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114. 3 Types of People · Impact Ready

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  Welcome to Impact Ready, a show dedicated to helping you elevate
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  your impact in the world. I'm Steph Safra, your host.
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  Let's explore the power of showing up with intention and
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  energy each day. This is for those who seek to
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  make life truly meaningful. Get ready for impact.
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  Hi team, welcome to the show. I hope you're having an awesome
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  week this week. Today in this episode, I want to
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  talk about relationships. We talk about relationships a
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  lot when it comes to having personal impact, but I want to
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  filter it through this idea of the analogy of the tree.
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  You know, I love talking about the analogy of the tree.
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  I'm always looking to nature to learn and be able to synthesize
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  information. In Chinese medicine, there are
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  so many foundations and principles that are rooted in
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  the lessons of nature. And so I try to infuse that into
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  my coaching a lot. And I think it's helpful to
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  simplify concepts and and think about things in a different way.
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  The reason we talk about relationships so often is
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  because as a human, as part of this complex system of society,
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  we are always in relationship with people.
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  And the quality of our connections with others often
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  greatly dictates our sense of fulfillment and joy in our life.
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  And so of course, we have to talk about it a lot.
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  It's every single day that we're interacting with other people.
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  It's a large majority of our energy going out into the world
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  is through our interactions and our communication.
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  So why wouldn't we spend a lot of time talking about this and
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  understanding the dynamics of different types of
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  relationships? I would say easily, this is
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  probably one of the top things that coaching clients come to
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  the table with in terms of wanting assistance, wanting
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  support, and learning how to navigate the different
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  relationships with different types of people in their life.
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  And so it's a worthy conversation.
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  What I witness in the different types of work that I do is that
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  there can often be quite a bit of what I call resistance in
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  relationships, and there's a lot of different reasons for that.
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  Resistance is something I would define as suffering or
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  struggling as a result of resisting what is here now.
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  So whether it's acknowledging that somebody is the way they
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  are, acknowledging that there is a circumstance here that we
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  can't do anything about, our resistance to reality is often
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  what leads to our suffering and our struggling.
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  And when we can release that, when we can remove it, when we
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  can let the resistance go, often what follows is more peace, more
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  ease, just a greater sense of fulfillment and a more enjoyable
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  life. The people who I find are most
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  unhappy are most steeped in resistance to their own reality.
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  And it's hard. It's really hard to see, It's
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  hard to witness. It's hard to sometimes help
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  people understand that they have a choice and that they can
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  release resistance if they choose to.
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  It's just about how you frame things and how you look at
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  circumstances. And the same is true of
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  relationships. We can acknowledge that we're
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  all humans. We are capable and resilient.
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  Expansion and growth is something that we all have
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  access to if we choose it. And so I'm not saying that you
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  have to blatantly accept everyone for who they are all
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  the time. But what I am saying is
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  oftentimes our expectations of other people is what creates
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  resistance. We expect that people show up in
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  a certain way in our life. We'd expect that they behave or
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  communicate or act in a certain way that is fitting for us.
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  And this is very much true for how people show up for us in our
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  lives. You know, whether somebody is
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  present through the good times and the hard times, whether they
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  are supporting you enough, cheering you on enough.
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  We have so many different expectations around how people
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  should behave in our lives and in our in our circles and our
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  dynamics in our communities. It is easily one of the things
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  that I coach on most is to help people release expectations,
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  deal with what is here now in reality, and not be stuck in
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  resistance around a reality that they would like to see.
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  Preferably because even though we can be the creators of our
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  own life, it is only us that we can control.
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  We cannot control how other people show up or act or behave
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  or communicate. And to think that we do have
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  control over that is a huge source of resistance in our
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  lives. So in the spirit of thinking
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  about how we can release some of that and create more ease,
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  because, you know, I'm all about ease right now, I wanted to
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  introduce this analogy of three different types of people.
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  And I've seen this idea floating around over the last few years,
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  but recently I saw it again on social media from a guy, Sahil
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  Bloom, and he was talking about the three different types of
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  people as they correlate to a tree.
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  And so you have the leaves, the branches and the roots.
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  And the leaves are people that are around from time to time.
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  I would consider them more acquaintances, maybe more
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  lighter, superficial relationship surfacing maybe.
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  And they're around when the weather's good, during the warm
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  seasons, and it's awesome. And they might blow around as
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  winds change, but they also could fall away and disappear
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  when seasons get cold. So during those winter seasons,
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  those leaves fall to the ground and they disappear.
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  And that's OK. They are the leaves.
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  You also have the branches and these types of relationships,
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  these people, they're more present.
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  They're more stable than leaves, but they're not permanent.
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  The size of the branch can vary. The strength of the branch can
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  vary. In fact, some of those branches
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  look really, really strong. But if you stand on them, you
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  hang on them, you try to hold yourself up, they might break
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  under your weight. And that's just the nature of a
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  branch, right? And then finally, you have
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  roots. And roots are these people who
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  are around for the long term. They are present.
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  The relationships are deep and wide.
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  They're strong. They are there for every season.
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  They are in fact undisturbed by changing seasons because most of
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  the time they're underground, they're rooted, right?
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  They're also life giving to the tree.
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  So these root relationships are very different and they're
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  crucial. The leaves of the branches, they
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  may come and go, but the roots are there forever for the life
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  of the tree. And I think this is so helpful
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  to understand and think about. And this would have helped me a
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  lot in my 20s and even in my 30s to understand that there are
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  different types of people in your life.
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  There is nothing wrong with having leaves and branches in
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  your life. In fact, some of the greatest,
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  most fun times I've ever had are with the people who are more
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  like the leaves. You know, my wife always teases
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  me because I'm a very social person.
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  So I will talk to anybody. I'll have a conversation with
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  someone at the airport, at the hotel pool, in the lobby, out at
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  the restaurants, wherever we are.
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  I'm going to talk to somebody and form a connection with them.
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  And she always teases me. She's like, you're never going
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  to see them again, or even if you do, like what?
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  What are you going to have a deep relationship?
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  And my argument is, you know what?
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  I love those interactions. I love those connections with
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  the people who are leaves in my life.
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  And they might not be permanent, but it brings me joy.
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  So I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
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  Having the leaves and the branches in their life is part
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  of the connection. It's part of being in a complex
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  system of humanity. But it's also really helpful to
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  acknowledge that they might not be there during the harder
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  seasons. They might not be there during
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  the colder winter months of life.
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  And that feels really helpful to me because when I reflect back,
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  there have been so many circumstances in my life where I
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  felt struggling and suffering and resistance around my
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  expectations of how people should show up.
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  You know, we've all had friend falling outs that were really
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  painful. I've had really hard times in my
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  life where I was sort of surprised and saddened by the
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  fact that some people that I thought were going to be there
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  for me weren't there. And what I didn't know and
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  realize and really integrate was those people served a really
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  important purpose in my life, but they weren't necessarily the
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  roots. And that's OK.
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  It can be a little sad sometimes to understand and find out that
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  maybe somebody you thought was a root wasn't a root in the end,
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  but just to know that every relationship serves a purpose.
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  Every tree needs the branches and the leaves, otherwise it
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  wouldn't be as beautiful as it truly is.
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  And so we have to honor all of these different types of people
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  in relationships. We have to be OK with the fact
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  that through seasons of our life, the look of the tree is
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  going to change, but you will have that inner circle of people
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  who are your roots, and then you will have those branches and
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  those leaves during the warmer seasons of life.
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  That's OK. It's part of the beauty.
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  And to be able to release some of the feelings around
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  relationships in your life, that's a really powerful thing.
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  To be able to let go of resentment about what you
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  expected people to do or how you were hoping people were going to
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  show up. It's freedom and it's grace and
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  it's gratitude to be able to just say, you know what?
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  They were there for a season and it was awesome.
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  And I'm, I'm appreciative of that.
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  So my challenge to you this week is to think about your
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  relationships. Who are the leaves?
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  Who are the branches? Who are the roots?
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  And in the past, can you reflect and say, yeah, there's some
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  stuff that I can release and let go of because I can acknowledge
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  that those people were there for a specific reason.
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  They made the tree beautiful and then the season changed and
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  that's just a natural part of the cycle.
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  To me, that feels like freedom. It feels like a total reframe on
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  human dynamics and relationships where it makes it OK for there
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  to be all kinds of people in your life for all different
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  purposes. I think we can honor that and it
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  makes our impact that much more powerful because we get to
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  decide, who do I want to be to people?
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  Is this relationship more of a leafy relationship or is this a
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  branch? Is this relationship really a
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  deep root in my life? If so, I should pour into it
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  more. I should really be intentional
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  about how I'm showing up for these people.
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  So lots to think about, lots of different ideas wrapped up into
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  this analogy, but I hope this feels helpful to you.
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  Anytime we can release resistance and find a little bit
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  more freedom, we are able to have a more powerful impact in
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  the long run. So thank you for listening.
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  Thank you for being out in the world and influencing with your
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  powerful relationships. And as always, team, thank you
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  for being ready to Impact. Thanks for listening to Impact
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  Ready. I hope today's episode inspired
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  you to own your impact and recognize that you are powerful.
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  By elevating our energy and awareness, we can create
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  exponential change in this life. If you enjoyed today's insights,
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  share them with a friend and subscribe to the show for more.
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  I truly appreciate you. Thanks again for being here.