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047 - Ch 46 - Once and Now · North and South (version 2)

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Speaker 1: Chapter forty six of North and South by Elizabeth Gaskell.
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Speaker 1: This LibriVox recording is in the Public Domean Read by Marianne,
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Speaker 1: chapter forty six. Once and now, so on those happy
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Speaker 1: days of yore, oft as I dare to dwell once more,
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Speaker 1: still must I miss the friend so tried, whom death
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Speaker 1: has severed from my side. But ever, when true friendship
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Speaker 1: binds spirit, it is that spirit finds in spirit. Then
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Speaker 1: our bliss we found in spirit. Yet to them I'm
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Speaker 1: bound Uhland. Margaret was ready long before the appointed time,
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Speaker 1: and had leisure enough to cry a little quietly when unobserved,
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Speaker 1: and to smile brightly when any one looked at her.
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Speaker 1: Her last alarm was lest they should be too late
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Speaker 1: and miss the train. But no, they were all in time,
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Speaker 1: and she breathed freely and happily, at length, seated in
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Speaker 1: the carriage opposite to mister Bell, and whirling away past
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Speaker 1: the well known stations, seeing the old South Country towns
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Speaker 1: and hamlets, sleeping in the warm light of the pure sun,
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Speaker 1: which gave a yet ruddier color to their tiled roofs,
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Speaker 1: so different to the cold slates of the North. Broods
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Speaker 1: of pigeons hovered around these peaked and quaint gables, slowly
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Speaker 1: settling here and there and ruffling their soft shiny feathers
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Speaker 1: as if exposing every fiber to the delicious warmth. There
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Speaker 1: were few people around at the stations. It seemed almost
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Speaker 1: as if they were too lazily content to wish to travel,
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Speaker 1: none of the bustle and stir that Margaret had noticed
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Speaker 1: in her two journeys on the London and Northwestern Line
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Speaker 1: later on in the year. This line of railway should
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Speaker 1: be stirring and alive with rich pleasure seekers, but as
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Speaker 1: to the constant going to and fro of busy tradespeople,
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Speaker 1: it would always be widely different from the northern lines.
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Speaker 1: Here a spectator or two stood lounging at nearly every station,
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Speaker 1: with his hands in his pockets, so absorbed in the
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Speaker 1: simple act of watching that it made the travelers wonder
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Speaker 1: what he could find to do. When the train whirled away,
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Speaker 1: and only the blank of a railway station, some sheds
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Speaker 1: and a distant field or two were left for him
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Speaker 1: to gaze upon. The hot air danced over the golden
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Speaker 1: stillness of the land. Farm after farm was left behind,
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Speaker 1: each reminding Margaret of German idols of Hermann and Dorothea
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Speaker 1: of Evangeline. From this waking dream, she was roused. It
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Speaker 1: was the place to leave the train and take the
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Speaker 1: fly to Helstone. And now sharper feelings came shooting through
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Speaker 1: her heart. Whether pain or pleasure, she could hardly tell.
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Speaker 1: Every mile was redolent of associations which she would not
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Speaker 1: have missed for the world, but each of which made
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Speaker 1: her cry upon the days that are no more, with
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Speaker 1: ineffable longing. The last time she had passed along this
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Speaker 1: road was when she had left it with her father
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Speaker 1: and mother the day. The season had been gloomy and
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Speaker 1: she herself hopeless, but they were there with her. Now
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Speaker 1: she was alone, an orphan, and they strangely had gone
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Speaker 1: away from her and vanished from the face of the earth.
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Speaker 1: It hurt her to see the Helstone Road so flooded
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Speaker 1: in the sunlight, and every turn and every familiar tree
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Speaker 1: so precisely the same in its summer glory as it
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Speaker 1: had been in former years. Nature felt no change, and
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Speaker 1: was ever young. Mister Bell knew something of what would
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Speaker 1: be passing through her mind, and wisely and kindly held
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Speaker 1: his tongue. They drove up to the Lennard arms, half
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Speaker 1: farm house, half inn, standing a little apart from the road,
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Speaker 1: as much as to say that the host did not
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Speaker 1: so depend on the custom of travelers as to have
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Speaker 1: to court it by any obtrusiveness. They rather must seek
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Speaker 1: him out the house front of the village green, and
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Speaker 1: right before it stood an immemorial lime tree, benched all
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Speaker 1: round in some hidden recesses, of whose leafy wealth hung
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Speaker 1: the grim estuon of the Leonards. The door of the
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Speaker 1: inn stood wide open, but there was no hospitable hurry
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Speaker 1: to receive the travelers. When the landlady did appear, and
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Speaker 1: they might have abstracted many an article. First, she gave
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Speaker 1: them a kind welcome, almost as if they had been
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Speaker 1: invited guests, and apologized for her coming having been so delayed,
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Speaker 1: by saying that it was hay time and the provisions
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Speaker 1: for the men had to be sent afield, and she
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Speaker 1: had been too busy packing up the baskets to hear
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Speaker 1: the noise of the wheels over the road, which, since
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Speaker 1: they had left the highway, ran over short soft turf.
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Speaker 1: Why bless me, exclaimed she as at the end of
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Speaker 1: her apology, a glint of sunlight showed her Margaret's face
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Speaker 1: hitherto unobserved in that shady parlor. It's miss Hale, Jenny said,
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Speaker 1: she running to the door and calling to her daughter,
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Speaker 1: come here, come directly. It's miss Hale. And then she
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Speaker 1: went up to Margaret and shook her hands with motherly fondness.
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Speaker 1: And how are you all? How's the vicar? And Miss Dixon?
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Speaker 1: The vicar above all, God bless him. We've never ceased
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Speaker 1: to be sorry that he left. Margaret tried to speak
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Speaker 1: and tell her of her father's death, of her mother's
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Speaker 1: It was evident that missus Purkis was aware from her
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Speaker 1: omission of her name. But she choked in the effort
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Speaker 1: and could only touch her deep mourning and say the
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Speaker 1: one word, Papa. Surely, sir, it's never so, said missus Purkis,
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Speaker 1: turning to mister Bell for confirmation of the sad suspicion
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Speaker 1: that now entered her mind. There was a gentleman here
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Speaker 1: in the spring, it might have been as long ago
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Speaker 1: as last winter, who told us a deal of mister
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Speaker 1: Hale and miss Margaret. And he said missus Hale was gone,
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Speaker 1: poor lady. But never a word of the Vicar's being
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Speaker 1: ailing it is so, however, said mister Bell. He died
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Speaker 1: quite suddenly when on a visit to me at Oxford.
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Speaker 1: He was a good man, missus purkis, and there's many
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Speaker 1: of us that might be thankful to have as calm
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Speaker 1: an end as his. Come Margaret, my dear, Her father
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Speaker 1: was my oldest friend, and she's my god daughter. So
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Speaker 1: I thought we would just come down together and see
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Speaker 1: the old place. I know of old You can give
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Speaker 1: us comfortable rooms and a capital dinner. You don't remember me,
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Speaker 1: I see, but my name is Bell. And once or twice,
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Speaker 1: when the parsonage has been full, I've slept here and
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Speaker 1: tasted your good ale. To be sure, I ask your pardon,
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Speaker 1: But you see I was taken up with miss Hale.
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Speaker 1: Let me show you to a room, miss Margaret, where
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Speaker 1: you can take off your bonnet and wash your face.
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Speaker 1: It's only this very morning I plunged some fresh shcathered
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Speaker 1: rose heads downward in the water jug for thought. I
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Speaker 1: perhaps some one will be coming. And there's nothing so
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Speaker 1: sweet as spring water scented by a musk rose or two.
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Speaker 1: To think of the vicar being dead, well, to be sure,
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Speaker 1: we must all die. Only that gentleman said he was
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Speaker 1: quite picking up after his trouble about missus Hale's death.
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Speaker 1: Come down to me, missus Purkis, after you have attended
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Speaker 1: to Miss Hale, I want to have a consultation with
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Speaker 1: you about dinner. The little casement window in Margaret's bed
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Speaker 1: chamber was almost filled up with rose and vine branches,
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Speaker 1: but pushing them aside and stretching a little out, she
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Speaker 1: could see the tops of the parsonage chimneys above the trees,
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Speaker 1: and distinguish many a well known line through the leaves, Aye,
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Speaker 1: said Missus Purkis, smoothing down the bed and despatching Jenny
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Speaker 1: for an armful of lavender scented towels. Times is changed.
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Speaker 1: Miss our new Vicar has seven children and is building
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Speaker 1: nursery ready for more, just out where the arbor and
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Speaker 1: tool house used to be in old times. And he
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Speaker 1: has had new grates put in and a plate glass
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Speaker 1: window in the drawing room. He and his wife are
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Speaker 1: stirring people and have done a deal of good. At
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Speaker 1: least they say it's doing good. If it were not,
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Speaker 1: I should call it turning things upside down for very
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Speaker 1: little purpose. The new Vicar is a teetotaler. Miss and
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Speaker 1: a magistrate, and his wife has a deal of receipts
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Speaker 1: for economical cooking and is for making bread without yeast.
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Speaker 1: And they both talk so much, and both at a
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Speaker 1: time that they knock one down, as it were, And
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Speaker 1: it's not till they're gone, and one's a little at
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Speaker 1: peace that one can think that there were things one
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Speaker 1: might have said on one's own side of the question.
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Speaker 1: He'll be after the men's cans in a hay field
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Speaker 1: and peeping in, and then there'll be an adeo because
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Speaker 1: it's not ginger beer. But I can't help it. My
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Speaker 1: mother and my grandmother before me sent good malt liquor
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Speaker 1: to haymakers, and took salts and senna when anything ailed them.
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Speaker 1: And I must even go on in their ways. Though,
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Speaker 1: missus Hepworth does want to give me comfits instead of medicine, which,
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Speaker 1: as she says, is a deal pleasanter. Only I've no
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Speaker 1: faith in it. But I must go, miss though I'm
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Speaker 1: wanting to hear many a thing. I'll come back to
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Speaker 1: you before long. Mister Bell had strawberries and cream, a
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Speaker 1: loaf of brown bread, and a jug of milk, together
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Speaker 1: with a stilton cheese and a bottle of port for
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Speaker 1: his own private refreshment, ready for Margaret on her coming downstairs.
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Speaker 1: And after this rustic luncheon, they set out on a walk,
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Speaker 1: hardly knowing in what direction to turn. So many old,
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Speaker 1: familiar inducements were there in each. Shall we go past
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Speaker 1: the vicarage, asked mister Bell. No, not yet. We will
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Speaker 1: go this way and make a round so as to
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Speaker 1: come back by it, replied Margaret. Here and there old
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Speaker 1: trees had been felled the autumn before, or squatters roughly
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Speaker 1: built and decaying cottage had disappeared. Margaret missed them each
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Speaker 1: and all, and grieved over them like old friends. They
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Speaker 1: came past the spot where she and mister Lennox had
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Speaker 1: sketched the white, lightning scarred trunk of the venerable beech
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Speaker 1: among whose roots they had sat down. Was there no more?
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Speaker 1: The old man, the inhabitant of the ruinous cottage, was dead.
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Speaker 1: The cottage had been pulled down, and a new one,
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Speaker 1: tidy and respectable, had been built in its stead. There
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Speaker 1: was a small garden on the place where the beech
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Speaker 1: tree had been. I did not think I had been
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Speaker 1: so old, said Margaret, after a pause of silence, and
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Speaker 1: she turned away, sighing, Yes, said mister Bell. It is
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Speaker 1: the first changes among familiar things that make such a
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Speaker 1: mystery of time to the young. Afterwards we lose the
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Speaker 1: sense of the mysterious. I take changes in all I
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Speaker 1: see as a matter of course. The instability of all
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Speaker 1: human things is familiar to me. To you, it is
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Speaker 1: new and oppressive. Let us go in see little Susan,
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Speaker 1: said Margaret, drawing her companion up a grassy roadway leading
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Speaker 1: under the shadow of a forest glade. With all my heart,
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Speaker 1: though I have not an idea who little Susan may be,
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Speaker 1: but I have a kindness for all Susan's, for simple
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Speaker 1: Susan's sake. My little Susan was disappointed when I left
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Speaker 1: without wishing her good bye, and it has been on
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Speaker 1: my conscience ever since that I gave her pain, which
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Speaker 1: a little more exertion on my part might have prevented.
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Speaker 1: But it is a long way. Are you sure you
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Speaker 1: will not be tired? Quite sure? That is, if you
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Speaker 1: don't walk so fast. You see here there are no
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Speaker 1: views that can give one an excuse for stopping to
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Speaker 1: take breath. You would think it romantic to be walking
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Speaker 1: with a person fat and scant of breath. If I
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Speaker 1: were Hamlet, Prince of Denmark, have compassion on my infirmities
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Speaker 1: for his sake, I will walk slower for your own sake.
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Speaker 1: I like you twenty times better than Hamlet on the
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Speaker 1: principle that a living ass is better than a dead life.
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Speaker 1: Perhaps so I don't analyze my feelings. I am content
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Speaker 1: with your liking me without examining too curiously into the
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Speaker 1: materials it is made of. Only we need not walk
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Speaker 1: at a snail's pace. Very well, walk at your own pace,
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Speaker 1: and I will follow or stop and meditate like the
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Speaker 1: Hamlet you compare yourself to. If I go too fast,
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Speaker 1: thank you. But as my mother has not murdered my
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Speaker 1: father and afterwards married my uncle, I shouldn't know what
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Speaker 1: to think about unless it were balancing the chances of
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Speaker 1: our having a well cooked dinner or not. What do
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Speaker 1: you think I am? In good hopes? She used to
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Speaker 1: be considered a famous cook as far as Helstone opinion went.
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Speaker 1: But have you considered the distraction of mind produced by
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Speaker 1: all this haymaking? Margaret felt all mister Bell's kindness in
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Speaker 1: trying to make cheerful talk about nothing to endeavor to
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Speaker 1: prevent her from thinking too curiously about the past. But
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Speaker 1: she would rather have gone over those dear loved works
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Speaker 1: in silence, if indeed she were not ungrateful enough to
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Speaker 1: wish that she might have been alone. They reached the
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Speaker 1: cottage where Susan's widowed mother lived. Susan was not there.
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Speaker 1: She was gone to the parochial school. Margaret was disappointed,
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Speaker 1: and the poor woman saw it and began to make
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Speaker 1: a kind of apology. Oh it is quite right, said Margaret.
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Speaker 1: I am very glad to hear it. I might have
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Speaker 1: thought of it. Only she used to stop at home
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Speaker 1: with you. Yes, she did, and I miss her sadly.
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Speaker 1: I used to teach her what little I knew at nights.
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Speaker 1: It were not much, to be sure, But she were
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Speaker 1: getting such a handy girl that I miss her sore.
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Speaker 1: But she's a deal above me in learning now. And
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Speaker 1: the mother sighed, I'm all wrong, growled mister Bell. Don't
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Speaker 1: mind what I say. I'm a hundred years behind the world.
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Speaker 1: But I should say that the child was getting a
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Speaker 1: better and simpler and more natural education, stopping at home
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Speaker 1: and helping her mother, and learning to read a chapter
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Speaker 1: in the New Testament every night by her side than
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Speaker 1: from all the schooling under the sun. Margaret did not
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Speaker 1: want to encourage him to go on by replying to
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Speaker 1: him and so prolonging the discussion before the mother, So
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Speaker 1: she turned to her and asked, how is old Betty Barnes?
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Speaker 1: I don't know, said the woman rather shortly. We's not friends.
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Speaker 1: Why not, asked Margaret, who had formerly been the peacemaker
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Speaker 1: in the village. She stole my cat? Did she know
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Speaker 1: it was yours? I don't know, I reckon not well?
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Speaker 1: Could you not get it back again when you told
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Speaker 1: her it was yours? No, for she'd burnt it. Burnt it,
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Speaker 1: exclaimed both Margaret and mister Bell roasted it, explained the woman.
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Speaker 1: It was no explanation. By dint of questioning, Margaret extracted
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Speaker 1: from her the horrible fact that Betty Barnes, having been
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Speaker 1: induced by a gipsy fortune teller to lend the latter
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Speaker 1: her husband's Sunday clothes on promise of having them faithfully
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Speaker 1: returned on the Saturday night before Goodman Barnes should have
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Speaker 1: missed them, became alarmed at their non appearance and her
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Speaker 1: consequent dread of her husband's anger, and as according to
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Speaker 1: one of these savage country, superstitions, the cries of a
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Speaker 1: cat in the agonies of being boiled or roasted alive,
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Speaker 1: compelled as it were, the powers of darkness to fulfill
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Speaker 1: the wishes of the executioner. Resort had been had to
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Speaker 1: the charm. The poor woman evidently believed in its efficacy.
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Speaker 1: Her only feeling was indignation that her cat had been
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Speaker 1: chosen out from all others for a sacrifice. Margaret listened
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Speaker 1: in horror and endeavored in vain to enlighten the woman's mind,
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Speaker 1: but she was obliged to give it up in despair.
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Speaker 1: Step by step she got the woman to admit certain
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Speaker 1: facts of which the logical connection and sequence was perfectly
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Speaker 1: clear to Margaret. But at the end the bewildered woman
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Speaker 1: simply repeated her first assertion, namely that it were very cruel,
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Speaker 1: for sure, and she should not like to do it,
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Speaker 1: but that there was nothing like it for giving a
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Speaker 1: person what they wished for. She had heard it all
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Speaker 1: her life, but it were very cruel. For all that,
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Speaker 1: Margaret gave it up in despair and walked away, sick
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Speaker 1: at heart. You are a good girl, not to triumph
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Speaker 1: over me, said mister Bell. How what do you mean,
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Speaker 1: I own I am wrong about schooling anything, rather than
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Speaker 1: have that child brought up in such practical paganism. Oh,
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Speaker 1: I remember poor little Susan. I must go and see her.
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Speaker 1: Would you mind calling at the school? Not a bit.
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Speaker 1: I am curious to see something of the teaching she
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Speaker 1: is to receive. They did not speak much more, but
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Speaker 1: thridded their way through many a bosky dell, whose soft
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Speaker 1: green influence could not charm away the shock and the
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Speaker 1: pain in Margaret's heart caused by the recital of such cruelty,
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Speaker 1: A recital too, the manner of which betrayed such utter
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Speaker 1: want of imagination and therefore of any sympathy with the
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Speaker 1: suffering animal. The buzz of voices, like the murmur of
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Speaker 1: a hive of busy human bees, made itself heard as
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Speaker 1: soon as they emerged from the forest. On the more
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Speaker 1: open village green on which the school was situated. The
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Speaker 1: door was wide open, and they entered. A brisk lady
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Speaker 1: in black here there and everywhere perceived them and bade
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Speaker 1: them welcome, with somewhat of the hostess air which Margaret
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Speaker 1: remembered her mother was wont to assume, only in a
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Speaker 1: more soft and languid manner. When any rare visitors strayed
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Speaker 1: in to inspect the school, she knew at once it
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Speaker 1: was the present vicar's wife, her mother's successor, and she
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Speaker 1: would have drawn back from the interview had it been possible.
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Speaker 1: But in an instant she had conquered this feeling and
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Speaker 1: modestly advanced, meeting many a bright glance of recognition, and
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Speaker 1: hearing many a half suppressed murmur of it's miss Hale.
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Speaker 1: The vicar's lady heard the name, and her manner at
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Speaker 1: once became more kindly. Margaret wished she could have helped,
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Speaker 1: feeling that it also became more patronizing. The lady held
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Speaker 1: out a hand to mister Bell, with your father, I
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Speaker 1: presume miss Hale, I see it by the likeness. I
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Speaker 1: am sure. I am very glad to see you, sir,
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Speaker 1: and so will the vicar be. Margaret explained that it
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Speaker 1: was not her father, and stammered out the fact of
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Speaker 1: his death, wondering all the time how mister Hale could
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Speaker 1: have borne coming to revisit Helstone if it had been
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Speaker 1: as the vicar's lady supposed. She did not hear what
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Speaker 1: missus Hepworth was saying, and left it to mister Bell
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Speaker 1: to reply, looking round meanwhile for her old acquaintances. Ah,
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Speaker 1: I see you would like to take class, Miss Hale.
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Speaker 1: I know it by myself. First Class stand up for
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Speaker 1: a parsing lesson with Miss Hale. Poor Margaret, whose visit
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Speaker 1: was sentimental, not in any degree inspective, felt herself taken in,
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Speaker 1: but as in some way bringing her in contact with
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Speaker 1: little eager faces once well known, and who had received
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Speaker 1: the solemn rite of baptism from her father. She sat down,
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Speaker 1: half losing herself in tracing out the changing features of
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Speaker 1: the girls, and holding Susan's hand for a minute or two,
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Speaker 1: unobserved by all, while the first class sought for their books,
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Speaker 1: and the vicar's lady went as near as a lady
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Speaker 1: could towards, holding mister Bell by the button while she
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Speaker 1: explained the phonetic system to him and gave him a
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Speaker 1: conversation she had had with the inspector about it. Margaret
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Speaker 1: bent over her book, and seeing nothing but that, hearing
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Speaker 1: the buzz of children's voices, old times rose up, and
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Speaker 1: she thought of them, and her eyes filled with tears,
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Speaker 1: till all at once there was a pause. One of
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Speaker 1: the girls was stumbling over the apparently simple word ay.
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Speaker 1: Uncertain what to call it? A an indefinite article, said
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Speaker 1: Margaret mildly. I beg your pardon, said the vicar wife.
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Speaker 1: All eyes and ears, but we are taught by mister
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Speaker 1: Milsom to call a and who can remember an adjitive absolute?
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Speaker 1: Said half a dozen voices at once, and Margaret sat abashed.
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Speaker 1: The children knew more than she did. Mister Bell turned
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Speaker 1: away and smiled. Margaret spoke no more during the lesson,
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Speaker 1: but after it was over she went quietly round to
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Speaker 1: one or two old favorites and talked to them a little.
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Speaker 1: They were growing out of children into great girls, passing
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Speaker 1: out of her recollection in their rapid development, as she,
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Speaker 1: by her three years absence, was vanishing from theirs. Still,
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Speaker 1: she was glad to have seen them all again, though
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Speaker 1: a tinge of sadness mixed itself with her pleasure. When
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Speaker 1: school was over for the day, it was yet early
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Speaker 1: in the summer afternoon, and missus Hepworth proposed to Margaret
20:53
Speaker 1: that she and mister Bell should accompany her to the
20:55
Speaker 1: parsonage and see the The word improvements had half slipped
21:00
Speaker 1: out of her mouth, but she substituted the more cautious
21:02
Speaker 1: term alterations which the present vicar was making. Margaret did
21:07
Speaker 1: not care a straw about seeing the alterations which jarred
21:11
Speaker 1: upon her fond recollection of what her home had been.
21:14
Speaker 1: But she longed to see the old place once more,
21:17
Speaker 1: even though she shivered away from the pain which she
21:19
Speaker 1: knew she would feel. The parsonage was so altered, both
21:24
Speaker 1: inside and out, that the real pain was less than
21:27
Speaker 1: she had anticipated. It was not like the same place.
21:31
Speaker 1: The garden, the grass plat, formerly so daintily trim that
21:35
Speaker 1: even a stray rose leaf seemed like a fleck on
21:38
Speaker 1: its exquisite arrangement and propriety, was strewed with children's things.
21:43
Speaker 1: A bag of marbles here, a hoop there, a straw
21:47
Speaker 1: hat forced down upon a rose tree as on a peg,
21:50
Speaker 1: to the destruction of a long, beautiful, tender branch, laden
21:53
Speaker 1: with flowers, which in former days would have been trained
21:56
Speaker 1: up tenderly as if beloved. The little square, matted hall
22:01
Speaker 1: was equally filled with signs of merry, healthy, rough childhood.
22:06
Speaker 1: Ah said missus Hepworth. You must excuse this untidiness, miss Hale.
22:10
Speaker 1: When the nursery is finished, I shall insist upon a
22:13
Speaker 1: little order. We are building a nursery out of your room.
22:16
Speaker 1: I believe how did you manage miss Hale without a nursery?
22:21
Speaker 1: We were but two, said Margaret, you have many children,
22:25
Speaker 1: I presume seven. Look here we are throwing out a
22:29
Speaker 1: window to the road on this side. Mister Hepworth is
22:32
Speaker 1: spending an immense deal of money on this house, but
22:34
Speaker 1: really it was scarcely habitable when we came for so
22:38
Speaker 1: large a family as ours. I mean, of course, every
22:41
Speaker 1: room in the house was changed, besides the one of
22:44
Speaker 1: which Missus Hepworth spoke, which had been mister Hale's study formerly,
22:48
Speaker 1: and where the green gloom and delicious quiet of the
22:51
Speaker 1: place had conduced, as he had said, to a habit
22:54
Speaker 1: of meditation, but perhaps in some degree, to the formation
22:59
Speaker 1: of a character more fitted for thought than action. The
23:03
Speaker 1: new window gave a view of the road and had
23:05
Speaker 1: many advantages, as Missus Hepworth pointed out, from it, the
23:09
Speaker 1: wandering sheep of her husband's flock might be seen, who
23:13
Speaker 1: straggled to the tempting beer house, unobserved, as they might hope,
23:17
Speaker 1: but not unobserved in reality, for the active vicar kept
23:20
Speaker 1: his eye on the road even during the composition of
23:23
Speaker 1: his most orthodox sermons, and had a hat and stick
23:27
Speaker 1: hanging ready at hand to seize before sallying out after
23:30
Speaker 1: his parishioners who had need of quick legs if they
23:33
Speaker 1: could take refuge in the jolly forester before the teetotal
23:37
Speaker 1: vicar had arrested them. The whole family were quick, brisk,
23:41
Speaker 1: loud talking, kind hearted, and not troubled with much delicacy
23:45
Speaker 1: of perception. Margaret feared that missus Hepworth would find out
23:49
Speaker 1: that mister Bell was playing upon her in the admiration
23:52
Speaker 1: he thought fit to express for everything that especially grated
23:55
Speaker 1: on his taste. But no, she took it all literally
24:00
Speaker 1: and with such good faith that Margaret could not help
24:02
Speaker 1: remonstrating with him as they walked slowly away from the
24:05
Speaker 1: parsonage back to their inn. Don't scold, Margaret, it was
24:10
Speaker 1: all because of you. If she had not shown you
24:13
Speaker 1: every change with such evident exultation in their superior sense
24:17
Speaker 1: in perceiving what an improvement this and that would be.
24:20
Speaker 1: I could have behaved well. But if you must go
24:23
Speaker 1: on preaching, keep it till after dinner, when it will
24:26
Speaker 1: send me to sleep and help my digestion. They were
24:30
Speaker 1: both of them tired, and Margaret herself so much so
24:33
Speaker 1: that she was unwilling to go out as she had
24:35
Speaker 1: proposed to do and have another ramble among the woods
24:38
Speaker 1: and fields, so close to the home of her childhood.
24:41
Speaker 1: And somehow this visit to Helstone had not been all
24:46
Speaker 1: had not been exactly what she had expected. There was
24:49
Speaker 1: change everywhere, slight yet pervading. All households were changed by
24:55
Speaker 1: absence or death, or marriage, or the natural mutations brought
24:59
Speaker 1: by days and months and years which carry us on
25:03
Speaker 1: imperceptibly from childhood to youth, and thence through manhood to age.
25:08
Speaker 1: Whence we drop, like fruit fully ripe into the quiet
25:11
Speaker 1: mother earth. Places were changed. A tree gone here, a
25:16
Speaker 1: bough there, bringing in a long ray of light where
25:19
Speaker 1: no light was before. A road was trimmed and narrowed,
25:23
Speaker 1: and the green straggling pathway by its side enclosed and cultivated.
25:28
Speaker 1: A great improvement, it was called. But Margaret sighed over
25:31
Speaker 1: the old picturesqueness, the old gloom, and the grassy wayside
25:35
Speaker 1: of former days. She sat by the window on the
25:39
Speaker 1: little settle, sadly gazing out upon the gathering shades of night,
25:43
Speaker 1: which harmonized well with her pensive thought. Mister Bell slept
25:48
Speaker 1: soundly after his unusual exercise through the day. At last
25:52
Speaker 1: he was roused by the entrance of the tea tray,
25:54
Speaker 1: brought in by a flushed looking country girl who had
25:57
Speaker 1: evidently been finding some variety her usual occupation of waiter
26:02
Speaker 1: in assisting this day in the hay field. HALLO, who's there?
26:07
Speaker 1: Where are we? Who's that Margaret? Oh? Now I remember all.
26:13
Speaker 1: I could not imagine what a woman was sitting there
26:15
Speaker 1: in such a doleful attitude, with her hands clasped straight
26:19
Speaker 1: out upon her knees, and her face looking so steadfastly
26:22
Speaker 1: before her. What were you looking at? Asked mister Bell,
26:26
Speaker 1: coming to the window and standing behind Margaret. Nothing, she said,
26:31
Speaker 1: rising up quickly and speaking as cheerfully as she could
26:34
Speaker 1: at a moment's notice. Nothing indeed, a bleak background of trees,
26:40
Speaker 1: some white linen hung out on the sweet briar hedge,
26:43
Speaker 1: and a great waft of damp air. Shut the window
26:47
Speaker 1: and come in and make tea. Margaret was silent for
26:50
Speaker 1: some time. She played with her teaspoon and did not
26:53
Speaker 1: attend particularly to what mister Bell said. He contradicted her
26:57
Speaker 1: and she took the same sort of smiling notice of
27:00
Speaker 1: his opinion as if he had agreed with her. Then
27:03
Speaker 1: she sighed, and putting down her spoon, she began apropos
27:07
Speaker 1: of nothing at all, and in the high pitched voice
27:09
Speaker 1: which usually shows that the speaker has been thinking for
27:12
Speaker 1: some time on the subject that they wished to introduce.
27:16
Speaker 1: Mister Bell, you remember what we were saying about Frederick
27:20
Speaker 1: last night, don't you last night? Where was I? Oh?
27:26
Speaker 1: I remember why? It seems a week ago. Yes, to
27:30
Speaker 1: be sure, I recollect. We talked about him, poor fellow. Yes,
27:36
Speaker 1: And do you not remember that mister Lennox spoke about
27:38
Speaker 1: his having been in England about the time of dear
27:41
Speaker 1: Mamma's death, asked Margaret, her voice now lower than usual.
27:46
Speaker 1: I recollect. I hadn't heard of it before, and I
27:50
Speaker 1: thought I always thought that Papa had told you about it. No,
27:55
Speaker 1: he never did. But what about it, Margaret? I want
28:00
Speaker 1: to tell you of something I did that was very
28:02
Speaker 1: wrong about that time, said Margaret, suddenly looking up at
28:06
Speaker 1: him with her clear, honest eyes. I told a lie,
28:11
Speaker 1: and her face became scarlet. True, that was bad, I
28:15
Speaker 1: own not. But what I have told a pretty round
28:18
Speaker 1: number in my life, not all in downright words, as
28:21
Speaker 1: I suppose you did, but in actions or in some
28:25
Speaker 1: circumlocutory way, leading people either to disbelieve the truth or
28:30
Speaker 1: believe a falsehood. You know who is the father of lies, Margaret? Well,
28:35
Speaker 1: A great number of folk, thinking themselves very good, have
28:39
Speaker 1: odd sorts of connection with lies, left hand marriages and
28:43
Speaker 1: second cousins. Once removed, the tainting blood of falsehood runs
28:47
Speaker 1: through us all. I should have guessed you as far
28:50
Speaker 1: from it as most people. What crying child, Nay, now,
28:56
Speaker 1: we'll not talk of it. If it ends in this way,
28:59
Speaker 1: I I dare say you have been sorry for it,
29:02
Speaker 1: and that you won't do it again. And it's long
29:04
Speaker 1: ago now, And in short, I want you to be
29:07
Speaker 1: very cheerful and not very sad this evening. Margaret wiped
29:13
Speaker 1: her eyes and tried to talk about something else, but
29:16
Speaker 1: suddenly she burst out afresh. Please, mister Bell, let me
29:20
Speaker 1: tell you about it. You could perhaps help me a little, No,
29:26
Speaker 1: not help me, but if you knew the truth, perhaps
29:30
Speaker 1: you could put me to rights. That is not it,
29:33
Speaker 1: after all, said she, in despair at not being able
29:36
Speaker 1: to express herself more exactly as she wished mister Bell's
29:41
Speaker 1: whole manner changed. Tell me all about it, child said he.
29:47
Speaker 1: It's a long story. But when Fred came, Mamma was
29:50
Speaker 1: very ill, and I was undone with anxiety, and afraid
29:54
Speaker 1: too that I might have drawn him into danger. And
29:58
Speaker 1: we had an alarm just after her death, for Dixon
30:01
Speaker 1: met some one in Milton, a man called Leonards, who
30:04
Speaker 1: had known Fred and who seemed to owe him a
30:07
Speaker 1: grudge or at any rate to be tempted by the
30:09
Speaker 1: recollection of the reward offered for his apprehension. And with
30:13
Speaker 1: this new fright, I thought I had better hurry off
30:16
Speaker 1: Fred to London, where as he would understand from what
30:19
Speaker 1: we said the other night, he was to go to
30:21
Speaker 1: consult mister Lennox as to his chances if he stood
30:24
Speaker 1: the trial. So we, that is, he and I went
30:29
Speaker 1: to the railway station. It was one evening and it
30:33
Speaker 1: was just getting rather dusk, but still light enough to
30:35
Speaker 1: recognize and be recognized. And we were too early, and
30:40
Speaker 1: we went out to walk in a field just close by.
30:43
Speaker 1: I was always in a panic about this Leonards, who
30:46
Speaker 1: was I knew somewhere in the neighborhood. And then when
30:50
Speaker 1: we were in the field, the low red sunlight just
30:53
Speaker 1: in my face. Some one came by on horseback in
30:56
Speaker 1: the road just below the field style by which we stood.
31:00
Speaker 1: I saw him look at me, but I did not
31:02
Speaker 1: know who it was. At first the sun was in
31:05
Speaker 1: my eyes. But in an instant the dazzle went off,
31:09
Speaker 1: and I saw it was mister Thornton, and we bowed,
31:13
Speaker 1: and he saw Frederick, of course, said mister Bell, helping
31:17
Speaker 1: her on with her story. As he thought, yes. And
31:22
Speaker 1: then at the station a man came up, tipsy and reeling,
31:25
Speaker 1: and he tried to collar Fred and overbalanced himself as
31:29
Speaker 1: Fred wrenched himself away and fell over the edge of
31:32
Speaker 1: the platform, not far, not deep, not above three feet.
31:38
Speaker 1: But oh, mister Bell, somehow that fall killed him. How
31:43
Speaker 1: awkward it was, this Leonards, I suppose. And how did
31:48
Speaker 1: Fred get off? Oh? He went off immediately after the fall,
31:52
Speaker 1: which we never thought could have done the poor fellow
31:55
Speaker 1: any harm. It seemed so slight an injury. Then he
31:59
Speaker 1: did not die directly, no, not for two or three days.
32:04
Speaker 1: And then, oh, mister Bell, now comes the bad part,
32:10
Speaker 1: said she, nervously, twining her fingers together. A police inspector
32:16
Speaker 1: came and taxed me with having been the companion of
32:18
Speaker 1: the young man whose push or blow had occasioned Leonard's death.
32:23
Speaker 1: That was a false accusation, you know. But we had
32:26
Speaker 1: not heard that fred had sailed. He might still be
32:29
Speaker 1: in London and liable to be arrested on this false charge,
32:33
Speaker 1: and his identity with the Lieutenant Hale accused of causing
32:36
Speaker 1: that mutiny discovered, he might be shot. All this flashed
32:41
Speaker 1: through my mind, and I said it was not me.
32:44
Speaker 1: I was not at the railway station that night. I
32:46
Speaker 1: knew nothing about it. I had no conscience or thought
32:50
Speaker 1: but to save Frederick. I say it was right. I
32:54
Speaker 1: should have done the same thing. You forgot yourself in
32:58
Speaker 1: thought for another. I hope I should have done the same. No,
33:04
Speaker 1: he would not. It was wrong, disobedient, faithless. At that
33:10
Speaker 1: very time, fred was safely out of England, and in
33:13
Speaker 1: my blindness I forgot that there was another witness who
33:15
Speaker 1: could testify to my being there. Who mister Thornton. You know,
33:22
Speaker 1: he had seen me close to the station, we had
33:25
Speaker 1: bowed to each other. Well, he would know nothing of
33:29
Speaker 1: this riot about the drunken fellow's death. I suppose the
33:32
Speaker 1: inquiry never came to anything. No, the proceedings they had
33:37
Speaker 1: begun to talk about on the inquest were stopped. Mister
33:41
Speaker 1: Thornton did know all about it. He was a magistrate,
33:45
Speaker 1: and he found out that it was not the fall
33:47
Speaker 1: that caused the death, but not before he knew what
33:50
Speaker 1: I had said. Oh, mister Bell, She suddenly covered her
33:55
Speaker 1: face with her hands, as if wishing to hide herself
33:58
Speaker 1: from the presence of the recollection. Did you have any
34:02
Speaker 1: explanation with him? Did you ever tell him the strong
34:06
Speaker 1: instinctive motive, the instinctive want of faith and clutching at
34:12
Speaker 1: a sin to keep myself from sinking? She said bitterly, No,
34:17
Speaker 1: How could I He knew nothing of Frederick to put
34:22
Speaker 1: myself to rights in his good opinion? Was I to
34:24
Speaker 1: tell him of the secrets of our family, involving, as
34:28
Speaker 1: they seemed to do, the chances of poor Frederick's entire exculpation.
34:33
Speaker 1: Fred's last words had been to enjoin me to keep
34:36
Speaker 1: his visit a secret from all. You see, Papa never
34:40
Speaker 1: told even you. No I could bear the shame. I
34:46
Speaker 1: thought I could. At least I did bear it. Mister
34:50
Speaker 1: Thornton has never respected me since he respects you. I
34:56
Speaker 1: am sure, said mister Bell. To be sure, or it
35:00
Speaker 1: accounts a little for but he always speaks of you
35:05
Speaker 1: with regard and esteem, though now I understand certain reservations
35:09
Speaker 1: in his manner. Margaret did not speak, did not attend
35:14
Speaker 1: to what mister Bell went on to say, lost all
35:17
Speaker 1: sense of it. By and by she said, will you
35:21
Speaker 1: tell me what you refer to about reservations in his
35:25
Speaker 1: manner of speaking of me? Oh, simply, he has annoyed
35:30
Speaker 1: me by not joining in my praises of you. Like
35:33
Speaker 1: an old fool. I thought that every one would have
35:36
Speaker 1: the same opinions as I had, and he evidently could
35:39
Speaker 1: not agree with me. I was puzzled at the time.
35:42
Speaker 1: But he must be perplexed if the affair has never
35:45
Speaker 1: been in the least explained. There was first your walking
35:48
Speaker 1: out with a young man in the dark, But it
35:51
Speaker 1: was my brother, said Margaret, surprised. True, But how was
35:56
Speaker 1: he to know that? I don't know. I never thought
36:01
Speaker 1: of anything of that kind, said Margaret, reddening and looking
36:04
Speaker 1: hurt and offended. And perhaps he never would. But for
36:09
Speaker 1: the lie, which under the circumstances I maintain was necessary,
36:15
Speaker 1: it was not. I know it now, I bitterly repent it.
36:22
Speaker 1: There was a long pause of silence. Margaret was the
36:25
Speaker 1: first to speak, I am not likely ever to see
36:29
Speaker 1: mister Thornton again, and there she stopped. There are many
36:34
Speaker 1: things more unlikely, I should say, replied mister Bell, but
36:39
Speaker 1: I believe I never shall. Still, somehow, one does not
36:43
Speaker 1: like to have sunk so low in in a friend's
36:47
Speaker 1: opinion as I have done in his. Her eyes were
36:50
Speaker 1: full of tears, but her voice was steady, and mister
36:54
Speaker 1: Bell was not looking at her. And now that Frederick
36:57
Speaker 1: has given up all hope and almost all wish of
37:00
Speaker 1: ever clearing himself and returning to England, it would only
37:04
Speaker 1: be doing myself justice to have all this explained. If
37:08
Speaker 1: you please, and if you can, if there is a
37:12
Speaker 1: good opportunity, don't force an explanation upon him, pray, But
37:17
Speaker 1: if you can, will you tell him the whole circumstances,
37:21
Speaker 1: and tell him also that I gave you leave to
37:23
Speaker 1: do so, because I felt that for Papa's sake, I
37:26
Speaker 1: should not like to lose his respect. Though we may
37:29
Speaker 1: never be likely to meet again, certainly I think he
37:34
Speaker 1: ought to know. I do not like you to rest,
37:37
Speaker 1: even under the shadow of an impropriety he would not
37:41
Speaker 1: know what to think of seeing you alone with the
37:43
Speaker 1: young man. As for that, said Margaret, rather haughtily. I
37:49
Speaker 1: hold it is honi, soit QUI mal y pense. Yet
37:54
Speaker 1: I should choose to have it explained if any natural
37:56
Speaker 1: opportunity for easy explanation occurs. But it is not to
38:01
Speaker 1: clear myself of any suspicion of improper conduct that I
38:04
Speaker 1: wished to have him told. If I thought that he
38:07
Speaker 1: had suspected me, I should not care for his good opinion. No,
38:12
Speaker 1: it is that he may learn how I was tempted
38:15
Speaker 1: and how I fell into the snare why I told
38:18
Speaker 1: that falsehood In short, which I don't blame you for
38:24
Speaker 1: it is no partiality of mine. I assure you what
38:28
Speaker 1: other people think of the rightness or wrongness is nothing
38:31
Speaker 1: in comparison to my own deep knowledge, my innate conviction
38:35
Speaker 1: that it was wrong. But we will not talk of
38:39
Speaker 1: it any more, if you please, It is done. My
38:43
Speaker 1: sin is sinned. I have now to put it behind
38:47
Speaker 1: me and be truthful evermore if I can very well.
38:53
Speaker 1: If you like to be comfortable and morbid, be so.
38:56
Speaker 1: I always keep my conscience as tight, shut up as
38:59
Speaker 1: a jack in the box. For when it jumps into existence,
39:02
Speaker 1: it surprises me by its size. So I coax it
39:05
Speaker 1: down again, as the fisherman coaxed the genie. Wonderful, say
39:09
Speaker 1: I to think that you have been concealed so long
39:12
Speaker 1: and in so small a compass, that I really did
39:14
Speaker 1: not know of your existence. Pray, sir, instead of growing
39:19
Speaker 1: larger and larger every instant and bewildering me with your
39:22
Speaker 1: misty outlines, would you once more compress yourself into your
39:26
Speaker 1: former dimensions. And when I've got him down, don't I
39:29
Speaker 1: clap the seal on the vase and take good care
39:32
Speaker 1: how I open it again? And how I go against
39:35
Speaker 1: Solomon wisest of men who confined him there. But it
39:40
Speaker 1: was no smiling matter to Margaret. She hardly attended to
39:43
Speaker 1: what mister Bell was saying. Her thoughts ran upon the
39:46
Speaker 1: idea before entertained, but which now had assumed the strength
39:50
Speaker 1: of a conviction that mister Thornton no longer held his
39:53
Speaker 1: former good opinion of her, that he was disappointed in her.
39:58
Speaker 1: She did not feel as if any excit the nation
40:00
Speaker 1: could ever reinstate her, not in his love. For that
40:04
Speaker 1: and any return on her part, she had resolved never
40:07
Speaker 1: to dwell upon, and she kept rigidly to her resolution,
40:11
Speaker 1: but in the respect and high regard which she had
40:14
Speaker 1: hoped would have ever made him willing, in the spirit
40:17
Speaker 1: of Gerald Griffin's beautiful lines, to turn and look back
40:21
Speaker 1: when thou hearest the sound of my name. She kept
40:25
Speaker 1: choking and swallowing all the time that she thought about it.
40:29
Speaker 1: She tried to comfort herself with the idea that what
40:32
Speaker 1: he imagined her to be did not alter the fact
40:34
Speaker 1: of what she was. But it was a truism, a phantom,
40:39
Speaker 1: and broke down under the weight of her regret. She
40:43
Speaker 1: had twenty questions on the tip of her tongue to
40:45
Speaker 1: ask mister Bell, but not one of them did she utter.
40:49
Speaker 1: Mister Bell thought that she was tired, and sent her
40:51
Speaker 1: early to her room, where she sat long hours by
40:54
Speaker 1: the open window, gazing out on the purple dome above,
40:58
Speaker 1: where the stars arose and twinkled and disappeared behind the
41:02
Speaker 1: great umbrageous trees. Before she went to bed. All night long, too,
41:08
Speaker 1: there burnt a little light on earth, a candle in
41:11
Speaker 1: her old bedroom, which was the nursery with the present
41:14
Speaker 1: inhabitants of the parsonage until the new one was built
41:19
Speaker 1: a sense of change, of individual nothingness, of perplexity and
41:23
Speaker 1: disappointment overpowered Margaret. Nothing had been the same, and this slight,
41:31
Speaker 1: all pervading instability had given her greater pain than if
41:35
Speaker 1: all had been too entirely changed for her to recognize it.
41:39
Speaker 1: I begin to understand now what heaven must be. And
41:43
Speaker 1: Oh the grandeur and repose of the words the same,
41:48
Speaker 1: yesterday to day and for ever everlasting, from everlasting to everlasting.
41:57
Speaker 1: Thou art, God, that's iye above me looks as though
42:01
Speaker 1: it could not change, and yet it will. I am
42:06
Speaker 1: so tired, so tired of being whirled on through all
42:10
Speaker 1: these phases of my life, in which nothing abides by me,
42:15
Speaker 1: no creature, no place. It is like the circle in
42:20
Speaker 1: which the victims of earthly passion eddy continually. I am
42:25
Speaker 1: in the mood in which women of another religion take
42:27
Speaker 1: the veil. I seek heavenly steadfastness in earthly monotony. If
42:34
Speaker 1: I were a Roman Catholic and could deaden my heart
42:37
Speaker 1: stun it with some great blow, I might become a nun.
42:42
Speaker 1: But I should pine after my kind. No, not my kind,
42:48
Speaker 1: for love for my species could never fill my heart
42:50
Speaker 1: to the utter exclusion of love for individuals. Perhaps it
42:54
Speaker 1: ought to be so, perhaps not. I cannot decide to night. Wearily,
43:02
Speaker 1: she went to bed. Wearily. She arose in four or
43:05
Speaker 1: five hours time. But with the morning came hope and
43:08
Speaker 1: a brighter view of things. After all, it is right,
43:13
Speaker 1: said she, hearing the voices of children at play while
43:15
Speaker 1: she was dressing. If the world stood still, it would
43:19
Speaker 1: retrograde and become corrupt. If that is not irish. Looking
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Speaker 1: out of myself and my own painful sense of change,
43:28
Speaker 1: the progress all around me is right and necessary. I
43:32
Speaker 1: must not think so much of how circumstances affect me myself,
43:35
Speaker 1: but how they affect others. If I wished to have
43:38
Speaker 1: a right judgment or a hopeful, trustful heart. And with
43:43
Speaker 1: a smile ready in her eyes to quiver down to
43:45
Speaker 1: her lips, she went to the parlor and greeted mister
43:48
Speaker 1: bell Ah, missy, you were up late last night, and
43:53
Speaker 1: so you're late this morning. Now I've got a little
43:56
Speaker 1: piece of news for you. What do you think of
43:59
Speaker 1: an invitation to dinner? A morning call, literally in the
44:03
Speaker 1: dewy morning. Why I've had the vicar here already on
44:07
Speaker 1: his way to the school. How much the desire of
44:10
Speaker 1: giving our hostess a teetotal lecture for the benefit of
44:13
Speaker 1: the haymakers had to do with his earliness. I don't know,
44:16
Speaker 1: but here he was when I came down just before nine,
44:20
Speaker 1: and we are asked to dine there to day. But
44:23
Speaker 1: Edith expects me back. I cannot go, said Margaret, thankful
44:28
Speaker 1: to have so good an excuse. Yes, I know, so
44:32
Speaker 1: I told him. I thought you would not want to go.
44:35
Speaker 1: Still it is open if you would like it. Oh no,
44:39
Speaker 1: said Margaret. Let us keep to our plan. Let us
44:43
Speaker 1: start at twelve. It is very good and kind of them.
44:46
Speaker 1: But indeed I could not go. Very well, don't fidget
44:51
Speaker 1: yourself and I'll arrange it all. Before they left, Margaret
44:56
Speaker 1: stole round to the back of the vicarage garden and
44:58
Speaker 1: gathered a little straggling peace of honeysuckle. She would not
45:02
Speaker 1: take a flower the day before for fear of being observed,
45:05
Speaker 1: and her motives and feelings commented upon. But as she
45:09
Speaker 1: returned across the common, the place was reinvested with the
45:12
Speaker 1: old enchanting atmosphere. The common sounds of life were more
45:16
Speaker 1: musical there than anywhere else in the whole world. The
45:19
Speaker 1: light more golden, the life more tranquil and full of
45:23
Speaker 1: dreamy delight. As Margaret remembered her feelings yesterday, she said
45:28
Speaker 1: to herself, and I too changed perpetually. Now this now that,
45:35
Speaker 1: now disappointed and peevish because all is not exactly as
45:38
Speaker 1: I had pictured it, And now suddenly discovering that the
45:41
Speaker 1: reality is far more beautiful than I had imagined it. Oh, Helstone,
45:47
Speaker 1: I shall never love any place like you. A few
45:52
Speaker 1: days afterwards, she had found her level and decided that
45:55
Speaker 1: she was glad to have been there, and that she
45:57
Speaker 1: had seen it again, and that too her it would
46:00
Speaker 1: always be the prettiest spot in the world, but that
46:03
Speaker 1: it was so full of associations with former days, and
46:07
Speaker 1: especially with her father and mother, that if it were
46:10
Speaker 1: all to come over again, she should shrink back from
46:13
Speaker 1: such another visit as that which she had paid with
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Speaker 1: mister Bell. End of Chapter forty six.