight attendant, the head flight attendant, was doing um the beverage service.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_01: And when the cart parked next to me, he was on my side.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I watched him ask people for drinks, and I thought he was asking, he was in our row asking about drinks, and I said, I'll have water with ice, please.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: And he looked me dead in the eye and he said, I'm not talking to you.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: I was talking to the gentleman next to you.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: I said, I didn't say anything, I just looked at him.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_01: He asked the gentleman again next to me what he wanted, and then he looked at me again and said, So that was water with ice, right?
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, Yes.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I took it and I didn't say another word.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: But as always, this morning, when I was getting ready to do this, I was bumping through my emails and there was a survey from United.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_01: So I answered the questions that were good.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: I obviously gave good reviews where it was good, but when I got to the service on the plane, did they greet you?
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_01: Yes.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_01: How was your meal service or your drink service?
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: And I was able to write what I thought.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: And I did say that I haven't flown United.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_01: I used to fly United, don't fly it anymore.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: Um, didn't have a choice this time.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_01: But um next Friday I'll be flying American and I will never fly United again unless I have to, unless I'm forced to fly United because of circumstances or timings or something like that.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_01: Um, I fly out of Chicago, so rarely is there not a flight that works, but we are flying into a small airport.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_01: But you know, I don't know.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_01: I was quiet on the flight.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: I never said anything to anybody.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_01: I got in my seat.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_01: I sat there, I had, I put my noise when he came down to ask for drinks.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: I took my headphones off respectfully so that I could hear.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know what his problem was, but boy, oh boy, I will never fly united again.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: And uh it was really kind of shocking.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: And then I was talking with Lisa, and um, she had mentioned that there's some sort of feelings about older white women these days, and I thought, hmm, I didn't even know that.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: But I could see that he he definitely had a feeling about me, and I makes me sad because I'm a really nice person.
• 8:38
  SPEAKER_01: I'm always kind, I'm always friendly, especially to those that are helping me.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_01: So that wasn't a shocking turn of events for me on the way home, but whatever.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_01: I I left my review, so I got the last word.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_01: So there you have it.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_01: I'm sure United will write me back.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_01: We'll see.
• 8:55
  SPEAKER_01: I'll to be continued.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: So today, again, we're talking about this glorious piece of aging, which things I thought I'd care about forever, and I just don't anymore.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: I'm curious to see what you have in here.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_01: So remember when you cared about what everybody thought, not just your family and your friends, everybody, your neighbor, the woman at the grocery store, the person you met at a party, the flight attendant on the plane, the person who made a face when you said something.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_01: You can spend an entire evening replaying a conversation.
• 9:33
  SPEAKER_01: Did I say something wrong?
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_01: Was that was that a strange look that she gave me?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_01: Do you think she likes me?
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: And the funny thing is, the other person probably went home and forgot the entire conversation.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_01: Meanwhile, you're conducting a full investigation in your head.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_01: I know you've done it.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_01: I've done it.
• 9:53
  SPEAKER_01: I kind of did it last night, and then I let it go until I talked about it this morning.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_01: I honestly, or actually until I got that survey, I really hadn't thought about him this morning the way I would have when I was younger.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_01: I've reached a point where I understand something, and I wished I'd learned this years ago.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_01: Not everybody's gonna like me, and that's okay.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't like everybody either.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: That doesn't mean I have to be rude or unkind, which I am not.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: It just means I don't need universal approval.
• 10:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not running for office, I'm living my life.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_01: And just like that story I told you, and again, until I got the survey and then I was starting this podcast, I thought, oh, that's a perfect story to share.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_01: I really hadn't thought about him this morning.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I know before I would have.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_01: I would have replayed it, I would have thought what I could have said back.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_01: I and react retaliating with words was not even a thought to me.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_01: I just put my head down, got my water, put my headphones back on, and finished the flight.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_01: So there's that.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_01: And there was a little bit of drama at the end of that flight because people we the notorious driving on the runway at Chicago O'Hare took like 40 minutes.
• 11:13
  SPEAKER_01: People were missing flights.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: It was it was a whole thing.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: And and again, that's a lovely place to be where I just didn't care.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_01: I didn't have to be anywhere.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: So I just sat and let everybody do their jostling and fighting to get off the plane.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_01: Here's another thing.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: Remember when somebody coming over meant the house had to look as though nobody actually lived there?
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_01: The pillows had to be arranged, the counters had to be spotless, everything had to be put away.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: You spent three hours cleaning for people who were coming over for 90 minutes.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_01: And then, of course, you'd say, Oh, excuse the mess.
• 11:49
  SPEAKER_01: What mess?
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: You could perform surgery on that kitchen counter.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: I remember those days.
• 11:57
  SPEAKER_01: Now, I do still care about what people, but I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna, I do care what people think when they come over.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_01: Let me finish that thought.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm not gonna say my house is a mess.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 12:08
  SPEAKER_01: Because I love a nice home and I enjoy things looking lovely, but I no longer believe that people who come to visit are conducting a secret inspection.
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_01: That is a fact.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_01: And somebody notices a little dust, they are welcome to make themselves useful.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: I'll give them a cloth, you know?
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_01: And there's something else I've discovered that having fewer things can actually make life feel bigger.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, I have preached on this and preached on this and preached on this.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_01: Living small is one of the best things I've done.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes the things we work so hard to maintain are the very things that take up all our time.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_01: I want to say that again.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes the things we work so hard to maintain are the very things taking up all our time.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_01: And you may love that.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_01: You may have a huge house, and keeping it all together makes you happy.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_01: I thought it made me happy until I downsized into this lovely little jewel box that I have here.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, keeping up with everybody else.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my God.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_01: Let's discuss comparison because when we were younger, it was so easy to look around and think everybody else had life figured out.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_01: Do you remember those days?
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_01: Do you?
• 13:19
  SPEAKER_01: I do.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_01: They have the perfect house, the perfect vacation, the perfect clothes, the perfect family photographs, and you're sitting there wondering why your life doesn't look like that.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_01: And that was even before my kids, there was none of this social media.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_01: This was just looking at my friends and talking to them.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: I wasn't looking at their vacations on Instagram.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_01: There was no Instagram.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: So I can't only imagine what young people go through now.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, this we went through it when there was no, I think we had Facebook.
• 13:50
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, we could see things on Facebook.
• 13:54
  SPEAKER_01: Um, but you know, it wasn't what it is now.
• 13:58
  SPEAKER_01: But you'd look around.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_01: But I do have news about that.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_01: Nobody's life looks like their family photographs all the time.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_01: Somebody was probably arguing five minutes before that picture was taken.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_01: Somebody didn't want to be there, and somebody is wearing shoes that hurt.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: I've learned that the things that make me happy aren't necessarily the things that make somebody else happy.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_01: And that's fine.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_01: I don't need to keep up, I don't need to compete, and I don't need to explain why my choices make sense to me.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_00: I really don't.
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_01: I do have moments where, you know, living in a one-bedroom condo feels a little like I should have more.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_01: But they're fleeting thoughts.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_01: They're not like before that I would obsess on them.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_01: I'm happy to invite people over to my condo.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: I love my condo.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_01: It's beautiful.
• 14:51
  SPEAKER_01: It's curated exactly the way Craig and I love it.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: It has all the things we love in it.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: It is it is my it is my happy place.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'm looking out the window right now, thinking, I am so blessed to have this gorgeous city view.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: There's gorgeous clouds over the lake this morning with the sun peeking through.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_01: There was a time when being busy seemed like a badge of honor.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: This is true as well.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: How are you?
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, so busy.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_01: As though the more exhausted you were, the more successful your life must be.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_01: Now, don't get me wrong, I love having things to do.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_01: I've got three podcasts, obviously.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_01: I travel, people I care about, and plenty of ideas of things to do.
• 15:39
  SPEAKER_01: But I've also discovered I don't need to feel every minute, fill every minute.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_01: An empty afternoon is not a personal failure.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: It's a gift.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_01: My my two o'clock nap is a real thing.
• 15:50
  SPEAKER_01: Patrick expects it.
• 15:51
  SPEAKER_01: My cat, he expects that two o'clock afternoon.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: He comes around the corner and looks at the couch.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_01: And if I'm not, if I'm sitting on it doing something, he's like, okay, lay down.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_01: It's time.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_01: I and I don't care anymore.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have to be the consummate volunteer and working hard and all those things.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_01: I've discovered that I don't need to fill every minute.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_01: I really don't.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_01: I can read a book, I can take a walk, I can have lunch with a friend, or I can sit down with a diet coke and do absolutely nothing productive all day long.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_01: And guess what?
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_01: The world keeps turning.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: I will say, Craig always asks me what I'm doing today, like I'm gonna have some big plan.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Usually it's go to the gym and come home.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_01: But I know he's trying to be more interested in my life because that's a conversation we've had.
• 16:41
  SPEAKER_01: So I tell him, well, today I'm going to the gym, I'm coming home.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_01: Nothing particular.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_01: Today is Friday.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_01: It's always cleaning day, and it's usually laundry day, but they will not fix my washing machine that leaked until tomorrow.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_01: Can you believe this is a side note, side note, side note.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_01: So we noticed our wood floors were starting to warp, couldn't figure out why, couldn't see a leak in the washing machine.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_01: I called them, there was a leak on the inside, right?
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_01: An inside um hose, plastic hose.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, this is ABT, the biggest appliance place in all of Chicago, all of Chicago land, the outer suburbs as well.
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_01: Great great repair, guys, very kind.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_01: But do you think they had a hose on their truck?
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_01: No, we need to order that.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_01: We'll go look on the truck, but we'll probably have to order it.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: They had to order it.
• 17:37
  SPEAKER_01: A hose.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_01: That was a little shocking to me.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: But whatever.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_01: They ordered it, it's in, and they're coming tomorrow.
• 17:46
  SPEAKER_01: But this is another thing.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_01: They don't tell you ahead of time your window anymore.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_01: We will let you know Saturday morning.
• 17:53
  SPEAKER_01: And you get a text that morning.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_01: So, like last Friday when they came or Thursday a week ago.
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: I got a text that morning.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_01: We'll be there between 4 and 7 p.m.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: They came 4:45.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_01: It was all fine, but we thought the window was bad back in the day, but now not getting your window until the day of is even worse.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm retired, so I don't really care.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_01: But I I always think about the working people.
• 18:24
  SPEAKER_01: So being busy to be busy is not a thing anymore for me.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_01: Don't care, don't care, don't care.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_01: And my advice to anybody that's retiring you don't have to be busy all the time and be happy with it.
• 18:37
  SPEAKER_01: Read your book.
• 18:38
  SPEAKER_01: This is we worked our whole freaking lives.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_01: Retirement should not be filled to the brim.
• 18:46
  SPEAKER_01: All right, here's another one.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_01: Now, this one I may still have in progress.
• 18:52
  SPEAKER_01: Have you ever gotten into an argument and realized halfway through that neither person is going to change their mind?
• 18:57
  SPEAKER_01: But you keep going because surely if you just explain yourself one more time, they'll finally understand.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_01: It may be your spouse, it may be a sibling, it may be anyone, it may be just some one of your casual friends.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_01: Nope, they're not going to change their mind.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_01: And now you've wasted an hour and you're irritated.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_01: I've learned, and I am trying to work on this, especially with Craig.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_01: He's not going to change.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_01: He is who he is.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm just trying to find my happiness at this part of life and not worry about he is who he is.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_01: He is what he is.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_01: And neither one of us are going anywhere.
• 19:34
  SPEAKER_01: So I've learned not every disagreement requires a closing argument.
• 19:38
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes you can say, well, we see that differently, or we're agree to disagree and move on.
• 19:44
  SPEAKER_01: Imagine that.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_01: An argument that doesn't require a winner.
• 19:47
  SPEAKER_01: I know, revolutionary, right?
• 19:49
  SPEAKER_01: But it's true.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_01: And as I say, that's a work in progress.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's one more time for a part of the show that sometime I have.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not doing this anymore.
• 20:00
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not apologizing for having preferences.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_01: I was thinking about it.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: And um, when we were getting ready for this trip, again, the cathedral graciously paid for my plane fare.
• 20:13
  SPEAKER_01: But I'm I'm I'm a spoiled brat when it comes to traveling because I've traveled so much, I have perks.
• 20:21
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm not gonna apologize for that.
• 20:23
  SPEAKER_01: I did fine, I did all what I needed to do.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_01: But let me tell you, when I printed my boarding pass, it did not have TSA pre-check.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I did everything to fix that because I am not, I don't even know.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_01: I'm gonna be honest and go ahead and just have your feelings because you can have them.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: I haven't been through TSA regular since the day I got pre-check, which is I don't know, 15, 20 years.
• 20:47
  SPEAKER_01: I don't even know how to go through the regular TSA.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: I wouldn't know.
• 20:50
  SPEAKER_01: Do you take your shoes off?
• 20:52
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I I don't know.
• 20:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't care to know.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: And you know what?
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not gonna apologize for that.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: I am who I am.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_01: I'm a passenger princess on a plane.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_01: I have my perks and I love them.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_01: I've worked hard for them and I enjoy them, and I'm not apologizing for that.
• 21:11
  SPEAKER_01: So, what I care about more now.
• 21:15
  SPEAKER_01: All right, so because we have things we don't care about and we care less about, that opens up a whole new possibilities.
• 21:26
  SPEAKER_01: Because as some things become less important, other things become more important.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_01: I care about my relationships very much, my friendships.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: I focus on what my friends are doing.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_01: I try to remember the trips they're going on, their doctor's appointments.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: I have a wonderful group of friends, and it's important for me to remember what's going on in their lives.
• 21:47
  SPEAKER_01: There was a time that that would not have happened.
• 21:50
  SPEAKER_01: And so, this, because I had so much going on in my own life, it was hard enough.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_01: And I do have a lot going on, but my friends are important to me.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_01: If you're listening to this and you're one of my friends, you're important.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I do try very hard to remember what's going on in your life and check in with you because of the things I don't care about anymore.
• 22:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's open that up.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_01: I care about my health.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: I care more about laughing than being angry.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_01: I care about learning new things, I care about doing things that make me happy.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I care about spending my time in ways that feel meaningful.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_01: Do you hear that word?
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_01: Meaningful.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_01: The older I get, the more I realize that time is precious.
• 22:36
  SPEAKER_01: And trust me, after the last eight weeks and dying ones, it is precious.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_01: And I don't want to spend it worrying about whether somebody approves of my shoes, unless they're really fabulous shoes.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: And then you should I would like them to notice my fabulous shoes.
• 22:55
  SPEAKER_01: It's funny because at this retreat I wore my most fabulous wrap.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: It is black, it is white, it is off the charts fabulous, and not one person said a thing about it.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_01: It did hurt my feelings a little.
• 23:10
  SPEAKER_01: But who cares?
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_01: Moving on.
• 23:13
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_01: What's something you thought you cared about forever and don't anymore?
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_01: I would love to hear your answers.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: You always know you can get me at MarcybackusMedia.com.
• 23:23
  SPEAKER_01: All right.
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_01: I want to thank you for enjoying my lovely Aging Eat for Sissy's podcast.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_01: I'm grateful for all of you listeners.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: And if you enjoy these conversations, remember I have Inside Marcy's Mind where I am a little more wack-a-doodly with what I talk about.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_01: Um this week's episode, I'll be talking about some fun stuff, but I'll definitely be talking about the blue wave and maybe being able to exhale inside Marcy's mind where I can get is where I keep.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: If I ever talk political, that's where I do.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: I won't ever do it here.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I also have my sobriety podcast.
• 23:58
  SPEAKER_01: And you know, my sobriety podcast, you can change the word sobriety to shopping addiction or scrolling addiction.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_01: You can use the same tools that I share on that podcast for maybe something that you, your MM addiction, whatever it might be.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_01: So until next time, keep laughing, keep living, and remembering AD84.