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When should I seek therapy for commitment fears? · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

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  SPEAKER_00: It's completely reasonable to wonder at what point fear of commitment stops being hesitation and because something to work through with a therapist.
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  SPEAKER_00: Most people feel some nerves before something serious and that's just part of being human.
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  SPEAKER_00: What's different is when the same fear shows up over and over again in different situations, even ones that don't really call for it.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now a useful way to tell the difference is to ask whether this hesitation is about the specific person or moment or whether it happens every time things start to get serious no matter who you're with.
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  SPEAKER_00: If it's a second one and it comes up with real distress rather than just mild nerves, that points up a pattern rather than simply not being ready yet.
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  SPEAKER_00: And that kind of pattern is tough to reason your way out of on your own because the fear tends to kick in before you've even had a chance to think it through.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now practical ways to support yourself with this is to start paying attention to what actually happens when a relationship deepens.
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  SPEAKER_00: Do you avoid talking about the future, keep some kind of exit plan even when things are going well, or feel panic instead of excitement when someone gets close?
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  SPEAKER_00: Write it down or mention it to someone you trust, as patterns are often easier to spot from the outside than from inside your own head.
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  SPEAKER_00: And it's also worth noticing whether this shows up beyond romantic relationships, like friendships, at work, or in how you follow through on your own goals.
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  SPEAKER_00: And that can give you a clear picture of how much of your life this pattern is actually affecting.
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  SPEAKER_00: Now, therapy is worth considering when the fear comes with ongoing distress rather than passing nerves.
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  SPEAKER_00: When it repeats with different partners regardless of how healthy the relationship is, or when it's tied to something specific like a past betrayal, trauma, or growing up around instability.
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  SPEAKER_00: It's also worth considering if you generally want closeness and keep making the effort, yet still find yourself back in away.
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  SPEAKER_00: If you are thinking about harming yourself or feeling safe, then please seek urgent help by contacting your local emergency number or a crisis helpline.