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The Things you miss out on when you're with a narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  So what are some of the things that you miss out on while
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  you're in a toxic relationship with a narcissist?
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  What are some of the things that you've had to sacrifice in order
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  to maintain this relationship? Things that you've given up in
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  order to make them happy? Things that have decreased your
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  own happiness and increase theirs?
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  What are those things? That's what we're talking about
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  today, y'all. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist and
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  I'm here to give you the perspective of a narcissist, of
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  a narcissistic person inside. Look at the mind of a narcissist
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  and why we do some of the things that we do.
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  That's what we're that's what we're hopping on today.
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  Y'all. What are some of the things that
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  you've had to sacrifice, some of the things that you've missed
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  out on in life while dealing with this person?
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  And what inspired this video was a one-on-one call that I had
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  today. I do Zoom calls over.
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  I do one-on-one Zoom calls. You can find
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  those@mentalillness.net, right? I had a call with a lady today
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  and she was struggling with leaving her toxic relationship.
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  She's struggling. We're trying to understand what
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  she went through. She's struggling with battling,
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  wanting to go back, wanting to stay, wanting to go, wondering
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  what happens next for her. And we got to talking and she
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  started, she started telling me things that she missed and a
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  light bulb moment happened for me.
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  I was like, they can help you set you free.
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  She's like what? Understanding what you've given
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  up in order to beat with this person.
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  She's like, I, it got to the point where I was embarrassed.
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  She said it got to the point where she's embarrassed to tell
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  people that she was still with him because she knew that people
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  were going to judge her and whatnot.
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  She, she, she couldn't tell her friends, her family members,
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  her, her parents, she couldn't tell anybody.
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  So because she felt like she was going to get judged.
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  So she couldn't even share what she was going through.
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  She, she, she had to be kind of living in secret and she had to
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  see her family and friends less. She literally started to have
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  started to have to see her family and friends less because
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  she was in a relationship that she knew that they didn't
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  approve of and she wasn't happy in, she was in, she got cheated
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  on, all that stuff. And she was like, yeah, I told
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  them I got cheated on. And I knew if I told them that I
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  went back, they would cut me off.
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  So I, I started cutting myself off.
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  I started to isolate myself from my friends and family members.
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  He didn't do anything. He didn't try to isolate me.
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  I did it myself because I was ashamed of being with this
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  person. I was like, yeah, that's what
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  happens. I'm like, what are some other
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  things that you've had to give up in order to be with this
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  person? And that's the task for you
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  watching this video right now is to understand what you've had to
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  sacrifice in order to be with this person.
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  Understanding what you've had to give up in order to be around
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  this person, in order to be in a relationship with this person,
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  in order to be in a marriage or partnership or friendship or Co
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  worker owning the businesses together.
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  What if had you've had to sacrifice?
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  What have you missed out on? What have you given up because
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  so many people experienced this? The survivor of narcissistic
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  abuse gives up so much in order to, you know, in order to give
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  that narcissist what they're looking for, in order to give
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  that narcissistic person what they want.
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  You sacrifice so much. Understand that if you write
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  this stuff down, it can help you heal.
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  It absolutely can. Writing this stuff down can
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  absolutely help free you from this toxic relationship dynamic.
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  Like, what have you sacrificed? What are some of the things that
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  you've missed out on while you were in this relationship?
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  Because me as a as someone diagnosed A narcissist, the
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  personality disorder, right? And as someone who's helped
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  thousands of of survivors through my support groups and
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  through my coaching calls like I can.
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  This is my thought process right here.
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  I don't think that you as a victim survivor thriver, I don't
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  think that you can fully like reach your full potential of
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  your life while you're in a touch a relationship with a
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  narcissist. I don't think you can.
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  I know there's there's some people going to be they're going
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  to disagree with me. And of course you are.
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  Yeah, you're allowed to disagree here.
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  You you look, you have your own opinion.
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  I got my my, this, my my channel is my opinion, right?
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  Like you're allowed to have your own opinion, but I believe that
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  it's truly so difficult to reach your full potential while you
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  with someone that is anchoring you down.
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  It's kind of like you trying to swim to you trying to swim up
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  for air and you have somebody that's pulling you down.
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  This person is beat. This person is your anchor and
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  they're you. They, they give you just enough
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  rope to put your lips above the water, but you can get no higher
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  like your lips above the waters, you can breathe.
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  They, they gave you just enough rope.
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  You can stick your little lips above the water so you can
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  breathe, right? That's what it's transpired.
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  They give you just enough to survive, right?
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  Not to thrive. They haven't give you enough to
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  to thrive. So I truly believe that you
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  cannot reach your full potential while you with a toxic person.
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  You can't reach your full, your maximum potential while you with
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  an abuser, somebody that's draining you down, somebody that
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  you feel like you can't be yourself around.
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  Ask yourself that right there. You can't fully be yourself
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  around this person. So how are you going to live up
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  to your full potential if you can't be yourself with somebody
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  that you trust with your life, you're supposed to trust with
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  your life that you're sharing your life with, that you tried
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  to build a family with. How can you fully meet that?
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  How can you fully get to that point right there if you can't
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  trust this person? Those are things that you needed
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  to consider right there. Like truly consider that you can
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  never fully reach your maximum potential when you're with an
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  abusive person. It just doesn't happen that way.
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  It doesn't go down that way. I know it sucks to even hear me
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  say that, but it really, truly does not go at that go down that
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  way when you're dealing with a an abuser.
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  Like you're going to miss out on special events.
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  What are some things that you've had to miss out on to be with
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  this person? Write them down.
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  So many people I've talked to. I had to miss my my best
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  friend's graduation from college because my boyfriend doesn't
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  like her. I couldn't go to my brother's.
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  I can go to my sister's promotion ceremony or whatever
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  because my girlfriend can't stand her.
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  They hate each other. And I had to choose between
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  going to celebrate my sister being there for my sister or my
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  partner. You see what I'm saying?
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  You're going to miss out on stuff.
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  They take you away from special events.
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  You don't go, you look, you're going to start doing less when
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  you're with this person. You're going to start going home
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  for Christmas, less, home for Thanksgiving, less seeing your
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  brothers and sisters less seeing your kids less.
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  Sometimes when if your kids grow up and like, let's say if you
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  are in this parenting relationship with this is a step
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  parent to your kids. Imagine your kids growing up and
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  you don't see them as much anymore because you're a partner
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  doesn't like your kids because your partner can't stand to be
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  around your kids. Your kids can't stand to be
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  around their stepmom or stepdad so they choose not to come
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  around anymore. That's a sad, sad existence,
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  y'all. That is a sad, sad existence.
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  Imagine giving up your kids for your partner who's not their
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  parent. That's rough.
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  And sometimes that your partner, your spouse is their parent.
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  Your partner or your spouse can cost you your relationship with
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  your kids. I've talked to countless adult
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  children of narcissists, right? Adult children of narcissists.
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  I've talked to countless adult children of narcissists who were
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  who, who had one narcissistic parent and one, they called them
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  the enabling parent, one parent that refused to leave.
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  One parent is still there to this day.
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  And they said, Lee, it broke my heart.
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  My dad was abusive, He was neglectful.
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  He was just tragic. He was he, he was just a
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  manipulator. He used to beat us.
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  He's beat my mom. He beat everybody.
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  Everybody's getting ass beatings.
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  It broke my heart because when I went no contact with him, I had
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  to go no contact with my mom too.
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  My mom still calls me every day. I don't pick the phone up.
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  I had to block my mom. She's sad because she's still
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  with that man. I told her as long as you're
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  with him, I will never talk to you again.
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  And she stuck to her boundaries and she still wanted.
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  Mom is there sad as hell with the dad and the dad is blaming
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  the mom for the kids not talking anymore.
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  The dad said you, you it's your fault the kids don't talk to you
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  anymore. That's not don't try to blame
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  me. The mom is depressed.
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  She's sad. I would love her if I talk to
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  her. I'll try to get her out of
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  there, right, because that's what I that's kind of what I do.
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  I'll give you all the information and you lose your
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  relationship with your kids. But you have this abusive,
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  lying, cheating man that you got that you're Trump bonded to.
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  You know, I talked to I talked to people with narcissistic moms
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  to y'all just put my fellas out there.
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  Well, he I had a narcissistic mom.
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  Yeah, a lot of you have had narcissistic moms and the same
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  situation applies. They would cut the mom off and
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  have to cut the dad off. You know, sometimes the mom
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  would say you can't, if you're not going to talk to me, you
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  can't talk to your father. The mom would do that.
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  So it's costing your relationship with your parents.
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  It's costing your relationship with your kids.
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  What are you giving up to be with this person?
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  What is it costing you? Do a cost benefit analysis.
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  If y'all don't know, I have an industrial engineering degree
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  from North Carolina Agricultural and Technical State University,
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  North Carolina A&T, right? NCA and T right.
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  And we do cost benefit analysis. What is the cost versus the
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  benefit of being in this relationship?
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  What is it costing you and what is the benefit?
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  Typically the only benefit is some type of financial security
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  or, or you or you not alone. Well, at least I'm not alone.
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  That's why I hear so much. I ask people like what is the
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  cost versus the benefit? Well, at least I'm not alone.
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  Is that enough? You are alone.
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  You're never more lonely than when you were with a narcissist
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  because they're not emotionally there.
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  Yeah, you have a warm or cold body, right?
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  Depending on the night beside you, but they're empty.
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  You have an empty person. You have a shell.
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  You land them beside a shell. You might as well get a damn
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  with those pregnancy pillows if you get a get old with a blow up
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  dolls or something like that. If you want a body beside you,
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  if that's all you is. But what is this relationship
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  costing? What have you missed out on?
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  Write it down y'all. This is the type of stuff that
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  you can write down. They can actually help set you
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  free in the long run. This is the type of stuff that
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  can truly, truly set you free because you're struggling.
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  If you're struggling with a narcissistic person, an abusive
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  person, this is the type of stuff that you're going to
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  realize is going to affect you in such a devastating way.
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  It really is. So I hope that this video brings
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  out some clarity and just helps you understand, like being with
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  it, what what you're giving up and what you're sacrificing for
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  this person is not worth being with this person.
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  It's just not. What are you missing out on?
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  Truly ask yourself that question right there.
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  You need to understand what you're missing out on.
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  I know you're going to miss out on a lot.
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  You might not feel like or you might be scared to dig deep and
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  understand what you're missing out on because it hurts.
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  It sucks. It's going to suck y'all, when
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  you sit down and you just actually think about what you
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  missed out on, what you've given up to be with this person, it's
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  going to suck. And some of you are going to
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  write down what you've missed out on and you you can be like,
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  well, I already missed out on it.
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  I don't want I already missed out on it.
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  I already missed out on these moments and we at least I'm
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  still here. Might as well stay since I
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  missed out on all this stuff. You're going to miss out on more
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  you're going to be giving up more you're going to be
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  sacrificing more and for what for what for who this person
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  right here. These are things you have to
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  consider y'all like serious this.
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  These are things that you have to consider truly truly
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  consider. You know, at the end of the day,
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  because this relationship is absolutely going to cost you
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  more than what he's going to benefit you is actually you
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  absolutely gonna have to give more than you receive.
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  You're absolutely not going to get out of it what you put in.
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  You're absolutely going to feel like you've given up and
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  sacrificed so much just to stay around this person and keep this
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  person in your life. Those are things that you
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  absolutely have to consider, y'all.
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  Anyways, y'all, thank you for making the end of my video.
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  If you haven't already hit that subscribe button my coaching, my
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  courses, everything is available at mentalillness.net.
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  You can check out my site and whatnot y'all and if you still
• 12:01
  here, click one of the click one of my videos right here to stay
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  on the channel and I will see you later Mental hill.
• 12:07
  This is out peace.