Latest / Very Fine Friends / Bonus IMPROV - You Need To Run & I Need To Look For Pringles
Transcript
- 0:00welcome to friends like us bonus we're gonna do some bonus improv for you uh we're gonna need a
- 0:23suggestion from our producer joe we'll riff a little bit and then we'll do an improv scene
- 0:28Joe what's your suggestion
- 0:30My suggestion for you is
- 0:33Cousins
- 0:34Cousins
- 0:36Cousins
- 0:38Do you have cousins Francis
- 0:41No I was
- 0:43Delivered from
- 0:44A planet
- 0:46I was trying to be mean but
- 0:48I sounded dumb
- 0:49Like Superman
- 0:51I do have cousins
- 0:53I'm Italian though so
- 0:56Everyone's like a cousin
- 0:58wait you mean like in your heart everyone's a cousin or like there's people who's like oh this
- 1:03is your cousin and i'm like is it or are they just here yeah yeah basically yeah um i have a lot of
- 1:12cousins on my mom's side oh do you know them all uh not well um they they all live in different
- 1:23places and stuff so yeah you know but i i mean i do there isn't a cousin that i haven't met if
- 1:30that's what you're asking it was that's exactly what i wanted to know okay it's not like we're
- 1:35not like good friends or anything but that's good yeah because the last thing you want is someone to
- 1:39be like jenna thank god we're close i need a bodily donation and you're my closest match
- 1:47a bodily donation uh if you had to donate one um one of one organ of some kind an organ or just
- 1:57something if you had to donate something from your body what would you donate um you can't say
- 2:03i wouldn't if i those are for chairs um if i was going to donate one thing i would probably do
- 2:11just straight up blood or plasma because then oh yeah that's a simple one it's least invasive
- 2:16and maybe some marrow if I'm feeling generous.
- 2:19That's supposed to be painful.
- 2:21Never mind then.
- 2:24You?
- 2:27Eyelashes, maybe?
- 2:28No.
- 2:29What?
- 2:29You need them.
- 2:30No, no, no.
- 2:31Just like the loose ones that fall out anyway That were going to fall anyway Yeah Do you ever feel like you have an eyelash coming out and you kind of pull on your eyelashes and then you get the loose ones
- 2:42I do it all the time.
- 2:43Yeah.
- 2:43But then have you ever had it where you look down and you're like,
- 2:45oh, there's like eight eyelashes.
- 2:47There's a lot of eyelashes.
- 2:48Like you want to go look in the mirror real quick?
- 2:49Yeah.
- 2:50Like are my eyelids bald now?
- 2:53Yeah.
- 2:54You're not alone.
- 2:55Okay.
- 2:55Cool.
- 2:57Also, it seems like there's probably a lot of –
- 3:01We must have a lot of highlight, like more than we think we have.
- 3:04It doesn't feel like there's a lot.
- 3:06Well, it's like your hair.
- 3:07Yeah.
- 3:08How much is there really?
- 3:09A lot.
- 3:10A lot.
- 3:11But sometimes a lot comes out and you're like, but there's probably a bajillions of hairs.
- 3:16Yes.
- 3:17A bajillions.
- 3:19Hair term.
- 3:20Mm-hmm.
- 3:21And now, improv.
- 3:30Hi.
- 3:31Okay.
- 3:31You're Francis, right?
- 3:32Yeah, I'm Francis.
- 3:33Okay, I thought so.
- 3:35I mean, I knew it was you.
- 3:36You look familiar.
- 3:37Yeah, that's because we're actually related.
- 3:41What?
- 3:42I'm sorry.
- 3:42Hold on.
- 3:42Let me put my Pringles down.
- 3:46What?
- 3:46Sour cream and onion.
- 3:47Nice.
- 3:48Oh, it's my favorite.
- 3:48No, we're related.
- 3:52And sorry, this is so awkward.
- 3:56Yeah, I'm your niece, actually.
- 3:58What?
- 3:58Yeah.
- 3:59That means I have a...
- 4:00Oh, sorry.
- 4:01I forgot to tell you, you have a brother you don't know about.
- 4:03Oh my God.
- 4:04Yes.
- 4:04Sorry.
- 4:05This is a lot to put on you at one time.
- 4:07I have a brother?
- 4:08How's this possible?
- 4:10Well, I don't want to.
- 4:12Okay.
- 4:12Do you need me to explain?
- 4:13No, I accept it.
- 4:14Okay.
- 4:15You do know where children come from.
- 4:17Okay.
- 4:17Yeah.
- 4:17Yeah.
- 4:18So you're my niece.
- 4:19Yes, I'm your niece.
- 4:20Anyway, I would ask my dad, your uncle.
- 4:25My brother.
- 4:27Sorry, your brother.
- 4:29That's what I meant.
- 4:31No, sorry.
- 4:31I'm so confused because I really need your help with something.
- 4:34Okay.
- 4:35I did some tests.
- 4:37I did some tests of your DNA too.
- 4:39I hope you don't mind.
- 4:40I took some of your DNA.
- 4:41You took my DNA?
- 4:41I took your DNA.
- 4:43I'm really understanding.
- 4:45Okay.
- 4:45Do you remember that time that you left the Funyuns bag?
- 4:52You threw it away in that garbage can outside of a CVS?
- 4:57That's right.
- 4:58They didn't have Pringles, so I bought Funyuns.
- 5:00Yeah.
- 5:00Yeah.
- 5:00But you decided, you're like, oh, I forgot I don't like Funyuns, and so you threw them in the garbage.
- 5:04Yeah, after it had been in my mouth.
- 5:06Yeah.
- 5:07Yeah, I remember.
- 5:07Yeah, I grabbed that Funyun.
- 5:09Why didn you say hi Because I didn want to bother you until I knew for sure So you were just following me around and going through my trash I was following you around for a good seven months
- 5:22Yeah.
- 5:22So I felt like I knew you at that point.
- 5:28I'm really glad you're taking this so well.
- 5:30But the funniest incident was the first time you left any DNA.
- 5:33You were really good at not leaving your DNA places, by the way.
- 5:36I want to just compliment you on that.
- 5:39Thank you.
- 5:39I hope that's a genetic trait.
- 5:41I hope that's something that I picked up as well.
- 5:45That's a relationship.
- 5:46I'm sorry.
- 5:46Is this a comment about me finishing all my food or what do you.
- 5:49No, no.
- 5:49Sorry.
- 5:50I'm sorry.
- 5:51I need to get to the point.
- 5:52It's kind of an emergency.
- 5:54Yeah.
- 5:54I'm going to a show.
- 5:57So.
- 5:58Oh, I'm so sorry.
- 5:59Well, this will hopefully only take a little bit of time.
- 6:01But you are a match.
- 6:04I.
- 6:06I need to have my femur replaced.
- 6:09And I need a donation femur.
- 6:14Your leg bone?
- 6:15Yes, my leg bone.
- 6:17The big old leg bone?
- 6:19The big one, yeah, the femur.
- 6:21The big boy, as they call it.
- 6:23Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- 6:24You're asking me to give you?
- 6:27I know, it's such a big ask.
- 6:28And if there's anything you need from me in return.
- 6:31Well, I need my femur.
- 6:34Okay.
- 6:35Hear me out.
- 6:36I use it to walk to the store to get my Pringles.
- 6:42Okay.
- 6:44I am a professional runner.
- 6:47This is how I make my money.
- 6:49How do you make money running?
- 6:51People pay me to run from here to there.
- 6:56I've never seen you running from here to there.
- 6:58That's how good I am.
- 6:59I'm that fast.
- 7:01And if I don't have a femur, I've got no way to live.
- 7:04I have no other skills.
- 7:06But you're, I can see both of your femurs now.
- 7:09You've got them.
- 7:10No, no, no.
- 7:11It's, my right side is, it's a temporary femur.
- 7:15It can only hold me so long.
- 7:17It's just a stopgap, really.
- 7:19The doctor said I need the real thing.
- 7:21And it's got to be a genetic match.
- 7:23And your femur matches my femur genetically.
- 7:26I'm sorry, but how could they possibly know that?
- 7:29They've never even looked at my femur.
- 7:30They can tell the length of a femur from your spit.
- 7:38So that Funyun, that Funyun saved my life.
- 7:43Not so much Funyun anymore.
- 7:47Can you do something else but run I tried I tried having a desk job you know what happened no i just ran around the office they kept telling me sarah sit down sarah sit down and i couldn thank you
- 8:04for finally introducing yourself oh i'm sorry i forgot that i know you so well and that you don't
- 8:09know me well i'm sarah by the way oh don't oh don't put a don't humanize it oh sarah with two
- 8:15h's at the end yeah because your brother your brothers he wanted to be different oh
- 8:22uh have you tried his femur hit no we're not a match i told you i went to him first and he if
- 8:32he could help me he would the sad thing is if i ever need a patella he's my man but i don't i
- 8:39don't need one of those i just need a femur okay sorry if i'm asking a lot of science questions
- 8:45can't they just keep giving you a temporary no no there's only so many times that the joints can
- 8:51take uh an insertion of a new bone that that does make sense this you can only get three yet this is
- 8:59my second temporary femur so you didn't come to me right away you you waited i waited but you know
- 9:05what as i was following you around for that seven months i was like i was so impressed
- 9:11with your grace and your generosity.
- 9:15Sarah.
- 9:18Thank you for pronouncing it the correct way.
- 9:21We're family.
- 9:22So you'll do this for me?
- 9:24Well, I'm going to need something in return.
- 9:26Anything.
- 9:27Name it.
- 9:27Your neck.
- 9:29What?
- 9:31I just found out from the doctor that my neck is going.
- 9:36No.
- 9:36Yeah.
- 9:37Not your long, graceful neck.
- 9:39This long neck.
- 9:40soon my chin will be in my bosom.
- 9:42No.
- 9:43Yeah.
- 9:44You need to run and I need to look for Pringles.
- 9:47You, but that's your job.
- 9:49You professionally look over hedges and fences.
- 9:53So you see.
- 9:54I do see.
- 9:55So if you want to run, I need to look.
- 10:00Well, I don't need my neck to run, Francis.
- 10:02I don't need my femur to look.
- 10:05I think this is going to be the beginning of a beautiful,
- 10:10friendship
- 10:11and scene