Latest / The Good Girl Rebellion / 006 The Rebellion: Why Confidence Comes After Action, Feel the Fear + Do It Anyway

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006 The Rebellion: Why Confidence Comes After Action, Feel the Fear + Do It Anyway · The Good Girl Rebellion

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: This is something that I feel like we get so confused.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence comes after action, not before it.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: You're not going to know that you're capable of doing the things and feel able and capable to do the things you want to do until you do them, until you have proof to know that you've actually done that, you've shown up, you've done the big scary thing that you didn't think your past self could ever do, and nothing happened, nothing went wrong, and you did it.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: So you know that next time it comes around, next time you're faced with another hurdle, you know you can jump it because you've already jumped it before.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we spend so long waiting on the sidelines to feel ready, to take control of our lives, to end the relationship, to move countries, to become the best version of ourself because we don't feel confident enough to be it.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: But the only way we're gonna know is if we actually act like the person who already has it and we act like the person who is confident enough.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because then we end up in this loop of we don't feel confident enough, so we don't act, so nothing changes, so we remain unconfident.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: But what if confidence isn't something you need before you take action?
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_00: What if confidence is actually the result of it, not something you get before, but something you get after?
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: Which is what we're gonna talk about in this episode.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Why the big scary thing is gonna remain the big scary thing until you take the leap to actually know that you are the person who is capable of handling it.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're ready to reclaim your power, reconnect with your wildest self and rise as the woman you were never taught to be, you are in the right place.
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the rebellion.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: We often also mistake acting confident as fake it until you make it.
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, while in some aspects fake it till you make it can be great, when you are trying to build confidence within yourself, yes, you're gonna be afraid, yes, you're gonna be scared, yes, you're gonna be overwhelmed with showing up, and you're not gonna feel 100% confident.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: But there is a difference between faking it till you make it and having the belief that you are going to figure it out, whatever happens.
• 2:23
  SPEAKER_00: So fake it till you make it is a very fake, inauthentic energy, and people can feel that, people can pick up on it.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: If you turn up somewhere and you are really trying to be confident and you're trying to be something you're not, and you're really trying to fit in, people can feel it, and it almost acts as like an energy repellent rather than allowing you to know that you can take up space and you are supposed to be here and you do have the ability to face anything that comes your way.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas if you can genuinely trust yourself, even though you're scared, you genuinely trust and know that you're gonna give it your all, whatever happens, however, it's supposed to happen, it will happen.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: And when you can genuinely trust yourself, even though you're scared, you embody a different energy.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: You're not pretending to be something you're not.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: You are trusting your abilities.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's very internal, you're very grounded in who you are, what you're capable of, and what it is you know that you can achieve.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're in this energy of showing up and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and just doing what you know scares you, but knowing that you can do it regardless of what happens, you aren't judging your success on an outcome.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: You are judging your success on how well you handled the situation.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: For example, you might be moving to a whole new town and you could walk around and pretend that you're confident and fake it till you make it and try and meet people and try and fit in and try and build these connections based on a version of yourself that's not you, which then in the long run will feel inauthentic and actually won't get you the soulful connections that you desire.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: Or you could go out and know that you're just gonna show up as you feel each and every day, and you trust yourself and your abilities to make friends and build a community and get what you need to get done, then the people you're gonna attract into your life are gonna be much more authentic, much more aligned with who you are, and are much more likely to be soulful connections that actually resonate with you as a person.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Because you can say all the affirmations you want to fake it till you make it, but if your behavior doesn't back up how you actually feel and those affirmations, then you're not gonna believe them and you're not gonna show up like them.
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because confidence isn't convincing yourself that nothing is gonna go wrong.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence, real confidence, is knowing that you can handle whatever comes your way if something does go wrong.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's knowing that you have yourself in every situation, regardless of what happens, and judging your success on your internal state and how you handled it and how you showed up and what you achieved rather than how other people perceived you.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: It brings the energy back internally to yourself rather than allowing external situations to judge whether it was a good or a bad experience.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's not about building confidence, it's about building self-trust.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: You have to know and trust yourself and trust your abilities and know that you can handle whatever comes your way however it comes your way and whenever it comes your way, because you have yourself and that is true unshakable confidence when you know you can bounce back from any situation regardless of what happens.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: I know we have all been here where we anticipate the actual experience to be so much worse than it is.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: How many times have you been before an event, a hard conversation, a move, a holiday, anything it is you've done that's big and scary on your own, or just anything that's been big and scary, and you have completely catastrophized how it's gonna go.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: It's gonna be worst-case scenario, everything's gonna go wrong, everything that could possibly go wrong is gonna go wrong.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: And then you actually get there and you do the thing that you were so fucking scared of doing, and none of it went wrong.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: And I know I'm so guilty of this.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you have listened to my episode about my anxiety at something that I really struggled with, and it really put me off traveling for a very long time.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: I was so terrified of traveling because I told myself that all of these worst-case scenarios were gonna happen.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Everything that could go wrong was gonna go wrong.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: And when I actually got there and when I actually did the thing, none of that happened.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: But it was because I showed up and I knew that I could handle myself, whatever came my way.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: I knew I could handle the situation, and I showed up and I was confident in my abilities and confident of what I was gonna do, and I did those things regardless.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: And now looking back, I can't believe that I was so scared of doing those things.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: I didn't have the confidence and I was so terrified to take the step because I was so afraid of all these things going wrong.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was so afraid of being alone, I was so afraid of everything falling apart and me having to crawl back home with my tail between my legs and admit that yet again something didn't work out.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: But there comes a point where staying the same becomes scarier than growing the balls and just doing it.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: Staying the same and not changing and not going after what you know you want and deserve and desire in life becomes scarier than that lack of confidence that you feel.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: So for me personally, I just found that confidence within me and I went for it.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: I traveled, I traveled with an ex, I then traveled solo, and now I've moved to Australia completely alone and I'm fine, and I figured it out, and looking back, I didn't ever think it would be possible.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: But that version of me who traveled for the first time four years ago slowly started to build my confidence to the point where flying solo around the world doesn't I don't even think twice about it anymore.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: And it's something that I would have been terrified of six years ago, seven years ago, and now I don't even think about it because it's such second nature.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: Going to an airport, going to a whole new country, being completely alone in a whole new place and being able to figure it out and find my way through is now something that I've done so many times that I don't even think about it.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: I have the confidence within myself, but that confidence came from action.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: That confidence wouldn't have been here if I hadn't have done it the first, second, third, fourth, fifth times.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: And now I don't even think twice about it.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: So that is just proof that you have to do the things, you have to make the move, you have to show up and know you have the ability to handle whatever it is life is going to bring your way, and you're going to figure it out.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can't figure it out, then it's not the end because everything always works out.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: And if it hasn't worked out, then it's not the end.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: So just keep going.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: But showing up and knowing that you have the ability and you have the capability to handle yourself is going to change your life because confidence doesn't come before action, confidence comes after action.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: And that big scary thing that you want to do that you're so afraid of doing because you don't feel like you're confident enough to do it, and you don't have the ability to do it, you do.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: I promise you, you wouldn't be here listening to this episode right here with me right now if you didn't have the ability to change your life, to take life into your own hands and have that confidence, that burning fire within you to change your life.
• 9:02
  SPEAKER_00: Because that thing isn't gonna necessarily become less scary, but you become someone who has the evidence to know that they can handle it.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_00: You become someone who knows that, oh, I've been here before, I know what I'm doing, and I can do this all over again.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: It becomes second nature, and the more you do it, the easier and the easier and the easier it's gonna get.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_00: Because every single time you act, you collect little pieces of evidence.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Every single time you do something and you handle a situation, you have a tough conversation, you stand up for yourself, you decide to book a solo trip, you move to the other side of the world, you quit your job, you find a new job.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: Every single time you do something, you collect a piece of evidence that tells you who you are and how capable you are and what you can handle.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: And all of those pieces of evidence are what feeds this massive confidence within you that you need to drive yourself forward, to go after the life that you know you truly desire.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_00: And then when you show up and you do these things over and over and over again, you raise your baseline, you raise what you think is your minimum standard.
• 9:59
  SPEAKER_00: So something that you never thought would have been possible for you becomes second nature, becomes something that you've done so many times that you don't even bat an eyelid.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Because the first time you do something, it might be 10 out of 10 scary.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_00: It might be absolutely terrifying and that you're sweating and you are so nervous and you just don't want to do it.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_00: But then if you go back and you do it again, it might just be an eight.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, you might still be really nervous, but you know that you handled yourself last time and you know that you can do it again.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: And then again, you might show up and it might be a five, and you might be a little bit nervous because like it's a big scary thing, but you know you did it and you know you done it twice, and you know that it was all fine.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: And then eventually you're gonna show up and you realize that you didn't even think about it and you had no anxious thoughts and you had no spiraling and you didn't have to build up your confidence before you walked in that room or got on that flight or had that conversation.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_00: You just did it, and then you realize that something that once required a huge amount of courage becomes a part of your normal life.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: It becomes something that you can just do on autopilot, and your capacity expands, and that is how you build confidence, that is how you take action, and that is how you show yourself that you are perfectly fucking capable of doing the things that you think you cannot handle.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: And like I said before, confidence isn't about knowing that you're gonna succeed.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence isn't an external thing, it's not about knowing that those people liked you and that that was received well and that was successful from an external point of view.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's all about your internal state because confidence isn't about knowing the outcome, it's about knowing that you can handle whatever outcome comes.
• 11:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's about knowing you can handle whatever comes your way.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever you're gonna find out in the process of showing up and doing that thing and stepping out of your comfort zone, you know that you can handle yourself regardless of what happens, regardless of the situation, regardless of the outcome, you know you can handle yourself.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about what happened, it's not about whether it was seen as successful from an external point of view.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: It's all about internally and whether you handle yourself in that moment.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're stepping out of your comfort zone, you will feel fear.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: I have this tattooed on me and it says feel the fear and do it anyway, because it is very, very important that you don't always listen to your fear.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, sometimes your fear is your intuition telling you to stop.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: But most of the time, your fear is actually your ego not wanting to grow.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's not wanting to step out your comfort zone because your ego loves familiarity.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_00: Your ego loves what it knows, what is comfortable, what it can handle, what is already known and kind of in your space and in your bubble.
• 12:27
  SPEAKER_00: So a new identity, a new environment, a new place, it can be threatening just because it's new.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_00: But you don't have to eliminate the fear.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: You're not gonna be able to get rid of the fear most of the time.
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: You have to use the fear to fuel your fire.
• 12:39
  SPEAKER_00: You have to use the fear to know that you're actually growing and you're doing something that's different, and you're doing something that's big, and you're doing something that your ego doesn't potentially like because it means you're gonna grow.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: You can move with the fear, you can allow it to be the fuel to your fire, you can allow it to spur you on, to broaden your horizons and widen your comfort zone.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because nothing good ever comes from your comfort zone.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: And staying where you're confident and where you're happy and where you feel safe within your comfort zone is never gonna get you where you know you want to go.
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_00: Because every action is a vote for the person you're becoming.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Every single thing you do, every way you decide to show up comes back to the woman you want to become.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: Because you don't just suddenly become her.
• 13:18
  SPEAKER_00: You don't just suddenly become the version of yourself that you want to become.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: You don't suddenly become the woman who has built a whole new life in Australia, or quit the job that she hates, or had the tough conversations with people that she needs to talk to about things.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_00: You don't just become the woman who sets boundaries, who ends a relationship because it's toxic, who stands up for herself, who stands up for the people she loves.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_00: You don't just become her.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_00: You have to repeatedly act like her every time you keep a promise to yourself, every time you let yourself be seen, every time you choose yourself, every time you do something that feels uncomfortable, every time you feel the fear and do it anyway, every time you show up with confidence, knowing that you can handle whatever comes your way, you're teaching yourself, this is who I am, this is my new baseline, this is who I'm becoming, this is how you become her, by repeatedly showing up and putting yourself first over and over and over again.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Because who are you becoming?
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: Who do you want to be?
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want this rebellion series to help you become?
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: What do you want this rebellion series to help you achieve?
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to end the toxic relationship?
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to move to the other side of the world?
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to go on your first solo travel trip?
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to move into a new town or a new city?
• 14:32
  SPEAKER_00: What is it you want to do?
• 14:33
  SPEAKER_00: Do you just want to set some boundaries in your life so that people don't walk all over you and you're no longer the good girl that they always knew you to be?
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: What is it you want to achieve?
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: Who is it you're becoming?
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_00: What is it you're doing differently?
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_00: What is it you're no longer tolerating?
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: What is it that you believe is possible?
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: And when you become that version of yourself, what is it she would do today?
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: What are the very first steps she would take to becoming a step closer to that version of herself, to the woman you know you are put on this earth to be?
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: And then where can you collect evidence?
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: Where can you show up and have complete confidence and unwavering belief in yourself that it is going to work out?
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_00: And if it doesn't work out, you're gonna handle whatever comes your way.
• 15:12
  SPEAKER_00: And then where can you collect all these pieces of evidence so that you know you can handle yourself, you know you can show up, and you know you can take that step closer to achieving what it is you want to achieve.
• 15:22
  SPEAKER_00: Because this is the thing, the good girl waits until she's certain.
• 15:25
  SPEAKER_00: The good girl waits until she has the evidence to know that she can act.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Whereas the rebellious woman, she acts anyway, she says, you know what, fuck it.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna fuck around and find out.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna make the moves and I'm gonna see what happens because I know I have myself and I have complete confidence in myself that I'm going to handle whatever comes my way.
• 15:44
  SPEAKER_00: So do not wait for permission.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: Do not wait for everyone else's approval.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Do not wait to know that it will succeed before you start.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: Do not wait to avoid embarrassment and do not wait to make sure you have guaranteed success.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: Just act.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: Take the move, make it messy.
• 16:02
  SPEAKER_00: Just know you have the confidence within yourself that you will handle whatever comes your way and take that first step.
• 16:07
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck around and find out and just see what happens because you're gonna grow in the process.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Whether you get where you want to go in the very first move, or whether you learn about yourself and you learn how to do it differently next time, it's going to benefit you in the long run.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's going to help you change your life and get closer to the woman you know you're put on this earth to be.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: So your rebellious act for this week, I want you to get your journal out and I want you to write down and I want you to ask, what have you been waiting to feel confident enough to do?
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_00: What is it you want to do that you don't feel like you have the ability to do?
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to think about it.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to sit with this, I want you to sleep on it, I want you to bleed on it, whatever it is you want to do, I want you to figure out what it is that you're putting off that you don't feel like you have the ability to do, what is it you're not confident enough to act on?
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you to act on it, or at least I want you to plan how you can act on it.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to take small steps to becoming that person, that version of yourself, that woman you know you were put here to be, who isn't afraid, who does show up, who puts herself first, and who has the confidence in herself and knows that confidence comes after action.
• 17:09
  SPEAKER_00: So she takes action and she knows that whatever outcome comes from the consequence of that action, she can handle herself.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_00: So what have you been waiting to feel confident enough to do?
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: What have you been putting off?
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: Ask yourself that question and take the first steps to making it your reality, to changing your life and to actually doing that thing that you didn't think you were ready to do.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: Because I promise you, on the other side, you'll have done it and you realize that actually you were so fucking capable and you always have been capable, because you wouldn't have those seeds of your dreams and desires if you weren't capable in the first place.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_00: Nothing is planted within you if it wasn't already in your future path.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because you don't need more confidence, you don't need one more piece of evidence, you don't need one more rep, one more uncomfortable conversation, one more moment where you choose to move instead of waiting.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_00: Because confidence doesn't come before action.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence is what action leaves behind.
• 18:02
  SPEAKER_00: When you show up, you know you can do it, you raise your baseline.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: Every time you keep a promise to yourself, you build self-trust.
• 18:09
  SPEAKER_00: Every time you do something you thought you couldn't, the world gets a little bit bigger.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_00: And eventually the one thing that terrified you becomes something you don't even think twice about.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: Something that you once couldn't do becomes second nature, and that is the beauty of confidence comes after action.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_00: So don't wait until you're fearless.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_00: Don't fake it, don't half-ass it.
• 18:27
  SPEAKER_00: Just show up and let yourself become the woman who discovers through experience, through action, that she can handle herself because you can handle yourself.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_00: Because confidence has never been something you have to find.
• 18:39
  SPEAKER_00: Confidence is something you have to build from within.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for listening to today's episode.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: I hope it helps fuel your fire and makes you step out into the world and take action to know that you have the confidence and you have the ability and you have the belief in yourself that you can change your life and take that first step towards whatever it is you want the rebellion to help you achieve.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't already, make sure to follow or subscribe wherever you're listening or watching to the episode.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: You can find me on Instagram at IAMIsabelleMartucci for everything earth-based spirituality and breaking our good girl conditioning.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you again so much for listening, and I will see you again on the podcast next week.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: All my love, as always.