Latest / Ambitious Podcast / EP.86: 33 Lessons I Learned at 33 That CHANGED My Life | The Ambitious Podcast

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EP.86: 33 Lessons I Learned at 33 That CHANGED My Life | The Ambitious Podcast · Ambitious Podcast

• 0:00
  I'm going to hate myself into loving myself.
• 0:02
  I realize that. That's just so ironic.
• 0:04
  I always felt really lost. I didn't really have this like
• 0:07
  overwhelming confidence that I was like, this is who I'm going
• 0:10
  to be at 33. I thought I would be married by
• 0:12
  now. I thought I maybe have a kid or
• 0:14
  two. You were not lost.
• 0:16
  You were just buried and you have to peel back what was never
• 0:19
  yours. When I removed all the shit
• 0:23
  there I was and it wasn't this like creating of me, it was
• 0:26
  literally just the finding of me.
• 0:28
  The right person and the right love in your life won't make you
• 0:33
  anxious. Safety is the new chemistry.
• 0:37
  You don't need to apologize for evolving.
• 0:40
  Some people love the version of you that was convenient and not
• 0:44
  actually authentic. You don't owe loyalty to things
• 0:47
  that don't honor you. Like staying is not strength if
• 0:52
  it costs you anything. Hello and welcome back to
• 0:55
  Ambitious. Today we are going to be going
• 0:58
  through something that I posted on Instagram and I got so many
• 1:02
  messages about. So I have decided to dedicate
• 1:05
  today's episode to really diving into this.
• 1:08
  This past week I turned 33 and this is something that really
• 1:15
  like as a Leo, I would love to make this a bigger deal.
• 1:18
  Obviously we always do. I feel like all Leo's make their
• 1:20
  birthdays a big deal. And I would love to say that
• 1:23
  this is a big deal, but to me it was just like, OK, great. 33.
• 1:28
  This was a very reflective time because I realized there's so
• 1:33
  much that has gone down in the last decade, but also especially
• 1:37
  in the last year. And 33 is actually, you know, as
• 1:42
  a number. There's a lot of symbolic
• 1:43
  references to it from a faith-based perspective.
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  It is what's considered to be your Jesus year in Angel
• 1:50
  numbers. There's a lot of symbolic
• 1:52
  connection there. And with that, I started to be
• 1:56
  like, OK, 33, like, what is this year going to look like for me?
• 1:59
  I started to think back on all the years leading up to this and
• 2:02
  kind of how I got to this place. And I also thought, OK, well,
• 2:05
  what are the lessons that I've learned in getting to 33 that I
• 2:12
  really want to have awareness of so that I can learn from those
• 2:15
  and maybe integrate that clarity into the coming years or
• 2:20
  potentially make sure that I never make those mistakes again.
• 2:23
  And I feel like first, I would say, if you haven't taken a
• 2:29
  moment of reflection, I really recommend it because I think so
• 2:32
  many times we just, it's another year, right?
• 2:36
  It's another year under our belts.
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  It's another milestone we pass. And I think so often life is
• 2:41
  moving so fast that if we don't take a second to just like step
• 2:46
  back and take it all in, we miss it.
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  And this really was an invitation to say, OK, great.
• 2:53
  Like I'm never going to be this age again.
• 2:55
  I'm never going to be younger than this current moment.
• 2:59
  And I think we are always just in this kind of like tilter
• 3:03
  world, right of life, there's always just so much going on and
• 3:06
  everything is so busy. And so I think birthdays can be,
• 3:09
  they can be fun. They can be a time to be able to
• 3:11
  reflect on what's been and also reflect on what it is you're
• 3:14
  calling in for yourself or what you want this next chapter of
• 3:18
  your year to be. It's kind of like a built in
• 3:20
  accountability system to your growth when you think about it.
• 3:23
  And so I sat down and originally I had kind of been just
• 3:27
  reflecting on everything happening.
• 3:28
  And then that kind of started to kind of unravel the process of
• 3:33
  my, you know, brainstorm of like, what have I learned?
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  And there's been a lot of stuff that's happened in getting to
• 3:40
  33, but there was also some kind of fundamental takeaways or
• 3:46
  fundamental beliefs that I learned and I wanted to share
• 3:49
  some of those with you today. So I can't guarantee that we're
• 3:51
  going to get through all 33. We probably won't.
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  But I'm going to pick out some of the ones that I feel like
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  have really been something that I've learned and getting to this
• 4:00
  place in my life. And so one of the things I want
• 4:12
  to say is, first of all, if you have not seen the post that this
• 4:14
  is originating from where all the three three are documented,
• 4:17
  I will make sure that's linked beneath for you so you can go to
• 4:20
  that. But one of the ones I wanted to
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  start with was this aspect of shaming yourself into being
• 4:28
  something that you want to be. And I will say for most of my
• 4:32
  life, I feel like I have always tried to like quote, UN quote,
• 4:36
  bully myself to do things that I wanted to do.
• 4:39
  I try to bully myself to go to the gym.
• 4:41
  I would try to bully myself to eat better.
• 4:43
  I would try to bully myself to get up and work every in a
• 4:46
  certain day or every day when I didn't feel like doing it.
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  Like I would really find that I would be kind of like mean to
• 4:53
  myself. My inner dialogue to try to get
• 4:55
  myself to do things was very rarely from this place of desire
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  and from this place of, you know, wanting to be this this
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  thing or wanting to step into this version versus I should.
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  And I think the word even should has this undertone of shame to
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  it. And so I realized that so much
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  of the things that I've made progress in have been a
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  byproduct of me shaming myself. And that progress that I made as
• 5:21
  a result of that was very short term.
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  I feel like I would have moments where I would be really
• 5:26
  consistent with the gym and then I would fall off and I'd be
• 5:28
  really consistent with eating, but then I'd fall off.
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  And I realized that like transformation in any bucket of
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  our life has to be from a place of looking to really personally
• 5:38
  understand yourself and your why not out of this place of
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  punishment. And I think that there's a lot
• 5:44
  of reasons we do that, right? It may be something that you
• 5:46
  learned growing up. It could also be something that,
• 5:48
  you know, society has kind of taught you is, quote UN quote,
• 5:51
  normal. And I think that I've realized
• 5:53
  that the biggest change that I am ever going to experience in
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  anything that I've ever done is really when I'm compassionate
• 5:59
  for myself and when I really have that compassion to say, OK,
• 6:02
  well, what do I want to achieve? Why do I want to achieve it?
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  And how can I love myself into this version of what I want?
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  So, you know, even, for example, if we think about eating
• 6:12
  healthy, a lot of people would say, like, I can't have that or
• 6:15
  shouldn't have that, right? And I think that even that
• 6:18
  language is problematic because if we think about, you know, the
• 6:22
  idea of I should, again, is associated with shame.
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  But I think, OK, well, if I really want to feel my best,
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  what would I eat right now? If I really cared about my body,
• 6:31
  what would I eat right now? If I really wanted to give my
• 6:34
  body nutrients, what would I pick right now?
• 6:37
  And so I think that that's a very different conversation
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  then, you know, I should or should not be eating this.
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  And the same thing with the gym. I think for a long time, I, you
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  know, always had this desire to look a certain way or be
• 6:50
  smaller, even though I wouldn't, you know, say that I like, I
• 6:53
  don't know where that comes from, the sense of I don't know
• 6:54
  why I need to be smaller. But I realized that I had a lot
• 6:58
  of just this not good enough. And I kept, you know, trying to
• 7:01
  punish myself by doing things that were, you know, I tried to
• 7:05
  do fasting or I would try to, you know, do things like calorie
• 7:08
  deficits. And I'd be really aggressive
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  with this, like punish my body to get this body that I want.
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  And I think it's women in general.
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  We have a lot of narratives around what we're quote UN quote
• 7:17
  supposed to be or supposed to look like.
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  There's a lot of really aggressive messaging, which I
• 7:21
  think is part of why we feel this.
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  But I just realized that like, I was literally expecting to
• 7:27
  punish my body and to talk poorly about myself and to put
• 7:32
  myself through the wringer and these different things that I
• 7:34
  would do. And then hope through that
• 7:36
  process that I was going to find somebody and find, you know, a
• 7:39
  body that I love and a person that I love.
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  And I realized that that's just, it's, it's so ironic to say I'm
• 7:46
  going to hate myself into loving myself.
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  And I think that that for me was a big take away in every bucket
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  of my life. It's like I can't shame myself
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  into working to build this empire that I want.
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  I can't shame myself into going to the gym.
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  I can't shame myself into eating better.
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  I have to say, OK, well, if I really want, you know, whatever
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  the outcome is or whatever the goal is for myself, I have to
• 8:08
  ask myself, well, why do I want that?
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  And how is that something that I could do?
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  Or what is the process of what that would look like?
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  If I really loved myself, what would I do?
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  And I even had a friend who asked me that and they said,
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  what would you do if you loved yourself?
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  And it's such a simple question, but it really is a reflective
• 8:25
  thing to sit with. So we had been talking about it.
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  The reason that that came up, we had been talking about in the
• 8:30
  context of like Botox and filler.
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  And I just want to first of all say like, I have both of those
• 8:34
  things. So I'm not, I'm not trying to
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  say anything one way or another about Botox or filler.
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  But I remember she asked the question of, you know, with all
• 8:43
  the things that you do for your body or to your body, what would
• 8:47
  it look like or what would you do if you loved yourself?
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  And it really just started the reflection of like, why do we do
• 8:54
  these things, right? And just having an awareness of
• 8:56
  why do we, you know, go and get the acrylic nails and why do we
• 9:02
  go on these, you know, crazy diets?
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  And why do we, you know, go and get Botox and filler?
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  Like what? It's not a matter to say it's
• 9:10
  right or wrong. It's just to say why, just to
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  have the inquisitive question to say why.
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  And it made me realize that if we approach questions like that
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  from a love based place instead of critique, instead of
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  criticism, we're going to find a better answer, which is to
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  really acknowledge where does this come from and how can we
• 9:32
  love ourselves into change versus bullying ourselves into
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  change? I also found that kind of in the
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  same vein, another lesson was the fact that the Wellness
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  you're looking for within your life, within your body, within
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  your, you know, harmony of your lifestyle.
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  It's not going to be found in extremes.
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  And I will tell you I am an extreme person, OK, I am the
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  person who's like, I am all or nothing.
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  I am the zero to 100 and I am known to be that with a lot of
• 9:57
  the people in my friend group, like I don't do anything chill
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  like I, I would either be a couch potato or I will be like
• 10:04
  deciding that I'm doing a 10K, right?
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  Like there's no there's nothing in between.
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  I'm not like the person who's like, I go for walks, right?
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  But I realized that while, you know, there's a part of that
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  that is like an identity of how I've always lived, those
• 10:18
  extremes are not actually supportive or beneficial for me
• 10:22
  in the things that I want to achieve within my life.
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  And I think so many of us, maybe even yourself as well, you find
• 10:28
  that you go to these extremes, it's all or nothing.
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  It's one side or the other. And I found that sometimes those
• 10:35
  extremes were what was really setting me up for failure
• 10:39
  because I had this belief, this perception, this expectation
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  that if I was going to go from where I am to where I want to
• 10:46
  go, it had to be this huge, massive leap.
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  And we know that, you know, momentum is made in the small
• 10:53
  milestones. It's not made in this big
• 10:56
  overarching thing you're doing. And the other thing I learned
• 10:59
  from that was that my all or nothing, what I used to think
• 11:02
  was like, I go hard and I like really care about, you know,
• 11:06
  really attacking goals and all these things that I would label
• 11:08
  it if I really got down to it. It was this deep need to prove
• 11:14
  myself or to something or somebody who I don't know, I'm
• 11:18
  still working that out. But it was this need to like
• 11:21
  really prove to myself that I could do it.
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  And I remember asking myself the question of like, well, why do
• 11:27
  you need that confirmation? Why do you need the confirmation
• 11:30
  you could do a 10K? Why do you need the confirmation
• 11:32
  that you could go to this extreme number in business?
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  Why do you need the confirmation that you could do this extreme
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  thing? And also, is there potentially
• 11:43
  more reward, more identity, more unlock that comes from not the
• 11:48
  accomplishment of the big thing, but from the consistency in the
• 11:51
  pursuit of making it happen, right.
• 11:53
  So maybe the accomplishment is not in the running of a 10K and
• 11:58
  hitting a certain timeline and all of those things.
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  Because again, when that day comes and it goes, what does
• 12:04
  that really mean about me? Nothing.
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  But when we think about the pursuit of that 10K and the
• 12:10
  pursuit of that goal and the training it would take from me,
• 12:13
  the consistency it would take, the nutrition it would take, the
• 12:15
  rest, it would take the mindset, it would take on the days that I
• 12:18
  don't want to do it, but I did it anyways.
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  That process of creation of who I'm becoming in pursuit of that
• 12:24
  goal, that's really the win. That's really the unlock of the
• 12:29
  person that I would want to be proud of, not the accomplishment
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  of the thing. And even for me in business, you
• 12:35
  know, achieving 7 figures or achieving a multiple 7 figure
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  business, I don't even really know when I distill down to it,
• 12:41
  why that is something that's so important to me and frankly,
• 12:45
  even to other people. Like, who cares?
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  Like if you hit $1,000,000 business or if you hit a
• 12:50
  $900,000 business, what's the difference, right?
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  What's the difference? Like, there's no difference.
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  That $100,000 doesn't mean anything different about you.
• 13:00
  Just because you hit that number doesn't mean anything different
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  because guess what? The woman who created the
• 13:05
  $900,000 business a year versus the $1,000,000 business a year.
• 13:09
  Both needed consistency, both needed to show up in a certain
• 13:12
  way, both adjusted their identity, both put in a lot of
• 13:16
  effort into pursuing that. There's still a lot of evolution
• 13:20
  that came from 900 or 1,000,000. So what's the difference?
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  And what I've realized is the extreme is something that puts
• 13:29
  this, this really far out as well goal and this goal post way
• 13:34
  out there. And it I think potentially on a
• 13:37
  deep level allowed me to feel peace in failure because I
• 13:42
  realized that if I put this really, really extreme goal out
• 13:45
  there, right? So let's just say I'm like, I
• 13:46
  wanna, you know, 4X my business this year.
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  Well, when I only three X it, I'm like, well, 4X was a crazy
• 13:52
  goal in the 1st place, right? Like we start to I, I realized
• 13:55
  that I started to, to maybe potentially put these big goals
• 13:59
  out there too, to find peace within not accomplishing it and
• 14:04
  being able to hit something lower.
• 14:06
  If I put it out as this huge, huge stretch thing that really
• 14:09
  is this massive goal for me, then maybe I could make peace
• 14:12
  and not actually hitting it because it felt so extreme in
• 14:14
  the 1st place, right. So there was a lot of
• 14:17
  awarenesses of how extremes became something that allowed me
• 14:23
  to hide in that it became a hiding of identity, a hiding of
• 14:26
  the process, a hiding, you know, the failure.
• 14:28
  There's a lot of things that I unpacked from.
• 14:29
  Why do we go to extremes for things we want?
• 14:32
  And what would it mean if we'd no longer lived in extremes of
• 14:36
  achievement, but instead in the milestones or the momentum and
• 14:39
  the process of what it took in pursuit of those goals?
• 14:43
  I also realized that something that I've struggled with for a
• 14:46
  long time, but I think I'm starting to really make a lot
• 14:49
  more peace with now is that you shouldn't take direction from
• 14:52
  people who have not stood where you are looking to stand.
• 14:56
  And we often hear this, you know, don't take marriage advice
• 14:58
  from people who aren't married, don't take financial advice from
• 15:00
  people who are not financially savvy.
• 15:02
  But the thing that I, I don't think it's a matter of judgement
• 15:06
  of those people as much as it's, there's just the person who
• 15:10
  hasn't stepped into the fire can't describe the heat.
• 15:15
  So there's also just this lens of it's not to say anything good
• 15:19
  or bad about those people, but if you really want to better
• 15:22
  understand something you're going for, you have to know who
• 15:25
  you're asking and why you're asking.
• 15:27
  So I realized that sometimes in certain parts of my life, I was
• 15:30
  getting advice from people in certain areas that frankly, I
• 15:34
  didn't want their outcome. Like I would ask people about
• 15:38
  relationships who were in situations that I didn't want to
• 15:42
  be in. And So what I realized was every
• 15:45
  time that I really want to get advice or insight on something,
• 15:49
  I at first asked myself, has that person been through what I
• 15:52
  want to go through? Because if not, it probably is
• 15:56
  not somebody that I'm going to take advisement from.
• 15:58
  And it's not to say anything good or bad about this
• 16:00
  individual or the person in your life that you might be thinking
• 16:02
  of. It's just to say that like, am I
• 16:05
  really getting advice from people who understand what I'm
• 16:08
  talking about and what I'm looking to achieve?
• 16:11
  And so like, if I'm trying to really be healthy, should I be
• 16:14
  asking someone unhealthy about health advice, Right?
• 16:18
  Like we're like, if I'm really trying to be in a healthy
• 16:20
  relationship, but I have a friend who, you know, is in a
• 16:22
  toxic relationship, do I feel like maybe that's the person I
• 16:26
  need to be going to for this advice?
• 16:28
  And I think so many of us have this, you know, circle of
• 16:31
  advisory, right? We have these people around us
• 16:33
  who we take advice from, whether it's a friend, could be your
• 16:36
  mom, it could be your dad, a sibling, maybe, and you take
• 16:40
  advice from these people in your circle.
• 16:42
  But we never really ask ourselves, is this the person
• 16:46
  that I should be getting the advice from?
• 16:48
  Is this the person that I feel like has the experience and has
• 16:53
  run this race and who has been through this experience and
• 16:56
  who's taken these steps to really know and have experienced
• 17:01
  in real life what this looks like?
• 17:03
  Not in theory, right? And so it's even when you know,
• 17:07
  you think about maybe you're a mom or you're wanting to be a
• 17:09
  mom. Like, I'm not going to take my
• 17:11
  parenting advice or my mom advice from anyone who doesn't
• 17:14
  have kids because they don't know, like they haven't been
• 17:17
  through it, right? And so like for me, when I get
• 17:20
  to that place where I want to have a family, it's not going to
• 17:23
  be about like, hey, let me ask all my single friends what they
• 17:26
  think I should do as to XYZ. It's like I will go to the moms
• 17:29
  in my inner circle that I deeply respect, that I know who have
• 17:32
  walked the fire to be like, hey, tell me about the heat.
• 17:35
  Like, what am I going to experience?
• 17:36
  What are the things that I'm going to go through?
• 17:39
  And I think in a situation like that, you think to yourself,
• 17:41
  well, duh, of course you would talk to other parents about
• 17:43
  parenting. But then why do we not do that
• 17:45
  in other areas? Why do we not do that when it
• 17:47
  comes to money, right? Like if we're trying to build
• 17:49
  wealth, are you talking to someone who has built wealth?
• 17:52
  If you are wanting to build a business, why are we talking to
• 17:56
  your inner circle who none of which have a business?
• 17:59
  Go and ask somebody who has a business, who's built multiple
• 18:02
  businesses what they see. If you're somebody, for example,
• 18:06
  who is trying to find yourself maybe within your faith and it's
• 18:10
  something new for you, as even for me in the last couple years
• 18:13
  is new for me. I try to now surround myself
• 18:17
  with people who live and embody their faith day-to-day.
• 18:19
  And I try to look at, OK, well what does that look like?
• 18:22
  Or I might even surround myself with someone as well who is in a
• 18:25
  newer part of their journey with faith and say, well, what does
• 18:28
  this feel like for you and how are you navigating X?
• 18:31
  That is something that I find has allowed me to realize that
• 18:36
  I'm not having as much conflict anymore.
• 18:38
  I used to have so much conflict with, you know, trying to get
• 18:41
  advice from people that hadn't really experienced anything I
• 18:44
  was looking to do and then also getting frustrated with the
• 18:47
  advice that I got back. And I would try to, you know,
• 18:50
  they always kind of use that term like beat a dead horse.
• 18:52
  I would feel like I would constantly go to certain people
• 18:55
  for advice or for advisement and then be frustrated with the
• 18:58
  advice I got and go back again in the hopes of getting
• 19:00
  something different. Instead of realizing I'm going
• 19:03
  to the wrong place, like you're going to the wrong place for the
• 19:06
  information and the insight that you're looking for.
• 19:08
  Maybe the reason that you're not getting the clarity you want is
• 19:12
  because you're not going to the right place to go find it and to
• 19:15
  to go receive it. And so I also think this
• 19:20
  connects to another lesson that I learned, which is that often
• 19:23
  times I think many of us are seeking outside of ourselves for
• 19:28
  answers. And this has been an interesting
• 19:32
  one for me because, you know, as I was noting, I'm kind of like,
• 19:35
  I would say in the very infancy of like my faith journey.
• 19:39
  And I had something that happened to me a couple years
• 19:41
  ago. I remember I went to, you know,
• 19:44
  my mom and I had said, hey, like, can I borrow your Bible?
• 19:46
  And she was like, sure. Like obviously I could have gone
• 19:49
  and bought one, but I just was like, I knew she had had a bunch
• 19:51
  from when we were going up. And so I said, can I borrow
• 19:53
  this? And I remember that, you know, I
• 19:57
  would say faith is the first bucket where I've really gotten
• 20:00
  clarity from in me, which really ultimately was like, you know,
• 20:04
  with God. And this is not to say that you
• 20:07
  have to believe this one way or another, like your beliefs are
• 20:09
  your own and you should make that choice for yourself.
• 20:13
  But this journey for me made me realize that I was so deeply
• 20:19
  hoping somebody outside of me knew what was right for me.
• 20:23
  And truthfully, I don't even think that people know what's
• 20:25
  right for themselves. Like I think often times all of
• 20:28
  us are looking for this external, like somebody tell me
• 20:31
  what to do. And I feel like faith was the
• 20:33
  first time that I really started to understand that no one has
• 20:38
  that answer for me. And if anything, you know, God
• 20:43
  is really the only one who has this path understood.
• 20:46
  He knows what is to come for me. He knows what is no longer
• 20:49
  serving me. And it made me realize that I
• 20:54
  needed to stop looking for answers in other people because
• 20:59
  most of them don't even have the answers for themselves, let
• 21:01
  alone for me. And also, if I'm looking to
• 21:04
  somebody else to give me answers, it also means that I
• 21:08
  have to realize that they are giving me advice based off their
• 21:12
  lived experience. OK, so they're seeing the world
• 21:15
  through a set of goggles that have been developed from their
• 21:18
  upbringing, their culture, their experiences.
• 21:21
  They have a certain bias in which they see the world.
• 21:24
  So their set of lenses and the way that they see the world may
• 21:28
  not necessarily be the same way that I want to see the world or
• 21:30
  that I do today. And so to take advisement from
• 21:33
  those people around me can sometimes mean, OK, well, like,
• 21:38
  do they have the answers for me? And I think many of us anyway.
• 21:42
  And I, I, I'm not someone who I would say is very woo, but I do
• 21:46
  really feel like this year I learned the power of intuition
• 21:49
  because I think that I have had over these years in different
• 21:53
  buckets, I had this intuition to start this business.
• 21:55
  Like I had this poll that told me I could do it when even
• 21:58
  though I had no evidence it was going to work.
• 22:00
  I had a poll that told me, you know, certain relationships
• 22:02
  weren't serving me, but I couldn't really make sense of
• 22:04
  why that was. I just had this gut feeling.
• 22:07
  And I think so much of certain processes, I would try to get
• 22:12
  advisement from someone else thinking external evidence was
• 22:15
  going to finally give me this clarity that I needed.
• 22:18
  And I think that I've learned time and time again the hard
• 22:22
  way, you know, having this intuition of what I need to do
• 22:25
  but trying to have someone else tell me to do it.
• 22:27
  It only ever happened when I decided to do it.
• 22:30
  It only happened when I got over my own fear and said yes to
• 22:33
  something or no to something. And I learned that fear is so
• 22:40
  much louder than knowing. And that awareness is, I think,
• 22:46
  part of what has kind of intertwined with my faith
• 22:50
  journey because I realized that there is this, I have a knowing,
• 22:54
  like I have a knowing of what I need to do.
• 22:56
  I have a knowing of what doesn't feel right for me, but I would
• 23:00
  just always have so much noise, right?
• 23:02
  And so I, I remember someone had shared a quote with me and they
• 23:06
  said, you know, and again, this isn't really about religion by
• 23:08
  any means. This is just about, you know,
• 23:10
  internalizing this. And however this lands for you,
• 23:13
  someone had said to me, you have you ever gotten quiet enough to
• 23:18
  hear God? That was a really interesting
• 23:21
  quote that he had shared with me because it landed deeply for him
• 23:24
  and it caused a massive transformation in his life.
• 23:27
  But it also made me realize that maybe I am just so overwhelmed
• 23:30
  with so much fear and anxiety. And you know, all of these
• 23:33
  things that are coming up for me that I haven't really been able
• 23:35
  to sit with silence of like, do I know?
• 23:38
  And it's crazy because every time that I've taken silence,
• 23:41
  every time that I have really created space in my life, that's
• 23:45
  when these massive monumental things have happened.
• 23:48
  And I feel like it was only when I took space in nature.
• 23:51
  It was only when I took space in a journal or it was only when I
• 23:53
  took space, you know, to even just go sit in a sauna.
• 23:57
  It was these small little moments.
• 23:58
  But when I took these moments, it was like everything, almost
• 24:01
  like noise cancelling headphones, like someone tuned
• 24:04
  out the background noise and I could finally hear myself.
• 24:08
  And it made me realize that like, I have so much clarity and
• 24:13
  you have most likely a ton of clarity that is sitting in you
• 24:17
  right now that you just can't tap into because you're so
• 24:21
  overwhelmed with outside noise. And outside noise can be
• 24:24
  anything. It could be social media, it
• 24:26
  could be business noise. It could be your parents who
• 24:29
  have very vocal opinions about what they think is right for
• 24:31
  you. It could be a friend group that
• 24:33
  you feel like are very vocal about what they want for you.
• 24:35
  Whatever it is, I think that there's a lot of noise and we
• 24:40
  have to ask ourselves, is that noise where I'm trying to get my
• 24:44
  clarity or is there an opportunity here for me to get
• 24:46
  quiet to really listen to what I feel as intuition is coming up,
• 24:51
  Maybe what my faith is telling me is the right move, whatever
• 24:54
  that, you know, voice for you is.
• 24:56
  Have you actually createspace to listen to that?
• 24:58
  Because that's not something that maybe you need to be going
• 25:03
  outside of yourself for. Maybe you have that voice in
• 25:06
  you. You just got to crank up the
• 25:07
  volume. And cranking up the volume is
• 25:09
  not saying, well, how do I tune into that?
• 25:11
  It's actually removing the noise that's blocking that message or
• 25:15
  that clarity from getting through in the 1st place.
• 25:18
  And this is actually what happened to me a year and a half
• 25:21
  ago when I went to, you know, Montana.
• 25:23
  I sat in nature and I broke like I broke.
• 25:29
  And I'm from Toronto. I'm around a lot of stimuli all
• 25:31
  the time. I'm around a lot of people.
• 25:32
  I'm around a lot of noise. And I hadn't really been with
• 25:35
  myself. And then I go and I do this and
• 25:38
  I have this like overwhelming, like tsunami of clarity.
• 25:42
  And it was so overwhelming. I didn't know what to do with
• 25:44
  it. And I realized I was like, I
• 25:47
  feel like I've had this pull that I need to do something, but
• 25:54
  I haven't been able to listen to it until this literal moment.
• 25:57
  It was the worst moment timing wise when my intuition was like,
• 25:59
  girl, you know, you know, you know what you need to do.
• 26:04
  And maybe for you it's starting a certain business and maybe
• 26:06
  it's a certain move you have to make.
• 26:07
  Maybe it's a relationship thing, maybe it's a health thing, maybe
• 26:10
  it's whatever the bucket is. But I think you have a knowing
• 26:14
  in something right now that you probably have a lot of noise
• 26:18
  that's blocking your ability to hear exactly what to do with it,
• 26:21
  which is causing it to kind of stay underneath the surface.
• 26:24
  I think once we tune into that, there's so much unlock that can
• 26:27
  happen in US and in our lives. I also will say that, you know,
• 26:31
  I've learned a lot about urgency.
• 26:36
  I think many of us are rushing our timelines and that can be in
• 26:42
  so many different things. You can rush your timeline in,
• 26:45
  you know, maybe it's buying a house, you rush your timeline.
• 26:47
  And when you want to get married or have kids, you rush your
• 26:49
  timeline and business. You're like have to hit this
• 26:51
  income by this time. And I realized that sometimes
• 26:56
  urgency is really out of a place of fear and that wisdom and the
• 27:01
  things that are right are often kind of waiting underneath the
• 27:08
  craziness and the noise that's happening.
• 27:10
  And that we really have to learn that there is wisdom in waiting.
• 27:15
  And I think about this a lot with myself because truthfully,
• 27:19
  at 33, I thought I would be married by now.
• 27:23
  I thought I would be married. I thought I maybe have a kid or
• 27:24
  two. I thought, you know, I would
• 27:26
  just be in a different place in my life.
• 27:28
  And I thought when I was a kid and I had this kind of timeline
• 27:32
  for myself that would all work out differently.
• 27:35
  And I will be honest, it's still something that I'm navigating
• 27:38
  because I still have this teeter totter of kind of going back.
• 27:41
  I do it less than I once did, But I, I just have this deep
• 27:44
  fear of like, will it happen for me?
• 27:47
  Will I, you know, get married? And when will that happen?
• 27:50
  And will I have, you know, the kids and will that happen?
• 27:53
  And when will that happen? And I start to have all of this
• 27:55
  like I feel like I have to do it now, now, now, now, now.
• 27:58
  And I remember I went to my therapist and I said, you know,
• 28:01
  I, I really want, I like, I'm, I'm like, let's go already kind
• 28:05
  of thing, right? I felt like this urgency around
• 28:07
  things, but I realized that that urgency is something that is
• 28:13
  really completely action based out of fear.
• 28:16
  And it's not really helping me to get the true life that I want
• 28:20
  or the true outcome that I want. And I would invite you to look
• 28:25
  at areas that you want something urgently.
• 28:29
  I realized that when I really wanted to be married, like I
• 28:31
  really have all my, all my life because I came from a divorced
• 28:33
  kind of chaotic upbringing when it comes to the family unit and
• 28:36
  all of that. I really just want to recreate
• 28:38
  that for myself. And I have that awareness now
• 28:40
  through therapy. Bless your heart, Linda.
• 28:42
  But I have this awareness now that like I've always wanted
• 28:45
  this family unit. And I did want that because I
• 28:47
  never had that. So I think when I would get into
• 28:51
  relationships, I, I would want to find my person.
• 28:54
  I wanted to settle down, if you will.
• 28:56
  I wanted to, you know, find my partner.
• 28:58
  I wanted to get married. I want to have kids.
• 29:00
  But because I was so urgent, like, let's do this, let's do
• 29:02
  this, let's hit this outcome. I don't think I sad enough with
• 29:04
  like, yeah, I want to be married.
• 29:07
  But like, is this the person I want to be married to or I, I
• 29:09
  want to have kids, but is this the person I want to have kids
• 29:11
  with? And, you know, life has humbled
• 29:14
  me in, in ways to kind of bring that to the surface.
• 29:17
  But I realized like my urgency was what was driving this show.
• 29:20
  And so I was so focused on the timeline.
• 29:23
  And I tell people like I was so focused on the urgency of
• 29:27
  getting this perfect picture, having all these puzzle pieces
• 29:30
  make this picture that I never asked myself like, do these
• 29:33
  pieces meaning do these actions, do these mindsets, do these
• 29:37
  behaviors, do these people make that picture?
• 29:41
  Because like, you want a marriage and you want kids, but
• 29:43
  like, is this you want a, a partner?
• 29:45
  But like, is this your husband, right?
• 29:47
  Or like you want kids, but do you want kids with this person?
• 29:50
  Like you want money, but do you want money this way, right?
• 29:54
  Like I never, I think was asking myself the critical questions
• 29:58
  along the way because I so deeply was just like feeling
• 30:01
  behind. And what I've realized now this
• 30:05
  year is that I remember my therapist said, you know, what
• 30:09
  would happen if you wrote off the next year of your life.
• 30:13
  And originally I was like, I would have a panic attack.
• 30:16
  I was like, if I lost the next year, I would have a panic
• 30:19
  attack. But she's like, no, stay with
• 30:20
  it. Like, what would it look like?
• 30:21
  And I realized that, you know, it's like, I have to just like
• 30:23
  surrender that. Like the urgency is what's
• 30:27
  causing me anxiety. The urgency of when it's going
• 30:30
  to happen and how is it going to happen And all of these things
• 30:32
  and trying to rush through life is what's keeping me from
• 30:35
  missing what is right in front of me, whether that thing is
• 30:38
  amazing or whether it's not working for me.
• 30:40
  I wasn't seeing either of it because I was so focused on the
• 30:43
  future and what was going to be and when it was going to be and
• 30:45
  how it's going to be. And I realized that urgency
• 30:49
  doesn't always allow us to see truth.
• 30:51
  And urgency is keeping you from having the experiences you need
• 30:56
  to have and having the clarity that you need to have and having
• 30:58
  the journey you need to have to be ready for that thing.
• 31:02
  I think so many, even in business, I see so, so many
• 31:04
  people are like, I want to 5X my business this year.
• 31:06
  And I'm like, but you want to go and you want to skip 7 steps
• 31:09
  ahead without going through any of the awarenesses or the
• 31:13
  clarity you need to have to be ready for that stage.
• 31:15
  Like you want to have a 7 figure business without learning any of
• 31:18
  the lessons of the pursuit of the seven figure business.
• 31:22
  And so like for me, I realized that there's so many things that
• 31:25
  I wanted, but I'm like this moment in time right now is
• 31:29
  where I'm going to learn the lessons that are prepping me for
• 31:31
  the thing that I want. So I would encourage you to ask
• 31:36
  yourself, where in life are you being urgent?
• 31:38
  Where in life are you not allowing there to be wisdom in
• 31:41
  your waiting? And that was something that I
• 31:45
  realized I need to learn to sit in the waiting.
• 31:48
  And waiting is not like sitting on your hands and being like
• 31:50
  hope and pray this happens. It's it's, it's also working
• 31:54
  within the waiting. It's realizing there's wisdom in
• 31:56
  the waiting, but that also requires you to be working
• 31:58
  within the waiting, having awareness, having intention,
• 32:01
  reflecting, tuning into the behaviors that are working and
• 32:04
  not working, not just kind of like literally waiting at the
• 32:07
  clock. It's saying, how can I in this
• 32:10
  moment, take leverage of what's in front of me, still have this
• 32:13
  intention for the future, but realize that everything is going
• 32:16
  to happen in the way it's doesn't happen, But I still got
• 32:19
  to keep working within this moment because that's where the
• 32:22
  wisdom is going to come from. I also realized that, you know,
• 32:28
  success has kind of been rewritten for me a little bit in
• 32:31
  the last year. And that's because I think
• 32:34
  success previously for me was something that I thought when I
• 32:39
  achieved blank, whatever that thing might be, if it's
• 32:41
  achieving, maybe for you like a certain income goal, maybe it's
• 32:44
  certain amount of followers, it could be, you know, certain
• 32:46
  amount of accolades. So it could be also like
• 32:49
  physical things. Maybe it's like, you know,
• 32:50
  getting married, having a house, whatever it might be.
• 32:53
  I think that I've really realized that there's so much of
• 32:56
  my security that I was putting into this destination happiness.
• 32:59
  And I realized that even with success with the business, I
• 33:02
  really did believe that I was going to feel better, probably
• 33:06
  about myself, about my life, about business and and where
• 33:09
  everything was as soon as I hit a certain target.
• 33:11
  Like if I just had enough money, if I just had enough followers,
• 33:14
  if I just had enough exposure, if I just had enough downloads
• 33:17
  on this podcast, right? Like whatever it is, I always
• 33:19
  had this kind of success and safety will come when.
• 33:23
  And I think that's a very scary place for you or I to be because
• 33:28
  it means that we are allowing ourselves to feel unsafe in a
• 33:33
  given day until we do that thing.
• 33:36
  And what I realized was for me, that safety in success only came
• 33:41
  from me rewriting what success meant to me.
• 33:44
  And it was once I realized that, you know what?
• 33:47
  No amount of money is going to make me like my life.
• 33:49
  You have to like your life right now.
• 33:52
  Like if you don't like getting up and working on your business
• 33:54
  right now, that's actually what you should be working on and
• 33:57
  healing yourself with. Not necessarily.
• 34:01
  All right. Then I have to go make 4 times
• 34:02
  more money because then I'm going to like to work.
• 34:04
  If you don't like working now, you're not going to like working
• 34:06
  when you have 4 times more money.
• 34:08
  Like you have to love the process.
• 34:10
  And I realized that a lot of my belief around success was this
• 34:14
  destination happiness. And I have done a lot of work to
• 34:19
  fall in love with the process and not with the destination in
• 34:22
  business. And also remembering that my
• 34:25
  success constantly being this moving mark was a very
• 34:30
  problematic place to be in business because it meant that
• 34:34
  you were never content. You were never OK.
• 34:37
  You were always going to need more.
• 34:39
  And I see people chase this all the time.
• 34:41
  It really is this like more trap where you're never OK.
• 34:44
  You constantly need more leads, you constantly need more sales,
• 34:47
  you constantly need more exposure, you need more
• 34:49
  followers, you need more money. And there's also other layers of
• 34:53
  where that can come from. But you want to ask yourself,
• 34:55
  like, if I'm not, you know, safe in my current level of success,
• 35:00
  then am I really going to be safe in five times this level of
• 35:03
  success, Right. And I think that we create home
• 35:07
  along the way. So I really also realized that a
• 35:09
  lot of your safety cannot come from the success you have in
• 35:13
  your business. Also, with that desire for fast
• 35:16
  growth, I learned that speed doesn't mean anything if you are
• 35:20
  not working in the right direction.
• 35:22
  I in the last, you know, year and a half, I kind of went from
• 35:25
  this like go, go, go, push, push, push, never sleep type of
• 35:28
  person to realizing that like, I don't want speed.
• 35:33
  If it's taking me in a place that I don't want to go, I don't
• 35:36
  care how fast we're going. If I'm going in a direction I
• 35:38
  don't want to go to, then it doesn't really matter.
• 35:40
  And I realized that I was so focused on scaling so fast, like
• 35:45
  so push, push, push more, more, more that I never asked myself
• 35:49
  if I get there. Is that even what you want?
• 35:51
  Like if I'm going to take you on a trip, but I'm taking you to
• 35:54
  Texas versus California, do you even want to go to Texas or do
• 35:57
  you want to go to California? That's really not a question
• 36:00
  that I asked myself. I was like, great.
• 36:02
  We're just we're making traction.
• 36:02
  We're making movement. We've, you know, hit another
• 36:04
  mile, we've hit another destination.
• 36:06
  We're making we're making traction and not for me was, you
• 36:10
  know, financial. The the the speedier that I can,
• 36:14
  you know, generate this income, the better I am, the better off
• 36:18
  and more progress I've made. But I never really asked myself
• 36:21
  that question. Progress in comparison to what?
• 36:24
  Like progress based on what? And I think so many of us want
• 36:29
  to rush results and you want to ask yourself, is it about just
• 36:35
  doing it fast or, and like in whatever way that you know gets
• 36:39
  you there and whatever place that that allows you to arrive
• 36:42
  at? Or is it really about if it
• 36:45
  took? And I ask clients this all the
• 36:46
  time when they tell me they want like a, a $6 million business, I
• 36:50
  say if it took twice as long, but you got to the 6,000,000 and
• 36:55
  you were obsessed with your business, your lifestyle and you
• 36:57
  loved the process the entire time.
• 36:59
  Which do you prefer and why? And I realized so many people
• 37:04
  just want speed for the perception of having the speed.
• 37:07
  Like they don't even really necessarily know why they want
• 37:10
  it to go that fast or why they needed that to happen.
• 37:13
  They just wanted it fast. And you know, speed is not
• 37:17
  always the marker of success. It really may allow you to get
• 37:21
  to this place because you're so heads down in the weeds just
• 37:24
  fast, fast, fast that you don't really look up to even figure
• 37:27
  out where are you going. And I feel like that's where I
• 37:29
  got, I got this place where I realized that I was just looking
• 37:34
  for grow, grow, grow, grow, grow.
• 37:36
  But I never checked in to be like growing in the direction we
• 37:38
  want, growing into where the place we want to go to.
• 37:41
  Because if that's not happening, why am I excited we're getting
• 37:44
  there soon when I'm getting to a place that I don't even want to
• 37:46
  go to. And so I think success and speed
• 37:50
  and kind of understanding those two places were really important
• 37:54
  for me. Another lesson that I had in
• 37:56
  this post as well that I talked about was you were not lost.
• 38:01
  You were just buried and you have to peel back what was never
• 38:04
  yours. And then ultimately that's where
• 38:07
  you are. And it's interesting because I
• 38:11
  feel like this year, this year and a half, which is crazy
• 38:16
  because I'm 33, it's like the first time that I feel like I'm
• 38:19
  actually getting to know myself. What I mean by buried is like, I
• 38:23
  don't, I always felt really lost.
• 38:26
  I, they feel like for most of my life I've kind of felt a little
• 38:28
  bit lost. Like I didn't really have this
• 38:30
  like overwhelming confidence that I was like, this is who I'm
• 38:33
  going to be and this is what I'm going to do.
• 38:35
  I've always felt and wondered like, am I doing it right?
• 38:37
  Like is this what I'm supposed to do?
• 38:39
  Is this who I am? Like, am I an extrovert or am I
• 38:42
  an introvert or, you know, do I want to live here or do I want
• 38:46
  to live somewhere else? Like I always just had this like
• 38:48
  just like intense internal conflict and I always kind of
• 38:52
  felt lost within myself. I didn't know.
• 38:56
  You don't like those moments where you ask yourself like, am
• 38:59
  I really? Is this who I am?
• 39:00
  Like is this, am I living aligned?
• 39:02
  Is this who I'm pretending to be?
• 39:06
  Or is this who I actually am? I don't know if this is making
• 39:09
  any sense to you, but I realized that when I removed all the shit
• 39:16
  there I was. And it wasn't this like creating
• 39:19
  of me. It was literally just the
• 39:20
  finding of me and it was this. It's so hard to explain.
• 39:25
  I feel like I, I removed all these beliefs and labels and
• 39:32
  projections and all these things that I had been brought up to
• 39:37
  know. I had removed all these labels
• 39:41
  of who I was told that I was. And these are even small things,
• 39:44
  right? Like if someone's like, oh,
• 39:45
  yeah. Like she's really a social
• 39:47
  butterfly in my head. I was like, no, I'm not.
• 39:51
  Like I am the person who loves to take a good evening to like
• 39:55
  rot in bed with a bowl of soup and watching some, you know,
• 39:59
  trash reality TV. Like that's something that I
• 40:01
  would say if I had my pick versus that or going to a huge
• 40:04
  event, that's where you're going to find me.
• 40:05
  You're going to find me in the sheets.
• 40:07
  So I personally found that there were so many things that were
• 40:12
  put on me as a label and I didn't even realize how much of
• 40:16
  that I was integrating. And so I started to say, you
• 40:19
  know, what if that feels true for me?
• 40:21
  And also I started to think about what were things that were
• 40:23
  given to me as beliefs? What was programming that I was
• 40:26
  given? What were things that I was told
• 40:27
  to be true? Did I actually believe this to
• 40:30
  be true? And so once I stripped it all
• 40:32
  away and I started to literally, I want you to almost think about
• 40:36
  like sorting what your parents told you to be true, what your
• 40:39
  friends believe of you, what people say, you know, oh, she's
• 40:42
  the funny one or she's the spicy one or she's the whatever.
• 40:45
  When I started to remove all of that stuff, I'm like, who am I?
• 40:51
  And I think that I didn't realize how buried in other
• 40:58
  people's beliefs I was or in what other people had told me I
• 41:03
  was. And so once I removed it all and
• 41:05
  I was like, that doesn't feel true for me.
• 41:07
  That doesn't resonate, that doesn't land.
• 41:08
  And I started to really sort. That's where I figured out the
• 41:12
  true self of who I was. And part of it was still there.
• 41:15
  Meaning like, I definitely, you know, have been like a a little
• 41:19
  spicy girl since I like, I always had these like little
• 41:21
  like, kind of like quick jab thoughts.
• 41:23
  I've always had those. I've been like that since I was
• 41:25
  like 6. So like some of those things are
• 41:27
  still true that I, I love kind of like a hard hitting truth,
• 41:30
  etcetera. But there's also things that I
• 41:33
  feel like didn't land for me. And I realized that's not who I
• 41:37
  am and that I'm bodying this because other people have kind
• 41:41
  of told me or, you know, kind of placed this label on me or I
• 41:45
  would find there was things that maybe I was given as a label
• 41:48
  that I didn't want to have as a label.
• 41:49
  Like I didn't, I didn't want to have certain identities other
• 41:53
  people associated me with. And I was like, that used to
• 41:55
  serve me. That doesn't serve me any
• 41:56
  longer. And so like, I'm done with that
• 41:58
  and I'm moving on from that. And so I really realized that we
• 42:02
  many times struggle to understand ourselves or we
• 42:06
  struggle to understand what's right for us or what's wrong for
• 42:08
  us because we're told what's right for us and what's wrong
• 42:10
  for us. And I think it's only once you
• 42:13
  can really know yourself. And it's crazy because I was
• 42:15
  talking to someone about this the other day at brunch.
• 42:18
  I feel like many of us, maybe you, we don't really know
• 42:22
  ourselves like you say we do, do we?
• 42:26
  Because I think there's so many people who are 30 who are like,
• 42:30
  I feel like I'm just now finding myself.
• 42:34
  And I feel like this moment in time in my life, is it the first
• 42:36
  time that I'm kind of starting to feel really comfortable in my
• 42:39
  own skin and really comfortable with my own boundaries?
• 42:41
  I'm really comfortable with my choices and my friend group.
• 42:43
  And like I'm really curating. This is the first time I really
• 42:46
  feel like at a deep level, I'm curating my life.
• 42:48
  Like I'm really being intentional with how I'm showing
• 42:51
  up, the thoughts that I have, the behaviors that I have, and
• 42:53
  the people that I have. And I realized that that only
• 42:58
  came though after a shedding process of all the things that I
• 43:02
  needed to create space for. I couldn't create this new life
• 43:07
  without releasing all these other things that had been my
• 43:09
  quote UN quote old life. And it's a really freeing place.
• 43:13
  And I realized they also part of the label I had to release was
• 43:15
  this shame, if you will, of not knowing who I was at 30 years
• 43:19
  old. Like I thought, Oh my gosh, what
• 43:21
  does that? What does that mean if I'm 30
• 43:22
  and I don't really know who I am?
• 43:24
  But I realized I think that there's, you know, people who
• 43:26
  are 60 who don't really know who they are, right?
• 43:28
  Like there's, unless you've done the work, you don't know.
• 43:32
  And I realized that I didn't want to be 60 and not know who I
• 43:34
  was. And I didn't want to wait any
• 43:36
  longer. And I wanted to do the work and
• 43:38
  to dive in and to, to decide that if there was parts of me or
• 43:42
  parts of my life that I didn't feel as activated by, like I
• 43:45
  wanted to unpack those and make change within that.
• 43:47
  And I'm really happy that I did. The other one that I would also
• 43:50
  say obviously in the last year has been a big one for me is
• 43:53
  that the right person and the right love in your life won't
• 43:58
  make you anxious. Safety is the new chemistry and
• 44:05
  regulation is the real spark. And I think so many, you know,
• 44:12
  movies, so many things tell us that there's like this like
• 44:15
  really like intoxicating love, right?
• 44:19
  You meet somebody and you're just like, I just like have this
• 44:22
  overwhelming infatuation. And I'm just like, I'm off my
• 44:25
  hinges because I'm so obsessed with this person.
• 44:28
  And it's interesting because I think for many, I'll speak for
• 44:31
  myself. I think for me, I really loved
• 44:36
  that feeling. I really loved like the obsessed
• 44:40
  with each other kind of, you know, roller coaster of emotion.
• 44:44
  But I don't think I asked myself maybe enough if like, does that
• 44:47
  roller coaster change? Does that roller coaster stop?
• 44:50
  Because if the roller coaster continues, do you want to be on
• 44:52
  a roller coaster for the rest of your life?
• 44:54
  And there is, in a way I can't really describe, I realized the
• 44:59
  power of the right person will know how to just calm your
• 45:05
  nervous system. And when you meet somebody, you
• 45:10
  won't have anxiety and you won't question yourself and you won't
• 45:13
  question your worth and you won't wonder if you've lost
• 45:16
  yourself in the process. And you know, to be transparent,
• 45:22
  I have just had relationships where, you know, I remember I
• 45:28
  had a partner who had eyes, is how I put it, had eyes
• 45:32
  elsewhere, wandering gaze. I think it's how they call it.
• 45:36
  And I think that that made me really anxious and it made me
• 45:43
  really question myself. And I just never felt safe in
• 45:47
  the relationship. And I was trying everything to
• 45:51
  not think about this and not remember this and, you know,
• 45:54
  kind of just look away and like, try to make it work and try to
• 45:57
  figure things out. And I realized that the right
• 46:01
  person as a partner will know how to love you like the right
• 46:05
  way without you having to break it down every step by step as a
• 46:09
  curriculum for them. And I don't think I gave enough
• 46:13
  weight to that. I realized that, you know, I, I
• 46:16
  used to kind of have this space that I would create for other
• 46:20
  people where I would make excuses.
• 46:22
  Well, oh, like he didn't grow up with, you know, parents who were
• 46:25
  XYZ and he didn't grow up or he hasn't done this work or, but he
• 46:28
  doesn't, he doesn't know XYZ or whatever.
• 46:31
  And I'd always make these excuses.
• 46:34
  And then I realized that, like, what if someone just knew how to
• 46:39
  love you? Like, what if someone just knew
• 46:42
  how to support you and how to hold space for you and how to,
• 46:47
  you know, be there in the moments where you're completely
• 46:48
  unglued and how to give you strength when you don't have it
• 46:51
  and how to see you when you feel like you don't see yourself.
• 46:53
  Like, what if that existed? What if that was there?
• 46:57
  And I realized that like, when you really are truly aligned in
• 47:01
  your love life, you won't have anxiety.
• 47:04
  And I, I, I really used to struggle with this idea.
• 47:08
  People would say, like, oh, when you know, you know, and I'm
• 47:10
  like, what the heck does that mean?
• 47:12
  How can that be? And I get it because I think now
• 47:16
  that I've really sat with, you know, what that looks like and
• 47:18
  what that means when you know, you know, I do think you know, I
• 47:24
  think your body knows. I think your brain knows.
• 47:27
  Like, it sounds really silly, but can you sleep like a baby
• 47:30
  around this person? Can you feel like you can be
• 47:34
  your ugliest, messiest, you know, craziest self and the most
• 47:38
  unglued part of you and that they can hold space for that?
• 47:41
  Do you feel like they know how to love you without it being
• 47:45
  broken down? And I just realized that the
• 47:48
  right person is just going to give you this level of safety in
• 47:52
  your life that you won't have to explain.
• 47:59
  And I realized that like, I don't want to coach somebody
• 48:02
  completely from front to back on like how to love me.
• 48:06
  And I do think, you know, communication is important to
• 48:08
  relationships and you should express what you need and think
• 48:11
  It's not that I just, I didn't want to feel like I was like
• 48:14
  this broken machine that needed to hand someone a step by step
• 48:18
  manual. And I realized that if you do,
• 48:20
  that may just mean that you are not with the right person.
• 48:23
  And that doesn't mean anything that bad about them.
• 48:25
  It just means that they don't really know how to navigate
• 48:28
  maybe or operate a person like you.
• 48:32
  And I realized that when it doesn't work out, which is
• 48:36
  another lesson and I struggle with this a lot this year.
• 48:39
  Is that like I have a lot of things that I know about why my
• 48:45
  relationships have not worked And it's hard because all you
• 48:50
  want to do is like tell people. All you want to do is just be
• 48:52
  like if you only knew though that like XYZ happened.
• 48:56
  Like when I'm, when I left my engagement, I felt so much shame
• 49:03
  and I felt like I needed to tell people why and how I got there.
• 49:09
  Like, I was like, they need to know because I feel like they're
• 49:11
  going to think that I'm awful and they're going to, you know,
• 49:14
  think XYZ or assume XYZ. And then I just realized that
• 49:20
  like, I don't know anybody in my story.
• 49:24
  Like I just don't own anybody. My side of the argument.
• 49:27
  And if people cared to truly, deeply understand, they would
• 49:30
  call me, they would ask me. And there's going to be people
• 49:35
  who make up their side of the story on something that happens.
• 49:39
  And I think that I've realized that there's just no gain in
• 49:43
  trying to get the last say or the last word in.
• 49:48
  Like, there's just, there's no gain in that.
• 49:51
  And the process of the engagement taught me that
• 49:54
  because I could tell that there was definitely, you know,
• 50:01
  opinion on the other side of the table of like who I was.
• 50:04
  And while I know that's not true, and while I know I have a
• 50:07
  lot of evidence and things that I could share that would make
• 50:11
  people go, oh, I just, you don't owe everybody an explanation.
• 50:17
  And like, if you are seeking that in something, maybe even
• 50:21
  that's with a client, you're like, I need to get this last
• 50:23
  word, right? Need to get like, they, they
• 50:24
  need to know though, that this wasn't how it was supposed to go
• 50:26
  down. Or they need to know that this
• 50:28
  was not, you know, my fault or they need to know that this is
• 50:30
  whatever. Why do they need to know?
• 50:32
  Like, why does anybody need to know your side of the story?
• 50:36
  And I realized that the only reason I wanted that is because
• 50:38
  I wanted people to validate that I wasn't a bad person.
• 50:42
  I wanted people to validate all these things that truthfully
• 50:46
  were just things that I was bullying myself around.
• 50:49
  Again, that internal dialogue. I was being mean to myself and I
• 50:52
  wanted someone else to tell me I don't have to be mean to myself
• 50:54
  anymore. And instead what I did is I just
• 50:56
  gave myself that permission. I just said, like, girl, you're
• 50:59
  good. Like things happen.
• 51:01
  You know, we all navigate things and like, just because you have
• 51:05
  and you're sitting on this information doesn't mean you
• 51:08
  have to share it. Like this is yours and like you
• 51:11
  move on and create peace in your life.
• 51:13
  And like, that is a chapter and a book that is closed and you
• 51:17
  get to move forward in this new book.
• 51:19
  And like there doesn't need to be this, you know, positioning
• 51:25
  of your end because like, no one needs to know it doesn't matter.
• 51:29
  And some stories are best in silence.
• 51:34
  Like, and I, I really think that this is just one of those
• 51:37
  stories in my life that like, of course the inner people in my
• 51:39
  circle know, but other than like, probably four people, like
• 51:43
  no one knows. And that's OK because I
• 51:47
  realized, you know what, Like, they can think what they're
• 51:49
  going to think. And this is going to be a silent
• 51:51
  version of my story and that's going to be it.
• 51:54
  And I don't owe anybody the other side.
• 51:57
  And I think that, you know, with that, I also will say that
• 52:03
  another lesson I learned is that every version of you is what got
• 52:07
  you to this point. And you shouldn't resent your
• 52:10
  past. You should thank your past for
• 52:12
  carrying you. And I think this year I had to
• 52:15
  do a lot of healing with past me.
• 52:17
  I feel like I've made so many mistakes in my life, like back
• 52:20
  to obviously what I was saying about, you know, timeline.
• 52:23
  I always had this vision of what I wanted to do in my life and
• 52:25
  where I wanted to be by whatever time.
• 52:28
  And then because I'm not there, I went down the spiral of like
• 52:31
  blaming myself and telling myself that I'm the reason that
• 52:35
  I'm, you know, should be there. I could have been there sooner,
• 52:37
  but I made this mistake or whatever and I for a while was
• 52:43
  so just focused on like bullying myself that I did it wrong or
• 52:46
  bullying myself into like, you know, I should have done X
• 52:49
  sooner. I should have done it faster or
• 52:50
  better or whatever. And I just again, I realized
• 52:54
  that those mistakes were like every single one of those was a
• 52:56
  lesson. Like I had to learn what
• 52:59
  business done the wrong way was for me to learn how to how I
• 53:03
  wanted to do business in this era the right way for me.
• 53:06
  I had to learn, you know, what was not love, to learn what love
• 53:12
  was. I had to learn, you know, what
• 53:15
  being healthy or kind to my body was not to learn what it is in
• 53:20
  this phase. Like I had to unlearn all of
• 53:22
  those through those past experiences to get to where I
• 53:25
  am. And I think even for you, you,
• 53:28
  you know, if you think back on all the chapters of your life,
• 53:31
  what are maybe decisions that you're like, could I have undone
• 53:34
  that or could I have not experienced that?
• 53:36
  And probably, yeah, if you did, you would ask yourself, would I
• 53:40
  be where I am? And like all of this stuff and
• 53:42
  all of the shit that I have been through is the reason that I
• 53:46
  have the armor on me that I have today.
• 53:49
  It's the reason I have the mindset that I have today.
• 53:51
  It's the reason I have the heart that I have today.
• 53:54
  And I wouldn't change that. And so I think the only reason
• 53:58
  that I ever change it is because I have this belief that it was
• 54:01
  wrong. And that's because I don't
• 54:02
  really look at why it was right. And so I look at now my past
• 54:06
  experiences, and I say, what did I learn from that or what was
• 54:08
  the take away from that? And I think the most important
• 54:11
  thing to make sure that you're not in this loop of feeling, you
• 54:14
  know, resentful of your past is I think resentment comes from
• 54:17
  the lack of reflection. We're resentful of our past
• 54:23
  selves or our past life because we haven't really reflected on
• 54:26
  what it gave us. We're only reflecting on what it
• 54:28
  took from us or we thought we wanted.
• 54:30
  Right. Taking also assumes that it
• 54:32
  means you were supposed to have something.
• 54:33
  Well, what if that wasn't yours to have in that chapter?
• 54:35
  What if that was not supposed to go that way?
• 54:38
  And there's so many things that I've learned from my failures or
• 54:44
  from my mistakes, if you will, and from my past.
• 54:47
  And I was actually talking with us in the context of of love the
• 54:51
  other day. I was talking to somebody about,
• 54:53
  you know, they were saying, you know, how do you feel about love
• 54:55
  now? And I said that, you know, I
• 54:58
  feel like every relationship that I've been in has really
• 55:00
  been something that taught me something amazing.
• 55:05
  I had one partner who was just like a big teddy bear.
• 55:08
  And he was just like loved on everybody.
• 55:10
  And I realized that I just really wanted someone as a
• 55:13
  partner who is very, very kind and who was like tons of love to
• 55:17
  give and was just like a big teddy bear.
• 55:19
  And then I had another partner who was very disciplined and who
• 55:22
  was very consistent. And I thought, wow, that's
• 55:25
  something that I really admire in a partner, which is someone
• 55:27
  who can say what they're going to do and do it.
• 55:30
  I had another partner who, you know, was really like just like
• 55:34
  funny and light hearted and like just was a kind of like a big
• 55:37
  kid energy. And I realized like I really
• 55:39
  always want to stay in a relationship with somebody who
• 55:41
  can play and who can like have fun and be goofy and like not
• 55:45
  take life too serious. And again, like if I just look
• 55:49
  back and I'm like, Oh my gosh, I was wasted all this time.
• 55:52
  Like I would say now for what I will manifesting that as like my
• 55:56
  husband, I think that I really know who I want and I really
• 56:00
  know what I what I care about and what's important to me.
• 56:03
  And I wouldn't have known that if I hadn't gone through
• 56:06
  everything that I've gone through.
• 56:07
  And even which we talked about in my journey episode, which we
• 56:10
  have a couple episodes dedicated to, you know, you'll see a lot
• 56:13
  of my quote UN quote failures or things that didn't work out are
• 56:16
  literally the things that catapulted me into creating the
• 56:18
  business. And so I've also realized that
• 56:21
  the versions of me that I was were needed to get me to where I
• 56:24
  am today. And I think that another big
• 56:29
  lesson was that friendships shouldn't feel like work.
• 56:35
  They feel like ease. And I've realized that in
• 56:39
  obviously, you know, we've talked about relationships
• 56:41
  today, but there's also the friendship side, which is do the
• 56:45
  friendships that you're around feel like ease and feel like
• 56:48
  flow and feel like coming home to yourself?
• 56:51
  And like, I have a very, very like best friend.
• 56:54
  She's basically my sister. And when we're together, we
• 56:58
  don't have to try. Like I don't even have to think
• 57:01
  like I'm just like, I'm just, I'm just being, I'm just like in
• 57:03
  my being. And I realize that there's just
• 57:06
  such a power in being around the right people and the right
• 57:09
  people who are friends for you will know how to be around you.
• 57:13
  You ever had that like friends that you're with that you feel
• 57:15
  like every time you hang out, you're like, it's just ease and
• 57:18
  it's fun and it's flow and like I'm not anxious and I'm not
• 57:21
  stressed. I'm not like overwhelmed.
• 57:23
  I'm not talking about heavy stuff.
• 57:24
  Like we're just like literally having fun and living life and
• 57:27
  we can be and hold space for each other.
• 57:30
  That to me is like the epitome of the best friends that you can
• 57:34
  have. Because I realized that like
• 57:35
  friends should feel like coming home.
• 57:37
  That's how I want to feel in a friendship that I have.
• 57:40
  It's like being around people who feel like home who can sit
• 57:45
  on the couch in their sweatpants and hang out with you and be
• 57:48
  talking about nothing and it'd still be a great time.
• 57:51
  Or like I had a a friend over recently and we were sitting on
• 57:54
  the couch and like before we knew it were like, Oh my God,
• 57:56
  it's slowly midnight like what is happening?
• 57:58
  And she's like, I gotta go. So we were just literally on the
• 58:01
  couch just talking about like everything.
• 58:04
  And I don't even know. I feel like she was there for
• 58:06
  hours and we're just going and going.
• 58:07
  And we were just sitting on the couch chatting.
• 58:09
  And it just was like, you lose track of time because you're so
• 58:12
  present with each other and you're having such a good time.
• 58:14
  And I think that that really is like the basis of what true
• 58:18
  friendship is. It's like really being able to
• 58:21
  sit with each other and be able to just feel like you're at home
• 58:28
  in one another's company. And I also will say a total
• 58:31
  separate thing that I've learned this year is that healing is
• 58:36
  really interesting because healing shouldn't be something
• 58:39
  that you feel like you need to perform.
• 58:41
  And you don't have to prove that you're over things.
• 58:44
  You don't have to prove that, you know, you're moved on from
• 58:48
  something like your healing process needs to and gets to be
• 58:52
  yours. And like it doesn't need to feel
• 58:54
  performative and you don't need to feel like you're on some
• 58:57
  timeline of how you're healing through something.
• 59:00
  I realized that, you know, when I went through everything this
• 59:03
  year, I kind of was like trying to like, you know, be over it.
• 59:07
  Like I was trying to really just get over it.
• 59:09
  And it's interesting because as I record this, I'm now seeing
• 59:15
  somebody right now, which is amazing.
• 59:17
  And it's interesting because there's a moment that came up
• 59:20
  and it was like a trigger of something that happened.
• 59:23
  And I got really emotional about my past relationship.
• 59:26
  And I remember being so self-conscious because I
• 59:29
  thought, Oh my gosh, he's going to think that like I'm not over
• 59:32
  this. Like I should be over this
• 59:33
  because it's been like over a year now and like whatever.
• 59:36
  And I remember him saying, like, you were with this person for
• 59:41
  eight years, like, it's OK to be upset, it's OK to grieve, it's
• 59:46
  OK to have flashbacks of memories and whatever.
• 59:51
  And I remember like I in that moment realized that like I was
• 59:55
  trying to prove I was over something.
• 59:59
  And like I've had, and maybe you've had things that have
• 1:00:01
  happened in your life, traumas that have happened, experiences
• 1:00:04
  that have happened. And you tell yourself like, I'm
• 1:00:06
  over it, I'm over it, I'm over it.
• 1:00:07
  You know, you're trying to tell yourself you're past it.
• 1:00:10
  But what if we also just like created space that you don't
• 1:00:12
  have to be past it? Like what if you just allowed
• 1:00:15
  yourself to still be like, no, you don't know what I'm still
• 1:00:17
  kind of in it. Like I feel like for me, I had
• 1:00:19
  things that happened. I don't even know when I'm 33.
• 1:00:22
  When I was 20, I had things that happened that I feel like still
• 1:00:24
  now, if something came up that triggered it for me, I probably
• 1:00:27
  would still get emotional. And I think that that's OK.
• 1:00:29
  Like that's human. And I realized that there's so
• 1:00:34
  many things in my life that I was trying to kind of prove I
• 1:00:38
  was over or prove that I had healed from.
• 1:00:41
  And I'm like, why? Like, why am I trying to prove
• 1:00:44
  that I'm over this? Why am I trying to prove that I
• 1:00:46
  don't care when I'm just having an experience where something's
• 1:00:49
  being brought up for me? And when I realized in that
• 1:00:51
  moment when I was really, you know, triggered by something, I
• 1:00:58
  was trying to perform my healing, like I was trying to
• 1:01:01
  prove that I had healed. Instead of just realizing that
• 1:01:04
  healing is really this kind of ever evolving nonlinear journey
• 1:01:07
  where you don't have to have a destination of you're done.
• 1:01:10
  It's just kind of ever flowing. And on the same vein, I also
• 1:01:14
  want to say that you don't need to apologize for evolving.
• 1:01:18
  Some people love the version of you that was convenient and not
• 1:01:22
  actually authentic. And growth does not always get
• 1:01:25
  an applause. I've grown a lot this year and
• 1:01:29
  I'm very happy with myself and I'm very proud of myself for
• 1:01:32
  everything that I've done and I've learned.
• 1:01:34
  But there's a lot of people who I know right now are probably
• 1:01:38
  not happy with me. They're not excited about my
• 1:01:41
  growth. They're not excited about
• 1:01:42
  clarity that I had, or they're not excited about changes that I
• 1:01:45
  made. And that's OK.
• 1:01:48
  They're allowed to have their own experience of it.
• 1:01:50
  But I realized that like, I'm not going to apologize for
• 1:01:57
  changing, especially if the change that I'm making is for
• 1:02:01
  the greater good of my life or of myself.
• 1:02:05
  And I realized that there was kind of, I had a shame in
• 1:02:09
  evolving for a bit there. I, I felt like I needed to be
• 1:02:15
  loyal to this old part of me. I needed to be loyal to, well,
• 1:02:19
  this is how I'd been. So this is how I have to stay.
• 1:02:22
  And I felt like, you know, other people knew me to have been a
• 1:02:25
  certain way. And so I have to stay that way.
• 1:02:28
  And I think it's just OK to grow.
• 1:02:31
  It's OK to evolve and say, you know what?
• 1:02:33
  I don't want X anymore or I don't want to be like this
• 1:02:36
  anymore. And I don't want to show up in
• 1:02:38
  this way anymore. And I want to just give you the
• 1:02:41
  permission slip that you might have people in your life who are
• 1:02:45
  only comfortable around those versions of you and that when
• 1:02:48
  you change, you're going to feel some serious resistance.
• 1:02:51
  And you're going to be like, oh, should I change?
• 1:02:53
  Maybe I shouldn't be evolving. Maybe I should just stay the way
• 1:02:55
  that I was. Just because someone's having a
• 1:02:57
  reaction to you're changing and you're growing and you're
• 1:02:59
  shifting does not necessarily mean that the way in which
• 1:03:02
  you're doing it or the call of which you have for yourself to
• 1:03:05
  change is wrong. And I think that that's
• 1:03:08
  something that I needed because I realized that, which is
• 1:03:11
  another lesson. Not everyone is is meant to come
• 1:03:14
  with you and access people had to you is not permit.
• 1:03:19
  Growth is not really about just constantly expanding and adding
• 1:03:22
  on more people to your circle. It's actually about refining it
• 1:03:24
  and realizing that as you grow, you have to surround yourself
• 1:03:28
  with people who are aligned with a version of you that you're
• 1:03:31
  wanting to become who are at a minimum excited for you to
• 1:03:35
  createspace for that. Like if I ever felt like I had a
• 1:03:36
  friend who knew me, for example, in high school and they were
• 1:03:39
  like, well, this is who you were in high school and you're not
• 1:03:41
  this anymore. I'm like, I would freaking hope
• 1:03:44
  so. I'm 33.
• 1:03:45
  I was in high school. Like, of course I'm not going to
• 1:03:48
  be that version. I'm hoping and planning and
• 1:03:52
  working to outgrow her because she is not the me that I want to
• 1:03:58
  be forever. And I realized that, you know,
• 1:04:00
  someone had said to me, you know, well, I was talking about
• 1:04:04
  growth and they said something along the lines of, well, you
• 1:04:06
  knew who I was when you met me. And it was interesting because I
• 1:04:11
  realized, like I do, obviously, I know who you were when I met
• 1:04:14
  you, but I also never assumed that we were just done.
• 1:04:17
  Like, I never assumed we were done evolving.
• 1:04:19
  I never assumed we were done growing.
• 1:04:22
  And I realized that, like, I don't want to ever have shame
• 1:04:25
  for expanding myself, especially if it's in a way that's positive
• 1:04:28
  and, you know, beneficial for me and for my life.
• 1:04:32
  And on that vein, another lesson kind of all wrapped in one is
• 1:04:34
  that you don't owe loyalty to things that don't honor you.
• 1:04:39
  Like staying is not strength if it costs you anything.
• 1:04:44
  And I, this was something I really struggled with because I
• 1:04:48
  believe deeply in loyalty and I believe deeply in, you know,
• 1:04:52
  investing time and energy and continuation to things that you
• 1:04:57
  have put energy into. I'm like, I, I really do believe
• 1:05:00
  in seeing that through. I do believe in, you know, where
• 1:05:04
  you've planted your seeds, you need to nurture them.
• 1:05:07
  But like, if the plant is dying, it's dying.
• 1:05:12
  Like you shouldn't just sit there and be like more water,
• 1:05:15
  more water, more water. Like at a certain point, it
• 1:05:17
  might not be able to be revived. And just sitting by it, hoping
• 1:05:20
  and wishing something changes is not loyalty, right?
• 1:05:25
  And so I realized that there's certain things that I was
• 1:05:28
  staying in not even just relationship wise, but like
• 1:05:33
  business wise, friendship wise. There was things that I was
• 1:05:36
  staying in that I believed were like loyalty to our friendship
• 1:05:39
  or loyalty to the business or whatever.
• 1:05:41
  And I'm like, there's no strength in staying in something
• 1:05:44
  that is literally slowly minimizing you or impacting you.
• 1:05:48
  Like that's not something that you get a Gold Star for.
• 1:05:51
  Loyalty is not losing yourself in the loyalty.
• 1:05:56
  And that was something that was it an interesting and a
• 1:05:58
  difficult lesson that I had to learn was that like, I cannot
• 1:06:01
  lose myself in being loyal to X, whatever that thing might be.
• 1:06:05
  And the other thing that I would also say is that closure in
• 1:06:11
  something is not necessarily something that you get from
• 1:06:16
  something else or someone else. It's something you give
• 1:06:18
  yourself. And I think closure in business
• 1:06:22
  is also really interesting too, because I think many people, you
• 1:06:25
  know, if you have like a team member that doesn't work out,
• 1:06:28
  you might find that you don't get closure with that.
• 1:06:30
  If you have a client that was disgruntled with you, you might
• 1:06:32
  not get closure from that. And I think that it's important
• 1:06:35
  for us to recognize like closure really is what we're seeking
• 1:06:38
  from somebody else that often times is just within us.
• 1:06:41
  We create our closure. And I think as someone who has
• 1:06:45
  had a lot of open loops in my life, I recognize that like,
• 1:06:48
  closure is not something that if I, I have situations where
• 1:06:53
  people aren't you angry about that or aren't you pissed about
• 1:06:55
  that or annoyed about that or even sad?
• 1:06:58
  And I would say, yeah. But like, at the end of the day,
• 1:07:00
  I'm not like, I'm asking that person to meet me at the level
• 1:07:05
  of which I've met myself when they haven't met themselves
• 1:07:08
  there. So like, even if I think about,
• 1:07:11
  you know, my dad, who I don't have a relationship with, and I
• 1:07:15
  think about the fact that I would love to, you know, it
• 1:07:18
  sounds weird, but like get closure as to like how that was
• 1:07:22
  a very open loop that still is open in my life.
• 1:07:25
  Yeah. Could I, you know, go and take
• 1:07:27
  these steps to get closure? I could.
• 1:07:29
  But like, he's not going to say anything to me or, you know,
• 1:07:31
  provide anything for me that's automatically going to be like,
• 1:07:34
  amazing. I'm healed.
• 1:07:35
  Like, I, I don't need that. I realized that the only thing
• 1:07:41
  that I need is to adjust my own perception experience of what
• 1:07:44
  happened and to find how I can forgive myself or, you know,
• 1:07:50
  support myself or love myself through the process.
• 1:07:53
  I'm not going to get any of that from somebody else because it
• 1:07:55
  means that in trying to get closure from something or
• 1:07:59
  someone, you're expecting that thing or person to have the same
• 1:08:04
  level of awareness that you do. And often times that's not the
• 1:08:06
  case. So a great quote that I heard is
• 1:08:09
  that people can only love you or support you to the lengths in
• 1:08:12
  which they've loved or supported themselves.
• 1:08:15
  And that landed for me because I realized that I wanted support
• 1:08:20
  from other people in a way that they were not equipped to
• 1:08:24
  support me. And I kept trying to be like,
• 1:08:27
  but why? But why?
• 1:08:28
  Like this should be possible with this person.
• 1:08:31
  Yes, it would if they were on the same journey as you and if
• 1:08:33
  they had the same clarity and awarenesses that you do, but
• 1:08:36
  they don't. So because of that, that's
• 1:08:39
  something you got to give to yourself.
• 1:08:40
  And it's been one of the most powerful things that I've done
• 1:08:43
  in my life because I realized there's so many open loop
• 1:08:45
  experiences where I have felt, you know, shafted or I felt
• 1:08:50
  impacted by something. And I'm like, I'm trying to get
• 1:08:52
  this healing from somebody else when really I just need to give
• 1:08:55
  this to myself. This is just like something I
• 1:08:56
  need to do for me. And I have created closure in
• 1:08:59
  areas in my life that have never needed or involved somebody else
• 1:09:03
  because I've just made peace with it myself.
• 1:09:06
  And this other one that I will say has has definitely landed
• 1:09:11
  for me is that faith is not knowing how something is going
• 1:09:14
  to work out. It's trusting that even if
• 1:09:17
  everything falls apart first, it will figure itself out.
• 1:09:21
  And I would say part of the reason that I kind of feel a
• 1:09:28
  peace, I would say kind of because I'm not fully there yet.
• 1:09:31
  I'm working on it. I'm working on it.
• 1:09:33
  The reason I kind of feel a peace in my life is because so
• 1:09:38
  many things that have happened, I would have never foreseen
• 1:09:42
  happening. And like, I would have never
• 1:09:43
  guessed, but also kind of were key pieces to getting me like to
• 1:09:48
  be in this chair recording this podcast as I'm talking to you
• 1:09:51
  now and where I am this moment, even in time as I'm recording.
• 1:09:57
  This is all a byproduct of all these things that didn't work
• 1:10:00
  out. And I try to anchor into that
• 1:10:03
  and realize that all of the things that are not working out
• 1:10:05
  are prepping me for what's going to work out.
• 1:10:08
  And I now am blessed to have a lot of evidence to tell me that,
• 1:10:13
  which is like the things that didn't work out in school led me
• 1:10:15
  to become an entrepreneur. The things that didn't work out
• 1:10:17
  in X relationship led me to X relationship.
• 1:10:20
  The things that didn't work out when it comes to, for example,
• 1:10:23
  certain, you know, business things that we did led me to the
• 1:10:26
  business clarity that I have now.
• 1:10:29
  These pieces that didn't align, we're unlocking and creating
• 1:10:33
  space for the next version of what was going to be and what
• 1:10:37
  was going to happen and what was going to work out.
• 1:10:39
  And faith is or, you know, belief in yourself, in your
• 1:10:44
  life, in your business is really a matter of not knowing how it's
• 1:10:50
  going to work out, but just that it will work out the way it's
• 1:10:53
  intended to. And I think that that's kind of
• 1:10:56
  a little bit part of why faith has been a newer journey for me.
• 1:11:00
  I had so many things that had kind of happened back-to-back in
• 1:11:04
  my life, which some would kind of, I guess label as traumas.
• 1:11:08
  When I had these things happen to me, I literally could not
• 1:11:11
  make sense of why is this happening to me?
• 1:11:14
  Like, why is there so much drama?
• 1:11:16
  Like why was there so many things that were happening over
• 1:11:18
  and over? I got so frustrated with all
• 1:11:20
  these things that were happening and I tried to be like, how and
• 1:11:25
  why? Like how is this working out?
• 1:11:26
  And why is this working out the way that it did?
• 1:11:28
  And I got so frustrated. And then I started to realize
• 1:11:31
  that I was trying to make sense of steps that were leading me to
• 1:11:37
  now. So like I would be the person
• 1:11:40
  who I almost want you to think about like you're on a path and
• 1:11:42
  it's not well lit and you're trying to take a step.
• 1:11:44
  You're like, but what's the next step?
• 1:11:45
  And you're like, just keep walking.
• 1:11:46
  Like just keep walking. And I kept always wanting to
• 1:11:49
  know like, but what's next? What's next?
• 1:11:50
  Why is this happening? How could this happen?
• 1:11:52
  And I'm trying to make sense of it all.
• 1:11:53
  And I realized that everything that has been happening is
• 1:11:58
  literally creating the now like it's all evolving to now.
• 1:12:02
  And you may even see us in your own life.
• 1:12:03
  You have things that are happening right now.
• 1:12:05
  You're like, well, if I hadn't, you know, broken up with Tom
• 1:12:08
  that I would never would have met Steve, who is now my
• 1:12:10
  husband, right? Or maybe if I had, you know,
• 1:12:13
  never had ex experience happen, I wouldn't have known that I
• 1:12:16
  could, you know, have kids and then not led me to this.
• 1:12:19
  And it's like, OK, great. And now you have a beautiful son
• 1:12:21
  or daughter or you didn't feel like school was working out and
• 1:12:24
  you felt like you, you know, didn't land when it comes to
• 1:12:27
  school and education. But then that kind of catapulted
• 1:12:29
  you into being a business owner. And now you're crushing it,
• 1:12:31
  right? Like there's so many ways that
• 1:12:32
  we can tie back pieces. But when you're in it, you're
• 1:12:36
  like, this doesn't make any sense.
• 1:12:37
  This doesn't make any sense. And like I have those moments
• 1:12:40
  all the time, all the time. And I think that that's why I've
• 1:12:44
  had to have something bigger than me to believe in because
• 1:12:46
  otherwise I get so microscopic on like what is happening in
• 1:12:49
  front of me right now and how is this happening?
• 1:12:51
  What does it all mean? And I'm like analyzing it.
• 1:12:54
  It's only once I pull back and I'm like, everything is going to
• 1:12:57
  happen in the way that is meant to happen for you and for your
• 1:13:00
  life and for me and for my life. Like it's just all going to,
• 1:13:04
  it's going to be fine. And it's all going to happen in
• 1:13:06
  the way that it's meant to. Now, here's the thing.
• 1:13:09
  It does not mean though, that it won't fall apart 1st.
• 1:13:15
  And that's the thing that I had to make peace with.
• 1:13:17
  It wasn't. I used to think faith was like,
• 1:13:23
  everything's good, everything's going to work out.
• 1:13:25
  Like, you know what I mean? Like it's all, it's all just
• 1:13:27
  like peachy. And then something would happen
• 1:13:30
  and I'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 1:13:31
  This is not it all working out. This is not at all happening for
• 1:13:33
  me, but what I realized was I only had like this belief or
• 1:13:38
  this faith that it was all going to work out As long as the
• 1:13:40
  entire process was seamless, then I was like, amazing, I love
• 1:13:42
  this path. This is great.
• 1:13:44
  When I would get on a path that was super messy and things were
• 1:13:46
  falling apart and I felt like what is going on?
• 1:13:50
  I realized that I had this like shedding that had to happen of
• 1:13:54
  all of these pieces literally falling apart around me for me
• 1:13:59
  to be like, OK, I trust you. I trust you like I trust you,
• 1:14:03
  whatever that is for you. It could be the universe, that
• 1:14:05
  could be, could be religion, it could be God, it could be
• 1:14:07
  whatever. But if it's just like, OK, I
• 1:14:09
  trust it. I trust it.
• 1:14:10
  I trust. It's really easy to say you
• 1:14:11
  trust it when everything's going your way.
• 1:14:14
  True trust is tested, right? And so when we think about
• 1:14:19
  trusting that it's all going to work out, maybe even in your
• 1:14:21
  business right now, you're like, I'm trying to trust that this is
• 1:14:23
  going to turn around. I'm going to trust this is going
• 1:14:25
  to grow in scale. I'm going to trust this team
• 1:14:27
  members going to work, but having faith or having trust in
• 1:14:30
  something is not in the absence of there being trials.
• 1:14:33
  And so I think that's also has been something that's been a big
• 1:14:35
  awareness for me is like, I used to trust as long as there was an
• 1:14:42
  absence of trials. When I started to experience
• 1:14:44
  trials, I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
• 1:14:46
  This is not what I had manifested, right?
• 1:14:48
  And I started to be like, are we are we on the same plan?
• 1:14:50
  Are we hearing each other right? And I realized a great quote
• 1:14:53
  that that someone had passed along to me is that when you,
• 1:14:57
  and again, this is, this is not about necessarily faith
• 1:14:59
  specifically, but however this lands for you when you, I think
• 1:15:04
  I'm going to butcher the quote. But basically the, the sentiment
• 1:15:08
  of it was, if you ask God to move mountains, you're going to
• 1:15:11
  wake up with a shovel. And I realized that that was
• 1:15:16
  something that I had made peace with.
• 1:15:17
  And only since making peace with that do I feel actually at peace
• 1:15:20
  in my life Because I realized that even when things are
• 1:15:23
  twisting and turning and happening and I'm like, whoa,
• 1:15:25
  like, this is not how I've envisioned this happening.
• 1:15:28
  I'm trusting. I'm trusting that there's a
• 1:15:31
  reason it's coming up in the way that it is in the moment that it
• 1:15:34
  is in the timeline that it is. And I have to just surrender to
• 1:15:37
  the fact that this is somehow a piece of something that is to
• 1:15:40
  come. I just can't see it yet.
• 1:15:42
  And so those are some of the 33 lessons that I shared on our
• 1:15:48
  post on Instagram. And so today was a little bit
• 1:15:50
  more, I guess I would say, of a personal episode.
• 1:15:54
  And I had someone share with me. They said I'd really love to,
• 1:15:57
  you know, hear you expand on some of these 33 lessons because
• 1:16:01
  I feel like they are on Instagram much shorter in the
• 1:16:03
  sense of short, punchy, you know, one or two liners.
• 1:16:07
  But they had really asked you, could you share some of your
• 1:16:09
  experiences around how you got these lessons and how did these
• 1:16:11
  takeaways come up for you? And I also want to first of all
• 1:16:15
  note that obviously this year was a very, you know,
• 1:16:16
  relationship centered healing era.
• 1:16:19
  And so because of that, there is a lot of those that are in that
• 1:16:23
  vein, but I also feel like the reason that I wrote them the way
• 1:16:28
  that I did is because I don't really want these to be like my
• 1:16:31
  healing list of this year. I would love this to be
• 1:16:33
  something you can find yourself in and to say, well, how does
• 1:16:36
  that apply to me? So if I take away, you know,
• 1:16:39
  some of the stories or insights that we share today and I just
• 1:16:41
  think about the principle reflecting on these and maybe,
• 1:16:44
  you know, some people have taken these 33 and they've sat with
• 1:16:47
  what this looks like within their life.
• 1:16:49
  And so that could also be something that if you feel
• 1:16:51
  helpful, supportive that you could do.
• 1:16:53
  So we will have the link to the post from Instagram in the show
• 1:16:56
  notes for you so that you can go and check it out.
• 1:16:58
  If you want to go below wherever you're listening or watching and
• 1:17:01
  you want to check that out, you can.
• 1:17:02
  And I also just want to take this as a second as well to just
• 1:17:05
  say thank you for being just an amazing human and spending this
• 1:17:09
  time with me and listening in every single week.
• 1:17:11
  I cannot tell you how much it means to me and to the
• 1:17:14
  incredible women that support this podcast to have you tune in
• 1:17:18
  and listen frequently. And so you guys know who you
• 1:17:21
  are, the OGOG listeners who are listening every single week.
• 1:17:24
  And I also want to say thank you for all of those who've reached
• 1:17:26
  out to me. If you have not reached out to
• 1:17:28
  me, my DMS are open, but I always love to hear from you as
• 1:17:31
  to, you know, maybe, you know, certain episodes that land for
• 1:17:35
  you, certain topics that land for you.
• 1:17:36
  And even today, like if maybe there was a lesson or a take
• 1:17:39
  away or an insight that you feel like I shared that really lands
• 1:17:43
  for you, I would love to hear and just chat with you about
• 1:17:45
  what that is. Because as I said, and I feel
• 1:17:47
  like I, I often will tell you guys that this really does feel
• 1:17:50
  like an echo chamber. I'm like here in my house
• 1:17:52
  recording this podcast and I always love to hear from you.
• 1:17:55
  So if you want right now to take a moment to just slide into my
• 1:17:58
  DMS and say, Hey Kate, I listen to the 33 episode and here's the
• 1:18:02
  take away that I had. It would mean the world to me.
• 1:18:04
  I always love to hear from you. But with all that being said, I
• 1:18:07
  will see you on the next episode.
• 1:18:09
  And, as always, be ambitious.