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Audrey Nicole: Navigating Transformation · Surviving-ISH Podcast

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: In every dark tunnel there's a glimmer of hope.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: In every painful moment there's a strength to heal anyway.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: Today's guest has become one of my favorite people and there have been times that I have text her and said can we talk?
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: Because I have questions, because I want to be educated on certain topics, and I trust her and she's never led me down the wrong direction and she's always been just a phone call away.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: We've actually never met in person, but she's been on the show before.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: So you may remember, ms Audrey, she was one of my first interviews.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: I just couldn't wait to get her back on.
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: Audrey, look at you.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: Hi David, I am so happy to be here.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: Like you said, it's been a minute, it has.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: It's been about two years.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: Since the interview.
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: We always stay in touch.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: But yeah, like since our first interview it's been over two years.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: So, like you said, a lot has changed.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, both physically and mentally.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, like I love watching you and watching this transformation that you're doing, and just seeing what it's doing to your confidence and how it's filling your cup.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: You're becoming who you dreamed to be and it's just so cool to actually see that in real time and to see this transition and I just I'm so happy for you.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: Give us a little bit of backstory and then we'll get into current events.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: Of course.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: So hi world.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: Thank you, david, for the introduction.
• 1:59
  Speaker 2: My name is Audra Nicole, so I am a woman of trans experience here in Charlotte, north Carolina.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: In our first interview, I had just finished writing my first book, Broken Through a Shattered Glass, which basically is like a mini biography of my life, giving an overview of how I became the woman that I am today, what struggles that I have faced, both mentally and physically and emotionally, and also letters to individuals that have either positively or negatively impacted my life in some way, shape or form.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: I model, I act, I am an activist, I am an all-around woman.
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: I don't know how to explain myself.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: You know what I'm talking about myself with, but that's pretty much me.
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: Besides doing all of the stuff in front of the screen, I am writing a second book, which will be titled Transition, and so I'm figuring out, like, how I want it to flow.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: Do I want it to be more like a journal, so it can be more personal, and so people can literally see the timeline on how I transitioned from the first book until now.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: I touched on this in the beginning, but now that you've refreshed people or introduced yourself to new people, this transition has just been incredible to watch.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: Like I said, it's been a real time and I love and admire how open you are about it.
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: When you came out of the closet, you didn't leave parts of you in it, and that is incredible, because sometimes I feel that I personally, at least for a while maybe not so much now, because it's been 20 something years but there were places and parts of me that were still hidden somewhere, there was a shadow over it, and it took me a while to have that courage.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: I was talking to a friend the other day that when I was a server and bartender in my 18, 19, 20 year old timeframe, I would try to deepen my voice to certain tables.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: I would try to walk differently when in certain groups, and then now I'm like fuck it, you get what you get.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: I appreciate that and that was honestly what I attended my journey to be.
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: I wanted people to see in real time, in the moment, everything the good, the bad and the ugly, and to piggyback off of your statement the bad and the ugly.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: And to piggyback off of your statement.
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: I actually was hiding.
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: I hid who I truly was my entire life To go from being an African-American gay male to being African-American trans woman.
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: It was a full circle moment.
• 4:37
  Speaker 2: I would have never thought that I would be in the space that I am now, but I'm grateful that I am, because I wouldn't have known where I would be before this.
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: There was a lot of suicide thoughts in my head, my depression was high, I had support, but I really just feel like I was just battling myself constantly.
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: And just to let people know, this isn't my first time I tried to transition.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: This is actually my second.
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: No, this isn't my first time I tried to transition.
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: This is actually my second.
• 5:07
  Speaker 2: My first time was at 16.
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: And I spoke to my pediatrician shout out to N Morgan, he was my pediatrician at the time and I told her I was like hey, I feel like I'm in the wrong body.
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: I've always felt like this.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: I just don't feel like a boy.
• 5:20
  Speaker 2: I've never did, and back then it was like 2006.
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: So there wasn't a lot of things out there for trans people at the time like it is now.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: So as she did her research and was able to find the word for it, I was like, okay, that makes sense, this is what aligns with me.
• 5:38
  Speaker 2: I am a biological male.
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: I don't identify with it.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: I identify with being a female and this is the turn for it.
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: So how do I get from point A to point B?
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: But at that time I was being severely bullied to the point that my safety, if I transitioned, would have came to play and I didn't feel like I would have been safe.
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: And then, having my parents not agree with it, that just became the icing on the cake.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: So I stopped and I was like, ok, I might as well just live life as a gay male and at least have something and then try to live my young adult years as that.
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: And then I would see myself being a cross-dresser, trying on girl clothes and, you know, being extra flamboyant, and then like I want to transition, but then I don't, but then I do, but then I don't, but then I do, but then I don't.
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: So I conflicted myself my whole adult years until I just finally snapped and I just can't take it no more.
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: I couldn't take it.
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: I got tired of just having to satisfy everybody, get their approval, and not live my life for me.
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: So at that moment in July 2020, I was like enough is enough, I'm going to do it, I'm going to go full force with it and I'm not looking back.
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: And when I did, I just took everybody else along with the journey.
• 6:55
  Speaker 2: And it's been very rewarding, gotten so many thoughtful messages of people expressing their gratitude and support and how honored they are to just be, even in social media, one of the numbers, just to watch me transform, and it's been a full circle moment for me, yeah and, of course, I do want to say if people have not listened to the first episode you did a couple years ago, I would really love for them to go back and check out that episode.
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: But if someone is listening to this brand new today, refresh us on where you stand now with your family.
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: Me and my siblings don't talk.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: It was a lot with the book, so I just say that Me and my mom we are really close, like she has really stepped her game up and shocked me.
• 7:46
  Speaker 2: I would have never suspected her to be as close as we were now than we were back then, but she loves it more than I do now.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: I'm just like, ok, girl, my dad it took a minute, you know he was still stuck in his own beliefs and how he felt about it and I at first was really upset about it because I'm like as a child, you need to support me because you haven't been here as an absentee father, so you need to get on the bandwagon.
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: But then I had to understand that our parents do have feelings.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: They grieve differently than I do.
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: I just had to understand where he was coming from and just meet him halfway and at least extend him some type of grace until he feels comfortable with accepting who I am and then go forward.
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: So we have an okay relationship as of now and he's learning.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: This is something very new to him and very foreign.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: So I just again send him grace, understanding and give him time to just feel back into it.
• 8:47
  Speaker 2: Something very new to him and very foreign.
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: So I just again send him grace, understanding and give him time to just feel back into it, because losing your child physically and they're not like dead and then watching them go from the child that you conceived and created to a whole different person that you just don't know, it's a shock to them.
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: I had to allow them to adjust a little bit and be like, hey, I'm still your child, but I'm this better new form of your child.
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: You touched on this a little bit, but I don't want to assume or put words, so I would like to ask for some clarification.
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: I would like to ask for some clarification In your opinion, safe to say that, when someone is transitioning, that there will be a grieving process for their loved ones?
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: Because who they thought they gave birth to, who they thought they were raising, who they, the plans and dreams they had, are the total opposite of what is happening?
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: So is that grieving process fair?
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, in your opinion?
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: Am I using the right words?
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: even yeah, I feel transition and grieving is totally justifiable.
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: Everybody goes through some type of grief in their life, whether it's losing a loved one and they pass away, or transitioning.
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: They are losing their one that they really truly care.
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: They're gaining someone totally different in the same breath and they didn't pass away.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: So that is a mental fuck for them.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: Like how do I process this, being the the person that I helped raise or gave birth to or is my child, but now it's literally somebody totally different all in the same breath and they're still breathing, like, like how do you process that?
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: Like I didn't even give them time to grieve, I didn't give them their time to mentally have a funeral for RJ at the time and even though my dad said he did.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: That is a mental flow Because, like, your child isn't gone.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: They're still here, but it's not the child that you conceived.
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: You didn't create this child.
• 10:55
  Speaker 2: It really is one of those delicate situations that you really have to extend grace to your parents or support system at that time to really let them process it all, because it takes time.
• 11:07
  Speaker 2: It's not going to happen overnight.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: It's not one of those you snap a finger or flick a light or something that they automatically get it.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: That is automatically okay.
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: This is who they are.
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: Some people.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: It is Some people.
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: It works differently, for others, not so much yeah.
• 11:23
  Speaker 1: I've tried to be fair.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, because I again, like I said, I have an opinion on it and my opinion is absolutely people should be allowed to grieve, but I also feel that during that grieving process, you should also love the blessing that you do have.
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: I want people to realize that, and this doesn't even go for transgender, but this goes to anyone hiding behind something.
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: When I was in the closet, I was not giving my family 100% of me.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: I was robbing them of that.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: I feel like it is appropriate for people to grieve, but grieving while accepting isn't a hard ask in my opinion.
• 12:10
  Speaker 1: But on the other side of that, and where I try to be mindful and respectful, is I've not been in their shoes.
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: Even the friends that I have that have transitioned.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: I didn't know RJ, and just so the listeners know RJ is, do you prefer?
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: Is that a dead name to you?
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: Do you use that?
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I use it with my family, so JR is my nickname.
• 12:36
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry, JR.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: No, I used to call myself RJ in the public because it stood for Ronald Jr.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: So RJ was just something that was quick and easy.
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: And, just to put a fun fact, not a lot of people knew that Audrey came from RJ, Really yeah, Because all of my patients kept saying Audrey, and I'm like my name is not Audrey, it's RJ, Like R-N-J, so yeah, but they kept saying it.
• 13:03
  Speaker 2: So I'm just like you know what?
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 13:06
  Speaker 2: That should be my name.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: So it flows with Arjo.
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: So Audrey RJ.
• 13:10
  Speaker 1: I love that.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: But that's one again.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: That's the question I had.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: Is this a household name?
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: So I let them have that to at least have that little piece of who I was.
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: But RJ to the public, yes, definitely dead.
• 13:26
  Speaker 2: I talk about him because that's a part of me.
• 13:30
  Speaker 1: I've met people that struggle with the term dead name and I've met people that just stand real firm and hard behind it, and I always want to be respectful and it's like we were talking about before we even hit record.
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: It's all about the intent and that's one of the reasons I love having conversation with you, because my heart, I love the hell out of you and and that if I did say something incorrectly, it's completely out of ignorance that I would want educated on, and so you provide that safe place for me to learn, and I appreciate that, and not even just with me, but even seeing how you interact with your friends, fans and followers.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: A question that I have for you that I don't know that we've ever really discussed, but do you love RJ or JR?
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: Which do you prefer me to call?
• 14:20
  Speaker 2: It can be both.
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: Okay, it's just, it's fine.
• 14:22
  Speaker 2: Do you love him?
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: It's so crazy you say that Because there'd be some pictures, like in my stories or my memories on Snapchat or Facebook, like I see him and I just feel like, oh my God.
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't say I miss him to the point that I want him back.
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: I can say I'm grateful for him because he was able to run, he was able to go through all these obstacles so Audrey can fly.
• 14:50
  Speaker 2: If it wasn't for the struggles that RJ, if it wasn't for the struggles that RJ Lajar went through, I don't think Audrey would be here if it wasn't for that.
• 15:00
  Speaker 2: So I am very grateful for him.
• 15:02
  Speaker 2: If I was a twin, dad would be my twin.
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: I feel if I had a brother, that would be RJ and I was me.
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: That's why I was like I wish I had a twin, because I don't have to live the boy side.
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: If I had a boy twin, you will be me.
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: So I can be like, okay, I'll have to miss you because you're there.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: That's such a beautiful answer.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: Will you tell us which pronouns you prefer?
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: And even though I think that we all already know that by now, I would like for you to maybe explain to us how this pronoun thing in society that has come about negatively and positively has affected you.
• 15:51
  Speaker 2: Good question.
• 15:52
  Speaker 2: I should have actually said my pronouns at the beginning.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: I don't know why I didn't.
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: It was actually in my head, my pronouns are she, her, we think that we're just on the phone with our best friend, I really didn't think about the viewers and everything.
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: But my pronouns are she and her and I'm like the old school girl and I'm not going to lie.
• 16:09
  Speaker 2: So you guys out there do not take this to heart, okay.
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: I said do not take this to heart, okay, because I'm trying to get with the new wave of these acronyms and pronouns and stuff like that.
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: Back in the day, old gays in the old community honey, it was he or she.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: There was no, we be the she.
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: It was none of that, it was none of the in between, it was just black and white.
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: So now that we have this great area, we are still trying to conform to it and try to get a better understanding of it ourselves.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: I respect them, I respect people and their pronouns and how they want to be introduced.
• 16:45
  Speaker 2: I actually had that in an interview one time.
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: Someone asked me what type of ice cream I would be, and I know this is random y'all, I'm sorry, but it fits with the question.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: So they were like what type of ice cream would you be?
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: And I know this is random, y'all, I'm sorry, but it fits with the question.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: So they were like what type of ice cream would you be?
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: And why?
• 17:01
  Speaker 2: And I said my ice cream would be cookies and cream.
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: And he was like that's interesting, why would you say that?
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: I said because if you take the cookie that is black and you take the ice cream that is white and then if you would mix it together it will make the gray area will be a different color.
• 17:14
  Speaker 2: So when you look at people, there are some people that are black and white and there's one that's just strictly black or they're strictly white.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: But then you have the rest of the people that are all in the middle.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: So you have to learn everybody whether they're just strictly black or thinking black, or they're strictly thinking white or they're in the middle.
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: So I have to grow and go with the flow of things and just be like it's whatever.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: But I go with the times and I tell everybody that she and her is very simple and that's pretty much it.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: What motivated you to transition, and do you remember that moment?
• 17:56
  Speaker 1: What was it?
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: Was it just that one thing that you couldn't pinpoint was like this is it?
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: This is what I'm supposed to do.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: COVID.
• 18:03
  Speaker 2: Covid was literally my saving grace.
• 18:09
  Speaker 2: Before I got institutionalized, I had went to my physician because we used to talk about it a lot, and I again was going back and forth on the fence.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: I don't know if I want to transition.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: I think I do, I think I don't.
• 18:20
  Speaker 2: I'm not sure, but, piggybacking from our earlier conversations, I was just so tired of pleasing and trying to seek acceptance from people when I should be pleasing and seeking acceptance for myself.
• 18:38
  Speaker 2: It was literally a week before I got institutionalized that I asked her like hey, I think it's time for me to transition.
• 18:45
  Speaker 2: I feel like right now is the time, but I need to go ahead and get started.
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: And what do I need to do?
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: When COVID was at the height of everything, everything has shut down so I couldn't get a psychiatrist, I couldn't get into anything right then and there.
• 19:03
  Speaker 2: So when I had like my mental break, I used it as my advantage because there were doctors there.
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: So I'm like, if I have to wait, maybe I can utilize this doctor to get where I need to be.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: And that's what I did.
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: I literally used my psychiatrist and my therapist to get my six months of therapy in, because you have to have six months before you can start any hormone therapy replacement, and so that's what I did.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: I literally talked to them for six months.
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: I told them that's what I wanted to do, we got it through my psyche and making sure that I'm mentally capable of making right decisions for myself.
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: So it was all thanks to dear old COVID.
• 19:44
  Speaker 2: It sucked, but I was able to transition under the radar.
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: I didn't really have to transition in the public eye.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: When I was ready to step out, I was already Audrey.
• 19:53
  Speaker 2: I did everything on the back end, and so I just literally took that time and made it my advantage.
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: If this is what I really wanted to do, I had to utilize the time and utilize it wisely.
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: So thank you, covid, thank you for bringing out Audrey, because I wasn't waiting until January.
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: It's so important to find the good out of ugly situations right.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: Covid was horrible for so many people globally, but we have to find those good things and you did.
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: That's why and how and when I started my podcast, which has been incredible for me.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: To celebrate those things does not mean we're forgetting about the people that maybe struggled in a different way.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: I'm glad that through COVID, you were able to make it into something for yourself.
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: I think that's great.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: How do you handle situations where people I guess you probably have a hard time being misgendered because you present yourself as a woman?
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: How do you address that and use those to educate and hopefully change?
• 21:12
  Speaker 2: I can definitely say ignorance is bliss.
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: I'm very grateful that I'm very passable.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: Like you said, I rarely get misgendered hardly ever actually.
• 21:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but it can happen and it don't be like on purpose for me, but for those that do misgender people that you can clearly see that looks like a man, unless they are trans.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: I've never been in that situation where I had to, but if I did, I would defend them.
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: They said their name is such and such, him like.
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: I would correct you she like she, and then if you're not getting the picture, then I just completely shut off and then I would just sit there and you would just be like talking to yourself because I'm not about to respond to the physician.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: I'm just not.
• 22:04
  Speaker 1: I've never been in that situation with a loved one or even a stranger getting that kind of treatment, and I always ask myself how would I handle this?
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: Because you say you're going to do one thing, but when you're faced with it, I feel like I'm going to be there and just stand beside that person and support that person.
• 22:27
  Speaker 1: I know for 100% that I would do that.
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: I just try to ask myself okay, if I'm presented with a situation today, how could I handle it where it would be educational and for the person that I'm standing up for and standing up with can still hold their head high and finish their meal without saying can I get my tab in a to-go box and then see themselves out?
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: Do you have any advice for me?
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: Box and then see themselves out.
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: Do you have any advice for me?
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: I honestly don't think there is like a manual on how to handle it, because at that moment your instincts is just going to kick in, like if you want to protect the people, even if it's a stranger, you just going to feel the need to protect, like you're going to talk now, ask questions later type of person.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: That's like how I am, like I'm going to go with the flow, I'm going to do the do and I'm going to ask questions later.
• 23:16
  Speaker 2: But you really wouldn't know.
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: And so I honestly would say, unless you're in the moment, just go with what your heart is and just lead with good intention, and then, if you need to apologize to that person, hey, I didn't mean to overstep.
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: If I did, I do apologize.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: But I just don't like people being disrespected and just knowing that there may be people out there that want to help protect you and pick up for you, whether it's a stranger family member or not.
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: Just try to be respectful within those boundaries, because some people may not be like, no, I don't want to be protected or I got my own, when they say that, okay, I'm going to dip out this way.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: Gracefully.
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: I'm going to bow out gracefully, because this is not my fight.
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: I do what's in my limit and then I'm going, absolutely.
• 24:02
  Speaker 2: I'm about my day.
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: Absolutely.
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: I will still love you and support you.
• 24:06
  Speaker 1: I'll just go over here in my corner, in my lane but I got you if you need to be got, and I know this is a little different, but there was a time that I remember and this story always stands out to me.
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: I was a servant and bartender for a long time, so I know my manners right.
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: I tip well.
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: I especially like using Uber Eats and stuff now, like if it's raining or snowing you're getting a bigger tip and I already tip nicely but especially if I'm at a sit-down restaurant where you're actually bringing me refills and napkins and things like that, and I always make sure that I stop what I'm doing and I address the server when I make eye contact with them and I say please and thank you, and I just I know how it feels to walk up to a table and say hi, how are you all today?
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: And they say Diet Coke.
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: That's not what I asked you, sweetie, but whatever, and so I refuse to be that person.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: Anyways, there was a time that I was at uh, everything's a dollar store.
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: Like what is that?
• 25:05
  Speaker 1: Like a dollar tree or something?
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: I can't think okay, okay I can't think of the name, but I love to go there because I do pinterest stuff and they have really cool things and if I mess up on it I'm like it was just a dollar, Although I spend a hundred dollars in there and buy a bunch of stuff.
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: But, anyways, it was during COVID and there was a woman of color working the register and I was pleased and thank you, how are you?
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: And I said thank you so much for being here today because a lot of people were not working and a lot of the ones that had no freaking choice, so every paycheck mattered.
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: And I went to slide my hand under the little glass thing to give her the money and she grabbed my hand and she said thank you.
• 25:48
  Speaker 1: And I was like, but she still held onto my hand and it wasn't just like oh, thank you for giving me your money.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: And I just looked at her and she was like people are not nice to me.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: They, if they acknowledge me, they talk down to me.
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: And the fact that you came in here and you thanked me and you acknowledged me and you realize that I am just trying to feed my babies, that I'm just trying to feed my babies, but if I had been in scene where someone was just ignoring her or being rude, I would have stood up for her.
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: Then there's that part of me that thinks that maybe I did, because the other people behind me in line seen the interaction that she and I just had and that I made her day and two years later I'm still talking about it.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: So she obviously made mine too, when maybe someone heard that and they learned from that, because I bet you at least three or four people in line behind me that heard that were all very nice to her.
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: Just damn, it be nice to people.
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: Yeah, kindness goes a long way.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: Give people some grace.
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: You just never know what someone is going through.
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: Whether it's good or bad, it doesn't hurt or kill you to be nice to people.
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: No, but I feel like society has failed that.
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: The fact that someone during COVID looked me in the eye and thanked me for being nice.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: Are you kidding me?
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: I love that she did that, but being nice should be the norm.
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: I will remember that woman and that moment forever because I learned so much from that and maybe people who are listening will say please and thank you a little louder, if they don't already but I'm sure my listeners do already because they're amazing With you being so diverse and with the different kinds of communities that you're involved in.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: What steps do you see or advise people to take to help with the diversity and inclusion?
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: That's a good question.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: I actually just got my certification in diversity and inclusion at my job.
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: Yes, so my career?
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: I work two different jobs.
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: I do work bedside as nursing assistant with Atrium Health and I'm also in the corporate staffing side of things within my department as well.
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: So I do non-clinical and clinical work when I can.
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: But HRM Health is now being more diversified, especially when it comes to trans inclusion.
• 28:19
  Speaker 2: We literally just talked about this two months ago.
• 28:22
  Speaker 2: But we have seminars and workshops and we have symposiums and we have courageous conversations on how the enterprise can be better at being inclusive with people of trans experience.
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: And so I say this because I actually had to do a presentation about it.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: I'll tell anybody that's in the workplace extending grace again goes a long way.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: I will always say that grace goes a long way.
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: If they're scared, if they don't feel safe, give them that safe space, give them that protection, give them guidance on what to do, how to move forward.
• 28:56
  Speaker 2: And, like you said, some people are just not blessed with the genes to be able to be passable within the rough stages of transitioning, because people don't really think that transitioning is just a phase.
• 29:06
  Speaker 2: It's really not.
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: You really got to go through the growth to get to that finish line, to get into that beautiful butterfly.
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: It's like being a caterpillar and going through your cocoon and then blossoming out.
• 29:17
  Speaker 2: You have to go through these stages and knowing your surroundings, knowing your demographics, knowing especially what state you live in.
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: What is the protection for trans people?
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: Do they have any?
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: How is your insurance if you do decide to go through it?
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: Do I need to know?
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: As a person I'm trying to experience, to make myself more knowledgeable on wanting to do and make myself feel whole, what I feel on the inside to make my outside like it's a lot.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: And so workplace people honestly just need to get it with the time.
• 29:46
  Speaker 2: Do it research, hold seminars, hold education, whatever you need to do to be able to, let's say, exist, because we're not like animals, but to be able to be inclusive with everybody, regardless of who they are, no matter what.
• 30:01
  Speaker 2: I say with that like education is key first thing in the trans community.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: You can't get enough of that I love that you have so much going on.
• 30:12
  Speaker 1: You are starting your second book.
• 30:14
  Speaker 1: I see little reels and promotional stuff where you're always in front of a camera and working it like crazy mind you, and then you have two jobs within your one job right at your corporate.
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: So how do you prioritize your self-care?
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: It's literally through my work I'm learning and exploring artistry, through everything that I do, whether it's modeling, whether it's building my portfolio, whether it's getting acting gigs, like I'm learning myself through my passions now, which makes my passion even more important to me, because I wasn't back then able to live in my truth.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: So now that I'm being able to live in my truth, I'm not only helping and benefiting myself, but I'm now benefiting and helping other people to be able to now live in their truth and be authentic within themselves.
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: So, when it comes to my corporate and work life, I'm able to be a forerunner and to be the face of what trans looks like in the workplace.
• 31:18
  Speaker 2: When it comes to being on screen, I am now able to physically be able to speak and show people like hey, you can be trans and be in front of camera and utilize that essence where it sees fit.
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: And then, when it comes to my modeling being able to be under a pioneer that are trans and modeling like MJ Rodriguez or Angelica Ross or Laverne Cotspo being able to show like representations matter, being able to have those in those spaces where you were not normally in, and to show people that you can flourish being yourself, whether it's gay, whether it's straight, whether it's trans, bi, whatever, big, skinny blue, purple, you're able to thrive and use all of that to your advantage, and also taking self-care when needed.
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: When I feel like I'm being burnt out, it's time for me to reset myself and just zone in on me.
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: I still may do videos here and there, but it's more of a relaxation than time for me, like, okay, I need to let my brain rest and then, once it's rested, we're back in game mode and work mode and just trying to get my name out there as much as I can, because I want to leave a legacy that, when I'm dead and gone, you're going to remember Audrey.
• 32:34
  Speaker 2: You're going to remember my face, you're going to remember me, you're just going to remember her.
• 32:41
  Speaker 1: She's a force to be reckoned with In the times that we live in.
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: Things are progressing, but at the blink of an eye when someone with a bit of a platform says something to the left of a setback that is or could possibly be I feel for trans individuals, I think um education is key and that's all soundball parties.
• 33:08
  Speaker 2: It's tricky because, like you said, you don't want to be canceled for what you say, but even if you're honest, people still take offense to it.
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: I was offensive at first because listen to the Jess Hilarious situation and her saying that women people want to stick up for women.
• 33:26
  Speaker 2: I look at it like but everybody stuck up for you guys until here.
• 33:31
  Speaker 2: Recently, you guys asked for being equal to men, which, biologically, you guys are not equal to men.
• 33:38
  Speaker 2: There's the strength and the labors, but you guys want to be equal in certain things when it's just physically impossible.
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: But when it comes to something that they're naturally born with, those are one of the sensitive topics where, as the trans community, we have to understand that, even though we are trans women and we transition to women, we're not biological women and so when she asked the question or tried to make a statement like we own womanhood, I looked at it from all biology, whether it's plants, whether it's insects and stuff like that.
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: So I'm just like pets, dolls or whatever.
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: I was like these dogs that are female dogs, don't?
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: They have their own cycles.
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: So all women, whether it's animals and humans own womanhood, because if that's the case, then technically humans don't own it, because animals have it too, but in their own right they do, because they have to go through these periods of time where their body is changing and stuff like that.
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: I just feel like it was just a bad misjudgment call.
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: Could have worded it differently in a sense, because he was like I don't want peers, I don't want a uterus, I don't want to bear children, and those are the three things that naturally born females would consider.
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: Womanhood is those three things.
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: And then I always was from the question that they don't have one of the three.
• 35:13
  Speaker 2: Does that make them less of a woman?
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: Does that still make them less of their womanhood?
• 35:17
  Speaker 2: If they don't have it, because not all women have normal menstrual cycles, they could have a biological condition, genetics, whatever.
• 35:25
  Speaker 2: Some may not be able to conceive or bear children Again, a condition or something like that, or it's just everything within that circle.
• 35:36
  Speaker 2: Y'all say doesn't make y'all less of a woman, but it's still womanhood.
• 35:38
  Speaker 2: I support my next born women.
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: I will never tell them that I am one, because I'm not.
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: But trans women are women within its own bubble.
• 35:49
  Speaker 2: So I can't say all of this to say that, again, both parties should have done more research before they were able to speak on the topic.
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: But Jess spoke on the topic because she's experienced that she can speak on that.
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: But the other TikTokers should have just stayed in that lane and just let that be, because some trans women attack naturally born women or cisgender women and it's a lot of riffraff because not everybody in the trans community even think about y'all.
• 36:18
  Speaker 2: To be honest, we love you but we don't think about y'all.
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: We're not on with the world, so we don't have time to spew hate on you guys, but there's something to do.
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: And vice versa.
• 36:26
  Speaker 2: Like why spew hate on us and worry about us when we're not on with the world within itself?
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah, lean on the world within itself.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: I love social media I do, and people talk about how unhealthy it is and I agree, but I love it.
• 36:44
  Speaker 1: And but you and I were talking earlier, even while recording how sometimes we act out of emotion, and then we had to be like, okay, you got this, I'll get back over here in my lane.
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: That's the hard part of having a platform and being in the social eye and the public and everything is documented.
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: How much of that was reacted on?
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: There's been times that I'm sure we would want to just hit record and dog somebody out of response to something.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: But would we have that same response the next day?
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: And where maybe, if we slap a little bit, would we find that better way to make that point to, where it isn't a cancellation?
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: And so I wonder, when it comes to things like this and with people being canceled, is it not that I'm trying to justify ugliness and hate?
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: But those emotions come out of people being triggered with something.
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: We don't know their triggers, we don't know their past.
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: When you get a response and that response might not be in the best of all the lights and then you're canceled.
• 38:00
  Speaker 1: Now the world and cancel.
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: Culture is so hypersensitive to a lot of things.
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: And, again, I'm one of those who, like I don't really.
• 38:11
  Speaker 2: I look at social media, but I really don't pay attention to it.
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: So I'm like, here we go.
• 38:16
  Speaker 2: Why are we having this conversation about this again?
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: Let's just agree to this three and just go on about our day, because that's all.
• 38:24
  Speaker 2: It's going to be a never ending battle and we're just going to be talking in circles.
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: That's the point.
• 38:30
  Speaker 1: Audrey, thank you so much.
• 38:32
  Speaker 1: Thank you for being my friend, thank you for having a platform and using it in such a beautiful way and letting us in to those deep places to spread awareness.
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: You're doing the work and you said that you want to make sure that people know you when you're gone.
• 38:51
  Speaker 1: Tell all of us where we can find you, where we can get your first book, and keep up with your journey toward your second book.
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: Yes, so Finding Broken Through a Shattered Glass is on Amazon, so you can purchase it there.
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: You can find me on Instagram, which is at three underscores, audrey Nicole.
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: So the at is at three underscores, audrey Nicole.
• 39:16
  Speaker 2: So the at symbol and three underscores, audrey Nicole.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: You can find me on Facebook, audrey Nicole, very simple.
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: And you can find me on TikTok as well.
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: Yes, definitely follow me.
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: I do respond back.
• 39:32
  Speaker 2: I don't have anybody behind the screen messaging for me.
• 39:35
  Speaker 2: It's all me, all organic, and yeah, that's where my book, my second book, is going to be as well.
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: It's going to be Amazon, so just be on the lookout for that whenever the time comes.
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: I am on Tubi, so one of the web series that I'm on is actually on Tubi, called Hopeless Romantic, so you guys, check her out.
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: It's definitely a good show, a good season.
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: We're about to shoot season two here soon, so I'm getting prepared for that.
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: So, yes, just be on the lookout for me.
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: Your girl's going to be doing big things in the next couple years, so just check her out.
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: I want to extend my deepest gratitude to our incredible guests for sharing their transformative journey with us today.
• 40:13
  Speaker 1: Join us next week as we dive into the healing process and share more incredible stories of triumph and resilience.
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: I'm back In the good case, in the bad.
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: Goodbye, now I'm back and I'll pray for you.
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: I'm done hurting.