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From Dysfunction to Dystopia: Exploring 'The Fifth Element' and Pop Culture · High n' Dry Podcast

0:15
Ryan Baron North: all right, let's get into it.
0:16
Ryan Baron North: So, hey everybody, welcome to high and dry podcast, the only podcast keeping alive the fandom of The Titus Show, um we don't talk about these beforehand.
0:26
James Crosslin: I I wasn't expecting The Titus Show.
0:28
James Crosslin: Very funny yeah that's it seriously.
0:33
James Crosslin: Trailer trash it's, and trailer trash really loved the show, like my family loved that show the title show yeah, all you have to do is like look back at it and it's just like asking you to love dysfunctional relationships and be beholden to people who are pieces of shit and and be impulsive and deal with impulsivity instead of try to correct it.
1:01
James Crosslin: It's a fucking Chris Titus horrible, fucking comedian, terrible show, fuck that.
1:10
Ryan Baron North: Top to bottom, yeah, so, as you guys can tell, we won't actually be talking about Titus show, barring what we just went into.
1:18
Ryan Baron North: We are a comedy philosophy podcast and we're going to be today.
1:23
Ryan Baron North: We're going to be talking about the fifth element, starring bruce willis and, uh, mila jovovich and, um, chris tucker.
1:31
Ryan Baron North: We're going to be diving into that and we're going to do, mostly chris tucker mostly chris tucker and we're going to be doing a three-part method.
1:37
Ryan Baron North: First we're going to start with, uh, just our initial thoughts, and then we're going to jump on the golden path for some high thoughts, and then we're going to bring it home with a what if, where we're inserting ourselves drugs and or alcohol into the film.
1:48
Ryan Baron North: And what makes it so fun and special my thick kings listening in is that we will be doing it drunk and high.
1:55
Ryan Baron North: So, james, what are you smoking?
1:59
James Crosslin: I've got some Kush Mountain because I've horribly injured my ankle and it has anti-inflammatory properties because of the caryophylline, which is a terpene in cannabis and, yeah, ones that are really high in caryophylline help with inflammation.
2:19
James Crosslin: Who said that you don't learn anything on?
2:26
Ryan Baron North: this show.
2:27
Ryan Baron North: It's true, it's all.
2:27
Ryan Baron North: It's all weed related, though.
2:28
Ryan Baron North: Um, I'll be joining you with knob creek, uh nine you said knob I said, uh, uh, aged nine years.
2:37
Ryan Baron North: Let's see, it's 100 proof.
2:38
Ryan Baron North: So 100 horsepower on this bad boy.
2:41
Ryan Baron North: It's not bad, made in Claremont Kentucky.
2:46
Ryan Baron North: I'm excited to see how this goes.
2:48
Ryan Baron North: Something a little new.
2:50
Ryan Baron North: I know I've been hitting the old Forester pretty hard lately.
2:54
James Crosslin: I'm glad you're trying something new.
2:55
James Crosslin: See how it goes.
2:56
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, so this first one goes out to the film today.
2:59
Ryan Baron North: Fifth Element and oh, Gary Oldman.
3:03
James Crosslin: Yeah, gary Oldman's there too.
3:04
James Crosslin: True, true Cheers, oh my.
3:13
Ryan Baron North: Mine's pretty good.
3:14
Ryan Baron North: I'm still taking mine in.
3:15
Ryan Baron North: We're also the only show that takes these celebrated bourbons and turns them into quick shots, ah, but I mean, it's always the second one that, really, when you're just shooting bourbon, it's the second one that gives you the true taste of what we're dealing with here.
3:33
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, initially, though, it's got a lot of flavor.
3:37
James Crosslin: There's a lot going on here I gotta tell you it's always the first hit of weed where you get all the flavors, and this, the subsequent ones, taste more like ash.
3:48
Ryan Baron North: Okay, yeah, so the first, the first hit's always the best on weed all right, yeah, I uh, yeah, I couldn't tell you, couldn't tell you you used to smoke tobacco out of a pipe.
4:01
James Crosslin: Yeah, that's true.
4:02
James Crosslin: So I think you kind of know right.
4:03
James Crosslin: It's usually the first one where you get all the flavors and then the rest kind of take it After that.
4:08
James Crosslin: The smoke kind of coats your mouth.
4:11
Ryan Baron North: Oh yeah, my biggest problem always with the smoking was just the flavor that was in my mouth for like two days after.
4:17
Ryan Baron North: Yeah that was in my mouth for like two days after.
4:19
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, I hate it.
4:19
Ryan Baron North: I can't stand that part of it there's not enough like listerine in the world to knock it out either.
4:23
Ryan Baron North: Um so now it's time for our second hit, second toast, and this one is going to go out to our newest listeners.
4:32
Ryan Baron North: We are lighting up in la and north hollywood ah la, and north isle cheers right around the right in my backyard yeah, they're looking for some indie kind of presentation out there that can take over where the titus show left off yeah, I mean we're the closest uh piece of media to the titus show.
4:58
James Crosslin: Yeah, easily.
4:59
James Crosslin: We both came from dysfunctional families, that's for sure.
5:05
Ryan Baron North: Ooh, and this third one.
5:08
Ryan Baron North: Let's line up our third one.
5:10
Ryan Baron North: What's this one?
5:12
Ryan Baron North: Oh, I remember this third one.
5:15
Ryan Baron North: Ooh, wow, the flavor on that one really comes in.
5:20
Ryan Baron North: I think got a very strong barrel flavor to it.
5:29
Ryan Baron North: They want you to know that we spent a lot of time.
5:33
Ryan Baron North: Oh, I almost poured an extra shot into that.
5:36
James Crosslin: That would have been a than a big gulp it's like they want you to know that you could be chewing a piece of wood, right?
5:44
James Crosslin: Now instead of instead of drinking alcohol.
5:47
Ryan Baron North: All right, exactly, but you're not going to get the same effect.
5:52
Ryan Baron North: So here's a third sauce, third hit as written.
5:57
Ryan Baron North: So knob creek.
6:02
Ryan Baron North: I enjoy it very much.
6:04
Ryan Baron North: It's a solid flavor, but it's a very, very powerful flavor to just be knocking back yeah, is that one that's supposed to be?
6:15
James Crosslin: that's supposed to have an ice cube in it?
6:17
Ryan Baron North: probably, I think so I would say so if you're doing the uh knob creek bourbon nine uh yeah, put an ice cube in it, a little bit of spring water I think, uh, yeah, I think a lot of people are real, uh are real snobbish about not doing it.
6:31
James Crosslin: I'm pretty sure, uh, for me it always tastes better with an ice cube.
6:35
Ryan Baron North: I don't know don Don't get me wrong, I drink a lot of straight, neat whiskey.
6:42
Ryan Baron North: Uh um, but your bourbon is bold enough to handle whatever you want to put in it, All right.
6:52
Ryan Baron North: So it's time to jump into it.
6:53
Ryan Baron North: As we've already kind of discussed, we're going to be talking about fifth element, Bruce Willis 19.
6:58
Ryan Baron North: I don't know.
6:59
Ryan Baron North: I'm 97, I think Really, are you sure?
7:04
Ryan Baron North: Can we put a bet on it?
7:05
Ryan Baron North: I'm going to say 94.
7:07
Ryan Baron North: I'm going to say 95.
7:08
Ryan Baron North: 95.
7:10
James Crosslin: Fifth, Element.
7:12
Ryan Baron North: I shot it too low 1997.
7:15
Ryan Baron North: Okay, there you go.
7:19
Ryan Baron North: Well, so you won that one, all right.
7:21
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, there you go.
7:22
Ryan Baron North: Uh, well, so you won that one, all right.
7:23
Ryan Baron North: Good night everybody.
7:25
James Crosslin: Taking the L and going home, yep.
7:28
Ryan Baron North: I just don't have it in me.
7:29
James Crosslin: So all right, let's let's.
7:31
James Crosslin: I needed this, I needed this.
7:36
Ryan Baron North: You could have told me any date.
7:37
Ryan Baron North: Uh, all right, so fifth element, james, initial thoughts.
7:41
Ryan Baron North: How'd you like it?
7:44
James Crosslin: uh, I liked it so I actually watched watched it in preparation of this podcast with someone who had never seen it before, really.
7:53
James Crosslin: So, yeah, it's one of my friends, gian.
7:55
James Crosslin: I watched it with Shara and his wife and uh, and he'd never seen the movie before and he was expecting a gritty sci-fi movie Negative.
8:09
James Crosslin: He did not know what the fifth element was and it was really fun to kind of talk to him about it and see how he felt about it throughout.
8:16
James Crosslin: Uh, first thing to note great movie.
8:20
James Crosslin: I love the prop work.
8:21
James Crosslin: I think the prop work is amazing.
8:23
James Crosslin: But they did they took so much time to build this intricate world with sets and everything there.
8:28
James Crosslin: The clothing design is really great.
8:31
James Crosslin: The cgi is ass.
8:34
James Crosslin: Cgi is absolute ass.
8:38
James Crosslin: It was and listen, jurassic park had cgi and it was better than this and that was four years earlier.
8:45
James Crosslin: There were ways there were people doing better cgi.
8:49
James Crosslin: This is just bad cgi.
8:51
James Crosslin: Um, but all the other shit's great.
8:54
James Crosslin: Uh, chris rock steals the show halfway through.
8:58
James Crosslin: I mean, uh, chris tucker, I'm sorry, yes, chris tucker, shit, I'm already high man.
9:04
James Crosslin: Uh, chris tucker steals the show halfway through and he comes in as ruby rod.
9:10
James Crosslin: He just fucking uh blows up the screen, he, he takes all the the those looks away from bruce willis yeah, he definitely.
9:20
Ryan Baron North: He was a showstopper in this one, without a doubt, and it was definitely the film that launched a thousand mila jovovich's as badass female films you say that, but you know why.
9:37
James Crosslin: She's badass female films like her husband is the one who directs all those resident evil movies oh for real yes, so he just puts her as the lead in all the the resident evil movies.
9:50
Ryan Baron North: It's her husband damn I need to marry some dude like that.
9:56
Ryan Baron North: What the?
9:57
Ryan Baron North: Fuck coppola or something.
9:59
Ryan Baron North: Well, she also did Ultraviolet.
10:04
James Crosslin: Was she.
10:04
James Crosslin: Salt, or is that someone else?
10:07
Ryan Baron North: Salt was Scarlett Johansson.
10:11
Ryan Baron North: No, Salt was Angelina Jolie.
10:15
James Crosslin: Okay.
10:17
Ryan Baron North: Scarlett Johansson did the.
10:18
Ryan Baron North: I hate this premise.
10:19
Ryan Baron North: I absolutely hate this premise where unlocking your brain.
10:24
Ryan Baron North: Unlocking your brain to 100 oh, I hate it.
10:28
Ryan Baron North: So it's so dumb and we keep returning.
10:31
Ryan Baron North: Like every every five years there's a movie where what if we could use 100 of our brain at the same?
10:37
James Crosslin: time you use 100 use 100% of your brain.
10:41
Ryan Baron North: You would just be really good at multitasking.
10:42
Ryan Baron North: That is it.
10:43
Ryan Baron North: That is all.
10:43
Ryan Baron North: Oh my god, I hate it.
10:46
Ryan Baron North: It drives me crazy.
10:46
Ryan Baron North: It drives me crazy.
10:48
Ryan Baron North: You use different parts of your brain for different things.
10:51
Ryan Baron North: That's all it will allow you to do, anyway, anyway, scarlet, giant Jesus.
10:59
James Crosslin: Christ.
10:59
James Crosslin: So what do you think about this movie?
11:04
Ryan Baron North: Unlocked or whatever.
11:05
Ryan Baron North: It was terrible, no.
11:09
Ryan Baron North: So Fifth Element yeah, I love it.
11:10
Ryan Baron North: I've loved it since I was a kid.
11:11
Ryan Baron North: I saw it really early on and yeah, no, I love it to death, I agree.
11:18
Ryan Baron North: And yeah, no, I love it to death, I, I agree.
11:19
Ryan Baron North: What I love most about it is like you had a writer who jumped in, set, set people um, prop, design all these things, and they're like we are going to create a culture.
11:31
Ryan Baron North: We are going to create, uh, things that are important to this society.
11:36
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, we are going to invest into this world for just a one-off man.
11:41
Ryan Baron North: The the marvel cinematic universe hadn't happened yet, but they did the same level of building for just this one fucking thing and it's gonna be awesome.
11:53
James Crosslin: And it was a lot of throwaway jokes too, which I thought was very funny.
11:57
James Crosslin: Like they built, they built a bunch of props and shit for throwaways like the mcdonald's, like the mcdonald's giants that, like the whole wall is a mcdonald's advertisement and then the, the, the, uh, the, the employee leans out with like their whole cleveland showing they're like, dressed up like flight attendants I was like good, well, I love that, uh, ruby rod for just a minute there.
12:24
Ryan Baron North: So this thing came out in 97 and all the way up until 2015 it seemed like ruby rod didn't make sense.
12:35
Ryan Baron North: And then here comes tiktok, uh-huh and the return of this over the top.
12:42
Ryan Baron North: Let me stop you randomly to ask questions.
12:45
Ryan Baron North: You got like he has his cell phone is just this little piece that goes towards his mouth and he's got his boys and everything like that, and he is the next stage of what those dumbass tiktok interviews are be.
12:57
Ryan Baron North: They fucking nailed it.
12:59
Ryan Baron North: They nailed it.
13:01
James Crosslin: They did, absolutely nailed it.
13:02
James Crosslin: But I think the dumbass TikTok interviews have been a thing we don't watch.
13:07
James Crosslin: We don't watch entertainment television.
13:10
James Crosslin: I think they've been doing that on entertainment television for a while.
13:14
James Crosslin: So, like the E Channel and shit like that, they'll run up to stars and celebrities and ask them questions.
13:21
James Crosslin: Have you ever seen this is a plug for one that I do like have you seen Billy on the street?
13:27
James Crosslin: Do you know Billy Eichner?
13:28
James Crosslin: I mean, maybe if I saw him, he used to do like a celebrity and person on the street.
13:36
Ryan Baron North: Oh, you mean yes, yes, I, yes, yes, I do.
13:42
James Crosslin: I do remember him and I think, I think he really exemplified.
13:47
James Crosslin: He's almost like ruby rod, he's almost a ruby rod like character he's and I.
13:51
James Crosslin: I loved his show billy on the street.
13:53
Ryan Baron North: He's been doing it for like 10 years or whatever well, I I could see ruby rod is the year, I think what was it?
14:00
Ryan Baron North: 2500 in that region I don't know well, but yeah, you gotta, you got.
14:05
Ryan Baron North: If we like we did a spin-off movie on ruby rod, we would see him like tangling with the 500 years from now.
14:13
Ryan Baron North: Andrew tate um, we'd see him in the sort of like jake paul-esque, um, random fucking, just promos and shit like that.
14:26
Ryan Baron North: Instead of fighting mike tyson, he decided that he was going to bang princesses on the moon and yeah, and that, and that's what we have here and I I think that's fantastic.
14:36
Ryan Baron North: We created, they created a culture and they weren't far off at all yeah, seriously, they were not far off at all.
14:44
James Crosslin: And the militarized police, the uh like yeah, the hyper, I thought the hyper militarized police were really and and incompetent, right bumbling they, they nailed it, they did a lot of damage and didn't help anyone.
14:59
James Crosslin: No one, not like accurate fucking soul.
15:03
Ryan Baron North: Oh, they killed it.
15:03
Ryan Baron North: Well, it sounds like we're already getting into our, uh, our high thoughts here.
15:08
Ryan Baron North: I mean, I feel like we just, we fucking just jumped the fence and here we are.
15:13
Ryan Baron North: Yes, so let's pour one more.
15:16
Ryan Baron North: Out here is to the fifth element, nailing it more than I think they intended.
15:25
James Crosslin: I mean, there was obviously care that went into this movie, right, Someone cared about this movie and it really shows.
15:35
Ryan Baron North: Well, I wonder, I mean, is there any artist who starts developing portions of a dystopia, hoping that that's what goes down?
15:43
Ryan Baron North: Or you know, you think they're hoping.
15:46
Ryan Baron North: I don't think they're hoping.
15:47
Ryan Baron North: That's what I'm saying.
15:49
Ryan Baron North: Well, yeah, here's to us not becoming that dystopia, but most likely becoming that dystopia, Cheers.
16:00
James Crosslin: Oh my.
16:01
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, oh, that Knob Creek's got a lot of fucking flavor for this.
16:05
Ryan Baron North: Oh, that's 100 horsepower.
16:06
Ryan Baron North: I'm doing this for the fans, all of our thick kings out there.
16:11
Ryan Baron North: Um, that's uh triple c thick oh yeah, that's four shots now of 100 horsepower.
16:17
Ryan Baron North: I do it for you guys.
16:19
Ryan Baron North: All this drinking only for, only for you guys.
16:23
Ryan Baron North: Only for you guys.
16:24
Ryan Baron North: I don't know what's happened in my life anyway.
16:28
Ryan Baron North: So it's time now for part two.
16:30
Ryan Baron North: It's time to delve into our deep, high and drunk thoughts of this movie.
16:36
Ryan Baron North: We already started.
16:38
Ryan Baron North: No matter what we, it takes us three seconds to start heading towards the dystopia of what we're dealing with here.
16:44
Ryan Baron North: But here we are.
16:46
Ryan Baron North: So, james, what are your golden path thoughts?
16:52
James Crosslin: My thoughts on this movie.
16:54
James Crosslin: I think, yeah, we're really leaning toward talking about the dystopia in this portion.
16:59
James Crosslin: It's a very interesting dystopia they've built.
17:01
James Crosslin: It's a dystopia that I really enjoy, like when we played Shadowrun.
17:06
James Crosslin: It's almost like a Shadowrun-type setting where everything's ultra-corporatized, Everybody's simple pleasures are worse, I thought was a very interesting touch.
17:22
James Crosslin: Like the cigarettes, there's a there's.
17:25
James Crosslin: They're unenjoyable because there's a super long filter which ha very funny.
17:29
James Crosslin: Like that's not where it went.
17:30
James Crosslin: Um, I thought that was.
17:32
James Crosslin: I thought that was a very funny gag uh but the simple pleasure is less enjoyable.
17:38
James Crosslin: What other ones did I have?
17:40
James Crosslin: I had other examples, but I'm very high now, but everything was a little bit dirty.
17:49
James Crosslin: Yeah, everything was just a little bit like ah, there's just so much to do and there's so much that needs to be attended to and we've overbuilt ourselves.
18:00
James Crosslin: Yeah, I thought that was all really cool hyper corporatized.
18:04
James Crosslin: I love that there was a giant croquettes company like this company, gemini croquettes.
18:10
James Crosslin: I did not remember this, but that's the company that's giving away the trip that.
18:16
James Crosslin: That built that.
18:17
James Crosslin: Bruce willis wins and um, and they even have her like standing with a box of gemini croquettes and it's like a frozen croquettes brand is what all this is revolving around.
18:30
Ryan Baron North: They've been blasting her name on the radio for hours like this giant croquettes brand I love, uh, I love love where he's like you rigged the competition and the military's like old tricks are the best tricks.
18:45
Ryan Baron North: Well, for my drunken thought, I would like to just look at this man's apartment.
18:54
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, we didn't know what Uber was going to be yet, but if we had to update this the oh my God, 20 years, then he'd be an Uber driver.
19:08
Ryan Baron North: Right, he'd be a vet Uber driver.
19:11
Ryan Baron North: I love looking at his apartment.
19:14
Ryan Baron North: I love the automatic assumption that whatever relationship he was in didn't work.
19:20
Ryan Baron North: Oh, yeah, he's in this apartment.
19:24
Ryan Baron North: And then when, and so I would like to know.
19:28
Ryan Baron North: So when you had his prior commanding officer show up at his apartment, he says nice place.
19:35
Ryan Baron North: I would like to know if that was being facetious.
19:39
Ryan Baron North: I would like to know if that was being facetious.
19:40
Ryan Baron North: I would like to know if he meant that sincerely, because if he did mean it sincerely, I would accept that as well.
19:47
James Crosslin: I don't think he did.
19:48
James Crosslin: I don't think he did mean it sincerely, because later we get to see the priest's apartment and his apartment is much nicer, it's much roomier, that's true.
19:57
James Crosslin: Yeah, and cleaner it looks cleaner, that's roomier, that's true.
20:00
James Crosslin: Uh, yeah, and cleaner, it looks cleaner, that's true that's true.
20:03
Ryan Baron North: Well, I like how the money continues to just be in religion.
20:05
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, well, I guess just my drunken thought then is just a a feeling of understanding for this random fucking military vet living in a shitty apartment, you know sitting there talking about his.
20:26
Ryan Baron North: You know the things he's lost and all that kind of crap, and I love the cat who watches TV while he's away.
20:33
Ryan Baron North: Yeah is just so convenient, from the shower to the bed that makes itself to uh, just all these things that are automated for his just like hey, continue your drudgery, yeah, yeah I'm gonna make it easy for you to be miserable.
20:53
Ryan Baron North: Yes, let me ease your misery not by relieving the misery, but making it easier for you to be miserable I, you know I would be happy with that.
21:06
James Crosslin: Give me all the toys to make me to make to lessen my, my misery a little.
21:12
James Crosslin: Give me the tools.
21:13
Ryan Baron North: Give me the tools, dear god.
21:15
Ryan Baron North: That would, yes, yeah, if, if you know and this is, this is coming from a bunch of we're, I guess we're middle millennials, um are we, I don't know, yeah, we're middle millennials.
21:27
Ryan Baron North: The old, the elder millennials are in their 40s oh yeah but yeah, at this point, like when you're in your 20s, you're like no, I'm gonna find a way to beat this.
21:36
Ryan Baron North: And then, by the time you get to your mid-30s, it's just like give me the tools to be a part of this drudgery without so much pain.
21:49
James Crosslin: Dear god, it's crazy how your perspective changes over just a few years oh, it's insane, oh my god.
21:57
Ryan Baron North: I remember being a dumbass 20 something and just like, oh, oh, let's burn it down.
22:02
Ryan Baron North: And now I'm just like, oh my God, let me be in the fifth element.
22:05
Ryan Baron North: Make my bed for me, make it, make it automated.
22:11
Ryan Baron North: I don't have the time.
22:13
Ryan Baron North: Put those giant filters on my cigarettes.
22:17
Ryan Baron North: Those giant filters on my cigarettes.
22:20
Ryan Baron North: Forgive me a ruby rod and I'll listen to the radio for ruby rod.
22:26
Ryan Baron North: They still use radio and, dear god, let me meet Mila Kunis.
22:32
Ryan Baron North: Not Mila Kunis, jesus Christ.
22:34
Ryan Baron North: Mila Jovovich, I'll take a Mila Kunis too.
22:38
James Crosslin: Well, no, she just all that shit came out about that 70s show I think if you, if you probably, if you learn anything about mila jovovich, you wouldn't want to be with her either, probably not, but she's got a that outfit that's just strips of medical tape yeah, yeah, he uh uh.
22:57
James Crosslin: My friend who hadn't seen it was surprised.
22:59
James Crosslin: He was like I didn't know what that was.
23:02
James Crosslin: I didn't know it was just the thermal tape, because he'd seen the outfit.
23:06
James Crosslin: The outfit's like a cultural staple.
23:09
Ryan Baron North: Oh yeah, you go to any Comic-Con and you're going to find dudes dressed as Lilo.
23:13
James Crosslin: As Lilo.
23:14
Ryan Baron North: yeah, yeah, but he's like I didn't know that.
23:21
Ryan Baron North: It was just like the thermal tape from the machine.
23:22
Ryan Baron North: That's all it was.
23:22
Ryan Baron North: That's all.
23:23
Ryan Baron North: And what's wild is this is pg-13.
23:24
Ryan Baron North: But you see nip, oh yeah, you see lots of nips.
23:30
James Crosslin: I didn't own this movie.
23:31
James Crosslin: I think I might have only caught this movie on television.
23:35
James Crosslin: So I got the surprise.
23:36
James Crosslin: So I didn't really I didn't remember nips everywhere.
23:41
Ryan Baron North: Oh, let's go, yeah, no, no, yeah.
23:46
Ryan Baron North: For those of you who haven't watched this yet, mila jovovich circa 1997.
23:49
Ryan Baron North: Nip, yeah, there's your mr skin portion of this fucking show uh, fun joke that they did uh about that.
24:00
Ryan Baron North: Let's talk about, let's talk about joe mitch in 1997.
24:03
James Crosslin: Wait a second.
24:04
James Crosslin: What?
24:04
James Crosslin: When, uh, the general is like I'm just taking some pictures for the archives no, that's not the joke that I was gonna say that uh, yeah, yeah, that's priest, that's uh cornelius yeah, uh, ash from alien, his uh.
24:27
James Crosslin: Mila jovovich uh says, or uh, he, uh, he.
24:30
James Crosslin: He and mila jovovich talk about him posing as her husband and he goes.
24:34
James Crosslin: Oh no, I'm far too old.
24:36
James Crosslin: Bruce willis was 22 years older than mila joe fish when this movie was shot, but he was like 20 years old and he was able to get into a.
24:50
Ryan Baron North: Uh, okay, that fuck.
24:52
Ryan Baron North: Honestly, that gave me a lot of hope.
24:54
Ryan Baron North: If he was 42 there he's still able to helm this sci-fi fucking adventure.
25:01
Ryan Baron North: Oh, thank god I've accomplished nothing in my 34 years.
25:07
Ryan Baron North: I still got till I'm 42 where I look all right in a sleeveless but you're not a movie star, do you?
25:15
James Crosslin: do you still want to be a movie star?
25:16
James Crosslin: That?
25:17
Ryan Baron North: sounds terrible to me I'm.
25:19
Ryan Baron North: I'd still love it, but pull me out of this fucking drudgery Anytime, anytime.
25:25
James Crosslin: Alright, well, shit.
25:26
James Crosslin: What was I going to say?
25:27
James Crosslin: I don't remember.
25:28
James Crosslin: There's something else Bad relationships, more Should have chosen someone closer to her age.
25:39
Ryan Baron North: Let's talk about that for a minute.
25:40
Ryan Baron North: So, um, yeah, so yeah, she was only.
25:45
Ryan Baron North: Was she only 20 in this film?
25:48
James Crosslin: I think she was only 20 I'll double check, but anyway, continue your thought well, yeah, I mean.
25:55
Ryan Baron North: So.
25:55
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, there's definitely a.
25:58
Ryan Baron North: There's a point on one side of the aisle that you know two adults consent all that kind of thing.
26:06
James Crosslin: They started filming when she was 20.
26:07
James Crosslin: She was 22 when it came out.
26:11
Ryan Baron North: But like I'm not going to hold it against either of them, the role like.
26:16
Ryan Baron North: So, if I was a 20 year old man and we were in a society that was dominated by females, I was offered this role.
26:26
Ryan Baron North: The wolf in question.
26:29
Ryan Baron North: She's in her 40s yeah I'm gonna fucking do it.
26:32
Ryan Baron North: I'm gonna fucking do it.
26:33
Ryan Baron North: I don't, I don't judge me, uh, mila, at all.
26:37
Ryan Baron North: Well, you, shouldn't.
26:39
James Crosslin: That's not.
26:40
James Crosslin: That wasn't what I was saying at all.
26:42
James Crosslin: There's no instance where Will I judge?
26:46
Ryan Baron North: I guess Brusina, brusina Willius, maybe a little, maybe a little.
26:53
James Crosslin: It's also not him, it's also the Hollywood structure.
26:57
Ryan Baron North: It's the structure.
26:57
Ryan Baron North: So no, I would judge neither of them.
27:00
Ryan Baron North: But at the same time I wouldn't want to take away the freedom of a 20-year-old to bang the shit out of a 90-year-old because they want a house.
27:10
Ryan Baron North: You know, this economy is fucked up.
27:13
James Crosslin: Yeah, and this dystopia is an extension of our current fucked up socioeconomic, own socioeconomic system yeah, it's like if what we have now just kept going exactly, and it's kind of surreal and it's also what's gonna happen.
27:27
Ryan Baron North: That's what's gonna happen there's no event I predict on the horizon that is going to stop this train of events we are on.
27:36
Ryan Baron North: We as as a society, don't stop anything until utter catastrophe.
27:43
James Crosslin: They had the lower city portion.
27:45
James Crosslin: You know, a common trope in futuristic dystopian sci-fi Is that part yeah?
27:50
James Crosslin: They had a lower city that didn't get sunlight, that had trash everywhere.
27:58
Ryan Baron North: Oh yeah, no, and we could do a whole film.
28:01
Ryan Baron North: We could pick a couple characters, we could throw in a love interest and we could do a film on people, because you know there's people living down there.
28:11
James Crosslin: Yeah, oh yeah.
28:12
James Crosslin: There's people living down there and it really sucks for them.
28:15
Ryan Baron North: And that movie would be rated R.
28:17
James Crosslin: Yeah, for sure.
28:19
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, without a doubt.
28:21
Ryan Baron North: You know there is a culture beneath the smog.
28:24
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, and it's really desperate, super, fucking desperate.
28:30
Ryan Baron North: You know it's like.
28:32
Ryan Baron North: I mean this new Fallout series has come out and the entire fucking theme of the new Fallout series was everything's fine until you got to survive.
28:42
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, and yes, people make choices, uh, when they get desperate yeah, yeah, no, and I I don't blame any of them um.
28:56
Ryan Baron North: Desperation is a wild fucking thing.
29:00
James Crosslin: Yeah, yeah, feeling desperate really affects your body and mind.
29:05
Ryan Baron North: Without a doubt, no, you'll.
29:06
Ryan Baron North: You'll feel yeah, no.
29:09
Ryan Baron North: When desperation kicks in, you will do things that you wouldn't have done yesterday.
29:14
James Crosslin: Yeah.
29:14
James Crosslin: Your body goes into your body goes into fight and flight.
29:17
James Crosslin: You have like physical reactions when you're feeling desperate.
29:20
James Crosslin: Yeah, it's kind of it's.
29:23
James Crosslin: It's one of the reasons that, like conservatives, flip out when they hear that their life is going to change in some way.
29:32
James Crosslin: They have like a physical reaction, it's a desperation, and the problem is they don't have any discipline, right, they don't have any discipline about what triggers these feelings of desperation.
29:43
James Crosslin: And, uh and and that's what triggers their freak outs is that feeling of desperation?
29:51
Ryan Baron North: Um, without a doubt, and if you like, so I I'll think of um.
29:55
Ryan Baron North: I mean, let's talk about, like the Faustian bargain, where you find yourself at this point of desperation where you're thematically willing to sell your soul, um, and that that's what it is, and people who've never been at that point where you're willing to sort of like, give it all, I don't care, I just give it all to stop the pain, to stop the hurt, to let me survive in this fucking world.
30:26
Ryan Baron North: We'll never understand that concept, but it's a very, very real concept.
30:35
Ryan Baron North: Yeah.
30:37
James Crosslin: We can all imagine it.
30:38
James Crosslin: We can all imagine getting to that point.
30:43
James Crosslin: I'm not actually sure we can all imagine it.
30:45
James Crosslin: I think that this is the thing that really separates a lot of people in humanity is that some people are just really bad at empathizing and putting themselves in other people's shoes yes, and so they have trouble actually relating to those people and these futuristic situations and how they're analogous to our current situations.
31:17
Ryan Baron North: survival and the desire to survive could come in so many different forms.
31:23
Ryan Baron North: What?
31:23
Ryan Baron North: What is a terrible thing happening to one person might not feel the same to another person.
31:31
Ryan Baron North: I mean, like, just take any given situation and some people, their experiences and their pasts, allow them to deal with it better than the person who's standing next to them yeah and that.
31:45
James Crosslin: And that doesn't say that one person is better than another person.
31:48
James Crosslin: It just says you two people are different and for one of you, this is for this situation.
31:54
James Crosslin: It is very difficult for you.
31:56
James Crosslin: I should help you and then you'll help me when my very difficult situation comes up, because maybe you handle that better and that's all we have to do Exactly.
32:07
Ryan Baron North: I mean, you and I have been friends for 20 years and I think we've seen just in each other.
32:13
Ryan Baron North: Different situations affect us vastly differently.
32:18
James Crosslin: Yeah, that's true vastly differently.
32:25
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, that's true, you know like I mean for me.
32:26
Ryan Baron North: Uh, you know, my original divorce, for example, was put me into a mentally life or death situation of just pure and utter despair.
32:34
Ryan Baron North: But then you'll meet someone who, like, experienced life in such a way where, if they recognize that something needs to be let go of, they just do yeah.
32:48
Ryan Baron North: And it's not a question of the situation itself, it's a question of the person and what they have been.
32:55
Ryan Baron North: I don't want to say bread, but like how their experiences have shaped them.
33:02
Ryan Baron North: Exactly, exactly, and so it just comes down to the experiences that you've had and how they defer to the person next to you.
33:10
Ryan Baron North: So you might be, so a flood might hit emotionally and you're five feet tall, the water is six feet tall.
33:17
Ryan Baron North: A person who's seven foot tall isn't going to experience it the same way that you are yeah, and they could give you a hand.
33:25
James Crosslin: But when there's like low hanging branches, you can.
33:30
Ryan Baron North: You can pull them down that's right, and so they don't get there alone yeah, you can pull them down to help them.
33:38
James Crosslin: Not see, we all have different experiences.
33:40
James Crosslin: It's like, uh, it's like that stupid uh meme with all the animals, and they're like all right, we're gonna judge how great everyone is by climbing a tree.
33:48
James Crosslin: And the monkey's like fuck yeah, the fish is like oh, no, um, and it's that simple empathy that I think I don't.
33:55
James Crosslin: I think there's some people out there who can't even draw that analogy, where they're like people from different backgrounds have different strengths.
34:02
James Crosslin: When you ask them to do different things, they're just like oh no, obviously the monkey wins this one.
34:05
Ryan Baron North: The monkey should rule society well, hold on a minute, let's think about this, exactly, exactly, and and yeah, no, and that's, that's definitely.
34:19
Ryan Baron North: I don't even know if we're talking about fifth element anymore at this point.
34:22
James Crosslin: Jesus christ, um, it's about the amazing dystopia they built.
34:25
James Crosslin: All of these things are like true in this dystopia.
34:29
James Crosslin: They've done a really amazing job.
34:31
Ryan Baron North: They built a world.
34:32
Ryan Baron North: They did.
34:33
Ryan Baron North: They built a fantastic world um the world that is too reflective of our world.
34:40
Ryan Baron North: It is incredibly reflective, and what's so fucking wild about it is that there's no source book.
34:46
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, you know, like if you have a company these days who puts this level of effort into this universe, you're going to walk into a fucking comic shop or you're going to walk into a game store and you could pick up the source book and you could like dive in to every little niche of this universe.
35:11
Ryan Baron North: And that's what's so wild, I guess, about 1997, is that?
35:16
Ryan Baron North: No, we did that for an hour and a half, just.
35:20
Ryan Baron North: Eventually Chris Tucker shows up.
35:24
James Crosslin: Yes, that's so true.
35:25
James Crosslin: This was just a one product thing.
35:29
James Crosslin: I mean, maybe they put out action figures and stuff.
35:31
James Crosslin: I bet they tried to get products.
35:34
James Crosslin: I haven't seen any of them.
35:35
James Crosslin: We'll have to swing through eBay.
35:37
Ryan Baron North: Yeah.
35:37
James Crosslin: I haven't seen any of them.
35:39
James Crosslin: But yeah, it's like a one-off thing, and then they built a huge world about it.
35:43
Ryan Baron North: And speaking of dead fandoms, yeah, we're the last podcast that still checks on eBay to see what's going on eBay's pretty good for some things, but I don't use it right.
35:54
Ryan Baron North: Who does?
35:54
Ryan Baron North: I don't know anyone who does everyone's Facebook marketplace now yeah, I don't know.
36:00
Ryan Baron North: I don't know either.
36:03
James Crosslin: I think it was something car parts I think car parts are ebay's good for say what it is now.
36:11
Ryan Baron North: I don't know.
36:11
James Crosslin: Jesus culture and the way we move and maneuver is just so bizarre yeah, it's really hard to predict, but fifth element built a great reflection that seems, uh, seems possible.
36:28
Ryan Baron North: Seems possible for us to end up in this world and even though it's like surreal and crazy so I mean, I guess 20 years is still sort of a small shot, but 20 years later they definitely fucking nailed it yeah the only thing they missed on is that they didn't realize the cigarette filter wasn't gonna get bigger.
36:50
Ryan Baron North: Just eventually we'd be sucking on a computer right.
36:55
James Crosslin: Yeah, they really that.
36:56
James Crosslin: You're right.
36:56
James Crosslin: That's exactly where they failed, is?
36:58
James Crosslin: They didn't they kept, they still did a bunch of analog things, uh, instead of just making everything computerized.
37:04
James Crosslin: Uh, that's exactly right.
37:06
James Crosslin: Or they mentioned a phone book.
37:09
Ryan Baron North: They mentioned the phone book, said that, said that you live here, which I found very funny well, I choose to believe that in 25 whatever there is an app called phone book, and that's what they're referring to.
37:26
Ryan Baron North: It's an app that you throw on to your whatever's implanted into your eyeball and it it shows you where people you're interested in stalking live.
37:38
Ryan Baron North: Because mark zuckerberg won that one case back in 2200.
37:44
James Crosslin: Yeah he's allowed to.
37:46
James Crosslin: They're actually allowed to put ads in your dreams.
37:49
Ryan Baron North: You signed, you agreed to the terms and conditions by being born exactly yeah, as a baby, you're about to be pushed out of the womb and there's a thing where it's like do you accept the terms and conditions?
38:04
James Crosslin: of your life.
38:05
James Crosslin: He was born at meta hospital.
38:11
Ryan Baron North: Yeah and saint saint meta, saint meta and the baby's just like moving its hands and doctor it hits, doctor.
38:21
Ryan Baron North: That's a confirmation you saw it, you saw it.
38:23
Ryan Baron North: If you hit yes, you get to be born, and if you accidentally hit no, you're just launched into a river of sludge oh Jesus Christ.
38:34
Ryan Baron North: It turns into a religious ritual, like if the gods will determine that the baby in question hits with its right hand and accepts the terms and agreements.
38:46
Ryan Baron North: Wow, I just said a really dark thing that I think might happen one day it might happen.
38:55
James Crosslin: It might happen that you know it's already what we do with governments like states, like the state, not like you know whatever, like the state government.
39:04
James Crosslin: When you're born in a place, they're like okay, you, having been born, have contractually agreed to be a citizen of this country, yeah, and, and you now have to follow all of the rules that we put forth, and if you do anything wrong, we might kill you about it.
39:21
James Crosslin: And corporations are the same.
39:24
James Crosslin: You know they rely on governments and they rely on governments, and they're entertained, they're entangled with legality so much that they might as well just be extensions of governments yeah, well, and it's nothing new.
39:38
Ryan Baron North: We've been doing this since the 10th century.
39:42
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, I mean, the first fucking metacorporation was just the ability for you to work the farmland of a person who was born above your station.
39:55
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, and it just hasn't stopped.
40:00
Ryan Baron North: It just hasn't stopped.
40:03
Ryan Baron North: It just hasn't stopped.
40:04
Ryan Baron North: Uh, serfdom and all that kind of thing, it just hasn't stopped there were some benefits of serfdom that we've lost.
40:12
James Crosslin: Yeah, there was this thing in serfdom which was an agreement between the lower class and the nobility, and part of serfdom.
40:19
James Crosslin: This agreement was that there were public lands where if there was no one living there or whatever, you could just make a house there because it was for the public to live on and farm and stuff, and you'd make an agreement with yourself and your neighbors and your community that that was the best use of that land.
40:41
James Crosslin: And we've lost that, that is gone.
40:45
James Crosslin: I mean, now you have eminent domain yeah, well, I'm sure I think back then they probably had it too well, yeah, it was just whoever had more guys and, yeah, more stabbing implements.
40:57
James Crosslin: But at least they were like and no one's using that land.
41:01
Ryan Baron North: You should, yeah, build them you should have the house, but eventually someone with guys and knives is gonna come around and it's like, honestly, what the fuck is the difference, the only fucking difference, is that we get to live longer yeah but I mean, if longer hoor.
41:19
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, we get to do it for longer.
41:20
Ryan Baron North: We get to benefit the system longer.
41:22
Ryan Baron North: Um, welcome to high and dry.
41:25
James Crosslin: What's quickly becoming an anarchist podcast.
41:28
James Crosslin: I'm tired.
41:29
James Crosslin: I'm so tired, oh, I'm so tired, oh my God, I've identified as an anarchist for a long time.
41:38
James Crosslin: I uh, it's tough, it's tough, it's tough living in this world it really is.
41:44
James Crosslin: It's tough to always have this stress of being ruled hanging over you.
41:54
James Crosslin: It feels bad.
41:57
Ryan Baron North: And life could be better, I feel, if we didn't have to feel this.
41:59
Ryan Baron North: I will say if we're going to be Again this podcast is talking about the fifth element, but anyway it's relevant.
42:04
Ryan Baron North: I've gotten to the point where I understand that if we do finally achieve that in this anarchist society, james, you should probably go ahead and kill me.
42:19
James Crosslin: Okay.
42:20
Ryan Baron North: Just put one oh there will be purges.
42:23
Ryan Baron North: Put one in the back of my brain because I am dangerous.
42:28
James Crosslin: Yeah, people will notice that you're clawing for power pretty early.
42:33
Ryan Baron North: You don't have to worry about it.
42:34
James Crosslin: Someone's going to kill you, if not me, then some other comrade.
42:40
Ryan Baron North: Well, that's what we said about, uh, society since the beginning is that someone will recognize us and take me out.
42:46
Ryan Baron North: But no, I will quickly become a cult leader, becoming a leader, becoming just fucking emperor.
42:52
James Crosslin: So, james, kill me we have to have an agreement where you kill yourself well then you I mean you're gonna, so then that's, we all stand around it's a ceremony.
43:04
Ryan Baron North: It's a ceremony where you kill yourself and it's gonna be that scene where, yeah, we agreed on this, but I've become too evil yeah, you know coming up in a a few days you ready, you ready well, yeah, james, of course I am, and but oh, it's so I don't know like when, when does the good guy kick in?
43:36
James Crosslin: um, your murder squads have done a lot of good for the people, exactly, but it's time to end them.
43:44
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, and you know, it's that scene where you're like, hey, you agreed that you'd kill yourself as you're being dragged away by my murder squad.
43:55
Ryan Baron North: Hey, you said, man, I'm like, eh, society had to change eventually.
44:07
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, that's every military coup in history exactly and how do you, how do you prevent that?
44:15
Ryan Baron North: I don't know, because because the people who have that level of charisma, that level of drive, that level of desire that all those things will eventually reach the point where it's like I need to die, and they're going to be like.
44:30
Ryan Baron North: But I'm not going to, though I'm never going to die, especially not on a bicycle.
44:35
James Crosslin: That is the show thing.
44:38
Ryan Baron North: That's the problem.
44:40
Ryan Baron North: That's the problem.
44:42
Ryan Baron North: That's the problem, yeah, it comes down to.
44:44
Ryan Baron North: The problem is that we're a bunch of fucking half monkeys.
44:46
Ryan Baron North: Um that are.
44:49
Ryan Baron North: You know, some of us are never satisfied exactly, exactly, and I don't, yeah, and it doesn't make me better to acknowledge the fact, because eventually I'll be standing there and I'm going to do what a monkey does.
45:07
James Crosslin: Yeah.
45:08
Ryan Baron North: We have to.
45:08
James Crosslin: We have to, I think, for our species to survive.
45:11
James Crosslin: We have to kill off everyone who has the trait of never being satisfied.
45:16
Ryan Baron North: Yeah.
45:16
James Crosslin: And they all have to die yeah.
45:21
Ryan Baron North: Well, I when, when, sorry when you guys finally win I'll look at, look up at you as you're, you're being crowned and I'm like, I'm like, oh shit damn you fuck.
45:40
Ryan Baron North: I'm like oh shit, damn Fuck You're supposed to be the one, and it was just the long con.
45:50
James Crosslin: Oh yeah, that's right.
45:51
James Crosslin: Eventually, I'm never satisfied.
45:53
James Crosslin: Also, it just takes a little longer.
45:58
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, like fuck that is.
46:00
Ryan Baron North: That's the darkest shit we've ever said.
46:02
Ryan Baron North: Oh yeah, that's the darkest shit ever Listen people.
46:09
James Crosslin: This is why you have to build horizontal structures of power.
46:11
James Crosslin: Nobody's allowed to be more powerful than another person.
46:14
James Crosslin: That's just the rule, and if anyone says that they need more power, everyone just grab a knife and kill that person.
46:21
James Crosslin: That's how society has to work.
46:27
Ryan Baron North: I was talking to someone the other day, so I'm trapped in the Midwestern portion of this country right now, and I was talking to someone the other day, and there is just this ingrained belief that horizontal structure powers don't work.
46:47
Ryan Baron North: But it's like have you ever been on?
46:50
James Crosslin: it.
46:50
James Crosslin: Have you ever had co-workers?
46:52
James Crosslin: Have you have you ever had co-workers where you had to solve the task and nobody was around to boss you around or give you advice?
47:00
James Crosslin: All you do is you talk through problems and come to solutions.
47:04
Ryan Baron North: It's so easy but we, we just can't.
47:08
Ryan Baron North: We just it's been so ingrained now by, I guess, historically religious extremism and all those sorts of things that, holy shit.
47:22
Ryan Baron North: We're talking about the fifth element, so with that being, religious extremism is part of the fifth element yeah, well, I mean, I guess, and ideological murder squads are also part of the fifth element.
47:39
Ryan Baron North: We just shouldn't have sci-fis on this show, I think um, because this quickly turns into there's, there's some good side we we loved total recall and well I love total recall and I had a great conversation about that dystopia too.
47:54
Ryan Baron North: Total recall was a fantastic episode.
47:57
Ryan Baron North: If, yeah, if, our thick Kings listening right now.
48:00
Ryan Baron North: I haven't watched the uh uh, total recall episode.
48:04
Ryan Baron North: Definitely go back into the archives on that one, um I thought this was really funny, like I.
48:13
James Crosslin: I know you're saying like this really dark, it's dark humor we.
48:15
James Crosslin: I think it was funny, I think we had a good time well, I'm just thinking that we ourselves are dark at this point.
48:23
James Crosslin: Oh um, well, we've always been dark, yeah, and if we've been simply light-hearted people, yeah, that's true.
48:32
James Crosslin: We've always enjoyed dark comedy and stuff.
48:36
James Crosslin: We have dark we.
48:39
Ryan Baron North: Well, I mean, I'm not trying to blow smoke up my own ass, but we're empirically intelligent.
48:47
Ryan Baron North: I mean intelligence leads to unhappiness.
48:54
James Crosslin: Well, it can do that.
48:55
James Crosslin: Yeah, I feel like there's another side where people even smarter than us are happy again.
49:04
Ryan Baron North: So you think it's like the what's that graph?
49:08
James Crosslin: called Just a wave, just a standard deviation of unhappiness and intelligence.
49:16
James Crosslin: And I think, once the smart people, once you get so smart again, I think things become happier because you can like see the big, you can see the big picture better so we're intelligent enough to not be happy.
49:35
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, we're not intelligent enough to see an even broader picture?
49:41
James Crosslin: I can see a big enough picture that leads me to an inevitable nihilism right because you're like this is too much right, you're like this is too much, is unsolvable and I can't get a grasp on it.
49:57
James Crosslin: And I think there's people who are smart enough to have a grasp on it and feel better well, it just sucks that they weren't the ones put in charge yeah, they feel better again, they don't have this emptiness inside them that they have to fill, and those are the kinds of people that our culture gives power to are the people who have an emptiness that is never, that is unfillable I'm gonna kill so many people and then on their deathbed, they're like I only wish I'd killed more people.
50:35
James Crosslin: I'm still empty.
50:39
James Crosslin: I'm still empty.
50:41
Ryan Baron North: And that's the perfect shout out to go into our third and final portion of this.
50:49
James Crosslin: That was Gary Oldman.
50:50
James Crosslin: Right, that was Gary.
50:51
Ryan Baron North: Oldman in the movie.
50:52
Ryan Baron North: That was who he was Exactly.
50:54
James Crosslin: He was like.
50:54
Ryan Baron North: I have this void inside me that I'm smart enough to have, but I'm not smart enough to get over, right.
51:02
Ryan Baron North: So time for the third portion of this, the fifth element, 1997, mila Jovovich and Chris Rock.
51:12
James Crosslin: Oh, that's right.
51:12
James Crosslin: We do have a whole nother segment.
51:15
Ryan Baron North: Yes, it is time now.
51:17
James Crosslin: Not Chris Rock, Chris Tucker.
51:18
Ryan Baron North: I know that was the joke, okay, yeah, so it's now time for our third portion.
51:24
Ryan Baron North: What If?
51:25
Ryan Baron North: So, james, you have been inserted into the fifth element.
51:29
Ryan Baron North: How does this film change?
51:33
James Crosslin: Okay, so immediately I have to choose which character I'm going to take the place of, and I'm pretty sure I'm Luke Perry.
51:42
James Crosslin: So Luke Perry is in the first five minutes of this movie.
51:48
James Crosslin: He's holding the light he's holding.
51:50
James Crosslin: No, he's not holding the light, he's drawing.
51:52
Ryan Baron North: He's not even holding the light, he's just sketching.
51:55
James Crosslin: He's sketching, he's like he's hanging around, he's like a student or something.
51:58
James Crosslin: He shoots one of the aliens because he's scared and confused and he's from the 19th century or whatever.
52:07
James Crosslin: And then he probably goes on to just live a pretty regular life and he gets to tell everyone that he saw aliens and shit.
52:18
James Crosslin: That's where I'd be in the movie and what I'd do.
52:20
James Crosslin: Different is I'd not shoot the alien and that's the end of my contribution.
52:26
James Crosslin: Luke Perry and I'd solve the whole movie because I didn't shoot that alien.
52:36
Ryan Baron North: And this yeah, no, it'd be fine.
52:38
Ryan Baron North: Like, no, just keep this here.
52:40
Ryan Baron North: Eventually, an asteroid will show up, a human scared of shit that's different than them, doesn't prevail, and all you got to do.
52:50
Ryan Baron North: I'm going to explain to you now, you don't even have to figure it out.
52:54
Ryan Baron North: Just when this meteor comes 500 years from now, hit this button, hit this button.
52:58
Ryan Baron North: Hit this button, hit this button and then hit this button and it's going to go away.
53:03
James Crosslin: Yeah, that's all It'd be.
53:05
James Crosslin: It'd be great.
53:06
James Crosslin: That's what I do, differently as Luke Perry, I would not shoot the alien and we'd have it all explained and, uh, the crisis averted.
53:14
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, there'd be no movie.
53:16
Ryan Baron North: Uh yeah that'd be, that'd be my movie.
53:28
Ryan Baron North: No, no movie.
53:28
Ryan Baron North: Well, no, even so, with you, all we would then have is a source book where the dystopia doesn't stop.
53:33
Ryan Baron North: You just enable the dystopia right.
53:39
James Crosslin: Yeah, I didn't.
53:39
James Crosslin: I didn't enable the dystopia.
53:41
James Crosslin: The dystopia was going to happen either way.
53:43
Ryan Baron North: But I did stop a catastrophe much easier.
53:45
Ryan Baron North: You just made it, so the dystopia has no chance of ever being derailed.
53:56
James Crosslin: Yeah, yeah, there you go.
54:01
Ryan Baron North: Hell yeah, brother.
54:02
Ryan Baron North: Oh my God, oh man there you go Enjoy.
54:10
Ryan Baron North: This dystopia is just now more comfortable in its own skin.
54:17
James Crosslin: It reduced the misery a little, and that's what I was aiming for.
54:24
Ryan Baron North: the perfect dystopia.
54:25
Ryan Baron North: Aziz had it a little earlier, back in 1932.
54:30
Ryan Baron North: Oh, the doctor doesn't die.
54:31
Ryan Baron North: It's all great.
54:31
Ryan Baron North: He's busy collecting egyptian artifacts for the british museum.
54:33
Ryan Baron North: He passes all of his information along to everyone so they know this is exactly when he's busy collecting Egyptian artifacts for the British museum.
54:42
James Crosslin: He passes all of his information along to everyone, so they know this is exactly when this is going to happen.
54:47
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, Yep and McDonald's now has just fucking unfettered access to society.
54:56
James Crosslin: That was so funny, man, and all the pre-made, the pre-made burgers in the truck.
55:01
James Crosslin: When they collided with the truck, all the burgers were made, or they don't even cook them there anymore.
55:06
James Crosslin: No, no, it's all just.
55:08
James Crosslin: Yeah, you get them delivered.
55:10
James Crosslin: Oh my god um anyway, how about, how about you?
55:14
Ryan Baron North: well for me, um well, I mean just speaking on all this, uh like, no, I definitely have uh main character syndrome, um, without a doubt, and the problem with me.
55:27
James Crosslin: So you're Mila Jovovich.
55:31
Ryan Baron North: No, not even I would never spend more than one night in a priest's house, oh shit.
55:41
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, no, no, again, I'd be fucking Bruce Willis, but I guess what would just change is that I'm a little more intelligent, right?
55:56
Ryan Baron North: I mean, I guess you'd have that.
56:01
Ryan Baron North: I mean, well, I have to look at her not as Mila Jovovich, but as the supreme being, right, yeah, because, like you, tell me that there's a 20 year old who's trying to get with me and I'm like hell no hell, fucking.
56:14
Ryan Baron North: No, I don't have enough time.
56:18
James Crosslin: I I don't have the fucking space in my life I have a note here that a gruff divorced man finds a young beautiful fish out of water who relies on him for everything, and that's real divorced man porn.
56:33
Ryan Baron North: Oh my God, without a doubt.
56:35
Ryan Baron North: But no me, I'm smart enough to know.
56:37
Ryan Baron North: Like no, that will turn my life into a living hell.
56:40
Ryan Baron North: Like yeah, this is very hot.
56:44
Ryan Baron North: I don't know why they put us in the same fucking healing pod.
56:48
Ryan Baron North: They don't have more than one pod.
56:50
Ryan Baron North: They wanted to watch her.
56:53
Ryan Baron North: They wanted to watch us Fuck.
56:55
James Crosslin: Yeah, Everyone all people could talk about is how perfect her fucking body was.
57:00
James Crosslin: It's like four times People called her body Perfect Like, calm down, you're already showing her tits, you don't have to reference them every five minutes oh, yeah, no, and they love to do it.
57:17
Ryan Baron North: They love to do it, um, I mean the general of the new american army.
57:22
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, remember, kids c's are great, but but your high A's, low B's don't sag.
57:29
Ryan Baron North: And that's what the movie was about.
57:34
Ryan Baron North: Essentially.
57:34
Ryan Baron North: That's all they were.
57:38
James Crosslin: That's what your version's about.
57:39
James Crosslin: That's what they're.
57:41
James Crosslin: You really lean in even more on just about her tits in the whole movie.
57:46
James Crosslin: You've created a softcore porn.
57:49
Ryan Baron North: That's all this was, and so, all right, insert me here real quick.
57:55
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, no, I I would definitely completely empathize with this shitty apartment that I'm trying to find happiness within, and that's where it would start to alter me and bruce willis are different in that I'm sitting over here trying to be good in some way, I'm trying to find what's next for me and improve myself, and then, when all the death starts happening, I think I would be much more stealthy, like I'm not about to just like accept that I'm bulletproof.
58:43
Ryan Baron North: That's not happening.
58:44
Ryan Baron North: Well, that's Bruce.
58:45
James Crosslin: Willis.
58:46
Ryan Baron North: Exactly.
58:47
James Crosslin: Like a tractual requirement.
58:49
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, and so, like me, like would be this Corbin Dallas who had spent the last five to 10 years going to therapy.
58:59
Ryan Baron North: I'm this messed up, I'm this dark, I'm all these things.
59:03
Ryan Baron North: How do I stop this, please?
59:05
Ryan Baron North: Because, dear God, I would like to sleep, sleep one night, eight straight hours, without drugs or alcohol.
59:10
Ryan Baron North: How do I do that?
59:13
Ryan Baron North: And then, when the death and violence starts happening again, it would not be this full frontal assault, it would be very intelligent uses of firearms and just so you would see these, um, what were they called the?
59:29
Ryan Baron North: What's this enemy bulldog looking alien race?
59:34
James Crosslin: I don't remember what they're called.
59:35
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, whoever they are, they'd be doing their thing, and then it would be very surgical murder and death.
59:44
Ryan Baron North: Um, like, I'm not about to charge in, like, with the hostage situation no, I'm not about to charge in at all, I'm just.
59:54
Ryan Baron North: All of a sudden they would start dropping from bullets and various war crimes that an intelligent person would use because he doesn't want to die.
1:00:05
James Crosslin: Yeah, bruce willis is really bullet, everyone's bulletproof in this yeah, except for except for lilu, because it had to be part of the story no, she had to have a vulnerability yeah, otherwise how?
1:00:20
Ryan Baron North: could you ever fall in love with a woman who's invulnerable?
1:00:25
James Crosslin: yeah, that really.
1:00:26
James Crosslin: That really puts her above you and you can't have that kind of have that.
1:00:30
Ryan Baron North: That's yeah, we can't.
1:00:31
Ryan Baron North: She's got to be crying an event somewhere eventually.
1:00:33
Ryan Baron North: Um right, yeah, no.
1:00:35
Ryan Baron North: And that's where my what if would change.
1:00:37
Ryan Baron North: She would be the invincible one and I would be the divorce you get rescued by her who does some really evil shit not to get shot there you go, that's what it would be, and then she'd be looking at me and I'd be looking at her and like, yeah, we're incompatible, aren't we?
1:00:57
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, she's like I don't think I can love you.
1:01:01
James Crosslin: Like, yeah, no, I feel that I can't either and then, and then, and then zorg's plan ends up working.
1:01:10
James Crosslin: The evil does destroy, like billions of people.
1:01:13
James Crosslin: Yeah.
1:01:14
James Crosslin: Yeah, cause you couldn't experience love.
1:01:23
Ryan Baron North: I get it Damn.
1:01:37
James Crosslin: Damn damn fuck, oh shit now I get it I really shouldn't be in a been in charge in the falling in love part Someone else.
1:01:51
James Crosslin: I'm so goddamn broken.
1:01:54
Ryan Baron North: Ruby, you seem to love Like I'm.
1:01:58
Ryan Baron North: So I'm broken, but I'm not broken enough to be narcissistic.
1:02:02
Ryan Baron North: And now we're all going to pay for that.
1:02:06
Ryan Baron North: Sorry, everybody, I had just enough self-awareness to understand that I shouldn't be in a relationship with her, and now billions of people are going to die.
1:02:18
James Crosslin: Well, it was the not putting yourself in her shoes.
1:02:21
James Crosslin: From her perspective, if you want her to love her, you should live the kind of life that someone she would love would live, and that's a life of goodness and attempting to help people, yeah, and not being cruel.
1:02:37
Ryan Baron North: that's very incompatible well and I think, but no, I think the tragedy of it.
1:02:43
Ryan Baron North: I mean I could say easily, easily, one of my biggest problems is that I keep pouring myself into everyone else's glasses so they're okay and there's nothing fucking left of me.
1:02:57
James Crosslin: I mean, I was, I was talking about this assessment of why your characters were incompatible.
1:03:02
James Crosslin: If she was invulnerable and there was like no way for any kind of coercion of any kind, like the reason you two are incompatible is because you weren't the type of person that she wanted, right, that's the thing.
1:03:15
James Crosslin: Is she someone needed to to experience love with this person and you weren't the kind of person for her.
1:03:22
James Crosslin: But she wants someone who is like, because you specifically talked about doing war crimes and she would look at that and go I don't want to be with that person well, that's not true.
1:03:32
Ryan Baron North: That's not true.
1:03:32
Ryan Baron North: Lulu literally looks up war and then falls, then starts making out with a soldier.
1:03:37
Ryan Baron North: What?
1:03:37
James Crosslin: she.
1:03:38
James Crosslin: I think she looked up war and cried like she was like there's no love falls for the dude who murders them all, but he's not does it without.
1:03:45
James Crosslin: He is like that's how he handles this cruel.
1:03:50
Ryan Baron North: That's how he handles a hostage situation walks in and puts a bullet in someone's forehead that's not cruel, that's violent.
1:03:59
James Crosslin: There's there's righteous violence, but you said you were doing war crimes and shit which is like torture, and no, no, no, no.
1:04:07
Ryan Baron North: I mean it in terms of I have to survive this, I need to survive this, I need to save everyone, and I'm going to do some terrible things to make that happen, because I know I'm not bulletproof.
1:04:23
James Crosslin: Yeah.
1:04:25
Ryan Baron North: That's what I mean.
1:04:25
James Crosslin: You're also right that Leeloo wouldn't love that.
1:04:28
Ryan Baron North: She wouldn't love that, but she also wouldn't love Bruce Willis.
1:04:32
James Crosslin: Leeloo is willing to fight and kill people.
1:04:34
James Crosslin: She murders a bunch of those aliens who came to stop her.
1:04:38
James Crosslin: She's like a paladin.
1:04:40
Ryan Baron North: Well then, I think what would happen then.
1:04:43
Ryan Baron North: I think what I think the key change then put me into the what if?
1:04:47
Ryan Baron North: Is that I would be sitting there struggling with just what occurred, and so I think that she bangs Bruce Willis, but I think she falls in love with me.
1:05:01
Ryan Baron North: I think there is a fifth element to where there's a person who did these fucking things but also looks at war, like she did, and starts to cry.
1:05:12
Ryan Baron North: Bruce willis wouldn't look up war and start to cry hell.
1:05:15
Ryan Baron North: No, he's like fucking masculinity.
1:05:16
Ryan Baron North: I did what I had to do.
1:05:17
Ryan Baron North: Um, I think me and her would have more in common than bruce willis and her did interesting.
1:05:26
James Crosslin: Yeah, I don't know I I I'm not in the character's head.
1:05:30
Ryan Baron North: I have no idea yeah, I mean like I'd be sitting next to her going, yeah, this fucking is terrible, and we'd be lost in our fucking feels.
1:05:38
Ryan Baron North: And bruce willis is like, yeah, it's all terrible, but like fucking, that was really cool, wasn't it was he like, that was really cool well, no, his whole answer to that was just well, yeah, we do all those terrible things, but what about love?
1:05:54
James Crosslin: yeah, that's true yeah and yeah.
1:05:57
Ryan Baron North: That's what I'm saying, and that's what I'm saying.
1:05:59
Ryan Baron North: The difference is gotcha yeah, yeah.
1:06:03
Ryan Baron North: No, that wraps it up, so I guess it's time for the quick fire.
1:06:06
Ryan Baron North: So, james, what you got, but uh, I, I have it's gonna.
1:06:09
James Crosslin: It's time for the quick fire.
1:06:09
James Crosslin: So, james, what you got, I, I have it's gonna.
1:06:13
James Crosslin: It's gonna be the most terrible intelligent.
1:06:15
James Crosslin: Imagine the most terrible intelligence.
1:06:17
James Crosslin: Uh, and I was like, who do you think is the most terrible intelligence?
1:06:23
James Crosslin: What's the first thing that pops to your head for, like most entire most terrible intelligence imaginable?
1:06:28
James Crosslin: I don't know either, but I was trying to put myself in that position.
1:06:34
Ryan Baron North: Well, I think, culturally, right now, the most terrible intelligence.
1:06:37
Ryan Baron North: I would also say that he's just an idiot with money.
1:06:42
Ryan Baron North: Who Musk?
1:06:45
James Crosslin: Oh yeah, or Jeff Bezos, I'd say either one of them.
1:06:48
Ryan Baron North: They're just idiots with money.
1:06:49
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, you could.
1:06:51
Ryan Baron North: You could be as intelligent as you want to be if you have the money to back it up.
1:06:55
James Crosslin: Yeah, that's so true.
1:06:58
James Crosslin: I actually have a note here about Elon Musk specifically.
1:07:00
James Crosslin: I said Zorg's theory of life and destruction is the same as the modern longtermism of people like Elon Musk.
1:07:08
James Crosslin: Yeah, modern long-termism of people like elon musk, yeah, long-termism hands down easily.
1:07:15
James Crosslin: Yeah, they talk about uh, they specifically talk about, you know, doing damage or whatever damage in the present is necessary to bring about a better future.
1:07:21
James Crosslin: Like that's why they're trying to make make all the money now, because then you can invest it in the future and it doesn't matter how that money's made.
1:07:29
James Crosslin: Like that's how long-termists are.
1:07:31
James Crosslin: Um, sam bankman freed, who was that big bitcoin exchange guy that collapsed, and like and threw the world through, through the world into like disarray for a minute.
1:07:44
James Crosslin: He was also a long-termist, yeah, so that's stupid.
1:07:48
James Crosslin: You're stupid if you believe that.
1:07:50
James Crosslin: Yes, let's see.
1:07:53
James Crosslin: Uh, I have.
1:07:54
James Crosslin: There's so much steam in these spaceships.
1:07:56
James Crosslin: What were you gonna say?
1:07:58
Ryan Baron North: a lot of steam, uh, my like quick fire.
1:08:02
Ryan Baron North: Little thought on that is.
1:08:03
Ryan Baron North: Why do it?
1:08:04
Ryan Baron North: Does everyone bleed?
1:08:05
James Crosslin: sweet baby ray's barbecue sauce it's the low, low oxygen, because all the smoke but right is it.
1:08:15
Ryan Baron North: Was that just me, like the blood didn't seem the?
1:08:19
Ryan Baron North: Blood was red yeah okay, it's like no, he's bleeding sweet baby rays right now.
1:08:23
Ryan Baron North: Um, yeah, that's what I had, yep.
1:08:27
James Crosslin: Yep, I have here, I have perfect, she's perfect, she's perfect.
1:08:37
Ryan Baron North: Just a fucking perfect.
1:08:38
James Crosslin: Those bitches ain't ever going to say it was so weird for them to say it over and, over and over.
1:08:43
Ryan Baron North: Yeah.
1:08:48
James Crosslin: Yeah, I said it was good that the please help sign was in the cab, because she didn't understand what she was saying at all.
1:08:52
James Crosslin: It would be crazy if it was, like you know, for a real estate agent or like addiction like call Oryx, Call Oryx.
1:09:08
Ryan Baron North: Yeah, she got lucky.
1:09:09
Ryan Baron North: She got really lucky.
1:09:16
Ryan Baron North: It was please help.
1:09:17
Ryan Baron North: Yep, yeah, she got lucky there, otherwise she's like horrocks, what?
1:09:21
Ryan Baron North: What do you mean?
1:09:21
James Crosslin: I don't understand yeah, uh, let's see.
1:09:28
James Crosslin: The music is all over the place in this movie.
1:09:30
James Crosslin: There's no cohesion to the music.
1:09:34
James Crosslin: The music wasn't fantastic in my opinion no, when they're doing the first chase.
1:09:38
Ryan Baron North: It was Hispanic, if I remember right, I don't remember.
1:09:44
James Crosslin: All I remember is that it was bad.
1:09:46
James Crosslin: I put down a note like the music in this movie is is incoherent.
1:09:52
James Crosslin: Yep, I can agree.
1:09:54
James Crosslin: Uh, they created the robot bartender in real life, have you I?
1:10:00
James Crosslin: I, in podcasts that I listen to, I keep getting ads for this thing called the bartesian.
1:10:05
James Crosslin: It's like an artesian bar or whatever is like the, the, the portmanteau they're going for, and it's a robot bartender where you buy all the stuff and then the and then the robot, like a keurig machine or or like a coke machine, you know, a, a soda dispenser at a burger king or whatever makes your fucking drinks, and so that exists now.
1:10:27
James Crosslin: What a big waste of our society's focuses and capital.
1:10:31
James Crosslin: Uh, let's see, I think that's it I think, the future of music is synth, drums and going oh fucking nailed it that's how all the music is nowadays.
1:10:54
Ryan Baron North: I can't wait.
1:10:55
Ryan Baron North: I, for one, can't wait.
1:10:56
Ryan Baron North: That's what we're building to folks.
1:11:01
Ryan Baron North: There you have it.
1:11:03
Ryan Baron North: Oh, we're high and dry.
1:11:04
Ryan Baron North: Podcast.
1:11:05
Ryan Baron North: I'm your host, dry and barren, north with me, as always, james Crosland.
1:11:08
Ryan Baron North: Bye podcast.
1:11:08
Ryan Baron North: I'm your host, ryan baron.
1:11:09
Ryan Baron North: North with me, as always, james crossland bye, bye.