Latest / The Trauma Therapist / Take Risks, We're All Learning Here with Zelina Chinwoh

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Take Risks, We're All Learning Here with Zelina Chinwoh · The Trauma Therapist

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Speaker 1: Trauma Thepist podcast Plus listeners can listen to episodes early
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Speaker 1: and ad free right now. Become a Plus listener by
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Speaker 1: going to Apple Podcasts, searching for the Trauma Thepist podcast
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Speaker 1: and signing up today. Welcome to the Trauma Nevers podcast,
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Speaker 1: a show about the incredible people dedicated to helping those
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Speaker 1: who experienced trauma. My name is Gay Macpherson, and my
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Speaker 1: mission is to raise awareness of trauma and to inspire
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Speaker 1: each of us to help those around us. All right, Selena,
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Speaker 1: here we go, So five four, three, two and one,
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Speaker 1: our folks, welcome back to the podcast. Very excited to happens.
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Speaker 1: My guest today, Selena Chinwa.
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Speaker 2: Selena welcome, Thank you, thank you, so excited to be here. Guy,
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Speaker 2: thank you so much.
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Speaker 1: You are welcome. So. Selena is a licensed clinical psychotherapist,
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Speaker 1: published author, and US Army veteran. Renowned for extensive expertise
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Speaker 1: in human behavioral and social work practices. Passionate about inspiring
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Speaker 1: others to be bold and powerful, she's dedicated to helping
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Speaker 1: individuals manage life's challenges while falls tering personal growth and resilience.
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Speaker 1: As the owner of the Healing Experience Counseling and consulting services,
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Speaker 1: and also the podcast hosts of Dear Unapologetically Me. Selena
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Speaker 1: is deeply committed to empowering individuals to embrace their authentic
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Speaker 1: selves and life purposes. Hell yeah, Selena, welcome, love it.
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Speaker 3: Thank you guys. That was a beautiful introduction. I love it.
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Speaker 3: Thank you.
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Speaker 1: So look, before we get going, share with the listeners
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Speaker 1: where you're from originally and where you are currently.
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Speaker 2: I am originally from Bad and Rouge, Louisiana down here
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Speaker 2: in the South. I'm born and raised, and currently I'm
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Speaker 2: between Bad and Rouge, Louisiana and Atlanta, Georgia as where
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Speaker 2: I practice in terms of my business as a psychotherapist.
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Speaker 1: All right, so look how she gonna ask you straight up?
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Speaker 1: How did you get into this field? How some things
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Speaker 1: happened for you?
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Speaker 3: Yes, yes, believe it?
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Speaker 2: Or that guy, I can say that, you would probably
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Speaker 2: say I was birthed into this field. My mother was
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Speaker 2: a therapist as well. She's no longer with us here
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Speaker 2: on this side of the realm. But growing up as
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Speaker 2: and having a mother as a licensed therapist, you knew
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Speaker 2: about assessments before you probably knew your name, okay, and
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Speaker 2: you know, just going along with the whole aspect of
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Speaker 2: a helping professional. She was the epitome of what her
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Speaker 2: practitioner just being a practitioner, and that's pretty much what started,
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Speaker 2: you know, having her own private practice. Her specialty was
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Speaker 2: mainly more so for addiction, so that's what she loved
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Speaker 2: to do. And she always would say, I think you'd
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Speaker 2: be a great social worker. I think you'd be a
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Speaker 2: great social you know how pair do that? So as
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Speaker 2: I got older and I started to understand, I've always
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Speaker 2: been the curious kid. I always been a why why girl.
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Speaker 2: I would say like, well, why is this? Why is that?
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Speaker 2: We drop a mom crazy? She's like, here, you go
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Speaker 2: ask me all these questions. Please, just a curious mind.
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Speaker 2: So here I am now in the field.
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Speaker 3: I know.
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Speaker 2: She's like, you're the return of investment, right, but with
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Speaker 2: the in terms of different perspective, in terms of specialty.
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Speaker 2: And that's pretty much how I started out in this
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Speaker 2: whole field of mental health.
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Speaker 1: So you are a MSW, A an lcs W. Why
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Speaker 1: social work? What about that particular designation got you?
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Speaker 2: One of the things about social work is it's so
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Speaker 2: multifacet you know, in terms of the services that we
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Speaker 2: can provide and from myself.
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Speaker 3: I like micro. I like micro like.
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Speaker 2: Individuality, the individual private practice, but I am a advocate
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Speaker 2: for macro practice, you know, being able to make a
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Speaker 2: difference in terms of policies and the overall spectrum when
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Speaker 2: we know we have to have both, you know, the
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Speaker 2: micro mezzo and the macro.
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Speaker 3: But when I was going to.
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Speaker 2: School, you know, I was like, you know, it got
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Speaker 2: to be more than these four walls.
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Speaker 3: You know, what are these policies.
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Speaker 2: And it was my teacher, my professor at Southern University,
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Speaker 2: doctor Richardson. She was the one that taught research, and
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Speaker 2: she said, you know, the world is bigger than the
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Speaker 2: four walls that you're going to be in serving clients.
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Speaker 2: And that's where the fascination came. Guy, like, you know what,
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Speaker 2: I think we really can change the world one policy
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Speaker 2: at a time, one person a time. Until I got
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Speaker 2: into the field and was like, oh wow, this is
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Speaker 2: a lot.
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Speaker 1: That's really interesting. I appreciate sharing that. It's just interesting
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Speaker 1: to find out what was the thought process that made
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Speaker 1: you turn that way. I wasn't thinking like that when
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Speaker 1: I went into school. So you from this very early age,
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Speaker 1: sounds like your mom was incredible. She shared whether intentionally
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Speaker 1: or not her heart her work. You go to school,
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Speaker 1: you say to yourself, Okay, I'm going to become a therapist.
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Speaker 1: What happens when you get out? What do you start doing?
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Speaker 1: Or even let's not even start there, when you start
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Speaker 1: seeing clients early on in your practica and so forth,
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Speaker 1: What was that like for you?
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Speaker 2: I can pretty much go back to the question and
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Speaker 2: answer this question as well. One of the things that
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Speaker 2: really just influence is the fact that I myself is
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Speaker 2: a product of certain environments in terms of statistical measures
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Speaker 2: and being of marginalized, marginalized community. I'm African American, and
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Speaker 2: my mother was a single parent. Even though she was
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Speaker 2: an educated, uh professional, she did have the struggles of
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Speaker 2: a single parent, mainly common and the family dynamics. So
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Speaker 2: growing up, for me, it was always trying to understand,
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Speaker 2: you know, in terms of, well, if this is what
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Speaker 2: the family is, then why mom is working so hard
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Speaker 2: or and then I just kind of really got an
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Speaker 2: understanding of what the TV and social media, you know,
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Speaker 2: because my show was The Cosby Show and all those
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Speaker 2: different shows versus what reality was. So just imagine being
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Speaker 2: a kid and you're trying to decipher life and here
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Speaker 2: you are in this young age and you're what you
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Speaker 2: may be watching one TV how life is supposed to
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Speaker 2: be versus what you're experiencing in terms of the robing
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Speaker 2: Peter to pay Paul, you know, the stroke of an
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Speaker 2: African American, you know, single mother, you know, as well
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Speaker 2: as her being educated and just understanding that life is
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Speaker 2: going to happen. So it really made me more inquisitive
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Speaker 2: to know about different things, you know, social structures, family structures,
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Speaker 2: family dynamics, trauma. You know, how does it impact the
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Speaker 2: individual and it does you know when we look at
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Speaker 2: all of these aspects.
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Speaker 3: You know that God being a.
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Speaker 2: Psychologist yourself, and even though you have these all of
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Speaker 2: these other aspects that are going great in your life,
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Speaker 2: sometimes there's a missing piece and it does influence your life.
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Speaker 2: So going through life and bearing my mom at a
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Speaker 2: young age at twenty one, supposed to be having the
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Speaker 2: time of my life and now I'm dealing with a
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Speaker 2: great life transition. And I had just come home from
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Speaker 2: I think it was basic training at the time, and
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Speaker 2: then life happen and and then on that being the
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Speaker 2: oldest of two sisters, so it's like it's shifted again.
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Speaker 2: And that really sparked the curiosity of family dynamics statistic wise,
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Speaker 2: how it impacts people and what can they do to
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Speaker 2: I guess, level up or be a better person without
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Speaker 2: the influence of their environment, and that pie you would
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Speaker 2: say that person environment psychological perspective.
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Speaker 3: So yes, just.
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Speaker 1: One a point. So I do have a PhD in
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Speaker 1: clinical psychology, but I'm not a practicing I'm not a
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Speaker 1: psychologist per se. I just want to clarify that. So, Okay,
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Speaker 1: you talked about the Cosby Show kind of you know
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Speaker 1: what you're seeing versus reality. Talk about that dichotomy. What
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Speaker 1: was the reality for you?
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Speaker 3: The reality for me was.
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Speaker 2: My mother was the matriarch of our family, you know,
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Speaker 2: and one thing that she would always say is that
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Speaker 2: you know, put your best foot forward, make sure that
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Speaker 2: you're educated, make sure that you go above and beyond.
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Speaker 2: But in some aspects I remember her always saying that
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Speaker 2: I just don't know all the answers. As smart as
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Speaker 2: I am in terms of theory and theoretical practices, it's
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Speaker 2: certain aspects of maintaining a relationship, you know, And that
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Speaker 2: comes into the fact that you just can't make people
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Speaker 2: do what they don't want to do. And I can
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Speaker 2: really say that that shaped shaped our trajectory because it
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Speaker 2: was survival mode, living survival mindset, you know, making sure
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Speaker 2: that we got from point A to point B and
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Speaker 2: looking apart and making sure that regardless of what it
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Speaker 2: was that we were there however, we got there in
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Speaker 2: terms of that.
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Speaker 3: But we put our best foot forward.
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Speaker 2: And sometimes that was a lot, you know, especially being
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Speaker 2: at a young age and you're trying to figure out
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Speaker 2: life in your own mind and then you're having distressors
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Speaker 2: of the dynamics of a broken home environment and that
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Speaker 2: I think that's in itself is another pressure, especially for
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Speaker 2: someone that's so young. So the survival mode mindset could
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Speaker 2: be emotional, it could be mentally, could be physically, and
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Speaker 2: I see that a lot within my own community, how
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Speaker 2: it really impacts who you are and your identity. And
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Speaker 2: for me, I saw that and also my mother lived it.
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Speaker 2: We lived it, and it also showed me that even
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Speaker 2: though you went through those things, you don't have to
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Speaker 2: stay there. So that's kind of my whole journey point
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Speaker 2: in getting to be in private practice is to really
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Speaker 2: help people say listen, I lived this, and that you
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Speaker 2: can find balance and you don't have to stay in
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Speaker 2: this situation mentally and emotionally, you know it's Lena.
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Speaker 1: I gotta say, you're pretty incredible. We're doing a video
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Speaker 1: here for those who are just listening, but you have
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Speaker 1: an amazing presence and you have an amazing, incredible voice.
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Speaker 1: Literally your voice is really incredible too. And as you're talking,
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Speaker 1: I'm thinking back to the bio I read, which was
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Speaker 1: the take home I got was self empowerment, you know, resilient.
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Speaker 1: So at what point, I mean, I can hear it
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Speaker 1: in what you've just said, but professionally, how did that
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Speaker 1: become a through line for you, a fiber of h
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Speaker 1: inspiration for you?
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Speaker 2: Quite frankly, when I was doing my internships and going
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Speaker 2: through school and earning my degrees, I would always pick
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Speaker 2: the internships that really everybody was terrified, like to the psychia, like.
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Speaker 1: What send me?
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Speaker 3: I'm ready. Oh it's a full moon tonight, I'm ready.
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Speaker 3: I was wow, very cool.
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Speaker 1: Why Why was that?
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Speaker 3: My mother? It was just her.
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Speaker 2: You know, we were raised, you know, in different environments
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Speaker 2: in terms of the work that she did, and she
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Speaker 2: exposed us to community service and volunteering. It was always
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Speaker 2: like listen, take risks, It's okay, We're all learning here. Wow,
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Speaker 2: And to me it was like every aspect is learning.
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Speaker 2: So the working in behavior help was my favorite, you know,
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Speaker 2: it was just amazing. But I remember doing a lot
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Speaker 2: of the assessments and just actually doing the biocycle social
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Speaker 2: assessment with the client, and I would hear so many
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Speaker 2: different traumas that would occur in childhood, and I would
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Speaker 2: always become fascinated with the thought of, well, what if
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Speaker 2: that didn't happen, or what if it was different with
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Speaker 2: this person actually be in this state of mind or
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Speaker 2: in this state of being, And that's just that inquisitive
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Speaker 2: mind with me, the why girl, always trying to figure
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Speaker 2: out why. And it really provoked the thought process of
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Speaker 2: learning about the theories and how, you know Sigmund Freud
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Speaker 2: and Eric Erickson's all of the stages of development and
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Speaker 2: how it really impacts who you are as an adult.
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Speaker 2: And I became, i guess infactuated with wanting to know
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Speaker 2: how can I make a difference, because again, by the
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Speaker 2: time we're an adult, it's already ingrained, you know, and
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Speaker 2: now it's that rewiring reprogramming, and that can be hard.
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Speaker 2: So with me, I would see my clients or in
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Speaker 2: those settings and I would read the biopsycho socials or
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Speaker 2: I would talk to them in one on one sessions,
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Speaker 2: individual sessions, and it would always sometime go back. It
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Speaker 2: would go back to childhood and you would hear these
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Speaker 2: things in you. You know, your mind, your wiles are turning.
13:54
Speaker 2: You're like, oh, now it's making sense. Now it's kind
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Speaker 2: of peacing, you know, just being in the fiel. You're like, okay,
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Speaker 2: a plus be let's see it, you know, and now
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Speaker 2: it's like the fascination, So what can we do?
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Speaker 3: And that's what started guy.
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Speaker 2: It was let's look at psychodynamic let's look at self empowerment,
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Speaker 2: because majority of my clients, for the most part, have
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Speaker 2: experienced some shape of I would identify traumatic experience, even
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Speaker 2: adverse childhood experiences, and that it has impacted.
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Speaker 3: Who they are today.
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Speaker 1: You I mentioned in the bio you have a podcast,
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Speaker 1: do Your Unapologetically Me? When talk a little bit about that.
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Speaker 1: When did that start? Is?
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Speaker 2: What is it?
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Speaker 1: What do you focus on in it?
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Speaker 2: The Dear Unapologetically Me podcast? That was honestly a personal
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Speaker 2: step toward transition for myself, and it was walking walking
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Speaker 2: in this new unbecoming to becoming. You know, I had
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Speaker 2: a love public speaking, but in social society, they don't
15:03
Speaker 2: teach you how to brand yourself in school. You know,
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Speaker 2: when you're getting these degrees the social media listen, I
15:10
Speaker 2: still feel that I'm behind. But I was terrified. I
15:15
Speaker 2: was petrified. It was just like, who's going to listen
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Speaker 2: to me?
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Speaker 3: That's God wants to hear me ramble about what right?
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Speaker 2: And my family already knows I'm a talker, and they're like,
15:26
Speaker 2: you know what, Yeah, I think it's a bright idea,
15:29
Speaker 2: but not really. And believe it or not, I did
15:31
Speaker 2: have some individuals around me said, don't go and do that.
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Speaker 3: That, you shouldn't do that. No one's gonna listen.
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Speaker 2: And it wasn't that where it was okay, who am
15:44
Speaker 2: what side am I going to choose today? And that's
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Speaker 2: where that deer unapologetically me walking in my purpose, unapologetically
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Speaker 2: saying in saying it's standing in my stance, and I
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Speaker 2: decided to take the journey.
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Speaker 3: Take the lead.
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Speaker 2: Was I terrified every time I got on the camera.
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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I'm terrified now, But it has gotten fear
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Speaker 2: right because we know that's a subconscious analogy.
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Speaker 4: So you know, you know, you gotta really give this
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Speaker 4: whole therapy thing, got to really work it on yourself sometimes, right,
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Speaker 4: and I really had to really social work myself, like, no,
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Speaker 4: I won't allow others to present their insecurities onto me
16:28
Speaker 4: due to the fact that they meant that may not
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Speaker 4: be something that they're interested in, or may be something
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Speaker 4: that they have a fear on.
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Speaker 2: And it was just unapologetically no, I'm not I'm standing
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Speaker 2: in my purpose and I have something to say.
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Speaker 1: And excuse me? Do you do you do interviews on
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Speaker 1: it or I.
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Speaker 2: Have done a few interviews on the actual podcast itself.
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Speaker 2: I'm trying my best to get uh with so much
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Speaker 2: going on, God with private practice, getting an assistant, that's
17:00
Speaker 2: my main focus is to get more you would say,
17:06
Speaker 2: get a schedule, because it's something that I love to do,
17:09
Speaker 2: you know, and I think that it embraces and teaches
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Speaker 2: so many people.
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Speaker 3: So just conversation, but that's the goal.
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Speaker 2: Is to bring one guests, to bring on professionals and
17:22
Speaker 2: people who have the expertise and just people have stories,
17:25
Speaker 2: just to be able to say, hey, we're all human,
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Speaker 2: Yeah we're going through and it's okay.
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Speaker 1: You know, what are you you know, talking about purpose?
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Speaker 1: What do you feel your purpose is? In the work
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Speaker 1: you do.
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Speaker 2: I do feel that my purpose in the work that
17:45
Speaker 2: I do is to help people become their greatest self,
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Speaker 2: the person that they've always desired, Like the person you've
17:52
Speaker 2: dreamed of becoming. You know, we've all had those thoughts.
17:57
Speaker 2: We've all had those childhood dreams.
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Speaker 1: You know.
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Speaker 3: Even class, you know, teach what do you want to
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Speaker 3: be when you grow? What do you want to be?
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Speaker 2: Getting that person back to that jittery feeling, you know,
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Speaker 2: because life comes with its own stressors, its external factors.
18:11
Speaker 2: And if I can do that, I think that I'm
18:14
Speaker 2: really fulfilling my purpose and my mission and being.
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Speaker 1: In the field of mental health, that's an incredible mission.
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Speaker 1: And it's so crazy that you said that, because I
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Speaker 1: literally just got off zoom with my own therapists and
18:30
Speaker 1: I'm talking about that too. Even at my age, I'm
18:33
Speaker 1: like frustrated because I'm not here or there or doing
18:37
Speaker 1: this or how Zelena, how.
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Speaker 3: Do you do that?
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Speaker 1: And I know it's different with every client, but what
18:46
Speaker 1: are some of the ways you do that with the
18:48
Speaker 1: people you work with?
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Speaker 3: Some of the ways we do it.
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Speaker 2: Literally is for me is to go back to the
18:55
Speaker 2: old theoretical principles they've been tried and true, been clinically based,
19:01
Speaker 2: you know. As a therapist, we use evidence based practices,
19:05
Speaker 2: and that's the beauty of it because it's already been
19:06
Speaker 2: clinically researching. One of my favorite is, especially for inner child,
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Speaker 2: unhacking or just reprogramming the whole aspect of reliving, you
19:17
Speaker 2: would say, or reidentifying.
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Speaker 3: It's the empty chair, just start there.
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Speaker 2: It is just amazing, you know, or the whole scripting,
19:27
Speaker 2: or let's look at the magic peel. Let's talk about this.
19:31
Speaker 2: And another one is to really hold space. I have
19:36
Speaker 2: the power to hold space for someone else, and I
19:39
Speaker 2: think that's amazing for me to be able to hold
19:43
Speaker 2: space for people who are trying to find their way.
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Speaker 2: Sometimes the work can take more than a couple sessions,
19:51
Speaker 2: sometimes the work can take more than a couple years.
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Speaker 2: But if I can hold the space for you to
19:58
Speaker 2: literally unpack, to literally unmasked, that that in itself is profound.
20:05
Speaker 2: And as a therapist, sometimes I hold that space so
20:10
Speaker 2: people can we can build a rapport with each other,
20:13
Speaker 2: so they can trust me, because again, most of the time,
20:17
Speaker 2: you just rigamarole every day. Like I told someone the
20:20
Speaker 2: other day the other day, do you know how far
20:23
Speaker 2: a conversation or the impact you would make in someone's
20:26
Speaker 2: life if you just ask them are you okay?
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Speaker 3: You know, when was the last time someone? Are you okay?
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Speaker 3: In a gentle way? How are you today?
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Speaker 2: You know? And just workplaces, when I do seminars for
20:39
Speaker 2: work environment, it's like it's okay to act your extra
20:41
Speaker 2: staff before we get into the rigamarole of day because
20:44
Speaker 2: I don't know what they're going through, but they showed
20:46
Speaker 2: up for us today. So just holding space, giving space
20:51
Speaker 2: and allowing that person to really rebirth themselves, because that's
20:56
Speaker 2: what I look at it as. It's like a transformation.
20:59
Speaker 2: And then they think that it's us, but all actuality,
21:04
Speaker 2: we're just in the passenger seat. They're doing the work.
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Speaker 2: We're just here guiding alone. And then when we have
21:10
Speaker 2: when we reach these milestones and I can sit back
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Speaker 2: and we can go back and reflect and say, remember
21:15
Speaker 2: that time you came in here, or remember that day.
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Speaker 2: I think I'm more excited for them in their moments
21:25
Speaker 2: sometimes than they are because you see the change. It's
21:28
Speaker 2: almost like that caterpillar, you know, rebirths. I saw you
21:33
Speaker 2: at that moment when you came, but now look at
21:36
Speaker 2: you look how great you're looking.
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Speaker 3: So that's what I live for.
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Speaker 1: Why is that challenging, so challenging for many of us
21:44
Speaker 1: that we maybe we don't see it, we don't trust ourselves.
21:50
Speaker 1: Why why do we many of us end up sometimes
21:58
Speaker 1: so far away from who we really are or want
22:01
Speaker 1: to be.
22:02
Speaker 2: I think, guy, one of the biggest issues is, and
22:05
Speaker 2: I like not issues are impacts, is the process of
22:11
Speaker 2: thinking and the distorted beliefs and the patterned beliefs. And
22:17
Speaker 2: that's why I always go back, and I always say
22:20
Speaker 2: I always reflect on theory when we say person, and
22:23
Speaker 2: environment when we say that, attachment theories and social learning theories.
22:28
Speaker 2: All of these aspects play into who you are today,
22:32
Speaker 2: the foundation.
22:33
Speaker 3: Where did this start?
22:35
Speaker 2: You know, you didn't just pop on earth and say, well,
22:38
Speaker 2: you know, I don't really believe it myself today, right.
22:40
Speaker 2: No one really comes into this whole world thinking that way.
22:44
Speaker 2: You come in with almost like a clean slate. But
22:46
Speaker 2: what happens is over a period of time, especially when
22:50
Speaker 2: you're in an environment, and the caregivers may have not
22:54
Speaker 2: done their work, or they may be unaware of their
22:57
Speaker 2: own distorted beliefs and their patterns and behaviors, and what
23:01
Speaker 2: happens is children are sponges.
23:03
Speaker 3: They are taking in, they.
23:05
Speaker 2: Are learning, and by the time you're an adult, it's
23:07
Speaker 2: already embedded in your cognitive mindset. That well, I kind
23:11
Speaker 2: of believe in myself, but I really don't. And I
23:14
Speaker 2: always tell my clients where did that start from?
23:17
Speaker 3: Let's talk? You know, yeah, does that make sense?
23:20
Speaker 1: Oh? It makes It makes total sense, and it makes
23:24
Speaker 1: too much sense to me. I'm like, Jesus, all right,
23:28
Speaker 1: look at what point I want to go back just
23:33
Speaker 1: a little bit. At what point we're here? Did you
23:36
Speaker 1: enroll and be as into the army? Excuse me?
23:42
Speaker 3: I went into the service in two thousand and nine.
23:46
Speaker 3: I went into the service in two thousand and nine, so.
23:48
Speaker 2: Right in the middle ending of Iraqi Freedom starting into
23:54
Speaker 2: that because I remember getting a pin, a special pin
23:57
Speaker 2: and starting and I'm pretty much the only one than
24:00
Speaker 2: than my sister.
24:01
Speaker 3: She's in the Navy.
24:02
Speaker 2: She followed kind of right behind me that went to
24:04
Speaker 2: the service, and I was like, why are we getting
24:07
Speaker 2: this pain? And they were like, do you know what time?
24:09
Speaker 2: Do you know what's going on in the world. I'm like,
24:11
Speaker 2: not really, We're at wark. I'm like, oh God, So
24:17
Speaker 2: I tell this story all the time. It was really
24:19
Speaker 2: shell shock for me to go without anyone in my
24:24
Speaker 2: family that I know of serving.
24:27
Speaker 3: So yes, I went in two thousand and nine.
24:30
Speaker 1: How did that impact you? Just that whole experience is
24:33
Speaker 1: I mean being in the service?
24:37
Speaker 2: It it has its both positive and it has its
24:42
Speaker 2: moments as well as pros and cons. One thing about
24:46
Speaker 2: the service it does teach you to be adaptable to
24:51
Speaker 2: adapting your surroundings, to be able to be more visulant.
24:55
Speaker 2: But one thing that it does do it minimizes the
24:59
Speaker 2: fact that you humans sometimes and when you do have
25:03
Speaker 2: an issue, when you do have a day where I'm
25:05
Speaker 2: just not feeling it, that doesn't exist. And I saw
25:10
Speaker 2: it a matter of fact, you're ridicule for saying that
25:15
Speaker 2: I'm having a bad day.
25:18
Speaker 3: You know, you know, you say the wrong thing.
25:22
Speaker 2: My god, you may be smoked or you know, the
25:26
Speaker 2: public humiliation, and it's really I'm having a bad day
25:30
Speaker 2: that you're not allowed to express. And here you go
25:33
Speaker 2: again in your psychic mind and your psychological mind being
25:37
Speaker 2: reprogrammed to say, I need to suppress. This is a
25:40
Speaker 2: war zone, this is I rather be carried by you
25:44
Speaker 2: know twelve No, I'd rather be judged by twelve than
25:47
Speaker 2: carred by six. This is a serious moment. It's no
25:50
Speaker 2: time to talk about your feelings. In the long run,
25:54
Speaker 2: you will learn to continue to suppress, and when you
25:57
Speaker 2: transition even throughout you find coping skills. It may not
26:01
Speaker 2: be the best coping skills. So when I went in,
26:04
Speaker 2: it did shape my mindset of preparing me for being
26:09
Speaker 2: able to withstand anything. You know, that mental stability, like
26:13
Speaker 2: oh man, you.
26:14
Speaker 3: Know, cry a little bit. I wanna cry.
26:16
Speaker 2: We're gonna have a moment, but I want to get
26:18
Speaker 2: back up. I'm going to keep going that resiliency. But
26:21
Speaker 2: then it also turns off the mental emotional, that disconnect,
26:28
Speaker 2: that that whole light switch, and that can really impact families,
26:32
Speaker 2: the person impact. At that time myself, I was suppressing
26:35
Speaker 2: a lot. I'm coming back home and dealing with the
26:38
Speaker 2: grief of my mother. So yes, I can I can
26:41
Speaker 2: say that. You know, it does impact shit.
26:46
Speaker 1: So is it kind of wine down here? I want
26:50
Speaker 1: to ask you about you know, in our culture today,
26:55
Speaker 1: there's a lot of talk about mental health. Trauma certainly
27:00
Speaker 1: registers more so on people's on the zeitgeist out there.
27:08
Speaker 1: What do you see in terms of the people you
27:10
Speaker 1: work with your clients as a whole, what are you encountering,
27:14
Speaker 1: if anything, more so on a day to day basis.
27:19
Speaker 2: More so on a day to day basis, is them
27:23
Speaker 2: the client's still holding on to past patterns and beliefs
27:28
Speaker 2: that is keeping them stuck and stagnated. You know, And
27:31
Speaker 2: I always say this to my clients. I said, the
27:35
Speaker 2: first step is to change the environment. You know, we know, okay,
27:39
Speaker 2: I don't. This person's not meaning meaning well, you know,
27:42
Speaker 2: this environment may not be conducive to my mental health.
27:45
Speaker 2: But the real work comes in the second step is
27:50
Speaker 2: going back and really sitting with self and going back
27:56
Speaker 2: and peeling back those layers, because again, we just didn't
27:59
Speaker 2: get here overnight. And that part, that stuck part, they're
28:03
Speaker 2: really good at the first part. Sometimes when they get
28:06
Speaker 2: good at that part, that's like that that adrenaline. But
28:10
Speaker 2: then they find it confusing because they find themselves still
28:14
Speaker 2: going back to those old patterns and behaviors. And I
28:18
Speaker 2: tell them that's the part of the trauma, because sometimes
28:21
Speaker 2: it's embedded, it's there, and that's the part where they're
28:26
Speaker 2: struggling the most. And you would say, you would say
28:30
Speaker 2: when people say trauma, God they're like, oh God, it's
28:33
Speaker 2: not that kind of trauma or trauma could be anything
28:36
Speaker 2: that impacts your capability to be great, impacts your mental health,
28:42
Speaker 2: impacts your psychological, your emotional. It could be abandonment, it
28:46
Speaker 2: could be abused, it could be neglect, it could be
28:49
Speaker 2: whatever it is that is making you feel invalidated.
28:54
Speaker 3: And that's what I like to tell my clients all
28:56
Speaker 3: the time.
28:56
Speaker 2: This is your story. We're gonna rewrite this. We don't
29:01
Speaker 2: have to stay here. And that's what people need, the
29:05
Speaker 2: permission to own their own life. But without the permission,
29:10
Speaker 2: like I always say, this is not mother may I.
29:12
Speaker 2: You know remember that game Mother may I No, tell
29:15
Speaker 2: me help me. You want your life back, and we
29:18
Speaker 2: will give you your life back. And that's that process,
29:23
Speaker 2: and that's the process.
29:24
Speaker 3: God, that is the process, and that's what requires the
29:27
Speaker 3: most work.
29:28
Speaker 1: I love it all right, Oh, Selena, awesome. How do
29:33
Speaker 1: people get in touch with you?
29:35
Speaker 2: Well, I do have a website. It's www. Dot Healing
29:39
Speaker 2: experience Now. That's where all of my links are. I'm
29:43
Speaker 2: on TikTok and on Instagram at Healing experience Now, and
29:48
Speaker 2: I think also on TikTok as well as YouTube. So
29:52
Speaker 2: you can go to my website. I have all the
29:53
Speaker 2: links there.
29:54
Speaker 1: Okay, we'll have that link up here at the show
29:56
Speaker 1: notes page at the Trauma Theoris podcast dot com. Selena,
29:59
Speaker 1: come on, amazing, seriously, geez, loved meeting you and having
30:06
Speaker 1: you here. Love to have you back. We'll talk about that.
30:10
Speaker 1: Thank you so much.
30:11
Speaker 3: Thank you guy.
30:12
Speaker 1: All right, bye bye