Latest / Harder Than Life / Are Toxic Friends Keeping You Broke?

Transcript

Are Toxic Friends Keeping You Broke? · Harder Than Life

• 0:01
  Now at Lowe's, faster quotes start at the Lowe's Pro Desk. Got a material list handwritten on a sticky note or saved us a photo? Perfect. Bring it to us and get a quote in minutes. And if you don't see what you need on the shelf, we'll help you get it. You can access thousands of products beyond what's available in-store or on Lowe's.com, right from the Lowe's Pro Desk. Build quotes faster and source the materials you need to keep your jobs moving. Just like that at Lowe's.
• 0:30
  You're not even stuck because of money. You're stuck because of the people you keep around you. Toxic ties are costing you energy, money, peace, and years off of your life. And until you cut them, you'll keep repeating the same cycles. Different faces, same drama. Because toxic people thrive on drama. And if you're in the room, you're fuel for their fire. But here's the truth. Toxic ties aren't neutral, they're expensive. They cost you energy, stress, anxiety, lack of focus.
• 0:59
  You can't heal in the same environment that made you sick. If you don't cut these toxic ties, they'll cut your future short. Cut them before they cut you. If you can practice dysfunction, you can practice freedom. And believe me, once you taste freedom from toxicity, you'll never let it in your life ever again. Boundaries aren't walls, they're doors with locks. You decide who gets the key.
• 1:28
  I'm Kelly Siegel and this is harder than life a podcast about self-love self-awareness business and health We tell outrageous stories and boil everything down to simple practical advice. You can start using today. Let's get living
• 1:43
  Welcome back to the Heart of Life Show, everyone. Today's topic was asked by several of you, but again, one in particular stood out and they asked a specific question about your toxic ties to your parents. In that case, I'm an expert at that, literally. It's how I got into this mess and how I'm the one behind the microphone talking to you about this. I've had opportunities to rekindle with my mother and my stepfather many, many times and just decided not to after...
• 2:08
  Lots and lots of soul searching, praying, journaling, meditating, talking to all of my therapists. I just decided that I have to let those toxic ties be gone. And I slashed the drama and leveled up my life.
• 2:24
  How to Life Nation, let's get into it. Some of you aren't stuck because of your job. You're not stuck because of your talent, because I know each and every one of you is amazingly talented. You're not even stuck because of money. You're stuck because of the people you keep around you. Here's the truth, Bob. You cannot live a drama-free life
• 2:41
  If your contact list is full of chaos, toxic ties are costing you energy, money, peace, and years off of your life. And until you cut them, you'll keep repeating the same cycles, different faces, same drama. Today, we're going to expose toxic ties, slash the drama, and build the boundaries
• 3:03
  that level up your life. Man, oh man, does this one hit home. I love these user topics. We only have one more. So please, guys, if you want to hear my opinion, researched opinion, email me, kelly, at heartofthelife.com, and we'll record an episode on it. So I'm listening to you all, and I want to give back, and I want to help. So...
• 3:21
  Toxic ties be gone, man, is this a tough one? I had a lot of toxic friends in my life, a lot of toxic family in my life. And it wasn't until I started loving myself emphatically that I could, I was no longer afraid to cut them off. I was no longer afraid of what their reaction would be or what my reaction to their reaction would be. So think about every time you try to grow, someone shows up with gossip, jealousy, or sabotage.
• 3:47
  Every time you level up, they pull you down. You guys have heard me talk about these crabs in a bucket. Anytime somebody reaches down and grabs a crab, the other ones are reaching up trying to grab it and pull it back down. Why? Because toxic people thrive on drama. And if you're in the room, you're fuel for their fire. I have to tell you, I am out. I won't even let people tell me good things that they heard about me.
• 4:11
  because I don't wanna create any kind of space for gossip because if you say it's okay to tell me the good things, then you kinda say it's okay to tell me the bad things. And I have been in situations where somebody, hey, I heard something about you, and I'm like, great. And then I start walking away, and they're like, don't you wanna hear about it? Nope. Well, it was good, don't care. Doesn't affect me one,
• 4:30
  bit. That literally is the JOMO, joy of missing out. Nothing needs to happen externally for me to be happy or to win. That's power, guys. You can't heal in the same environment that made you sick.
• 4:46
  So if nothing changes, nothing changed. And you gotta get out, break free from these changes. You gotta get away from the things that made you sick. Not everyone in your life deserves a front row seat, but toxic people are sneaky. They hide behind the, I'm just being honest, or I care about you, or I'm keeping it real, or I'm looking out for you.
• 5:07
  I saw this happen the other day in a business meeting where a toxic customer had a toxic employee who literally created, it's made such an uncomfortable meeting that my customer had to send him out. And he kept it on the guys. I'm just looking out for my customer. I was like, what?
• 5:27
  wow, you are doing more harm than you are doing good. So guys, I got a newsflash for you. If you're unhealed and you're lashing out and you're the loudest one in the room, people notice. And it's hard not to recognize. So don't be that person. Here's another way to spot toxic people. They're the drama magnet.
• 5:46
  always in chaos, pulling you into it. Did you hear about what Susie said? Did you hear about what Lisa said? Oh, did you see so-and-so started a new business? Oh, that's gonna fail. That's the drama person. The dream killer mocks your goals and belittles your wins. Kelly, why are you starting a podcast? That's stupid. What are you writing a book for? That's just, that's a waste of your time. My stepfather told me I was an idiot for going to college. Boy, was he wrong. My friends of this day are all of my college fraternity brothers.
• 6:16
  There's the energy vampire. You feel drained every time you see them. Guys, this is one that you have to pay attention to.
• 6:23
  Oh man, that's my childhood boy. That's my childhood girl. We've been friends forever. Well, how do they make you feel? Well, I feel like crap. Why would you want to be around them? You want to be around people that fuel you up. And then finally, there's the manipulator. They use guilt, shame, or fear to try to control you. Or exactly, manipulate you. Oh, there's a fifth one. I forgot about it. These are everywhere.
• 6:47
  The fake supporters. They smile in your face, but root against you in private. This one is everywhere. And they usually are the people that appear that they're down for you and that they're your biggest, best friend and closest friend. You can always tell when you have a fake supporter. Actually, in today's market, you just go look at your social media. If they're not liking all your posts, if they're not gassing you up, they're probably your fake supporter. I have several of them.
• 7:14
  people that tell me that they're my boys but won't share the podcast. I have, it's a shit. These are the ones that need to go right away. So again, Drama Magnet, the Dream Killer, the Energy Vampire, the Manipulator, and the Fake Supporter. The last two are bad. They need to be cut out of your life immediately. So if being around them feels like walking on eggshells, that's not love, it's control. So here's the truth.
• 7:42
  Toxic ties aren't neutral, they're expensive. They cost you energy, stress, anxiety, lack of focus, time, hours wasted on drama that could be spent building good things, positive things, expanding your mind in love and abundance. They cost you your health. Constant cortisol spikes destroy your body, but also their negativity stresses you out and makes you...
• 8:11
  Up and down, up and down. You're on, oh. That makes you just want to vomit hearing about it. It costs you opportunity. Winners avoid drama. If you're tied to it, you'll miss the rooms you deserve to be in. If you don't cut these toxic ties, they'll cut your future short. So cut them before they cut you. If they're so toxic, why do we stay? Glad you asked that question. Number one reason we stay is we just fear of being alone. A lot of us don't like ourselves.
• 8:39
  I'm going to diress for a second. When I declared war on myself and I was home during the pandemic and alone, I literally would have dance parties by myself. I would stare at myself in the mirror and tell me I love myself. I would do self-love exercises over and over and over. Even in my meditation, I meditated constantly.
• 8:58
  I love myself. Thank you. I love myself. Thank you. So you get comfortable being alone and I'll show you someone who is unstoppable. So why do we stay with toxic people out of guilt or obligation? Guilt because it could be a family member, someone close to you, obligation, same reason. A lot of times we stay because we hope they'll change. We believe in them more than they believe in them.
• 9:22
  That's a tough one. Hope will get you in trouble every time. If they cared, they'd change. Hope is not a strategy. Move on, be happy. And finally, if they're so toxic, why do we stay? It's familiarity. It feels normal.
• 9:39
  oh, that's just Uncle Jack being Uncle Jack, or that's just Lisa being Lisa. Hogwash. It's not normal. Heal and make the world a better place. So remember, familiar doesn't mean healthy. Familiar means practice. It also means comfort. That's why I keep saying, be comfortable being uncomfortable.
• 9:59
  If you can practice dysfunction, you can practice freedom. And believe me, once you taste freedom from toxicity, you'll never let it in your life ever again. That's where peace, you'll hear me say this a thousand times, my peace, my clarity, and my freedom come from wavering, non-negotiable boundaries of not letting that garbage into my life.
• 10:21
  So cutting ties doesn't mean a dramatic blow up. It means choosing yourself. And here's how, you know, I'm always, I'm never going to sit up here and discuss this stuff and not give you actionable steps. I myself have used and continue to use, you know, I'm here to help and pay it forward and make your life happier than life.
• 10:41
  So here's how you can address this. Audit your circle. Write down the five people you spend the most time with and are they engines or they're anchors. Some of these you're going to hear me say in other podcasts because they fit for business, they fit for personal, they fit for relationships, they fit in a lot of things. So anchors, engines. Also, these anchors and engines also signal in noise. Are people bringing a lot of noise in your life?
• 11:07
  They got to go. If they're helping you on your way to your signal, which is your goals, keep them. Number two, set boundaries. Woo, everybody, this is a real big buzzword. Everybody thinks, ah, boundary up, catch flights, not feelings. It's all hogwash. When you boundary up, people know because you say no more. You limit access to you. It is a privilege to get time away.
• 11:33
  or be in your space with you. You don't owe anyone unlimited access to your energy, to your time, to anything. And people feel it so they won't bring their garbage to you. Boundary up. It is awesome.
• 11:49
  Side note, don't let anybody try to negotiate your boundaries. They're your boundaries to allow me to love you and me simultaneously. So replace people strategically. Don't just cut. Replace. Find people who will push you to be higher. Because even though I say you got to love yourself and you'd be comfortable being alone, it's tough to be completely alone. So you still want to do a one-for-one split.
• 12:15
  decide Johnny's always bringing negativity and you don't want to be alone, go find Steve or another guy who maybe just maybe you met at the gym class or look for people that are doing things that you do. Go to places where like people hang out, gyms, running clubs, book clubs, stretching clubs, any of these, what are those? Tough Mudders. Those are great places to meet
• 12:45
  You know what I just thought of? We should start an app and this probably exists. If it does, somebody DM me. Do they make like a, what is this, Tinder for just friends? Truthfully, like if you're just looking to make new friends and you just want to find like a workout buddy or a training partner, do they make that? I don't even know. I just, hey, excuse me, guys. I learned today that there are apps that...
• 13:09
  women use to make their backsides bigger. It's called peaches or something. I am, when I tell you I eliminate so much toxicity, so many noise, and my standard is so high, I am oblivious to things that are not moving me towards my signal. So create distance with grace. Not every exit requires fireworks. Sometimes you just stop feeding the fire.
• 13:31
  If you don't return their texts, don't return their calls, they'll figure it out and they'll find somebody that still is of their mind. And if you run into them saying, you know, I just didn't align with me. Don't lie. Just like I'm on a different mission. I want different things. No knock on you. I'm happy for you. But I just want different things. And I've been doing this. I invite you to join me anytime, but it doesn't seem like that's what you want to be in.
• 13:56
  And the final, fifth and final way to do this is to hold the line. Toxic people will test your boundaries. They will call you names. They will say, you too good for me. You think you're Mr. Goody Two Shoes. It's not that at all. You just love yourself and you keep choosing yourself over and over. Stand firm. I'm living proof that I love myself,
• 14:18
  My weekends are boring, but boring is peaceful. My time is filled with fueling my brain and not dealing with other people's chaos and drama. And some of these people, man, they've done the same chaos drama over and over. You can check in five years later and they're still doing the same thing. Why would you want to be with somebody like that?
• 14:38
  Boundaries aren't walls, they're doors with locks. You decide who gets the key. So, building a drama-free life. This is what I did. When you slash toxic ties, you create space for peace that fuels your creativity.
• 14:55
  relationships built on respect energy for health business and joy freedom to grow without sabotage and zero governors and zero limits come on remember this drama is optional peace is powerful peace is the way peace is the portal so this week here's your challenge i give you one every week and it's usually small and easy
• 15:22
  Simple, but not easy, I should say. Write the list. Circle your top five. Enders and engines or anchors. This doesn't mean that you have to act on it. It just means create a little space from the people. Cut one tie. Distance from just one toxic person this week. Don't forget, this could be a coworker as well. It could be somebody that you have to do projects with. Go have the conversation with your boss that just says we're out of alignment. Sucks my energy. Or has to be reassigned.
• 15:49
  Third thing I want you to do this week, set one new boundary. Protect your energy with love and firmness. And that boundary could be as simple as no energy vampires are allowed or no negativity allowed. And people won't even realize how quickly they go into the negativity. Oh, man. Did you see what so-and-so posted? Oh, man. Did you see the prices of houses? Oh, man. Did you see everything cost so much? Did you see so-and-so? Boundary. No negativity. Boundary. I'm going to the gym every single day.
• 16:18
  Boundary. I am going to read 10 pages every single day, no matter what. And then add one positive voice. Read a book, listen to a podcast, or call a friend who lifts you up. Guys, I'm not saying to do what I did. I cut almost everybody out, literally everybody. And then I slowly started inviting people back in. Pro tip doesn't necessarily have to be someone that you know. It could be a podcaster.
• 16:43
  It could be an influencer that you take in. I listened to a lot of Mel Robbins when I was going through this. I felt like I'd know her. I listened to a ton of Ed Milet. I feel like I know I'm Ed Milet's brother. I met him a few times. I probably could pass as him. But don't go down the AI train though, guys. Reach out to me. I can send you groups, masterminds, even books, healthy ways to add a positive voice.
• 17:09
  And finally, celebrate peace. Notice how much lighter you feel without the drama. Peace is profitable, guys. It's freaking beautiful. Nobody gets in the way of my peace, literally. I've had a conversation with my girlfriend many, many times. If she brings any of her friends' drama in, I literally put up a wall. I'm sorry. I'm not here to deal with your friends. I love you. I will work with you and listen to you with any issue that you have, but I will not solve your friends' problems.
• 17:37
  How to Life Nation, let me leave you with this. Toxic ties are chains. You can't run free if you're dragging these chains. If you want to level up with your life, you've got to slash the drama, set the boundaries, and surround yourself with people who push you higher. Remember, you can't heal in the same environment that made you sick. Familiar doesn't mean healthy.
• 18:00
  boundaries aren't walls, they're keys to peace. Drama is optional, peace is power, and peace is that portal to being happier than life. And again, here's your mission. Cut one toxic tie this week, replace it with one positive connection, and watch how your energy, peace, success skyrocket.
• 18:21
  Just a reminder, in case you didn't know, I'm Kelly Siegel reminding you, don't just be harder than life. Be free enough to actually live it. Please rate and share this podcast. I'm active on all social platforms and love to hear from my Siegel supporters.
• 18:38
  Each and every episode is sponsored by my company, National Technology Management, the easiest and best IT company to do business with, delivering peace of mind with technology every day, even simplifying cybersecurity. Visit TrustNTM.com for more info. Until next week, be harder than life.