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The Mirror Effect: Why Your Growth Makes People Uncomfortable · Mindless Shenaniganz

• 0:05
  Now, Sir Donald, please take a seat. Do you know
• 0:21
  why you're here today? You have a lot to explain.
• 0:27
  The rumors was being said. Can you account for
• 0:32
  that? Do you even care? You now have the time
• 0:39
  to explain yourself. Give us your side of the
• 0:42
  story. And you better be direct. And don't miss
• 0:46
  a step. You ever notice how you've changed this
• 0:53
  code for I can't use you anymore? They were taking
• 0:59
  advantage of me. That's not a compliment. That's
• 1:05
  not criticism. That's a confession. They're going
• 1:13
  to tell you exactly what you were to them. And
• 1:18
  what you no longer are. It's not about the money.
• 1:24
  It's the principle. They call it a friendship.
• 1:29
  He owes me. He know he owes me. You called it
• 1:33
  loyalty. All I asked for was one favor. One.
• 1:35
  P .O. down. The receipt says resource. Did I
• 1:46
  go too far? It's hard to know the difference
• 1:50
  in the truth when everybody's coming at you.
• 1:55
  Nobody wants to warn you about the success tax.
• 2:00
  Especially when you first started out. The hustle.
• 2:07
  Everybody's excited. They forget about the late
• 2:12
  nights. The loud results. Nobody tells you about
• 2:20
  the silence that follows. When we set that standard,
• 2:26
  everybody goes quiet. I was the one by their
• 2:30
  side. Then they all decided to leave me. But
• 2:34
  I'm the bad guy. When I no longer had boundaries,
• 2:38
  I was a hero. I was the guy. I was the man. It
• 2:47
  felt good knowing I could be dependent and counted
• 2:49
  upon. The safety net for when everybody made
• 2:54
  the mistake, came and fixed it. Didn't worry
• 3:00
  about it. Took on the weight. at what point does
• 3:03
  a healthy boundary cross over to the act of betrayal
• 3:05
  because to them it looks identical the moment
• 3:10
  i started doing that the moment everybody felt
• 3:16
  the shift the moment i wasn't the character in
• 3:20
  their story they wanted me to be there was no
• 3:24
  hiding from it i couldn't control it the script
• 3:28
  flipped Suddenly, the script flipped. Suddenly,
• 3:36
  I became the villain. I heard the whispers. I
• 3:47
  was the one who believed in him first. Now I
• 3:49
  can't even get a text back. The group chats.
• 3:53
  The side conversations. I might have to show
• 3:57
  them who they fucking with. They better get ready.
• 4:04
  At what point does a healthy boundary cross over
• 4:07
  to the act of betrayal? Because to them, it looks
• 4:10
  identical. You've been accused of running this
• 4:17
  operation like a dictatorship rather than a team.
• 4:19
  Are you managing your decision or are you just
• 4:22
  managing your own ego? People act like you don't
• 4:26
  hear it. Just because you're not there doesn't
• 4:32
  mean you can't feel it. Just like they feel you.
• 4:38
  Even when you're approaching. The villain isn't
• 4:43
  always a bad guy. Sometimes the villain is just
• 4:47
  misunderstood. What they expected, they didn't
• 4:50
  get. And they won't see it coming. He's cold.
• 4:54
  He's mean. I was just doing what I had to do
• 4:57
  to get things done. I thought I was making the
• 5:00
  right decisions. I just stopped letting people
• 5:03
  do what they wanted to do. And now, it's time
• 5:11
  to tell you the truth. Welcome to My Little Shenanigans.
• 5:16
  Where the takes are hot, the jokes are wild,
• 5:19
  and nothing is off limits. Quick disclaimer,
• 5:23
  everything you hear is strictly opinion, personal
• 5:26
  perspective, or just flat out nonsense. We do
• 5:30
  not condone violence or violence behavior. Don't
• 5:33
  come for us. This is for entertainment purposes
• 5:36
  only, not facts, not legal advice, and definitely
• 5:40
  not safe for any sensitive ears. So buckle up
• 5:43
  and let the shenanigans begin. They tell me I
• 5:46
  forgot where I came from. Yeah, he forgot. Plain
• 5:50
  and simple. He forgot. That all I'm about is
• 5:54
  the numbers. Being number one. I just stopped
• 6:03
  letting people mistake my kindness for lack of
• 6:06
  weakness or direction. There's a difference between
• 6:15
  being warm, soft, and being somebody's doormat.
• 6:23
  I had to learn the expensive way. Money changed.
• 6:27
  That's what happened. Money changed. One thing
• 6:30
  everybody's not willing to pay. There's a reason
• 6:35
  why I caused to be number one. I caused to be
• 6:38
  the boss. Everybody isn't made to be number one.
• 6:50
  Everybody isn't made to wear the same pair of
• 6:53
  shoes. Everybody's not cut to be the villain.
• 7:00
  He thinks the rules don't apply to him now. What?
• 7:07
  Here's the part what you don't all get But they
• 7:10
  don't understand I'm not the villain because
• 7:14
  I mean I'm the villain because I'm the mirror
• 7:19
  a Direct reflection of who you are Or what you
• 7:28
  don't want to be When I set the standard You
• 7:36
  can't meet it. You can't be here. I told him
• 7:41
  everything he know, man. He got that from me.
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  They don't see a leader. I'm willing to take
• 7:52
  all the weight, put in all the work, take the
• 7:56
  responsibility for your mistakes. It's not your
• 8:02
  fault you didn't get it done. It was mine. to
• 8:07
  put you in that position that's what they're
• 8:14
  not ready for that's the work they are willing
• 8:17
  to do that makes people uncomfortable so what
• 8:26
  do they do they flip the frame Make me the necessary
• 8:39
  target. Make me the problem. Name me as the villain.
• 8:52
  Money changed. That's what happened. Money changed.
• 8:55
  You put something together and he just took it
• 8:57
  and left. It's easier to point the finger. It's
• 9:06
  easier to not take accountability. I just wanted
• 9:10
  everybody to be the best version of themselves.
• 9:12
  How is that wrong? It's not easy. Enjoy being
• 9:21
  a villain. Yeah, I make it hard. Because I get
• 9:33
  things done. Because I want to win. I want to
• 9:41
  settle for the loss. I take my lessons when I
• 9:49
  adapt. Failure is only when you're not trying.
• 9:58
  When you're not getting better. And if you don't
• 10:05
  get better, you'll rob yourself. They wonder
• 10:13
  who the true villain is then. You're a villain
• 10:22
  there. You're just a healthy boundary area. Seen
• 10:27
  through someone else's lens. People confuse access
• 10:32
  with friendship. When you cut out the access,
• 10:36
  the money, the time, the emotional labor. We
• 10:42
  stopped being useful. How many times did you
• 10:45
  sit there and take the blame for something for
• 10:48
  somebody else did? And sacrifice something that
• 10:54
  you had to work for? When you have more to lose.
• 11:03
  And you still were the reason why they failed.
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  Even the ones I tried to help didn't want to
• 11:09
  take it. So then they looked back and pointed
• 11:11
  the finger. Are you ready to hear that? If I
• 11:16
  had lied, I would have been wrong. But since
• 11:18
  I told the truth, I was the problem. The villain.
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  The one responsible for all the chaos and mischief.
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  The antagonist. Am I at fault for everything?
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  Or am I just misunderstood? Every feeling has
• 11:45
  a purpose. A destruction. Are you creating chaos?
• 11:56
  Are you creating shenanigans? I did what I thought
• 11:59
  was best. The results may not have came out how
• 12:03
  I planned. Who's writing the story? You stopped
• 12:07
  being useful. You stopped being loved. And who
• 12:12
  doesn't want to be loved? Love can make you do
• 12:15
  dangerous things. Passion. Desire. Emotional
• 12:24
  reactions. And I've been trying to work on that.
• 12:28
  At least I thought. How many villains have sacrificed
• 12:33
  for the greater good? And if you can name one,
• 12:36
  you let me know. How many villains? Have saved
• 12:41
  a superhero. So ask yourself this. They are a
• 12:47
  villain. What are they doing it for? Are they
• 12:54
  a villain in your story? For the love of the
• 12:59
  game? Or for the sake of your narrative? I'm
• 13:05
  no longer fitting into their narrative. I'm ending
• 13:08
  the story right now. Let them tell it. When you
• 13:12
  know better, you do better. You are a hero because
• 13:15
  you're a resource. You're accessible. You always
• 13:20
  knew what to do. Pay attention. Not because of
• 13:26
  who you were as a person. Because you looked
• 13:30
  out. You asked the questions nobody else would
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  ask. able to have the conversations nobody else
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  wanted to. Your girls became their mirror. It's
• 13:59
  gonna show them everything that they haven't
• 14:01
  done. They're just mad that I'm the ones who
• 14:04
  did it. They tried to beat me to it first. They
• 14:08
  failed. Calling you arrogant. You're just a refuser
• 14:16
  to look in the mirror. Some people get dressed
• 14:19
  in the dark. When you stand in front of me, you
• 14:29
  see a nightmare. A villain. The worst version
• 14:34
  of yourself that you haven't become. Because
• 14:37
  you haven't become the best one yet. Striving
• 14:40
  to be. They trusted you to protect them. When
• 14:44
  did your priority shift from saving the group
• 14:45
  to saving the numbers? Did you set the standards
• 14:49
  too high to level them up? Or did you set it
• 14:52
  high because you wanted them to quit? The difference
• 14:56
  between dead weight and being a hero? One gets
• 15:03
  glory, the other one doesn't. Here's the results.
• 15:09
  It's quiet at the head of the table. The silence
• 15:11
  of reward for your discipline or is it punishment
• 15:14
  for your ambition? Everybody wants to be the
• 15:18
  anchor. Hold everybody down. Group them together.
• 15:23
  But who really wants to be at the bottom that
• 15:25
  nobody sees and forgets? The dead weight slow
• 15:28
  you down. And I ain't here to carry none of it.
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  Anchor, I'm just going to hold everything in
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  place. Maybe if I'd listened to what people said,
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  I'd have known better. It wouldn't have got this
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  far. Both will keep you from where you're going.
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  Nobody said anything to me. I just saw the fingers
• 15:57
  pointing, heard the whispers. And the energy
• 16:00
  chains. I had no idea. One of them looks healthy.
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  One of them looks loyal. If I knew what I knew
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  now, I wouldn't be in this position. Nobody would.
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  Because they're going back. You could not pour
• 16:23
  out of a cup that's draining. That's getting
• 16:31
  depleted and sipped on. If you cannot, you feel
• 16:38
  it yourself. I was the one that worked for everybody,
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  made sure everybody was good. Where's my credit
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  at? I'm not thirsty. There's plenty of times
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  I gave up my cup, made sure everybody else was
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  filled. When mine was dry, it stayed that way.
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  You can't lead a team. And think everything is
• 17:01
  going to be okay. You accept nonsense. Don't
• 17:04
  have any structure. But you also. Also. Got to
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  be reminded. Most people don't get. You're responsible
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  for the demands of everybody else. Everybody
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  who doesn't decide to come with you. It's your
• 17:30
  fault. That's the best part about being a villain.
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  And the worst part too. That's what makes you
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  the best. It's not gatekeeping. If you're going
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  to leave, you're not going to take the people
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  that's made for it, that's cut out for it. For
• 17:56
  those who was pointing the finger that didn't
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  make it, Ask yourself, did you actually put the
• 18:03
  work in? Did you show up? Did you make the necessary
• 18:11
  sacrifice? Did you make excuses? I was complaining
• 18:17
  when I let him get away with that one time. Or
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  because you weren't asked to when necessary.
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  Because you didn't feel like it. You didn't do
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  it. And when I took it on, I didn't get to thank
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  you. Nobody noticed it. It just got done. That's
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  it. This is here right now. There's no mask.
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  I don't need a mask because my presence alone
• 18:49
  does the job. But the one you're wearing, you
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  should take it off. You're not the hero you think
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  you are. And I'm now the villain that you need
• 19:01
  me to be. You're a villain. Just like me. Every
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  minute I spend sitting here trying to defend
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  my intentions just makes my case worse. I don't
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  believe me. It's too late. People are committed
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  to the narrative. Defending their right to be
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  wrong. I'm okay with that. Do I really have a
• 19:32
  choice anyway? You have to be okay with being
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  misunderstood. Swallowing and taking everything
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  that comes at you. That's the joy of being a
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  villain. The joy of taking all the hate, all
• 19:52
  the admiration. They'll smile on my face. They
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  don't copy your style for no reason. They don't
• 20:01
  make you to blame either. It's the reason why
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  they want to take you out the game. I'm not going
• 20:08
  anywhere. So they better get ready. The minute
• 20:12
  you're standing here and keep going on and on
• 20:15
  about you made the right decision and things
• 20:21
  like that, waste of time. Yeah, I never get it.
• 20:28
  That's okay. It's not for me for you to understand
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  either. That's why I'm sitting here. That's why
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  you got me here. They're out there pointing you
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  as the monster in the story. Are you going to
• 20:42
  issue a statement? I enjoy doing it. Once you
• 20:48
  already made up your decision that I was wrong,
• 20:50
  we just waiting for the clock to tick at this
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  point. Waiting to see what happens. Why you got
• 21:02
  me sitting here? What you think's happening out
• 21:06
  there? Are you just issuing a statement or are
• 21:09
  you just going to let them hold the marker? You
• 21:11
  lose time. But they keep the narrative, right?
• 21:17
  And if I let them write the script, it won't
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  end well at all. For you to understand, you have
• 21:24
  to take accountability for your own mistakes
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  first. And if you're not ready to do that, then
• 21:31
  why are we talking? That's the price of a mission
• 21:37
  that they won't pay. Final question for the record.
• 21:40
  When the narrative is entirely out of your control
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  and everyone you use to feed agrees that you're
• 21:45
  the bad guy. I love it. Who are you building
• 21:51
  this empire for? The game is a man for everybody
• 21:57
  to be played. And the game isn't meant for everybody
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  to win. And they must have forgot that I'm player
• 22:07
  one. They say the bad guys always get away, come
• 22:11
  out on top. Well, I'll have to be one of those
• 22:18
  then. Last note. Leadership isn't lonely because
• 22:25
  you think you're above everybody else. It's only
• 22:29
  because you're the only one holding everybody
• 22:31
  in line. The only one willing to hold everybody
• 22:34
  in line. Everybody wants to be in charge. Nobody's
• 22:40
  willing to take charge. Have that tough conversation.
• 22:47
  Take you to the side. Let you know that you fucking
• 22:51
  up. Everybody else is willing to let you drown.
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  Also, be willing to take anything that comes
• 22:57
  with that. You might be having a bad day and
• 22:59
  that set you off. I can't let my emotions get
• 23:03
  involved with you. You got bigger things to do.
• 23:08
  They must have forgotten who I am. Now it's time
• 23:10
  to show them again. Remember who's the shark.
• 23:15
  Who's the prey. Who's the predators. And ultimately
• 23:23
  the villain. You could put me on the most wanted
• 23:28
  posters. Because I'm coming to create straight
• 23:31
  chaos. The ones that are by themselves. The ones
• 23:35
  that's leading. Every day you got to be willing
• 23:40
  to be the bad guy. Just to make sure everything
• 23:43
  gets done. They're going to talk about you. And
• 23:49
  I tried my hardest not to let it get to me. But
• 23:52
  I'm just human, right? They're going to say some
• 23:56
  things. But they're never going to question,
• 24:01
  did you get it done? Period. That's the part
• 24:06
  of the story they never tell you. First time
• 24:11
  you soften up. And all it takes is one time.
• 24:14
  Just one. They're going to let you know too.
• 24:22
  You're a leader. And your group or the people
• 24:29
  that you're supposed to be leading. Let you know
• 24:34
  yourself. You need to step down and resign. Not
• 24:41
  here to be liked. If I do that, I'll never win.
• 24:44
  I'm here to get results. See, you have to be
• 24:49
  willing to give up. This little bit from here
• 24:54
  to here. Just so I can make it all the way down
• 24:58
  here. That's okay. Right? By the time I figured
• 25:06
  out I couldn't bring everybody with me, it was
• 25:08
  already too late. Damage was done. The best feeling
• 25:14
  in the world. Being respected. Not here for the
• 25:23
  likes. I'm here to get respect. Let you know
• 25:29
  who I am, what I stand for, what I'm about. And
• 25:34
  if you against that, you know where to put me.
• 25:41
  I also know where you stand, so that makes you
• 25:44
  in opposition. Most people can't make that trade.
• 25:51
  And that's why my team is winning. That's why
• 25:56
  the chair at the head of the table is only usually
• 26:00
  occupied by one. You want to get to that seat
• 26:05
  if you earn it. It's not given to you. Yeah,
• 26:11
  you can take it. But are you willing to put in
• 26:15
  the work just to do that? That's what I'm going
• 26:19
  to do. So, let them tell the story. Let them
• 26:25
  know what happened. I get out of it like I always
• 26:27
  do. They can't stop me. Don't leave any of it
• 26:31
  out either. They can put the posters. They can
• 26:37
  give out the flyers. They can put it on the headline.
• 26:40
  Once you accept you're the villain in a poorly
• 26:43
  written script, you'll try to stop editing the
• 26:47
  dialogue. It's time for you to take control and
• 26:52
  write the script yourself. It's how that moves,
• 26:56
  not results. And they'll never see it coming.
• 27:01
  That's the best part. Even if the results are
• 27:04
  the only thing that are allowed to show, that
• 27:10
  that be the only thing that they're allowed to
• 27:11
  hear. They were listening to all the wrong things,
• 27:14
  and they were in their feelings instead. I am
• 27:18
  Sir Don. I am Sir Don. This is Mindless Shenanigans.
• 27:46
  Rate the show and share it with someone who needs
• 27:49
  the shenanigans in their life. New episodes dropping
• 27:52
  weekly. Until next time, stay safe, stay real,
• 27:57
  and stay a little mindless.