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Golda Daphna - The Frum Girl the Internet Can't Stop Fighting About | Call Her Tatty · Call Her Tatty

• 0:00
  But this really, Armie, is a little bit like an emotionally abusive relationship.
• 0:03
  What's the most hate you've ever taken in a single day?
• 0:06
  The Why You article.
• 0:07
  Because if you don't have a hater, you're doing something wrong.
• 0:10
  I thought I was going to marry Harry Styles.
• 0:11
  That's like a stretch.
• 0:12
  Call Her Tati is the only podcast that I DM and ask to be on.
• 0:16
  And somehow she's always causing fights on the internet.
• 0:19
  Everybody welcome Golda Daphna.
• 0:24
  Hi, Shefilas.
• 0:26
  Today, I have a very special guest.
• 0:28
  You might have seen her on Instagram.
• 0:30
  She could be a little controversial.
• 0:32
  She's lived a few lives in this lifetime, from Besyakov to SKA to Colombia.
• 0:40
  She made Aliyah one week before October 7th, and then she joined the army.
• 0:45
  And somehow, she's always causing fights on the internet.
• 0:49
  Everybody welcome Golda Dofna.
• 0:52
  Golden Doppler, welcome to Caller Dottie.
• 0:54
  I would just like to add, as I did not know the intro before, but I've never been so aptly described, so thank you.
• 1:01
  We did a lot of research on you.
• 1:03
  Oh my gosh.
• 1:03
  Because I will be honest, I didn't really know who you were on social up until maybe like a month ago.
• 1:11
  And I started noticing like the comments.
• 1:16
  I mean, you get like a crazy amount of views and you have a crazy amount of followers.
• 1:21
  You have like over 83,000 followers right now.
• 1:23
  Yeah, I think I lost 200 for the Lindsay Clancy trial.
• 1:26
  I don't think you lost from that.
• 1:28
  I think there was, because I lost also a lot of followers on my personal and on my Caller Tati account.
• 1:34
  And a lot of times, like Instagram will delete bot accounts.
• 1:37
  Oh, good.
• 1:37
  That's good for that.
• 1:38
  I don't.
• 1:38
  I don't think there were real followers because I see other influencers who also lost a ton.
• 1:43
  So I don't think people are unfollowing you.
• 1:45
  Manually removed all the bots because it's not good for your interactions and your algorithm.
• 1:51
  Well, also, if you have a lot of followers, but then you get no views.
• 1:56
  You know what I mean?
• 1:56
  It doesn't really make sense.
• 1:57
  Bought their followers.
• 1:58
  You could always see which influencers buy their followers.
• 2:01
  Oh, yeah.
• 2:02
  People with a million followers, you see they have six likes on a post.
• 2:05
  Like 200 likes on a post, and you're like, okay.
• 2:06
  Okay.
• 2:07
  Yeah, I think it's like the ratio was like really off.
• 2:10
  It's like, okay, whatever.
• 2:13
  I didn't find my followers.
• 2:16
  People just love to... No, can I tell you why, by the way?
• 2:18
  My comments have gotten so weird.
• 2:19
  I'm just going to...
• 2:20
  I, for so long, was in, like, I guess the Israeli for you page and the Israeli algorithm where, like, Americans wanted to see what my life was like in the Israeli army.
• 2:29
  So I had such positive feedback.
• 2:32
  And in the last, like, three months, I started talking about my ex-boyfriend.
• 2:36
  And men have been, like, really mad about that.
• 2:38
  They're like, you're never getting married and you're never finding love because you talk about your ex-boyfriend and you should get over it.
• 2:44
  I'm like, I just started talking...
• 2:46
  Just let me have a moment.
• 2:47
  And so now I have a lot of hate.
• 2:49
  Okay.
• 2:50
  We'll get there.
• 2:51
  Okay, sorry.
• 2:51
  This is gonna be like a little bit of a therapy session, also, I think.
• 2:54
  I'm like, okay.
• 2:55
  My ADHD brain, like I didn't eat yet today, so I'm like, no.
• 2:57
  Oh no.
• 2:58
  No, it's good.
• 2:59
  When I get anxious, I can't eat, so then I should've brought you a snack.
• 3:01
  It's okay.
• 3:02
  I'm like trying to keep up with those epidemic in the five towns, which I will return to.
• 3:05
  Well, for the viewers who don't know Golda, we're gonna get to know her and a little bit of her background.
• 3:12
  So Golda, your parents are Baltshuva through Chabad.
• 3:17
  Yes.
• 3:18
  What kind of childhood upbringing did you grow up with?
• 3:22
  Was it more Chabad?
• 3:23
  Was it more Balchuvah?
• 3:24
  Was it a combination of the both?
• 3:26
  What was it like?
• 3:28
  Oh my God.
• 3:28
  I can't say any loss in her about my parents.
• 3:30
  I love my parents so much.
• 3:35
  I think people really struggle to understand how I grew up.
• 3:37
  They're like, did you grow up Haridi?
• 3:38
  Did you grow up Chabad?
• 3:39
  Like who are you?
• 3:40
  How did you grow up?
• 3:41
  And I think anyone who grew up with Balchuvah parents, they really want to fit in to their community.
• 3:48
  My community was H Kodesh.
• 3:50
  I have no idea what that is.
• 3:51
  So H Kodesh is like kind of like a neo-Hasidic, yeshivish, modern orthodox.
• 3:56
  So it's like a lot of balay tshuva... Usually from dysfunctional families.
• 4:01
  Okay.
• 4:03
  ...who found this rabbi who has a strimal who grew up modern orthodox.
• 4:07
  So he's like a why-you-flip-out ruv.
• 4:11
  Okay.
• 4:11
  He was like really into the Holocaust.
• 4:15
  because his parents were Holocaust survivors.
• 4:17
  So the shul is named after like Ish Kodesh, which is like, I think the synagogue that parished in the Holocaust.
• 4:23
  This is such a fun podcast.
• 4:25
  Anyway, so it attracts a lot of like Balei Tshuva who want to be Haredi slash Yeshivish, but also...
• 4:32
  also want to get...
• 4:34
  They usually are educated because they're balay chuba.
• 4:36
  So they, like, assume that everyone that's Haredi, like, went to college and has a secular education and, like, the woman works.
• 4:42
  So they're just, like...
• 4:43
  It's like a congregation of, like, confused souls.
• 4:46
  Okay.
• 4:47
  And a lot of maddox flip-outs.
• 4:49
  Okay.
• 4:49
  Interesting.
• 4:50
  So my parents were like, okay, the Chabad Shaliyah sent his daughter to Beis Yaakov.
• 4:56
  You should go to Beis Yaakov.
• 4:57
  Interesting.
• 4:58
  But like when you're a Chabad Shaliyah's child, you know exactly who you are.
• 5:02
  You know exactly what you believe.
• 5:03
  So you go to Beis Yaakov and you like, you go home and like there's rabbi pictures and like, you know.
• 5:08
  But I was like committed to the bit.
• 5:10
  So I was very confused because I would go to Beis Yaakov and they'd be like...
• 5:15
  telling me all the reasons why I would go to Gehenna.
• 5:17
  Then my mother was about a Shuba, so she wanted to know what I was learning, so that I recited to her.
• 5:21
  And then instead of being like, that's deranged, she'd be like, oh my gosh, really?
• 5:26
  So once...
• 5:28
  I went to base Yaakov myself for high school.
• 5:31
  So, yeah, the go ahead and part, I totally can relate on every level.
• 5:36
  Well, yeah, continue.
• 5:37
  Once our teacher said, I think it was seventh grade, she was drinking out of a water bottle with a straw, and she's like, tell me, Dose, like, it's not Sneas to drink out of a water bottle.
• 5:45
  You have to use a straw.
• 5:47
  So I made my mother go to Gourmet Gaut and, like, buy those plastic straws.
• 5:51
  Um, and then, like, recently, like, this year, I was at a table and people were talking about it's so crazy in Basiakko how girls don't wear seat belts because it's not sneeze.
• 6:00
  And I was like, oh my gosh, like, that's like my plastic straw.
• 6:02
  That's because it was, it was like inappropriate.
• 6:04
  And then, like, I processed why it was inappropriate for a girl to drink a water bottle as a child, like what it looks like.
• 6:12
  I dissociated and straws are very skinny, so I'm just saying.
• 6:19
  I mean, even if we got a boba straw, or come on, like it's still kind of small.
• 6:24
  Bringing in the call of his coffee namesake.
• 6:26
  Like I'm just saying, like if that's what gets you going, you should check yourself, I'm just saying.
• 6:33
  They don't know, they marry their first.
• 6:34
  Yeah.
• 6:35
  Anyway.
• 6:38
  And the first, whatever.
• 6:39
  Anyway, moving on from that.
• 6:41
  So yeah, so I realized like every Yom Kippur, I'd be like telling Hashem, I'm so sorry to drink from that water bottle that one time.
• 6:49
  And then I- A water bottle.
• 6:51
  Yeah.
• 6:52
  So that's how I grew up.
• 6:53
  It's so interesting.
• 6:54
  Cause when I went to Bisiaco, I actually like, we were never told any of those things.
• 7:00
  It was just more about like, tznius.
• 7:03
  Like, the sneeze button on the shirt that we had.
• 7:05
  Did you have that?
• 7:06
  Oh, like that girl who escaped the Holocaust because she had a mug and dove in and then she covered it with a little button?
• 7:11
  Oh my God.
• 7:11
  No, no, no, no, no.
• 7:12
  This is, I'm talking about like, there's an, so like, you know how like a button down shirt, like an Oxford shirt has like a top button?
• 7:17
  Yeah.
• 7:17
  But then the next button down is like about like two,
• 7:21
  like an inch and a half or two inches lower.
• 7:23
  So you could have to show them and see the collarbone.
• 7:25
  So what they did is, is you have to buy the special shirt that had the button right under the first button.
• 7:30
  So if you pop the first button, there's another little button that will block your collarbone from being shown.
• 7:36
  And if that was open, teachers would always say, close it.
• 7:40
  You can't have it open.
• 7:41
  You didn't hear the Holocaust story about the girl with the necklace?
• 7:44
  And then she probably doesn't have it.
• 7:45
  No, because I was going to say, mug and doves don't sound very bisakuf to me.
• 7:48
  Oh, I just processed that they totally made up that story.
• 7:51
  I mean... Do you think they're wearing Megan Davis in the 19th?
• 7:54
  I mean, I don't think if they're trying to run away from a bunch of Nazis, they're gonna, like, wear it, like, out.
• 7:59
  I'm sorry.
• 8:00
  You said it would be therapy.
• 8:02
  I'm processing.
• 8:02
  We're going to get there.
• 8:03
  We're going to get there.
• 8:04
  Okay.
• 8:04
  So you went to Bisiakou and then you went to SKA.
• 8:07
  Yes.
• 8:08
  But I was in the, not like in a, oh, I'm so smart kind of way, but in like a trying to explain demographically, like how I grew up, I was in the honors track of SKA.
• 8:16
  So SKA has like these tracks and the honors track was all the Bisiakou valedictorians.
• 8:21
  So if you were like, there was, there was parties in SKA.
• 8:24
  Like people talked to, I was, I was with the Prospect Park girls.
• 8:28
  Mm-hmm.
• 8:28
  We were not talking to boys, like, not until, like, senior year.
• 8:31
  Like, we were good girls.
• 8:34
  Which experience do you think helped you
• 8:39
  mold you into the person you are now?
• 8:41
  Would it be like going to be stock of having that experience and I guess thinking for yourself after you left or is it like the SKA experience or maybe none of them?
• 8:51
  Like, I think that a lot of really unfortunate twists happened in my life.
• 8:57
  And I like actually think Hashem every day that they happened because if they didn't happen, then I probably would still like want to be in that world.
• 9:06
  Yeah.
• 9:08
  All right, got it.
• 9:09
  Okay.
• 9:10
  So you went to Columbia for engineering.
• 9:12
  Yes.
• 9:13
  What, like, how did that decision happen?
• 9:15
  Like, was that something you just really were interested in?
• 9:18
  Was it your parents?
• 9:19
  But how did you get there?
• 9:21
  I remember being in TAG and saying, I don't know why, I was a really big reader.
• 9:27
  I was best friends with the librarians because I was a nerd.
• 9:29
  So I really knew from a very young age I wanted to go to a really good school.
• 9:36
  And I grew up like Yeshiva, so I didn't know of good schools except for the Ivy.
• 9:40
  So I'm either going to Princeton, Penn or Columbia or Yale because Meryl Streep went to Yale and I was really into acting.
• 9:47
  Um, so when I was applying to colleges, I saw which one had the lowest acceptance rate and it was Columbia.
• 9:56
  So I'm a very competitive person.
• 9:59
  So that's okay.
• 10:00
  So that's, so you're like, I'm going to get there.
• 10:03
  So you're like, you manifested it.
• 10:05
  I'm going to, I also thought I was going to marry Harry Styles.
• 10:07
  So that's what happened.
• 10:09
  I thought I was going to marry Harry Styles.
• 10:11
  That's like a stretch.
• 10:12
  No, I wrote like an entire research paper on him.
• 10:15
  Yeah.
• 10:16
  and you were hoping he was gonna find it and say, this girl's very smart.
• 10:19
  I must marry her.
• 10:22
  Go to Daphna, where can I marry you?
• 10:24
  Yeah, Delulu, Delulu, manifestation, I don't know.
• 10:28
  How old are you now?
• 10:29
  I'm an old maid.
• 10:30
  I'm 27.
• 10:31
  You're not.
• 10:32
  I'm still older.
• 10:33
  You're young.
• 10:34
  I've been married.
• 10:35
  Twice.
• 10:37
  We're not gonna get into that right now.
• 10:40
  My grandma was freaking out to her earlier this week.
• 10:43
  And I was like, I call her grandma.
• 10:46
  I'm like, I'm going to die alone.
• 10:48
  She's like, no, I'm going to die.
• 10:49
  You missed your first divorce.
• 10:51
  I'm like, thank you.
• 10:51
  Because she knows, she knows that's my life.
• 10:53
  You know what?
• 10:54
  In today's day and age, if you are a single woman or a single man and you get married after 29, 30, you probably missed your first divorce.
• 11:05
  If I married any of my exes, I'd be straight in the psych ward.
• 11:08
  That's what I know.
• 11:09
  I'd be...
• 11:10
  You know what's funny?
• 11:11
  I look back and it's like, every time that either I thought somebody was good for me or my parents thought someone was good for me and then it never ended up well, I always look back and be like, I probably would have divorced that guy or I would have drawn myself like crazy.
• 11:28
  So it's funny because I'm in Florida and I was dating this guy for like a year.
• 11:32
  He's a sweetheart.
• 11:33
  He's such a good guy.
• 11:34
  But we broke up because we went to Florida and his dad was like, she's religious.
• 11:38
  You can't date her.
• 11:39
  So we broke up and it was heart-wrenching.
• 11:42
  The worst heartbreak I've ever experienced.
• 11:43
  Like I really thought I was going to marry him.
• 11:45
  We were like staying together during COVID.
• 11:46
  He was such a sweet boy.
• 11:47
  He was, he's like the smartest.
• 11:49
  He got a 36 on his ACT.
• 11:50
  Okay.
• 11:51
  He's a genius.
• 11:52
  Okay.
• 11:52
  I wrote his Columbia at med school essay.
• 11:54
  Wait, I should edit that out.
• 11:55
  But like, he's a doctor.
• 11:58
  Like, he's brilliant.
• 11:59
  He's perfect.
• 12:01
  But like, he's like fully black hatted.
• 12:03
  Black hatter now.
• 12:04
  Oh, okay.
• 12:04
  Like, heart rate.
• 12:06
  And so I think that like, when you're experiencing heartbreak and you're like, why did I lose this person?
• 12:11
  Why didn't this work out?
• 12:13
  Like, Hashem always has a plan.
• 12:14
  Like, I could not be heart rate.
• 12:16
  I could not live in Passaic.
• 12:17
  Do you know what I mean?
• 12:18
  That's just not my... You're preaching to the choir.
• 12:22
  Like, I'd be happy for like a year.
• 12:24
  And then like...
• 12:26
  then people like your brother's gay and just be like downhill from there.
• 12:29
  Yeah.
• 12:30
  Yeah.
• 12:31
  Okay.
• 12:31
  So you went to Columbia.
• 12:33
  Yes.
• 12:34
  And then you somehow ended up in Israel a week before October 7th.
• 12:41
  Can you take us back to that decision and like how that happened?
• 12:46
  Okay.
• 12:46
  So, so after I graduated Columbia engineering, I, I got assaulted when I was at Columbia.
• 12:53
  So I, for me, like gynecologists and like women's health became something that I was really, really passionate about because, uh, I had like a pain disorder after.
• 13:02
  And like, I fully thought like something was wrong with me.
• 13:05
  And like, I had an amazing gynecologist who explained it to me.
• 13:08
  And like, I had like amazing physical therapists and I was like, okay, like this is something in the world that people don't realize.
• 13:14
  And like so many women experience it throughout their lifetime.
• 13:17
  So I worked in a fertility clinic.
• 13:18
  Okay.
• 13:19
  And I was like, okay, like I want to be a gynecologist.
• 13:22
  I want to be a doctor.
• 13:23
  And then I enrolled in Columbia post-bac pre-med because it helps you get into med school.
• 13:28
  And like, I need help because I did not do well in bio at Columbia.
• 13:32
  Anyway, it's like a really hard bio class, mouse bio, whatever.
• 13:36
  I'm a fashion girl, so I have no idea what the hell half of this stuff is.
• 13:39
  Like, yeah.
• 13:40
  So I needed.
• 13:42
  So I was in Columbia Post-Bac, and I was taking summer classes.
• 13:48
  I was taking physics lab.
• 13:49
  And then I had a break between summer and fall semester, and my family was just on a trip.
• 13:53
  But my dad had these really bad labs that came back.
• 13:56
  Baruch Hashem, he's fine.
• 13:57
  And my mom's like, okay, like we can't go to a family trip, but I promised you a graduation trip.
• 14:01
  Like go to Israel.
• 14:02
  And I was like, I spoke to Israel so much.
• 14:05
  Like, I don't know.
• 14:06
  So I go to Israel and I'm like, wait, I can't go back to the Upper West Side.
• 14:12
  Like I can't go back to Columbia Postbac.
• 14:14
  I unenrolled on Freshman Beach from Columbia Postbac in Tel Aviv.
• 14:18
  I made Aliyah within a month, didn't renew my lease.
• 14:22
  And a week later, the war broke out.
• 14:23
  Wow.
• 14:26
  And so when you made Aliyah,
• 14:29
  you weren't in the army yet?
• 14:31
  Or were you thinking about it?
• 14:33
  I was...
• 14:33
  It was something that I've always thought about.
• 14:34
  I was like, okay, I'm too old.
• 14:35
  I was 24, 25.
• 14:36
  I was like, I'm too old.
• 14:38
  I, like, can't do the army.
• 14:39
  Like, I always wanted to do the army.
• 14:40
  But, like, you know, like, you don't want to be with 18-year-olds or 19-year-olds.
• 14:44
  And I did have...
• 14:45
  I was enrolled in the Open University.
• 14:47
  I was going to take supplementary courses to apply to med school.
• 14:49
  Like, I spoke to the dean at Fanger in medical school.
• 14:52
  Like, I was still on that track.
• 14:54
  But after the war, I...
• 14:57
  classes got canceled and I couldn't imagine not enlisting.
• 15:00
  It just wasn't a possibility for me.
• 15:03
  So what was the process like for you to enlist?
• 15:08
  I called the army recruiting office every day.
• 15:10
  I took a job in retail and I was the worst.
• 15:17
  And I was calling the army recruiting office every day.
• 15:19
  I was like volunteering.
• 15:20
  I was, it was, yeah, it was something that I knew I had to do.
• 15:27
  Was there anything specific that you really wanted to do while you were in the army, or were you just like,
• 15:33
  I wanted to help in any, in any capacity.
• 15:36
  I'm a biomedical engineer.
• 15:37
  So I wanted to help the medical court and save lives.
• 15:42
  And my unit saved 400 soldiers.
• 15:43
  Wow.
• 15:44
  In the first two years of war.
• 15:47
  So yeah, I feel like I, I don't think that I accomplished all my goals because the army is a very difficult place to really feel productive when you're in the moment.
• 15:58
  But then when you look back, you're like, okay, like, I'm really, really glad I did that.
• 16:02
  So you served how many years?
• 16:04
  Because I was a volunteer.
• 16:04
  I actually wanted to be an officer.
• 16:06
  It's a long conversation.
• 16:07
  But because I was a volunteer, I was there for only a year and a half.
• 16:10
  Okay.
• 16:10
  So it was like a perfect amount of time.
• 16:12
  Well, regardless of the timeline, thank you for your service.
• 16:15
  Thank you.
• 16:17
  And even if you don't agree with everything Golda Dofna has to say...
• 16:22
  I think everyone owes her a little hakar asatov for serving our country.
• 16:28
  I think people don't understand something about the Israeli army.
• 16:30
  It's like, we're in a disc.
• 16:31
  Like...
• 16:33
  I really like try not to say anything bad about this really army because Hasbara and like saying good things about our country are really important.
• 16:39
  But this really army is a little bit like an emotionally abusive relationship.
• 16:42
  Like I don't think people realize you don't have autonomy.
• 16:45
  Like someone's in charge of you and everything you do and everything you say.
• 16:48
  And there's things that you have to do, like cleaning a toilet for hours straight that you don't want to do that you have to do because you have something called the Boda Arasar and they like make you do it.
• 16:58
  And I don't think people understand that,
• 17:00
  It's not like only a sacrifice.
• 17:02
  It's like deeply emotionally difficult, especially when you're 27.
• 17:05
  Is that not with every other army?
• 17:10
  Like, I can't imagine someone goes to the American army and it's like they have autonomy on whatever they want to do.
• 17:16
  That's a good question.
• 17:17
  My grandfather was in the American military, and I think it's very different than the Israeli army.
• 17:21
  Like, the Israeli army is not a career military.
• 17:24
  It's like a tzva'am.
• 17:27
  It's like a civilian military.
• 17:29
  So I think it just looks, the vibe, the energy of the Israeli army is just very different than the energy of the American military.
• 17:37
  Well, you're also comparing a very, very tiny country to a much larger country.
• 17:41
  And I mean, I guess it is mandatory if you're an Israeli citizen living in Israel to at some point, what, join when you're 18?
• 17:50
  I'll give you a little example of the Israeli army to just understand.
• 17:52
  Again, I don't want to say anything bad about our army.
• 17:54
  I love our army.
• 17:55
  I love our country.
• 17:56
  I love Israel.
• 17:56
  I love America.
• 17:57
  But basically, Haridim protests the draft.
• 18:00
  So they would go to where I was serving and protest the draft because it also was the army recruiting office.
• 18:05
  Right.
• 18:05
  And I had like a herniated neck that happened during my army service.
• 18:09
  So I got something called a pator nashik, which was meant that I didn't have to hold a gun, which is amazing because when you're in the Israeli army, you get said to do guard duty like around different bases.
• 18:17
  And I...
• 18:18
  It's the worst.
• 18:19
  So I was like really lucky that I had this Tarnashek, which meant that I didn't have to do guard duty and like...
• 18:25
  far out bases and like sleep in horrible costs.
• 18:28
  It just like, not the vibe.
• 18:30
  And be with 19 year olds, which is really difficult because I wasn't with 19 year olds in my service.
• 18:34
  Like I was with other biomedical engineers, so, and doctors, so I was with people my age, which, thank God.
• 18:40
  But, so I had something called Perneshek.
• 18:42
  So the guard duty that I was assigned to was watching the Haredim.
• 18:46
  So we would have to sit in a field, watch the Haredim.
• 18:50
  There was also border patrol surrounding,
• 18:52
  And there was the Israeli army surrounding the perimeter.
• 18:54
  So like, we would have to sit there in the field for five hours, sometimes eight hours.
• 19:01
  Like that's how long the guard duty was in a field doing nothing.
• 19:04
  And it was just because they needed a certain amount of soldiers to sit that were there in that field.
• 19:11
  But like, I never- I mean, it's security.
• 19:14
  I mean, I don't know what these 48-a-m are gonna do.
• 19:15
  They never really jumped the fence.
• 19:17
  I don't know if they have the athletic skills to do that.
• 19:20
  But it's just that soul-crushing feeling of, like, I want to be doing something.
• 19:25
  I want to be doing something productive.
• 19:27
  Right.
• 19:27
  And I have to do this because I'm told I have to do this.
• 19:31
  And my superiors make me have to do this.
• 19:33
  I can't explain it.
• 19:34
  It's just, like, this feeling of, like, morale that you kind of lose.
• 19:39
  That just happens.
• 19:41
  I mean, it's part of the process.
• 19:43
  Right.
• 19:44
  In every job...
• 19:46
  Everyone has to do things they don't want to do.
• 19:48
  And it feels like a waste of time.
• 19:50
  Exactly.
• 19:51
  That's what's annoying.
• 19:51
  But in the fertility clinic, they asked me about that.
• 19:54
  And then it's really on me.
• 19:54
  They're like, will you be okay doing grunt work?
• 19:56
  I was like, I have clean blood off the floor in the fertility clinic.
• 20:00
  Okay.
• 20:01
  But I love the woman.
• 20:02
  So I'm still in the fertility.
• 20:05
  I love the fertility.
• 20:06
  I love fertility.
• 20:07
  It's the best.
• 20:09
  Is that something that you're looking into, like, future?
• 20:12
  Just, like, women are the best.
• 20:13
  Like, the vibes.
• 20:14
  You know?
• 20:15
  I mean, men need us, so.
• 20:18
  By the way, you could just, like, see who's in a happy marriage and who's not.
• 20:22
  Oh, my God.
• 20:22
  Don't even get me started on this, especially with, like, all these influencers.
• 20:26
  I'm like, sweetie, when that fall photo shoot drops, we know something is getting rocky.
• 20:30
  I keep getting, like, a year ago today on my TikTok and, like,
• 20:35
  My boyfriend and I broke up like a year ago today in a week.
• 20:38
  I was making fan edits and I was posting them to friends only.
• 20:40
  Like, oh my God, me and my boyfriend are...
• 20:42
  I was not happy.
• 20:43
  I was in the trenches, but that's when you post the most.
• 20:47
  I rarely post with my husband.
• 20:50
  And I always wonder, I'm like, is that weird?
• 20:52
  And I'm like, no, I'm happy at home.
• 20:54
  Like, I don't need to share my happiness with everybody.
• 20:57
  Like, I don't care for everyone to see me.
• 20:59
  No, when you're happy, you don't want anyone to, like when I get married, and Mert HaShem very soon, and when I get engaged, there will be one engagement picture of my finger.
• 21:08
  Yeah.
• 21:09
  No engagement photo shoots, no anything.
• 21:12
  And then at my wedding, I don't even know if I'll post.
• 21:14
  It's so funny, because every time there was either a girl I know on Instagram who was, like, on the brinks of getting divorced, and then she actually got divorced, or, like, just people who, like, post, and their, like, attitude and their persona changes, and, like, you see it, and it's, like, a little obvious.
• 21:30
  It's, like, they're trying too hard.
• 21:31
  It's, like...
• 21:33
  hmm, something weird is happening.
• 21:35
  And then it, like, happens.
• 21:36
  And then you're like, hmm, called it.
• 21:38
  I don't want to be that person to be, like, a narcissist and, like, pessimistic and be like, oh, like, something must be wrong.
• 21:45
  But I feel like people's attitude in social media and, like, their energy on social media, especially, like, when they try to prove that they're so happy and try to prove that everything's amazing, it's like, sweetie, like, there's something really not okay, like, behind closed doors.
• 22:01
  Yeah.
• 22:01
  I keep getting TikTok on one year ago today.
• 22:04
  And I'm like, I know exactly what was happening in my life when I was posting like, guys, I just want to like do a really honest talk about my Sunea's journey.
• 22:12
  And like just my thoughts about social media and how I want to delete it.
• 22:15
  And like, no, I did not want to delete my social media.
• 22:18
  I like did not want to take on the things I was taking on as fast as I was.
• 22:21
  Like there was a man in my ear.
• 22:23
  Like that's why I just don't believe...
• 22:26
  Stop believing everything on social media, guys.
• 22:29
  Stop it.
• 22:30
  It's not all real.
• 22:31
  Hosts, like I can host the man.
• 22:32
  Like I think relationships should be, I think people's kids shouldn't be on social media.
• 22:37
  Oh, you don't even get me started.
• 22:38
  They don't have consent to put themselves on social media.
• 22:41
  Like your kids are not props.
• 22:43
  We're gonna talk about internet, the fame that came with it, the love, the hate and everything in between.
• 22:49
  So in 2019, you were 20 years old.
• 22:56
  Yeah, I'm scared.
• 22:57
  You walked into a YU-based medrash.
• 22:59
  Oh my God, stop.
• 23:00
  And a boy tells you to leave because you're distracting the men.
• 23:04
  Oh my God.
• 23:06
  You go home and write a number one article in the Times of Israel.
• 23:09
  Take me back to that evening.
• 23:11
  Oh my God, the digital footprint is too real.
• 23:14
  I feel like I did Cheeva on this because this year I learned a Mizrahi.
• 23:17
  Okay.
• 23:18
  At a Cola, like a women's Cola, Robin E. Chani Terrigan, shout out.
• 23:21
  She's the best human alive.
• 23:22
  And every week the Cola boys would come in on Wednesday and I would leave without a fuss.
• 23:27
  Okay.
• 23:30
  What happened?
• 23:30
  Tell me.
• 23:31
  Oh, it's such a long story.
• 23:32
  This is where the therapy session starts.
• 23:33
  Oh my God.
• 23:34
  Okay.
• 23:35
  Well, it obviously started with a boy.
• 23:36
  Okay.
• 23:39
  I'm always in a toxic relationship.
• 23:41
  I was in a... We're going to get you out of that debacle.
• 23:44
  I like toxic relationship exhaustion.
• 23:45
  But the first one, the one that...
• 23:48
  When I was 19, I was in a very, very toxic relationship.
• 23:51
  You asked, like...
• 23:53
  Oh my God.
• 23:54
  I didn't know if I'm going to be serious.
• 23:55
  That was going to be a funny podcast.
• 23:56
  But when you asked me like, what made me like leave?
• 24:00
  The first boy I talked to was a boy I met up like from B'nai Akiva and he was my best friend and he sexually assaulted me.
• 24:06
  Okay.
• 24:07
  And I wanted my, I read the magic touch and I told you I was a good basic alcohol girl.
• 24:11
  For me, it was like the handbook.
• 24:13
  I'm like,
• 24:13
  I don't even know what that book is.
• 24:14
  Oh my God.
• 24:14
  She talks about how a girl had her first kiss and she was ruined and damaged forever.
• 24:18
  And that was how I thought.
• 24:20
  And I was like, I'm, I, my husband will be my first guest.
• 24:22
  Guys, poor Hushna, my husband was not my first kiss because I found out that like some men kiss, I go like a white, dead.
• 24:29
  I thought I hated you.
• 24:30
  I was like, um,
• 24:31
  When he kissed me, my list was closed.
• 24:32
  I did not want it to happen.
• 24:33
  But my...
• 24:34
  But...
• 24:35
  So my first... My best friend sexually assaulted me.
• 24:38
  And I was like, you have to ask me out.
• 24:40
  And he was like, cool.
• 24:41
  Like, we're going to Yashiva in Sumner.
• 24:43
  Like, that was my response to being sexually... That is, like, such a... That is such a quintessential base Yaakov mentality.
• 24:51
  Like...
• 24:52
  I'm broken goods.
• 24:53
  You have to marry me.
• 24:54
  Yeah, this boy was ugly.
• 24:57
  Oh.
• 24:57
  He was like 114 pounds and it was 5'11".
• 24:58
  Like, he... A string bane?
• 25:00
  My dad called him a shrif, which in Hebrew means a branch.
• 25:04
  That's what's so embarrassing.
• 25:04
  Like, I got actually assaulted.
• 25:06
  I got pinned down.
• 25:07
  Yo, when your dad starts making fun of your guy...
• 25:09
  I got pinned down.
• 25:11
  Like, people don't believe me that this man's actually assaulted me.
• 25:13
  I'm like, yeah, he pinned me down in the Moshevaeh treehouse.
• 25:15
  They're like... That boy?
• 25:17
  Like, Gilda, you could blow on him.
• 25:19
  I'm like, he's a string.
• 25:23
  Like it's embarrassing.
• 25:24
  Like you don't want to tell people you got such insulted by like the gangly, freckly weirdo.
• 25:27
  He's married, cause obviously.
• 25:29
  Anyway, so, whatever.
• 25:32
  So he was like to me, I'm so from, like I learned in the YA Babe Midrash and you can't even look inside.
• 25:38
  And I was like, screw you.
• 25:40
  I'm gonna walk inside.
• 25:41
  And then I did.
• 25:43
  And then I wrote an article about it.
• 25:44
  But it wasn't actually because of Y.U.
• 25:46
  I didn't go to Y.U.
• 25:47
  I was just like, screw these abusive men that are like, I'm holier.
• 25:51
  Like, bro, you slapped me across the face.
• 25:53
  He didn't do that yet.
• 25:54
  Actually, maybe.
• 25:54
  Like, you're not holy.
• 25:56
  But I truly think a lot of men, like, that taunt women with their holiness are like the worst of them all.
• 26:02
  Because holy men, like my dad, you know, loves women.
• 26:06
  Yeah.
• 26:07
  Like, holy men are interested in putting women down.
• 26:10
  And that's kind of why I love Chabad, because the Rebbe believed the , in the , like, Mashiach is all about feminine divine energy.
• 26:21
  And so that's why also they hate common stuff.
• 26:23
  It's like, okay, you hate women, not Mashiach energy.
• 26:26
  Right.
• 26:28
  I should stop.
• 26:28
  You said I would keep doing it for dramatic facts.
• 26:30
  You can move it closer if you want.
• 26:32
  I feel like everything is like, I try to make it into a joke is just like a really traumatic story.
• 26:36
  I apologize.
• 26:37
  I think, I think good humor comes from trauma.
• 26:42
  Yeah.
• 26:42
  And it's about seeing the light and like the humor in things.
• 26:45
  And why do you think there's so many Jewish comedians?
• 26:48
  Right.
• 26:48
  Because we've been through the ringer like a hundred million times.
• 26:50
  And I think it is a very like quintessential base Yaakov standup routine to be like, yeah, I try to marry the guy that's actually assaulted me.
• 26:57
  I mean, like, I feel like you, I mean, like, from coming from that world, like, that wasn't even, like, something you spoke about.
• 27:05
  That wasn't even something that was even, like, a concern.
• 27:08
  Because it doesn't happen in our world.
• 27:09
  What are you talking about?
• 27:10
  I didn't want to tell anyone because I was in Yehud.
• 27:13
  And it wasn't even Yehud.
• 27:14
  Like, we were in his mom's car in the half-door parking lot.
• 27:18
  I remember.
• 27:18
  And I didn't want to tell my mom anyone.
• 27:21
  Right.
• 27:21
  Because I was like, I broke he hood.
• 27:23
  Like, also like we were snuggling.
• 27:25
  So it was kind of my fault because we were snuggling.
• 27:27
  So clearly if you were snuggling, that gave him permission to do everything.
• 27:30
  You let him do it.
• 27:32
  But also like people don't understand.
• 27:34
  And we're really lucky the Me Too movement was literally a few months after.
• 27:37
  So I started like waking up.
• 27:38
  But what people don't realize is that like there's trauma responses to being sexually assaulted if you've never been touched.
• 27:43
  And mine was freeze.
• 27:45
  Yeah.
• 27:45
  So I was frozen and then I relented.
• 27:47
  I'm like, fine, just do it.
• 27:48
  Like, and people don't realize that, like, sexual assault doesn't always look like flight and fight.
• 27:54
  Like, sometimes when you're very young, like I was 19, a voice never touched me before except when I was a kid, but I blocked that out until that happened.
• 28:03
  I was frozen and he was my best friend.
• 28:05
  Like I've been in love with him for so long.
• 28:08
  It's probably cause like he threatened to push me in front of a train and even then I have like that.
• 28:12
  Oh my goodness, this is getting dark.
• 28:14
  He was, he, yeah.
• 28:16
  Wish his wife light and love.
• 28:19
  Anyways, we're gonna move along.
• 28:21
  Okay, so the internet.
• 28:23
  You were first fairly famous on TikTok.
• 28:26
  You kind of maneuvered to Instagram.
• 28:31
  There's clearly people who really love you and people who don't really agree with you or...
• 28:38
  like you, I'm not gonna say eight, because eight's a strong word, but there is an audience out there that is questioning your content.
• 28:49
  The girls love me.
• 28:52
  Like when I walk in Jerusalem, I'm like, every time a girl stops me, or like a girl, I just de-unned her because I was going to a protest.
• 29:00
  I was not going to a protest.
• 29:01
  Oh my God.
• 29:01
  I was going on a date with my ex-boyfriend, but there was a hurry.
• 29:03
  Sounds like a protest to me.
• 29:05
  I said, do my protest here.
• 29:06
  There was a Haredi protest.
• 29:08
  And so I put it on my Instagram story, and there was a guy in the picture, and he was like, I'm proposing to my girlfriend tonight.
• 29:15
  And as a surprise, I flew into Israel.
• 29:16
  And I'm like, oh, she may follow me on Instagram.
• 29:19
  So I had to take down, I took down the picture.
• 29:21
  I'm like, I can't ruin your engagement.
• 29:23
  And I was scrolling our TikTok and her engagement, like her wedding photos came up.
• 29:26
  And I just DMed her.
• 29:27
  I'm like, I have to make a TikTok about this.
• 29:29
  And like, shoot, it was such a good interaction.
• 29:31
  Like my girls, I'm like, I'll die for the girls.
• 29:33
  Like I love the girls.
• 29:34
  Like those girls that stop me in the street, like the girls that are like, oh my God, because of you, I did this because of you, I did this because of you.
• 29:39
  I'm like, oh my God, stop.
• 29:40
  Like not because of me, you're probably gonna do it on your own, but like, I'm so happy to be part of your journey.
• 29:44
  Like I love the girls.
• 29:45
  I think a lot of men are very insecure.
• 29:50
  Yeah.
• 29:50
  And they're projecting their own insecurity on me that I don't really like, I don't know you.
• 29:55
  Like, why do you hate me?
• 29:57
  And it's always the accounts with, like, no picture, weird name, no followers.
• 30:01
  Or, like, men that I know that want to be influencers but don't have as... Yeah.
• 30:05
  ...haven't reached 10K.
• 30:06
  Yeah.
• 30:07
  Or also, like, their content's just not interesting and they don't know what they're doing.
• 30:10
  Or, like, closeted men.
• 30:11
  Yeah.
• 30:12
  Well, that's a whole other story.
• 30:15
  What's the most hate you've ever taken in a single day?
• 30:19
  The YU article.
• 30:20
  When I walked into the YU Bay of Josh.
• 30:22
  And after that article was published...
• 30:26
  How did that affect you with your sleep, your mood?
• 30:31
  It's just going to get really dark.
• 30:33
  That was like the lowest point in my life.
• 30:35
  Like that was really, really, cause I was, I was going, I was going through a lot.
• 30:42
  So that was, that was quite bad.
• 30:44
  It was really.
• 30:45
  Did you regret writing that article?
• 30:47
  No, I still don't regret writing that article.
• 30:50
  Okay.
• 30:51
  Well, cause it was also really funny cause in the Y you had like that gay club.
• 30:55
  controversy and I'm like guys I totally wrote an article like saying that they should like federal funding should be divested because like I don't see how this is legal which just also begs the question to whatever begs the question about a lot in orthodoxy and like how we like pretend that certain things are like secular and they're not so whatever why you you're a religious institution do what you do but like if you get federal funding I think you have to be very careful
• 31:24
  Yep.
• 31:24
  That you're not discriminating anyone on the basis of gender, sex, or like sexual.
• 31:30
  Technically, yeah.
• 31:32
  I mean, like illegal.
• 31:33
  Yeah.
• 31:35
  Some people would call what you post trauma dumping.
• 31:39
  Oh my God.
• 31:40
  I know yesterday you posted.
• 31:41
  Has it been in my hair the whole time?
• 31:43
  I don't know.
• 31:43
  Has it?
• 31:44
  Guys.
• 31:45
  What is that?
• 31:46
  It's like tape.
• 31:50
  What is that from?
• 31:51
  Yeah.
• 31:52
  You're gonna trauma dump about this later?
• 31:54
  Yeah, you will.
• 31:56
  So some people call what you post trauma dumping.
• 31:59
  Yeah.
• 32:00
  I know yesterday or two days ago, you posted a video when it was raining outside about how you're gonna stop trauma dumping.
• 32:09
  Probably not.
• 32:10
  And I think what's interesting is I don't believe it's wrong to trauma dump.
• 32:14
  I do think that if you are going to trauma dump, what's your reason for doing it other than being relatable?
• 32:21
  Is there any other reason that you trauma dump?
• 32:24
  I'll just say this.
• 32:25
  I think that there's a lot of things that I'll never say on the internet or out loud or to anyone about the things I've been through because of, you know, my loyalty to those that love me and I don't want to betray them in any way.
• 32:37
  But I think that there's things that I've gone through in my life that are so bad, so bad that people turn into like drugs or alcohol or drugs.
• 32:48
  sex work or do very harmful things.
• 32:51
  Do I think trauma-nuffing may be a form of self-harm?
• 32:53
  Yes.
• 32:54
  Do I think that it's, like, the least egregious form of self-harm I engage in?
• 32:58
  Yes.
• 32:59
  Do I...
• 33:00
  I don't think I do it to be relatable.
• 33:02
  I think I genuinely, like...
• 33:04
  was in college, grew up in base Yaakov, was at Columbia, suddenly wasn't the smartest person in the room, was learning about, everyone knew what evolution was.
• 33:13
  I never even learned what evolution was.
• 33:15
  A rabbi taught me physics.
• 33:16
  Like I was struggling to get on the curve.
• 33:19
  You know, like to get a B plus was like good.
• 33:22
  And like when you getting a B plus is good, when you've gotten A's your whole life, it's like a punch in the stomach.
• 33:28
  You're like, wait, like the one way in which I defined myself and thought I was special, I'm not even special anymore.
• 33:33
  And then I was sexually assaulted by my best friend, which when that happened, I remembered that
• 33:39
  I got sexually assaulted as a kid.
• 33:41
  So then when I remembered being sexually assaulted as a kid, I had to tell people there were certain people in my life I couldn't speak to anymore.
• 33:49
  So there were certain places that I felt safe in that I no longer felt safe.
• 33:52
  And I lost people that I love very dearly because I was like, it's either me or I'm going to kill myself if I have to speak to these people.
• 34:01
  So I was at Columbia, felt stupid, going through all of this, like literally had active PTSD.
• 34:06
  And there was this app where I could just be like,
• 34:09
  yo, like, I, this sucks.
• 34:12
  And then girls would be like, same.
• 34:15
  And you know what?
• 34:15
  Like, there was no, like, goal.
• 34:17
  Like, I wasn't trying to get followers.
• 34:18
  I wasn't trying to be famous.
• 34:20
  I was just like, I've been abused my entire life.
• 34:24
  And I've been threatened into silence and told no one's ever going to love me because of it.
• 34:29
  That's literally what, like, certain people said to me.
• 34:31
  They're like, you know, if you tell people you were sexually abused, no one's going to want to marry you.
• 34:35
  Like, why is that the, why is that the first response?
• 34:39
  I think it's because they would never admit it if they were in a position that they had to say something.
• 34:47
  So it's... they're just...
• 34:50
  They're just putting that onto you of what they would do, but does it make a right?
• 34:53
  Absolutely not.
• 34:54
  Also, if marriage is the cost to me, like...
• 35:00
  I think a life of silence is a death wish.
• 35:02
  I think telling survivors of sexual abuse, you should be silent about this for the rest of your life.
• 35:07
  You should not make the boundaries and cut off the people that did this to you.
• 35:11
  You should engage in dangerous behavior over and over and over again.
• 35:14
  Like people ask me, like, how are you so healed?
• 35:17
  Like, how do you, like, you've been through so much.
• 35:19
  How did, like, I made Dean's List at Columbia when I was going through a...
• 35:23
  like a Title IX investigation.
• 35:24
  And they're like, how did you do that?
• 35:25
  And it's because the one thing that kept me going was my voice.
• 35:29
  Like if people couldn't take away my voice, they couldn't take away my power.
• 35:32
  So if you're telling someone that was sexually abused, I want to take away the one thing that's going to empower you.
• 35:37
  So you get married?
• 35:38
  What kind of marriage will that person have?
• 35:41
  I think in the religious world, the answer to people's problems or trauma is either get married, have a baby.
• 35:51
  Right.
• 35:52
  Right.
• 35:53
  And if it's really, really bad, get divorced.
• 35:55
  Like there's never like an actual like, okay, let's start from the beginning.
• 35:59
  Let's go there.
• 36:01
  Like, let's start from the beginning.
• 36:03
  Like, don't try to brush it under the rug.
• 36:08
  And if I really think about it, like at every stage of my healing journey, and like, I hate the term healing journey because I live in Acha'od and everyone, not to like say that people don't really have trauma, but like people are on their healing journey and their trauma is small potatoes.
• 36:19
  You know what I mean?
• 36:20
  And like, I don't think I'm on a healing journey.
• 36:22
  I think I'm like pretty healed.
• 36:23
  But if I looked at like every stage of my life when I was 19, 21, and like the partners I had, if I married any of them, I have a life of misery, except for, I told you about the guy from Florida.
• 36:33
  He's a sweetheart.
• 36:34
  I mean, I'd be Haredi, but like,
• 36:38
  I think that it's very important to heal yourself and know who you are before engaging in a lifelong commitment and then raising children.
• 36:47
  What was your process of healing?
• 36:50
  Oh my God, I don't even think it was purposeful, my process of healing.
• 36:54
  Did you go to therapy?
• 36:56
  Oh, that, yeah.
• 36:58
  Were there some medications involved?
• 37:00
  No, by the way, ever since Lindsay-Clincy trial, I think that people are very scared to say this, but my biggest bracha in my life is that my mom was, you are not taking a psychiatric medication.
• 37:09
  But we'll get to that.
• 37:11
  My first process was I was in seminary and I was having like issues with my roommates and sleeping.
• 37:16
  I could not sleep.
• 37:17
  I had really bad insomnia.
• 37:19
  Like I was with that boy that sexually assaulted me and I was having these memories of what happened to me as a kid.
• 37:25
  And my insomnia was horrendous.
• 37:28
  And my seminary teacher said to me, no, I told my Rakeset, I have this memory.
• 37:34
  I don't know if it's really bad.
• 37:36
  And I told her, like, I couldn't even say, like, the whole story.
• 37:40
  I just said, I think something happened with this person.
• 37:43
  And she's like, speak to this teacher.
• 37:45
  I spoke to the teacher.
• 37:47
  And she said to me, you need to go to a therapist.
• 37:50
  I have a therapist for you.
• 37:52
  And I actually went to a therapy that my mom said is, like, kind of really not recommended.
• 37:56
  Like, so not recommended.
• 37:57
  Like, it literally causes suicide.
• 37:58
  I went to exposure therapy where I couldn't write down the memory I had.
• 38:03
  Like I couldn't say it, so I had to write it down in my notes app.
• 38:06
  And then she, me and you record it.
• 38:09
  And then I would play it over and over and over again.
• 38:12
  And as I was playing it, I was on the relationship with that boy.
• 38:14
  So he and I would sit together, like in the old city, listening to my memory of being the last of it as a child.
• 38:20
  Talk about trauma bonds, like deep in the trauma.
• 38:24
  And I was like, I wanted to die.
• 38:25
  I genuinely wanted to die.
• 38:27
  And my mom flew into Israel because my son and I was worried about me.
• 38:32
  My daughter will not be kicked out of seminary.
• 38:34
  That's so bad for Shizukim.
• 38:38
  And I went to my dad's family member who was a psychiatrist.
• 38:41
  She's like, Golda's fine.
• 38:42
  But whatever.
• 38:44
  And then that therapist recommended a sexuality therapist in Manhattan.
• 38:49
  And I went to her.
• 38:52
  And by a stroke of literal genius, I found myself in a healthy relationship with an amazing person.
• 38:59
  And so I stopped therapy.
• 39:02
  I was like, I'm in a healthy relationship.
• 39:05
  I'm literally my biggest advocate against this, but that was me at 21 years old.
• 39:11
  And then when we broke up, I went, no, I didn't go back to therapy yet.
• 39:19
  I had a psychiatrist because of my insomnia.
• 39:22
  I was taking trazodone, so I started speaking to him more regularly.
• 39:27
  And then my senior year of college, I got rates.
• 39:31
  So then I went, I told my mom that I had to go to trauma intensive outpatient therapy.
• 39:39
  And I was like, I cannot carry this around like a peckle off my whole life.
• 39:44
  So I had a therapist I did EMDR with.
• 39:48
  Yeah.
• 39:49
  So that's.
• 39:50
  That's like been my healing journey.
• 39:52
  But I think that it's had a lot of twists and turns.
• 39:56
  Like I've kept re-engaging in the same patterns over and over and over again, which I think is what happens to people that were abused as a child because you keep trying to like fix the loop.
• 40:06
  You're like, this time I'm going to fix the loop.
• 40:08
  And like the loop will never get fixed.
• 40:10
  But it feels so familiar.
• 40:11
  Do you know what I mean?
• 40:13
  I'm trying to, like, make this...
• 40:14
  I can't relate.
• 40:16
  But I'm, like, trying to make this, like, light and, like, funny, but it's, like, impossible.
• 40:19
  But, um...
• 40:21
  So I did a lot of EMDR, and I did exposure therapy.
• 40:24
  And honestly, I think my TikTok was very healing because I said a lot of things.
• 40:28
  And once I said them, they...
• 40:30
  Like, I remember my biggest fear when I, like, had boyfriends and broke up with them and they broke up with me.
• 40:37
  My biggest fear was them telling anyone who abused me.
• 40:40
  I was so afraid.
• 40:42
  I was like, it's this huge secret.
• 40:44
  I remember telling my best friend, Tiana, in freshman year, like, who abused me.
• 40:48
  And it, like, feeling like this, wait.
• 40:51
  And so me going to social media being like, yeah, I was abused.
• 40:54
  And, you know, I'm still hot.
• 40:55
  Like, it doesn't matter.
• 40:57
  Like, who cares?
• 40:57
  Did you ever out the people?
• 41:00
  No, I can.
• 41:01
  For personal reasons, I can.
• 41:05
  Have you ever...
• 41:06
  This is going to be a tough question.
• 41:07
  Oh, no.
• 41:07
  You're going to take my water.
• 41:08
  Take a drink.
• 41:11
  Have you ever forgiven anybody who abused you?
• 41:14
  I don't know when I were just talking about this.
• 41:19
  Like, rape?
• 41:23
  Whatever level of abuse it was.
• 41:25
  I don't know.
• 41:25
  My situation should just kissed another girl after telling me we're exclusive.
• 41:29
  And I just talked to him on the phone today.
• 41:31
  Um, I don't, I don't hold her sentiment towards him.
• 41:37
  Um, my mom and I were just talking about this.
• 41:42
  I'm really, I'm going to be really careful about what I say.
• 41:45
  Sometimes in podcasts I say too much.
• 41:48
  Um, I, I,
• 41:52
  I dated, um, like a, like a really emotionally abusive person while I was in the army.
• 41:58
  Um, not the Israeli.
• 41:59
  Everyone thinks Mr. Han, for those watching, was not him.
• 42:02
  And, um, on my birthday, he did, he did something very, very bad on my birthday weekend.
• 42:10
  And I locked myself in the bathroom.
• 42:13
  And I remember like thinking like, how did this happen again?
• 42:15
  Like, how did this happen again?
• 42:17
  And he was like, Golda, like it was a mistake.
• 42:20
  Like I didn't mean to do it.
• 42:21
  Like it was a mistake.
• 42:23
  And it became a hallmark of our relationship, how I forgave him and how I didn't make a TikTok about him.
• 42:28
  Cause he was so scared that I make a TikTok about him.
• 42:31
  And I was like, I won't, I promise we'll never make a TikTok about you.
• 42:34
  And I remember like, I went to therapy and I, we talked about like why when I got raped my senior year, it was bad because it was malice.
• 42:42
  That's what my therapist said at the time, like he had bad intentions.
• 42:45
  And so I said to myself, okay, like if it was, if someone does something by mistake, like I forgive them.
• 42:53
  I now realize that forgiveness isn't leverage.
• 42:59
  Doesn't make sense.
• 43:01
  And when you forgive someone, there's nothing that they are supposed to gain.
• 43:06
  And for me, in my past relationship, that forgiveness of that moment painted a relationship where he was able to break my boundaries in the worst way possible.
• 43:18
  And then hold it over my head.
• 43:20
  Because I know you'll never tell anyone about it.
• 43:23
  And so I also think I've given men the script of what I've been through so they can know exactly like what buttons to press and they'll know they'll never wanna tell anyone about it because then I look like the fool who made the mistake again.
• 43:42
  So have I ever forgiven anyone?
• 43:45
  Yes, I did.
• 43:47
  And what I learned from that experience
• 43:51
  I genuinely don't think it wasn't a mistake.
• 43:54
  It was... Like, I think he genuinely does not think anything he does is bad.
• 44:00
  Like, I genuinely don't think he's... Like, him throwing something at my head when he's angry was bad.
• 44:07
  Like, or him, you know, yelling at me was bad.
• 44:09
  I think he genuinely thinks that
• 44:12
  Everything he does is with the best intent.
• 44:14
  And I think a lot of people that abuse women think that.
• 44:16
  Because how could they ever be bad?
• 44:19
  They're not bad guys.
• 44:19
  They're nice guys.
• 44:21
  They're good guys.
• 44:21
  They learn a yeshiva.
• 44:25
  But I'm beginning to understand that just because someone didn't have bad intent doesn't mean that they didn't or verisibly hurt you.
• 44:32
  And that they should be gentle with you.
• 44:35
  And you deserve gentle.
• 44:37
  Like, I deserve people to be gentle.
• 44:38
  As far as the person that abused me when I was a kid,
• 44:43
  Taylor Swift has a wonderful line about, you don't really have to forgive anyone to move on.
• 44:50
  I'm not a Taylor Swift fan, but I do agree with that.
• 44:52
  You should be.
• 44:52
  I'm not a Swifty.
• 44:54
  That is one thing I will disagree with you on.
• 44:56
  I am not a Swifty.
• 44:58
  This is so heavy, I feel like.
• 45:00
  I'm sorry, but to me, she's like vanilla Klein's Parva ice cream.
• 45:04
  She's so bland.
• 45:07
  But you know what?
• 45:08
  I know why you like her.
• 45:09
  Because she writes songs about every ex-boyfriend.
• 45:11
  Yeah, I do.
• 45:13
  I'm like, you understand how to... And to me, it's like, okay, girl, put out a full album.
• 45:18
  You don't understand.
• 45:19
  Like, my dad and I were in the car, and he was going over all my abs.
• 45:22
  He's like, go, go.
• 45:23
  None of them.
• 45:23
  You could write a whole album.
• 45:24
  Like, none of them will.
• 45:25
  Like, people don't understand.
• 45:26
  Like, people are like, Goldie, you really got to lower your standards.
• 45:28
  The standards were in hell.
• 45:30
  Like, the standards have been in Gehenna.
• 45:33
  Like, literal hell.
• 45:34
  Wait, you're... Who said to lower your standards?
• 45:36
  Like, everyone just thinks I'm really picky.
• 45:38
  I think you should be.
• 45:39
  No, like, I'm not.
• 45:39
  Like, that's the problem.
• 45:40
  But maybe you should be.
• 45:41
  No, like, that's what I'm learning.
• 45:42
  Like, if I'm... You need to be picky.
• 45:44
  My ex-boyfriend thought that he
• 45:48
  I'm a biomedical engineer.
• 45:50
  Okay.
• 45:50
  And he was like, our kids cannot be vaccinated.
• 45:53
  Oh.
• 45:53
  That was against my core principles.
• 45:56
  Correct.
• 45:57
  Yeah.
• 46:00
  I really hope his children don't die of measles.
• 46:03
  But you know what?
• 46:03
  I'm just saying, like, I...
• 46:08
  I'm not going to get into this now, but we have doctors and science for a reason.
• 46:12
  And when something goes really bad, all of a sudden, everybody wants a doctor.
• 46:15
  And you know what?
• 46:16
  It's all those, like, holistic influencers.
• 46:18
  Oh, my God.
• 46:19
  Don't even start.
• 46:20
  First of all, they don't have, like, a college degree.
• 46:22
  Like...
• 46:23
  Someone DMs me.
• 46:25
  Then she called me.
• 46:26
  Wait, please don't get mad at me.
• 46:27
  Whoever this is, I didn't need you.
• 46:29
  She was like, Gulda, I'm really stressed.
• 46:30
  I was like, what?
• 46:31
  My parents are sleeping.
• 46:32
  What's going on?
• 46:33
  I was in a hotel room with my parents.
• 46:34
  She's like, my friend is anti-vaccine and she just gave birth and she's hemorrhaging and she needs a blood transfusion.
• 46:39
  Is there DNA that will get transferred through the blood transfusion?
• 46:42
  Oh my God.
• 46:44
  No, literally.
• 46:45
  I'm like, are you talking about because of mRNA vaccines?
• 46:48
  Like, because of COVID's and mRNA.
• 46:50
  I'm like, oh my gosh, people don't know basic level science.
• 46:54
  You won't get a blood transfusion when you're hemorrhaging?
• 46:56
  She's like, it's okay, she could just eat her placenta.
• 46:58
  I'm like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God.
• 47:01
  I like started, like, I started getting anxiety through the phone.
• 47:04
  I was like, cold is okay.
• 47:06
  Guys, education's really important.
• 47:08
  Just watch Khan Academy.
• 47:09
  Like, you don't even need to get a dude.
• 47:10
  Just watch Khan Academy, watch The Central Dogma.
• 47:14
  Like, it's really easy to learn these things.
• 47:16
  Basic knowledge, basic facts.
• 47:18
  Oh!
• 47:19
  So now...
• 47:19
  Okay, are we talking about light stuff now?
• 47:22
  We're gonna get there.
• 47:22
  Oh my gosh.
• 47:24
  We finished with the army.
• 47:25
  Okay.
• 47:27
  What does your day-to-day look like now?
• 47:28
  Oh, my God.
• 47:28
  It's so embarrassing.
• 47:30
  I'm like an unemployed bum lately because I freelance on Instagram.
• 47:32
  I'm starting school in October.
• 47:34
  Okay.
• 47:35
  And what are you going for?
• 47:36
  Pre-med.
• 47:36
  Again, I'm doing my machina.
• 47:38
  Okay.
• 47:38
  So, no.
• 47:39
  Okay.
• 47:40
  So, I was trying to take these last two months because I'm an independent business owner under Golda Dofna because I'm an Instagrammer.
• 47:46
  And as you know, people can make a living off Instagram.
• 47:49
  I'm very bad at it.
• 47:51
  Like, some people can.
• 47:52
  Okay.
• 47:59
  get a side hustle going on while I'm in school.
• 48:02
  Okay.
• 48:02
  So that's what I do.
• 48:04
  But you're learning also now?
• 48:06
  So I'm going to start pre-med and then I'm going to be applying for a medical school.
• 48:09
  But weren't you learning like some Torah, Gamara?
• 48:12
  I did for a year, yes.
• 48:13
  Are you still doing that?
• 48:14
  No.
• 48:15
  No, you're done with that.
• 48:16
  I'm done with that.
• 48:17
  I was going to ask you, what are you learning so you could teach me something?
• 48:19
  Because Basiago took me so far.
• 48:23
  I wasn't even there for that long.
• 48:24
  I was there for 9th, 10th, 11th, and after 11th, I'm like, screw this one out.
• 48:27
  So you don't know the lamas has malachas?
• 48:29
  I do-ish.
• 48:31
  Mali, ish, ha-lay.
• 48:32
  No, I definitely know it.
• 48:34
  You know what my papi is, is when I'm on a Shabbat meal, and there's a halachic question, and a girl, like, asks the Shalavim, modern Orthodox boy, about Shabbos or Kashras, and I'm like, you have a wealth of Mishnah Bruah, like, right here.
• 48:52
  What do you think we were doing in Bess Yaakov?
• 48:54
  I was being told you can't walk in your high heels in the grass.
• 48:56
  Right.
• 48:57
  Because it's Chorish.
• 48:58
  Correct.
• 48:58
  That's a Chumrah.
• 49:01
  We learn a lot of Chumrahs.
• 49:02
  But I mean, like... What's so funny is I remember when I was in Bess Yaakov and I had... Halacha class, and I remember this.
• 49:11
  I never took one note.
• 49:13
  And it was mostly on Kashras, Shabbos,
• 49:17
  And I don't know, things, I guess, like, just in my house that I grew up in was just, like, common knowledge.
• 49:23
  Because, like, we just heard about it from my parents.
• 49:25
  So it was like, oh, yeah, you can't do this on Shabbos.
• 49:27
  You can do this.
• 49:28
  Like, of course you can't squeeze that on Shabbos.
• 49:29
  Like, oh, you could do that.
• 49:31
  Like, whatever.
• 49:32
  And then, like, with Yunt, if you could do this, you can't do this.
• 49:34
  And I don't think I ever took one note in that whole class.
• 49:36
  And, like, the rabbi who taught the class, he's a great rabbi.
• 49:40
  He actually lives in Miami now.
• 49:41
  Yeah.
• 49:45
  He always noticed, like, I would just doodle and, like, sketch dresses because I went to fashion school after B.C.
• 49:51
  Yaakov, which was, like...
• 49:52
  Cool.
• 49:53
  Which was, like, a totally different departure.
• 49:55
  Can you style me?
• 49:56
  I have no style.
• 49:57
  For sure.
• 49:58
  But it was very funny.
• 50:00
  He's like, I don't understand, Khala.
• 50:01
  Like, you do pretty well on the test, but you, like, don't take any notes.
• 50:04
  I'm like, because I live with it.
• 50:06
  Like, I, like, live by this.
• 50:09
  I don't just learn it.
• 50:09
  Like, I live it at home.
• 50:11
  So it's, like, I don't need to...
• 50:13
  Well, that's the point of Judaism.
• 50:14
  Like, that's the point of, what was I saying?
• 50:17
  Like, a Jewish woman.
• 50:18
  Like, that's, wait, I can't speak.
• 50:20
  But, like, we took a class on, like, women in Talmud Torah and Michael El.
• 50:23
  Yeah.
• 50:24
  And they had, like, all these debates about, like, are women allowed to even learn Torah?
• 50:27
  Like, are women allowed to learn Torah Shua Pan?
• 50:29
  Like, early Postkin were really, like, women need to learn practical halacha for their home.
• 50:35
  So...
• 50:37
  That was literally my whole upbringing was like practical halacha that you're going to use like every day.
• 50:44
  And I mean, clearly right now, I did not look like this when I went to be so cold.
• 50:48
  You look like a sneeze cream to me.
• 50:49
  I mean, listen, I stuck on the skirt.
• 50:51
  I'm wearing those shorts.
• 50:53
  Isn't it so ridiculous that like what you wear determines how firm you are?
• 50:56
  I mean, I can go on and on about this for hours.
• 50:59
  Like I was more from...
• 51:03
  in certain points in my life when I looked less.
• 51:05
  Like I was, I went shopping today to look only, like I don't wear cop tops anymore.
• 51:08
  I don't wear like sleepless anymore.
• 51:10
  I try to only wear, I only wear skirts.
• 51:13
  I couldn't find anything flattering in the store.
• 51:14
  I was there for like three hours and it's,
• 51:19
  But you're also in Miami.
• 51:19
  And by the way, people in Miami, they don't get dressed.
• 51:21
  The clothing's optional here.
• 51:22
  That's like Tel Aviv.
• 51:24
  Yeah, clothing's optional.
• 51:25
  Go to New York, you'll find better clothes there.
• 51:27
  The bi's are very different in New York than Miami.
• 51:30
  Why is everyone so hot in Miami?
• 51:31
  Because everyone just works out all day and they're wearing no clothes, so they have to look good.
• 51:36
  And they're all plastic.
• 51:38
  Personally, I don't think plastic looks good, but.
• 51:41
  I mean, listen, as long as it doesn't get too hot, people won't melt.
• 51:44
  But what's interesting is like, I don't know about you, but when I went to BC Yaakov, there was such an emphasis on how you look and less of an emphasis on how you act.
• 51:56
  And it's like, after leaving, I guess, that world, going to college, like, I guess, interning myself in a secular world, it's like, you see the world at large and like, what actually is meaningful, what is, you know, a nice idea, but like, it doesn't really define you.
• 52:15
  Like, I always say like, I don't cover my hair.
• 52:18
  I'm married.
• 52:18
  I tried to do it my first time around when I was married to my first husband.
• 52:22
  It made me a miserable person.
• 52:23
  It made me hate covering my hair so much.
• 52:26
  And so the times that I feel like I could do it, I'll do it.
• 52:30
  Like I own a full shaital at home.
• 52:32
  It's also your choice.
• 52:33
  Right, but I'm saying like, when you find the meaning, and it could be just one Shabbos, I wake up and I'm like, you know what?
• 52:38
  Like today, I feel like I could do it.
• 52:40
  You know what?
• 52:40
  I'll wear a hat.
• 52:42
  I have a few kippah falls.
• 52:44
  It has to be, like, you have to find meaning and enjoyment, and it has to make you a better person emotionally.
• 52:53
  spiritually and so i think after like leaving that base yaakov world and then like finding like my true authentic self it's like you know what i do see value in x y and z but i don't really find value or belief in certain things that i was told like if you do this or dress like this you're gonna go to guy hand him i remember i was told if i had a slit in my skirt it's a slit to go hand him
• 53:19
  This really, no, this is really- And until today, every time I see anybody with a slit in their skirt, I'm like, the slit to go hand him.
• 53:27
  I really felt like I healed all my Haredi trauma this year.
• 53:30
  I was in cola.
• 53:31
  I was wearing the long sleeves.
• 53:32
  I was wearing the long skirts.
• 53:33
  I became besties with the rabbis and the rabbinites.
• 53:35
  And I was feeling really from.
• 53:36
  And then like a yeshiva, like try to threaten me into like never making a TikTok.
• 53:41
  And I was like, oh, I forgot that this is what this world is like.
• 53:44
  Like what you said, I forgot that like no one cares how people treat people.
• 53:48
  They just care about how you appear.
• 53:50
  And I'm like, that's like the opposite of the life I want to live.
• 53:55
  Appearances are the least important part.
• 53:57
  And it's funny because I think that over the past, I would say 10 years, I would say the standards of like normal from dressing have changed.
• 54:08
  Growing up, if you were like...
• 54:12
  from, like, base Yako from, but still, like, cool enough and, like, modern enough to wear, like, a jean skirt.
• 54:17
  Oh, my God.
• 54:18
  I was going to be.
• 54:20
  Like, ooh, you wear a jean skirt, but then you wore nude stockings.
• 54:22
  It's like, you're modern, but you're still, like, from, but you weren't, like, you were, like, middle of the road.
• 54:29
  And everybody loves to think that their way of, like, dressing and whatever is the right way.
• 54:34
  Right.
• 54:34
  Everybody loves that.
• 54:35
  And I was actually talking to Zoli about that last night, where it's, like, people who, like, believe, like, if you look a certain way and you live a certain way, like, that is the correct way, and nothing else is correct.
• 54:47
  Like, it's their way or the highway.
• 54:49
  It's just, like, for me, it's just, like, a little gross because it's policing women's bodies.
• 54:53
  And, like, do we have the same standard for men going to Minyan as we do for women wearing long sleeves, which is, I think, like a humra and, like, dos yuri?
• 55:00
  No.
• 55:02
  Of course we don't.
• 55:04
  And that's why men hate me on the internet.
• 55:05
  Because I'm like, do you go to Minions?
• 55:07
  Go hate us.
• 55:07
  Is that right?
• 55:08
  Like, what you're doing with a sneer?
• 55:10
  Well, like, why are you watching a woman?
• 55:12
  Like, are you not supposed to look at women?
• 55:13
  I know.
• 55:14
  Why do you have Instagram?
• 55:14
  Do you know what's on Instagram?
• 55:15
  By the way, this is what pisses me off the most.
• 55:17
  When guys will comment, like, why are you saying, like, those words, Neville Pa on the internet?
• 55:24
  I'm like, do you not see, like, what else is out on Instagram and YouTube?
• 55:28
  Like, first of all, I'm dressed like a nun compared to all the people on Instagram.
• 55:32
  Second of all... Shamir C. Nayan.
• 55:34
  Yeah.
• 55:34
  I don't care about Shamir C. Nayan.
• 55:36
  Like...
• 55:37
  Okay.
• 55:37
  No, it's... Whatever.
• 55:40
  You do you.
• 55:42
  We're gonna play a game of rapid fire.
• 55:43
  Okay, gosh.
• 55:44
  No, I feel like I failed this podcast.
• 55:46
  I feel like I flunked.
• 55:47
  No, you didn't.
• 55:47
  Can you tell that I'm like a former nerd?
• 55:49
  No.
• 55:49
  I'm like, oh my God, I got an F. Can I do that?
• 55:52
  How would I do on the boat?
• 55:53
  I'm just gonna say, if you were doing so poorly, I would've kept interrupting you.
• 55:57
  Oh my God, really?
• 55:57
  Active listening.
• 55:58
  That's what I do.
• 55:59
  Yay, boom.
• 56:00
  Okay.
• 56:01
  That's the hard part about being in the secular world, by the way, it's rude.
• 56:03
  Like everywhere else in our culture, it's like normal to interrupt.
• 56:06
  I know.
• 56:07
  Ashkenazi.
• 56:08
  It's like shows that you're like actively listening.
• 56:10
  But yeah, anyway, continue.
• 56:13
  We're gonna play a little game of rapid fire.
• 56:15
  Okay.
• 56:18
  The post you'd pin to the top of your page for forever.
• 56:24
  Uh, oh, duh.
• 56:25
  I have one where, like, I introduce myself and it's a lot of slides and it's like, this was me then and this was me then and this was me now.
• 56:31
  Okay.
• 56:33
  Most underrated person on the Jewish internet?
• 56:38
  Underrated?
• 56:39
  Underrated.
• 56:39
  I feel like everyone's a little overrated.
• 56:44
  So somebody that you follow that maybe needs more exposure.
• 56:51
  I'm trying to think of all my friends that are on the internet that are like...
• 56:59
  I'm trying to think.
• 57:00
  Who do I follow?
• 57:01
  I don't like to follow, I feel like, Jewish accounts.
• 57:05
  Same.
• 57:09
  I like people that are just like themselves.
• 57:11
  Oh my god, I know who.
• 57:13
  Blake Vonberg.
• 57:15
  Who?
• 57:15
  His name's Blake, he's so funny.
• 57:17
  Okay.
• 57:17
  Blake.
• 57:19
  Something in your apartment that would confuse an American.
• 57:23
  These are hard questions.
• 57:28
  That's not so hard.
• 57:29
  It's like an Israeli gadget or product that an American would be like, what the hell is this?
• 57:34
  Like the squeegee thing.
• 57:35
  The sponge-a.
• 57:36
  Yeah.
• 57:37
  I eat it.
• 57:38
  I eat it.
• 57:39
  Every time we had to do it in the army, I was like, guys, I need a mop.
• 57:42
  Where's the best kiddish at?
• 57:46
  Like Israel?
• 57:46
  Mm-hmm.
• 57:48
  I'm not like a kiddish girl.
• 57:49
  I'm bad at these questions.
• 57:51
  I'm like a loser.
• 57:52
  Where do I feel like a kiddish?
• 57:54
  Like, okay.
• 57:55
  I lived in Tel Aviv.
• 57:56
  I would say they're Chabad on the coast.
• 57:59
  It's like my favorite place in the whole world.
• 58:00
  I love the Chabad couple.
• 58:02
  Shout out to the Anish's.
• 58:04
  Okay.
• 58:05
  What is your Tati going to say when he watches this podcast?
• 58:09
  Or if he watches the podcast.
• 58:12
  The Tati I'm currently speaking to?
• 58:15
  No, your actual Tati.
• 58:17
  Not that daddy.
• 58:23
  Not that sugar Tati.
• 58:24
  I was going to say, that Tati's going to be mad that I didn't mention him, so I had to give him a shout out.
• 58:30
  Your actual Tati.
• 58:32
  I never called him.
• 58:33
  He's Abba.
• 58:33
  Okay, Abba.
• 58:34
  Well, now I don't want to talk about Abba because I just talked about my Tati.
• 58:37
  Okay, okay.
• 58:38
  What's my op I gonna say?
• 58:40
  I think he's gonna be like, why did you talk about the duh?
• 58:45
  I thought we were eating eggs.
• 58:49
  Okay.
• 58:49
  Go back to scene of crime.
• 58:51
  Excuse me.
• 58:51
  Is he Russian?
• 58:52
  No, I don't know why I make it.
• 58:53
  I can't do his accent.
• 58:55
  All right, we're gonna do a this or that.
• 58:58
  Food.
• 58:59
  Falafel or shawarma?
• 59:02
  Shawarma.
• 59:04
  Chulent or Shabbos sushi?
• 59:08
  Sushi.
• 59:09
  Like sushi like day old sushi?
• 59:11
  No, Friday night or Shabbos day chulent.
• 59:14
  I don't like chulent.
• 59:15
  Okay.
• 59:16
  Lifestyle, shaitl or tichel?
• 59:20
  Tichel.
• 59:21
  Huh?
• 59:22
  I live in a zoo.
• 59:22
  Yeah, that's true.
• 59:24
  I think I'd do like a little cute little like a headband.
• 59:28
  No, I won't wear a headband but I think I'll whoever I marry I feel like I'll workshop it.
• 59:34
  We'll figure it out.
• 59:36
  A Walmart dress or a designer dress?
• 59:39
  Oh, you know about my Walmart dress?
• 59:40
  No, I'm asking you just this or that.
• 59:43
  Like do you prefer a Walmart dress or a designer dress?
• 59:45
  Like a girl, like obviously for a designer dress.
• 59:47
  I just thought you knew about like this Walmart dress.
• 59:48
  What Walmart dress were you talking about?
• 59:50
  This Walmart dress all the time.
• 59:51
  What Walmart dress?
• 59:52
  It was like a $12 Walmart dress.
• 59:54
  And I really liked it.
• 59:55
  I don't know where it is.
• 59:56
  I'm just going to say some of my best pieces in my closet are from like ASOS for like $10.
• 1:00:02
  And people think it's like the row.
• 1:00:03
  I'm like, cute.
• 1:00:04
  No, I didn't spend $900 on the t-shirt dress, but okay.
• 1:00:07
  But I will say, like I did go shopping today and things that are more expensive like do fit your potty better.
• 1:00:12
  Of course.
• 1:00:12
  Yeah.
• 1:00:13
  And it's annoying.
• 1:00:14
  But like now I'm older, I can like feel the difference.
• 1:00:17
  Yes.
• 1:00:19
  I need a rich husband, because I'm going to be a doctor.
• 1:00:21
  Tel Aviv or Yusheleim?
• 1:00:23
  Tel Aviv.
• 1:00:25
  Tel Aviv.
• 1:00:25
  Yeah.
• 1:00:26
  Five towns or Teaneck?
• 1:00:28
  I never went to...
• 1:00:29
  I think I went to Teaneck like once.
• 1:00:31
  Okay, so you can't even decide.
• 1:00:33
  Anywhere but five towns.
• 1:00:35
  When I say that, I cut off every brand deal in the five towns.
• 1:00:38
  They're like, no Junies for you.
• 1:00:42
  The five towns is genuinely... Whatever.
• 1:00:48
  You know, Zoli once bought me a sweatshirt.
• 1:00:51
  Zoli, what did it say?
• 1:00:52
  Yeah, Lauren Cedar Hook.
• 1:00:58
  What was it?
• 1:00:59
  Lauren Cedar Sodoma.
• 1:01:00
  Yeah, I still have that sweatshirt.
• 1:01:02
  I think I wore it in his parents' house and said everyone got mad at me.
• 1:01:05
  I've become like a mean person at Five Nights.
• 1:01:07
  There's a sidewalk interview with me, like I'm mean.
• 1:01:09
  Because I get so frustrated.
• 1:01:11
  I'm like, how do you take everything in Judaism but the values?
• 1:01:17
  Like every, I don't know.
• 1:01:19
  We're going to ask this or that dating chayal or a learner.
• 1:01:26
  That's literally been the last two years of my life.
• 1:01:28
  I was chayal then learner.
• 1:01:30
  The chayal was like 3,000 times better.
• 1:01:34
  Usually better looking also.
• 1:01:36
  He also just like, like we would go to, like he would go to bed at 2 a.m. Like hang out with me in Tel Aviv and then wake up at five, like at 4 a.m. to go to Gaza.
• 1:01:44
  Never complained.
• 1:01:45
  Got me flowers.
• 1:01:46
  The learner was like, when I had a concussion, was like during being as mom.
• 1:01:49
  And he's like, I really don't want to like be Betul Torah and come visit you.
• 1:01:57
  Like, is your crones hurting you?
• 1:01:58
  I'm just gonna say, Chayalim and Chayalot generally don't complain as much as like regular civilians do.
• 1:02:09
  It actually, I actually look at them and I'm like, how do you have that strength to like not complain about things that we would complain about nonstop?
• 1:02:19
  Dating an American after dating an Israeli that carried five hostage bodies on his back
• 1:02:27
  was the greatest whiplash of my life.
• 1:02:29
  Because, like, what do you mean that, like, the bus from you to me was, like, 30 minutes, but, like... Gould, I just, like, want to have self-care to me.
• 1:02:38
  Israelis are like, what is self-care?
• 1:02:40
  Right.
• 1:02:40
  You are myself, Gould, you are my everything.
• 1:02:42
  You are my sunshine, you're my life.
• 1:02:44
  What's interesting is I also feel like any time I talk to someone who's been in the army or, you know, who fought through, you know, the war October 7th, and, like,
• 1:02:57
  they don't complain about like the trauma they had to deal with in the army.
• 1:03:03
  But like, I'll literally be talking about my stupid broken pinky nail.
• 1:03:06
  Like, oh my God, I had to go get it fixed.
• 1:03:08
  They complain a lot about stupid things.
• 1:03:09
  That's something about Israelis that's really funny.
• 1:03:11
  But I'm saying like, like for me, it's like, it becomes like my whole day in personality.
• 1:03:15
  And it's like, for them, it's like, okay, like just get a fix and get over it.
• 1:03:18
  And I'm just like, oh God, like I am, I'm a child.
• 1:03:21
  No, you'd actually be surprised.
• 1:03:23
  I would laugh at my Israeli ex-boyfriend.
• 1:03:26
  I barely talked about him on this podcast.
• 1:03:28
  I would laugh at him.
• 1:03:30
  I'd be like, in tyranny, basic training, girls would be like, Honey, I have a peepee.
• 1:03:34
  They would just complain about the silliest thing.
• 1:03:39
  But speaking things, their friends dying, they just speak matter-of-fact.
• 1:03:43
  Like, yeah, my friend is...
• 1:03:45
  They are very straight to the point, matter-of-fact.
• 1:03:48
  And I think that that's why they had the right to complain about the little thing.
• 1:03:51
  So, do you have the right to complain about the little thing?
• 1:03:54
  I try not to complain as much these days.
• 1:03:57
  Shidduchti or DM?
• 1:04:01
  They're both bad.
• 1:04:01
  They're both terrible, but pick one.
• 1:04:04
  DM.
• 1:04:05
  Really?
• 1:04:05
  I sure met a guy off a DM, but like I... Can we talk about how the merry men be in our DMs?
• 1:04:16
  Personally?
• 1:04:18
  maybe had like one or two and I'm like, bro, like, no.
• 1:04:23
  Yeah.
• 1:04:25
  But I've never met anyone off DMs, but I should updating should have.
• 1:04:30
  It's genuinely want me to be single for life or marry someone secular.
• 1:04:36
  Like,
• 1:04:37
  They are genuinely like a fear factor episode.
• 1:04:40
  They just always get worse and worse and worse.
• 1:04:43
  You know what's interesting?
• 1:04:44
  I found that when I should have dated before I married my first husband, I was just pretty happy-go-lucky on the date.
• 1:04:52
  And I'm just like, whatever.
• 1:04:54
  And back then, I mean, I was young.
• 1:04:56
  I was like 18.
• 1:04:57
  When you were a baby.
• 1:04:58
  I was a baby.
• 1:04:59
  I started dating when I was 17.
• 1:05:01
  What?
• 1:05:01
  Because I skipped 12th grade.
• 1:05:02
  I didn't go to seminary.
• 1:05:04
  Persian?
• 1:05:04
  Persian?
• 1:05:04
  No, I'm like very Haimish, but like I'm from LA.
• 1:05:10
  I'm like an interesting like brief.
• 1:05:12
  17 years old?
• 1:05:13
  I graduated high school when I was 16.
• 1:05:16
  What is, oh my gosh, wow.
• 1:05:18
  Cause I'm so smart.
• 1:05:19
  No, it's cause I just wanted out.
• 1:05:21
  I'm like, once my uncle was like, you need to get the kosher phone.
• 1:05:24
  Cause he started like the kosher phone rule when my grade is going to 12th grade.
• 1:05:28
  I'm like, yeah, I'm done.
• 1:05:30
  Checking me escape to cults.
• 1:05:31
  Yeah.
• 1:05:31
  No, but I told my parents before I even started.
• 1:05:34
  I'm like, this is not for me just letting you know.
• 1:05:37
  And I didn't really get an option to go to another high school.
• 1:05:40
  So it's not like I was like a rebel, it's like, bro, like I am.
• 1:05:42
  But do you guys, if you were to tell people in like the secular world that you left high school at 17 because like they made you justice right away, they made you get a culture phone, you're allowed to have internet, they'd be like.
• 1:05:52
  I had no interest in being there.
• 1:05:54
  I didn't feel like I was meant to be there.
• 1:05:55
  Every day I went there, it's like I drove myself there because like my parents were paying tuition.
• 1:05:59
  I wanted to get a high school diploma and I actually got my high school diploma in the middle of 11th grade.
• 1:06:04
  So I already graduated when I was still at 11th grade.
• 1:06:07
  But, like, do you understand that, like, it's genuinely, like, not normal if you would tell someone in the secular world?
• 1:06:11
  Yeah.
• 1:06:12
  Like, it's genuinely... What people really don't understand is we really do live in our own little bubble.
• 1:06:16
  Like, our bubble is so tiny.
• 1:06:17
  And, like, there is a big, big world out there that cannot comprehend.
• 1:06:23
  That's why people, like, unorthodox is so anti-Semitic.
• 1:06:25
  When I was in Colombia, I would tell people, like, how did he grow up?
• 1:06:27
  I'm like, did he watch Unorthodox?
• 1:06:28
  So, like, a little less.
• 1:06:30
  I was like...
• 1:06:31
  Like it was a very good reference point because I didn't know evolution.
• 1:06:35
  Like I literally, my physics was taught to me by a rabbi.
• 1:06:38
  If we wrote Yiddish on the top of our physics test, we got like an extra five points.
• 1:06:42
  Like, oh, I was like sitting there with my professor who had a particle accelerator in Geneva.
• 1:06:49
  And I was like a hop, skip and a jump from SKA physics.
• 1:06:51
  Okay.
• 1:06:53
  I'm going to wrap up with this one question.
• 1:06:55
  Oh gosh.
• 1:06:56
  Okay.
• 1:06:57
  Sorry.
• 1:06:57
  One day, God willing, you're going to get married.
• 1:06:59
  Yes.
• 1:07:00
  You're going to have a daughter.
• 1:07:02
  She watches your TikToks, your Instagram, and she decides that she wants to make Aliyah alone and go on her own.
• 1:07:12
  Or... She's going to be in Israel.
• 1:07:15
  Or she wants to just, like, basically go in your footsteps.
• 1:07:19
  What is your best advice you're going to tell her?
• 1:07:23
  If my daughter decides to like break the mold, break the mold, I'd be the proudest mother alive.
• 1:07:28
  If my daughter is like, wow, well, like, wow mom, you were like brave and did things that were really hard.
• 1:07:35
  And I want to be brave.
• 1:07:36
  I'd be like, hey, like I did my top kid in this world.
• 1:07:40
  And I think that would like literally like be the proudest moment of my life.
• 1:07:43
  I actually have an email account where I send emails.
• 1:07:45
  I used to send emails to my future kids.
• 1:07:48
  give them like life advice about like hey like i'm in a really hard time now but like i really hope that it's going to turn around and like one day this is going to be a lesson to you and when we talked about um the people that i won't talk about that abuse me that person has kids and a lot of my account is that i hope like one day when they look me up and they try to know the full story they'll know you'll cry that like i always try to protect them
• 1:08:17
  And that I'm messy and complicated.
• 1:08:19
  I'm just a normal girl.
• 1:08:23
  Any last comments or statements you want to leave with these viewers?
• 1:08:30
  I think that Call Her Tati is the only podcast that I de-end and ask to be on.
• 1:08:35
  I don't think.
• 1:08:35
  I know.
• 1:08:36
  Because I think that a lot of Jewish podcasts...
• 1:08:41
  have tried to create an idealistic version of what it means to be a Jewish and from person.
• 1:08:47
  And it's generally to silence the woman and to create her in a way in which only, she's only fit for the podcast if she's married, wears a shade dill and wears long sleeves.
• 1:08:58
  The husband could be like a DJ, unemployed, a bum,
• 1:09:03
  predator.
• 1:09:03
  Like, it doesn't matter.
• 1:09:04
  Yeah.
• 1:09:04
  A get-refuser.
• 1:09:06
  But the woman has to be habacious.
• 1:09:09
  Right.
• 1:09:11
  And I just want to close with this.
• 1:09:12
  The holiest woman in the Torah.
• 1:09:16
  Think of Rahav.
• 1:09:16
  It says in the Gemara that there was not a man in Babylon that didn't sleep with her.
• 1:09:22
  Sariminu was a baron.
• 1:09:25
  She also pretended to be her husband's sister.
• 1:09:27
  Rivka was, like, three.
• 1:09:30
  Like,
• 1:09:31
  The woman in the Torah, the woman which we followed her, except Bathsheba, was bathing naked and having the time of her life.
• 1:09:38
  She wasn't because her husband was sent to his death.
• 1:09:41
  They were not these perfect idealistic women.
• 1:09:44
  They were Yehudit and they were Bathsheba.
• 1:09:47
  and they were Rachav and they were Yal Isher Chavarachini.
• 1:09:50
  And this idea that Jewish women have to be a certain way to be heard and to be seen, it's just not a Jewish idea.
• 1:09:57
  It's not a Jewish concept.
• 1:09:58
  And you are emulating Bridge of Mary Christianity.
• 1:10:02
  And that won't bring Mashiach.
• 1:10:05
  But you will call or talk.
• 1:10:07
  If I bring Mashiach, you're welcome.
• 1:10:11
  I don't know engaging cosplayers with me.
• 1:10:16
  No, you know what's funny?
• 1:10:17
  It's like I was very happy that you DM'd me because I do know that there are people who follow you who either love you or don't love you.
• 1:10:28
  And I think that...
• 1:10:30
  It's always nice to see people, not just in a short form clip, but also in a long form, because this is going to be on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts.
• 1:10:38
  And I think it's great.
• 1:10:39
  And I think, like you said, people will take a clip of you and they'll edit it.
• 1:10:44
  And obviously we do editing and we want to make it exciting and there has to be a hook and everything.
• 1:10:48
  But when you're immersed in a full conversation, it kind of brings out this other side.
• 1:10:56
  And I'll be frank,
• 1:10:58
  Every single thing that you said, do I necessarily agree with?
• 1:11:03
  Not in regards to your personal experiences, but other things?
• 1:11:07
  No.
• 1:11:07
  But I think this shows that, like, you can still have conversations.
• 1:11:11
  You can still have, you know, meaningful things.
• 1:11:13
  And it's, like, even if you don't, like, necessarily sync up and, like, agree on everything, like, you could still be friends.
• 1:11:20
  You could still, like, have conversations and, like...
• 1:11:24
  Especially like for women, like a lot of women don't necessarily always agree on everything that, let's say, another woman has, whether it's like her level of firm care or how she dresses or like how she sees things and like her own lens.
• 1:11:35
  And I think like, you know, having you on was like a really, really good move because, like I always say, I'm not everybody's cup of tea.
• 1:11:44
  That's fine.
• 1:11:45
  And that's how it's supposed to be.
• 1:11:46
  Because if you don't have a hater, you're doing something wrong.
• 1:11:49
  I also think what you said is interesting about you don't always agree with me because sometimes I post something online because that's like what I'm feeling in that moment in time.
• 1:11:56
  Like the Lindsay Clements U trial, whatever.
• 1:11:58
  I was like, well, that's how I feel.
• 1:11:59
  And like my situation should like call me.
• 1:12:00
  It's like, well, like what's going on?
• 1:12:01
  And we spoke and we spoke on the phone today.
• 1:12:03
  And he's like, I was totally right.
• 1:12:05
  You were totally wrong.
• 1:12:06
  Like, yeah, maybe.
• 1:12:07
  But like, that's what's funny about the internet is like.
• 1:12:10
  You post something at that moment, is that how you think?
• 1:12:13
  And then people are like, that's how Golda thinks forever.
• 1:12:15
  And it's like, no one actually is static like that.
• 1:12:18
  We're dynamic human beings.
• 1:12:19
  I just think when you're on the internet, you're posting all your thoughts all the time.
• 1:12:23
  There's a danger that people are like, hey, that's how she thinks for all time.
• 1:12:26
  And that's just like... And by the way, you're allowed to change your mind on things and ideas and decisions in your life.
• 1:12:32
  And that is part of living.
• 1:12:34
  That is human evolution.
• 1:12:36
  That is how you evolve as a person.
• 1:12:38
  So...
• 1:12:39
  And I think like we should like not be afraid to be like passionate and be like, this is what I believe.
• 1:12:44
  And then like have people DM us be like, Gola, that was a really bad take.
• 1:12:47
  And I'm like, you know what?
• 1:12:48
  Like maybe it was like those conversations are so much.
• 1:12:51
  I love, like, I love those conversations.
• 1:12:53
  Like I love that I posted a video and I'm like, God, we got to relax with the mom, Donnie.
• 1:12:57
  Yeah.
• 1:12:57
  And someone like DM me like paragraphs and I DM them paragraphs.
• 1:13:01
  They're like, oh, I like see your point.
• 1:13:02
  I'm like, oh, I see your point.
• 1:13:03
  And like, that's, that's why it's almost you have to have hot takes on the internet.
• 1:13:06
  And that is how Mashiach is going to come.
• 1:13:10
  Anyways, guys.
• 1:13:13
  Thank you for watching.
• 1:13:14
  And we'll see you next time.