Latest / Murders to Music: Crime Scene to Music Scene (Streamline Events and Entertainment) / Parallel Lives: One Story, Two Strangers

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Parallel Lives: One Story, Two Strangers · Murders to Music: Crime Scene to Music Scene (Streamline Events and Entertainment)

0:00
SPEAKER_00: I uh I was a CH CHP officer for 17 years and uh just recently retired.
0:09
SPEAKER_00: And so I thought I would give a little explanation of that and uh where DJ Rag came from.
0:18
SPEAKER_00: Um, because as I've been building followers, um one of the things I've discovered is when you follow people, they follow you back.
0:27
SPEAKER_00: And so uh some of you know my story, uh many of you do not.
0:32
SPEAKER_00: And so um I I this is uh something I wanted to put out to just um kind of show some awareness of of law enforcement, why um why I'm making music, uh, why maybe I requested to follow you so you could follow me back.
0:54
SPEAKER_00: And I say that because I just got a message from a guy um on Instagram, and it was like he said something like, You've requested to follow me five times now.
1:04
SPEAKER_00: What what do you want?
1:07
SPEAKER_00: So uh sorry about that.
1:10
SPEAKER_00: Um I uh I was with the CHP for 17 years and just recently retired uh last April on a post-traumatic stress disorder injury.
1:25
SPEAKER_00: Um not exactly the way I saw my career going or how I wanted it to end, but yet here we are.
1:35
SPEAKER_00: And um this badge right here when it when it first came, it was really uh bittersweet for me because this sat right here on my chest for nearly 17 years of dealing with trauma.
1:57
SPEAKER_00: Um at times like in fear of my own life, in fear of somebody else's life, um walking with parents and family as they lost people, and thought I could thought I could deal with it, thought I could um make it through.
2:20
SPEAKER_00: And I learned that for me, my heart just couldn't handle any more trauma.
2:28
SPEAKER_00: And so it's bittersweet for me because um I had to fight to get this badge from the CHP.
2:40
SPEAKER_00: Um, I love the CHP, they're a great organization, and I've worked with some of the most noble, respectable, brave uh human beings you could find, integris, um people that just have your back, that care for people, care for the community.
2:58
SPEAKER_00: Um but what I found is that when you got on a on a psychological disorder, um people just don't understand.
3:09
SPEAKER_00: And the feeling is that you just get cut off and kicked to the curb.
3:13
SPEAKER_00: And so um this badge sat on a on a shelf for too long.
3:21
SPEAKER_00: Um and I knew about it, and I had to I had to reach out and and uh rattle the cages a little bit for some people to let it go.
3:32
SPEAKER_00: And so um it says honor honorably retired on the top of it, and it it cuts deep because um for me it doesn't it doesn't feel like that right now.
3:47
SPEAKER_00: But um getting back to DJ Rad, uh I just think it's important and it's uh um DJ Rad for me is is like therapy.
3:59
SPEAKER_00: And so it's uh my my family laughs at me, makes fun of me, I make fun of myself, but uh it's therapeutic for me to do something that just takes my mind off of what I've had to deal with for the last 17 years.
4:14
SPEAKER_00: And um uh but I want to be for me to be able to process this and just what I've seen and what I've I've seen other officers and just people go through and their own trauma is that um trauma is real and psych and uh mental health is is something not to be taken lightly.
4:39
SPEAKER_00: And um I've I've learned that a lot.
4:41
SPEAKER_00: I'm still learning how to do that and take care of myself and take care of the people around me while I'm taking care of myself.
4:49
SPEAKER_00: Um but uh I don't know if I'll leave this up on on my page or not, but hey, it's my Instagram page, I can do what I want.
4:58
SPEAKER_00: So um anyway, I'm I just thought I'd document a little bit of my journey and uh give you a little context of maybe um you trying to figure out what's up with with this guy starting starting a DJ thing in his uh um a little bit later on in life, a few gray hairs.
5:21
SPEAKER_00: But uh I love it.
5:23
SPEAKER_00: You know, it's it's it brings me so much joy to um just be in community with people and making people smile.
5:31
SPEAKER_00: And I've I've been um in too many situations where people are not smiling, they're not happy.
5:38
SPEAKER_00: Um, they're upset because I've showed up um upset at the circumstances, and it and it just um brings me so much joy to see people dancing and smiling and enjoying each other.
5:55
SPEAKER_00: So with that being said, thanks for listening this far.
6:01
SPEAKER_00: Um my family doesn't know I'm gonna post this and they may tell me to take it down.
6:07
SPEAKER_00: But I just wanted to, for me, uh just being vulnerable is something we need to learn to do together.
6:14
SPEAKER_00: And um and it I think it makes us better as a community.
6:20
SPEAKER_00: And it and you know, what is really on my heart is just openness and awareness of mental health.
6:26
SPEAKER_00: Um, and I think maybe this is the message I want to say, um, since this is going out to people I don't know, is like if you're struggling, um just know you're not alone.
6:38
SPEAKER_00: And um there's so much more in life that's available for you and to you um become a DJ.
6:51
SPEAKER_00: All right, that's it for now.
6:52
SPEAKER_00: Love you guys.
6:54
SPEAKER_00: Take care.
7:27
SPEAKER_01: So, on tonight's episode, this is actually kind of cool.
7:30
SPEAKER_01: We're gonna have a conversation.
7:31
SPEAKER_01: I think some of the best podcasts that I've listened to is when you got two people or three people sitting across the table from each other, just having a conversation.
7:42
SPEAKER_01: Um, it makes it interesting to listen to, and I can tell you that's what we're gonna do tonight.
7:46
SPEAKER_01: So let me tell you how we even got to this show.
7:49
SPEAKER_01: A few days ago, a buddy of mine out of Alaska sends me a screenshot from an Instagram account for this dude named DJ Radd.
7:57
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, who's DJ Radd?
7:59
SPEAKER_01: And it sends me this screenshot, and he says, Do you know this guy?
8:02
SPEAKER_01: And I'm no idea.
8:03
SPEAKER_01: So I click on the video, and it says, in short, he holds a badge up to the camera and says, I was with CHP, California Highway Patrol, for 17 years.
8:13
SPEAKER_01: My career ended due to PTSD, and music saved my life.
8:18
SPEAKER_01: I became a DJ, and now I get to entertain, I get to help people in that world, and it's been, you know, great.
8:25
SPEAKER_01: And this brotherhood that we thought we were a part of is great until you go out with PTSD and then you're abandoned.
8:33
SPEAKER_01: I'm paraphrasing, but that's what he said.
8:35
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, we got the same story.
8:37
SPEAKER_01: So I reach out to him on Instagram and I'm like, hey, can we chat?
8:40
SPEAKER_01: And he calls me up and we get to talking, you know, and uh I was born and raised in Alaska, and I lived in this small town of about five to seven thousand people.
8:49
SPEAKER_01: And this dude is also born in the same tiny town of Alaska.
8:54
SPEAKER_01: We lived literally in the same blocks.
8:56
SPEAKER_01: We know the same people, I'm sure, if we start digging.
8:59
SPEAKER_01: And he moved away when he was four.
9:01
SPEAKER_01: He and I were born the same year, we're the same age.
9:03
SPEAKER_01: We have the same life, the same careers, the same kids, the same life, all of that stuff.
9:08
SPEAKER_01: And we're gonna get into all of that tonight, guys.
9:10
SPEAKER_01: So I can tell you, this is gonna be a raw and evolving conversation because I don't know the answers to the questions that I'm about to ask.
9:18
SPEAKER_01: This is literally gonna be like a police interview where I don't know what I'm gonna get next, but we're just gonna keep digging and overturn rocks.
9:23
SPEAKER_01: His name's Matt.
9:24
SPEAKER_01: Matt, thank you so much for being on the show tonight.
9:27
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
9:28
SPEAKER_00: It's good to be here.
9:29
SPEAKER_00: And uh yeah, interesting how how our lives overlap.
9:35
SPEAKER_00: And it's like it's in a way, it's like looking myself in the mirror.
9:39
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I dude, I hear you, man.
9:40
SPEAKER_01: It's it's so awesome.
9:42
SPEAKER_01: Um, I'm glad that my buddy's name's Keith in Alaska.
9:46
SPEAKER_01: And Keith, I love you, bro.
9:47
SPEAKER_01: And uh Keith is the one that sent this you know message to me.
9:50
SPEAKER_01: And I thought, well, maybe Keith knows you.
9:52
SPEAKER_01: So I reached out to Keith and I'm like, Do you know him?
9:54
SPEAKER_01: He's like, I've got no idea who he is.
9:55
SPEAKER_01: I just saw him and you guys have a similar story.
9:58
SPEAKER_01: Like, so way cool, man.
10:00
SPEAKER_01: That's funny.
10:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
10:01
SPEAKER_01: Well, dude, tell me about yourself.
10:03
SPEAKER_01: So um were your parents from Alaska?
10:06
SPEAKER_01: Were you just born there and moved away?
10:07
SPEAKER_01: I mean, let's start in the beginning, you know, and uh let's go from there.
10:11
SPEAKER_01: So, how did you end up in Alaska?
10:13
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, so my parents back in the mid-70s, uh essentially like a lot of people ended up in Alaska because they were looking for uh an adventure, something new.
10:25
SPEAKER_00: And so they landed in a small town called Taukeetna.
10:31
SPEAKER_00: That's the town I was trying to remember when we were talking on the phone, Tauquitna.
10:35
SPEAKER_00: And um, they ended up buying like five acres from the Alaska Railroad, or I think it was 10 acres.
10:43
SPEAKER_00: And at the time, the Alaska Railroad was selling these plots of land super cheap so that they could get people out in the far reaches of the railroad line and sell tickets.
10:57
SPEAKER_00: So I I want to say they it was like$5,000 for five acres, and they got two two five-acre plots.
11:06
SPEAKER_00: Um so they built uh, first of all, they they moved out with their um infant child, my oldest brother, and camped and chopped down trees and built a cabin out of those trees.
11:21
SPEAKER_00: And so uh so the plot of land that they have, we just we just went back about five years ago and visited this cabin that's still there but but disintegrating into the ground.
11:33
SPEAKER_00: And just a beautiful picture of um of Denali.
11:38
SPEAKER_00: Back then it was called Mount McKinley and the background, just beautiful.
11:42
SPEAKER_00: Um uh so that was my parents.
11:45
SPEAKER_01: And then about so Matt, is it still your homestead, bro?
11:47
SPEAKER_01: Do you do you guys still own that?
11:50
SPEAKER_00: No, it's uh they they sold it in around 1977, I believe.
11:56
SPEAKER_00: And I I want to say that the the same family that bought it back then still owns it today.
12:02
SPEAKER_01: That's cool.
12:03
SPEAKER_01: Sorry to cut you off.
12:04
SPEAKER_01: Go ahead, buddy.
12:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
12:05
SPEAKER_00: So uh so we visited there about five years ago, jumped on the Alaska Railroad, said, can you let us off at such and such mile marker?
12:16
SPEAKER_00: They stopped this massive train in the middle of nowhere and we jumped off.
12:20
SPEAKER_00: And uh it was a trip, dude.
12:23
SPEAKER_00: It was the the we've heard stories about this place our whole lives.
12:27
SPEAKER_00: And uh so we were able to go go visit there.
12:30
SPEAKER_00: This this guy that lives out there named Paul, call him Mountain Paul, shows up at the railroad with a shotgun around his sh with uh his shoulder and uh meets us there and takes us up to where this cabin is at.
12:43
SPEAKER_00: And uh trippy, my sister was born out there on a on the on the kitchen table, uh, which is still there.
12:52
SPEAKER_00: Um and like items from when they lived there were still out.
13:00
SPEAKER_00: My mom's sewing machine was there.
13:02
SPEAKER_00: There was this orange jacket sitting up or hanging up on this on this uh coat rack and pots and pans.
13:10
SPEAKER_00: It was like it was like somebody was there and left to go grab something and just never came back, dude.
13:18
SPEAKER_00: It was it was trippy.
13:19
SPEAKER_00: Um so that's what brought them there.
13:22
SPEAKER_00: And then a few years later, they felt the need to move into town, um, probably just because of resources.
13:28
SPEAKER_00: And uh they ended up buying a uh house in a um town called uh Kenai.
13:35
SPEAKER_00: And that's where I was born.
13:36
SPEAKER_00: I was actually born in Soldatna, which neighbors Kenai, um, which is where you're from.
13:43
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
13:44
SPEAKER_00: And so, yeah.
13:45
SPEAKER_00: So uh so born in Kenai or Soldatna in the in the hospital there, lived in Kenai for the first four years of my life.
13:54
SPEAKER_00: And then um my dad ended ended up selling the house and his business at the time called Service Master, and uh bought this big army bus and converted it into uh um living quarters for for my mom and my dad and the five siblings, so seven of us, and we hit the road and uh eventually made our way to California.
14:18
SPEAKER_01: Nice man.
14:19
SPEAKER_01: So then you so when I was born and raised in Kenai, I was born in Anchorage, uh, raised in the Kenai area.
14:26
SPEAKER_01: Uh so I was there at the same time.
14:28
SPEAKER_01: You're four years old.
14:29
SPEAKER_01: We're both born in 1978.
14:31
SPEAKER_01: We're both the same age.
14:32
SPEAKER_01: We were literally running around the same town, shopping at the same grocery store cars in Kenai at you know our young little uh baby ages, it's that is really, really crazy.
14:43
SPEAKER_01: When you went back five years ago, how much had Kenai changed from your memory, or do you even have any memories of it early on?
15:46
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I you know, I had some vague memories and uh, you know, lots of pictures and lots of stories.
15:55
SPEAKER_00: And so from what my little mind remembered back then and going to this neighborhood where we lived, um, looked about how I would have expected.
16:09
SPEAKER_00: Um the the house next door, um where some friends of ours lived at the time and had kids that we played with and all that is a coffee shop now.
16:19
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, Veronica's.
16:21
SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah, and you you know Veronica.
16:24
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, totally.
16:25
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
16:26
SPEAKER_00: It's a really cool coffee shop, actually.
16:28
SPEAKER_00: Super cool.
16:29
SPEAKER_00: Um, that whole area uh has a beautiful view of the Cook Inlet.
16:33
SPEAKER_00: Um, so we went down there and uh it was uh when we were there, um, what was it, five years ago?
16:40
SPEAKER_00: It was during a salmon run.
16:42
SPEAKER_00: And I guess there's like two weeks out of the year, yeah, where if you're you're like like local Alaskan, you can you can catch as much salmon as you can catch in a net.
16:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
16:54
SPEAKER_01: So what he's talking about is is dip netting.
16:56
SPEAKER_01: And um, yeah, totally for for like two weeks out of the year, you can go out there and you can either wade out in the water with a salmon net that's six feet across, you know, six feet across and five feet, eight feet deep, or you can get into boats and put these nets down in the water.
17:10
SPEAKER_01: And you go out there and you just hold your net in the water, you fill it with salmon and bring it up, dump it on the shore, and go back and do it again.
17:16
SPEAKER_01: And um, you're absolutely right.
17:18
SPEAKER_01: So from your old house, when you overlook that bluff, in the summertime, there could be an additional 20,000 people standing down there in the water catching those fish.
17:27
SPEAKER_01: Is that what it was like when you were there?
17:29
SPEAKER_00: That's exactly what it was like.
17:30
SPEAKER_00: It was trippy.
17:31
SPEAKER_00: I I I've I'd never heard of this before.
17:34
SPEAKER_00: And so uh yeah, we were down there, and the way these nets are with the poles and this net on one side, and yeah, like literally like piles of fish.
17:43
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's the craziest thing.
17:45
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, we used to do it growing up.
17:47
SPEAKER_01: I used to go out in boats and do it, and we would catch so much fish that there was fish, you know, 18 inches deep in the boat.
17:53
SPEAKER_01: So we got a 20-foot skiff, there's six of us on it, whatever, and there's literally fish up to our knees, and we're just pulling more fish in.
18:00
SPEAKER_01: And then you go home and you know, um clean all the fish, and you've got fish for the winter.
18:04
SPEAKER_01: It's it's so it's so awesome.
18:07
SPEAKER_01: Um, that's way cool, man.
18:09
SPEAKER_01: That's home.
18:10
SPEAKER_00: Dude, Alaska was like, I could easily live up there.
18:14
SPEAKER_00: It's it's it's so I live here in uh Northern California, it's called the Humboldt County.
18:19
SPEAKER_00: Um, you've probably heard of Humboldt County because you're a West Coast guy.
18:22
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
18:22
SPEAKER_00: Um we're like usually people don't know us until we say like we're like the marijuana capital of the world, and they'll be like, oh, that Humboldt County.
18:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
18:32
SPEAKER_01: It's either Humboldt County or Kenai, Alaska, one of the two.
18:35
SPEAKER_01: The two marijuana capitals.
18:36
SPEAKER_01: And you'd happen to live in them both.
18:37
SPEAKER_01: I see the common denominator.
18:39
SPEAKER_00: Dude.
18:39
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
18:40
SPEAKER_00: So, but it's uh Alaska for me felt a lot like Humboldt County, my home now.
18:45
SPEAKER_00: So um yeah, just loved it.
18:49
SPEAKER_01: That's so cool, man.
18:50
SPEAKER_01: So you ended up moving down to California and you grew up in the California area, is that right?
18:55
SPEAKER_02: Yep.
18:55
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
18:56
SPEAKER_01: And went to school there and all that.
18:58
SPEAKER_01: How was that experience growing up in California?
18:59
SPEAKER_01: I mean, I've never lived there.
19:00
SPEAKER_01: I've heard it.
19:01
SPEAKER_01: It's like super liberal and you know, laws and restrictions and everything causes cancer.
19:07
SPEAKER_01: How was it growing up in that environment?
19:09
SPEAKER_00: It's, you know, I don't really know anything different, but um there's there's quite a difference between Northern California and Southern California.
19:17
SPEAKER_00: And it's like so different that it could easily be a different state.
19:22
SPEAKER_01: Really.
19:23
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, when people, especially if they've never been to California or they've never been to the United States, have this picture of California, these beautiful beaches, sandy beaches, sun's always out.
19:34
SPEAKER_00: Uh up in Northern California, we're we're in the heart of the redwoods.
19:38
SPEAKER_00: And so we have, you know, trees that are several hundred feet tall, some of the tallest trees in the world, some of the biggest trees in the world, uh over a thousand years old, a lot of them.
19:48
SPEAKER_00: And um and the climate is just different.
19:51
SPEAKER_00: It's it's a lot more, we get a lot more rain.
19:54
SPEAKER_00: Um a nearby town called Arcata, California.
19:58
SPEAKER_00: When people come and visit, they feel like they were dropped right back in the 1970s just because of the hippie culture that's up there.
20:06
SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
20:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
20:08
SPEAKER_00: So it's, you know, uh, we are extremely liberal.
20:12
SPEAKER_00: Um the last uh conservative governor we had was Arnold Schwarzenegger, who was my boss when I first got on with the CHP.
20:21
SPEAKER_00: Um and uh yeah, so it's, you know, it's um we like to regulate everything, you know, guns, registration is like some of the highest you'll ever pay, property taxes.
20:35
SPEAKER_00: I mean, we have some of the highest taxes in the United States, um, probably some of the most laws in the United States, uh, which ends up being, you know, interesting when you're you're hired on to enforce them.
20:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, totally.
20:49
SPEAKER_01: So you so you you're married, correct?
20:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
20:53
SPEAKER_01: And you have three children?
20:54
SPEAKER_00: 27, 27 years this year.
20:57
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
20:58
SPEAKER_01: I'm 27 years this year.
20:59
SPEAKER_00: Dude, 1999.
21:01
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, me too.
21:02
SPEAKER_01: What's your wedding date?
21:03
SPEAKER_00: It's uh August 14, August 14th.
21:06
SPEAKER_01: I'm January 2, uh 1999.
21:08
SPEAKER_01: So we just celebrated our 27th anniversary, man.
21:11
SPEAKER_01: Everything about you and I uh we have in common is crazy.
21:14
SPEAKER_01: How old are your kids, bro?
21:16
SPEAKER_00: So I've got um, I'll go youngest first, he's 14, my son.
21:20
SPEAKER_00: And then I've got a daughter who's 20, and then my oldest daughter is 22.
21:25
SPEAKER_01: Gotcha.
21:25
SPEAKER_01: I've got a 16, 19, 20-year-old.
21:28
SPEAKER_01: So daughter, son, son.
21:30
SPEAKER_01: Uh my two oldest are boys.
21:32
SPEAKER_01: So that's way cool.
21:34
SPEAKER_01: So you got married.
21:36
SPEAKER_01: Obviously, you were married long before you were cop.
21:38
SPEAKER_01: When did you become a cop?
21:40
SPEAKER_00: 2008 is when I went into the academy, April of 2008.
21:45
SPEAKER_00: And uh, like I will say, you know, for for the the my friends and family that knew me growing up, dude, I was not the profile who would ever be a cop.
21:56
SPEAKER_00: Like I was I was a skater punk rocker, uh, you know, like the kind of the edgy, rebellious side of life, made fun of cops, ran from the cops.
22:07
SPEAKER_00: Like, so when it when it came and and I ended up applying in in the academy and then moved on to being an officer, it it all the way till the end, it was it was just like, how did my life take this path?
22:21
SPEAKER_00: You know, and so I, you know, don't have any any family that are background in cops, not even like military, you know.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: Um so yeah, it just was was uh one thing led to the next.
22:36
SPEAKER_00: And um at the time the CHP was, and you you know something about going through the backgrounds process, and I'm sure it's it varies by agency to agency, but these days it I mean, there's there's people that can it's they're two years later, they still haven't gotten through.
22:50
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, totally.
22:51
SPEAKER_00: Well, when I got hired in 2008, the CHP was um on a on a Massive hiring spree.
22:59
SPEAKER_00: And I was from the point of applying to showing up or getting the invitation to the academy of six months and just flew through backgrounds.
23:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it was it was quick.
23:12
SPEAKER_01: So what made if you grew up a punk rocker, and I know we play music and you play music, I play music.
23:17
SPEAKER_01: We'll talk about that in a second.
23:19
SPEAKER_01: But I mean, if you grew up anti-not anti-law enforcement, but definitely not, you know, that wasn't your lifelong dream.
23:25
SPEAKER_01: How did you end up there?
23:25
SPEAKER_01: How'd you end up applying?
23:27
SPEAKER_01: What was the catalyst for that?
23:29
SPEAKER_00: So at the time I was a building contractor, had my you know, my license, um, kind of just launching.
23:35
SPEAKER_00: I wasn't even 30 yet.
23:37
SPEAKER_00: And we my brother and I have a childhood friend who became a CHP officer.
23:44
SPEAKER_00: And um he had sort of basically recruited my brother.
23:48
SPEAKER_00: So my brother applied, got in the academy, and it was when he got in the academy that he was talking, trying to talk me into becoming a cop.
23:56
SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, not my thing.
23:57
SPEAKER_00: I'm I've got my my construction job.
24:00
SPEAKER_00: Well, if you remember back in 2008, the whole um housing crisis.
24:04
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
24:05
SPEAKER_00: And so so when I applied, it hadn't quite hit, but you could you could feel it coming.
24:09
SPEAKER_00: And um, so you know, we my wife and I were thinking like 30 years down the road, like that these are right now is we the time we need to make decisions that will um will pay off, you know, when we're 60.
24:22
SPEAKER_00: And so we I applied.
24:25
SPEAKER_00: Um, like I said, got in super quick and um uh was a little bit hesitant at the beginning.
24:32
SPEAKER_00: And then as soon as I I got the application in, got accepted into the academy, um, a week before I I started my academy, my my brother, who would have been my senior in the academy, um, ended up uh essentially not making it through the academy.
24:51
SPEAKER_00: So I show up a week after he leaves, and um uh I thought I was gonna be following in his footsteps.
24:59
SPEAKER_00: He's my younger brother.
25:00
SPEAKER_00: Well, I end up making it through the academy.
25:03
SPEAKER_00: Um, start my first, my first uh my first office was in Culver City, which is uh Los Angeles.
25:10
SPEAKER_00: It's it's like West Los Angeles, um, right near the the LAX.
25:14
SPEAKER_00: And um here I am, a small town guy, massive, one of the biggest cities in the world, uh, one of the biggest freeways in the world, the 405 freeway.
25:23
SPEAKER_00: It has some areas it has seven or eight lanes of freeway.
25:27
SPEAKER_00: And so one and that's one direction.
25:30
SPEAKER_00: And uh so you think about trying to pull somebody over in the number one lane and trying to get them over seven lanes of traffic to the shoulder.
25:37
SPEAKER_00: That's dude, it was it was a trip.
25:40
SPEAKER_00: Um and then my brother ended up going in the construction route.
25:44
SPEAKER_00: So we kind of we kind of flip-flopped.
25:48
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, totally.
25:49
SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
25:50
SPEAKER_01: So you were so you became a cop.
25:52
SPEAKER_01: So you hit the road in what?
25:53
SPEAKER_01: If you start in 2008, 2009, you hit the road?
25:57
SPEAKER_00: So I graduated on Halloween, like October 31st, 2008 was my graduation date.
26:04
SPEAKER_00: Um, there was like a 10-day, you know, 10 days before you have to report to your first office.
26:10
SPEAKER_00: Um, so my wife and I made a quick trip down to Los Angeles, like had like literally like an afternoon to find a place to live.
26:18
SPEAKER_00: So we ended up in um uh uh Sherman Oaks.
26:23
SPEAKER_00: It's uh it's right at the intersection of the 405 freeway and the 101 freeway.
26:28
SPEAKER_00: Um it's about 20 miles from the the office that I was working at at the time.
26:33
SPEAKER_00: And uh, dude, we were like we were not, it was, it felt big and and it honestly it felt scary.
26:40
SPEAKER_00: Like I was I was scared as a new officer to to go out into this massive city that I don't even know.
26:49
SPEAKER_00: I don't I don't know my way around.
26:52
SPEAKER_00: Um and you know, you it's like that first day you you're you're on your own, you make it through FTO, and they give you the car keys, and you're like, dude, I don't I don't know what I'm doing, but I'll figure it out.
27:08
SPEAKER_01: Figure this out as you go.
27:09
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
27:10
SPEAKER_01: So if I'm my math is right, you've got a five-year-old at this point when you start uh 2009?
27:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, right about that.
27:17
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
27:17
SPEAKER_01: Five-year-old-ish.
27:18
SPEAKER_01: Five-year-old.
27:19
SPEAKER_01: Um so when I came down to do my testing, I come from you know, I'm a cop in Kenai, right?
27:25
SPEAKER_01: By this time, there's 7,000 people, 7,500 people in the town.
27:29
SPEAKER_01: I've been a cop there nine years.
27:31
SPEAKER_01: In the summertime, we get that extra 20,000 people we spoke about, but they all go home.
27:35
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
27:35
SPEAKER_01: And uh I'm used, you know, I'm kicking ass as a 7,500-person town cop, you know, and I'm writing 60 tickets a day and I'm hated by everybody, and I think I'm doing everything right.
27:45
SPEAKER_01: So then I come down to the Portland, Oregon area, and I come down from my testing process, and uh I go on a ride along, and I get off the ride along that night at like one in the morning or something, and I don't know my way around the city of Portland.
27:59
SPEAKER_01: It's the biggest city I've ever been in, you know, and um, but I'm all excited.
28:03
SPEAKER_01: And I get in the rental car and I'm trying to drive back to my hotel.
28:06
SPEAKER_01: And you talk about being scared and figuring stuff out.
28:09
SPEAKER_01: So I'm trying to drive back to my hotel, and uh I take a wrong turn and I end up on what's Sandy Boulevard, and Sandy Boulevard runs diagonally through the city, and it's got, you know, it's it's a pretty crappy part of town.
28:43
SPEAKER_01: And I remember driving along Sandy Boulevard that night at O Dark 30, and I see these traffic stops.
28:49
SPEAKER_01: Well, I've been on hundreds of traffic stops, but mine are like, you know, one police car, one bad guy car, and that's it.
28:54
SPEAKER_01: Well, every traffic stop has got three or four cars, cop cars behind it, you know, and there's drug units and there's freaking dogs running and all this stuff.
29:01
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, what the hell kind of city am I getting into?
29:04
SPEAKER_01: Like, am I cut out for this?
29:05
SPEAKER_01: I remember having those feelings.
29:07
SPEAKER_01: And I'm like, it's same kind of same thing like you.
29:09
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, well, I don't know what I'm doing, but I'll figure this out, you know.
29:12
SPEAKER_01: And then fast forward, I come down, I get hired, and you know, you just figure it out, right?
29:16
SPEAKER_01: You adapt to that big city, you adapt to that seven-lane freeway, and you just figure out how to do things.
29:21
SPEAKER_01: Um but yeah, it was scary for me as well.
29:23
SPEAKER_01: I'm like, man, I don't, you know, there's everybody's got three cover cars, and I don't understand why, you know, because I was in Gangville, it was in Shitland.
29:32
SPEAKER_01: But um, so that's kind of cool.
29:34
SPEAKER_01: So you uh you were a cop for 17 years, right?
29:38
SPEAKER_00: Uh yes.
29:40
SPEAKER_00: So I was I was I was active for 15, and then we'll probably get into my story of what caused me to go off work, but sure.
29:48
SPEAKER_00: Um I was off work for um uh a little over a year and a half, maybe closer to two years, yeah.
29:57
SPEAKER_00: So um so all what by the time I retired, it was it was it was 17 years.
30:04
SPEAKER_01: So what um did you do in your career?
30:06
SPEAKER_01: I've never been state trooper, I've never been, you know, highway patrol.
30:09
SPEAKER_01: What was your career like?
30:10
SPEAKER_01: I know what mine was.
30:11
SPEAKER_01: I was domestic violence and ended up being homicide child abuse detectives.
30:15
SPEAKER_01: What was your career like?
30:16
SPEAKER_01: What did you do on it on the daily?
30:18
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, people who know of the highway patrol have, you know, it's what you see of the highway of the California Highway Patrol is is when you're driving around California and seeing units making traffic stops and forcing speed, um, that kind of thing.
30:37
SPEAKER_00: But there's really like so much more to the CHP because uh back in 1995 there was California State Police and there was the CHP, and they they merged the two.
30:47
SPEAKER_00: So back since 1995, the CHP has has become the state police.
30:53
SPEAKER_00: So we protect the governor.
30:55
SPEAKER_00: Um we have multiple like governor protective units, um uh computer crimes, like like anything that a police agency would handle, the CHP does.
31:04
SPEAKER_00: Um so for me, when I first started on my job, it was uh the first year as with just about every single officer, is you you just work the road, and usually it's graveyard weekends.
31:16
SPEAKER_00: So that's where I started.
31:17
SPEAKER_00: Um I was paired up with a super senior guy and uh quickly, quickly realized uh why I was paired up with him is because like why is this guy who's been on the job for 25 years get stuck with me?
31:31
SPEAKER_00: Um well, it was because nobody else wanted to work with him.
31:35
SPEAKER_00: And I quickly, quickly learned why.
31:39
SPEAKER_00: But uh he it was we worked well together and had fun together, but uh dude, yeah, um uh sketchy situations that probably could have got me in trouble.
31:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, totally.
31:50
SPEAKER_00: So we got through that.
31:52
SPEAKER_00: Um so after the year in Los Angeles, we moved back, tried to move back home.
31:56
SPEAKER_00: I ended up in a small uh area office called Garberville.
32:01
SPEAKER_00: It's about an hour south of us.
32:04
SPEAKER_00: And if, you know, talking about like Humboldt County being the capital of whatever marijuana and in Kenai, um Garberville would be the capital of Humboldt County, which is the capital of the world in marijuana.
32:18
SPEAKER_00: So it's like the center of the center.
32:20
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
32:20
SPEAKER_00: And and I showed up, um, I showed up there in 2010, and it was just around the time when the discussion around whether we were gonna legalize marijuana, um, that that that conversation was happening.
32:35
SPEAKER_00: And it was interesting being a cop in that in that time and being in an area that is on the map um and exists because of marijuana.
32:46
SPEAKER_00: Uh every hardware store, grocery store um is funded by essentially the marijuana industry.
32:55
SPEAKER_00: And so uh uh anybody you run into, good or bad, is in it somehow.
33:03
SPEAKER_00: You know, you m you meet somebody who you're like, now this is a great person.
33:07
SPEAKER_00: I'd love to hang out with them.
33:08
SPEAKER_00: They're they're in, they have some hand in the marijuana industry at the time.
33:12
SPEAKER_00: So um that was interesting.
33:14
SPEAKER_00: Um but what what was interesting about about that conversation of of whether it was gonna be legalized or not was the those that were working in the industry at the time were scared that it would get legalized because they they knew that as soon as this thing gets legalized, it's gonna, you know, the bigger, bigger companies are gonna start growing it in mass amounts.
33:39
SPEAKER_00: And um and there's not gonna be any more black market and the price is gonna go down and shut everybody down, which is what happened.
33:49
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
33:49
SPEAKER_00: So yeah.
33:51
SPEAKER_01: So and that was what year did you say that was, man?
33:54
SPEAKER_00: That was uh 2010 to 2013.
33:57
SPEAKER_00: I was in Garberville.
33:58
SPEAKER_01: Gotcha.
33:59
SPEAKER_01: So during that time, were you were you a road trooper or were you a road highway patrol?
34:03
SPEAKER_01: What were you doing during that time?
34:04
SPEAKER_00: Aaron Powell So about half the time I I worked the road for about a year and a half.
34:08
SPEAKER_00: I got stuck in that office because at the uh right around 2011, the CHP had a two-year hiring freeze.
34:16
SPEAKER_00: And I don't know if you have ever been at an agency with a hiring freeze, but what happens, what happened in our case is um transfers also freeze.
34:24
SPEAKER_00: Because if if they keep transfers active with no backfill, you get officers moving around to different area offices and it it quickly comes out of balance.
34:34
SPEAKER_00: So there was a there was a transfer freeze.
34:37
SPEAKER_00: I was stuck there for another two years, so three years total.
34:40
SPEAKER_00: And um after about a year and a half, I became the public information officer for that office.
34:45
SPEAKER_00: So and it, you know, honestly, out of all the things I've done with the CHP, that I I loved it.
34:50
SPEAKER_00: It was, you know, going to going to classrooms and talking to kids about, you know, the basics of you know wearing a seatbelt and drunk driving and all that.
34:58
SPEAKER_00: So it was cool.
34:59
SPEAKER_00: Gotcha.
35:00
SPEAKER_01: Gotcha, gotcha.
35:01
SPEAKER_01: And then, so you're back on the road after that.
35:03
SPEAKER_01: Um, tell me about kind of how your career, uh the the peak of your career, what was the absolute pinnacle?
35:10
SPEAKER_01: And then tell me about the downside of that after the the fall of your career.
35:16
SPEAKER_00: So I um transferred up to the Arcada CHP office in 2013.
35:20
SPEAKER_00: So at this point, I had uh about five years on, um, four or five years, four and a half years.
35:28
SPEAKER_00: And the that was about the time I started thinking like I want to promote here pretty soon.
35:33
SPEAKER_00: Um although looking back, four and a half years isn't a whole lot of time, but uh long enough to promote.
35:40
SPEAKER_00: So um so I was thinking about that, kind of preparing my mind for testing.
35:44
SPEAKER_00: I actually ended up testing um total of three times and finally on the third time promoted.
35:51
SPEAKER_00: Um I'm not a good test taker.
35:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
35:55
SPEAKER_00: And so um, you know, talking about the pinnacle, like my my highest point, I think, was when I came back up to the Arcata CHP office.
36:04
SPEAKER_00: I was once again the public information officer there.
36:07
SPEAKER_00: But what was cool about that role is I was that was that was a hundred percent of what I did.
36:13
SPEAKER_00: And so um so I was kind of in control of my day.
36:16
SPEAKER_00: There was, there was no, I mean, I had to check in with sergeants and things, but they were just kind of like, what are you doing?
36:22
SPEAKER_00: All right, go do that, you know.
36:23
SPEAKER_00: And so, so I did a lot of um, you know, a lot of media relations, getting to know a lot of the local media, um, getting in schools, probably talked to over that that whole period, probably over 2,000 kids.
36:37
SPEAKER_02: Wow.
36:38
SPEAKER_00: Um, so just went from high school to high school to high school, just giving different classes, driver's education classes, that kind of thing.
36:45
SPEAKER_00: Anybody, anytime anybody, any uh, you know, community group, you know, um uh needed wanted a speaker from our office, that that was me.
36:57
SPEAKER_00: Gotcha.
36:58
SPEAKER_00: And and at the time, dude, like like, you know, I wasn't I wasn't a uh public speaker, you know.
37:07
SPEAKER_00: And I remember the first time jumping out like with my uniform on, it was in front of 300 people.
37:12
SPEAKER_00: And uh, dude, I was scared to death, dude.
37:14
SPEAKER_00: But I got through it and it it said I did all right.
37:17
SPEAKER_00: So um, but that I would say that was, you know, that was kind of the peak of really enjoyed that position.
37:25
SPEAKER_00: Um I know, you know, it's the community I grew up in, so I know a lot of people here, a lot of connections, and um so you use those connections to be able to get into certain schools and things.
37:38
SPEAKER_00: Um and then I see back about 20, I want to say 2015, I went back to the road.
37:47
SPEAKER_00: And when I went back to the road, um I loved it.
37:53
SPEAKER_00: Like it was great, it was like freedom, you know, from being working, doing this specialty position where you feel like everybody's trying to pull you in so many different directions.
38:02
SPEAKER_00: And then you just get out and you hit your beat, you know, and you see your sergeant at the end of the day.
38:07
SPEAKER_00: You know.
38:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's great.
38:08
SPEAKER_00: Try to try to try to stay as far away from the office as possible.
38:11
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
38:13
SPEAKER_00: And so um you know, like any other CHP officer, you're taking crashes, you're taking fatals, you're taking, you know, responding to different things, um, you know, traffic stops, you know.
38:28
SPEAKER_00: They they say that there's there's no quota or whatever.
38:32
SPEAKER_00: And you know, technically there isn't, but dude, there's pr there's pressure, you know, to come in with a certain amount, you know.
38:40
SPEAKER_00: And so um so there's always that kind of hanging over your head.
38:44
SPEAKER_00: Um in I'll never forget this date, July 15, 2016.
38:50
SPEAKER_00: I took a crash um that involved an infant.
38:55
SPEAKER_00: And the the dad had basically run over her with a car.
39:05
SPEAKER_00: And when I got the call, I was it was my beat.
39:09
SPEAKER_00: Um, I was just about ready to search a vehicle of a um of a parolee, and I got basically he, it was a it was the his vehicle was reported as driving reckless.
39:23
SPEAKER_00: I was right in the right location, pulled him over.
39:25
SPEAKER_00: He was a parolee and I was about ready to search his car and and just had a feeling I was gonna find something in there.
39:31
SPEAKER_00: Um and you know, as you know, with with parolees, they they they have a lot of reason to run or to try to fight and get away because if we find what we think we might find, they can their parole can be revoked.
39:44
SPEAKER_00: So uh went over the air with it, my sergeant came over and um just got to my location when a call came out of a possible fatality at a local hospital.
39:55
SPEAKER_00: And so I um my when I and it was a it was a child like of a child.
40:01
SPEAKER_00: And so, or they said juvenile, so that could be anybody under 18, I guess.
40:05
SPEAKER_00: Um, and my heart just sunk.
40:07
SPEAKER_00: And so I get up there and it was just a complete nightmare.
40:11
SPEAKER_00: Um it was a complete accident, you know, but but as soon as I walked into this room with this family, I just I I couldn't talk because after I heard the details of what happened, and uh, you know, here I am, the investigating officer.
40:31
SPEAKER_00: There was about six of us there, including my sergeant.
40:34
SPEAKER_00: But I I was the one who had to go in and talk with this family of of just going through this like within hours of this just horrible situation.
40:44
SPEAKER_00: And I remember trying to get through these like precursor sort of DUI questions, and um the the wife's dad was there and he he was about ready to fight me.
40:54
SPEAKER_00: You know, kind of like, how could you ask these questions when this happened?
40:58
SPEAKER_00: You know.
41:00
SPEAKER_00: So I remember trying to write notes down and my hand was shaking and I was like, this isn't working.
41:05
SPEAKER_00: So I just like hit record on my like my memo thing on my phone, and I was just like, I'm gonna record it.
41:11
SPEAKER_00: I can't write anything.
41:12
SPEAKER_00: So I'll just try to get through this the best I can and then um move on.
41:17
SPEAKER_00: So I did, uh no DUI.
41:20
SPEAKER_00: Um and then yeah, so that was that.
41:24
SPEAKER_00: Um it was it was it sucked every day I had to pull open the pictures and the report.
41:28
SPEAKER_00: It was just like I could not be through with that investigation soon enough.
41:35
SPEAKER_00: Well, go ahead.
41:38
SPEAKER_00: So right after that, I remember, you know, thinking and hearing like, you know, when you're struggling and things just, you know, you have a bad incident, like maybe you should reach out, right?
41:48
SPEAKER_00: Well, I never did.
41:50
SPEAKER_01: You never do.
41:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
41:52
SPEAKER_00: And so it was about, you know, I about three months straight of just in this just fog.
41:57
SPEAKER_00: And and just I remember going to church and not just that was all that was on my mind, you know, and couldn't shake it off.
42:07
SPEAKER_00: Um, every time I backed into my driveway, it was like this intense, like feeling like I was gonna hit my own kid, you know.
42:17
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I do know, man.
42:18
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
42:18
SPEAKER_01: What was it about that moment?
42:20
SPEAKER_01: I mean, this obviously wasn't your first fatality working CHP.
42:23
SPEAKER_01: What was it about the moment when you walked into that um hospital room that hit differently than the rest of them?
42:31
SPEAKER_00: Well, the the little girl, she was one and a half years old when it happened, and my son wasn't much older than that.
42:40
SPEAKER_00: And so, you know, I think any of us who are cops can like relate to this thing of when you have a really bad situation like that, and there's like somebody involved, like a fatality of somebody that reminds you of somebody that you're close to or is the same age as your kid or your wife or something, it it hits it hits hard.
43:04
SPEAKER_00: And and that was the case with this.
43:07
SPEAKER_00: So and I just I I you know uh I could just trying to picture myself in that situation as as the dad, as the family.
43:18
SPEAKER_00: And um, you know, it's like me as as the officer in that in that room at that moment, you just you you know, it just it was like it was like, you know, the the room got really small, you know, and I was sweating and um shaking and like here I am supposed trying to be this professional, you know, investigating the situation and just felt like a total wreck.
43:47
SPEAKER_00: Um but yeah.
43:49
SPEAKER_01: So what so that was um I mean that that sounds like and I don't want to put words in your mouth, but it sounds like that's the start of the decline as far as the PTSD, ultimate PTSD diagnosis and leaving the department from 2016, July 15th.
44:04
SPEAKER_01: When did you leave the department?
44:07
SPEAKER_00: So I left, my last day was October 17, 2023.
44:13
SPEAKER_01: Okay.
44:14
SPEAKER_01: So you had quite a few years there.
44:16
SPEAKER_01: How did that PTSD, how did that manifest over that period of time?
44:21
SPEAKER_00: You know, I um like I'm a person of faith, you know, I'm a Christian.
44:27
SPEAKER_00: And I at the time I thought like I'm different than most other officers.
44:32
SPEAKER_00: Like I feel like I'm more, I'm more um resilient, you know, I can I can get beyond this.
44:39
SPEAKER_00: Like if I just give it some time, you know, it'll it'll kind of fade away, you know.
44:46
SPEAKER_00: And um realizing now those were like the most critical moments that I needed to reach out and get help.
44:55
SPEAKER_00: There was a critical uh uh critical incident stress debrief that was on the same day as the funeral for this little girl.
45:05
SPEAKER_00: And the family invited me to go to the funeral, and I felt like it was more important for me to go to this funeral than participate in the CISD.
45:15
SPEAKER_00: Um, to this day, I'm still glad I did that.
45:19
SPEAKER_00: It brought a lot of closure for me.
45:21
SPEAKER_00: And uh, you know, working now now up here in Humble County, it's it's a relatively small community.
45:28
SPEAKER_00: And if you don't know somebody, you know somebody who knows somebody.
45:31
SPEAKER_00: And so when I went to this funeral, there's like several people I knew.
45:35
SPEAKER_00: I ended up knowing the um close friends with the um the midwife who delivered this little girl.
45:44
SPEAKER_00: Uh one of the ladies in our office at the time was this little girl's babysitter.
45:49
SPEAKER_00: Um this family, shortly after this incident, ended up going to the same church as me.
45:55
SPEAKER_00: And so I just kept running into them.
45:58
SPEAKER_00: Um fast forward maybe a year or so, and we find this car on the side of the road, um, hazard lights on.
46:05
SPEAKER_00: I'm an FTO at the time, so I I have my trainee pull over, we're gonna help this lady out.
46:09
SPEAKER_00: Well, when we pull over and this lady gets out of the car, it's the mom.
46:13
SPEAKER_00: And so I get out, she sees me and just breaks down.
46:17
SPEAKER_00: And I decided just like I don't know what else to do.
46:20
SPEAKER_00: I gave her a hug, I said, I'm sorry, and she she, you know, just she just said like it just there's certain things that trigger her that remind her of her daughter.
46:28
SPEAKER_00: Um But I, you know that what what I discovered is working in the I always dreamed of coming back and working close to home.
46:38
SPEAKER_00: But what I found being here is that in every incident I go to, like the first thing, like I'd all the time I'd be like, what kind of car is it?
46:49
SPEAKER_00: What's the license plate number?
46:51
SPEAKER_00: Is it anybody I know?
46:52
SPEAKER_00: You know?
46:54
SPEAKER_00: And several times there were people involved that I knew.
46:59
SPEAKER_00: And I and you know, or you know, I remember this this young girl that was involved in our church.
47:04
SPEAKER_00: Um, her brother got hit and killed, you know.
47:08
SPEAKER_00: Um he was he was 17 years old at the time.
47:12
SPEAKER_00: And so uh she she had to go to the coroner's office to identify his body.
47:17
SPEAKER_00: And so I went with her.
47:19
SPEAKER_00: You know, there was just just thing after thing like that that I didn't realize at the time was um, you know, I I've been explained to it like this like like our capacity for for handling stress is like a bucket, right?
47:32
SPEAKER_00: And so we start, we start our careers and and it's relatively empty.
47:36
SPEAKER_00: And then we have, you know, our first fatality goes in the bucket.
47:40
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, uh maybe the first time we we've we had gotten a fight goes in the bucket.
47:46
SPEAKER_00: You know, all these things c go in this bucket and we just we just kind of contain it, and then eventually it overflows.
47:54
SPEAKER_00: And for me, I didn't see that.
47:57
SPEAKER_00: I didn't feel it until until it started getting within about six months of my me finally going off.
48:03
SPEAKER_00: I was having major panic attacks.
48:06
SPEAKER_00: Um, nobody knew about it.
48:08
SPEAKER_00: I didn't even quite know what it was.
48:11
SPEAKER_00: Um, I knew something was wasn't right.
48:13
SPEAKER_00: So I would just hide it.
48:14
SPEAKER_00: I would go hide in my office.
48:16
SPEAKER_00: This was while I was a sergeant.
48:18
SPEAKER_00: Um there was uh there was a crash I went to that was a head on into a tree where this was 19-year-old kid got killed.
48:28
SPEAKER_00: Um I went to the corner with the coroner to the mom's house to notify her of the death, and it was just like a nightmare.
48:36
SPEAKER_00: Um, of course, ended up knowing, not knowing her, but um one of the officers in our office at the time, it was his nephew.
48:45
SPEAKER_00: So it was just like thing after thing that was too close to home.
48:49
SPEAKER_00: Um, about three months before I went off, I um this was about a month after that head-on into a tree crash.
48:57
SPEAKER_00: Uh, there was another head-on into a tree, and there was it was a young person who was unresponsive.
49:02
SPEAKER_00: And me on the as the as the sergeant on duty heard it and like, okay, I need to go to this call.
49:07
SPEAKER_00: Well, when I get there, um I remember seeing this young girl being pulled out of the driver's seat and responsive.
49:14
SPEAKER_00: And I was just like, it's a shame.
49:16
SPEAKER_00: Like, she's like this looks like another fatality.
49:19
SPEAKER_00: Like, I don't think she's gonna make it.
49:21
SPEAKER_00: And then I asked the officer, hey, let me see her driver's license.
49:23
SPEAKER_00: And she ended up being one of my daughter's friends.
49:26
SPEAKER_00: Um and so I called my wife, pulled over.
49:31
SPEAKER_00: I was just a babbling mess.
49:33
SPEAKER_00: We couldn't even talk, and gained my composure and said, Hey, um, this is who it is.
49:39
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if she's gonna live.
49:41
SPEAKER_00: Need you to call the parents and tell tell them to meet me in the emergency room.
49:45
SPEAKER_00: So I get there, um, and the parents eventually meet up with me.
49:50
SPEAKER_00: It's it's looking at doctors or shaking their head like, I don't know if this is gonna make it.
49:55
SPEAKER_00: Um, well, she ended up making it.
49:58
SPEAKER_00: And so um, she had traumatic brain injury, got flown down to a children's hospital, but she's still involved in our lives to this day.
50:06
SPEAKER_00: That's super cool.
50:07
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
50:08
SPEAKER_00: So it was a great, it was a great ending to that story, but it was still extremely traumatic for me, especially where I was at the time.
50:16
SPEAKER_00: Um and then the final thing for me is I was a sergeant.
50:20
SPEAKER_00: Um, this was in September of 23, uh, when I was on call.
50:25
SPEAKER_00: It was a Sunday morning, and I was I had my guitar in my hand to go lead worship at the church we go to still.
50:31
SPEAKER_00: And dispatch calls, and they said, hey, uh one of your officers went um uh put out a pursuit and then said foot bail, and then we can't get a hold of them on the radio.
50:43
SPEAKER_00: And so this is kind of in a rural part of our county.
50:46
SPEAKER_00: And I um it it didn't at the time it was like, okay, you get far enough away from your car and enough obstacles, yeah, our our radio is cut out.
50:57
SPEAKER_00: So I said, just just I'll stay on the phone, just keep trying to get a hold of them, uh send another allied agency there because there was no other CHP unit on duty in the area.
51:08
SPEAKER_00: Well, as time went on, then dispatch started getting um one or two phone calls of of reports of shots fired.
51:16
SPEAKER_00: And the part of this county, it's still like I was I was I was complacent, is what I what I what I was doing.
51:24
SPEAKER_00: But I was telling myself, oh, just coincidental.
51:27
SPEAKER_00: Like they're out target shooting.
51:29
SPEAKER_00: So I said, where where are these shots coming from?
51:31
SPEAKER_00: And they said it they're coming from right behind the police department out there, uh tribal police department.
51:36
SPEAKER_00: And um I was like, Where where is my officer?
51:40
SPEAKER_00: And they told me and it was the same location.
51:42
SPEAKER_00: And at that point I knew I was like, dude, my heart just sunk.
51:46
SPEAKER_00: I said I'm gonna, you know, be in a route.
51:49
SPEAKER_00: It was an hour drive for me.
51:52
SPEAKER_00: Um and then, you know, I sent, you know, every unit, every allied agency I could, just you know, fired fighters, anybody I can get out there.
52:01
SPEAKER_00: Um so what what ended up happening is this officer um went in foot bail, the guy turned on him at some point, um, essentially ambushed him, and then the the fight was on and the officer was in a fight for his life and ended up shooting and killing this guy.
52:15
SPEAKER_00: Um so I ended up being the on-scene supervisor there.
52:19
SPEAKER_00: And um because of the way the situation is here in California, um, when when an officer um kills somebody, shoots somebody, and they're um they're unarmed, quote unquote unarmed, right?
52:36
SPEAKER_00: Like it's all by legal definition.
52:38
SPEAKER_02: You know.
52:40
SPEAKER_00: Um there might be certain things that we would consider deadly that they would say that's not by our de definition an armed subject, you know.
52:49
SPEAKER_00: So um so the Department of Justice was sent from Sacramento five hours away up to Northern California while we're sitting in this in this shooting scene, just maintaining the scene.
53:02
SPEAKER_00: And you know, the the body's still there, the family's showing up, and and it's starting to get hostile.
53:09
SPEAKER_00: Um and it was I showed up at about eight in the morning and I didn't leave until about seven o'clock at night.
53:16
SPEAKER_00: And so um after that day, there was no checkup on me, there was no CISD that I went to.
53:24
SPEAKER_00: There was no um no conversation about it between me and my commander, very little between me and anybody else in that office.
53:33
SPEAKER_00: And and I felt abandoned, I felt isolated.
53:36
SPEAKER_00: Um after a few days, I realized like I am struggling with this.
53:40
SPEAKER_00: I wasn't the shooter, but you know, it's like you our our our psyche doesn't get to choose.
53:48
SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, I wasn't there at that spot at the time, so therefore I shouldn't be, I shouldn't have I shouldn't have stress, anxiety over the situation.
53:59
SPEAKER_00: But the way our body responds to that kind of thing is you don't get to choose.
54:02
SPEAKER_00: Right.
54:03
SPEAKER_00: You know?
54:03
SPEAKER_00: And so it was about another month uh that went by.
54:07
SPEAKER_00: And then um I I told my therapist who I'd been meeting with, I said, I think I need to like take some time and just separate from the department.
54:15
SPEAKER_00: I'm really struggling.
54:16
SPEAKER_00: And she said, then you need to get off the phone with me right now and call your commander.
54:21
SPEAKER_00: I'll give you a note, tell them that your your therapist said you're you're off for now.
54:26
SPEAKER_00: And then I I ignored her and I was like, nah, I can, I can still do this.
54:30
SPEAKER_00: Like I was like, I don't want to go tell my captain like I'm going off on stretch.
54:34
SPEAKER_01: I get this.
54:35
SPEAKER_00: I was scared to death, man.
54:36
SPEAKER_00: So my wife and I decided, I'm like, okay, I'll transfer and I'll I'll take on a different role.
54:42
SPEAKER_00: Uh maybe that'll help.
54:44
SPEAKER_00: Well, I ran or lasted another three days, and then I had another massive panic attack.
54:49
SPEAKER_00: Um, ended up taking some substance that would have got me fired before I went on shift and um took it to try to manage this major anxiety attack I was having.
55:03
SPEAKER_00: And so um ended up staying up once I got off shift that night, all night, staring at the ceiling, uh, woke up in the morning, told my wife, I'm feeling like a wreck, I can't go to work.
55:13
SPEAKER_00: She took my blood pressure.
55:15
SPEAKER_00: It was like stroke level high.
55:17
SPEAKER_00: Um, took me to the emergency room where they diagnosed me with PTSD and gave me a bunch of medications and told me I wasn't going back to work right now, and that was it.
55:27
SPEAKER_01: Dude, our story is so similar.
55:30
SPEAKER_01: Same thing.
55:31
SPEAKER_01: Uh broken ribs, doctor's office, hospital, high blood pressure, 185 or 145.
55:36
SPEAKER_01: You're not going back to work, blah, blah, blah.
55:38
SPEAKER_01: And, you know, that was the end of my career.
55:40
SPEAKER_01: Wow, man.
55:41
SPEAKER_01: So during all of that time, um, you said you were a Christian, you were playing worship at your church.
55:45
SPEAKER_01: Is that a was that a normal thing for you?
55:47
SPEAKER_01: How long you've been doing that?
55:48
SPEAKER_01: I've been doing that for the last 20-something years.
55:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, dude.
55:51
SPEAKER_00: Um since I was 12 years old, I think I remember, you know, doing my first worship leading thing.
55:57
SPEAKER_00: So it's been twelve to twenty or forty-seven, whatever that is.
56:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, wow.
56:03
SPEAKER_00: 35 years or so.
56:04
SPEAKER_01: That's crazy.
56:05
SPEAKER_01: Did uh during this all of this, did you ever find your faith was tested?
56:09
SPEAKER_01: Did you ever isolate, insulate from the church, withdraw anything like that?
56:14
SPEAKER_00: I don't feel like I did.
56:16
SPEAKER_00: Um, I I was pretty I I felt like, you know, for there wasn't ever a time where I questioned my faith in terms of like, you know, feeling like I was gonna walk away from God or walk away from my church.
56:32
SPEAKER_00: Um just as we are as humans, like there's ups and downs, and times you feel like you're doing better than others and stuff.
56:38
SPEAKER_00: And there were times, you know, just just purely because of schedule, I couldn't get a church for six months, you know.
56:45
SPEAKER_00: Um, but we've always been plugged into a church.
56:48
SPEAKER_00: You know, I was a youth pastor well before all of this for about a year um in a church that ended up splitting.
56:55
SPEAKER_00: But um, so it's always been kind of a part of our DNA to be to be volunteers, to be volunteering with the youth, with the worship team.
57:03
SPEAKER_00: So that's cool.
57:04
SPEAKER_01: That's cool, man.
57:06
SPEAKER_01: What uh so you came out of law enforcement, and how was the separation from the California Army Patrol, CHP?
57:15
SPEAKER_01: How was it?
57:16
SPEAKER_01: Was that a positive experience for you, negative experience?
57:18
SPEAKER_01: Were there struggles?
57:19
SPEAKER_01: Was it a smooth paved road?
57:20
SPEAKER_01: What was that like for you?
57:23
SPEAKER_00: The the day so the day I woke up and I was supposed to show up to work at 7 a.m.
57:30
SPEAKER_00: to lead a training day where officers are gonna show up and it's like an eight-hour training day.
57:35
SPEAKER_00: And so my first thing was like, shoot, what am I gonna say?
57:38
SPEAKER_00: Like, like, like I'm having a psychological breakdown, or like what do I so I was just like, I I texted, I think the captain like him, I'm just I have the flu.
57:49
SPEAKER_00: That's what I said.
57:50
SPEAKER_00: And so um went to the emergency room, they put me off work, and then I think it was the next day or maybe later that day, I texted my captain and was like, hey, they diagnosed me with PTSD and um and hypertension.
58:06
SPEAKER_00: And so um they told me that I'm off work for now.
58:11
SPEAKER_00: And he's like, his response was as little as like copy, period.
58:16
SPEAKER_00: Email me the note.
58:18
SPEAKER_00: That was it.
58:19
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
58:20
SPEAKER_00: And my communication with him was about the only communication I had with that office for the next year and a half.
58:27
SPEAKER_00: Um, and it was it was about to that level.
58:31
SPEAKER_00: Like, like very, you know, the way I felt like it was going was he was choosing his words very carefully.
58:39
SPEAKER_00: Um, as you know, with with internal investigations is absolutely a thing.
58:44
SPEAKER_00: And especially for, you know, people that are that are off work, the longer you're off, the the more, more you probably have a target on your back.
58:53
SPEAKER_00: Um, especially if if paperwork is looking like you're gonna be retired out, you you you're you're gonna start getting some attention.
59:00
SPEAKER_00: And so um that was a huge fear of mine and a huge fear of other people I've talked to that have gone through similar stuff.
59:10
SPEAKER_00: I don't know if that was for you.
59:11
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, totally.
59:12
SPEAKER_00: But yeah, it's like you just you feel like literally like, am I am I being followed?
59:18
SPEAKER_00: You know, is somebody have a camera on me?
59:21
SPEAKER_00: Am I gonna find pictures of myself and an internal investigation?
59:25
SPEAKER_00: Um and the way that my commander was communicating with me like felt like that.
59:32
SPEAKER_00: Like he's he's choosing his words very, very precisely.
59:37
SPEAKER_00: He's not asking me any questions to not violate Peace Officer Bill of Rights.
59:42
SPEAKER_00: Um and I was like, dude, like what am I gonna say if like they they get a picture of me in a public place, like, and I'm saying that I have a hard time being in social events, you know, social situations.
59:55
SPEAKER_00: Like, how do I how do I navigate this?
59:58
SPEAKER_00: And so um through all that, my my therapist was super helpful because her her husband went off on an injury and they did have an internal investigator across the street from his house.
1:00:10
SPEAKER_00: But what she told me is she's like, nobody can get in your mind.
1:00:14
SPEAKER_00: Like, like what you see, like what the outside sees of you isn't what's happening inside.
1:00:23
SPEAKER_00: And they can't, nobody can crawl in your mind and and observe what's going on there.
1:00:29
SPEAKER_00: And so she, you know, she she was confidently assuring me, like, like, you know, you need to you need to take care of yourself.
1:00:37
SPEAKER_00: Like there's a lot of things you can worry about, but worrying about those things that you have zero control over isn't healthy.
1:00:44
SPEAKER_00: But even here in that, it didn't it didn't help.
1:00:48
SPEAKER_01: No, not at all.
1:00:49
SPEAKER_01: Did you deal with the stigma of PTSD and being weak and you know, all that nonsense that comes with it?
1:00:57
SPEAKER_01: Did did that affect you at all?
1:00:59
SPEAKER_00: 100%.
1:01:00
unknown: Yeah.
1:01:01
SPEAKER_00: I mean, it was all of that stuff, dude.
1:01:04
SPEAKER_00: Like like feeling like I'm weak, like I let people down, like I let my family down.
1:01:11
SPEAKER_01: We've all been on we've all been on the same calls.
1:01:13
SPEAKER_01: Why is their bucket only half full and mine's overflowing?
1:01:16
SPEAKER_01: Dude, why am I sitting here?
1:01:17
SPEAKER_00: Every day, dude.
1:01:19
SPEAKER_00: Every day I had that.
1:01:20
SPEAKER_00: Why, why am I sitting here?
1:01:22
SPEAKER_00: There were five other cops that were at that child death.
1:01:25
SPEAKER_00: Why can they keep going and not me?
1:01:27
SPEAKER_00: You know?
1:01:28
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's rough, man.
1:01:29
SPEAKER_01: Um Satan plays.
1:01:30
SPEAKER_00: But you know, there's something, yeah, there was something my my therapist said that really stuck with me, and she said, and it was it was me having these con these conversations like I'm having with you with her.
1:01:41
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, why can't I carry on?
1:01:46
SPEAKER_00: You know, why don't why don't I have enough resilience to go back to work?
1:01:51
SPEAKER_00: And she's like, look, you're gonna quickly learn that as much as they call it a brotherhood and all this, you are an employee number of a very large agency, and you are very quickly replaceable.
1:02:07
SPEAKER_00: And you're gonna quickly learn that that's exactly how the department sees it is I'm a number on paper.
1:02:16
SPEAKER_00: And when I flipped from being a sergeant, overlooking officers, overseeing officers, to out on PTSD, I went from an asset to a liability.
1:02:27
SPEAKER_00: And when you become a liability, like you could, like I said, be have an internal investigation.
1:02:33
SPEAKER_00: You could you could find yourself getting fired or um find yourself in the situation where your your pension won't pick you up on a disability, but your department won't take you back either.
1:02:45
SPEAKER_00: And now you're just without a job.
1:02:47
SPEAKER_00: Um it's a scary place to be.
1:02:50
SPEAKER_00: And like I'm sure you felt the same way, but there's there's no there's no roadmap on where this thing is going, you know.
1:02:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, totally that's totally true, man.
1:02:59
SPEAKER_01: You know, and they were told me the same thing.
1:03:00
SPEAKER_01: They told me I was a number on a profits and loss statement, and their job was to keep the profits column bigger than the loss column.
1:03:06
SPEAKER_01: They were waiting for me to kill myself so they wouldn't have to pay out because they know suicide is a real risk of PTSD, especially in law enforcement and military stuff.
1:03:15
SPEAKER_01: And it was uh, I mean, it was a horrible and disgusting thing.
1:03:18
SPEAKER_01: You give yourself and you give everything and you sacrifice your family and your life, and we turn to vices that is not us, you know, whatever substance you're using, that type of stuff, this isn't us.
1:03:28
SPEAKER_01: But we turn to these things as coping mechanisms because our life is imploding around us, and we would rather go out and save John Q public while we watch our family crumble at home.
1:03:39
SPEAKER_01: And that is what we give because that is just what the cloth that we're cut from, and then when we're injured, and they can't see the broken arm or the blown off legs because we stepped on a landmine and it's mental health injuries.
1:03:52
SPEAKER_01: Now we have to prove ourselves 157 different ways that we are injured and that our injury is real.
1:03:59
SPEAKER_01: And it I can walk down the street with a smile on my face.
1:04:02
SPEAKER_01: It doesn't mean that I'm not thinking about putting a gun in my mouth.
1:04:05
SPEAKER_01: It just means that that picture you caught of me, I have a smile on my face, right?
1:04:10
SPEAKER_01: But people don't understand that until they've been through what we've been through.
1:04:13
SPEAKER_01: I think PTSD is the only injury that I can think of that is a mental health injury where we have to prove it's like it's like we have to prove our innocence.
1:04:24
SPEAKER_01: We have to prove that we're actually injured.
1:04:27
SPEAKER_01: And that is such a disgusting place to be when you're already feeling like you're isolated, insulated on an island by yourself.
1:04:34
SPEAKER_01: The people that used to be your peers haven't picked up the phone and called you in 18 months.
1:04:39
SPEAKER_01: You used to be a part of a system that solved crimes and murders and all this stuff, and you saved people's lives, and those same, you know, you were the hub in this hub and this hub and spoke wheel, and now none of the spokes are connected to you anymore.
1:04:55
SPEAKER_01: You're just literally floating out there in space, and it is a really crappy place to be when you're on the island end of that conversation, you know?
1:05:05
SPEAKER_01: Um it sucks, man.
1:05:08
SPEAKER_01: It it totally sucks.
1:05:09
SPEAKER_01: Well, I'm glad that your faith wasn't tested through it.
1:05:11
SPEAKER_01: Mine has been over the years.
1:05:13
SPEAKER_01: Uh and that's and it's not uncommon for people with PTSD to have their faith tested in a pool and withdraw, isolate, insulate, all that kind of stuff.
1:05:22
SPEAKER_01: So I'm glad you didn't go down that route.
1:05:24
SPEAKER_01: But the one thing that you did was you came out and somehow got involved in this whole DJ thing.
1:05:30
SPEAKER_01: Tell me about becoming a DJ and like this whole music saving your life thing, bro, because that's that's the next chapter.
1:05:36
SPEAKER_01: What's that all about?
1:05:38
SPEAKER_00: So, you know, uh retiring at 46, you know, four years before the you know, 50 CHP can retire as young as 50.
1:05:50
SPEAKER_00: Um it's like, what am I gonna do?
1:05:53
SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, you get to a point where now you don't work for the department anymore, you're not getting that paycheck from them, you're getting some pension, but it's not like enough to to just kick back, nor do I want to.
1:06:05
SPEAKER_00: And so, dude, like my my life was it was just comical, man.
1:06:11
SPEAKER_00: Like I was I I there oh, you might know about this.
1:06:17
SPEAKER_00: There's a place up in Portland called um what's the name of it?
1:06:21
SPEAKER_00: They they make they make like these really high-end s'mores.
1:06:24
SPEAKER_00: You know what I'm talking about?
1:06:25
SPEAKER_01: I do know, yeah.
1:06:26
SPEAKER_01: I work with them all the time because they work with them on the DJ company.
1:06:29
SPEAKER_01: Dude, crazy.
1:06:30
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, the s'mores.
1:06:31
SPEAKER_00: They shut down and now they're yeah, they shut down and they reopened it.
1:06:34
SPEAKER_00: 1927 s'mores.
1:06:35
SPEAKER_01: 1927 s'mores.
1:06:36
SPEAKER_01: How do you know about 1927 s'mores?
1:06:38
SPEAKER_00: So my my brother and sister live up in Portland, and we were walking downtown Portland and past this place, and I was like, what is this going on?
1:06:47
SPEAKER_00: Like the inside of it, they have it, it looks like a cabin, dude.
1:06:50
SPEAKER_00: Like you've been in there, yeah, totally the the rock and the the um the little chunks of firewood right in the middle of the city.
1:06:56
SPEAKER_00: So I was like, we gotta go check this place out.
1:06:58
SPEAKER_00: So we go in and um get get us s'mores, you know, with the the crackers and the the square marshmallow.
1:07:05
SPEAKER_00: And uh they I think the one I got was like um it was like salted bourbon or something, salted bourbon caramel or something like that.
1:07:13
SPEAKER_00: So I was like, this is crazy, dude.
1:07:15
SPEAKER_00: This is like such a good idea.
1:07:17
SPEAKER_00: So I I had time at the time and I went home and I I figured out like how to make these these marshmallows and started like uh do doing this like marshmallow thing just for fun.
1:07:27
SPEAKER_00: I did a few parties and I was like, this is it, man.
1:07:29
SPEAKER_00: Like I'm gonna be a marshmallow, I'm gonna be a s'mores maker.
1:07:32
SPEAKER_02: That's right.
1:07:32
SPEAKER_00: And so yeah, so that I have AD ADHD also.
1:07:37
SPEAKER_00: And so um I quickly have an interest and then I'll jump onto the next thing and the next thing and the next thing.
1:07:44
SPEAKER_00: So uh got bored with that and realized I'm not gonna make money making marshmallows.
1:07:49
SPEAKER_00: So um so I picked construction backup and then uh had an opportunity through a local agency when you go out on a disability.
1:07:59
SPEAKER_00: If if you meet their qualifications, they'll send you back to school.
1:08:02
SPEAKER_00: So I'm like, hey, if you're gonna send me back to school, like would you pay for me to go through audio production school?
1:08:08
SPEAKER_00: And they're like, I kind of had to sell them on a little bit.
1:08:11
SPEAKER_00: And they're like, Yeah, we could do that.
1:08:12
SPEAKER_00: So I I am in audio production school now and I was, you know, I wanted to build a production company, and that's another thing you and I have in common.
1:08:20
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, totally.
1:08:21
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's green.
1:08:22
SPEAKER_00: And so dude, yeah.
1:08:24
SPEAKER_00: So I wanted to to build a uh start a production company where I could set up sound and stage and all that kind of stuff for concerts and things.
1:08:32
SPEAKER_00: Um and so I was like, how do I start?
1:08:35
SPEAKER_00: I was like, I guess I'll I guess I'll like start on the smallest level and like be a DJ, you know, and maybe get in and do some weddings.
1:08:42
SPEAKER_00: But it really actually started out as like a joke, you know, it's just like what's the most ridiculous thing I could do after being a cop?
1:08:49
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, be a DJ, you know.
1:08:51
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, totally.
1:08:52
SPEAKER_00: So it started out as a joke, and then, you know, between me and my family just laughing at silly names.
1:08:58
SPEAKER_00: And, you know, I was I was uh turned 47 and I was like, you know, what do I go with?
1:09:05
SPEAKER_00: Like I'm gonna I'm this old guy now, like DJ Daddy oh.
1:09:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
1:09:11
SPEAKER_00: One of the ideas we we went to this protest in Sacramento, and one of the ladies that was that was a protester was like called my squad like a bitch and a half.
1:09:20
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I like that.
1:09:21
SPEAKER_00: I think I could be like DJ bitch and a half.
1:09:25
SPEAKER_00: Well, then I was like, schools aren't gonna hire me on, you know, like I can't go do like a high like DJ bitch and a half can't go do a high school dance, you know.
1:09:35
SPEAKER_01: Right.
1:09:35
SPEAKER_00: So I was like, DJ Daddy O, DJ Dad.
1:09:40
SPEAKER_00: And then that's where I was like, DJ rad.
1:09:43
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I like that.
1:09:45
SPEAKER_01: That's cool.
1:09:45
SPEAKER_01: Well, that's awesome, man.
1:09:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so super cool.
1:09:49
SPEAKER_01: Um, as we're talking, you know, and so when I came out of law enforcement, I came out and I opened it gave me the bandwidth to open up Streamline and do the DJ stuff and weddings, and that's what I do a lot of, and then this podcast.
1:10:02
SPEAKER_01: And um, so you know, it's been great to help people like on their best days instead of their worst days.
1:10:09
SPEAKER_01: And we spoke about that on the phone.
1:10:11
SPEAKER_01: And then this podcast, even having these open-candid conversations like you and I are having now, somebody's listening to this and they're in your position, they're in my position, they're seeing things from a different view.
1:10:23
SPEAKER_01: Maybe it's this liberal that hates cops, and all of a sudden they're like, holy crap, they're humans as well.
1:10:27
SPEAKER_01: You know what I mean?
1:10:28
SPEAKER_01: So we're shedding some light on something for people, and I think that God gives us all of our pain for a purpose.
1:10:33
SPEAKER_01: And this morning I got up early and I was doing a Bible study, and uh when you were talking earlier, it reminded me of what I was reading this morning, and I was reading 2 Corinthians uh three through six, and it says, All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
1:10:48
SPEAKER_01: God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.
1:10:51
SPEAKER_01: He comforts us in all of our troubles so that we can comfort others when they are troubled.
1:10:55
SPEAKER_01: We will be able to give them the same comfort that God has given us.
1:10:59
SPEAKER_01: For the more we suffer in Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ and allow us to help others.
1:11:06
SPEAKER_01: Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation.
1:11:12
SPEAKER_01: For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you.
1:11:15
SPEAKER_01: Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer.
1:11:18
SPEAKER_01: We are as confident as that in our sufferings as you are in your sharings in your sufferings, we will also share in the comfort that God gives us.
1:11:26
SPEAKER_01: So I mean it's just a great way of saying that all this crap that you and I have been through, um, and we all go through, right?
1:11:32
SPEAKER_01: No matter what walk of life you're in.
1:11:34
SPEAKER_01: You can be a pharmacist, a tow truck driver, a cop, whatever.
1:11:38
SPEAKER_01: We all walk through this pain and these sufferings and these trials and tribulations.
1:11:42
SPEAKER_01: And I think it's so cool that God gives us to that and then gives us a platform or an opportunity to help others.
1:11:49
SPEAKER_01: You know, when we were speaking on the phone, you were talking about the guy you contacted on the street that ended up going to your church, you know, and one day he was the victim's father, and the next day he's your suspect and you arrest him, and then all of a sudden you invite him to church because he mentions faith, and now you guys are in church together, which is a super cool story, and you're passing each other and you're like, man, how did this even happen?
1:12:09
SPEAKER_01: I think it is so cool to be able to use what we've been through our pain for a purpose and to help others.
1:12:16
SPEAKER_01: And at the end of the day, you know, uh you and I are both Christians, and and this is, you know, we can point each other, we can point everybody towards God because that is by all means the faith and the foundation of what has kept us alive for all of these years.
1:12:31
SPEAKER_01: And I think it's so, so cool.
1:12:32
SPEAKER_01: So anyway, what you were saying reminded me of that verse.
1:12:34
SPEAKER_00: But when I when I first went off, it's like I was grabbing at anything that I could find to feel better, you know, to try to feel normal, to try to regulate myself.
1:12:48
SPEAKER_00: It was like it was ramping up to these PTSD symptoms, and then it was like all hell broke loose.
1:12:55
SPEAKER_00: And um nightmares, I still have nightmares probably five, five nights a week.
1:13:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you know, it's like I don't, I don't, I don't get to control that, you know, it's just kind of become a fact of life, you know.
1:13:08
SPEAKER_00: Um, but early on, I was I was um dude, here I threw a little wrench in in the things.
1:13:15
SPEAKER_00: Like I I I did a whole series of ketamine treatments, six of them.
1:13:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
1:13:20
SPEAKER_00: And and it and it was super helpful.
1:13:23
SPEAKER_00: And I was going to therapy and I saw a few different psychologists and all this stuff, and everybody's kind of giving me stuff that I need to do.
1:13:30
SPEAKER_00: And and it was helpful, it was extremely helpful.
1:13:33
SPEAKER_00: But I I went to this um program, it's called Have you heard of Mighty Oaks?
1:13:37
SPEAKER_01: I I dude, I literally wrote it down right there, Mighty Oaks.
1:13:42
SPEAKER_01: Dude.
1:13:42
SPEAKER_01: Wherever the hell it is, right there on that page, Mighty Oak.
1:13:45
SPEAKER_00: And we never talked about this, did we?
1:13:47
SPEAKER_01: No, Mighty Oaks and First Responders Resiliency.
1:13:50
SPEAKER_01: I've been to I've been to both of them.
1:13:52
SPEAKER_00: Dude.
1:13:53
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
1:13:54
SPEAKER_00: Dude, this is getting weird, dude.
1:13:56
SPEAKER_00: So, okay, so I I went to Mighty Oaks in February of 2025 or 24.
1:14:03
SPEAKER_00: And when I went to that program, and you you know how the feeling is, it's like you show up and everybody's got all this baggage and this crazy trauma they're dealing with.
1:14:13
SPEAKER_00: And I was going in, I was like, I'm a Christian, like, you know, I'm here, but I'm I'm gonna be here and listen to other people's stories and like help them out, you know.
1:14:22
SPEAKER_00: And it wasn't, it was like the first night, and God just said, like, you need to, you know, you need to that this is like your opportunity to just open up.
1:14:34
SPEAKER_00: And it we went in the in the small groups like they have after each session and uh we we go around the circle and everybody's talking basically the common theme with every single person with almost without exception was was alcohol and people were on to their second, third wife, marriages falling apart, you know.
1:14:55
SPEAKER_00: And so um, you know, I was like, I'm gonna, you know, I'm good.
1:15:00
SPEAKER_00: Like I drink, but you know, I got it under control.
1:15:04
SPEAKER_00: And it was the first night that I was like, I'm just gonna throw it all out there and it clicked.
1:15:10
SPEAKER_00: I was like, dude, I have a drinking problem.
1:15:12
SPEAKER_00: Like I've been hiding this stuff from my wife.
1:15:15
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, all the all the telltale signs of like it being being a be, you know, abusing it.
1:15:22
SPEAKER_00: And uh so that was it was that that February where I drew a line of the stand, I was like, no more.
1:15:28
SPEAKER_00: I can't, I can't be a casual drinker, I can't slow down.
1:15:31
SPEAKER_00: Like if I dabble in it, it's gonna be a problem.
1:15:34
SPEAKER_00: And um never never looked back.
1:15:37
SPEAKER_00: And so yeah, Mighty Yokes was life-changing for me.
1:15:41
SPEAKER_00: Um just in a I could not say enough amazing things about that program.
1:15:47
SPEAKER_00: But one thing got God showed me is I I went into this thing and it was before I went, I'd read, I think it's in Matthew, the the story of the woman in the in the well.
1:15:55
SPEAKER_00: And Jesus is having a conversation with a Samaritan woman, and she's she's talking about offering Jesus physical water, and Jesus is talking offering her spiritual water.
1:16:07
SPEAKER_00: And when I went to Mighty Oaks, they hit on that verse again, and I was like, this is it.
1:16:12
SPEAKER_00: Like what God is telling me is I'm looking for physical water to to heal myself.
1:16:19
SPEAKER_00: And Jesus is offering spiritual water that is ultimately gonna heal me and save me.
1:16:26
SPEAKER_00: And so um, man, I'll never forget that moment when that just all hit.
1:16:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, um, Mighty Oaks is pretty amazing.
1:16:34
SPEAKER_01: For anybody that doesn't know Mighty Oaks, I actually did a podcast on it.
1:16:38
SPEAKER_01: Go back and listen to it.
1:16:39
SPEAKER_01: I'm not sure what number it is, but it's Mighty Oaks, is what it's all about.
1:16:42
SPEAKER_01: And I tell the whole story about Mighty Oaks.
1:16:44
SPEAKER_01: Mighty Oaks is essentially it is a faith-based resiliency program for PTSD survivors and law enforcement and military.
1:16:51
SPEAKER_01: And it eventually says that you know, no man fights alone.
1:16:55
SPEAKER_01: You have brothers out there, and they have one for women as well, and sisters out there who have walked the same path, and we're all here to hold each other up.
1:17:04
SPEAKER_01: It's pretty awesome.
1:17:04
SPEAKER_01: Well, dude, I really thank you for coming on the show, and I thank you for just taking your time to tell your story and the connections that we have and the uh uncanny uh parallels that we have in this life.
1:17:15
SPEAKER_00: So um, can I can I put a little plug out for my my Instagram page?
1:17:19
SPEAKER_01: Dude, dude, please tell everybody where they can find you.
1:17:22
SPEAKER_00: Um so you saw like a probably the still picture of me holding up this badge.
1:17:27
SPEAKER_00: Well, I did about a six minute um just from start to finish.
1:17:32
SPEAKER_00: Just it was on my heart at the time.
1:17:34
SPEAKER_00: And I I just opened up about kind of kind of um in a nutshell my experience with PTSD in the department.
1:17:41
SPEAKER_00: And so people want to go there, they could watch that.
1:17:43
SPEAKER_00: It's it's the at sign, DJ Rad Official, DJ Rad Official.
1:17:50
SPEAKER_00: And um, there's a little video I put out, and when I put out that video, dude, I'm still getting like messages every single day.
1:17:57
SPEAKER_00: Like one guy just sent me a video of of his story, and he went out because he had a heart attack on the job.
1:18:04
SPEAKER_00: Um all these people are like sending me their stories, and it's like it's just it's it's crazy that I I didn't see this coming.
1:18:13
SPEAKER_00: And now I'm I've got all these people, CHP officers, um, moms of CHP officers that got killed in the line of duty are reaching out to me and just like, hey, I saw your story, it really touched me.
1:18:23
SPEAKER_00: A dispatcher, she's like, I had a hard day, and uh, this is exactly what I needed to hear.
1:18:28
SPEAKER_00: So, dude, like I'm I'm just like entering this world of sharing my story.
1:18:33
SPEAKER_00: You've been doing it for longer now, but it's like you you start realizing people need to hear this, man.
1:18:39
SPEAKER_01: Like, like I said, Matt, dude, thank you so much for coming on the show and being able to share so vulnerably and just tell your story and your expression of faith in your family and the ups and the downs and the shit we don't want to talk about, and the darkness and the substance abuse and all that stuff, man.
1:18:55
SPEAKER_01: I just really appreciate it.
1:18:56
SPEAKER_01: You know, I think all too often in life we get caught up in this stigma of wanting to look good and wanting to look righteous and right and perfect in our peers, in our daily environment, at our workplace.
1:19:11
SPEAKER_01: And sometimes, guys, just like we were talking about earlier, while there's a smile on the outside, you never really know what's going on on the inside.
1:19:19
SPEAKER_01: So, dude, thank you so much for sharing.
1:19:21
SPEAKER_01: I appreciate it, ladies and gentlemen.
1:19:23
SPEAKER_01: That is a murders to music podcast.