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The Narcissist's Greatest Addiction: Controlling Your Mind · Surviving Narcissistic Abuse with Jill Wise

0:00
SPEAKER_00: Welcome back to Surviving Narcissistic Abuse with Jill Wise.
0:04
SPEAKER_00: If you're new here, my name is Jill Wise and I am a narcissistic abuse recovery coach specializing in helping survivors understand narcissistic abuse, trauma bonds, coercive control, and complex PTSD.
0:20
SPEAKER_00: Every week we take a deep dive into the psychology behind these relationships, not just to help you understand the narcissist, but to help you understand what happened to you and most importantly, how to heal from it.
0:36
SPEAKER_00: So whether you're listening in your car, uh taking a walk, or simply trying to make sense of your own experience, I'm so glad you're here.
0:45
SPEAKER_00: Today I want to challenge something that I think almost everyone in the narcissism community believes.
0:52
SPEAKER_00: We've all heard that narcissists are addicted to attention.
0:57
SPEAKER_00: We've heard that they're addicted to admiration, to validation, to narcissistic supply, to power, status, and control.
1:08
SPEAKER_00: And while I certainly believe those things are important to them, I don't think they're actually the deepest addiction.
1:16
SPEAKER_00: I think they're the reward.
1:19
SPEAKER_00: I think they're the outcome.
1:20
SPEAKER_00: The addiction itself is something much more profound.
1:24
SPEAKER_00: I believe the narcissist's greatest addiction is controlling your mind.
1:31
SPEAKER_00: Because once they control your mind, they don't have to control much of anything else.
1:36
SPEAKER_00: If they can get inside your head, if they can influence the way you think, the way you perceive reality, the way you interpret events, and ultimately the way you see yourself, then everything else begins taking care of itself.
1:54
SPEAKER_00: And once I began understanding narcissistic abuse through that lens, so many behaviors that once seemed random or confusing suddenly made perfect sense.
2:07
SPEAKER_00: Think about it for a moment.
2:09
SPEAKER_00: If I wanted to control another human being, I could certainly try to control their actions.
2:15
SPEAKER_00: I could tell them what to wear, where to go, who they can spend time with, or how they should behave.
2:22
SPEAKER_00: But that actually is an inefficient form of control if you think about it, because it requires constant effort.
2:31
SPEAKER_00: I'd have to keep watching you, I'd have to keep correcting you, I'd have to keep enforcing rules.
2:37
SPEAKER_00: But if I can control your mind instead, if I can influence the way you think, then eventually you begin controlling yourself on my behalf.
2:48
SPEAKER_00: You begin questioning your own instincts before I ever have to question them.
2:54
SPEAKER_00: You begin silencing your own voice before I ever have to silence it.
2:59
SPEAKER_00: You begin anticipating my reactions and adjusting your behavior without me even asking.
3:07
SPEAKER_00: That's a completely different level of control.
3:11
SPEAKER_00: And I believe that's exactly what narcissistic abuse is designed to accomplish.
3:17
SPEAKER_00: I want you to think back to the beginning of your relationship because chances are the narcissist wasn't openly trying to dominate your thoughts from day one.
3:27
SPEAKER_00: In fact, they often appeared to do the exact opposite.
3:32
SPEAKER_00: They seemed fascinated by your thoughts.
3:35
SPEAKER_00: They wanted to know everything about you, your dreams, your fears, your childhood, your insecurities, your hopes for the future.
3:45
SPEAKER_00: And at the time, it felt like genuine intimacy.
3:48
SPEAKER_00: It felt like someone who finally wanted to know the real you.
3:52
SPEAKER_00: But looking back, most survivors eventually realized something much more unsettling.
3:59
SPEAKER_00: The narcissist wasn't simply gathering information to love you more deeply.
4:04
SPEAKER_00: They were gathering information they could later use to influence, manipulate, and control you more effectively.
4:12
SPEAKER_00: One of the things I learned over the years is that narcissists are remarkable students of human psychology.
4:20
SPEAKER_00: Not because they necessarily understand psychology academically, but because they've spent a lifetime learning how people work.
4:30
SPEAKER_00: They notice what makes you feel guilty.
4:33
SPEAKER_00: They notice what makes you feel anxious.
4:36
SPEAKER_00: They notice what earns your approval.
4:38
SPEAKER_00: They notice the topics that make you emotional.
4:42
SPEAKER_00: They notice the wounds you carry from childhood.
4:45
SPEAKER_00: And over time, they begin using that information to shape your emotional world.
4:52
SPEAKER_00: They learn exactly which buttons to push because over time, they're the ones who installed many of those buttons.
5:00
SPEAKER_00: This is why survivors so often say something people outside of these relationships really struggle to understand.
5:08
SPEAKER_00: They'll say, I don't even recognize myself anymore.
5:12
SPEAKER_00: That's one of the most heartbreaking statements I hear from my clients all the time because it's not simply describing low self-esteem, it's describing the gradual erosion of identity.
5:25
SPEAKER_00: Somewhere along the way, they stopped asking themselves what they thought, what they felt, or what they wanted.
5:34
SPEAKER_00: Instead, they became consumed with trying to predict what the narcissist would think, how the narcissist would react, and what they needed to do to avoid the next conflict.
5:47
SPEAKER_00: And without even realizing it, the narcissist had slowly become the loudest voice inside their own head.
5:55
SPEAKER_00: And that's what I want you to pay attention to throughout today's episode.
6:00
SPEAKER_00: Because once you understand that the narcissist's greatest addiction isn't simply attention, it's controlling your internal world, then almost every behavior begins making sense.
6:14
SPEAKER_00: Gaslighting isn't random, criticism isn't random, silent treatments aren't random, love bombing isn't random, triangulation isn't random, none of it is random.
6:27
SPEAKER_00: Every one of those behaviors is attempting to accomplish the same thing.
6:32
SPEAKER_00: They are trying to influence the way you think so profoundly that you eventually stop trusting yourself and begin trusting them instead.
6:42
SPEAKER_00: When most people think about control, they picture someone being physically forced to do something against their will.
6:49
SPEAKER_00: But psychological control is very different.
6:53
SPEAKER_00: In fact, it's far more sophisticated because it doesn't feel like control at all.
6:59
SPEAKER_00: It feels like you're making your own decisions.
7:02
SPEAKER_00: That's what makes coercive control so incredibly dangerous.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: The narcissist isn't usually standing over you demanding that you think a certain way.
7:14
SPEAKER_00: Instead, they're slowly influencing your perception until their voice becomes louder than your own.
7:22
SPEAKER_00: They don't need to tell you that you're wrong every single time.
7:27
SPEAKER_00: Eventually, you'll start telling yourself that you're wrong before they even have the chance.
7:33
SPEAKER_00: That's when they know they've achieved something incredibly powerful.
7:38
SPEAKER_00: They've gotten you to participate in your own manipulation.
7:43
SPEAKER_00: Think about how many times you found yourself replaying conversations over and over and over in your head, wondering whether maybe you were too sensitive, like you'd probably been told.
7:56
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you you misunderstood.
7:58
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you overreacted, maybe you remembered it incorrectly.
8:03
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you really were selfish.
8:06
SPEAKER_00: Maybe you were asking for too much.
8:09
SPEAKER_00: Notice something?
8:11
SPEAKER_00: By the time you're asking yourself those questions, the narcissist doesn't have to convince you anymore.
8:18
SPEAKER_00: You're doing their job for them.
8:21
SPEAKER_00: Their voice has already become internalized.
8:24
SPEAKER_00: They've slowly replaced your confidence with uncertainty, your certainty with confusion, and your intuition with self-doubt.
8:35
SPEAKER_00: That isn't an accident, you guys.
8:38
SPEAKER_00: That is exactly what psychological abuse is designed to accomplish.
8:43
SPEAKER_00: One of the things I explain to my clients all the time is that narcissistic abuse is really a war over perception.
8:51
SPEAKER_00: The argument isn't usually about the dishes or the money or the children or the text message or the disagreement that you think you're having.
9:00
SPEAKER_00: Those are simply the vehicles.
9:03
SPEAKER_00: The real battle is over one question.
9:06
SPEAKER_00: Who gets to define reality?
9:09
SPEAKER_00: Because whoever controls reality controls the relationship.
9:13
SPEAKER_00: If the narcissist can convince you that your memory is unreliable, your emotions are irrational, your needs are unreasonable, your boundaries are selfish, and your intuition can't be trusted, then they become the authority on what is true.
9:32
SPEAKER_00: Once that happens, they don't have to physically control you because your own mind has already surrendered its authority.
9:40
SPEAKER_00: That's why gaslighting is so devastating.
9:43
SPEAKER_00: And I think a lot of people misunderstand gaslighting.
9:46
SPEAKER_00: They think it's simply lying.
9:48
SPEAKER_00: It is not.
9:49
SPEAKER_00: People lie every day.
9:51
SPEAKER_00: Gaslighting is much more sinister than that.
9:55
SPEAKER_00: Gaslighting is the deliberate attempt to make another human being distrust their own perception of reality.
10:03
SPEAKER_00: It's one thing for someone to tell you something that isn't true.
10:08
SPEAKER_00: It's another thing entirely for someone to repeatedly convince you that what you saw, heard, remembered, felt, or experienced never actually happened.
10:22
SPEAKER_00: And over time, your brain stops asking what happened and starts asking, can I even trust myself?
10:31
SPEAKER_00: That question is where the real damage begins.
10:34
SPEAKER_00: I think one of the clearest signs that someone has experienced long-term narcissistic abuse is how often they ask for permission to trust themselves again.
10:46
SPEAKER_00: I can't tell you how many coaching sessions I've had where someone says, Jill, I know this sounds crazy, but or maybe I'm overreacting, or I don't know if I'm remembering this correctly.
11:00
SPEAKER_00: Before they've even finished telling me what happened, they're already questioning the validity of their own experience.
11:10
SPEAKER_00: That breaks my heart every single time because I remember those days in my own life.
11:17
SPEAKER_00: Healthy people don't spend their lives asking permission to believe what they clearly experienced.
11:26
SPEAKER_00: That's something that has been conditioned into them.
11:30
SPEAKER_00: Now here's the interesting part.
11:32
SPEAKER_00: The narcissist doesn't actually need you to believe every lie they tell.
11:38
SPEAKER_00: They simply need you to question yourself enough that certainty becomes impossible.
11:44
SPEAKER_00: Because once you're confused, you're far less likely to leave.
11:49
SPEAKER_00: You're far less likely to enforce boundaries.
11:53
SPEAKER_00: You're far less likely to challenge contradictions.
11:57
SPEAKER_00: You're far less likely to hold them accountable.
12:00
SPEAKER_00: Confusion keeps you stuck.
12:03
SPEAKER_00: Confusion keeps you searching for answers.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: Confusion keeps you trying to solve a puzzle that was intentionally designed to have no solution.
12:16
SPEAKER_00: And while you're busy trying to figure them out, you stop paying attention to what your own mind has been trying to tell you all along.
12:26
SPEAKER_00: I often tell my clients that the greatest casualty of narcissistic abuse isn't the relationship.
12:32
SPEAKER_00: It isn't even the years you lost.
12:35
SPEAKER_00: It's your relationship with yourself.
12:38
SPEAKER_00: Because before the narcissist came into the into your life, you had an internal compass.
12:44
SPEAKER_00: It may not have been perfect, but it was yours.
12:47
SPEAKER_00: You knew what felt right.
12:49
SPEAKER_00: You knew what felt wrong.
12:51
SPEAKER_00: You knew when something made you uncomfortable.
12:54
SPEAKER_00: You trusted your instincts more than you probably realize now.
12:59
SPEAKER_00: But after years of being corrected, criticized, dismissed, mocked, blamed, and gaslit, that internal compass becomes harder and harder to hear.
13:13
SPEAKER_00: Eventually, most survivors stop consulting themselves altogether.
13:18
SPEAKER_00: Instead, they consult the narcissist's likely opinion before making almost every decision.
13:26
SPEAKER_00: That's one of the clearest signs that the narcissist has accomplished exactly what they set out to do.
13:33
SPEAKER_00: They are no longer just controlling your behavior, they have begun influencing the way you think.
13:40
SPEAKER_00: And this is why leaving the relationship doesn't automatically end the abuse.
13:46
SPEAKER_00: I know that may sound discouraging, but I actually find it incredibly empowering once you really understand it.
13:53
SPEAKER_00: The narcissist may no longer be in your house, they may no longer be texting you, they may no longer be standing in front of you.
14:03
SPEAKER_00: But if their voice is still the loudest one inside your head, then a part of the psychological control is still operating.
14:13
SPEAKER_00: That's why healing isn't simply about going no contact.
14:17
SPEAKER_00: No contact protects you from new abuse.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: Healing helps remove the old abuse that has taken up residence in your own mind.
14:27
SPEAKER_00: That's where I believe the real work begins.
14:31
SPEAKER_00: I want to share something with you that completely changed the way I understand narcissistic abuse.
14:37
SPEAKER_00: I no longer see it as simply a relationship problem.
14:41
SPEAKER_00: I don't even see it primarily as a communication problem.
14:46
SPEAKER_00: I see it as an identity problem.
14:49
SPEAKER_00: Because if the narcissist can slowly disconnect you from your own identity, your own intuition, your own judgment, your own values, and your own perception of reality, then they've accomplished something far more powerful than getting you to agree with them during an argument.
15:10
SPEAKER_00: They've slowly replaced your internal authority with their own.
15:15
SPEAKER_00: That's why so many survivors tell me I don't even know who I am anymore.
15:20
SPEAKER_00: And they aren't exaggerating.
15:23
SPEAKER_00: I know because I've been there.
15:25
SPEAKER_00: They're describing exactly what psychological abuse was designed to do.
15:31
SPEAKER_00: Think about how many decisions eventually became centered around the narcissist.
15:36
SPEAKER_00: What should I say so they don't get angry?
15:39
SPEAKER_00: What shouldn't I bring up today?
15:41
SPEAKER_00: Should I tell them how I really feel?
15:44
SPEAKER_00: Or should I just maybe let it go today?
15:47
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I shouldn't wear this because they'll criticize it.
15:50
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I shouldn't spend time with so-and-so because they'll accuse me of something.
15:56
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I should apologize even though I don't think I did anything wrong.
16:01
SPEAKER_00: And little by little, without even realizing it, your own thoughts become secondary.
16:08
SPEAKER_00: The narcissist slowly becomes the filter through which every decision is made.
16:14
SPEAKER_00: And here's the the frightening part.
16:17
SPEAKER_00: After enough time, they don't even have to be present anymore.
16:22
SPEAKER_00: You've learned to anticipate them.
16:24
SPEAKER_00: You've learned to censor yourself before they ever have the opportunity to do it themselves.
16:31
SPEAKER_00: That's why I believe one of the greatest victories for the narcissist isn't winning an argument.
16:38
SPEAKER_00: It's becoming the voice you hear when they're not even there.
16:42
SPEAKER_00: And this is why one of the biggest goals of healing is replacing the narcissist's voice in your head with your own.
16:51
SPEAKER_00: Because think about it, long after the relationship ends, how many survivors still hear the criticism?
16:59
SPEAKER_00: You're too sensitive, you're overreacting, and nobody else would put up with you.
17:04
SPEAKER_00: You're remembering it wrong.
17:06
SPEAKER_00: You're impossible to love.
17:09
SPEAKER_00: The narcissist may have disappeared years ago, yet those messages continue playing over and over and over inside your mind.
17:20
SPEAKER_00: That's one of the clearest indications that psychological control doesn't necessarily end when the relationship ends.
17:28
SPEAKER_00: And this is exactly why I think healing is so much more than recovering from heartbreak.
17:35
SPEAKER_00: Heartbreak heals with time.
17:37
SPEAKER_00: Psychological conditioning requires something entirely different.
17:41
SPEAKER_00: It requires awareness, it requires education.
17:45
SPEAKER_00: It requires repetition.
17:47
SPEAKER_00: It requires validation.
17:50
SPEAKER_00: It requires learning to recognize which thoughts genuinely belong to you and which ones were planted there through years of manipulation.
17:59
SPEAKER_00: That's a very different process than simply grieving the loss of a relationship.
18:06
SPEAKER_00: In many ways, you're reclaiming ownership of your own mind.
18:11
SPEAKER_00: One exercise I sometimes encourage people to try is really simple but incredibly revealing.
18:18
SPEAKER_00: Whenever you hear that critical voice inside your head telling you that you're too selfish, too emotional, uh too demanding, too needy, um, or impossible to love, stop for just a moment and ask yourself one question.
18:34
SPEAKER_00: Whose voice is this?
18:36
SPEAKER_00: Is this truly my belief about myself?
18:39
SPEAKER_00: Or is this something I heard so many times that I eventually accepted it as truth?
18:46
SPEAKER_00: That question alone can begin separating your authentic identity from the identity the narcissist tried to assign to you.
18:58
SPEAKER_00: Survivors have to realize and understand that the narcissist doesn't simply manipulate your thoughts about the relationship.
19:06
SPEAKER_00: They manipulate your thoughts about yourself.
19:10
SPEAKER_00: They teach you that your kindness is weakness, they teach you that your needs are burdensome.
19:17
SPEAKER_00: They teach you that your boundaries are selfish.
19:21
SPEAKER_00: They teach you that your emotions are irrational.
19:25
SPEAKER_00: They teach you that your expectations are unrealistic.
19:29
SPEAKER_00: In other words, they don't merely distort your perception of them, they distort your perception of you.
19:37
SPEAKER_00: And if they can convince you that there's something fundamentally wrong with who you are, you can spend years trying to fix yourself instead of realizing that you have been psychologically manipulated in the worst ways by someone whose goal was to control your beliefs and perceptions for personal gain.
20:02
SPEAKER_00: I think that's one of the saddest realities of narcissistic abuse.
20:07
SPEAKER_00: Survivors often leave believing they're broken, when in reality many of their behaviors were completely understandable survival responses.
20:18
SPEAKER_00: Hypervigilance wasn't your personality.
20:22
SPEAKER_00: It was your nervous system trying to keep you safe.
20:26
SPEAKER_00: People pleasing wasn't your identity.
20:29
SPEAKER_00: It was a strategy your brain developed to reduce conflict.
20:34
SPEAKER_00: Over explaining wasn't because you enjoyed talking, it was because you desperately wanted to prevent another misunderstanding or accusation.
20:46
SPEAKER_00: Constantly apologizing wasn't proof that you were always wrong.
20:51
SPEAKER_00: It was proof that your brain had learned apologizing sometimes restored temporary peace.
20:59
SPEAKER_00: Those behaviors made sense in the environment you were living in.
21:04
SPEAKER_00: The problem is that survival strategies often continue long after survival is no longer necessary.
21:12
SPEAKER_00: And this is where I think hope begins to enter the conversation.
21:16
SPEAKER_00: If those patterns were learned, they can also be unlearned.
21:21
SPEAKER_00: If someone taught you to doubt yourself, you can learn to trust yourself again.
21:26
SPEAKER_00: If someone trained you to silence your own needs, you can learn to speak them again.
21:32
SPEAKER_00: If someone convinced you that your intuition was unreliable, you can slowly begin rebuilding that relationship with yourself.
21:49
SPEAKER_00: Just as your mind adapted to years of manipulation, it can also adapt to years of truth, safety, consistency, and healthy relationships.
22:00
SPEAKER_00: Relationships.
22:01
SPEAKER_00: Healing isn't about pretending that the abuse never happened.
22:05
SPEAKER_00: Healing is about refusing to let it permanently define the way your mind operates.
22:13
SPEAKER_00: That's why I believe every single act of self-trust is an act of recovery.
22:18
SPEAKER_00: Every time you listen to your intuition instead of dismissing it, you're healing.
22:24
SPEAKER_00: Every time you set a boundary without apologizing for it, you're healing.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: Every time you make a decision because it aligns with your values instead of someone else's expectations, you're healing.
22:39
SPEAKER_00: Every time you stop asking, what would the narcissist think and start asking, what do I think, you're reclaiming another piece of yourself.
22:51
SPEAKER_00: And that's exactly what threatens the narcissist more than almost anything else.
22:57
SPEAKER_00: Because the moment you begin thinking for yourself again, their greatest addiction begins slipping away.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: One of the questions I get asked all the time is, Jill, if controlling my mind is really what the narcissist is addicted to, then why do they become so angry when I leave?
23:18
SPEAKER_00: Why do they hoover?
23:19
SPEAKER_00: Why do they suddenly promise to change?
23:22
SPEAKER_00: Why do they launch smear campaigns?
23:25
SPEAKER_00: Why do they seem so desperate to pull me back?
23:28
SPEAKER_00: And I think the answer is actually much simpler than most people realize.
23:34
SPEAKER_00: It's because leaving the relationship is one thing, reclaiming your own mind is something entirely different.
23:43
SPEAKER_00: A narcissist can often tolerate physical distance far better than they can tolerate psychological independence.
23:51
SPEAKER_00: They can tolerate you living in another house if they're still living in your head.
23:58
SPEAKER_00: They can tolerate no contact if you're still questioning yourself every single day.
24:04
SPEAKER_00: They can tolerate the relationship ending if you're still carrying their voice around in your own mind.
24:12
SPEAKER_00: But the day you stop believing their version of reality, the day you stop needing their approval, the day you stop asking yourself whether maybe they were right about you, that's the day they begin losing the one thing they were truly trying to possess all along.
24:34
SPEAKER_00: That's why I often tell survivors that one of the greatest signs of healing isn't that you stop thinking about the narcissists altogether.
24:42
SPEAKER_00: It's that when you do think about them, you no longer think through their eyes.
24:48
SPEAKER_00: You no longer instinctively assume they're right and you're wrong.
24:53
SPEAKER_00: You no longer replay every argument searching for ways to blame yourself.
24:59
SPEAKER_00: You no longer feel compelled to defend yourself against accusations that were never true in the first place.
25:08
SPEAKER_00: You no longer spend hours trying to make sense of behavior that was intentionally designed to keep you confused.
25:17
SPEAKER_00: Instead, you begin trusting your own observations again.
25:22
SPEAKER_00: You begin believing your own memories, you begin respecting your own feelings, and perhaps most importantly, you begin believing yourself.
25:33
SPEAKER_00: Think about it from their perspective for just a moment.
25:36
SPEAKER_00: Imagine spending years convincing someone that they're incapable of making good decisions without you.
25:44
SPEAKER_00: Convincing them that they're too emotional, too sensitive, too difficult, too damaged.
25:50
SPEAKER_00: Convincing them that nobody else will ever love them, convincing them that every conflict is somehow their fault.
25:59
SPEAKER_00: And then one day that same person calmly looks at you and says, I don't believe you anymore.
26:07
SPEAKER_00: Can you imagine what that represents to someone whose entire sense of power depends upon controlling another person's perception?
26:17
SPEAKER_00: It's not simply rejection, it's the collapse of the illusion.
26:22
SPEAKER_00: The spell has been broken, the person they worked so hard to psychologically condition has begun thinking independently again.
26:32
SPEAKER_00: And for someone who has built their relationships around psychological domination, that is an incredible loss of power.
26:43
SPEAKER_00: When I look back over the years I've spent working with survivors, I've noticed something remarkable.
26:50
SPEAKER_00: The people who experience the deepest, most lasting healing aren't necessarily the people who learn the most about narcissists.
26:59
SPEAKER_00: They're the people who rebuild the strongest relationship with themselves.
27:04
SPEAKER_00: They become curious about their own intuition.
27:08
SPEAKER_00: They stop dismissing their emotions.
27:11
SPEAKER_00: They stop apologizing for having needs.
27:14
SPEAKER_00: They stop requiring someone else's permission before making decisions that affect their own lives.
27:22
SPEAKER_00: They become emotionally anchored within themselves instead of emotionally dependent upon someone else's opinion of them.
27:32
SPEAKER_00: And when that happens, something extraordinary begins to take place.
27:38
SPEAKER_00: The narcissist gradually loses access to the one place they spent years trying to occupy.
27:47
SPEAKER_00: That's why I don't think the ultimate goal of healing is simply moving on.
27:52
SPEAKER_00: I think it's moving home, home to your own thoughts, home to your own values, home to your own instincts, home to your own voice.
28:02
SPEAKER_00: Because if narcissistic abuse is the gradual process of becoming disconnected from yourself, then healing is the beautiful process of finding your way back.
28:14
SPEAKER_00: Not back to the person you were before the abuse, because that person didn't yet possess all the wisdom that you have today.
28:23
SPEAKER_00: You aren't trying to become who you used to be.
28:27
SPEAKER_00: You're becoming someone stronger, wiser, more discerning, and more deeply connected to yourself than you've ever been before.
28:37
SPEAKER_00: So I want to leave you with one final thought.
28:40
SPEAKER_00: If there's one thing I hope that you remember from today's episode, it's this.
28:45
SPEAKER_00: The narcissist was never simply trying to control your behavior.
28:50
SPEAKER_00: They were trying to control your mind.
28:53
SPEAKER_00: Every lie, every manipulation, every episode of gaslighting, every criticism, every silent treatment, every moment of love bombing, every attempt to isolate you, every effort to make you question yourself, it was all moving towards the same objective.
29:12
SPEAKER_00: They wanted to become the loudest voice inside your head.
29:17
SPEAKER_00: But here's the beautiful truth they never counted on.
29:21
SPEAKER_00: That voice doesn't have to stay there forever.
29:24
SPEAKER_00: Little by little, one healthy decision at a time, one boundary at a time, one moment of self-trust at a time, one act of courage at a time, your own voice begins getting stronger.
29:38
SPEAKER_00: Your intuition begins getting clearer.
29:41
SPEAKER_00: Your confidence begins returning, and one day, almost without realizing it, you'll find yourself making a decision because you believe it's right, not because you're trying to avoid someone else's disapproval.
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SPEAKER_00: That's freedom.
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SPEAKER_00: That's what healing looks like.
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SPEAKER_00: Not perfection, not forgetting, not pretending it never happened, but finally becoming the person whose own mind belongs to them again.
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SPEAKER_00: So I'd like to thank you so much for spending this time with me today.
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SPEAKER_00: I truly hope this conversation helped you understand narcissistic abuse from a perspective you may not have considered before.
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SPEAKER_00: My hope is that it not only gave you insight into the narcissist's behavior, but even more importantly, reminded you that your greatest healing doesn't come from understanding them forever.
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SPEAKER_00: It comes from reclaiming yourself.
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SPEAKER_00: And if this episode resonated with you and you're looking for support as you continue your healing journey, I would love to help.
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SPEAKER_00: I offer private coaching, a comprehensive recovery course, and my recovery circle community where survivors come together to learn, heal, and support one another.
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SPEAKER_00: You can learn more about all of those resources by visiting my website at www.jillwise.com.
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SPEAKER_00: And if you found today's episode helpful, I'd be incredibly grateful if you would subscribe to the podcast, leave a review, and share this episode with someone who may need to hear it.
31:25
SPEAKER_00: You never know whose life might begin changing because you decided to pass along a little hope.
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SPEAKER_00: Until next time, remember this the greatest act of defiance against narcissistic abuse isn't walking away, it's taking back ownership of your own mind.