Latest / Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud / 10 Reasons "Huge Fan of the Devil" Will Crack You Up 🤣😁🤣
Transcript
- 0:00SPEAKER_00: Y'all are gorgeous.
- 0:02SPEAKER_00: Everybody here is good looking.
- 0:06SPEAKER_00: I feel like y'all don't wear condoms.
- 0:10SPEAKER_00: That's what that's a vibe, ma'am.
- 0:12SPEAKER_00: You're nasty.
- 0:14SPEAKER_00: I know.
- 0:15SPEAKER_00: Okay, no, I'm gonna I'm gonna ask y'all a question.
- 0:18SPEAKER_00: Do y'all wear condoms?
- 0:20SPEAKER_01: No.
- 0:22SPEAKER_00: Right, exactly.
- 0:23SPEAKER_00: Yeah, pull over.
- 0:26SPEAKER_00: Y'all, nobody's wearing condoms.
- 0:29SPEAKER_00: Nobody's wearing condoms.
- 0:30SPEAKER_00: And I know this because you know I travel the country and I am taking data or data.
- 0:39SPEAKER_00: And every time I ask an audience, like, oh, y'all fuck with condoms, they do exactly what y'all did.
- 0:48SPEAKER_00: And it's crazy to me, it's crazy to me that, I mean, I don't wear them either.
- 0:54SPEAKER_00: I'm nasty like y'all, that's fine.
- 0:57SPEAKER_00: But it's crazy to me that like we're all on the same page about con as America.
- 1:04SPEAKER_00: America feels the same way about condoms, and that's boo.
- 1:10SPEAKER_00: We don't want them.
- 1:11SPEAKER_00: And it's wild because after a global pandemic, we could not, to save our lives, get on the same page about masks.
- 1:22SPEAKER_00: We're still divided, the country's divided.
- 1:25SPEAKER_00: They work, they don't work.
- 1:28SPEAKER_00: If you wear them, you're left.
- 1:29SPEAKER_00: If you don't, you're right.
- 1:31SPEAKER_00: It's a shit show.
- 1:32SPEAKER_00: Who knew the one thing we would all vote the same on?
- 1:36SPEAKER_00: Raw dogging.
- 1:39SPEAKER_00: We love it.
- 1:42SPEAKER_00: America loves a raw dick.
- 1:47SPEAKER_00: I think that should be the flag, just a rah dick.
- 1:52SPEAKER_00: America.
- 1:55SPEAKER_00: I don't even know the song.
- 1:56SPEAKER_00: That's bad.
- 1:59SPEAKER_00: I should learn the song.
- 2:01SPEAKER_00: I should learn the song.
- 2:03SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, I'm I'm nasty like y'all.
- 2:06SPEAKER_00: I don't wear condoms.
- 2:07SPEAKER_00: And I should because I live in Texas.
- 2:11SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, so I'm really fucked.
- 2:14SPEAKER_00: I'm really fucked there.
- 2:16SPEAKER_00: And I don't want to brag, but I do feel like I'm high risk.
- 2:24SPEAKER_00: I feel like I'm highly susceptible.
- 2:27SPEAKER_00: Stop it, sir.
- 2:28SPEAKER_00: Don't live.
- 2:31SPEAKER_00: I'm in, I'm in, you know, a susceptible situation.
- 2:37SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
- 2:38SPEAKER_00: I am nasty like y'all.
- 2:40SPEAKER_00: I like sex.
- 2:41SPEAKER_00: Yeah, okay.
- 2:42SPEAKER_00: The nasty girls.
- 2:44SPEAKER_00: I love it.
- 2:45SPEAKER_00: I like sex.
- 2:47SPEAKER_00: Um, I think we can all agree though that the worst part of sex is when the guy comes.
- 2:54SPEAKER_00: Right?
- 2:55SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it is.
- 2:57SPEAKER_00: It is.
- 2:57SPEAKER_00: I'm sorry.
- 2:58SPEAKER_00: It's because it's fun up until that point.
- 3:02SPEAKER_00: Up until that point, until the before all the you know the drama, we're having a good time.
- 3:10SPEAKER_00: We're like, where's the condom?
- 3:16SPEAKER_00: Who cares?
- 3:18SPEAKER_01: Right?
- 3:19SPEAKER_00: But then when he's gonna come, it's like the vibe changes.
- 3:25SPEAKER_01: You know, I'm looking down one minute and then I look up at him and his like and I'm like, are you mad or what did I say something?
- 3:44SPEAKER_00: And it's always like, where do you want me to come?
- 3:46SPEAKER_00: Where do you want me to come?
- 3:48SPEAKER_00: Where do you want me to come?
- 3:50SPEAKER_00: This isn't a game.
- 3:53SPEAKER_01: I'm like, what?
- 3:55SPEAKER_00: Like, okay, let me get up.
- 3:58SPEAKER_00: Let me turn on the lights.
- 4:02SPEAKER_00: Let's really think about this.
- 4:07SPEAKER_00: Where do you I don't, I mean, I we can't just, you know, be willy-nilly with it.
- 4:13SPEAKER_00: I don't have washer dryer, so we gotta think about it, otherwise it's just gonna be here in the room with me for like two weeks.
- 4:27SPEAKER_00: Where do also why do I have to?
- 4:29SPEAKER_00: Shouldn't you have come with a plan?
- 4:32SPEAKER_00: That's your shit.
- 4:34SPEAKER_00: Why do I gotta figure out where it goes?
- 4:38SPEAKER_00: It's too much.
- 4:40SPEAKER_00: It's too much.
- 4:42SPEAKER_00: Where do you want me to come?
- 4:43SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I outside.
- 4:49SPEAKER_00: Preferably outside.
- 4:52SPEAKER_00: My roommate's home.
- 4:57SPEAKER_00: It just feels like an emergency, way too fat, you know, and and again, it's like, no, but we're dramatic.
- 5:04SPEAKER_00: No, men are dramatic.
- 5:07SPEAKER_00: Because it's like it goes from zero to 60 all of a sudden.
- 5:11SPEAKER_00: It's like we're having a good time, and then he's like he's gonna come, all of a sudden there's a bomb on my chest, and there's a red and blue wire, and he's like, which one do I come on?
- 5:24unknown: Hooray!
- 5:26SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I don't know.
- 5:29SPEAKER_00: Remember your training.
- 5:35SPEAKER_00: Like, what am I supposed to do with that?
- 5:39SPEAKER_00: Sometimes I wonder that maybe I can reverse psychology the cum.
- 5:44SPEAKER_00: Like if I set the bar so high that it it'll scare the cum back inside of him, you know?
- 5:51SPEAKER_00: Like to scare him.
- 5:53SPEAKER_00: Like, like when he's like, Where do you want me to come?
- 5:55SPEAKER_00: And I just jump off and I put on a poncho, and I'm like, everywhere.
- 6:01SPEAKER_00: Get the plants, get all the plants.
- 6:05SPEAKER_00: I haven't watered them in weeks.
- 6:09SPEAKER_00: The dog's got a poncho on too.
- 6:12SPEAKER_00: I'm like, we're good.
- 6:17SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
- 6:18SPEAKER_00: He's mad.
- 6:22SPEAKER_00: I think he was about to come.
- 6:23SPEAKER_00: That's fine.
- 6:25SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
- 6:26SPEAKER_00: Thank you, sir, for leaving.
- 6:29SPEAKER_00: If you are gonna come, please exit.
- 6:35SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
- 6:37SPEAKER_00: I appreciate that.
- 6:40SPEAKER_00: I appreciate that.
- 6:42SPEAKER_00: Don't worry, y'all.
- 6:44SPEAKER_00: My mom does pray for me.
- 6:45SPEAKER_00: Um she does.
- 6:48SPEAKER_00: I have a tiny little Mexican mom.
- 6:50SPEAKER_00: She's very Catholic, she's always praying for me.
- 6:54SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they're okay.
- 6:55SPEAKER_00: I'm okay.
- 6:56SPEAKER_00: I'm okay with her.
- 6:57SPEAKER_00: She's fine.
- 6:58SPEAKER_00: She's always like, you know, praying for me.
- 7:01SPEAKER_00: But uh, because I grew up Catholic, like now I'm a huge fan of the devil.
- 7:06SPEAKER_00: I like I'm not trying to fuck with the devil, I'm just saying, like, I appreciate his work.
- 7:13SPEAKER_00: Because especially like the movies, I love all the devil movies.
- 7:18SPEAKER_00: Huge fan.
- 7:20SPEAKER_00: Growing up, I love you know, the exorcist, the conjuring, all the movies that the devil is in.
- 7:27SPEAKER_00: But last year, they made a new exorc, Exorcist 2023.
- 7:33SPEAKER_00: And now they're putting people of color in them.
- 7:37SPEAKER_00: And I think I could speak for all the people of color when I say this is the one genre that we can keep all white.
- 7:47SPEAKER_00: Right?
- 7:50SPEAKER_00: We're okay with them.
- 7:52SPEAKER_00: Because the devil doesn't want us.
- 7:56SPEAKER_00: He wants y'all.
- 7:58SPEAKER_00: Y'all know what you did.
- 8:03SPEAKER_00: That's why people of color sell those motherfuckers out every time the weekend it comes out, we're there because we're like, let me go watch the devil slam these motherfuckers against the wall.
- 8:18SPEAKER_00: Get the neck.
- 8:24SPEAKER_00: My favorite is the white moms, where they're always like, I don't know why this is happening.
- 8:29SPEAKER_00: It's like, you know why this is happening.
- 8:33SPEAKER_00: The microaggressions have gone too far.
- 8:37SPEAKER_00: The hills have eyes.
- 8:41SPEAKER_00: Okay, there's too many white whites.
- 8:43SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's fine.
- 8:45SPEAKER_00: That's fine.
- 8:45SPEAKER_00: Just so y'all know, that's how we feel.
- 8:50SPEAKER_00: I do, even though I love like horror movies and shit, I do have a problem with the genre, and it's that there's no fat ghost.
- 9:00SPEAKER_00: I'm like, I'm trying to tell Hollywood where is the fat ghost representation?
- 9:05SPEAKER_00: Because every time I go, it's always these skinny motherfuckers still haunting, getting their steps in.
- 9:13SPEAKER_00: But I'm like, what as a fat person, I'm like, what's gonna happen to me when I die?
- 9:17SPEAKER_00: What do I get to do?
- 9:19SPEAKER_00: There's literally no fat ghost.
- 9:22SPEAKER_00: And I was talking to my therapist about this, and the bitch told me, what about Slimer?
- 9:33SPEAKER_00: And I was like, don't say slimer to me, bitch! I was like, that's it, I'm getting a new therapist.
- 9:42SPEAKER_00: But also that slimer is a perfect example.
- 9:46SPEAKER_00: That's what I have to look forward to.
- 9:48SPEAKER_00: Just eating hot dogs in a library all mad.
- 9:53SPEAKER_00: Pissed at the Dewey Decimal system and just smacking it around.
- 9:58SPEAKER_00: I have a theory, I have a theory that Slimer, when she was alive, she was a beautiful woman named Susan Limer.
- 10:07SPEAKER_00: And y'all just started calling her Slimer.
- 10:10SPEAKER_00: And that's fucked up.
- 10:13SPEAKER_00: So tonight, pour one out for Susan Limer.
- 10:16SPEAKER_00: Thank y'all so much, I'm Vanessa Gonzalez.
- 10:20SPEAKER_00: Have a good night.