Latest / Anele and the Club on 947 / If an old school bully apologised today, would you accept it?

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If an old school bully apologised today, would you accept it? · Anele and the Club on 947

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Wake up with a fang, wake up and the club
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: on nine four seven.
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: Now, so what would happen?
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: What would go through your mind if now, at the
• 0:15
  Speaker 3: age that you are, Cindy forty four, Frankie thirty nine.
• 0:19
  Speaker 4: Timber thirty four, people all going lower the one we
• 0:22
  Speaker 4: actually are.
• 0:23
  Speaker 2: I appreciate this.
• 0:24
  Speaker 5: I'm twenty nine.
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: Actually I'm fourteen. What wod you say at the age
• 0:30
  Speaker 3: that you are? Right now, somebody uh DMD you messaged
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: you on LinkedIn, message you on Facebook, got ahold of
• 0:39
  Speaker 3: your number somehow, and they say and you recognize their name,
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: and you recognize their face, or they even approach you,
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: maybe you like get a check us or a Willie's right,
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: And they approach you and they say, hey, remember me.
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: We went to.
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: School together, and you just you're like oh, And immediately
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: you tense up because you know that you and this
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: person to not get.
• 1:00
  Speaker 2: Along at school, right right?
• 1:02
  Speaker 3: And then they then apologize and say, I'm so sorry.
• 1:06
  Speaker 3: I know as a horrible person to you, I was
• 1:08
  Speaker 3: part of your bullying at school, and I just want
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: to say I'm sorry.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: So this this person has gone on a personal journey
• 1:15
  Speaker 1: somewhere along the line and realized that they caused you
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: harm and come to apologize to you.
• 1:20
  Speaker 6: That's the worst. Now, that's the worst.
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: So you would tell them to I would no, but
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: I mean I would really tell them what they did
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: to me, because I think that's the thing this and
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: I might be leave them that being a big thing.
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: Like there are things in school, especially when you have
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: interactions with people you don't get along with, that stick
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: with you forever forever.
• 1:39
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I think it depends depends on a whether you
• 1:46
  Speaker 5: want to revisit the chapter or if you've moved on
• 1:49
  Speaker 5: and actually don't want the person to take you back.
• 1:53
  Speaker 3: This is my thing is that most people who had bullies,
• 1:56
  Speaker 3: and you had terrible bullies in their life, they've done
• 1:58
  Speaker 3: their work right and now they're all the way in
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: and they've healed and you know, they fine now and
• 2:03
  Speaker 3: they realize that you know that's gone. Then you, because
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: you haven't healed from the fact that you are a
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: terrible person. Now you want to pull the rest of
• 2:10
  Speaker 3: us back into your world because it was your world
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: that was tumultuous, and that's why the rest of us,
• 2:16
  Speaker 3: you know, we're in for it every single day. So
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: don't put me back into your darkness. You can be
• 2:21
  Speaker 3: dug by yourself.
• 2:22
  Speaker 5: Because the therapist has now said you have to go
• 2:24
  Speaker 5: back and make right with the people.
• 2:27
  Speaker 4: Oh so there was I had to fall out with
• 2:29
  Speaker 4: somebody in the trek now that I actually just remember
• 2:31
  Speaker 4: right now. I really didn't like her, and she was
• 2:34
  Speaker 4: unaware that she had hurt me so badly. Right, and
• 2:39
  Speaker 4: every now and then she tries to DM me on
• 2:41
  Speaker 4: like or she comments on my Instagram or not, I've
• 2:46
  Speaker 4: blocked her, and then I forgot out and this is
• 2:49
  Speaker 4: actually quite bad. I bought a product from a small
• 2:53
  Speaker 4: business and I was like, oh I love this, blah
• 2:54
  Speaker 4: blah blah, and then she messaged me and said, oh,
• 2:57
  Speaker 4: that's my sister's company. Never bought again.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: Okay, sorry. You would like an apology from her then.
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: But she doesn't know that she actually upset me. But
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: maybe I need to be the adult and tell her.
• 3:09
  Speaker 4: But then do I really care thirty years later, like
• 3:12
  Speaker 4: do I?
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: Well, you're telling her on the radio.
• 3:14
  Speaker 4: So she doesn't live here.
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: She doesn't live here.
• 3:17
  Speaker 4: So if she had to come back to me and say,
• 3:19
  Speaker 4: oh my gosh, apparently it was me, I would say
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: it was really really horrible, and yeah.
• 3:24
  Speaker 5: She's the reason her sister's candle business had to shut down.
• 3:27
  Speaker 4: Well not candle but close. But she's diffusing, So so
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: I would if she came back to me and she
• 3:35
  Speaker 4: literally said, oh I heard what she said on the
• 3:37
  Speaker 4: radio and I didn't realize blah blah blah, I'd go, okay.
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: Cool, Well, thank you, I've moved on. Would the apology
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: be welcomed?
• 3:45
  Speaker 4: No, because I don't think she realized you're so horrible.
• 3:49
  Speaker 6: Would you like an apology? It wouldn't.
• 3:52
  Speaker 4: It wouldn't phase me.
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: It just I just wouldn't change anything.
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: I would just like her to know that it was
• 3:57
  Speaker 4: horrible at the time.
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: So how would I do? I don't know a guy?
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: You know me, I'm all like, oh, somebody sorry, you
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: should call me. Oh one one eight eight thirty eight nine.
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: Four seven, send us a voice, not zero eight four
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: double zero double zero nine four seven.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: If somebody that hurts you.
• 4:15
  Speaker 3: Twenty thirty years ago reached out to apologize because they
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: were a horrible person to you, They were part of
• 4:22
  Speaker 3: your bullying, they were part of your dark times in school,
• 4:25
  Speaker 3: would you welcome that apology? Or do Should we just
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: let people be They've done the work on themselves. They've
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: moved on, they've got families.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: You know what, what what does it benefit? Who does
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: it benefit?
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: It's the same as you know when people go to
• 4:40
  Speaker 3: a and they've got twelve steps and then you're told
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: by your therapist or your reap you have to apologize
• 4:46
  Speaker 3: to everyone.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: I don't know. Some people don't want you.
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: To say sorry, ay, and it's all about you now.
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: You are just here to make yourself feel better. Do
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: you find that, do you feel that, do you believe that?
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: Or should we allow people to come from any time
• 4:59
  Speaker 3: in your life to come and apologize.
• 5:01
  Speaker 5: I like to keep the tension going. I feel like
• 5:03
  Speaker 5: I'm in a soap opera. My rival from the two
• 5:05
  Speaker 5: years ago?
• 5:07
  Speaker 6: Were you not the rival? Oh darling? I always put
• 5:10
  Speaker 6: back you see.
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: And maybe the reason why I feel let people be
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: is because I thought it out of all my stuff
• 5:18
  Speaker 3: back in high school. You tried it, I tried you
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: right back type of thing.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: But not everyone is like that.
• 5:22
  Speaker 7: I think.
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: Also what's changed.
• 5:23
  Speaker 5: I think what's been shocking for me is how intense
• 5:25
  Speaker 5: it has become when you consider what used to happen
• 5:28
  Speaker 5: when we were in school. Yeah, and how in the
• 5:30
  Speaker 5: last let's say fifteen to twenty years, bullying has begun
• 5:33
  Speaker 5: to like extreme.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sure a lot of people have had this
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: with someone who's reached out and said, listen, I'm sorry,
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: I know that was wrong.
• 5:41
  Speaker 3: What have you reached out to something you have and
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: told them you're sorry that you were a horrible person
• 5:47
  Speaker 3: and what was their reaction?
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: And what reaction were you hoping to get?
• 5:50
  Speaker 7: Oh?
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: One one eight thirty eight.
• 5:52
  Speaker 3: Nine four seven, we be very deep on a Tuesday morning.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: But bullying is a thing. Do you a true apology?
• 5:58
  Speaker 8: I think like it depends what they thinks. A girl
• 6:03
  Speaker 8: I was waking ward six years ago, so now that
• 6:07
  Speaker 8: I got the new job, she's like, Hi, bigs, I had.
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: The good news. Well I just pretend it, and I
• 6:15
  Speaker 2: don't like to pretend.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: No, Guys, if something happened to you twenty thirty years
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: ago and you were still holding a grudge about it,
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: then you are a prime candidate for some therapy.
• 6:25
  Speaker 6: Therapy is amazing.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: Everybody should be a therapy now.
• 6:29
  Speaker 6: But it happens.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: It's not that maybe you're not even holding onto it,
• 6:32
  Speaker 1: but I mean it's always there.
• 6:33
  Speaker 6: It's part of who you are now. Yeah, this is
• 6:34
  Speaker 6: what happened Yeah.
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: It's just not I don't want to hear it.
• 6:37
  Speaker 3: I don't want to hear it if it makes you
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: feel bad that you were terrible to me.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: Good for you. The tables have turned.
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: It's time for you to swimmer in it like I
• 6:45
  Speaker 3: swimmereed in it when it was happening. What shall we
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: set a letter in the parking lot? I mean one
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: last time? That too, Vanessa and Douglasdale.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: What do you think?
• 6:55
  Speaker 9: Hi, team, good morning, oliber money.
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: How are you goodn you?
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: We're fantastic? What do you think?
• 7:04
  Speaker 8: So?
• 7:04
  Speaker 9: I think forgiveness in order let me let me explain there.
• 7:07
  Speaker 9: So I was as being decades later.
• 7:10
  Speaker 10: Right, and in school my best friend and I were
• 7:13
  Speaker 10: bullied ridiculously and not some girls one guys from Bolly
• 7:18
  Speaker 10: so they would call it would be the name calling thing.
• 7:20
  Speaker 9: They called us Laurel and Hardy. So that was their
• 7:24
  Speaker 9: name for us because I was still in twelve and.
• 7:27
  Speaker 10: She was the opposite of me. So and we were
• 7:29
  Speaker 10: best and.
• 7:30
  Speaker 9: We took that. We took a lot of it. And
• 7:32
  Speaker 9: the other day.
• 7:33
  Speaker 10: Which made an ice cream at melky Laine, what's awful goffle?
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: Oh wow, I didn't created Yeah, that sounds like.
• 7:45
  Speaker 7: This is ages ago.
• 7:46
  Speaker 10: So they used to do that all the time, and
• 7:48
  Speaker 10: then time passed.
• 7:49
  Speaker 9: I moved to Johannesburg, forgot all about that, grew up,
• 7:53
  Speaker 9: and then I got this random call once I'm in
• 7:55
  Speaker 9: the house and I'm like, okay, who's this, Let's take it.
• 7:58
  Speaker 9: And the boy sounded so familiar, and I'm.
• 8:00
  Speaker 10: Like, hey, wait a minute is this and then he's like,
• 8:03
  Speaker 10: it's Rocky remember from school?
• 8:05
  Speaker 9: And I'm like, oh my gosh, yes, and then we
• 8:07
  Speaker 9: we've caught up, but he says, yes, I've got I
• 8:10
  Speaker 9: asked and wants you to please forgive me, and I
• 8:13
  Speaker 9: was like, what for? And then he's like, because we
• 8:15
  Speaker 9: belittle you guys, we called your name. He started doing
• 8:19
  Speaker 9: a confession, like a huge confession, and then this is
• 8:22
  Speaker 9: how we made your feel.
• 8:25
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry, Oh no, I need to know what Vanissa
• 8:29
  Speaker 3: City she.
• 8:30
  Speaker 5: Hung up on Rocky.
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: She was literally like, well, wait for it to come back.
• 8:34
  Speaker 3: We used to get called it as well, because I
• 8:35
  Speaker 3: had a skinny friend in us also run but they
• 8:37
  Speaker 3: used to call.
• 8:38
  Speaker 6: Us ten oh three teens cup and.
• 8:45
  Speaker 5: Calling you yeah and yes.
• 8:50
  Speaker 9: He just started saying that how sorry is but he
• 8:52
  Speaker 9: said he says, I've.
• 8:54
  Speaker 10: Got kids now and my kids are in school, and
• 8:56
  Speaker 10: I think his daughter's been through it. It's been great
• 8:58
  Speaker 10: through it, and he said, he says.
• 9:00
  Speaker 9: I know how it made you go feel I am
• 9:03
  Speaker 9: so sorry. Please forgive me, but I just I just
• 9:05
  Speaker 9: want to express that we shouldn't have done that to
• 9:08
  Speaker 9: you guys. But back in the day and La, it
• 9:10
  Speaker 9: was bullying like you just took it. You took it
• 9:12
  Speaker 9: on the shoulder, you were strong, you did it back
• 9:15
  Speaker 9: it was.
• 9:16
  Speaker 10: No such thing as like bullying, like it wasn't a thing.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: Now it is.
• 9:20
  Speaker 3: No Now it is terrible the story that I get
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: sent on social media day, Like, I just I promise
• 9:27
  Speaker 3: you my intrusive thoughts take over and I almost want
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: to start a vigilante group. And we just go from
• 9:32
  Speaker 3: school to school and we saw that bullies like it's
• 9:35
  Speaker 3: just gotten out of hand.
• 9:36
  Speaker 2: So I just I.
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: Don't know, man, people carry it, and even if you
• 9:40
  Speaker 3: think it was small.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: People carry it.
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: I wanted to ask Vanessa if it's better now, if
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: she feel if did you feel better, Vanessa after the apology.
• 9:48
  Speaker 9: Yeah, I didn't even remember it. I was like, oh, dude,
• 9:50
  Speaker 9: you're carrying this for years.
• 9:53
  Speaker 6: Carry with it.
• 9:54
  Speaker 9: Yeah, so if you can, really, it's almost give the
• 9:57
  Speaker 9: duo release. Come on, you can forget about it. I'm
• 10:00
  Speaker 9: okay with it. It's okay, but I was. I was
• 10:03
  Speaker 9: glad that he he actually called after how many Yeah,
• 10:07
  Speaker 9: it's crazy.
• 10:08
  Speaker 5: How we are now, but anyway, but it's almost her a.
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: Your parents raised better people, guys.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: My parents were absent that.
• 10:19
  Speaker 6: Day, tsure this song is for you.
• 10:23
  Speaker 5: So I had a guy who made my life absolutely
• 10:26
  Speaker 5: hell in high school and he apologized on the last
• 10:29
  Speaker 5: diametric and I tell him thanks, but no thanks.
• 10:33
  Speaker 8: Like little ti Lette, I just found out from a
• 10:36
  Speaker 8: mutual friend that my high school bullies are still continuing
• 10:42
  Speaker 8: what bullying me.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: And my absence.
• 10:45
  Speaker 5: What drives me crazy is my bully actor oblivious came
• 10:49
  Speaker 5: to me and said, I see how exciting your life
• 10:51
  Speaker 5: is on Instagram.
• 10:52
  Speaker 2: I would like you to please give me a job.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: And what makes it even worse so that my brother
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: is now his friends, so he regularly visits our home
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: and if one expect, everything has been okey, intrusive thoughts,
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: intrusive thoughts. Anna, you're an other out of park. Good morning,
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: good morning on la.
• 11:10
  Speaker 7: How are you?
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: We are so good and thank you for calling us.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: I'm old years. What do you want to tell us?
• 11:15
  Speaker 9: Well, I'm just sorry.
• 11:16
  Speaker 10: I just want to go back to the previous scholar
• 11:18
  Speaker 10: of the letter.
• 11:19
  Speaker 7: Yes, I just feel like if his.
• 11:20
  Speaker 10: Thoughts didn't go through whatever they put them through.
• 11:24
  Speaker 7: He wasn't going to call him apologize.
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because he was never going to know that his
• 11:27
  Speaker 3: behavior was awful. But now he is seeing, he is
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: seeing what it goes home.
• 11:33
  Speaker 6: Yeah, he's right, what's happening on the other side.
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: Yeah, because the thing about bullies is that they don't
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: they're not at your house when you're crying to your
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: parents and your siblings telling them about this bullying that
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: is happening at school. To them, it's just a thing
• 11:45
  Speaker 3: that's happening at school. But even worse now Anna in
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: twenty twenty six. That is the problem with cell phones
• 11:51
  Speaker 3: at school is that bullying goes home with their victims.
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: Back in the day, you left it at school, that
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: you're being mistreated by your fellow pupils. Right now, they
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: can carry on. They can on snapchat, on Twitter, on Instagram,
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: on on TikTok.
• 12:05
  Speaker 2: They can just carry on. So I agree with it,
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: and he doesn't stop it. Doesn't stop.
• 12:10
  Speaker 7: Even yeah, like you said, when you.
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: Go home, it doesn't stop.
• 12:13
  Speaker 7: It continues.
• 12:14
  Speaker 9: And then they get their friends to do it also,
• 12:16
  Speaker 9: and then you just you.
• 12:18
  Speaker 6: Know, have you have you had a bully apologize to you? Anna? No,
• 12:24
  Speaker 6: is there someone you're waiting?
• 12:25
  Speaker 5: No?
• 12:25
  Speaker 7: No, no, no, you know what.
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: I was never bullying?
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: Can you hear?
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: How are you going to take? But you know, and
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: that's the thing. I wish we were all like that,
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: but we're not. We're not.
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: They're just some people who are conflict adverse. They just
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: it's not their thing. And and those are the ones.
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: That are like trodden on by bullies. I hate it.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: Long were you in cable? What do you think?
• 12:51
  Speaker 7: My thoughts are the person is not having a good
• 12:56
  Speaker 7: night sleep and they want to pull you into their misery.
• 13:03
  Speaker 7: Don't bring me to that. I have gone to therapy.
• 13:07
  Speaker 7: I have healed, and therefore I don't want to open
• 13:10
  Speaker 7: that door.
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: But if you have, if you have healed, and what
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: I mean, does it take anything from you to say
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: you're forgiven.
• 13:21
  Speaker 5: You?
• 13:21
  Speaker 7: Here's the thing. Why are you wanting me to open
• 13:23
  Speaker 7: that door?
• 13:25
  Speaker 5: So just don't don't.
• 13:28
  Speaker 7: Don't, don't don't look for me, don't do anything because
• 13:32
  Speaker 7: because it takes a lot for an individual to forgive
• 13:37
  Speaker 7: a person that never apologized.
• 13:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, and also our eyes worked through it by myself.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: Why do you Why do you need me to work
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: through it for yourself? Work work through it yourself. Don't
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: involve me.
• 13:52
  Speaker 7: Stay in that miserable house by yourself. It's very important
• 13:57
  Speaker 7: that people they look at what they do. Like I
• 14:01
  Speaker 7: said earlier on, there is two voices in your head.
• 14:05
  Speaker 7: There's a good voice and there's a bad one. So
• 14:09
  Speaker 7: immediately when you do something wrong, you know it's wrong.
• 14:12
  Speaker 7: Why did it take you thirty years to apologize?
• 14:16
  Speaker 2: Repeatedly did it? Because the thing about bullying, it's not
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: a one off thing.
• 14:19
  Speaker 3: You you, you repeatedly did it. You repeatedly chose to
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: be this person. And then I worked through it without
• 14:25
  Speaker 3: consulting you. But now you want to consult me so
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: that you can sleep at night.
• 14:30
  Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, I can see Look, I can see it
• 14:32
  Speaker 6: from that side.
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: I personally, I would wouldn't mind if someone found and said,
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: listen here, sorry about what happened there.
• 14:39
  Speaker 6: Hey I was wrong.
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: Can I'm so terrible? Even if I've forgiven you, I
• 14:44
  Speaker 3: wouldn't say I've.
• 14:45
  Speaker 6: Forgiven you, just so you can, so you can face that, just.
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: A few more years, and then I'll call you back.
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: Did I a man? We're going to back to making
• 14:56
  Speaker 2: your morning and the cl on nine four seven