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Human Nature – We Are Not Wired For Success · The Missing Secret Podcast

0:04
Kelly Hatfield: We believe life is precious. This is it. We've
0:08
got one shot at this. It's on us to live life to the fullest to
0:13
maximize what we've been given and play the game of life at our
0:16
full potential.
0:18
John Mitchell: Are you living up to your potential? Are you
0:20
frustrated that despite your best intentions, you just can't
0:24
seem to make the changes needed to take things to the next
0:27
level. So you can impact your career relationships and health.
0:32
Kelly Hatfield: If this is hitting home, you're in the
0:34
right place. Our mission is to open the door to the exceptional
0:38
life by showing you how to play the game of life at a higher
0:41
level. So you're playing at your full potential rather than at a
0:45
fraction as most people do. We'll share the one thing that
0:49
once we learned it, our lives were transformed. And once you
0:53
learn it, watch what happens. Welcome to think a bit the
1:00
podcast. I'm Kelly Hatfield.
1:02
John Mitchell: Hey. And I'm John Michell. So Kelly, let's talk
1:06
about the lessons that you and I have learned about human nature.
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How's that sound? Oh, yeah, no, I know, I call off kids.
1:22
Kelly Hatfield: Let's do this.
1:24
John Mitchell: You know, you know, I think you and I were
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talking about this. I don't know, couple weeks ago, that
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when I had my reverse mortgage, business, and I had 175 people
1:39
working for me, I learned a lot about human nature. But it pales
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in comparison to what I've learned since we got into the
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success and human achievement field. Do you feel the same way?
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I feel
1:53
Kelly Hatfield: like that up definitely up the ante, you
1:57
know, with my businesses and being related to staffing, you
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know, hiring, like just interviewing 1000s and 1000s of
2:06
people and working with companies, I had a front row
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seat to, you know, the different, you know, kind of
2:13
human experience. But then moving into the human
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development space absolutely helped me connect some dots that
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I hadn't connected before. So I'm excited to talk about this
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topic,
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John Mitchell: right? Well, I'll run down sort of the the main
2:33
things we've learned about human nature, and then we'll sort of
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dive into some specific specifics that we, we can look
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at. So the first one is I see that people are self focused.
2:51
People are also lazy. I see that they're often discipline
2:57
undisciplined. They're, they're by their nature unfocused. They
3:03
have a lack of self awareness. Also see, which totally
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surprised me that for the vast majority of people more success
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is merely a preference, merely a preference. I see that by our
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nature, we're fear based and reactive. Now, let me let me say
3:26
one other thing that is good, because all those things are
3:29
bad. It's self nine, it's human nature to want to help other
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people, which is great. But those are the things that, that
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I have seen that I sort of knew when I had 175 people working
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for me, but now I fully understand. Well, fully, never
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fully, but I see it much deeper. Now. Do you? Do you think most
3:57
people are lazy?
3:59
Kelly Hatfield: I don't know. See that broad, you know, kind
4:02
of that broad brushstroke. I think that what I know now
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through the work that I've done with think it, be it and knowing
4:09
how the brain works. And understanding how that
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subconscious mind is built through your stories and your
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upbringing and the things you were told and all of that, like
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I understand, you know, how people get to the point where
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they get into a place of inaction where it's just easier
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to you know, in their minds anyway, but they're so unhappy,
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you know, because inaction is a breeding ground for unhappiness.
4:38
Right. So um, you know, but yeah, I would say there is a
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definitely as a component of that and for the reason that we
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talk about what's your brains job is to protect you. So it has
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a choice between sitting on the couch and watch watching Netflix
4:52
for four hours, and pushing yourself outside your comfort
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zone to do the extra, you know, 20 calls that you need. Do you
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know to close the deal? You need to close? It's gonna use Netflix
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every frickin time on its own.
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John Mitchell: Right, right now. That's right. That's right. And
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do you think that most people are unfocused?
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Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, I think especially now, in today's age,
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I don't think that's gotten any better. I think it's just gotten
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exponentially worse over the course since the last 20 years,
5:22
the last 10. Specifically, I think it's really accelerated
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that lack of focus.
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John Mitchell: Right. And, and I bet you'd agree that most people
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are, are self focused.
5:33
Kelly Hatfield: That's just everybody's nature. It's all
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about, you know, for the most part, it's all about me, it's my
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world, you just get to live in it.
5:41
John Mitchell: Right. Well, you know, that's, that's pure social
5:45
media. I mean, it's all. Well, you know, here's what's
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interesting, I think, is when you look at all those things
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that I said, it all comes back to being wired for survival.
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I'll go down the list and we'll show you what I mean. Yeah.
6:00
First of all, by by our nature, we're fear based and reactive.
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Boy, that's, that's pure being wired for survival. People are
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self focused. For sure. Sure. If if, if you're wired for
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survival, you're totally self focused. People are lazy. Okay.
6:19
Yeah, that's, that's right. Now they're, they're not lazy. If
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there's a imminent danger ahead of their way, you know, they
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won't be lazy then but absent that, they're gonna be lazy. You
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know, the idea that that for 98% of the people born success is
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merely a preference. Sure, sure. What is what is more success
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have to do with survival? Nothing. No. They're
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undisciplined. Yeah, yeah, they don't they remember they have to
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be reactive, that's, that's being wired for survival. They
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don't have to be disciplined. That also causes them to be
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unfocused. You know, again, they're, they're reactive, not
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focused. And, and they also lack a lack self awareness. Well, how
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does self awareness help you in being wired for survival? It
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does. So, you know, that's, that's sort of what I see that
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everything in human nature, that is bad, is related, being wired
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for survival. And, you know, another another thing I found is
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that most people don't do what they say they're going to do.
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They intend to do it, but but they don't do it. And, and
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again, as that relates to survival, it, you know, that
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relates to success that doesn't relate to survival, therefore,
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it's not a priority for people. And, you know, I'll give you an
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example, I'd love your take on this, about people being maybe
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focused on themselves and, and lacking self awareness. So I
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think I told you that I've been in a band for a number of years.
8:12
And so our drummer and our bass player, moved out of town a few
8:18
months ago. So now I'm putting together another band. And I saw
8:23
an old friend of mine that I've known for 15 years. And he's
8:30
more or less about my age, and very smart guy. He's an idea
8:36
guy. He's in the advertising field. So and he plays bass, so
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I hang out with him a couple of times this past week. And I'm
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like, Oh, now I see why we never developed a great friendship.
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You know, he's never asked about me, what am I doing? You know,
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nothing. And I see that, that that happens is you and I've
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talked about this 100 times, that it's rare that you meet
9:09
somebody where they're asking you about you. And I thought
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well, that's, that's, I guess, ingrained narcissism, which is
9:21
probably part of the human condition. And, and it's also a
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lack of self awareness that, you know, we're only talking about
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me not, not any about you. And I just found that that
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interesting, because, you know, he's a really interesting guy
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and, and, you know, looking almost third party at it, I'm
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like, Why didn't I ever become better friends with him? And now
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I see. Why. What's your take on that? Well, I
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Kelly Hatfield: could see definitely just from an
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alignment standpoint, you are somebody who asks everybody how
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they are you make the conversation about them. You see
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get back to them. You know, so like you're so one of the the
10:06
things right away as you're not congruent, you're out of
10:08
congruence completely with a value system of how you interact
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with people. And I mean, so those things, you know, to play
10:15
a big role in who you choose to spend your time with, we talk
10:19
about this all the time, I know I'm going off a little bit off
10:21
topic here, but it's that same, you know, you have to be really
10:27
careful about who you surround yourself with, and that you're
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surrounding yourself with people who, you know, have a have a,
10:34
you know, not necessarily a similar value system, but, um,
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you know, believe in some of the same things that you believe in,
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you know, and you're able to communicate and all of those
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things, so, I completely get why that would not be aligned with
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you, you know, that doesn't surprise me at all.
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John Mitchell: Well, and and you're the same way. And, and I
10:55
think, this, this lack of self awareness is a is a problem. And
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I will say this, I know for a fact that I'm way more self
11:06
aware today than I was 10 or 15 years ago, and I think that may
11:10
be the effect of getting a little older, do you think
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that's true?
11:14
Kelly Hatfield: Totally, I think to, um, you know, I've always
11:17
been pretty self aware, you know, I'm a learner, and I've
11:20
always had really a growth mindset, you know, I'm lucky
11:22
that I grew up that way. But even but as I get older, even to
11:27
just through all of the lessons, you know, which I have chosen to
11:31
write, you know, reflect on and be like, Okay, how can I, you
11:35
know, how can I become a better version of myself by what I've
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gone through, and, you know, so and that's about self awareness,
11:42
that's making the assumption, that there's a next version of
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you, which I love that idea, you know, what I mean? That, like,
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this is the version of me now, and I'm evolving, I continue to
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evolve. And to me self awareness, right now allows you
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to do that it's, I see, so many people just stuck, where they
12:03
were, you know, I ran into somebody, you know, from high
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school, you know, a few months ago, and it was like, that was
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their best years, they,
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John Mitchell: they peaked, oh, man. Good,
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Kelly Hatfield: there were stuck in, you know, what I mean, in
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this time, you know, capsule, or whatever, you know, where they
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hadn't evolved beyond, you know, that time in their life, and
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it's because, but you know, part of it is not being self aware.
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And was is not being, you know, all of these things that we talk
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about, which by the way, the things that we learned about
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human nature, we're talking about other people, but each one
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of us has had this, you know, one of these things at a minimum
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happening at one point in our life, they keep they appear,
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they start rearing their ugly head now, and again, you know, I
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mean, so when we're talking about human nature, and we're
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talking about people, we're also talking about us, because this
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is the way the brain is designed, and why you have to
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override that innate operating system that we have to program
13:12
yourself so that you can become focused, and you can become
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proactive and disciplined and focused. And so I want to point
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that out in this discussion that, you know, this isn't about
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them. And us any shape or form, this is human nature, it's
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everybody, to some extent,
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John Mitchell: yeah, absolutely. You know, that's a, that's a
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great point. And I think, you know, I, I divide my life
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between, you know, when I was zero to 50, and then I started
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doing think, be it and how my life was, and has been since
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then, and what a difference, you know, all all our 12 minute a
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day technique is about is really about overcoming human nature,
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by affirming to ourselves, that we are disciplined and what that
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means and we're focused on what moves the needle, and that we're
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self aware, and that we're not lazy, you know, we're, we're
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achievement oriented. Success is a priority for us, you know, all
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those things, that we're feeding ourselves 12 mins today, all
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that's doing is just overriding, being innately wired for
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survival and, and overcoming human nature. You know, human
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nature, generally, is a bad thing, all the things that we
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talked about. They're they're bad things and to have a
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successful life. You have to override them overcome them. And
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that's what our technique does, I think.
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Kelly Hatfield: Yeah, no, absolutely. And I think too, you
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know, we've talked a lot about the things that um, you know,
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the so many of these things are negative You know, and that this
15:00
technique helps you flip the script on each of these things.
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But also to the point that you made John earlier. There's,
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there also is innate goodness, and the innate, wanting to help
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people, you know, wanting to be of service, I think, you know,
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those are, you know, like, I don't want to diminish that
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there's so many things about, you know, human nature to but I
15:25
think you're right, you know, we're designed to protect
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ourselves, we're designed to, you know, for all of these
15:30
things for survival, and so, therefore, we're not designed
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our brain is not designed for success necessarily. Right.
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Right. I mean, because it keeps us Its job is to keep us safe.
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And to keep us efficient. And to and so getting out of your,
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like, all of these things being focused, disciplined success
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being a priority, these things are uncomfortable, like, they
15:56
push you out of your comfort zone and into action mode and
16:00
everything. And that's exhausting, like the brains job
16:03
is efficiency and safety, right hiring to, to do things that are
16:08
out of your comfort zone until your comfort zone, the bar keeps
16:12
moving a little bit further, you know, every time and so, anyway,
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I just wanted to point that out, too, that, you know, we're
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talking about a lot of, you know, problems associated with
16:23
human nature. But there is a good thing or two about it?
16:27
John Mitchell: Well, you know, I've I've only discovered one
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good thing about human nature, really, that it that we have an
16:34
innate desire to help people. And that's a great thing. It's a
16:38
wonderful thing. But you know, the big picture, I guess I want
16:42
to convey to our audience is that most of human nature is, is
16:49
a problem and, and gears you not for success, and you got to fix
16:54
that you got to because if you just sort of, don't do anything,
16:58
and just live your life and hope for the best human nature's can
17:04
overcome you, and the results aren't gonna be very good.
17:08
Kelly Hatfield: No, and I think too, if you're driven, you know,
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so let's talk about just really quick, I want to just tie this
17:14
to for people. So before I started using this method, this
17:18
methodology, you know, I'd had a, I'd have success, but it was
17:23
hard. Like getting from like, it was so much harder than it
17:27
needed to be, it happens so much slower than it needed to happen.
17:31
Because I was fighting my human nature the entire time. It
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wasn't until I understood really how the brain worked, that 95%
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of what we do is on autopilot, you know, which, you know,
17:44
that's the subconscious that, you know, we're all these
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stories, you tell us yourself, your hat, your habits, your
17:49
patterns, your all of that stuff. And that we're wired for
17:54
survival and understanding, like literally how your brain works.
17:59
Read me. And I was like, I don't know. So I don't have to beat
18:03
myself up anymore. Because I keep saying I'm gonna do this.
18:07
And yet, then I don't. Yeah. So there's a thing I couldn't do
18:12
you mean, to stop it from doing that?
18:15
John Mitchell: It takes 12 minutes a day.
18:19
Kelly Hatfield: Then it became so much like just exponentially
18:23
easier, once I understood this fundamental thing, and then how
18:27
to harness the power of what your brain is a magnificent
18:31
thing. You know, understanding how it works, and how to harness
18:36
the power of it is life changing. And it over? It helps
18:40
you overcome all of these things that you're you beat yourself up
18:44
over. But now you understand like, this is happening, because
18:49
it's designed your your brain is designed to do that for you, and
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you're just fighting against it.
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John Mitchell: Right? You know, I'd say, you know, the thing
18:56
I've observed, you know, as I went out to California and
19:00
visited with my stepson will and, and as we were talking you
19:05
his had a lot of time to talk and I'm helping him develop an
19:10
intelligent plan for his career. And as I observe us talking, I
19:16
realized that we all process information a little different.
19:20
And the way that he process information is that he's
19:26
challenging everything, you know, everything is he's like,
19:30
is that really true? You know, and I'm like, Well, this is
19:35
exhausting, that everything is subject to being debated. I know
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the way i i think the way I process is I decide, is that a
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good idea or not? Yes or no? And probably 75% of what comes into
19:59
mind Consciousness, I can say that's a good idea, or that's
20:03
not a good idea. And there's 25% that I'm not sure, and I've got
20:08
to, but it's an efficient way to, to get rid of the bad ideas
20:14
to go in the direction of the good ideas. Bad I saw as I was
20:17
talking to him, helping him to figure out a career plan. When
20:22
when you're challenging every idea, you spend so much time,
20:27
you know, talking about the minutiae, and the one in 1000
20:33
chance that what appears to be a good idea might not be a good
20:36
idea. I'm like, God, this, this will slow you up. If this is how
20:41
you process information. You What do you think about that?
20:46
Kelly Hatfield: 100%? You know, I think one thing I've learned,
20:49
you know, through my kind of journey, is that now the way I
20:53
look at things is like a scientist to where I'll be like,
20:57
Ah, okay, so in theory, this sounds like it's a good idea
21:01
like this will reduce, let's just talk about something we're
21:04
doing in our business right now is reducing the fill time, the
21:06
time from when a job order comes in to the time it's filled. And
21:10
I'm like, my theory is that if we speed up this particular flow
21:14
that we have, you know, that it will help us job close jobs
21:18
faster, or whatever. So I have a hypothesis. You know, and here's
21:23
what I think. And here's what we're going to do to test that.
21:25
And this time, we're going to do this as the outcome we're we're
21:28
looking for, this is the I don't know, whether that's what if
21:34
that's going to help the close jobs quicker? My logic feels
21:37
like it's right. So to me, I go, I look at it almost like a
21:41
scientist run like this is my theory or hypothesis, right?
21:44
Now, I'm going to test it, you know what I mean? But through
21:47
that process, you're like, is this a viable? So I don't give
21:52
it reasons to not? I'm like, I don't know. So I'm gonna go into
21:57
that test mode to determine whether it is a viable solution
22:01
to the problem, ya know, so that's kind of my, where I don't
22:05
have to know whether the if logically, it feels like this
22:09
could be a, then I go through my process. Here's stating the
22:14
issue, here's a potential solution to the issue. And then
22:17
working through that. And, you know, so I think, how you
22:21
process information or how you look at, I'm looking at this as
22:25
an opportunity, looking at it as a as a well, going into that
22:33
where you were just talking about with well, where it's like
22:35
the one in a million chance it's not going to work. Yeah, like
22:37
I'm thinking about the one in a million chance it does.
22:41
John Mitchell: Right. Yeah. Right. Well, again, how you
22:47
process information is is is critical. And so to wrap to wrap
22:52
up, you know, again, human nature is something you have to
22:56
overcome. And it's, it's through our methodology that our
23:00
followers are, are playing 12 minutes a day that allows you to
23:04
overcome human nature. So that's the lesson for today. Yes. Okay.
23:11
Until next time, we'll see you.
23:16
Kelly Hatfield: Thanks for listening today. If you've had
23:19
your own aha moment from today's episode, send me or John an
23:24
email. We'd love to share your epiphany with our audience. So
23:28
email us at Kelly@thinkitbeit.com or
23:31
John@thinkitbeit.com. In the meantime, live the exceptional life