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I Like a Well-Told Joke! · Armstrong & Getty One More Thing

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I like a well-told joke. What can I say? It's
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: one more thing. Armstrong and Getty.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: One more thing.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Before we get to a well-told joke. I call it
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: the aristocrat. Before I get to a well-told joke, we
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: did get this text. Probably should have done it on
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: the show. You know, and it's criticism, which I generally
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: have a bit of an automatic reaction to. But I'm
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: feeling open-minded today. I'm a regular listener to your show,
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: which I think is very entertaining. However, today was an exception.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: As one of 15,000 area Scientologists in the Los Angeles area,
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: I'm very offended by the joke you made when discussing
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: what Tom Cruise might have been saying to Taylor Swift
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: on Monday Night Football. First of all, it was incorrect. Well,
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: that part's kind of silly. Yeah, I'm sure he didn't
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: actually say that. First of all, it was incorrect. And second,
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: it was slanderous. How would you like it if I
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: did that regarding your religion group you know nothing about?
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: And I thought, you know, there are people of various
• 1:08
  Speaker 1: religious groups that have strong feelings toward that, and they
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: feel that that makes their lives better and the world better. And,
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: you know, Sharia law-loving fundamentalists aside, I don't need to
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: make fun of everybody. So that's where I am on this.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: I laughed pretty hard.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I take no pleasure in offending somebody who is
• 1:35
  Speaker 2: kind and enjoys the show and would write a note
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: as magnanimous as that one. On the other hand, I
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: have an opinion about Scientology.
• 1:47
  Speaker 3: And the question, it becomes a business question to me, not.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: A moral one.
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  Speaker 2: Because, you know, some cultures are better than others for humanity.
• 1:57
  Speaker 2: Some religions are better than others for humanity. Whether you
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: believe the divine stuff or not, it's evident. It can be,
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: you know, intellectually weighed. But again, it's a business decision.
• 2:12
  Speaker 1: That's a good point right there. So this joke, and
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: that's what the podcast is today. I'm going to play
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: this joke. It's like two minutes long. And I laughed
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: at it yesterday. I really enjoy a well-told joke, and
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: I watch a lot of stand-up comic stuff on YouTube,
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: part of my algorithm, and I click on them all
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: the time. And a lot of times, if it's really
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: good John Mulaney or Brian Regan or Jerry Seinfeld or whoever,
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I go back and I'll watch it several times. Man,
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: the word choice, the pauses, the emphasis, I'm fascinated by
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: it and the people that are artists at it.
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: That's funny.
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: I never get stand-up stuff in my algorithm for obvious reasons, but.
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: I'm glad I do. That's one thing I like, but...
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: And because we do this for a living, I feel
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: like I can learn something from it also, but... Anyway,
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: I thought this was a really well-told joke. This is
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: going along. It's impossible. I think everybody does this when
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: you're hearing a joke. They'll, like, predict the punchline in
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: your head, but.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: Just the telling of it. I thought it was really,
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: really well told. And I laughed. So it doesn't do
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: any harm. Here you go. Oh, sorry.
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: Sorry.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: Didn't tell you this. It's going to have some weird
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: sounds at the end. This is why this is some
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: TV show in Britain. I should have been given credit
• 3:30
  Speaker 1: to this because we're just flat out ripping off their.
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: Their audio.
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: Tiny Tim's Adventures. So that's where I found this on Facebook.
• 3:42
  Speaker 1: But anyway, it's some show they do where people have
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: to take a big mouthful of water, like your mouth
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: is completely full of water. You hear the joke, and
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: then will you spit it out or not?
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  Speaker 2: Yes.
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  Speaker 4: Yes.
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  Speaker 1: I've seen these. Can it make you spit the water
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  Speaker 1: out or not?
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  Speaker 3: I love that.
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  Speaker 1: And I can tell you, the guy spits it out,
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: the woman does eventually, but the guy spits it out immediately. Anyway,
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: here's the joke.
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  Speaker 4: A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint
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  Speaker 4: and a ham sandwich. The barman looks at him and says,
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  Speaker 4: hang on, you're a duck. I see your eyes are working,
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  Speaker 4: replies the duck. And you can talk, exclaims the barman.
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  Speaker 4: I see your ears are working too, says the duck. Now,
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  Speaker 4: if you don't mind, can I have my beer and
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  Speaker 4: my sandwich, please?
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: Certainly.
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  Speaker 4: Sorry about that, says the barman. And he pulls the
• 4:18
  Speaker 4: duck's pint. It's just we don't get many ducks in
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  Speaker 4: this pub. What are you doing around this way? I'm
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  Speaker 4: working on the building site across the road, explains the duck.
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  Speaker 4: I'm a plasterer. Flabbergasted, the barman just says, well, you
• 4:28
  Speaker 4: know what, can we have a chat? But he gets
• 4:30
  Speaker 4: the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from
• 4:32
  Speaker 4: his bag and proceeds to read it. So the duck
• 4:34
  Speaker 4: reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids
• 4:37
  Speaker 4: the barman a good day and leaves. The same thing
• 4:39
  Speaker 4: happens for two weeks. Then, one day, the circus comes
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  Speaker 4: to town. The ringmaster comes into the pub for a
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  Speaker 4: pint and the barman says to him, you're with the circus,
• 4:47
  Speaker 4: aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be
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  Speaker 4: just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beers, eats sandwiches,
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  Speaker 4: reads the newspaper and everything. Sounds marvelous, says the ringmaster,
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: handing over his business card. Get him to give me
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  Speaker 4: a call. So the next day, when the duck comes
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  Speaker 4: into the pub, the barman says, hey, Mr. Duck, I
• 5:01
  Speaker 4: reckon I can line you up with a top job,
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  Speaker 4: really good money. Well, I'm always looking for the next job,
• 5:06
  Speaker 4: the duck says. Where's it at? It's at the circus,
• 5:08
  Speaker 4: says the barman. The circus, repeats the duck.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: With the big tent?
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  Speaker 4: Yeah, the barman replies. With all the animals who live
• 5:16
  Speaker 4: in cages and performers who live in caravans, says the duck.
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  Speaker 4: Of course, the barman replies. And the tent has canvas
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  Speaker 4: slides and a big canvas roof with a hole in
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  Speaker 4: the middle, persists the duck. That's right, says the barman.
• 5:26
  Speaker 4: The duck shakes his head in amazement and says, What
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  Speaker 4: the f * * * would they want with a plasterer?
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: And the guy laughs and spits out his water.
• 5:44
  Speaker 2: That's good, Michael.
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: There's no.
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: Need to cut it off.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: Wasn't that a well-told joke? It led you in so
• 5:53
  Speaker 1: many different directions.
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: Oh, yes.
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: Is that a Shaggy Dog story? There's a name for
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: that form of a joke.
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: I love that sort of joke.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: Like, there's so many times where I thought, oh, I know,
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: where they keep the animal in cages. Okay, so it's
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: something about a duck doesn't want to be kept in
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: a cage.
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: Right, yeah.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: What the fuck do you want with a plasterer?
• 6:16
  Speaker 3: Oh, my God, I love that joke.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: Oh, you need all the elements, too. You gotta do
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: the whole thing. The fact that he tries to talk
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: to the duck, but he realizes, I guess, the duck's
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: not interested when the duck pulls out a newspaper and
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: starts reading it.
• 6:31
  Speaker 3: Right, right.
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: It's just, oh, that's so important to the joke. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: And he's kind of a smart ass. Well, I see
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: you've got eyes. Well, I see you've got ears.
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: You could teach a college class on that joke.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: That's what I thought. I listened to that several times.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: I thought, that is really well put together. Wow. You know,
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: with the tent and the hole in the top.
• 7:02
  Speaker 2: Wow.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm fascinated by that.
• 7:05
  Speaker 2: I'm going to go back to our own podcast and
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  Speaker 2: re-listen to that several times.
• 7:08
  Speaker 3: Or send me the link or something. Wow, that's great.
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: That reminds me, it's almost a litmus test that I
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: used to have for people. And a couple of my
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: best friends failed the test, so I realized maybe it's
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: not such a great test.
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: But there's, Jack, I'll bet you remember this.
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: The Shaggy Dog Story, or whatever you call it, the
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: long narrative joke with a surprise punchline about the guy
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: with the giant orange head.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: Do you remember that one?
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  Speaker 3: Oh my God.
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: I laughed till I had tears running down my cheeks.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: And occasionally I would tell that joke to friends and
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: they would be like, I don't get it.
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  Speaker 3: And you've wasted my time.
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  Speaker 1: I wonder if there's a chance that not everybody does
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: try to predict how a joke's going to end. Because
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  Speaker 1: if you're doing that, then the misdirection is where it
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  Speaker 1: brings you so much surprise.
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  Speaker 2: Right.
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  Speaker 1: Because I've heard plenty of animals walking into a bar
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  Speaker 1: and talking jokes.
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  Speaker 3: Right.
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
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  Speaker 2: I think the newspaper, the role of the newspaper thing
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: is that it sucks you in past any, it helps
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  Speaker 2: disarm your, or arm your suspension of disbelief because it's
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  Speaker 2: such a true to life detail.
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  Speaker 3: The character of the, talking.
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  Speaker 2: Reading, sandwich-loving duck becomes a lot more real to you
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  Speaker 2: in that moment. And, you know, as a comedian once said,
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: analyzing a joke is like dissecting a frog.
• 8:42
  Speaker 3: The frog dies of it. Yeah, that's such a great detail.
• 8:47
  Speaker 1: Well, and I had to listen to this again at
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: the time because I thought, so.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: Duck said yeah i work construction across the street i'm
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  Speaker 1: a plasterer and then he goes right into it so
• 8:57
  Speaker 1: what are you doing here they don't like you're a
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: plasterer like really drive home that point right right and
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  Speaker 1: and plaster is an odd thing so it kind of
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: stuck in my mind like plaster i mean i didn't
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: spend a lot of time thinking about it but it's
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  Speaker 1: not a common term of right.
• 9:13
  Speaker 3: Right and you.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: Could say you know in the u.s you might say
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: sheetrock guy or whatever but Yeah, and I expected, well,
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: you have wings or something. Right.
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  Speaker 3: No, no, no.
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  Speaker 2: And then, you know, it hadn't occurred to me, but
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  Speaker 2: he's talking about the tent.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: You know, it's a tent, right?
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: With the pole and the hole in the middle, right?
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: What the fuck would they need with a plasterer?
• 9:41
  Speaker 3: That is one acerbic but smart duck.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: Well, he's smart and so confused by the, why would
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  Speaker 1: they want me in the circus?
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: Oh, boy.
• 9:52
  Speaker 2: That water would have been uh spit far and.
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: Wide absolutely bro put the duck back there you go.
• 10:01
  Speaker 2: Oh hey speaking of that sort of thing i'm sorry
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: i know that would have been a perfect ending i
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: i love a saying an aphorism i i collect them
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: i have shelves full of books collecting quotes i bring
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: you the freedom loving quote of the day every day
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: on the show uh And I'm a big fan of the,
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: you know, everything's possible if you believe, blah, blah, blah,
• 10:22
  Speaker 2: within reason, obviously. Here is the impossible task. I would
• 10:26
  Speaker 2: bet anybody $ 1, 000 they could not execute this challenge. You
• 10:35
  Speaker 2: know how at the fair or something you got the
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: shooting a basket, but the basket's like, you know, just
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: it's an eighth of an inch on each side.
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: Wider than the ball.
• 10:44
  Speaker 1: Steph Curry couldn't do it.
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: That's right, exactly.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, in fact, I've seen NBA players trying, and it's
• 10:48
  Speaker 2: pretty funny. It tells you something you ought to know.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: All right, I will give you twice the area, double
• 10:57
  Speaker 2: the area of a standard sheet of copier paper. Okay?
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: Draw a box on the floor. Hold this at chest
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: height and have it fall into that area. I'll give
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: you 10 tries. 500 bucks says you can't do it.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: Really? Yeah.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: I was just trying to get, I just had a
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: piece of paper that I wanted to be over here. And,
• 11:23
  Speaker 2: and I like tossed it a little bit. Maybe I'll
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: make you toss it a little bit. Cause if you
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: dropped it straight down on my work, I tried to,
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: I thought, Oh, this is not work. This is personal.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: I'm sitting here in the studio. I'll put it over there.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: And it fluttered and it went back and forth and
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: it ended up like on my feet. And I realized
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: this is an extremely difficult task. Yes.
• 11:44
  Speaker 3: That's such a guy thought.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: That is a guy thought.
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: You're right. And as it was falling, I was thinking
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: about the Roman Empire.
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: This is an extremely difficult task.
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: I'll pay you $.
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: 1, 000.
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: You can have 10 tries. Well, I guess that's it.