Latest / Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler / Tio & Tio with Ross Mathews & Wellinthon Garcia-Mathews

Transcript

Tio & Tio with Ross Mathews & Wellinthon Garcia-Mathews · Life Will Be the Death of Me with Chelsea Handler

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: High and Mighty Tour. I'm coming to Washington, d c Norfolk, Virginia, Madison, Wisconsin, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Detroit, Michigan, Cleveland, Columbus,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: and Cincinnati, Ohio, Denver, Colorado, Portland, Maine, Providence, Rhode Island, Springfield, Massachusetts, Chicago,
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: of Course, Indianapolis, Indiana, Louisville, Kentucky, Albuquerque, Masa, Arizona, Kansas City, Missouri,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: Saint Louis, Missouri, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Nashville, Tennessee, Charlotte, North Carolina, Durham,
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: North of Carolina, Saratoga, California, Monterey, California, Modeesto, California, and
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: port Chester, New York, Boston, Massachusetts, Portland, Oregon, and Seattle, Washington.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: I will be touring from February through June, So go
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: get your tickets now. If you want to come see
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: me perform, I will be on The High and Mighty Tour.
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: Hi, Catherine Hie.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: Hi, what's happening. I'm in Whistler.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: You are in Whistler.
• 1:04
  Speaker 3: You know what.
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: I feel very connected to Canadians right now because I
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: have started watching heated rivalry.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: Have you heard about this, No, I have not. Is
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: this a Canadian show?
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: It does feature hockey players, and.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: It's I've already lost interest, truly.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: It is like a Roman It's like popping off everywhere
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: right now.
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: Is it stupid? It sounds stupid.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: It's a romance novel, but a TV show basically about
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: these two gay hockey players.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: And she's steem me like a Canadian gay tell novella.
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: Yes, but not a lot of plot.
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: If you if you catch my drift, no, I catch it.
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: It is I catch it. It is very fun. I am
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: in Canada. I represent Canada. Now I'm going to be
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: representing Canada and the Olympics with curling. That's a winter
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: sport and that's something that I excel at. So I
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: just want everyone who's listening to look out for the
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: Winter Olympics in I think they're in Cortina. So yes,
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: I'm in Whistler. I haven't skied yet. I think we're
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: going to venturo into the mountain today and just find
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: out where the freezing level is. Yeah, me and the girls,
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: because I've spent about the last forty eight hours watching
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: movies in my cozy, cozy, cozy cabin and guess who
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: comes up on the couch with me. Here, Doug, he
• 2:14
  Speaker 1: doesn't do that. He does that here. We went for
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: a huge hike yesterday, fucking loved it. And he came
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: home and he's like, he fell asleep in my lap, wet,
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: soaking wet.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: I feel like Whistler is his happy place, but also
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: your happy place.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: It's like cold, and he's got all his friends there.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I love to bundle up.
• 2:32
  Speaker 4: M that's so lovely.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: Well, I mean, if you can't ski today, at least
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: you can operate, right, Yeah, well that's right.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: That's a biggerath room, we get. That's always an option. Okay,
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: So we have two very special guests today. We have
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: Emmy Award winning host and producer Ross Matthews and educator
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: and professor doctor Wellington Garcia Matthews, who is married to Ross.
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: They have a children's book that is out and Ross
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: has also executive produced a short film called Poor List,
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: which is currently shortlisted for an Academy Award nomination. That's exciting.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: Please welcome Ross Matthews and doctor Wellington Garcia. Matthews. Hi,
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: I'm sitting here with my good friends Ross Matthews and
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: Wellington Garcia Matthews. They are a very handsome couple, very
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: handsome gay couple. Sorry, ladies, Yes, they're both taken Ross.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: We know from well, we go way back from Chelsea
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: Lately Days and then Ross Lately, Yeah, and then Ross
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: Lately and Ross you know now from He's on the
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: Drew Barrymore Show. He's on RuPaul's Drag Race. And his
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: husband is a professor. What is your title exactly, You're
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: a professor of education.
• 3:41
  Speaker 4: Yeah, oh well, there I go. Just like he's super smart,
• 3:43
  Speaker 4: he's his doctorate. He you know, in schools.
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: He's got a shit together, like a real job, and
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: Wellington has a shit together. I can attest to that. Yes,
• 3:52
  Speaker 1: And you guys were living in La and then you
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: moved here.
• 3:56
  Speaker 4: Well I was living in LA. I met Wellington on
• 3:58
  Speaker 4: vacation in Portaviarta back in twenty twenty on a gay cruise.
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: I wish, I mean, I wish too, I were on
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: a gay cruise.
• 4:04
  Speaker 4: I one day I was landlocked at the time, I
• 4:07
  Speaker 4: was at the Pinnacle, which was a resort in Portabayarta,
• 4:10
  Speaker 4: and I ordered a breakfast brito at breakfast and then
• 4:12
  Speaker 4: out walked Wellington and he was on vacation too, and
• 4:14
  Speaker 4: then we got married.
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: And so he was your breakfast burrito.
• 4:17
  Speaker 5: Exiting Wellington Beef Wellington.
• 4:20
  Speaker 4: Oh, I love it. He did it.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: It doesn't seem like he did though.
• 4:23
  Speaker 4: Then Actually, no, I knew anyway, that's true.
• 4:27
  Speaker 6: I was.
• 4:27
  Speaker 4: I ordered breakfast brito and we met, and then I
• 4:29
  Speaker 4: moved to New York, or I came to New York
• 4:31
  Speaker 4: to see him, and then the Dru show happened. And
• 4:32
  Speaker 4: I've been here for five years.
• 4:34
  Speaker 6: Now.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Do you still have your place in Palm Springs.
• 4:36
  Speaker 4: No, we're full East Coast, full.
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: East Coast because this was an unexpected transition for you. You
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: were never going to move to New York.
• 4:41
  Speaker 4: I had no plans. No, I was Palm Springs, I
• 4:44
  Speaker 4: was calf Town. I was Happy Hour, I was. I
• 4:46
  Speaker 4: was there and I was happy. And then you know,
• 4:48
  Speaker 4: I say, you put a saddle on life and just
• 4:49
  Speaker 4: see where it goes. And so that's what I did. Yep, Pia,
• 4:52
  Speaker 4: and that brought me here.
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: Now you love it.
• 4:54
  Speaker 4: I do love it.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: And you have a house in Westchester.
• 4:56
  Speaker 4: Yes, so we were here in the city. But you
• 4:58
  Speaker 4: know me, I've always been like a little like more
• 5:00
  Speaker 4: Pump Springs in LA I've always been a little removed.
• 5:03
  Speaker 4: So I like the farm land up there. I love
• 5:05
  Speaker 4: the country. We're in the middle of nowhere. It's like wooded.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: It's like you're turning into Martha Sture at ross.
• 5:10
  Speaker 4: That's how you're something. We live near here, which we
• 5:12
  Speaker 4: were just invited to the house. We went to look
• 5:14
  Speaker 4: at the peonies.
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: Oh oh oh did you Okay? So yes, not even
• 5:17
  Speaker 1: a joke.
• 5:17
  Speaker 4: We live near her and we see her well.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: She's very social.
• 5:20
  Speaker 4: She likes actually tell you something. She is out and
• 5:22
  Speaker 4: about all the time.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, you have to be at that age.
• 5:24
  Speaker 4: Listen.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: If you don't fucking get your shit together and wake
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: up every single day and move around, you're gonna fucking
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: fall apart. You have to get more active the older
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: you get.
• 5:34
  Speaker 4: Are you active?
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: I like, I prefer day outings and I like to
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: be home at night. I like, for sure, I like
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: to drink have cocktails during the day. I don't love
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: to drink at night and then be hungover, you know
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: what I mean? Like, I like daytime events, socializing and
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: then being in bed at a reasonable out.
• 5:49
  Speaker 4: Okay, what time do you make a dinner reservation?
• 5:51
  Speaker 6: Like?
• 5:51
  Speaker 4: What is your dinner time?
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: It depends where I am in the world, I'm in Spain,
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: then I go out to dinner eight o'clock at night.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: At night, if I'm in La all I could have dinner.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: I'll turn it into a happy hour, do you know
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: what I mean?
• 6:01
  Speaker 4: Absolutely, we like five reservation because we can, we can
• 6:05
  Speaker 4: like dailly dally at dinner and you're still home by seven,
• 6:09
  Speaker 4: right you know daylight?
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Yes, But like I was in a viza for
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: a couple of nights, and of course I had dinners
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: at nine pm.
• 6:15
  Speaker 4: God, that would give me anxiety all day.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: But then you're on a different schedule, like and then
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: you also wake up at three in the afternoon because
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: you're out to five in the morning.
• 6:22
  Speaker 5: You know what I mean.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: It's a whole different when you.
• 6:24
  Speaker 4: When you get older, though, Like my wake up time
• 6:26
  Speaker 4: is five thirty, and I can go to bed at
• 6:27
  Speaker 4: nine pm, or I can go to bed at midnight
• 6:29
  Speaker 4: and I wake up at five thirty. Yes, you know
• 6:31
  Speaker 4: what I'm saying. That's aggressive, Yeah, it is aggressive. So
• 6:34
  Speaker 4: I'm very specific about a bedtime and a dinner time.
• 6:36
  Speaker 4: And I don't I don't go outside the I don't
• 6:38
  Speaker 4: color outside the lights ChEls.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: It's funny as we get older, like all the things
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: that kind of either cement into habits or don't. Like
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: I went through a phase where I would wake up
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: like I'm an early I'm definitely a morning persure. And
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: most people would think the opposite is true. They think, oh,
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: sheield be yep at night. For a long period of time,
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: I would wake up every morning six o'clock six thirty
• 6:57
  Speaker 1: in the morning, wherever I was in the world.
• 6:58
  Speaker 4: It doesn't surprise me because you achieve a lot. And
• 7:00
  Speaker 4: I think people that do that wake up early.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: Okay, okay, you you're welcome. But now I'm going through
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: this phase. And maybe it's because I'm a little jet
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: lag and I've been traveling. But now I'm going through
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: this phase where I just like I'm getting up early,
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: like I will get up early, but I have to
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: set an alte like I never have to set an alarm,
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: like I just know when it's time to go, sure,
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: you know, But like I would, I crave sleeping in,
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: like I want to sleep in till like ten or
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: thir ten or eleven, nothing past that, because then I
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: get a little anxiety.
• 7:27
  Speaker 4: That's never going to happen. I accept that I have
• 7:29
  Speaker 4: lived my life as an active senior since I was young.
• 7:31
  Speaker 4: This is you know what I mean? I love a
• 7:33
  Speaker 4: sensible shoe, I walk.
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: Do you take Boneva?
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: Not yet?
• 7:36
  Speaker 4: But fingers crossed? And who doesn't love a worthers? I
• 7:39
  Speaker 4: love a hard candy, a caramel. But I also still
• 7:42
  Speaker 4: allowed to have hard candies. I thought older people are
• 7:44
  Speaker 4: not allowed to have hard candy. Dentist out, Chelsea, it's easy.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: Well, that's nice for a couple of other things too.
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: Do you know what that's called when.
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: You tell the blow job?
• 7:53
  Speaker 4: Well, do you know what that's called? This one takes
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: a denture out and gives you one. What it's called
• 7:56
  Speaker 4: the velvet rub. I learned that in Palm Springs. Yeah, yeah,
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: you like that.
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: Yah, it's true.
• 8:00
  Speaker 4: You're welcome.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: That's pretty.
• 8:02
  Speaker 4: It is pretty and romantic. No, but I'd never enjoyed anyway.
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: The point is this, I love. I love the way
• 8:08
  Speaker 4: I live my life. Isn't that funny when you get
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: to a certain age. For me, it was like right now,
• 8:12
  Speaker 4: like mid forties is like I always thought, God, I
• 8:14
  Speaker 4: should be living a different way, and I realize that, No,
• 8:16
  Speaker 4: this is how I live it, and I really love it.
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: From Afar watching your maturation and like life, since I've
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: known you for over twenty years, I think it's I
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: think it's great that you've adapted to all of this stuff.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: You kind of have just gone whichever way the wind blows,
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: and you know, and that's the way you should live life.
• 8:33
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't want to fight it. I don't want
• 8:34
  Speaker 4: to fight the universe. I think you should just sort
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: of pay attention to what opens for you. And I
• 8:38
  Speaker 4: think if you're present and you make the most of
• 8:40
  Speaker 4: it and you pivot, that it can take you. Life
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: can take your extordinary ways. I think people are so
• 8:43
  Speaker 4: rigid and yeah, what they think they should be doing,
• 8:46
  Speaker 4: or who they think they should be, or who that
• 8:47
  Speaker 4: someone wants them to be. And that is exhausting to me.
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah, how do you see it, Wellington, Like, how do
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: you look at Because I think this is an interesting conversation,
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: especially for our listeners, because so many people are so
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: rigid with their goals and they're this is what's going
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: to happen by the time of twenty five, and this
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: is what's going to happen. And then I'm going to
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: be married by the time I'm thirty, and then I'm
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: going to have a baby by this time, and and
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: I find all of that rigidity to be very hostile. Well,
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: it's also.
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: It's narrow row, yes, and I think you miss out
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: well you talk.
• 9:14
  Speaker 5: I totally agree with you. I think it's limiting, and
• 9:17
  Speaker 5: you know, because then you're ultimately just caught between a
• 9:20
  Speaker 5: little box that you're trying to like check off all
• 9:22
  Speaker 5: the time. And so you know, I'm all about like
• 9:24
  Speaker 5: just getting rid of all that and just doing what
• 9:26
  Speaker 5: you need to do for yourself and whatever makes you happy.
• 9:29
  Speaker 6: Right.
• 9:29
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I do think it's important to be goal oriented,
• 9:31
  Speaker 4: but then I just think you will miss stuff if
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: you're not paying attention to every everything and open to anything.
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah, being open though, like you don't have to Plans
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: can change and even goals can change.
• 9:44
  Speaker 4: Yes, and by the way, you can change and you
• 9:46
  Speaker 4: can change your mind.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: Right, but and how do you feel? Well, you guys
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: just wrote this book, first of all, congratulations called it's
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: called t you and TiO so cute.
• 9:54
  Speaker 4: It's which means uncle and uncle right in Spanish.
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: Yes, because you're pre.
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: The para.
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: Nolo perfect amente bero.
• 10:16
  Speaker 4: So yeah, fill me in.
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: I mean, I'm just trying, like I try really hard.
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: To learn the language. I'm not there yet, but I
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: get better and better. My issue, I mean, I take
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: classes all the time, and I go through phases where
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: I'm just constantly immersing myself in Spanish. But my problem.
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: I can understand it, I can read it, I can
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: write it, but I can't speak quickly back and forth
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: doing this. So one thing I could do in you know, English,
• 10:40
  Speaker 1: that's like the easiest thing in the world, is like,
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: because I'm such a grammarian, I have to say everything perfectly,
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: and as soon as I get into a conversation and
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: it goes too quick, I'm like.
• 10:50
  Speaker 4: So you can write it because you can delete and
• 10:52
  Speaker 4: perfect and.
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: No, I can write it because I am looking at
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: the whole scope of things and I can really take
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: my time. And so if I were talking, I have
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: to speak like Joe tango nessitarla despasio, like I have
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: to speak slowly to get all the words right, so
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: I can't just like math it up.
• 11:09
  Speaker 4: I think it's so hot that, you know, I love
• 11:10
  Speaker 4: that he knows Spanish. When he speaks Spanish, it's so
• 11:12
  Speaker 4: fast and good.
• 11:15
  Speaker 1: That's where I'm going to get at one point. I'm
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: never giving up, so well.
• 11:18
  Speaker 5: I'll be your private tutor.
• 11:19
  Speaker 1: Thank you. I appreciate any.
• 11:20
  Speaker 4: Time I can't even rule my arms. Do you know
• 11:26
  Speaker 4: that I believe that that's as good as I can do?
• 11:30
  Speaker 1: So well, Well, when first, I want to talk about
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: the book. Okay, so to and To it's two uncles.
• 11:35
  Speaker 1: You wrote it for little children who have two uncles.
• 11:39
  Speaker 4: Well, it's about it's not even about us, it's about
• 11:41
  Speaker 4: our nephews. It's a true story about our nephews who
• 11:44
  Speaker 4: are our ring bears at our wedding. And Wellington saw
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: them doing something at our wedding day and told me
• 11:49
  Speaker 4: after and and do you want to tell them?
• 11:51
  Speaker 6: Yeah?
• 11:51
  Speaker 5: So they were literally so nervous walking down the aisle,
• 11:54
  Speaker 5: like practicing rehearsing. And I saw that my brother in
• 11:57
  Speaker 5: law kind of just saying, you know, we have to rehearse,
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: we have to practice. And they were just literally no, lie,
• 12:02
  Speaker 5: just nervous out of their minds.
• 12:04
  Speaker 4: Like practicing, like how do we walk? How do we
• 12:07
  Speaker 4: do it? And the fact that they wanted to take
• 12:09
  Speaker 4: it so seriously and wanted to contribute to the wedding
• 12:12
  Speaker 4: in like a profound way, like they really wanted to
• 12:14
  Speaker 4: do a good job for us. We just thought that
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: was like kind of a great lesson for kids that
• 12:19
  Speaker 4: no matter your age or the impact that you're allowed
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: to have as a kid, you matter to your family
• 12:25
  Speaker 4: in a big way. And taking that role seriously, we
• 12:27
  Speaker 4: thought was a great lesson in Wellington as an educator,
• 12:30
  Speaker 4: there's a lot of meat on this bone in terms
• 12:32
  Speaker 4: of having a conversation with kids about their importance and
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: their value.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: And well not only of their importance and value, but
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: it's also nice that they cared so much about it, right, Yeah,
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: Like that's also a good lesson. To care about something
• 12:44
  Speaker 1: means or to be nervous about something means that you.
• 12:46
  Speaker 4: Do care about it exactly, and then it's okay to
• 12:48
  Speaker 4: be nervous and it's okay to take it seriously and
• 12:50
  Speaker 4: that you know you can have an important role no
• 12:53
  Speaker 4: matter what age you are or whatever role you play
• 12:55
  Speaker 4: in the family. And it was great to write it.
• 12:57
  Speaker 4: And you know, he's like a really smart he does.
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: And so when we decided to write the children book,
• 13:02
  Speaker 4: I was like, I'm not going to write a story,
• 13:03
  Speaker 4: let's go, and I was missing out on so much.
• 13:05
  Speaker 4: When he would read what we wrote, he's like, there's
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: a lot more conversations you can have in terms.
• 13:09
  Speaker 5: Of well, like as a teacher, you know, as a
• 13:12
  Speaker 5: primary teacher that it used to be it's important to
• 13:14
  Speaker 5: ensure that we have vocabulary in there, right, so that
• 13:16
  Speaker 5: way our kids are exposed. So the best way to
• 13:19
  Speaker 5: kind of really get kids to motivate it to actually
• 13:22
  Speaker 5: read is teaching them background knowledge, right and also bringing
• 13:25
  Speaker 5: up vocabulary. And so in the book, I made sure
• 13:28
  Speaker 5: to like use big words so that way the parents
• 13:31
  Speaker 5: can actually have a talking point, you know, and our
• 13:33
  Speaker 5: teachers to have an actual talking point. So a lot
• 13:35
  Speaker 5: of things are in there, especially like even science terms
• 13:39
  Speaker 5: that I put in there about whales and baiannas. So
• 13:42
  Speaker 5: those kind of things just come alive in the story,
• 13:44
  Speaker 5: especially the illustrations that Tommy Doyle did. They're just phenomenal. Honestly.
• 13:48
  Speaker 5: The colors just they just sing.
• 13:50
  Speaker 4: Are you like when when he talks about kids, it's right,
• 13:53
  Speaker 4: I don't know who they talk to kids at all.
• 13:55
  Speaker 4: I get anxiety. You know what kids always say to me,
• 13:57
  Speaker 4: are you a boy or girl?
• 13:58
  Speaker 5: Oh?
• 13:58
  Speaker 4: My god, all the time. I know, so I'm always
• 14:02
  Speaker 4: like hi, I try to butcher it up for kids,
• 14:04
  Speaker 4: you know, so they're not confused.
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but you're butchering it up is basically and day.
• 14:09
  Speaker 4: Right, No, I try it to be Arthur.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: Well, well, tell me about, like to circle back to
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: what we were talking about about, like taking life and
• 14:20
  Speaker 1: being open minded enough when there are changes. Tell me
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: about like your relationship with Russ Did that happen for you?
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: Did that change any of your plans in life because
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: you had your career before you met him, you were
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: already living here. Yes, so it was very serendipitous that
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: he actually got that show right to come here.
• 14:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah, it really, I mean it worked out in terms
• 14:40
  Speaker 5: of my life and what's changed. I still, you know,
• 14:43
  Speaker 5: have the same kind of like nine to five kind
• 14:45
  Speaker 5: of schedule. I work all year around, so not much
• 14:49
  Speaker 5: has changed. The only thing that has changed is that
• 14:50
  Speaker 5: we've been relocating, you know, in terms of finding that
• 14:53
  Speaker 5: place that we can really call home, you know, and
• 14:56
  Speaker 5: it was important for me to have him really round it,
• 15:00
  Speaker 5: you know, and to feel like this is his home
• 15:02
  Speaker 5: because I know how much he's left behind in order
• 15:05
  Speaker 5: to bring himself here. So I wanted to make sure
• 15:08
  Speaker 5: that that was just part of the equation. And so
• 15:11
  Speaker 5: he's just phenomenal, as you know, he's genuine the sweetiest
• 15:15
  Speaker 5: person I've ever ever have encountered in my life. And
• 15:18
  Speaker 5: that's and I'm not lying. He's hysterical, hilarious Ross Matthews.
• 15:22
  Speaker 5: There's a reason why he's always always makes me laugh
• 15:25
  Speaker 5: no matter what.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 15:27
  Speaker 5: That's our love language, honestly, and I think that's what
• 15:29
  Speaker 5: really keeps us together. And he's so positive and honestly
• 15:34
  Speaker 5: I thought that it was all like a gimmick, but no,
• 15:38
  Speaker 5: this is him, this is him one and I really
• 15:40
  Speaker 5: do enjoy that.
• 15:41
  Speaker 4: Wouldn't it be fun?
• 15:44
  Speaker 1: Though?
• 15:44
  Speaker 4: If I was awful?
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: I'm sure some people are. Though I'm sure some people
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: are acting night. I mean, hello, yeah.
• 15:52
  Speaker 6: We we.
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: Know, but I mean everyone knows that. You know, there's
• 15:57
  Speaker 1: a big facade that people put on. So it's really
• 15:59
  Speaker 1: nice to know that there is a genuineness that you
• 16:02
  Speaker 1: can actually be an upbeat person and mean it. You're
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: not faking it totally.
• 16:06
  Speaker 4: And not a Pollyanne. I don't want to a pollian.
• 16:08
  Speaker 4: If something sucks, we can say it sucks, you know,
• 16:10
  Speaker 4: but like right away pivot to what can we do
• 16:12
  Speaker 4: to make it better? You know, I've always it served
• 16:15
  Speaker 4: me well to always sort of vibrate in a place
• 16:16
  Speaker 4: of happiness that really and by the way, he does too.
• 16:20
  Speaker 4: And I think it's important to me to be with
• 16:22
  Speaker 4: somebody who is very really that you know that's always
• 16:28
  Speaker 4: number one good looking, no, but really is fluid in
• 16:34
  Speaker 4: their energy. Does that make sense? Like somebody who's like
• 16:36
  Speaker 4: really rigid in who they are and want it their way.
• 16:40
  Speaker 4: And that's not fun. It's not for me. It's not
• 16:42
  Speaker 4: because I like to sort of say, like, how do
• 16:44
  Speaker 4: we feel about this, Let's want this, talk it out
• 16:46
  Speaker 4: and work it out. Oh god, you would hate being
• 16:48
  Speaker 4: with me, you would hate it.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: I think, Yeah, I forgot I wanted to. Yeah, yeah,
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: I don't have the attention span for that.
• 16:56
  Speaker 4: Do you think if I was straight back in the
• 16:58
  Speaker 4: day that you and I would have hooked up.
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: I can't even imagine.
• 17:03
  Speaker 4: That you never thought about it late at night.
• 17:07
  Speaker 1: It's very hard for me to suspend my disbelief in
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: such a way. But I mean, I do appreciate, I
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: do appreciate having the attitude of like, not the attitude
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: of gratitude. A that's that. That is true. Life is
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: better when you're in a better mood period. As soon
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: as you're in a shitty mood, everything goes wrong.
• 17:29
  Speaker 4: And you can control that a little bit. You can
• 17:31
  Speaker 4: perspective a couple breaths. You can decide how you react.
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: To things, like if you know you miss your flight, Like,
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: there's two ways to handle that. If you want to
• 17:38
  Speaker 1: throw a fit, then you're going to be in that
• 17:40
  Speaker 1: space for a long time. You're going to affect other
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: people in a negative way. You're gonna you know, Or
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: you can be like, whoopsie doodle, I miss my flight.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: Now what let's go at a bar. Let's go to
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: the bar, Let's go get a book, or let's go
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: have a good day at the airport. Yeah, so like
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: there's two ways to handle everything.
• 17:55
  Speaker 4: But it's hard to remember that sometimes it is. It is,
• 17:58
  Speaker 4: but I don't know. It just really served me so
• 17:59
  Speaker 4: well I think in life.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, as we can see. And so what was
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: your biggest thing that you did? Was there anything when
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: you guys got together that you had to overcome that.
• 18:08
  Speaker 4: Was like that's fun? What do we fight about, Like
• 18:14
  Speaker 4: what's our biggest Wellington's big penis And.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: I'm sorry we're talking about children's but.
• 18:23
  Speaker 4: Do you know the worst thing that I do? So
• 18:25
  Speaker 4: I have a small chihuahua, of course, Audrey. She has
• 18:29
  Speaker 4: bold eyebrows. She's named after Audrey Hepburn and I take
• 18:32
  Speaker 4: her out for poopsies and peepe's every day, multiple times
• 18:35
  Speaker 4: to the back door, and I lock it when I
• 18:38
  Speaker 4: leave when I come back in, you know, because I
• 18:40
  Speaker 4: am a protector and I want to make sure everyone's safe.
• 18:43
  Speaker 4: And so when well whenever Welly goes out to the pool,
• 18:46
  Speaker 4: I lock the door, you know. And so he tries
• 18:49
  Speaker 4: to come in, and multiple times a week he's pounding
• 18:53
  Speaker 4: on the back door to be let in because instinctually
• 18:55
  Speaker 4: I just lock it. That is the most annoying thing
• 18:58
  Speaker 4: that I do. That is annoying that I'm like, it's
• 19:01
  Speaker 4: just us.
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: Seriously, right, what So can you stop doing that?
• 19:06
  Speaker 4: I tell myself to stop doing it and.
• 19:08
  Speaker 1: Maybe you can get hypnotized. That's my new answers to
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: everybody who's got problems hypnotized. I don't want to do
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: it like on a hymnsis for everything.
• 19:15
  Speaker 4: But I have to. I would. I would want a
• 19:17
  Speaker 4: an independent party watching me get hypnotized. I don'tant to
• 19:21
  Speaker 4: be alone in a room with somebody hypnotizing me and
• 19:23
  Speaker 4: then wake up what happened?
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: Film?
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: I want you to die I'm sure there's that too.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: You could probably hire a third party person that watches
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: you get hypnotized so that you don't get like finger
• 19:31
  Speaker 1: blasted while you're getting.
• 19:34
  Speaker 4: You know what I mean, how long sin I've heard
• 19:37
  Speaker 4: the term finger blasted. I want to thank you for
• 19:39
  Speaker 4: bringing up back no problem, I will handedly. I was,
• 19:42
  Speaker 4: I was, I know. I was with this.
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: Woman the other night, this German woman who was telling
• 19:47
  Speaker 1: me that she had this adult onset fear of flying,
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: that she's flown all over the world and she's never
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: had an issue. And she's like, and now I'm scared
• 19:53
  Speaker 1: to death of flying. And I'm like, you have to
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: go get hypnotized, and she's like, hypnotized, what do you mean.
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: I'm like, there's hypnotists all over the world that to
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: help you with flying, especially if it's an adult onset thing,
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: like if it just started the sooner it starts, like
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: the sooner you nip it in the bud, the sooner
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: you can get rid of it. And it's my philosophy. Sure,
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: I would think if you all of a sudden have
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: this crazy fear, that you can Anyway, this woman emailed
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: me this morning and she's like, oh my god, I
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: found a hypnotist in Germany. I'm going it's three sessions,
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: three separate weeks. I have to go for three weeks
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: in a row. And she's like, thank you so much.
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: I had no idea about hypnotists, and I'm like, really,
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: I'm like, are we just only getting Are there only
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: hypnotists in Los Angeles?
• 20:30
  Speaker 6: Like?
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: What about Switzerland? They've got to be up to some
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: shit like that too.
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: But it's not the first place I go to to
• 20:35
  Speaker 4: think hypnotists. Have you had a hypnotist experience that really
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: worked for you?
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: Yeah? For smoking? I mean, now I'll smoke once in
• 20:40
  Speaker 1: a while, but I did smoke for ten years and
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: a hypnotist did it. Yeah, three times. I went to
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: doctor Kerry Gaynor in La Okay, and he was for smoking.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: But I'm sure he did planes too, you know what
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: I mean.
• 20:50
  Speaker 4: Can I ask a question when you're hypnotized, do you
• 20:53
  Speaker 4: feel what's happening? Are you aware of everything as it's going?
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: But I was, But you are involuntarily responding to them.
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: You're in a very relaxed state. So while you're like
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: going okay, ten nine eight, you're going down the stairs,
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: you're going down another set of stairs. They're just getting
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: you to the most relaxed state and you're still conscious,
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: like you you're you're aware of what's going on. You're
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: just trusting the technique, like you're just like, it's not
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: like he could have fucked me and I wouldn't have known.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: I was, I was awake, but choosing to go along
• 21:24
  Speaker 1: with it, Like I was like, there's no way this
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: is gonna work. But it did. Ten on the third time.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: The third time is the time where you're done, Like
• 21:31
  Speaker 1: then you quit smoking. Like the first time he tells
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: you about how disgusting smoking is, blah blah blah. You're gross,
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: you're polluting your lungs, you're putting you might as well
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: be like breathing in carcinogens. You're like, oh my god,
• 21:42
  Speaker 1: I feel like such a dirty whore. Yeah, you're the
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: second time, you're gross. And then on the third time
• 21:46
  Speaker 1: he's like, okay, you won't, you won't. I'm like, can
• 21:48
  Speaker 1: I hang out with my friends that smoke? Do I
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: have to avoid them? He's like, no, no, no, you'll
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: never want to have a cigarette. And for ten years
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: I really did it. Wow. Now once in a while,
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: if I'm in Europe, and people are smoking. I'll smoke
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: a cigarette here or doesn't help. Yeah, I don't think
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: you can get cancer in your eye, nothing, at least
• 22:00
  Speaker 1: that's what I keep telling myself.
• 22:02
  Speaker 4: This is fascinating, Chelsea, that you did get I want
• 22:04
  Speaker 4: to try it.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: But you could do it for all sorts of things,
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: like if people have like I've a rector. I don't
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: have a rectify, but we have snakes. I'm scared of snakes. Yes,
• 22:11
  Speaker 1: I don't like, but I'm not going to a hypnotist
• 22:13
  Speaker 1: about that because it's not like I'm running into snakes
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: all exactly.
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: Who you Steve, It's not happening, right, yes.
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: Right, I've actually been deer with Okay, so are you okay? Okay?
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: I love that I relate most to her understood out
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: of the family. You could go for like if you're
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: a picker, you know you picked yours and your nails,
• 22:29
  Speaker 1: and you need to get hypnotized for that.
• 22:30
  Speaker 4: I would do.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: It's all sorts of bad habits.
• 22:32
  Speaker 4: Basically, I wonder if they have a hypnotist specifically for
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: people who locked the door behind their chihuahua. You know
• 22:36
  Speaker 4: what I'm saying.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: I think you just need a hide a key for
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: that good point car.
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: Or you could get a callar for ross to wear
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: and every time the door is locked, you zap ross
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: like so that you don't go out of bounds. That's
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: actually much quicker way to get to the point, because
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: I bet you he won't make that mistake more than twice.
• 23:00
  Speaker 4: Or I'll just keep making it because I like it
• 23:01
  Speaker 4: a little bit.
• 23:02
  Speaker 1: Or you put the out a different area and that,
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: but I would try him no, no, So that that
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: sounds fun. Yeah, I think. Well, now ozempic or whatever
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: GLS five whenever anyone's on, I take tepetide. But now
• 23:15
  Speaker 1: those things kind of cut out all of the bad
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: habits too. So if you have a like if you're
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: a sugar addict, if you're an alcoholic, if you're a
• 23:21
  Speaker 1: drug addict, A lot of people take those and then
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: they don't they don't have like I know, reals. When
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: I started taking ozempic, I completely could not drink vodka.
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: I was so grossed out and I was like, who whoa, whoa,
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to stop drinking, like I'm going to
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: find a work around.
• 23:34
  Speaker 4: Yeah, get this, So that isn't out of me.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: So then I started drinking gin tanker a gin, and
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I can drink this, so I'll
• 23:40
  Speaker 1: drink that really. Yeah, So it kind of like changes
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: your appetite for things interesting. But if you're an addict,
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: it can make you really not want anything fascinating. So
• 23:48
  Speaker 1: that's that's good, you know. I mean, people, that's the
• 23:51
  Speaker 1: biggest problem I think is a food, alcohol, drug, sugar addiction.
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: All that shit right.
• 23:56
  Speaker 4: Thank god I shared that riveting chihuahua locked door story
• 23:59
  Speaker 4: that brought us all the way here.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: You know, it's a full circle moment.
• 24:02
  Speaker 4: What a risk I took it. I paid off time
• 24:04
  Speaker 4: to take a chihuahua break. We'll be right back with it, Tom.
• 24:07
  Speaker 4: We'll be right back with Tom.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: Broke off everybody, and okay, we'll be right back with
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: Tom and his chihuahua. And we're back, okay, right back
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: with Wellington and Ross and who are a happily married couple.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: How many years have you guys been married?
• 24:26
  Speaker 6: Now?
• 24:26
  Speaker 5: I've got three years now.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: Oh, I've always been together five years. Yeah. Oh, it
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: feels like longer than that, it does.
• 24:32
  Speaker 4: It feels like, I mean, that seems it doesn't seem
• 24:34
  Speaker 4: like a short time, five years together, But I do
• 24:37
  Speaker 4: feel like life really began when I met Wellington? For me,
• 24:40
  Speaker 4: it really in terms of it all coming together and
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: being myself and fighting home. Yeah, really finding home great
• 24:47
  Speaker 4: way to say it.
• 24:47
  Speaker 1: Really I feel that way too, because when I think
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: of you, I always think of Wellington like you're a fixture.
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: You're You're like a cup. You know, it's not one
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: or the other. You guys come together as a package.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: And I understand what you're saying when you say life
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: began with him, because I think a lot of people
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: who are in really healthy, grounded relationships, do you feel
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: like that's when their life began. I remember being young
• 25:06
  Speaker 1: and not thinking my life was going to begin until
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: I was successful. Like that for me was a marker.
• 25:11
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, this is all just practice until I
• 25:14
  Speaker 1: begin my real life totally.
• 25:15
  Speaker 4: And that's not to discount who we were before we
• 25:17
  Speaker 4: met each other. All of that was important, we mattered,
• 25:19
  Speaker 4: we were there, but in terms I mean, RuPaul told
• 25:22
  Speaker 4: me one time that life begins really when you're forty,
• 25:24
  Speaker 4: and I didn't understand what that meant until I was
• 25:26
  Speaker 4: forty and I happened to meet Wellngthn then as well,
• 25:29
  Speaker 4: And it really is about you you. You have made
• 25:32
  Speaker 4: all the mistakes, you know, and so if you've touched
• 25:34
  Speaker 4: the stove you know it was hot, you're not going
• 25:36
  Speaker 4: to touch it again. I stopped doing the.
• 25:39
  Speaker 1: Most of us, most of us, some people don't stop
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: doing anything.
• 25:42
  Speaker 4: Well, when I think that's when you become a grown up, Like, yeah,
• 25:45
  Speaker 4: when you start doing stop doing the shit that that
• 25:48
  Speaker 4: hurts you, that's when I think you really become a
• 25:49
  Speaker 4: grown up.
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: M Yeah. I feel like when I turned fifty this year,
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: that was like, Okay, I'm a woman, like a full
• 25:57
  Speaker 1: fledged woman, Like you can't tell me. Not that you
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: couldn't tell you could tell me what to do before,
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: but there's a different there's a different maturity, Like I'm
• 26:05
  Speaker 1: not responsible for your feelings. I don't overthink things. I'm
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: not over analyzing anything. You're not going to break me.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: I'm too strong and fierce.
• 26:14
  Speaker 4: So what is that You describe what it's like? But
• 26:15
  Speaker 4: what does it feel like to be on that place,
• 26:17
  Speaker 4: to be to have that sort of power?
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: Just feel so strong, Like I just feel like weef
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: were day, you know, like like like a tree, Like
• 26:25
  Speaker 1: I just feel like a real like starting tree. Like
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: I can be annoyed. I could be tired, I can
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: get bad news, I can be all of those things.
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: But you're really like, I'm kind of unshakable at this point,
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: and not kind of I am unshakable at this point,
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: like you're not going to get me. Yeah, what I mean,
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: knock me over. Before I felt like, oh, I could
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: go through phases where I was weak, or I was
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: I was emotional, or I would be fragile, and it's like, no, no, no,
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: I'm not even if I'm experiencing one of those things
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: that is just a little like it's it's not a
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: it's not going to affect me.
• 26:58
  Speaker 4: No, it doesn't mean no, it's not a point of
• 27:01
  Speaker 4: weakness or someone could shatter something. It's just you're feeling it.
• 27:03
  Speaker 4: But it's in strength. I get it what you're saying,
• 27:06
  Speaker 4: and I notice it.
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: Now more than I feel this way. When I meet
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: people who are very fragile or seemingly vulnerable, more vulnerable,
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I hope this woman gets to that
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: place where she understands her your essence and your worth
• 27:20
  Speaker 1: and yeah, you're worth, Like there's enough you've gotten so
• 27:23
  Speaker 1: far in this life and it's because of your actions.
• 27:28
  Speaker 4: Absolutely, And I think if people are listening to this
• 27:30
  Speaker 4: and they're feeling weak or fragile, Like, just know that that's
• 27:33
  Speaker 4: not a state that they have to be in forever.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: Now.
• 27:35
  Speaker 4: You will eventually get to a place of strength, right,
• 27:38
  Speaker 4: And you also.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: Start making like I like the decisions I make when
• 27:41
  Speaker 1: no one's watching, Like I'm proud of who I am
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: when nobody is looking or watching, that I do the
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: right thing, that I'm morally correct, that I'm actually doing
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: what's best for everyone, That I don't lie, that I
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: don't try to get out of things by lying, like
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: I'm always up front, and like I respect myself because
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: of that.
• 28:00
  Speaker 4: Huh, I know what I mean. It's like when I
• 28:01
  Speaker 4: see a piece of garbage or something and I pick
• 28:03
  Speaker 4: it up and no one's around, I think, God, I'm good,
• 28:06
  Speaker 4: so good.
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: That's right. That's exactly the kind of shit I'm talking
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: about the day the day.
• 28:12
  Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, but it really is. It's those little
• 28:14
  Speaker 4: things matter even if nobody's looking, you know, in terms
• 28:16
  Speaker 4: of what kind of person you want to be.
• 28:18
  Speaker 1: I guess maybe in my head, I feel like somebody's looking,
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: so I'm maybe.
• 28:22
  Speaker 4: Because what somebody is you're looking?
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess my it's I'm the one who's looking
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: like I'm always like, oh okay, because I'm like, God,
• 28:28
  Speaker 1: you know, when you think about that, I think there's
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: a period of time in your life where you're starting
• 28:31
  Speaker 1: to you want to be accountable, but you're like, who
• 28:34
  Speaker 1: am I accountable to? And I think the answer is
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: you're accountable to yourself. Really.
• 28:37
  Speaker 4: It's so I do that all the time where I
• 28:40
  Speaker 4: tell him something that i'm doing because I like, if
• 28:43
  Speaker 4: we were out and we go to dinner, I have
• 28:44
  Speaker 4: a martini. We come home and I have like I
• 28:46
  Speaker 4: don't want to hang out tomorrow, so all port just
• 28:48
  Speaker 4: I just want like a sparkling water with lemon. But
• 28:50
  Speaker 4: I'll say to him, I'm not having a drink. I'm
• 28:52
  Speaker 4: just having sparkling water lemon. He's like, okay, okay, right.
• 28:55
  Speaker 3: Right, why.
• 28:58
  Speaker 4: God, But I was like, I need say like, look,
• 29:00
  Speaker 4: I'm doing the right thing. I'm not annoying.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: Well, first of all, you can tell it's not a
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: drink because there's no fucking ice in it. Right.
• 29:06
  Speaker 4: Well, no, I still ice in everything you do. I
• 29:08
  Speaker 4: don't like a hot beverage.
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, honey, you don't have to tell
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: me twice.
• 29:11
  Speaker 4: Thank you?
• 29:12
  Speaker 1: When it's cold sparkling water. That's the only thing I
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: don't need ice in. If it's really cold sparkling water,
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: I don't need the ice because I find that the
• 29:18
  Speaker 1: ice dilutes the bubbles.
• 29:22
  Speaker 6: You know.
• 29:24
  Speaker 4: Of a blizzard and I'm having an iced American.
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: I don't want to listen. I just got back from Europe.
• 29:28
  Speaker 1: You don't have to talk to me about ice and
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: want to bring your own I want. Yeah, the icebergs
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: are melting, and my big idea is to turn those
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: into fucking ice cubes. Okay, what do we have going on, Catherine?
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: We have a couple great callers. Our first caller is Joey. Okay,
• 29:44
  Speaker 2: he says, Dear Chelsea, I'm listening to your podcast while
• 29:48
  Speaker 2: doing my ketamin therapy dog walk, and I'm wondering if
• 29:52
  Speaker 2: you have any advice for me. I'm a thirty nine
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: year old bartender and recovering drug addict, and my partner
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: is a thirty five year old firefighter paramedic slash walking
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: Excel spreadsheet. He doesn't seem to be interested in getting
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: in touch with his quote unquote feelings, and I've been
• 30:06
  Speaker 2: pushing him to connect and all that to benefit our
• 30:09
  Speaker 2: relationship over the past six years. But how do I,
• 30:12
  Speaker 2: an audihd emotionally unstable piece of swamp trash, convince him
• 30:17
  Speaker 2: a successful and literal life saver, of the importance of
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: emotional vulnerability and connection. He has literally said, it just
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: sucks that the thing I need to work on, quote
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: unquote happens to be what makes me so good at
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: my job. Am I crazy? He thinks that being a
• 30:33
  Speaker 2: dismissive avoidant has given him a leg up in his career.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: I think he's robbing himself in the long run. This
• 30:39
  Speaker 2: man is amazing and I love him to death. However,
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: I can't seem to gain any traction with the idea
• 30:43
  Speaker 2: that emotions are important. I'm not asking him to cry
• 30:47
  Speaker 2: while he in debates a patient. I just think he
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: could be a better human, partner, medic and leader if
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: he were able to allow himself to feel with boundaries
• 30:55
  Speaker 2: instead of not at all. I don't know, Maybe it's
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: the key. Should I lace his smoothie with la Dusty cheers?
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: Joey, Hi, Joey, how are you good? Wellington are here today?
• 31:10
  Speaker 2: Hi?
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: I mean, well, they can speak to being in a couple,
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: but I mean it's really not your job to get
• 31:14
  Speaker 1: somebody else to figure out what their emotional mindset is
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: going to is or their growth mindset is going to be.
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: Like everyone has to kind of come on to that
• 31:25
  Speaker 1: they're in their own way and if they decide to
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: do it, some people never do it. But it's really
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: hard to be told you have to get better with
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: your emotions.
• 31:35
  Speaker 4: Yeah, right, listen. I think it's great that you have
• 31:37
  Speaker 4: sort of said to your your partner, like, hey, this
• 31:39
  Speaker 4: is what I think you'd benefit from this, But it's
• 31:42
  Speaker 4: kind of up to him to be who or him
• 31:45
  Speaker 4: or I guess him, right.
• 31:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I just assume we don't have any straight men
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: calling into this podcast.
• 31:52
  Speaker 4: But it's up to them to be who they are.
• 31:54
  Speaker 4: And like, the truth is, you kind of have to
• 31:56
  Speaker 4: like decide that you just love them as is too.
• 31:58
  Speaker 4: If they don't have any growth, you know, you can,
• 32:00
  Speaker 4: but you can't dictate it.
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: Yeah. I like work on myself so much, and so
• 32:04
  Speaker 3: when I see someone who's just like, no, I like
• 32:06
  Speaker 3: the way I like me the way I am. If
• 32:08
  Speaker 3: you want someone more emotionally available, you know, go find them.
• 32:11
  Speaker 1: I'm like, really, well, there's also this thing with a
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: spiritual like I'm not saying you're a spiritual narcissist, but
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: there can be people when they're working on themselves, they
• 32:23
  Speaker 1: can kind of have a superiority complex, thinking, Oh, look
• 32:26
  Speaker 1: at all this work I'm doing. You're taking care of meane,
• 32:28
  Speaker 1: walks with the dog, you're in touch with yourself emotionally, like, oh,
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: why you need to work on yourself. It's kind of
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: like you don't get to tell somebody else what work
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: they need to do. If you're going to be in
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: that relationship with him, you can leave him and then
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: be like, oh, yeah, you're not mature enough or spiritual
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: enough or emotionally in touch with yourself enough. But if
• 32:49
  Speaker 1: you're in the relationship and you're choosing to be there
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: and you're doing your work, if anything, you should be
• 32:54
  Speaker 1: focusing on your work, and that's it, and that's going
• 32:57
  Speaker 1: to lead you to a place of either acceptance or
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: you're going to be like, oh, I reject this relationship.
• 33:01
  Speaker 1: I need somebody who's more in touch with their emotions.
• 33:03
  Speaker 4: It's almost like like just to relate it to something.
• 33:06
  Speaker 4: If you were like renovating your house and you were
• 33:08
  Speaker 4: really proud of your brand new kitchen and you went
• 33:10
  Speaker 4: into somebody else's house in kitchen and told them they
• 33:12
  Speaker 4: needed to renovate it. It's it wouldn't It's just not fair,
• 33:14
  Speaker 4: you know what I'm saying, Like that's their kitchen and
• 33:17
  Speaker 4: they've got their choice with how to decorate, and so,
• 33:20
  Speaker 4: you know, I think take care of you and decide
• 33:22
  Speaker 4: if you can live with somebody like that.
• 33:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, no, that that makes sense. I hear you on
• 33:27
  Speaker 3: that for sure.
• 33:28
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: I like your kitchen by the way.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: I can see it done.
• 33:32
  Speaker 3: Tons of work on my kitchen.
• 33:33
  Speaker 4: You don't need to do a single Yeah understood.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: How long have you been taking ketamine?
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: Probably like a year.
• 33:40
  Speaker 1: How frequently do you take it?
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: Maybe twice a month?
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: Oh well, that sounds good.
• 33:46
  Speaker 4: How has that helped you? I'm not I don't know
• 33:48
  Speaker 4: the benefits of it necessarily. Can you tell us.
• 33:50
  Speaker 3: So for me? Like I've always just hated myself a lot.
• 33:53
  Speaker 6: And uh.
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: And you get these lenses that you built up, and
• 33:57
  Speaker 3: ketamine just like disassociates you from your and all those
• 34:01
  Speaker 3: lenses that you have like faggot, idiots, stupid, whatever you've
• 34:05
  Speaker 3: got that you see yourself worked. You know, it takes
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: them all away so you can see what other people see.
• 34:11
  Speaker 3: I guess and it can be really powerful.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: Oh that's beautiful.
• 34:15
  Speaker 4: Wow, I'm so glad you're able to see what we see.
• 34:17
  Speaker 4: We've known you for thirty five seconds and I don't
• 34:18
  Speaker 4: think any of those words. Okay, So just so you know,
• 34:20
  Speaker 4: I'm glad. I'm glad you can see that.
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: I appreciate it. It has come to that point where I
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: have to either accept it accept this man, which I
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: always have. It just does get frustrating because I'm like,
• 34:32
  Speaker 3: I go to therapy every fucking week and like look
• 34:35
  Speaker 3: for things to fix about me, right.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: Right, But that's you. And also like some people don't
• 34:41
  Speaker 1: run into that roadblock at the time that you want
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: them to run into that roadblock. Like people only do
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: the work on themselves when they realize something's not working
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: for them. They're not just gonna go Like if everything's
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: going great for him and its boyfriend is saying, oh,
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: you need to go to therapy, that's not enough of
• 34:55
  Speaker 1: a reason unless there's major problems between the two of you,
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: and then he would have a choice about whether or
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: not he wants to go talk about it. But like,
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: it's really not up to us to tell other people
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: what to do with their emotions.
• 35:06
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I think you could suggest once or twice, but
• 35:09
  Speaker 4: then we just have to love people who they are,
• 35:11
  Speaker 4: you know.
• 35:11
  Speaker 3: It's when it like you know, pops up. Stay Like
• 35:15
  Speaker 3: intimacy right is really hard if you're not willing to
• 35:18
  Speaker 3: be vulnerable. So so I crave that intimacy. And that's
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: whenever I kind of end up mentioning something about God,
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: like I just want you to be here, present, emotionally vulnerable,
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: and he has a really hard time doing it right
• 35:35
  Speaker 3: and he doesn't want to change that because he's an
• 35:38
  Speaker 3: amazing hero.
• 35:40
  Speaker 1: Wow.
• 35:40
  Speaker 4: Well, I mean it's also maybe you define vulnerability differently,
• 35:43
  Speaker 4: you know, and you can't dictate that for somebody else.
• 35:45
  Speaker 4: So I would just work on maybe just seeing him
• 35:47
  Speaker 4: for who he is and value him for that.
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I know I do love this person. I just
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: I knew that I needed some outside perspective.
• 35:55
  Speaker 4: So well, I hope he gave it to you.
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, so definitely, Okay.
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: All right, thanks for Joey by Joey.
• 36:04
  Speaker 2: But I feel like there often is like one partner
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: who is a little bit more emotional and one who's
• 36:10
  Speaker 2: less emotional. Like my parents, My dad is much more
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: emotional than my mom is I'm more emotional than my
• 36:15
  Speaker 2: husband is.
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: Well, definitely, there's different levels of emotion, but there's also
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: being in touch with your emotions like certain people, because
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: that's a total lack of intimacy too. Before I went
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: to therapy, I didn't have any intimacy with any of
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: my partners. There was no intimacy because I was invulnerable.
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: I couldn't. I was invulnerable. So like, those things do
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: go together. But some people go through life like that
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: and that doesn't seem to be a problem. I mean
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: for them, you know, you have to hit a wall
• 36:39
  Speaker 1: of some sort.
• 36:39
  Speaker 4: You absolutely do. I mean, well that's life, right. That's
• 36:42
  Speaker 4: what we were talking about earlier in the show, is
• 36:44
  Speaker 4: these you're making those mistakes, you learning those lessons and
• 36:47
  Speaker 4: becoming who you want to be. Do you feel totally
• 36:48
  Speaker 4: vulnerable now? Are you able to go to that place
• 36:50
  Speaker 4: when you're with somebody?
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah? But I mean I could go to that place
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: with somebody that's a non romantic partner, but I'd have
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: to really be Yeah, I can go there with anybody really. Yeah.
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: I don't have to be in love with somebody to
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: be like vulnerable or like uh yeah, yeah, but I'm
• 37:06
  Speaker 1: also I'm just not that vulnerable. You know what I mean?
• 37:10
  Speaker 4: I do know what you mean. Like, that's what I'm saying.
• 37:12
  Speaker 4: You have to define it for each other.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: Right, Like I don't want Yeah, Like if I think
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: about my desires about connecting with a man, it's not
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: on It's not that level. Like I don't need to
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: be looking into your eyes and you telling me how
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: much I love you and I say about you're in
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: the totally different vibe for me exactly is loved?
• 37:28
  Speaker 4: I think so too.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, uh huh.
• 37:30
  Speaker 4: Like I don't need to be sobbing in your arms
• 37:32
  Speaker 4: and raping as we hold each other.
• 37:34
  Speaker 1: Exactly to be intimate. Yeah, that's a bit much for me.
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: I'm good and for most of us. What else we got?
• 37:39
  Speaker 2: Catherine Well, Our next caller is Heather, and she says,
• 37:44
  Speaker 2: dear Chelsea. I started doing drag in twenty fourteen, a
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: few years after moving to San Francisco from the South,
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: perpetually a late bloomer. I was thirty nine when I started,
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: and it took that long for me to realize I
• 37:55
  Speaker 2: could be a drag queen. As a sis woman, I
• 37:58
  Speaker 2: quickly joined a weekly show at midnight on a Tuesday
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: at one of San Francisco's oldest gay bars, the stud
• 38:04
  Speaker 2: as well as other gigs as I could get them.
• 38:06
  Speaker 2: It was never my full time job, but it did
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: use a significant amount of my time and creativity. In return,
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: I discovered my sexuality, sense of gender, a great group
• 38:15
  Speaker 2: of friends, a newfound confidence, wild creativity, and a best
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: friend who became my wife now of over five years.
• 38:22
  Speaker 2: When COVID hit, both my wife and I stopped doing
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: drag almost entirely. In twenty twenty two, we moved to Portland, Oregon,
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: a place with lots of drag opportunities. Both of us
• 38:31
  Speaker 2: miss what drag brought to our lives, so we sought
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: out some easy opportunities to perform, primarily at a community
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: center which has a great, big audience but is low pressure.
• 38:41
  Speaker 4: But some things changed.
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: The problem I'm finding is that shows now cause me
• 38:44
  Speaker 2: complete overwhelm, exhaustion, and a feeling of burnout. Since I'm
• 38:48
  Speaker 2: doing just one show every few months. One of the
• 38:51
  Speaker 2: big hurdles is the makeup. You know, when you do
• 38:53
  Speaker 2: batwinged eyeliner every day and it's so easy, and if
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: you stop for a while, it's a hot mess. Imagine that,
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: But a whole face that takes one to two hours.
• 39:01
  Speaker 2: I also get too involved in helping run the show,
• 39:04
  Speaker 2: which leaves me exhausted rather than invigorated. I love going
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: to group rehearsals and thinking of numbers, then preparing, and
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: during the show I have anxiety and a sense of dread.
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: Is it time for me to let go of drag
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: entirely and forever? Grateful for all it's given me. Even
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: the few shows I've done in Portland have led to
• 39:21
  Speaker 2: friendships and community. Meeting people in the dressing room of
• 39:24
  Speaker 2: a drag show is my favorite way to meet people.
• 39:26
  Speaker 2: Love Heather aka Bamaslama Ding Dong.
• 39:30
  Speaker 1: Okay, this ross is over to you? Oh well ross
• 39:34
  Speaker 1: is ag yees in house drag experts.
• 39:36
  Speaker 4: Well, I've seen a lot of great drag on RuPaul's
• 39:39
  Speaker 4: Drag Race up close. Hi Heather, how are you?
• 39:42
  Speaker 6: Hi? Big fans of all of you, Thank you.
• 39:45
  Speaker 4: I love that you do drag. Drag is for everybody,
• 39:48
  Speaker 4: and it's such a beautiful art form. But it is
• 39:49
  Speaker 4: a lot of work.
• 39:50
  Speaker 6: You know.
• 39:50
  Speaker 4: These queens we have on Drag Race have spent years,
• 39:53
  Speaker 4: some decades perfecting the art and it still takes them
• 39:57
  Speaker 4: forever to do their makeup and think of the numbers,
• 39:59
  Speaker 4: and so much goes in to it. Listen, I think, well,
• 40:02
  Speaker 4: I know the drag has brought a lot into your
• 40:04
  Speaker 4: life and you've loved it, you've enjoyed it. But the
• 40:06
  Speaker 4: truth is it is an extracurricular activity for you, right right,
• 40:09
  Speaker 4: and so those are meant to bring you joy. So
• 40:12
  Speaker 4: if it's not bringing you joy right now, I think
• 40:14
  Speaker 4: you have to adjust how you're approaching it. If you're
• 40:15
  Speaker 4: liking the picking the songs, and then that maybe you're
• 40:18
  Speaker 4: helping out at drag shows. You know, there's the people
• 40:21
  Speaker 4: that are so integral to those drag shows and drag
• 40:23
  Speaker 4: brunches who help out in the backstage or carry the
• 40:25
  Speaker 4: tip jar around or help the queens. There's ways you
• 40:28
  Speaker 4: can be involved with the art form if the actual
• 40:31
  Speaker 4: art form itself isn't bringing you the joy you need.
• 40:33
  Speaker 4: What it brought you is still there whether you're in
• 40:35
  Speaker 4: drag or not.
• 40:36
  Speaker 6: Right, And I have tread that I've done stage manager
• 40:40
  Speaker 6: and things like that. At the end of the day,
• 40:44
  Speaker 6: the spotlight is important, you know. So I guess I'm
• 40:49
  Speaker 6: trying to figure out, Yeah, what is the next step
• 40:52
  Speaker 6: where I can still be involved? I see other drag
• 40:55
  Speaker 6: queens do stand up comedy or move on to other
• 40:59
  Speaker 6: things music.
• 41:00
  Speaker 4: All that takes effort to.
• 41:02
  Speaker 6: So it's hard to put into words what drag brings
• 41:06
  Speaker 6: to you. You know, it brings such a power and
• 41:09
  Speaker 6: a different element.
• 41:11
  Speaker 4: Can you tell us what it brought to you? Like,
• 41:12
  Speaker 4: what did it feel like when you were in that
• 41:14
  Speaker 4: spot like in drag? Like what were you drawn to it?
• 41:18
  Speaker 6: Just it multiplies confidence you know so much and you
• 41:22
  Speaker 6: get to live out every fantasy of you know, look
• 41:26
  Speaker 6: like Barbie, look like an alien, that that kind of
• 41:31
  Speaker 6: extreme creativity.
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: I do love.
• 41:34
  Speaker 6: I feel like that it'll be figured out, and I
• 41:38
  Speaker 6: do agree with you there's plenty to do to support
• 41:43
  Speaker 6: the shows.
• 41:45
  Speaker 2: Chelsea.
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: You've talked before about.
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: Like having to take a break from stand up when
• 41:49
  Speaker 2: it was like not feeling life.
• 41:51
  Speaker 1: Giving to you.
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: Can you talk a little bit about that and what brought.
• 41:53
  Speaker 4: Me back to now?
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: I just feel like sometimes if you're not feeling something,
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: you shouldn't struggle with it, you know, don't like fight
• 41:59
  Speaker 1: it to the death, take a break and walk away,
• 42:01
  Speaker 1: and sometimes you get a fresh perspective. Not sometimes almost
• 42:04
  Speaker 1: every time.
• 42:05
  Speaker 4: It's almost like writer's block a little bit. Yeah, you're
• 42:07
  Speaker 4: having drag block.
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, maybe you are. I like that. I mean
• 42:13
  Speaker 1: that there is true to that. I think it's always
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: healthy to take a break. I mean, if something's not
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: giving you the same vibes that it gave you, then yeah,
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with taking a break. And it doesn't
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: have to be like you're broken up. It's just like
• 42:24
  Speaker 1: you're taking a break. You know.
• 42:26
  Speaker 4: Art is work, but it also should bring you joy
• 42:29
  Speaker 4: and pride, you know, and so maybe it's a little
• 42:32
  Speaker 4: distance would help that.
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: If you miss it in a few weeks or a
• 42:35
  Speaker 1: few months, you check in with yourself. Do you miss it?
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: Do you want to go back, do you feel the urge?
• 42:40
  Speaker 1: Do you want to go see a show and not
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: participate in one? Or do you want to be in one?
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: And just check in with yourself even write about it,
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: journal about it at night before you go to bed.
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: Do I miss drag today? No? I don't. What am
• 42:50
  Speaker 1: I feeling today? And just kind of keep an emotional
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: kind of record of how you're feeling and that'll give
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: you all the indicators you kind of need to know.
• 42:59
  Speaker 1: I think a lot of a are just not in
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: the practice of listening to ourselves as well as we should.
• 43:05
  Speaker 1: And if you really are with yourself and you give
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: yourself time to digest something and to think about something,
• 43:12
  Speaker 1: and really like, Okay, I have an hour free today,
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: I'm going to think about how I feel about drag
• 43:17
  Speaker 1: like that, really dedicate the time that it deserves to
• 43:20
  Speaker 1: be thought about and considered and contemplate it, and then
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: you'll come up with your answer whether or not you're
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: ready to give it up or you want to go
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: back at it fully or in a different way.
• 43:30
  Speaker 6: Yeah. I've had a lot of stress in my life
• 43:33
  Speaker 6: over the last year, and one thing I am looking
• 43:37
  Speaker 6: for is that kind of escape and outlet.
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: So release, right, what.
• 43:42
  Speaker 6: You're talking about. I think it also give me an
• 43:44
  Speaker 6: opportunity to try other things.
• 43:46
  Speaker 1: Sure, yeah, absolutely. And it should be fun, right, You
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: need to release, You need to have a good time.
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: It should be fun whatever you choose to do and
• 43:53
  Speaker 1: how you spend that time. Sure, sure, all.
• 43:56
  Speaker 2: Right, Heather, thanks so much for calling in.
• 43:58
  Speaker 1: Thank you, Heather, good luck, Heather, thank you.
• 44:02
  Speaker 4: Is there an art that you wish you were like,
• 44:04
  Speaker 4: that you could do.
• 44:05
  Speaker 1: You know, Yeah, of course, anything I wish I could do,
• 44:08
  Speaker 1: anything I wish I could sing, Oh for sure. I
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: could sing. I wish I could dance. I wish I
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: may be a good dancer.
• 44:16
  Speaker 4: This one can move like the I've seen you dance.
• 44:18
  Speaker 4: I've seen you dance Wellington. This summer, I was like,
• 44:21
  Speaker 4: I love drawing. I was like, I really want to
• 44:23
  Speaker 4: get good at it. I want to become like an artist,
• 44:24
  Speaker 4: you know. And so I got I bought like the
• 44:26
  Speaker 4: markers and the pen and the paints and the things,
• 44:28
  Speaker 4: and I'm I'm just terrible, terrible. I sit in my
• 44:31
  Speaker 4: room and I and then I crumple it up and
• 44:33
  Speaker 4: I'm like that is awful and I throw it away.
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: What are you doing? And what kind of art? What
• 44:37
  Speaker 1: do you mean?
• 44:37
  Speaker 4: Market? I want to well. I saw this woman on
• 44:40
  Speaker 4: TikTok who is so incredible what she can draw, and
• 44:43
  Speaker 4: she and I said what do I messaged her right
• 44:45
  Speaker 4: the total stranger. I said, what do you use? She
• 44:47
  Speaker 4: told me the pens and they say, do you have
• 44:49
  Speaker 4: any advice? Because I would love to draw like you?
• 44:50
  Speaker 4: And she said just start. So I was like, oh shit.
• 44:53
  Speaker 4: So I went and I got it, and I am
• 44:55
  Speaker 4: just I'm so bad at it. But I look at
• 44:57
  Speaker 4: the well, I thank you, but it's real. It's not
• 44:59
  Speaker 4: coming out the way I want to do it, you know,
• 45:01
  Speaker 4: And that's because you've.
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: Never done it before and you're over forty.
• 45:05
  Speaker 4: You got to keep at it, I guess so, but
• 45:07
  Speaker 4: I've got in my head and then the execution is
• 45:09
  Speaker 4: just yeah.
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: But you'll get there. You have to even you're not
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: just going to start doing something and be amazing at it.
• 45:14
  Speaker 4: That's how it should be. That's what I want to
• 45:15
  Speaker 4: think about that, you know what I mean.
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: If that we're life, then we'd all just be doing
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: whatever the fuck we wanted all the time. You have
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: to put in the time to get the results. Yes,
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: you're true, So don't give up on yourself yet. Okay.
• 45:27
  Speaker 4: But but to Heather's point, like it's it is frustrated
• 45:30
  Speaker 4: this art that I love, I do find it also
• 45:32
  Speaker 4: very frustrating. So I was relating to to Heather when
• 45:35
  Speaker 4: she was talking about drag and I just think, but
• 45:38
  Speaker 4: if you want to love it to your point, you
• 45:39
  Speaker 4: got it.
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: That's how I feel about Spanish. It's so frustrating to
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: me that it's taken me so long to become like
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: fluent fluent, but I love it. I'm not gonna quit
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: and I'm not there yet. And I have to always
• 45:49
  Speaker 1: go You're learning, like even when I fuck up or
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: I'm taking a test and I'm like, oh I got
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: eight answers wrong out of twenty. Fuck at least, I
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: like you learn something with every mistake. Okay, So like.
• 45:59
  Speaker 5: We're gonna make sure we give you the T O
• 46:01
  Speaker 5: and T in Spanish because it comes.
• 46:02
  Speaker 1: Out in Spanish Spanish esperrlo.
• 46:09
  Speaker 4: I actually wrote the forward.
• 46:12
  Speaker 5: We translated it as well, and I read the audio
• 46:14
  Speaker 5: in Spanish and he does the English version.
• 46:17
  Speaker 1: Oh nice, so and T.
• 46:20
  Speaker 4: I'll send you a picture to I'll draw you. Oh
• 46:22
  Speaker 4: my god, your workers, workers, they're good markers to Catherine.
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: Do we have a time for another call? Or what's
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: our story?
• 46:29
  Speaker 2: Your mark We can take a break and I have
• 46:30
  Speaker 2: one more question.
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: All right, we'll take a break and we'll be right
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: back and we're back with c O and te O.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: Remind me to send Ross and new magic markers set
• 46:44
  Speaker 1: for his for his journey. And I'm going to use
• 46:47
  Speaker 1: markers in my Spanish my Spanish workbook.
• 46:49
  Speaker 4: Also tend you these markers. They're beautiful markers, they have a.
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: Great markers, are thick markers.
• 46:54
  Speaker 4: Yes, it's about how you angle your hand. There's a
• 46:57
  Speaker 4: fine yes.
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: Well, our last question comes from Cassidy. This is just
• 47:03
  Speaker 2: an email, she says, Dear Chelsea, I have been with
• 47:06
  Speaker 2: my girlfriend for a year. In gay fashion, we often
• 47:08
  Speaker 2: talk about the future marriage and what to burn in
• 47:11
  Speaker 2: case of sudden death. For the last few months, she's
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: told me. For her birthday, she wanted to tell her
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: family about me. She has four sisters. One I know
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: and is fully supportive, and the second is deeply Catholic
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: and not a factor we care about. The other two, however,
• 47:24
  Speaker 2: are a different story. She told her youngest first, which
• 47:27
  Speaker 2: was easy. She was curious, supportive, and kind. Then she
• 47:31
  Speaker 2: told the oldest. After a long silence. She asked that
• 47:34
  Speaker 2: their parents not be told, since her mom is quote
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: a worrier. My girlfriend's plan is to bring me around
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: as her quote friend. I declined this option. She deeply
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: needs her older sister's approval for most things in her life,
• 47:47
  Speaker 2: which is my main concern. I am, in other people's words,
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: fiercely independent. Admitting these recent events maybe incredibly sad. It
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: was difficult, she swears, it's not if, but when I
• 47:58
  Speaker 2: want to be with her? But how do I feel
• 48:00
  Speaker 2: better about this? The reasoning seems trivial and like it's
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: not her decision but her sister's. What else will be
• 48:06
  Speaker 2: up to her sister in the future. For context, she's
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: thirty seven and I'm thirty two. She's never brought someone
• 48:12
  Speaker 2: home and they weren't aware she's gay. I get it
• 48:14
  Speaker 2: coming out as hard, But why am I so sad
• 48:17
  Speaker 2: about it? I'm writing this on my couch as she's
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: at dinner with her family, the one she planned on
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: bringing me to as her girlfriend. Am I catastrophizing this, Cassidy?
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you are catastrophizing it a little bit. I think
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: I think that you should just because this happened, A
• 48:32
  Speaker 1: you don't have to go to be with her family
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: as a friend. You don't have to do that. Like
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: I get that, But like assuming that her sister's going
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: to make every important decision in her life is not true. Like,
• 48:43
  Speaker 1: just because her sister gave her this answer, you didn't
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: like that answer, it's unfair to you. It's not ideal.
• 48:49
  Speaker 1: It doesn't mean that's the way the rest of your
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: life is going to go. This is a very important
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: decision for your girlfriend too, and it's going to weigh
• 48:55
  Speaker 1: on her. I'm sure at some point that she has
• 48:57
  Speaker 1: to get her sister's approval for almost everything, and she's
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: going to start to consider is she willing to go
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: through life like that? She can't live a lie. So
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: while I would stand your boundaries and not participate and
• 49:08
  Speaker 1: be pretending to be her friend when you're more than that,
• 49:11
  Speaker 1: I get that. I wouldn't do that either. I don't
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: think you have to like throw in the towel and think,
• 49:15
  Speaker 1: oh my god, her sister's going to be the arbiter
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: of our relationship.
• 49:18
  Speaker 4: I disagree you do, I do? I think. I just
• 49:22
  Speaker 4: think if my very existence is an issue that you're
• 49:26
  Speaker 4: going to let your sister dictate, then we have a
• 49:29
  Speaker 4: real problem here. It would be a deal breaker. Your
• 49:32
  Speaker 4: sister is going to tell you to tell the world
• 49:34
  Speaker 4: that I'm your friend. I would like to simply exist
• 49:37
  Speaker 4: in your world as your partner, and if that can't happen,
• 49:40
  Speaker 4: then that's that's you making that decision, not me.
• 49:43
  Speaker 1: Are with that? Do you agree with that too?
• 49:46
  Speaker 5: Because it's you know, you have to be authentic, you
• 49:48
  Speaker 5: have to be your self, and the fact that she's
• 49:51
  Speaker 5: not allowing her to even be part of the picture,
• 49:54
  Speaker 5: it's problematic.
• 49:55
  Speaker 4: I don't think it's too much to ask to be
• 49:56
  Speaker 4: exists and acknowledge that you exist.
• 49:58
  Speaker 1: Well, it's also it's it's yeah, it's hard when it's
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: your when it's your own sister that you look up to,
• 50:05
  Speaker 1: kind of saying, like, her sister knows she's gay, so
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: there's not a lie there, Like she knows she's gay,
• 50:11
  Speaker 1: she's just telling her to move the thing. So that's
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: that's where the problem comes in. She's not but she's
• 50:16
  Speaker 1: not living a lie. She's just not allowed to live
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: out loud, is what we're saying.
• 50:21
  Speaker 4: Don't you think that that is simple human decency?
• 50:24
  Speaker 2: Right?
• 50:25
  Speaker 4: I hear? Maybe it's because you know, we spent a
• 50:27
  Speaker 4: lot of time when I started on television, it was
• 50:30
  Speaker 4: back in two thousand and one, and there was a
• 50:31
  Speaker 4: lot of fighting for equality and insisting on equality and
• 50:34
  Speaker 4: we matter and and and that was important. I no
• 50:38
  Speaker 4: longer have that fight within me I have If you
• 50:40
  Speaker 4: don't want to give me equality, God bless I.
• 50:43
  Speaker 1: Just yeah, right, right right, I'm not going to.
• 50:44
  Speaker 4: Fight you for that. Right. So the fact that she's
• 50:47
  Speaker 4: now having to fight to be recognized is exhausting to me,
• 50:51
  Speaker 4: and I would tap out of that fight.
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, that's fair. Well, I mean, yeah, where we're gonna say,
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: you know, just yeah, personal dignity, that's right, it's not.
• 51:00
  Speaker 1: I mean, for somebody to put you on mute is
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: not a good feeling.
• 51:03
  Speaker 5: But I agree with you that, like you know, she's
• 51:05
  Speaker 5: sisters probably won't be the one, you know, making all
• 51:08
  Speaker 5: those decisions.
• 51:09
  Speaker 4: No, but she's letter to make this decision. But this
• 51:11
  Speaker 4: is a big one.
• 51:11
  Speaker 5: But right, but she's just stand her ground and say no,
• 51:14
  Speaker 5: I'm coming, I'm climbing to the stupid party or whatever.
• 51:17
  Speaker 4: Yes, correct, I think this could be Oh that's a
• 51:20
  Speaker 4: quick point. Yes, smart, this is rather than being a
• 51:23
  Speaker 4: red flag deal break or bibitch, this could be a No.
• 51:26
  Speaker 4: I think this would make you better, me better, sister better,
• 51:29
  Speaker 4: mom better, and I'm gonna get to a better place.
• 51:32
  Speaker 4: Yeah that's good. See why he's better than me?
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: I do.
• 51:35
  Speaker 4: I we walked in.
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, well there you go. There you have it. My
• 51:39
  Speaker 1: advice was wrong. I think there's what was right. I
• 51:41
  Speaker 1: am reconsidered. No, no, no, I think you're right. You
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: guys are right.
• 51:45
  Speaker 4: I didn't think you were wrong, but I just I felt.
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: Your neck crane as soon as I started talking I'm like,
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: what's his problem?
• 51:51
  Speaker 6: Now? I know?
• 51:52
  Speaker 4: Really, I just say it is a pet peeve of mine.
• 51:54
  Speaker 4: It is like, I just know I had family members
• 51:57
  Speaker 4: tell me to tone it down or something.
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: Perfectly, and I think that's beautiful. You actually, I mean
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: you said it. You're right. Nobody shouldn't exist and should
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: be denied. Especially now. It's like, come on, this fight
• 52:06
  Speaker 1: has already happened. Yeah, we already argued this out. It's
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: already been litigated. It's exhausting that people want to take
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: it back. So anyway, send a copy of this to
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: her sister.
• 52:14
  Speaker 4: I love you.
• 52:15
  Speaker 1: Send her a link so her sister can listen to
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: this and realize that she's being inappropriate and she needs
• 52:20
  Speaker 1: to let her sister live out loud.
• 52:22
  Speaker 4: And also, Mom lives in this world. Even though she's
• 52:23
  Speaker 4: a worrier. She's not a bunker. She's fine.
• 52:27
  Speaker 1: Fine.
• 52:28
  Speaker 5: My parents were, you know, very Catholic as well.
• 52:30
  Speaker 1: And they're all fine, and they're all fine. Everyone survives.
• 52:32
  Speaker 5: And then I married the.
• 52:35
  Speaker 4: Make it Fine and his dad spent the weekend at
• 52:37
  Speaker 4: our house and we were in the pool. We love
• 52:39
  Speaker 4: each other.
• 52:40
  Speaker 5: We've actually never had the discussion of, uh, we're gay,
• 52:44
  Speaker 5: kind of thing.
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: It's just like this, yeah, or.
• 52:47
  Speaker 4: Maybe he doesn't know.
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: He doesn't know.
• 52:52
  Speaker 4: Whatever it works, I'm fine with it.
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: Okay. And that's your episode of to Your Chelsea for
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: the week. Everybody. Thank you callers, thank you listeners. We'll
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: see you next week. Thank you Ross, thank you Wellington.
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: What a pleasure.
• 53:04
  Speaker 3: I love you.
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: I love you guys.
• 53:07
  Speaker 7: The word of the week is grammarian noun a specialist
• 53:13
  Speaker 7: or expert in grammar. Grammarian. Chelsea is known to be
• 53:18
  Speaker 7: something of a grammarian, which is why we do this
• 53:21
  Speaker 7: segment Grammarian.
• 53:28
  Speaker 1: I just announced all my tour dates. It's called the
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: High and Mighty Tour. I will be touring from February
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: through June, So go get your tickets now if you
• 53:37
  Speaker 1: want good seats and you want to come see me perform,
• 53:40
  Speaker 1: I will be on the High and Mighty Tour. Do
• 53:43
  Speaker 1: you want advice from Chelsea?
• 53:44
  Speaker 2: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And be sure
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com